DARTH SHEMALYAH'S ACOLYTES

Have I ever told you the story of Darth Shemalyah's Acolytes?  They were known by many through their given names Nik Landsoh and Brek Nyram.  They were known by all as the Hands of Shemalyah -- Death and Destruction.  Their tale is one of utter devastation to any who opposed their will.  They were the most vile creatures to walk within the stars and planets.  None shall forget their role in the complete annihilation of an entire race.  I implore that you remember their names and heed my warning- face them at your own peril. . . .

TO BE CONTINUED. . .  

Season 8: Final Consolation Match - All the Loser-Type Teams

“’Cause baby now we got bad blood!”

 -Taylor Swift  [Bad Blood]

 
Hello all.  This here is Papaw.  I was approached in April of this year by three gentlemen who call themselves “The Triumvirate.”  They asked me if I would “watch” a match for this thing you call the Fantasy Fantasy League.  Sounded silly to me, but I figured, what the heck?  Why not?  I got nothin’ better to do than waste a few hours of my life telling a story to a bunch of losers who think this dangnabbit stuff is real. . .  Since I’m callin’ myself Papawatu, I figured that I could do what I wanted with this here match.  So, I brought along with me Mamaw, my grandson Bama and his close friend, newly arrived from England, in fact, Rob C.  I guess all the loser-type teams are playin’ this round since them Horsemen peoples all kicked your behinds although it all seems a little fuzzy as to what really happened in that Bowl thingie.  Anyway, the teams, I’m told, are as follows:  

Griswold's Nutbusters:  Dexter Jettster, Doozer #15, Uncle Buck and ICP:  Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J in a Y-1300 Light Freighter;

Brock Samspon’s Fighting Murderflies:  Jedi Fire (Immell #10), ALF with a halberd, Dorf, Rowlf the Dog, Oscar the Grouch, Brony Becks and Ewok #22 in The Punisher Van;

The Grindhouse: Michael Knight, Tom Brady with a blue lantern ring and Jar Jar Binks in KITT;

The Midgets:  Ron Popeil, Ratts Tyrelle, Lolo, Norm Peterson and Cliff Clavin with a flamethrower in The T-Ship;

Barkley's:  Space Ghost in an A-Wing;

The Empire:  Jim Leyland and Watchdogs #2-6 in an Ornithopter;

Commandos:  James McLeod, Sir Winston Churchill, Chevell and Clone Trooper #100 in a Submarine;

Super Kitties:  Manic the Hedgehog, Sonja the Hedgehog and Doyle Blackwell with a blue lightsaber in The Shark Ship;

B-3:  Jedi Guardian #2 and Phazeron in a Snow Speeder;

Slaves:  Kyle Katarn in an ArWing;

Sith Aids:  Daniel Bryan, Blitzkrieg Bat, Ronald McDonald with throwing knives and Pig Boy in The Ghost;

Team Sleeping Pussy: James Bond with an astro harness and Winnie the Pooh in Archimedes;

Real Man’s Rabble Rousers:  Ice Man and Slider with Linny, Tuck, Ming Ming, and Ollie, and Special guest Bill Cosby in an Imperial Shuttle;

The Royal Highness: Sailor Moon, D.C. Spiderman, Marvin the Martian and Linus Van Pelt in The T-Car.

So, now that you have all the team information.  I’m gonna be startin’ the match and my family and friends will follow up?  That sound good, all?  I see all them noddin’ their heads so here goes.

Let the wacky race battle begin. .  .

Papaw’s Call…

So the Slaves’ Kyle Katarn rides in that ArWing ship.  The ArWing shoots across the sky like me done gone spottin’ a ‘coon.  Katarn sets his sights on the ornithapther. . .  ornethropson. . . o.r.n.i.t.h.o.p.t.e.r. ship thing driven by that ex-Tigers coach who smokes a lot and has that gruff voice, Jim Leyland.  Leyland is sandwiched between Watchdogs #2-6.  Katarn uses his vehicle’s smart bomb launcher, which squarely hits that cruddy piece and blows Watchdogs #2 and #5 overboard.  I hear Leyland shout some vileness at Katarn.

Leyland:  Damn you, Katarn!  Damn you to Hell!!!

I see Katarn in that cockpit of his smilin’.  Katarn fires his laser canons.  The ornithinggie is obliterated and the remaining Watchdogs and Leyland die in a fiery conflagration.  I learned that conflagration word just recently.  Glad I could use it.  THE EMPIRE IS ELIMINATED!  

 
Mamaw’s Call. . .

Hello.  Let me just tell you all how very pleasured I am to be watching a portion of this final consolation match.  Almost as much as how much I just like pleasing Papaw and his meat spicket until it gurgles its gravy.  So, I see a bunch of water below.  I’m watching the churning, just like I do when I boil that possum for Thanksgiving.  I see a submarine manned by the Commandos.  James McLeod shouts at Chevell to ready the torpedoes and he, along with Clone Trooper #100 start pushing that projectile like I do with Papaw at times. Sir Winston Churchill barks some orders and the peedo is pushed into the tube and launched.  The torpedo races toward the Shark Ship of the Super Kitties.  Manic and Sonja both are able to twist the ship and the peedo misses its mark.  The Kitties race their ship to the submarine, which has risen to the surface.   The Shark Ship reaches the submarine and Doyle Blackwell jumps from his ship and lands near the hatch of the submarine.  Blackwell uses his blue lightsaber to cut through the hatch.  Blackwell then lands in the submarine and kills all combatants, but Clone Trooper #100 manages to shoot Blackwell in the close quarters.  As Clone Trooper #100 pops his head out of the submarine’s hatch, both Manic and Sonja dispatch him.  The hedgehogs then initiate the self destruct bottom of the submarine and ride off in their ship.  COMMANDOS ARE ELIMINATED!

Bama’s Call. . .

WOOOOO!  I love that KITT Car and I see that the Grindhouse is using it.  I love that car’s accent; it is so sophisticated and stuff.  That’s why I’ve gotten close with Rob C.  He may be from these here States, but being over in England for a while, and he gained that British accent just like Madonna did!  So, here goes.   Michael Knight is driving KITT and the two are talking and stuff.  They talk about what they think about the new Star Wars movie is going to be like and how it should be great.  Then they talk some strategy about the match, but I don’t really pay attention that much because I’m still pondering about their Star Wars discussion.  So, I see Jar Jar Binks with his head out of the passenger window, while Tom Brady pops out the window and flies with his blue lantern ring.  Brock Samspon’s Fighting Murderflies are racing around the way in the Punisher Van with Jedi Fire (Immell #10), ALF with a halberd, Dorf, Rowlf the Dog, Oscar the Grouch, Brony Becks and Ewok #22.  The van’s side door opens and ALF uses the halbeard to lop off the head of Jar Jar.  Kinda reminds me of when Mace Windu lopped off the head of Jango Fett; that was awesome, but sad when poor Boba just sat their with the helmet against his head.  Well, the Punisher Van launches weapons and stuff, but KITT and Michael’s superior driving ability avoid all of the hubbub.  KITT then spins around and bumps the Van.  Meanwhile, Tom Brady uses his blue lantern ring to rip off the door of the van.  Ewok #22 falls out and splats against the rocks on the ground.  Brady then kills Dorf, Rowlf and Oscar, but loses his shirt in the process.  Such rippling muscles.  Brony Becks is busy playing with his horse dollies and doesn’t pay attention as Immel #10 loses control of the van, which crashes and explodes in a conflagration.  I just learned that word from Papaw; hope I used it right.  MURDERFLIES ARE ELIMINATED!

Rob C’s Call. . .

