The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Shemalabama’s Shit Kickers

The Midgets consist of Emperor Joker, Walter Day, Dark Side Adept #3, Hobbit #1, & Pony #1

The Shit Kickers consist of Yogurt, Baby Storm, Orko, Molar-Eternian, Kyle Broflovski, Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Kenny McCormick, & Juliet.

The Midgets arrive at Arkham Asylum with their new name, ready to fight. Due to the recent influx of minorities into Gotham , the prison has become extremely overcrowded with the surplus being relocated to the asylum, which could not be emptied for this week’s battle. The Midgets are undressed by the eyes of the prisoners and regret their name change as they realize they are about to become bottoms.

The Shit Kickers are in a similar situation as they enter the match. Most of them are worrying about which gang they should join, while Juliet has a happy “I’m becoming a mother” day and tries to figure out if she was just impregnated by Tyrell or Tyrone.

“Hey man, your chocolate taco is lookin’ tasty!” says a Mexican inmate to Eric Cartman. As the man advances towards the boy Molar-Eternian Dentist gives him a good prison shanking. This starts an all-out prison brawl leaving Orco, baby storm, Hobbit #1, Pony #1, Yogurt, and Juliet (and her recently well fertilized womb) dead. Security stops the fight and escorts everyone back to their rooms.

The Shit Kickers break out of their rooms and go hunting for the enemy.  They split up, as the south park crew sticks together and Molar-Eternian Dentist goes it alone.

The South Park crew wander around aimlessly and are about to give up when Emperor Joker appears. The four run at Emperor Joker and punch him repeatedly. He laughs maniacally as their punches do nothing. Kenny begins to realize that there is nothing they could possibly do to kill Emperor Joker, and that they are likely about to die. “I’m sick of always being the one who has to die!” says Kenny, right before he stabs all of his friends in the back.

“I like this one, I think I’ll let him live.” Says Emperor Joker

After some searching, Molar-Eternian Dentist comes to a room where he finds an old man meditating. “I have heard of you before, you are Walter Day aren’t you?” says Molar-Eternian Dentist

“Yes I am. How may I help you?” replies Walter Day

Molar-Eternian Dentist has a confused look on his face. “What kind of Team Owner would send a decrepit old pacifist into battle?” He barks.

“I am old, no doubt about it. And yes, I am a pacifist. If you wish to kill me, go ahead, I will not fight back. Before you do, I think you may be interested in what I have to say.” Says Walter Day

This piques Molar-Eternian Dentist’s interest. “Okay” he says, “but make it quick, I have others to kill after you.”

“You know, when people meditate, they often contemplate happiness. I do as well, but recently I have been meditating on the origins of the FFL. It is then that I realized that the two are interrelated.  I thought to myself, what is the antithesis of happiness?”

“Constipation?” asks Molar-Eternian Dentist

“Exactly!” responds Walter Day. “You see, people are the least happy when they are constipated, and the happiest after a fresh dump. The commissioner of this league only takes a dump once a month, making him an angry man. When he created this league he hadn’t pooped in quite a while, and angrily filled the draft list with people who apparently don’t take dumps either so they just want to fight each other all the time. He even failed to put toilets in the locker rooms so that no one could poop and the teams would be forced to fight each other out of anger. This is why we fight, we all just want to poop.” Says Walter Day

“Wait,” Interrupts Molar-Eternian Dentist “When you say commissioner you mean Josh, but didn’t you know that this league was CO-CREATED?!?”

“Yeah whatever, Ryan doesn’t poop much either, they are both equally constipated.” Replies Walter Day. 

“They both held their poop in for the creation of this league. Happy? Anyways, the point is that I have found the key to happiness. Consume plenty of vegetable and coffee and you will be very happy.”

 
Molar-Eternian Dentist notices that the room has a foul odor.  He looks around to see he is standing in about two feet of feces. “I’m done listening.” Says Molar-Eternian Dentist, as he lunges at Walter Day. Walter Day quickly levitates into the air as Molar-Eternian Dentist swings at him. He misses, slips on the feces and knocks himself out, causing him to drown in Walter's poop.