S9W1 - Kitties vs Commandos

The Super Kitties are:

Bo Schembechler (Coach), Mr. Freeze (Goalie), Andre Drummond,  Zoom, Old Man Parks, Deathstroke, Robin (Tim Drake), Robin (Damien Wayne), Penguin Suit Mario, Stephan Currie, Green Lantern Penguin, Red X (Dick Grayson), Red X, Robin (Stephanie Brown), Kid Flash, Ice Bros. #8-10, Brady Hoke

The Commandos are:

Scotty Bowman (Coach), Kris Draper, Henrik Zetterberg, Dominik Hasek (Goalie), Jiri Fischer, Jiri Slager, Darren McCarty, Brendan Shanahan, Chris Chelios, Kirk Maltby, Niklas Lidstrom, Pavel Datsyuk, Brett Hull, Igor Larionov, Luc Robataille, Mathieu Dandenault, Sean Avery, Tomas Holmstrom, Sergei Federov

The 01-02 Red Wings gather around in the Commandos locker room reminiscing about the glory days of that magical season 14 years ago. (Damn, I’m old.) McCarty is reenacting the fight with Lemieux vs the Avs in March of ‘96 (TWENTY years ago?!?!  I am really old) while the newer guys laugh.  Suddenly Jiri Fischer has a heart attack and everyone panics. Scotty starts chest compressions while Shanny does mouth to mouth. Within a few minutes, Jiri sadly passes.

“Well, let’s go win one for the Fishy” Bowman says to pump up the team.

The team suits up and heads down the tunnel to find themselves not in a rink, but a room with a Nintendo and a old tube TV. “Sweeeeet!” Screams Avery. “I played this all the time when I was a kid!”

A note taped to the TV says:

ONE PLAYER FROM EACH TEAM

ONE GAME

WINNER TAKES ALL

Avery enthusiastically volunteers to play for the Commandos while most of the Super Kitties try to figure out what to do with the controller.  Hoke’s only expierience with video games is yelling at his kids to turn theirs off. The team volunteers Old Man Parks to play on their behalf. The game starts and Parks chooses USA with the standard line of 1 skinny, 2 mediums and a fat guy. Avery goes with Canada, adjusts the speed to 5 and ups the time to 15 minutes. He also swaps out the 2 medium guys for skinnies opting for speed.

The whistle blows and the game starts Avery wins the opening face off and moves the puck quickly down the ice with the skinny guys passing multiple times until shooting it back to the point where the fat guy rips a slap shot past the goalie.

“Oh, come on! The net is smaller in soccer!” Screams the Kitties in protest.  Avery and the Commandos just laugh as he wins face off after face off and score 8 times before Parks can net one for the Kitties. The score is 19-4 as the zambonis clear the ice during the second intermission when Mr. Freeze has had enough of the shenanigans and freezes the entire commandos team along with the TV and Nintendo.  Deathstroke and all the Robins proceed to smash all the commandos into fragments just like when Arnold shot the T-1000 in T2.

“Game Over” says Mr. Freeze.

“Yeah, for us!” Says Bo holding a broken controller by the cord.