Pip-pip and cheery-ho!  I’m back from bloody England and am excited to finally watch a match in this honorable FFL league.  Although some of you hurt my feelings the last time I showed up on the site, I decided to give you all another chance.  On that note, a man like me has to love Brony Beck, too bad he died so early. . .  Anyway, I’m looking at a snow speeder being flown by B3’s Jedi Guardian #2 and Phazeron.  I hear that Phazeron character has massive powers and is one of the biggies in the league.  They are facing off against Real Man and his team of Ice Man and Slider with Linny, Tuck, Ming Ming, and Ollie along with Special guest Bill Cosby in an Imperial Shuttle.  The snow speeder banks as the Imperial Shuttle fires at the double seated fighter.  You know, a funny thing I heard about the snowspeeder is that it can actually be flown by one person, unlike what some idiots in this league may believe.  So, the lasers strafe against the ship and sparks fly in the controls as Jedi Guardian #2 manages to steer away from sure death.  The speeder’s weapons are still functional and Phazeron fires the harpoom, skewering the shuttle and taking with it a decimated Linny, Tuck, Ming Ming and Ollie.  Bill Cosby is spewing some rhetoric because he accidentally drank his own concoction and Phazeron uses his subsonic blasts to take the shuttle out.  REAL MAN IS ELIMINATED!

Papaw’s Call. . .

I’m back y’all.  Here again to talk about what I’m watchin’.  I see Barkley’s Space Ghost in an A-Wing meeting up with the Sith Aids team.  Along done come the Sleeping Pussy Team in the Archimedes too.  James Bond is at the Archimedes controls with Winnie the Pooh eating honey from a pot by his side.   That bear sure loves his honey, just like the love I have for Mamaw’s squirrel stew.  Space Ghost strafes the Archimedes and tears the ship apart. Winnie the Pooh done gone boom with the ship.  But that crazy handsome Bond flies off in his astro harness and narrowly avoids Ronald McDonald’s throwing knives.  That ginger wrestler Daniel Bryan says “Yes” and jumps from the Ghost onto the spy.  They both plummet to their dooms as they go splat on the land below.  TEAM SLEEPIN’ PUSSY IS ELIMINATED!   A dog fight happens and the A-Wing and Ghost fly all over in circles and stuff.  Luckily, that burger boy McDonald and the Bat outmaneuver that caped ghost and destroy the A-Wing.  BARKLEY’S IS ELIMINATED!

Mamaw’s Call. . .

I know my little Bama just loves that Y-1300 light freighter cuz’ it looks like that Millenium Falcon that his Han Solo and Carpetbacca drive.   At the controls of the ship are Griswold's Nutbusters’ Uncle Buck.  I shed a small tear since he is with true friends this holiday season, Dexter Jettster, Doozer #15 and those crazy painted clowns of  ICP:  Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J.   The freighter banks off of the Midgets’ T-Ship, which has Ron Popeil, Ratts Tyrelle, Lolo, Norm Peterson and Cliff Clavin with a flamethrower.  Those clowns are so crazy.  I hear them singing.  Here’s the tune that is stuck in my head now:

We just anotha crazy click,
Doin' whatever to get us wild when we pumped up;
You ain't anotha bi&$h I ain't goin' lie, put ya guns up,
Show 'em who really runnin' the streets with the calicos.

A hatch opens up showing Cliff Clavin with a flamethrower.  The flames are shot at the ship and Doozer #15 fires a quad cannon and blows Clavin’s head off.  Norm Peterson becomes upset and huddles in the corner, drinking some beer.  The freighter’s quad cannons rattle the T-Ship.  Ratts Tyrelle cackles at Popeil, who uses his skills to begins to patch up the ship with his special spray paint, which is used both for his bald spot and insulating the ship.  Popeil looks down and notices that Lolo was killed in the last strike.  Popeil scream with rage at Lolo’s loss. 

Jettster:  Enough is enough!  Destroy the Midgets!

The freighter banks hard left and the quad cannons now used by the Posse decimate the Midget’s ship. Popeil huddles down to Peterson and holds the drunken blob in his arms.  Popeil looks into Peterson’s eyes.

Peterson:  I know. . .

The T-Ship explodes.

MIDGETS ARE ELIMINATED!

Bama’s Call. . .

B-3’s  Jedi Guardian #2 and Phazeron fly that snow speeder of theirs like there’s no tomorrow.  They fly back and forth and against the Slaves’ Kyle Katarn in an ArWing.  I have to be honest with you; this isn’t a lie – the battle is spectacular.  Everyone is shooting at one another.  And everyone is flying all over everywhere.  It reminds me of CVII when there were all these people everywhere throughout the center and I decided to see Clive Revel.  I thought it was just him and me, but I guess there were about twenty other people in line.  That Revel wouldn’t let me tell him where to sign my stuff and with what.  Revel said he knew what he was doing and gave me a really mean look.  That Clive Revel is a JERK!!!  What?  Oh yeah.  I’m supposed to be watching.  Needed Mamaw and Papaw to get me back here.  Well, I guess that while I was reliving that nightmare I only see Phazeron flying around.  The snow speeder and ArWing are gone.  Guess that means – THE SLAVES ARE ELIMINATED!

Rob C’s Call. . .

Cheers all again!  I see Michael Knight driving KITT with Tom Brady riding shotgun.  His clothes are somewhat tattered now due to his last skirmish and I guess you could say he’s riding bareback now.  Mmmmm.  Bareback.  The Royal Highness is riding alongside KITT in the T-Car.  Brady flies out of the car with his ring and he and Marvin the Martian are in a heated ray battle.  KITT knocks into the T-Car and Marvin loses his ray gun out the window.  Brady takes advantage of this and floats the martian out of the window and underneath the wheels of the T-Car.  Linus tried to reach Marvin and his blanket gets caught under the other tire.  Linus flies out of the car and breaks his neck.  Sailor Moon and D.C. Spiderman are then taken out by Brady, who single handedly overwhelms the Grindhouse and the T-Car and embarrasses the team, just like he’s doing with the entire NFL league this year.  THE HIGHNESS IS ELIMINATED!

Papaw’s Call. . .

This time I see them Nutbusters fightin’ against those Sith Aids dudes.  Now Mamaw heard those two creepy clowns singing, but I tell those two to turn that sh#t off!  I won’t be havin’ none of that ghetto drivel messin’ up my match.  Now that I can focus on my part of the match again.  I see the Ghost and Falcon-type ship fighting.  That Ronald McDonald clown is all upset at the ICP clowns.  The ships open their hatches and the clowns face off against one another.  I forgot to turn my hearing aid back up after that music got turned off and I missed what that red clown said to the black ones.  I just know I see a couple throwing knives hit the ICP ones and they both fall out of the ship.  That Ronald one is all happy and stuff and looks at the Bat and Pig before realizing his ship is being blown up.  SITH AIDS ARE ELIMINATED!

Mamaw’s Call. . .

B3’s Phazeron meets up with that Shark Ship being controlled by a couple of those rodent hedgehogs.  Don’t really like the taste of that type of that hedgehog meat because there are too many spikes and bones while not enough meat; could probably make a tasty soup from them though.  And that is exactly what that beastly Phazeron does to the Kitties.  Phazeron uses all of his powers to wipe out the ship along with the hedgehogs.  Phazeron looks unstoppable!  My oh my he is a strapping lad. KITTIES ARE ELIMINATED!

Bama’s Call. . .

I see the Grindhouse taking on the Nutbusters.  Oh, us Watchers are so close to the end now, we can just taste the excitement!  So Jettster is at the controls while both Uncle Buck and Doozer #15 are in the quad turrets.  They are pummeling the land around KITT.  Michael Knight is an incredible driver, but he cannot avoid the barrage of laser fire of the Grindhouse.  Michael Knight and KITT, I’m so sad to say, go up in a conflagration.  Brady is ejected from KITT, because he was in the car at the time and skirts death.  Oh, there’s that word again which I was able to use.  Conflagration.  Wow.  I’m good.  But the nearly victorious and celebrating Nutbusters fail to notice a shirtless Brady and his ring.  Brady forms football constructs which are partially deflated and fires them at the freighter.  The freighter is ripped apart.  Brady flies off and skirts away from what looked to be a sure fire suspension of his activities from the match.  NUTBUSTERS ARE ELIMINATED!

