Universe Bowl X

Midgets are: Magneto (4 death), Mr. Mxyztipk, Yoda (w/ white lantern ring), Omega Supreme (4 death), Neo (w/ 2 white lightsabers, 4 deaths), The Millennium Falcon (piloted by Han Solo(4 deaths), Chewbacca (4 deaths), Falco, Nightsister Acolyte), The Outrider (piloted by Lando Calrissean (4 death), Lobot (4 death)), Achilles, Queen Aga’po, Luminara Unduli (w/ GLR), Barriss Offee (w/ BLR), Indigo One & Monk, Sinestro (w/ Yellow and Green Lantern ring & a Star man), Darth Maul (w/ RLR), Star Wolf (w/ Double Red lightsaber) in a Sith Fighter, Star Fox (w/ Blue Lightsaber) in Arwing, Naxgul #9 on Fell Beast, Colonel James Monroe (W/ darksaber) On Nazgul#9’s Mordor Horse, Super Star destroyer (Piloted by President James Madison (w/speed ring), Peppy Hare, Vorian Atreides, Fantastic Max, AB, FX, Alexander the Great & Bucephalus), Apache Helicopter (Piloted by FA-4, Jimmy Olsen in a Tanooki Suit, Lois Lane (w/ cape feather) & Ewok #7), Black Lantern Emperor Palpatine, Duncan Idaho (the OG version), Black Dragon (4 death), X-23 (w/ Red Lightsaber), Starscream (w/Orange Lantern ring), Count Dooku (w/ Yellow Lantern ring), He-man with battle cat, Asajj Ventress in Stealth X-wing), Mother Talzin.

TEAM is: Superman (4 deaths), Superboy (4 deaths), Unicron, Primus, God Emperor Leto II, Optimus Prime w/ Roller, Super Star Destroyer (piloted by General Grievous, Magnaguard #1-2 & Dave Bowman: the Starchild), Vulcan, Beta Ray Bill, Thanos (w/ Infinity Gauntlet and Power, Soul, Space & Reality stones), Darksol, Trygon, Seraph, Jedi Houslander family (Josh, Laya, Alex, Scarlett, Grayson and all their lightsabers), Astro-Train, Blitz-Wing, Titan #1-2, The Artrip Family (Chris in Tankooki Suit, Julie with Fire flower, Ella in a frog suit, Jack with the Racoon Leaf, Ben in a Goomba Sock, all riding in a Tank), Aircraft Carrier with Jack LaLane, Jet Li in Apache Helicopter & John Wayne in a biplane, Tripticon, Brunt, Full-tilt, Cybertronian Guardian #1-8), Sharkticon #1-4, Emerald Weapon.

In the Water...

Jack LaLane is barely breaking a sweat as he swims through the turbulent seas of the Playoff Planet II. Remarkable as the feat alone would be given his advanced age, what is more amazing is that he has rigged a harness around himself and is pulling an Aircraft Carrier across the sea. Sharkticons #1-4 flank LaLane as he swims. On deck, Jet Li and John Wayne are fueling up their aircrafts while Superman and Superboy stand at the bow reenacting the “King of the World” scene from Titanic. Even though spirits are high, the gravity of today’s match is not lost on the two Kryptonians as they both sit on their final death. When the time comes, these two will be ready. 

Closing in fast on the horizon comes the Midgets water team. Darth Maul and Luminara Unduli have constructed boats with their lantern rings. Dooku and Mother Talzin ride with Maul while Bariss Offee, He-man and Battle Cat ride with Unduli. X-23 rides on the back of Black Dragon. The two teams converge as Jet Li and John Wayne take to the sky. Jet Li begins to fire on the ships from his Apache Helicopter and He-man and Battle Cat are knocked into the sea where they are quickly eaten by the Sharkticons. Unduli and Offee bail and jump to the deck of the Aircraft Carrier. As the Sharkicons concentrate on their feast, Mother Talzin and Count Dooku are able to easily kill all 4 in the water as they pass by. As the dark side ship attempts to board the Carrier as well, John Wayne is nearing the end of his quick kamikaze run and is able to kill Mother Talzin before she can board the ship. The two jedi and two sith begin to battle with Superman and Superboy on the deck of the Aircraft carrier. The Black Dragon as well as JetLi circle overhead attempting to help their side. Jet Li is able to kill X-23 who falls from the dragon into the sea. The Black Dragon lights up the Apache and it goes down in an uncontrolled spiral, crashing on the deck of the ship where the Super duo have just bested Darth Maul. Recoiling to the sky, Super boy takes out the Black Dragon while Superman quickly blasts a hole into the deck of the ship causing the remaining Midgets to fall deep into the hull. The two then bombard the side of their own ship causing it to quickly fill with water and drag the trapped Midgets underwater to their death. LaLane tries to unfasten his harness and attempts to call out to his Super teammates. They seem to have forgotten about him as they fly off to fight another battle leaving the old man to thrash helplessly on the surface until he is slowly pulled under as well.

In the Arctic…

Magneto, Neo, Queen Aga’po and Achilles brave the frigid temps as they square off against Tripticon, Blunt, Full-tilt, Emerald Weapon, Darksol, Seraph and Trigon for TEAM. Neo has two white lightsabers today and after already fighting Seraph, is able to cut through him quickly on his way to kill the Emerald Weapon. Achilles charges at Darksol and after a brief struggle is defeated by the Shining Force devil king. Queen Aga’po tries to spread her message of love but Evil conquers good today as the Dark Lord Trigon fires a blast that tears her in two. Magneto pulls Full Tilt and Brunt to the sky and uses Brunt’s rockets to kill Dark Sol. He then turns the weapons on Tripticon who bats them out of the sky and destroys them. Magneto then turns his attention to the giant Transformer himself and attempts to restrain him while Neo is able to get on its head and kill the beast with his two lightsabers. Before they can regroup Trigon is able to get to Magneto and issue him his final death by bashing his skull and burning his corpse. This death takes time, which is easily manipulated by Neo who can decapitate the DC Supervillan and fly off to assist his team elsewhere. 

