Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions Vs. TEAM

Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions are Apollo, Super Cyborg Charles Barkley, Super Cyborg Michael Jordan, Black Lantern Silver Surfer, Phoenix Force Cyclops, Phoenix Force Colossus, Phoenix Force Magik, Phoenix Force Emma Frost, Cyborg Superman, The Spectre, Saint Walker, Indigo 1, Bizarro Supergirl, (Kingdom Come) Darkstar, (Kingdom Come) Nightstar, (Kingdom Come) Green Lantern, (Kingdom Come) Steel, (Kingdom Come) Blue Beetle, Falco in a Jedi V-Wing, Slippy Toad in an A-Wing, Cyclonus’ Armada, and Autobot #6.

TEAM is Dr. Polaris, Gladiator Voltron, Leader 1, Solaris the Tyrant Sun, Imperiex, Cybertronian Guardian #2-7, Proto-Man, Elec-Man, Flash-Man, Neo Cymerk #11, 13-17, and Cock Sneak Goomba #7 & 8.


Finding your enemy is simple when you are in the middle of nowhere. And these enemy squads find each other quickly indeed out in the black expanse that is Beyond the Outer Rim. These two space-worthy teams waste no time racing into action and zipping around each other. Imperiex and Gladiator Voltron, as he merges together from his three separate pieces dwarf all competitors around them, except for the one who dwarfs them, their own TEAMmate known as Solaris: The Tyrant Sun. Now the only bright spot in this dark corner of the galaxy, The Turrible Decisions know before this skirmish even begins that the living star super computer must be destroyed if they are to have any chance of defeating TEAM.

The Spectre leads the charge against the 853rd Century Superman villain, with Darkstar and Nightstar in tow. The two Kingdom Come Characters flank the Spectre as they fly in fast on what will surely be a suicide mission yet hopefully be a homicidal one as well. The son of Donna Troy and daughter of Nightwing and Starfire, though powerful in their own right, act as little more than initial cannon fodder for the Super Computer as Solaris uses his powers of energy projection to vaporize the two as they fly into his vicinity. But this gives The Spectre the time he needs to unleash the full power of his magical justice on a being who incalculably far from innocent after his centuries of terrorizing earth. As Solaris begins to implode The Spectre’s weakness is revealed as he cannot even conjure the power to exit via flight. The weakened Spectre can do little more than watch as he is vaporized along with his victim the Tyrant Sun.

The Phoenix Force Foursome with their amazing degree of power have trouble following any leader but for the their teammate, the god Apollo they make an exception. They follow the sun of Zeus as he leads the charge against The Gladiator Version of Voltron. Dr. Polaris turns his attention and searches for his next potential opponent as he makes short work of Autobot #6 by transforming the small flying saucer Transformer into a ball of scrap metal using his masterful control of magnetism. Leader 1and Cyclonus’ Armada engage each other in a vicious dogfight, while another dogfight is underway, between Falco and Slippy Toad in their respective ships versus the space equipped Neo-Cymeks. Slippy swerves in and out of the mix in his swiftly designed A-Wing, while Falco attacks them head on.

How is Falco flying his V-Wing without an astro droid you ask?? Well, luckily Blue Beetle and Steel had the foresight to “trim down” the “body” of Super Cyborg Charles Barkley and stick it in to the droid compartment of the Old Republic Ship, plugging in the necessary apparatuses so as to sustain Falco’s life support systems and shields. He’s actually not too “Turrible” of a co-pilot. Super Cyborg Michael Jordan still has his limbs though as he uses his super-powered jumping abilities to land on the heads of Cock Sneak Goombas #7 & 8, scoring himself 200 points and doubling Wilt Chamberlain’s record (kind of). Indigo 1 has her hands full with the Mega Man villain trio, while (BL) Silver Surfer, Steel and Blue Beetle find themselves surrounded by an enormous and overwhelming force of Cybertronian Guardians. The rest of The Turrible Decision Squad (Cyborg Superman, Bizarro Supergirl, and Saint Walker) led by Green Lantern (Jade) attempt to take on the armored mass of energy known as Imperiex. The battle rages on, as all members of both squads engage in fierce combat…

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I’ve got to be honest with all of you readers. I made a decision this week to call both my matches very analytically. I was just going to be meticulous and dry; and not worry about the story, being funny or cute, or even entertaining…. That was the easy part; But now I find myself in a bit of a predicament. After seven years of doing this, this isn’t the first time this has happened to me; but it is one of the worst matches in quite a while…….

…. Put simply, I just don’t know how to call this one??........