Rob C’s Call. . .

So I have the final say.  B3 against the Grindhouse. . . Phazeron against Tom Brady.  This is a no brainer.  First of all I want to say to all you losers who actually are in this league -  Get a life!  Spend your time with family and friends!  Phazeron!?!?  Seriously, he’s not even a character in ANY universe.  Marvel.  DC.  TV. Movies.  Nothing.  Phazeron is just another character that tool Beckerman made up to screw with the league.  I’m not going to be like Mamaw and think he is the end all of everything.  He’s made up.  Just like that Darth Shemalyah chick.  Seriously.  Shemalya?!?!  I heard she even has a couple acolytes that are going to be introduced this year!  Brady. Now that is a true man.  A living, breathing person with a wonderful family and beautiful wife.  Look to reality people.  Brady is the true winner.  You are all the true losers.  And so is B3 and all of his B.S.!  So this is me, Rob C., back and now able to tell you how I really feel.  Oh, by the way, if you idiots haven’t figured it out already B3 IS ELIMINATED!

THE GRINDHOUSE IS VICTORIOUS AND IS TRIUMPHANT IN THE FINAL CONSOLATION MATCH OF SEASON 8!

 

 

 

The ending of beginnings

This is not an admission of failure.

The schemes cooked up in opening stages were flawless. Something never seen before. Never attempted before. Endless possibilities. Realities to shape and destroy as seen fit. A huge undertaking filled with lots of work, but the end result would be well worth it.

The amount of work is not the issue. The opportunity to visit various timelines and create or improve on legends is the stuff many dream of.

I just tire of death and destruction.

The powers we dream of and play with, we don't truly understand the depths with which they can be used. Not until you come face to face with something that renders you lost and powerless. Questioning what the mark you are leaving behind on others. Truly seeing if you can walk the talk and talk the walk.

I have talked, now I walk.

Breaking the timeline. Stardust. All that which has been brought to set up this truly epic confrontation between two legacies here in this league. The stories which have danced around, just waiting to be told will remain untold and unwritten. Known by a select few. Forever locked away.

The assassination of the Watcher by the Horsemen. His resurrection by the Black Hand. The Horsemen themselves writing and controlling the reality of the Universe Bowl. The identity of Stardust and his mad gambit. How it worked, and then didn't
.
The Horsemen are victorious at the end of the day. This was the only possibility. Always the result.

However.

The end has now changed. The main continuity has been restored, but there are no deaths in this tale.

The Horsemen win, but the TEAM survives.

This result comes as a result of the Horsemen's Celestials using their expansive cosmic powers to find the various members of both teams who have been scattered across reality. Forming a sort of cosmic Noah's arc, these once sworn enemies search for desperately for their lost home dimension.
 
The day is saved by a man who is well known to both. The time lost Superman from  last year finds himself tossed to this bleak and desolate timeline. A sliver of the time gem found broken in his hair is the key to returning things to normal, but a new home is needed to house this universe.

Enter Eternity.

The living universe agrees to house Fantasy Fantasy League. Not to be outdone, Stardust sacrifices the last remaining bit of Playoff Planet dust that gives him his powers, allowing the PlayOff Planet to reform, and become the literal heart of the universe. His powerless form is now known to all, and is shocking to some. Out of respect, I will not get into that here, but if the other who knows the name I've put to this character wishes to enlighten others, I have no problem with that.

The only catch to this new system, is no one can remember what occurred during their time spent in the universe bowl.  All that is known is that the hated and reviled Horsemen have pulled off their greatest feat and are three time champions. The fact that they spared TEAM in the recreation is not something mentioned or dwelled on. They all live to fight another day.

Consolation Wacky Races: Final Round

-Setting: TBD by Watcher

-Watcher: Becks

-Points: 32 and a vehicle or vehicles (if necessary) of your choosing from your roster (this will not count as one of its uses).

-Prize:
1st Place: Slave IV
2nd place: Star Fox's Arwing
3rd place: Slippy Toad's Landmaster
4th place: An A-Wing
5th place: A F-14
6th place: A Ferrari F-40
7th place: A Pontiac Fiero GT
8th place: A Snowmobile

Participants:
-Everybody but TEAM and The Horsemen

-The squads are due in by this Friday July 10th, if you fail to send one in or simply do not feel like it, your squad will automatically default to your squad from the week before.

Good luck!!

SOSALLWATCHERSSOSALLWATCHERSSOSALLWATCHERSSOSAL

IF YOU CAN READ THIS. I NEED HELP

STOP

THE TIMELINES ARE BROKEN. STILL SIFTING.

STOP

THE PRIMELINE IS

PRIMELINE

I CAN'T

NEED ASSISTANCE

STOP

PLEASE

IT'S TOO MUCH

STOP

I'M  lost


pleae help me.


stop

Destiny averted?

HeRe we Are. At the final momEnTS. WiTH the rosTEr that TEAm has, of course they'rE big gAMbiT against the HorseMEN would be the "KRYPTON OFFENSIVE"

The Delorean fires up. It screeches off. It's destination, a few hours into the future. After the Planet has exploded and finished off the remaining Horsemen. The timing must be precise. Nothing can be left to chance. They know the Black Hand will stir and raise an army. That's why they must follow in the insane footsteps of their fallen foes, the Sleeping Pussies. This isn't just a match, the is THE match.

 The driver races forward. The combined powers of Thor and Zues crackle forth, as the time machine accelerates to it's desired 88 MPH. The lighting blasts strike their target...

ALong WIth an prEVIOusly unsEEn foRCe blast.

The time machine doesn't just break thE timesTReaM.

It desTRoyS it.

 PlayERS from botH teams find ThemselvES in A place thet don't RECognIZe. IN battLEs they arEN't prepAREd for.

The Universe Bowl is over. And iT haS trulY beeN the APOCALYpSe!!

now.

 NOW.

The Universe BOWLS have begun.

And I WiLl clAIm my ULtimate PRIze.

DadDy's HOME! See yOu sooN!!

XOXO!!!!

Universe Bowl VIII: The War to Settle the Score

Horsemen of Apokolips vs TEAM
1500 points
Prize: 30 resurrection points and a Trade Federation Command Ship

Before the fall, comes an origin.

Conception.

That moment where a new life begins. At it's most basic, core, scientific definitions it is when an egg is fertilized by a sperm and then the "miracle of life" begins. That single moment where you begin to forage ahead on that great path called destiny. Not knowing what lies before you, what you will see on this great adventure. You can do anything. Be almost anything. That's what they'll tell you. Your destiny, your own personal life plan, it will be a grandiose thing! Never before will anyone achieve the greatness that you will!


Sometimes, people don't know any better. Sometimes, they're definition of greatness is more in line with horrific and terrible. They things you will do will not be spoken of with reverence, but in hushed whispers of disgust and sadness.

It's almost funny who things have turned out. How it has all built to this. Mommy and Daddy just had the fight of their lives! It was SO CLOSE! If only, IF ONLY Daddy had pulled it off, if he had stopped Mommy. Then this wouldn't have to happen. Then I- I wouldn't have to happen.

But it will.

I will still happen, despite my efforts.

I suppose my conception began all those years ago. Daddy was so young then. It was his one of his first times there. His crazy band of misfits. They fought their hearts out that day on the planet. But as bad as they wanted it, HE  wanted it more for them. The one the planet hates. The one who is banished forever. The timeless one who turned them all into rubble just for his own vanity.

 I can't imagine Daddy would know that Kang would not only win him a match, but then again, Kang was always underestimated by the Watchers. That horrific day when he first sacrificed the Playoff Planet, just to beat the Slaves. He said it would reform, knew it would. For that is the destiny of the Planet. To house all the death and combat. The playground of the barbaric.