In the Desert…

“Fortunate Son” By CCR blares out the speakers in the Apache Helicopter piloted by a FA-4 droid. Jimmy Olsen and Lois Lane sing along inside. The Houslander Family and the Artrip Family have already engaged the Midgets in battle. The Artrips are riding in a tank as the Jedi Houslanders along with Titans #1-2 and Cybertronian Guardian #1-8 charge after James Monroe (on Mordor Horse) Indigo One and Monk. Josh’s kids are able to chop the limbs off of Monk before they are executed by our 5th president who easily kills them with his darksaber. Josh avenges the death of his children but is then torn with guilt that a founding father died at his hands. In his distraction, he is murdered by Indigo One. Indigo One proceeds to kill Titans #1-2 while she and Nazgul #9 (who rides in on a Fellbeast) easily dispatch the Cybertronian Guardians #1-8. The Artrip Family barrels into the fight with the tank and fire shots at the Fellbeast until one finds its mark and downs the monster killing it and Nazgul #9 in the fall. God Emperor Leto II holds the Apache Helicopter still long enough for the Artrips to aim their cannon again and give the crew the Kobe Bryant treatment. The explosion is beautiful but shrapnel flies everywhere, disabling the tank and killing all but Chris (who turned to stone using his Tanooki suit) and Jack who flew away at the last second with his leaf. Ewok #7 was grabbed by Lois Lane at the last second and floated to safety using her cape feather. Ewok #7 and Jack, although “enemies” are both pacifists and decide that they would rather go play Legos so Jack uses his leaf again to fly the two of them both out of the match. Chris returns to his human form and is killed by Indigo-1 who is then destroyed by God Emperor Leto II. As Duncan Idaho charges after the son of Muad’dib, Leto decides he’s had enough of all this mess and commands the desert to swallow them both and all the deceased into the sand and return the surface as if nothing happened. 

Lois Lane was watching quietly and hiding over the crest of a nearby dune after escaping the crash. She was spared from the culling. As too was the Mordor Horse that was ridden by James Monroe earlier. She calmly mounts the steed and rides off. 

In Space…

“I got a bad feeling about this…” says Han to Chewie in the Falcon.

Around them outside, the carnage and debris of the recent space battle float outside the window. Both Teams had Super Star Destroyers and they pulled the Holdo Maneuver on each other leaving 4 halves of two ships floating outside with corpses everywhere. Dave Bowman the Starchild and Mr. Mxyztipk wisked themselves off to another plane of existence and now here they sat facing not one but two planet sized Transformers. Starscream leads the charge toward Unicron while Asajj Ventress a Stealth X wing, Star Wolf in a Sith Fighter, Lando and Lobot in the Outrider fly behind in a V pattern. Han and Chewie wait for the go ahead. Unicron takes out the sith Fighter while his brother Primus takes out The Outrider. Starscream unloads an enormous volley on Unicron who has to open up to attack with more firepower. Han and Chewie know this is their chance and fly into the heart of Unicron and rips the planet in two as it sacrifices itself by hitting hyperspace. Destroying both Unicron as well as themselves and the Falcon.

Primus has time during the attack to focus its attention on taking out Starscream as well as Asajj Ventress in the X wing. 

In The Forest…

Astro-Train and Blitz Wing tangle with Star Fox in an Arwing who goes down early. Omega Supreme is able to repay the favor and easily kill both of them with his rockets. Superman and Superboy arrive to help out and Superboy goes right for Omega Supreme blasting the Transformer with heat vision. Black Lantern Palpatine hits him with a bolt of lightning as Neo shows up and cuts his arms off before driving both white lightsabers into the back of Superboy and ending his FFL run. Enraged, Superman pummels Neo into the ground then throws him into the sun also sending him to the graveyard. Omega Supreme is damaged but not defeated while Beta Ray Bill and Optimus Prime try to finish the job. Omega is able to kill Roller and Bill but Optimus Prime is able to finish off his Autobot brother. 

Thanos is marching slowly toward Palpatine who is bombarding him with sith lightning. Thanos keeps going, arm raised letting the gauntlet take the entire brunt of the attack. Closer and closer he gets until he is close enough to reach out and grab the hands of Palpatine. The contact causes an explosion that sends them both backwards and trying to regain their balance. Sinestro uses Starman to become invincible for a few seconds and charges at the falen Thanos killing him. Once the star wears off, Superman is waiting to burn a hole in his chest within seconds. Palpatine still on his knees sends short, quick bolts of lightning toward the man of steel but his speed shows no signs of stopping. Dodging the blasts takes little effort and he freezes the Emperor solid and then punches his frozen body sending it shattering into hundreds of pieces. 

“Clark!”

…

“Clark! Are you there?”

Superman scans the area with Optimus Prime to find the source. He recognizes the voice and rushes to help Lois Lane who has showed up on her Nazgul horse. Clearly no threat, he helps her off the horse and holds her head in his lap on the ground. 

“Why are you here, Lois? What good are you in this fight? I refuse to kill you.”

“A distraction…” she answers, smiling wryly.

Superman recognizes his error a moment too late. Yoda drops from the tree above them both and before he hits the ground, he has relieved the Last Son of Krypton of his head. Immediately reacting, Optimus Prime sends every rocket he has completely obliterating Lois, Yoda and the Horse. 

Standing silent but on edge he scans the area again, this time with a more intense scrutiny. He is able to relax when he hears Primus tell him that was the last of the Midgets and their work here was done.