Season 5, Week 8: Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs. Team Sleeping Pussy

“A great day comrades, we sail into history!”

-Marko Aleksandrovich Ramius

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 5, Week 7 Match located in the “Water”.  They are as follows:

Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve: Gaia, Oceanus, Tethys, Calypso, Tracy Strauss with Demon Rod, Wonder Twin – Zan, Wonder Twin – Jayna, Nerkkod: Breaker of Oceans Merged with Nightsister Sith Witch #1 via hammer, Angir: Breaker of Souls Merged with Beast Man via hammer, Destroyer-class Battleship with: Marko Aleksandrovich Ramius, Navy Seals #45-50, Swift Boat with: Navy Seal Chief #14, Daniel LaRussa with blue lightsaber and green lantern ring, and Young Anakin Skywalker with blue lightsaber and blue lantern ring.

Team Sleeping Pussy: Namor and Griffin, Dolphin, Aspen, Black Manta, Aquagirl, The Sea Captain, Sharkticons #41-46, Female Sentinels #6-7 and Navy Sailors #1-4.

The Kennelz’s swift boat reacts violently to the extremely choppy waves. Navy Seal Chief #14 is familiar with these conditions and stoically steers the craft while Daniel LaRussa and Young Anakin Skywalker (both a little queasy) scout for the enemy. 

Anakin Skywalker:  This is tense!!!

The two ring bearers locate Namor riding his Griffin.  LaRussa and Skywalker take to the skies.  They surround the Submariner and Griffin.  Namor is thrown from his mount due to a well-placed green projectile.  Skywalker and LaRussa capture the Atlantean prince’s steed and raise Griffin from the water.  They then release their colored auras from Griffin and the beast falls.  Before Griffin can reach the waters below, Skywalker and LaRussa use their blue lightsabers to slice the beast apart.  Namor screams, enraged, and dives beneath the waves.  Skywalker and LaRussa scan the area.  Black Manta uses his jet boots and Namor uses his winged feet to burst from the water.  Manta uses his wrist gauntlets to electrocute Skywalker.  Namor handles LaRussa and puts him in a sleeper hold.  As LaRussa begins to pass out, Black Manta’s helmet-eyes produce their energy beams.  LaRussa is blasted.  The two Pussies then dive back into the water and flip the swift boat over.  Navy Seal Chief #14 is drowned by the enhanced duo. 

Navy Sailors #1-4 and the Sea Captain ride on the metallic hides of Sharkticons #41-45.  They all land on the Destroyer-class battleship, which is commanded by Marko Aleksandrovich Ramius.  The debonair Russian captain is flanked by Navy Seals #45-50.  The Navy members battle one another to the tune of The Village People’s “In the Navy” which inexplicably plays through the ship’s p.a. system.  Eventually, Navy Seals #45-50 kill Navy Sailors #1-4.  It is only a short time after though before Navy Seals #45-50 are ripped apart by the Sharkticons.  Ramius sees that his ship will be overtaken and begins the process of attempting to escape.  Ramius decides that this match does not warrant him “going down with the ship.”  The Sea Captain blocks Ramius. 

The Sea Captain:  You are an embarrassment!

Ramius:  I may be my friend, but you are a Pussy!

The Sea Captain:  As a matter of fact, I am!

The Russian and Black Freighter obsessed mariners fight to the death.  The Sea Captain comes out on top; Ramius is killed. 

The aquatic Titaness Tethys joins forces with her brother-Titan, Oceanus, to flood the Battleship.  The Sea Captain, unlike Ramius, valiantly goes down with the ship.  Gaia then joins her godlike teammates and floats before the robotic force of Team SP. 

Gaia:  We are gods!!!!  You will show us. . .

Before Gaia can finish her sentence, she is set upon by Sharkticons #41-45 and Female Sentinels #6 and 7.  The titans are ripped apart since the robots do not care about the aristocratic standings of their enemy within this match.  Although Gaia, Tethys and Oceanus are killed in the melee, so are Sharkticons #42, 45 and Female Sentinel #6.   

Tracy Strauss freezes an area of water to create a singular flotilla.  She then uses her powers to freeze Sharkticon #43 in place.  Before the Transformer is destroyed, Female Sentinel #7 heats the ice and frees the metallic shark.  While this occurs, Aquagirl jumps out of the water and reaches Strauss.  Strauss reacts in time and uses her demon rod to stun Aquagirl.  Before Strauss deals the “death blow,” Dolphin knocks her off guard and Sharkticon #43 takes its revenge by ripping her in half with its jaws.   

Zan and Jayna see the carnage around them. The Wonder Twins touch their hands together. 

Zan and Jaya:  Wonder Twin Powers-Activate. 

Jayna:  Form of. . . a sea monster.

Zan:  Form of. . . an ice vessel.

Jayna (in monster form) is beset upon by Sharkticons #41, 43 and 44 and Female Sentinel #8.  The battle of the behemoths occurs and in the end Jayna is killed.  Nonetheless, she manages to destroy the remaining Sharkticons and Female Sentinel before her death. 

The embodiments of Nerkkod and Agir join Calypso on Zan. Zan is destroyed by the water manipulation abilities of Aspen and the Kennelz fall into the water.  Although taken somewhat off guard at this instance, they are in no way defenseless.

The final battle is furious between the combatants.  Calypso battles Black Manta and Namor.  Although the sea nymph, manages to damage Black Manta’s armor, she falls in battle as she is no match for the combined powers and abilities of both the Submariner and villain.  Beast Man’s power imbibed body manages to kill Black Manta.  Focused on Black Manta, Beast Man is distracted, allowing the trio of Dolphin, Aspen and Aquagirl to take advantage and rip the hammer from him. Beast Man is then killed.  Nightsister Sith Witch #1 uses the power of Nerkkod to rip Dolphin and Aquagirl apart.  Namor reaches NSW1 and hold her as Aspen sucks out the water flowing throughout her body in her blood.  NSW1 dies.