But what if all the devastation the planet holds doesn't want to just stay there? Suppose, just for a second, that piece doesn't go back to where it's supposed to. That it remains in the vast cosmos. It's no longer an island. It's now a STAR! A star that still aches from the cruelty the Watchers bestow on it. It still rages about the mindless slaughter of it's common, indigenous people. It wants to lash out at them, to HURT them. But what can it do? It's just one tiny speck out of millions. One small sperm. Swimming.

Just like the fish says, "You've got to just keep swimming" so Daddy's space sperm swims for decades and decades. It's conscious connection to the PlayOff Planet remains intact. But this, this one little star will change things. It will. It has too.

The pain of it's people MUST STOP.

And then one day,Daddy hears the cries. The cries of the one who is rich in glorious pedigree, but still empty inside. The one who's pain is equal to the anger that Daddy has.

Yesssss. Kismet. Perfection.

DESTINY.

So Daddy alters his course. Sets down for his perfect match. And crashes and burns into the stratospher Where he lands at the feet of Mommy. And he cries out

"You! No longer must you feel the suffering you do! I hear and see you! And I-I love you for who you are and what you and I can accomplish. So, so many will pay for our pain. Join me and together we will rewrite this universes destiny with it's own blood."

And Mommy- he thought for a second. Yes, yes he has had a good life. But trophies are meaningless. Victory comes at a cost, and this is one he tires of paying.

"What do you ask of me?" Mommy whispers. Daddy tells Mommy, and so it begins. 

Mommy smashes Daddy into bits. Grinds him down. Breathes in the Dust of the Star that was once an island that was a Planet destroyed by a madman in 2012.

Mommy changes. He begins to form. THe advance of his power sTrippINg AwaY All tHAt USEd to reMAIn of boTH PReviouS forMS.



Daddy and Mommy. Male and Female. Sperm and Egg. MadNEsS DescendING.

STarDUst  asCENDING.

RISE UP STARDUST! And fall, fall down Watchers.

So yes, we aLl KNow Now that DAddY SLeepS With KANG, but whaT TeAMmaTE Is MoMMy??

YoU'LL NEveR GUEss and I wON'T TelL Till YOu aLl fall DOwN.

CooL STorY JoSHATu.

too bad it's your Last. You could HAVe stopPEd me. ChangED destiny. But Once more, the Watchers have faILEd me.

SEe you All SOon.

Your time is UP. My timE is NOW.

Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. TEAM

**NOTE** This posting is the entire match, not just the conclusion. If you are already up to date with the postings, then what has already been posted and the new writing are separated by this:
************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************



Team Sleeping Pussy is Brother Blood (w/ Serious Black’s wand), Bizarro Superman, Planetary: Elijah Snow, Jakita Wagner, The Drummer, and Ambrose Chase, Dr. Manhattan, Bullseye (w/ a red lightsaber), Johnny Bates (Kid Miracle (adult version), Ultron, Catman and Black Cat in the Catmobile, Korvac, Gentleman Ghost, Duncan McLeod (w/ a green lightsaber), Dave Bowman: The Starchild, The WILDCATS: Spartan, Grifter, Zealot, Warblade, Maul, Lord Emp, and Void with an AT-ST, Rorschach (w/ a green lantern ring), Captain Boomerang, Nightshade, La Femme Nikita, Psycho Pirate, Wildcat, Sunfire, Baron Mordo, D’Spayre, Victoria (w/ a red lightsaber), Miracle Dog, Savage Dragon, Peacemaker, Darryl Revok w/ an Ultron bot in a X-Wing, Johnny Blaze, Western Ghost Rider, The Vanisher, Devil Dinosaur, Silk Spectre (w/ a blue lightsaber), (original) Silk Spectre (w/ a blue lightsaber), Hamato Yoshi, and Tunnel Rat.

TEAM is Unicron, The Presence, Solaris the Tyrant Sun, Thor, Ragnarok, Red Son Superman, Justice Legion Alpha Superman, God Emperor Leto II, Ultraman, Capt. America, Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, Supergirl (Linda Danavers), Comet the Super Horse, Sif and The Warriors Three: Hogun, Volstagg, and Fandral, Black Lantern Darth Vader, Galvatron (w/ a red lantern ring), Leviathon, Seraph and John Wayne in The Delorean Time Machine, Lando Calrissean, Nien Numb, Chani, Lady Jessica, Jack Lalane, Mimmell, and Robin the Toy Wonder in The Millenium Falcon.


Three Weeks.

Three long weeks.

For three weeks has this battle raged on; and that is not counting the first day. The first day is more of a blur at this time. It was the day that The Playoff Planet was reduced to a festering ball of barren heat. Dust, more than sand is what remains of the once vibrant planet. The heat of lasers, action, and death all contributing to the less than hospitable ball; but none of these factors truly contribute like the obvious and unbearable proximity to Solaris the Tyrant Sun, where the planet seems eternally stuck on its axis. No revolution or rotation making the past three weeks truly just one long day; but also simultaneously a never beginning year.



It was……………



For three weeks has this battle raged on; and that is not counting the first day. The first day is more of a blur at this time. It was the day that The Playoff Planet was reduced to a festering ball of barren heat. Dust, more than sand is what remains of the once vibrant planet. The heat of lasers, action, and death all contributing to the less than hospitable ball; but none of these factors truly contribute like the obvious and unbearable proximity to Solaris the Tyrant Sun, where the planet seems eternally stuck on its axis. No revolution or rotation making the past three weeks truly just one long day; but also simultaneously a never beginning year.




I am certain it was…..




For three weeks has this battle raged on; and that is not counting the first day. The first day is more of a blur at this time. It was the day that The Playoff Planet was reduced to a festering ball of barren heat. Dust, more than sand is what remains of the once vibrant planet. The heat of lasers, action, and death all contributing to the less than hospitable ball; but none of these factors truly contribute like the obvious and unbearable proximity to Solaris the Tyrant Sun, where the planet seems eternally stuck on its axis. No revolution or rotation making the past three weeks truly just one long day; but also simultaneously a never beginning year.


Three Weeks….

I mean three times….

Three times over three weeks; or was it three weeks three time. NINE WEEKS: yes, nine weeks. No it was only one week ago that the Presence forgave me for not remembering. But I am an all powerful Watcher I see all, I KNOW ALL.

I SAID I KNOW ALL!!................................................!!

It’s the time paradoxes, yes, yes, the paradoxes in time are running together in my brain. I am seeing them all at once. The match already ended. I saw TEAM win, they won the match, in fact they won the match twice. No, wait…. You can’t win a match twice. Team Sleeping Pussy won. That’s right. Bowman and Manhattan they strangely committed that ancient earth ritual, “The High Five”. No, no, no, NO. That didn’t happen either. It was the time paradoxes, they are definitely what is getting me confused. That didn’t happen, because no, not the time paradox it was the simulation. Ultron simulated the whole thing; but Seraph was there. He was part of the system he explained it to me that it was not a time paradox after all it was…. The brain in a vat, yes my brain is in a vat like Dr. Banner said. Or, wait…. A time paradox, it was a time paradox Tony Stark showed me the equation. It was flashing in front if his eyes and mine within his suit and in my mind. But then Manhattan……. Yes, Manhattan…… What he said was……. No, no that’s right. There is no time. There is NO TIME. Time is relative. It’s the Multiverse. It has to be the Multiverse. This is Fantasy Fantasy after all, the Multiverses within the Multiverse couldn’t handle all of the cross manipulation. Not with power of this magnitude. It was a cosmic occurrence. Unicron made it so…. He destroyed the planet; but the ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of The Force, no wait…. It is insignificant next to the power of the Black Lantern Corps, YES, that is what Vader said; NO, no he said both. But he didn’t say both at the same time, he said them different times.

Paradox.

Definitely paradox.

Okay Joshatu, get back to yourself. Get your head straight and think this through. Dammit.

It was time travel.

