Season Seven: Consolation Matches: Round 1: Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors vs The Royal Highness

Mitchy’s Luminous Tentacle Warriors is Jaina Solo

The Royal Highness are Hank Chien, Ninja Gaiden and Looney Tunes Gremlin #1

“I name you the Sword of the Jedi. You are like tempered steel, purposeful and razor-keen. Always you shall be in the front rank, a burning brand to your enemies, a brilliant fire to your friends. Yours is a restless life, and never shall you know peace, though you shall be blessed for the peace that you bring to others. Take comfort in the fact that, though you stand tall and alone, others take shelter in the shadow you cast”

-       Luke Skywalker

Hank Chien: This stage is so easy. Did you know I can beat this stage super easy? I almost never die in it.

Gremlin: Oh that’s funny cause I have never died in this stage. Which makes me better then you Hank.

Hank Chien laughs, a laugh that makes the Ninja and the Gremlin look at each other. They both have a look of shock on their face and then attempt to change the subject.

Ninja Gaiden: So we are fighting a Jedi I hear? Is she any good?

Hank Chien: (Laughs again) You are joking right?

Ninja Gaiden: Joking about what?

Hank Chien: We are fighting Jaina Solo. You know, the one who is known as The Sword of the Jedi. She is the only known Sword of the Jedi. Nobody else has ever been given such a grand distinction before.

Gremlin: Yeah Ninj, it’s Jaina Solo. You know who that is, the wife of Jagged Fell.

Hank Chien: Give me a break Gremey, she is so much more then just somebody’s wife. Plus she didn’t marry Jagged until well after 40 ABY.

Ninja Gaiden: ABY?

Hank Chien: Seriously? You don’t know what ABY means?

Ninja Gaiden: Should I?

Gremlin: Come on Ninj, 40 years after the Battle of Yavin. Everyone knows this.

Ninja Gaiden: I can pretend to know what the Battle of Yavin is but you both know I would not be able to sell that lie.

Hank Chien: (Cleary annoyed) The Battle of Yavin is where Luke Skywalker and the Rebel Alliance destroyed the first Death Star. It was the first major blow the Rebel’s put on the Galactic Empire, eventually leading to the Battle of Endor, which ended the Emperor’s reign over the Galaxy.

Gremlin: And after many years Han and Leia had children, one of which was Jaina. Her and her twin brother Jacen fought side by side for many years until Jacen turned to the dark side.

Hank Chien: Yeah, Jaina and Jacen were both fighting for Rogue Squadron at the time; I believe this was during the Blockade of Corellia.

Gremlin: Yeah, it was. During that blockade though, Jaina became disenchanted with Jacen’s increasingly aggressive behavior and the two finally split. Soon after this he turned to the dark side and became known only as Darth Caedus. A Sith Lord, just as his grandfather had become years before him.

Hank Chien: Yeah, the turn was very difficult on Jaina but it did not stop her from continuing down the path of good. She eventually destroyed her former brother in a light saber duel on the Star Destroyer called Anakin Solo.

Gremlin: With the help of Mandalore Boba Fett I believe.

Hank Chien: Yeah, I think you are right. That is only the tip of the iceberg though.

Gremlin: Oh you don’t need to tell me that. You haven’t even mentioned the fact that she helped thwart the second Imperium and made damn well sure that Zekk abandon the dark side, making sure he went back and rejoined the Jedi.

Hank Chien: That’s because I was going to first mention that well before she married her current husband, she teamed up with him and Zekk on a mission to hunt down the renegade Dark Jedi Alema Rar.

Gremlin: Speaking of Dark Jedi, you forget to talk about the time that her and her uncle Luke fought against…

Hank Chien: Abeloth? Of course I was going to mention how Luke and her fought against Abeloth. I just thought it was more important to bring up the fact that after Chief of State Natasi Daala pushed Luke out of the Jedi Order, Jaina almost single handedly created the covert group Darkmeld, which helped the order lead the coup to remove Daala from power.

Gremlin: Good point, that did happen first.

Hank Chien: That is why I wanted to tell him that, he should know the complete truth.

Gremlin: Well if you want him to know the complete truth then we have to tell him about the Trickster Goddess Yun-Harla, she was known as the Avatar for her after all.

Hank Chien: Well duh, everyone knows that. I bet he didn’t know that she trained at the Jedi Praxeum?

Gremlin: The Jedi Praxeum? The most ignorant microbe knows about the Praxeum. How about the fact that she not only became part of the Killik Community but that in the Dark Nest Crisis and the Swarm War…

Hank Chien: …that she fought on the side of the Killik’s against the Chiss? Yeah, I’m sure he knows that one as well. The barrels in this stage know about the Swarm War and the Killik’s you idiot.

Ninja Gaiden: Speaking of those barrel’s you guys…where are they? I thought we would be avoiding them like crazy the entire time we were in here.

Hank Chien: That is strange, even in the first level there are many more barrels then this. Unless…are you thinking what I’m thinking Gremy?

Gremlin: Oh yeah Hanky Panky, it’s her! It’s Jaina!

Hank Chien: Oh my god, there she is!

Gremlin: Look Ninj, there’s Jaina!

Hank Chien: Not only is she the most powerful Jedi in the long history of the order, she is also the most beautiful creature I have ever seen.

Gremlin: I love you Jaina!

Ninja Gaiden: That’s great you guys, we let her get to the top of the stage with all the barrels and fire at her disposal and we are still on the bottom floor.

Hank Chien: Hey, that’s why she’s the best. And trust me, coming from me that is saying something.

Gremlin: Okay Hank “I sometimes let a barrel kill me” Chien.

Ninja Gaiden: You can probably associate that nickname to all three of us because if that is what I think it is, we are all f@#$ed!

Moment’s later about two hundred or so barrels came crashing down on the three Highness members, killing them all quite violently. All the while Jaina Solo stood at the top of the stage, knowing full well that she truly did live up to the name that her uncle Luke bestowed upon her. The Sword of the Jedi will forever live on.