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I guess I’ll just have to rock the ol’ stream of consciousness until one of these teams are completely dead….. Here we go…

Leader 1, despite being a Go-bot, and by definition being inferior to all Transformers is the top dogg of The Go-Bots and is able to take out The Armada of Cyclonus (The real Cyclonus or even Scourge could take the clown faced Go-bot for sure; but hey they ain’t here). Slippy Toad is able to take out Neo-Cymeks #11, 16, & 17; but in the end he and his A-Wing are blasted by Unlucky Neo-Cymek #13. Falco avenges his partner by taking out #13, as well as the remaining two human-brained spaceships; but he loses his droid (what’s left of Barkley). On a floating asteroid, The Cybertronian Guardians are taking losses early and often, as The Turrible Decisions taking them on are joined by Super Cyborg Michael Jordan. With the former basketball star’s new found technological know-how he, Steel, and Blue Beetle are able to formulate a plan to put a stop to the beating sparks of the enormous Guardians; but it is BL Silver Surfer that largely executes it. Jordan, Steel, and Blue Beetle are not powerful enough to survive the skirmish; but help in taking out the 6 Guardians. Only The BL Surfer survives to move on to later help out his team. The Barkley Boys have their hands full for sure with Imperiex, but things get worse as Dr. Polaris comes to lend his dangerous partner a hand. Despite not being of Oan Technology, Jade’s ring is still powered to 200% by the power of Saint Walker’s blue ring; but unfortunately, Saint Walker isn’t around to see her use it, as he becomes the first victim of the massive fist of Imperiex. Cyborg Superman and Bizarro Supergirl begin pounding on Imperiex and inflicting noticeable amounts of punishment on the being but still not enough to inflict any lasting damage. BL Silver Surfer and Dr. Polaris surfing on a broken piece of Cybertronian Guardian both rush in to help their respective teams, just as Imperiex is using both of his hands to crush the life out of Bizarro Supergirl. Not to say that Bizarro Supergirl didn’t do her fair share of damage to the being before her death. Cyborg Superman, though badly injured himself attempts to attack the wounds inflicted by the Bizarro version of his daughter with his heat vision but Dr. Polaris is able to separate every metal part of the Kryptonian Cyborg from the rest of his body. Now that the Kryptonians are gone the destruction of Imperiex s left to Jade and The Black Surfer (Yeah, that’s what we’ll call Black Lantern Silver Surfer from now on (pretty cool, huh??)). They unleash their full cosmic power on the armored energy monster until their exhausted, yet victorious bodies are floating in space practically lifeless. Indigo 1 now finds herself completely surrounded by Mega Man Characters. Flash Man, though not particularly powerful helps out considerably by stopping time for a few seconds, which allows Proto Man and Elec Man to ready their attacks. Indigo 1’s time catches up with her; and once it does she takes some quick revenge on Flash Man and then makes pretty short work of Elec Man; but as she is doing it Mega Man’s big brother warms up his Nuclear power and sends Indigo 1 “One Big Shock” which travels right through her aura and blows her to pieces. Apollo and the Phoenix Five, err Phoenix Four I mean are battling with Gladiator Voltron. As The Phoenix powered foursome unleash their powers in their own special ways, Voltron is finding ways to battle through it. The six armed Voltron of The Middle Universe is shows his strength by getting a hold of Colossus and crushing the phoenix force and the life right out of him. He then uses his city sized broad sword to slice Magik in half. Emma Frost finds her mentally infused phoenix powers to be lacking against the metal monstrosity as well; but Voltron is by no means devoid of damage after taking out the foursome. Cyclops hangs back and begins blasting Voltron with his optic phoenix blasts until he can no longer conjure anymore power. As Cyclops nearly passes out from exhaustion, Apollo flies in just as the optic blasts stop delivers a massive blow to the chest of Voltron. The weakened cosmic robot begins to flicker in and out of functionality when Apollo backflips off of Voltron’s chest grabbing his mythical bow and arrow and firing two Olympian arrows into the two eyes of The Middle Universe Defender. Although they have no time for celebration, as Dr. Polaris takes control of the cosmically exploding mess of Voltronian (So, I don’t care if that’s not a word) metal back into the Barkley Boys that wrecked it. Apollo and Cyclops die by the hands of the dead machine that they just killed; but Dr. Polaris makes that his last move too. As Black Surfer cocks his hands to the side and busts a cosmic cap in Dr. Polaris to end his reign of magnetic mayhem. The Black Surfer is exhausted and Jade’s ring is severely drained of power when they form up together to make a last stand. They are searching for their opponents when Leader 1 comes racing in, in jet form with Proto Man on his back. Proto Man targets Black Surfer with his nuclear powered fusion blaster combined with various other guns to take out the black lantern; but as he is doing it, Jade uses the last of her power to destroy Proto Man, just as Leader 1 finishes off Jade. Leader 1 then quickly banks left as he realizes that Falco is hot on his tail. Falco has recalibrated his 40% functioning V-Wing and uses his last advanced missile to take out the Go-Bot leader and end this bloody disaster that is sure to spark a rivalry between two space powerhouses.