But time travel is impossible, I know that time travel is impossible, if time travel were possible than one in theory could go back in time and kills ones parents which would make one never be born which would make it impossible to go back and kill ones parents. This cannot be explained.

It is not possible.

But anything is possible. We travel through time every minute of every day.

It was……..

NO, it was………

………………………………………
………………………………………
………………………………………

The DELOREAN!!

The Delorean CAN travel through time. But Dr. Manhattan won’t let it………………………





So, here we sit. Sit and wait for the true battle to begin. It was Unicron who broke the back and sucked the life from The Playoff Planet. Solaris the Tyrant Sun now insures that it stays a dessert waste land, while The true Tyrant, the Kwisatz Haderach, The God Emperor Leto II himself reigns supreme over the rock. Ripping through the dunes on patrol of the 80% of the planet that he claims for himself and his TEAM. The only part not directly being controlled by Leto, being the enormous clump of steel and debris that have been mashed together into a near physical mass defying mess, by the planet’s enormous magnetic pull from its constant South pole. How many Sleeping Pussy sleeper agents wait there, cannot yet be known.

As for Team Sleeping Pussy, they are far from counted out of this equation. Ultron and Brother Blood have created a highly advanced free-floating space base and with a little help from Dave Bowman for self-sustainability, some heavy lifting from Bizarro and Bates, plus some snap of the finger freshly enriched oxygen from Dr. Manhattan, it makes for a perfect launch point for every member of the Team Sleeping Pussy squad.

Most of the powers that be on TEAM on the other hand are located in and around the shoulder area of Unicron where they are currently plotting their way out of this confusing space-time continuum of a match.

IN THE MIDST OF THE TEAM: TEAM MEETING:

Stark: (with Iron Man helmet in his arm): Now, Dr. Banner, you’re sure we can use the time machine at least one time without Dr. Manhattan stopping us and resetting the entire continuum again. Right??

Dr. Banner: No Tony, I’m not sure. I’m almost certain that if we reveal the new housing of the new time module that we will at best have one shot at taking out their solar base and everyone inside. So, more appropriately it is not that we have at least one time using it; but that we have a one time use proposition as our very best case scenario.

Stark: Well, Cap has got a plan, and not only is it going to require all of us to make it happen; but it is going to require all of us heavy hitters to be alive at the end of for the last hurrah. As for some of you……… how shall we say less than heavy hitters, your risk is just as bad; and unfortunately, you may be taking the brunt of the attack earlier rather than later.

Lady Jessica: We know who you mean by less than heavy hitters Stark. And we are ready to do what is necessary for victory.

Chani: I second that Man of Steel.

Stark: Yeah, sure creepy Fremen girl. But I’m Man of Iron, more like reinforced Tungsten polymer to be precise. He’s the Man of Steel (gesturing to his left). Kind of.

Red Son Superman: Da

Stark: So, everybody knows the plan, right?? Don’t answer that. And everybody is ready to do their part?? Everybody on board?? We all in?? Win one for the Gipper and all that crap?? Hope so.

Thor: The plan is sound. We shall be victorious.

Stark: How about you Calrissean?? You ready to get those threads a little messy??

Lando: I’m not sure if Nien Numb and I can handle that kind of flying or not to tell you the truth.

Capt. America: General Calrissean, if what I hear about you and your partner over there about The Battle of Endor is true, than we’ll do just fine. Now this may not be the most perfect plan ever devised; but it’s the only one we’ve got. So let’s go out there and do it. Let’s get the run down:

Cap: Fake hammer?

Jack Lalane: Check.

Cap: Fake shield?

Chani: Check.

Cap: Fake Iron Man Suit?

Mimmell: Check.

Cap: Fake Capes?

Lady Jessica: Check.

John Wayne: Check Pilgrim.

Cap: Pilot ready?

Lando: Check.

Cap: Artillery ready?

Galvatron: CHECK.

Cap: Now we just have to wait for Seraph and Fandral to get back with the Delorean; so we can……

Stark: Speak of the Devil.

Sif: Seraph,….., Where is Fandral.

Seraph: I am sorry to say my fellow rebels; but I have some bad news………

IN THE MIDST OF THE TEAM SLEEPING PUSSY: TEAM MEETING.

Ultron: So we have the Delorean?

Peacemaker: Yes sir. The Delorean is here. It had two enemy combatants inside. We killed the Asgardian; but the small one escaped, he was very fast. We thought it more important to obtain the Delorean itself, than to kill a soldier of his standing.

Dr. Manhattan: Your logic is sound Comedian, or whatever you are called in this plane of existence.

Starchild: That is correct. Neither of the men driving the machine were of any real importance. The main plan was to obtain the Delorean and take it out of the equation once and for all. These paradoxes we are all creating are beginning to have a negative effect on the very fabric of the cosmos.

(Black Cat, Darryl Revok, and Tunnel Rat rip apart the interior making sure that there are no traps and that this car is in fact the real article).

Tunnel Rat: Where the heck is the Flux compasitor?? Isn’t that the thing that makes it work?? I’m dying to see it.

Ultron: ENOUGH of this foolishness. Destroy that abominable bit of antiquated technology immediately. We may have stopped their plan, and won a victory; but we still have a TEAM to annihilate. Now GET TO WORK, or I shall do it myself.

(Baron Mordo, D’ Spayre, and The Wildcats make short work of the stainless steel 80s icon and turn it to dust in a matter of minutes).


ON THE DESERT WASTELAND THAT WAS ONCE THE PLAYOFF PLANET…

The Drummer uses his ability to detect and manipulate streams of information to find out where Leto is at; but this also alerts Leto to their presence. Like a human Thumper, Leto is almost uncontrollably brought to the whereabouts of the Planetary Team. As Leto emerges from the sand, it happens as it does in other previous stories, that Ambrose Chase dies first. Crushed to death by the massive body of The God Emperor. The other three converge on Leto but The Drummer is drilled by the tail of his opponent killing him while The Kwisatz Haderach goes full sand worm on the remaining two going mouth first into them both, spilling their water into the dunes…

Solaris the Tyrant Sun begins to make a play to heat up to such an extreme level to melt the space base of the Sleeping Pussies. He takes a couple of radioactive pot shots at the base, breaking through its shields in spots and taking out a very unlucky Nightshade who was in the wrong place at the wrong time; but The Starchild has little desire to see this play out. Although witnessing the birth of small suns, not the death of them is usually his thing; Dave Bowman flies over to the Tyrant Sun and in essence shows off the power of his team’s space worthy command center. Bowman actually helps accentuate the power level of Solaris to levels that the sun cannot control. The base handles the uptake in power with little ill effect; but Solaris has no choice but to watch himself burn under the heat of uncontrollable power levels.

Unicron is now fast approaching the TSPCB (Team Sleeping Pussy Cosmic Base), while Dr. Manhattan in essence decides that he is going to take an active roll, while simultaneously sitting back and letting his squad do as much of the grunt work as possible. He transports The WILDCATS (w/ honorary WILDCAT members Catman and Black Cat (they wanted Wildcat to be an honorary WILDCAT; but he thought that was kinda gay and turned them down)). He transports all members plus there Catmobile and AT-ST into Unicron as well as transporting Peacemaker, Johnny Blaze, and The Vanisher onto the Playoff Planet to finish the job that The Planetary Crew could not. Peacemaker lays down a suppressing fire whilst (shout out former Rose City campers) Johnny Blaze races through the sand towards Leto, once The God Emperor reveals himself. Whether it be from a large Holtzman shield or his rock hard natural exterior gifted from Shai-Halud himself, neither the Peacemaker’s conventional firearms nor Blaze’s hellfire shotgun seem to have any effect on the worm. Leto makes short work of the two while The Vanisher is teleporting around evading the sandworm and taking potshots with his gas gun which also seems to be doing very little damage (although I for one am not really sure what that thing was supposed to do anyhow). The Kwisatz Haderach uses his intense power of prescience to know where the Vanisher will teleport next before The Vanisher even knows himself. So when the next teleport takes place The Vanisher is met with a few hundred pounds of wormflesh cranked into his face to break his neck. Manhattan is slightly angered with himself for allowing so many of his resources to be depleted by the sole inhabitant of The Playoff Planet. Dr. Manhattan then focuses his attention on the planet and conjures enough energy to nuke the entire place into nothingness; getting the Imperial God out of his proverbial hair for good. The WILDCATS at first begin wreaking havoc throughout the enormous body of Unicron while Catman races around in his Catmobile and Lord Emp and Grifter begin blasting everything in sight from within their AT-ST. Despite the fun they are having, the team comes to the conclusion that they are making very little headway. Maul shrinks down to smaller than normal size and begins analyzing the situation instead of simply destroying stuff. He, Lord Emp, and the others detect what they are certain is the location of Unicron’s spark. The WILDCATS move through the twisting metal caverns that make up the innards of the massive Cybertronian. They work through the winding maze and all converge on the compartment that they know to be the housing of his spark. “So, what’s the plan Maul” ask Spartan. Maul replies: “Well, in essence he isn’t a whole lot different than any other Transformer we have come across over the last 8 years in this league, just much bigger. So, if we can figure out how to focus enough energy into the spark than we should be able to implode him, then hopefully Dr. Manhattan can transport us out of here before we go down with him”. At that moment, quadruple thick, impenetrable walls close around the area in which The WILDCATS are residing and a booming laughter is heard throughout. The WILDCATS know themselves to be trapped, although they begin firing their weapons in hopes to find a weakness. Unicron speaks to them in a sarcastic tone: “Do you think that you mere fleshbag mortals were going to come in here and outsmart one such as I?? Do you think that because I am immensely larger, more powerful, and more durable than you or anything ever birthed on your planet that this makes me less intelligent?? I assure you earthlings, that it is far from the truth. In fact it is the opposite of such truth. I set this in motion and devised this plan before you ever set foot within my bounds. Now please enjoy your stay and the death that you will receive herein”. With that the walls begin to transform in around them, rapidly closing in. The WILDCATS fight valiantly against their seemingly inanimate foe; but it is to no avail. Within a matter of minutes the barely dented walls move in around The WILDCATS and kills them all. Unicron then begins to break through the oxygen rich plane of the TSPCB which opens everything up for a full out battle royal between the two squads…

Miracle Dog and Comet the Super Horse break into a super-powered-flying-animal-space battle that is everything that one would expect from a super-powered-flying-animal-space battle. There is a ton of growling and naying and kicking and biting; but eventually Comet catches Miracle with a building shattering double hind leg kick to the chest while the dog simultaneously delivers a massive bite to the horse’s jugular vein so they can join each other in an animalistic death that would have Sarah Mclachlan and Beckerman in tears for weeks.

Dr. Manhattan enters the fray on a much more direct level after he sees Ultraman delightfully laughing after he uses the freshly murdered bodies of Capt. Boomerang and La Femme Nikita as makeshift bludgeoning tools and then chases down Darryl Revok’s X-Wing and rips it apart. The Ultron bot working as The Bad Scanner’s astro droid makes a play against Ultraman; but the Earth 3 Man of Steel easily heat visions the problem out of existence. But Dr. Manhattan and Ultraman make for a bit more of an even match-up. Ultraman moves so quickly towards Manhattan that he is actually able to football tackle him in a corporeal state. Manhattan is able to evade the beating that Ultraman is attempting to give him, as well as his freeze breath and heat vision attacks; but nothing that Manhattan is attempting is exactly putting Ultraman out of commission either. Ultraman makes one final rush at Manhattan; but passes right through the good Dr. An intense flash light overtakes the area which leaves Ultraman in sub-molecular atomic pieces; but strangely enough left a curious look on the face and body of Dr. Manhattan. It is unsure to me if this is even possible; but the blue superhuman appears as if he is….. Tired.

The Presence sits down to have a conversation with Brother Blood and decides that his soul is not worth saving. Which afterlife The Presence sent him to is beyond even my knowledge.

Savage Dragon is one hell of a fighter, but in the end his fighting prowess and strength were still no match for the might of Justice Legion Alpha Superman. But despite the immense power of the Superman of the 853rd Century, he still finds himself a bit mismatched when double-teamed by both Johnny Bates and Bizarro. Although his powers speaking from a technical perspective may be greater than either of the two, they are able to fight through his defensive posture and beat the Superman descendant to a bloody death.

The Great Leviathan, out of nowhere seems to simply appear out of the nothingness and bring the sea with it. The two brave enough, or perhaps unlucky enough to confront it on the onset are Gentleman Ghost and Devil Dinosaur. The non-corporeal form of Gentleman Ghost seems to make no difference to the mythical, biblical creature of epic proportions. Gentleman Ghost is ripped apart as if he were any other man. Devil Dinosaur puts up a significantly better fight; but after Leviathan manages to wrap its long serpent body around the intelligent T-Rex the serpent is able to choke the life right out of him.

Black Lantern Darth Vader and Duncan McLeod experiment for a while with hacking at each other, before BL Vader realizes that McLeod doesn’t die until his head is removed. McLeod obviously never does find out a way to take out Vader.

The two Silk Spectres run to help Korvac and Western Ghost Rider against Sif, Hogun, and Volstagg. “Stop following me”!! Yells the younger of the two. “But you’re my daughter. I don’t want you out of my sight. We can fight side by side and stick together”. “I am not your daughter. You are a version of my mother that exists from before I was born. You know nothing of our relationship as mother and daughter, because it hasn’t even happened for you yet. So go fight somewhere else”!! By the time the two get there though it is too late, as they realize that their talents were not needed. Although Sif managed to take out The horse-riding Western Ghost Rider. Korvac was able to take out Sif and both of her warriors in one enormous cosmic blast.

Korvac arrogantly yells to his teammates as he takes a break: “Well, I’ve taken care of the Avengers B-Team all by myself, do the six of you need a hand with the real thing”?? Korvac is speaking to D’ Spayre, Baron Mordo, Sunfire, Psycho Pirate, Victoria, and Ultron. Korvac hangs back for a minute to see what happens as TEAM seems to make their final attack. Led by Capt. America, The Avengers plus (Red Son) Superman and Supergirl rush forward off of the arm of Unicron onto the TSPCB. D’ Spayre and Baron Mordo hold nothing back as they let loose on their enemies killing Captain America, Thor, Iron Man, Superman, and Supergirl.

“The Avengers are dead!! The hard part is over”!! Screams Tunnel Rat. “Is there anything on this planet, stupider than a human”?? Asks Ultron. The robot continues: “Is anyone here truly dumb enough to think that The Avengers would go down that easily?? Nevermind, don’t answer that. Those weren’t The Avengers you fools. This must have been a…”…….. “TRAP” Rorshach finishes.

Glavatron fires several red lantern laced plasma blasts to clear the path for Supergirl and Ragnarok who come rushing out. They are joined by Black Lantern Vader from the rear, as Team Sleeping Pussy goes on the defensive. Whatever defense they mount though will have to be done without Dr. Manhattan, Dave Bowman, and Korvac, who have flown upwards to face off against Unicron.

Galvatron transforms into robot form and delivers an oversized kick/arm cannon blast combo to put an end to Psycho Pirate, while D’ Spayre uses his power of fear instilment to overload the power of Galvatron’s red lantern ring exploding it and Galvatron’s spark with it. Ragnarok fights back by conjuring enough Asgardian power, artificial as it may be to fry D’ Spayre in place. Even though she is not technically Kryptonian, Supergirl still shows quite a weakness to the power of Baron Mordo’s magical powers, as does Ragnarok. She and he both fall to his powers; but after this display of power, Mordo musters almost no defense to Black Lantern Vader’s black lantern lightsaber going through his chest. BL Vader then takes flight in an attempt to help out Unicron; but Unicron is not exactly known for requiring help…..

Korvac attempts to alter the space around Unicron and then project the energy back towards the massive Transformer; but Unicron simply laughs it off. Mad with power, Unicron seems to choose his form of attack carefully as if to embarrass his opponent by using his pinky finger to flick Korvac out of existence. BL Vader jumps into the mix; but his reformulated black lantern Sith essence is dissipated by the powers of Dr. Manhattan. Unicron, now sick of all the carnage brought forth to his team by Manhattan and Bowman decides to show these young additions to the universe of cosmological power. The billion year old Unicron unleashes his post-post-post humanistic essence from within his spark and demonstrates to the cosmically exhausted Dr. Manhattan what true omnipotence really is as he rips apart The Team Sleeping Pussy star into molecules that he didn’t even yet realize existed.

With the falling of Dr. Manhattan and Korvac, The Starchild realizes that it is he and he alone that can bring an end to the 8 year FFL power reign that has been Unicron. The man once known to earth as Dave Bowman flies in through the eye of Unicron and ushers in a singularity that would normally take trillions of years to undertake. Dave Bowman: The Starchild flies back out of the chest of Unicron and simply watches as the monstrous robot rusts away like an old chunk of steel and is forever drained of his lifeforce.

The Presence then out of nothingness flies in, riding on top of The Leviathan. The Starchild stands at the ready thinking that this must finally be the inevitable face off between science and spirituality. When the antiquated ways of old will be brought to light and ended in order to usher in the true science based singularity. Bowman floats ready, and in a defensive posture, when The Presence and Leviathan calmly fly to him. The Presence reaches out his hand, and as the two touch, all three are transported far away from this now meaningless battle and onto the next level of life… To begin anew…….

************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************
IN THE MILLENNIUM FALCON…….

Robin the Toy Wonder: The enhancements you have requested are set Mr. Stark, but this plan still does not compute. How is this possibly going to work??

Lando: I’m with the little robot Stark. I don’t know how we’re gonna get out of this one. I’m not even sure what the point of this little exercise was.

Stark: Trust me guys, this was the only way.

Lando: I’M SICK OF TRUSTING YOU STARK!! We abandoned our TEAM back there. They’re probably all or mostly dead, and we could have helped. Instead we’re hiding out in deep space. WE AREN’T EVEN SURE IF WE ARE IN THE SAME TIME WEAVE AS THEM!! And that’s according to you, whatever the hell that means.

Nien Numb: Ya ya ya ya (in agreement).

Cap: Tell them. And me Tony. We’ve trusted you. Level with us.

Stark: Okay. By our analysis. Manhattan was going to keep resetting the time stream. We screwed up at first. We tried to one up them and use the Delorean but we didn’t realize quite how well the time stream was being manipulated by him and Bowman as well. And….. Help me out Bruce.

Banner: We thought our only chance of victory was to come at him and The Sleeping Pussies with more surprise time leap. We just hope Unicron did his job and that there are some TEAMmembers left to lend us a hand if and when we get there.

Cap: If??????

Stark: No if, just when.

Seraph: What are our chances. And why was I selected for this mini-squad.

Stark: We can’t be sure if this whole thing isn’t just an intense simulation. If that is the case than we wanted somebody on the inside. We chose Cap because he can lead us out of anything. Myself and Banner because we are way smarter than all of you, plus if….. I mean when, I meant when, we get there he can go all not so smart green destruction machine. We needed to bring Lando and Nien Numb because they actually somehow seem very capable behind the controls of this piece of junk and we took Thor and Superman because, well they are Thor….. And Superman. Once we get there than the whole plan comes together, and it will be too late to be stopped by any cosmic silliness.

Seraph: Yes, but how will this destroy Team Sleeping Pussy??

Stark: Oh, it won’t. We still have to win the battle once we get there. This just kept Manhattan and Bowman from waving their little fingers and wiping us all from existence.

Cap: So we are still going to have quite a battle on our hands if this works??

Thor: Glorious.

Superman: Da

Banner: That is correct. And Stark, were you going to answer the question about probability of the time jump or should I??

Stark: No no no, I’ve got that one. According to my calculations, there is only a 57% chance that we will be incinerated at the speed of light once fish guy over there pulls the hyper space level. According to Robin’s playschool supercomputer brain there is a 68% chance that it results in all of our deaths and well, I think we are just not going to share what Dr. Banner’s results showed because they are a bit depressing.

Banner: I’ll second that.

Stark: But don’t forget, we have the element of surprise. And we do know for sure that we have been totally undetectable this entire time by Manhattan or Bowman.

Lando: But how can we all of the sudden control time from this ship??

Stark: The flux compasitor. The Delorean was just a decoy. The flux compasitor was taken out of the Delorean and installed in here. The coordinates are set. Once we hit lightspeed we should end up in the heat of the battle. Bruce, did they not know that?? I thought they knew about that.

Banner: No, we never told them that part.

Stark: So, everybody sit tight and wait for the arrival. Once we get there, it is going to be some real balls out fighting so get ready to jump out of the ship assemble like Avengers. Oh and Calrissean, one last thing. Because this ship is retro-fitted for time travel, the move through the stream won’t be automatic. Which means you and Baby-Fish-Mouth over there are going to need to navigate us right through the center of the wormhole. It’s going to be next to impossible. But I wish you both good luck, we’re all counting on you…..

Lando: This deal’s getting worse all the time….. Nien Numb….. PUNCH IT!!


THE MILLENNIUM FALCON DISSAPEARS…..


BACK ON THE TSPCB.

Ultron: Bullseye, take point. Get these men formed up. I don’t see a single TEAMmember in sight, but the Watchers aren’t ending the match so there may still be something out there. Or at least they think there might be.

Bullseye: Stand at the ready. They may have one final push; but we have this.

Rorschach: We’ve got this. Let’s end this match, it’s a last ditch effort by a bunch of cowards.


(A flash of light in the distance reveals itself to be The Millennium Falcon approaching).

Lando: What in the hell?!!? It worked, but we’re heading right for that space station. ROBIN, OPEN THE HATCH AND GET THESE PEOPLE OUT OF HERE.

Robin: You should evacuate as well.

Lando: THERE’S NO TIME. SOMEBODY’S GOT TO STEADY THIS THING. WE’RE GOIN DOWN LET’S SEE IF WE CAN’T TAKE SOME OF THEM WITH US!!


The Millenium Falcon crashes into the TSPCB while The Avengers leap out onto the entry platform. The Falcon is destroyed and Hamato Yoshi and Tunnel Rat were killed in the attack along with Lando, Nien Numb, and Robin the Toy Wonder. The Hulk leaps from the wreckage of the ship in his green behemoth form; but The TEAMmembers soon realize that they truly are all that is left of TEAM and that The Sleeping Pussies are more than ready for them.

Iron Man and Ultron take flight and engage each other immediately, while Captain America one by one knocks down both Silk Spectres on his way to the bigger battle. Sunfire engages, while avoiding the Hulk in an attempt to take him out with ranged attacks, while Seraph enters a pitched battle with Victoria (phew, a little late for a Becks shout out). Red Son Supes takes to the air as well only to be double-teamed by both Bizarro and Johnny Bates. Thor on the other hand is busy being attacked from all sides while battling with Bullseye, green lantern Rorschach, Wildcat, and a myriad of Ultron inspired defenses put in place by TSPCB.

This battle would have been long over for TEAM if it weren’t for Tony Stark’s plan; but Iron Man ends up not being as integral a part in the battle as The TEAMsters had hoped. The enraged Ultron rips into Iron Man with everything he has got and then forcibly turns the match into a melee one as his vibranium body pounds on the suit of Iron Man. Iron Man uses the last of his power reserves to blow Ultron back several dozen feet in the air; but Ultron regroups and flies in fast towards Stark’s position in attack mode and blasts through both his metal suit and human body.

The Russian Superman is handling his two attackers okay, despite not being able to completely focus on either one. Supes realizes he needs to make a play in a hurry (ya know cause he’s Rushin (Russian (come on… anybody, anybody))). Superman shows the former Kid Miracleman what a true superpowered being is all about as he deflects the heat vision he is attacked with and then lets loose a blast of heat vision of his own that not only turns Bates into dust but begins to melt the futuristically cosmically durable space station around him. Red Son Superman then takes off to attack Bizarro one on one; but still does not get the luxury of fighting one guy at a time, as Ultron fresh off of his Iron man kill joins the fray on the side of Bizarro.

Silk Spetre II was knocked unconscious for a few seconds by Cap; but has come to to see Silk Spectre I standing over her. “Need a hand”?? She asks as she extends her hand. “That guy with the shield is just too fast, I’m not sure how we are supposed to take him”. Sally Jupiter pulls up the woman her same age who is actually her daughter and says: “we take him together”. With that last word hanging in the background, the two Silk Spectres leap into action and catch Cap off guard. They both simultaneously spin jump on to his sides and ignite their blue lightsabers. Cap is still a match for both of them but is kept plenty busy by their attacks. Cap kicks SS 2 to the ground and then launches his shield at Sally Jupiter. She ducks but doesn’t realize that this is Cap’s patented “get em on the way back move”. As the shield is flying towards the back of SS 1’s head, SS 2 leaps back into action. “MOM NOOOO” She yells as she knocks her mother out of the way and takes the neck breaking shield blow instead. Sally Jupiter now in a maternal rage takes up both of the lightsabers and goes all Skywalker on Cap. The intense melee competition continues for quite some time; but Captain America is still able to dodge or block every lightsaber thrust and deliver a wicked shield blast to the pretty face of the original Silk Spectre. She falls to the ground as Cap turns to deliver the killing blow; but realizes that it is not necessary. The World War II hero looks at his contemporary and worthy opponent and simply says: “I’m truly sorry ma’am; but this IS war”.

Thor is taking out Ultron bots like they are going out of style, when Wildcat gets a little too close for comfort. He tries to stand toe to toe with The Asgardian and catches Thor’s hammer right under the chin taking him out of the match but still keeping Thor outnumbered from both Bullseye and Rorschach. Although, Cap is running in to lend a hand.

Sunfire manages to keep The Hulk at bay for longer than may have been expected but once The Hulk gets a hold of him after grabbing him in mid air. It doesn’t take long for Hulk to rip the mutant to shreds.

Victoria and Seraph seem amazingly evenly matched in terms of speed with a slight edge to Victoria in strength; but it is Seraph’s nearly perfect fighting style that gives him the slight edge. Seraph manages to kick out Victoria’s red lightsaber as she moves in for an overzealous attack. He catches the lightsaber and in one swift motion uses it to remove the vampire’s head.

Hulk teams up with Superman while Ultron teams up with Bizarro for a battle royal that is tearing apart what is left of The TSPCB. While Captain America finds himself face to face with Rorschach. Seraph shows up to lend a hand to Thor; but the Ultron bots numbers are finally dwindling. Seraph moves to help out Thor against Bullseye who uses an attack that if successful would have been fatal for both TEAMmembers. Bullseye attempts to redirect Thor’s hammer back at the platform in which Thor and Seraph are standing; but when he attempts to put a hand on it even his ability to turn anything into a weapon fails him when he attempts to grasp the hammer of Thor. The Asgardian weapon sends Bullseye sailing off into space and to his demise.

Rorschach may not have quite as perfect of a fighting style as Cap; but what he loses in finesse he makes up for in sheer ferocity. Cap delivers several blows to Rorschach that could very well of ended him; but lucky for Rorschach his green lantern ring aura is working hard to defend him (despite Rorschach’s insistence that he does not need “the damn ring that he can’t get off his finger). Rorschach is able to kick loose the Captain’s shield and then deliver a neck breaking blow with his grappling hook to take TEAM’s leader out of the match.

Thor meets up with Seraph and sees their friends in trouble on the far side of The TSPCB. “Seraph, I must help in this battle against Ultron. Can you handle the masked one with the ring”?!!? Asks Thor. “I believe that I can”. States Seraph plainly.

Bizarro gets separated from his battle with Red Son Supes when Hulk bursts on to the scene. Hulk delivers a flying punch to Bizarro driving him into the metal ground. Hulk then leaps into the air and does a similar move to Ultron which brings about a scenario where Hulk is for once on the other end of somebody else’s anger. Bizarro flings himself up out of his hole in defense of Ultron and begins a furious barrage of earth leveling punches, freeze vision, and heat breath, while screaming: “NO TOUCH ULTRON HE MY WORST ENEMY”. Ultron helps out Bizarro with some intense laser blasts, while Red Son flies in to join the skirmish. Ultron keeps Superman at bay for a few seconds which is enough for Bizarro to finish off the Hulk. Red Son then attacks Bizarro with a furious punch to the face that sends him reeling. Bizarro comes back for some more; but he finds out that he is quite mismatched against Red Son. Whether it be because of Bizarro’s exhaustion after his killing of Hulk, or just the superior intelligence and fighting prowess of Red Son; the battle is not nearly as evenly matched as one might think. Red Son conquers Bizarro with a double kick delivered straight down onto his head from above.

Red Son lands after finishing off Bizarro and then becomes overcome with fatigue. Fatigue turns to exhaustion. The exhaustion turns to pain; and before long Superman does not even realize that he is laying on the ground. Ultron strolls up to him and simply drops a gem on his chest.

Ultron speaks: “It’s only artificial Kryptonite. Chemically created by me right here at this space station. But as you can see, it does the job just fine. I was hoping that I would have this opportunity to talk to you. You see, I realize that it wasn’t “the same you”; but myself and this team got a lot of grief over the years for selecting me in the very first draft of year 1, when THE ALMIGHTY SUPERMAN was still available. And well you see, I always hated you and your team for that slight. And as I stand over your helpless body, I want to make it clear that no mistake was made”.

Superman hears every word, even over his own gasps for breath and then can do nothing more than watch as Ultron opens up his laser arm and finishes him off.

Seraph duels with Rorschach for quite some time before he is able to lure him in extra close. Seraph manages to grab a hold of Rorschach’s grappling hook and pull him even closer. Seraph then puts his pistol directly over the right middle finger of Rorschach to bypass the green lantern aura and shoot his ring and finger right off. Rorschach screams but continues to fight on; but is eventually defeated when Seraph is able to spin kick him down on to the ground and unload his full magazine into Rorschach’s chest. Seraph then quickly loads his last clip and begins running as fast as he can to what he knows will be the culmination of this battle one way or another.

Thor arrives just after Ultron’s final destruction of Red Son Superman and the two old enemies begin fiercely battling. Ultron flies in fast and begins pounding on the god of thunder, drawing blood in several places. Thor is just barely able to kick Ultron off of him and then throw his hammer (with him attached) in the opposite direction to regroup. Ultron shows several signs of wear but rights himself and begins walking back towards Thor, when Seraph spin flips in out of nowhere and hits Ultron with 4 perfectly aimed bullets in the head from mid air that promptly bounce off of Ultron’s head. Ultron chuckles for a second before he looks over at Seraph and says: “Do you really think that after everything I have gone through in this battle that 4 bullets were going to even scratch me”?? “NAY, HE THOUGHT THEY WOULD DISTRACT YOU” Screams Thor as he finishes conjuring every bit of lightning he can muster and sends it directly down from the first and second heavens into the metal robotic body of Ultron causing him to burst into dozens of pieces.

Thor passes out briefly and comes to, to see Seraph standing over him. Thor says: “Aye, when this day began, I did not expect either of us to be alive ever again after the end of it. The gods of old have truly shined upon us this day my friend”. Seraph retorts: “I believe your people use the word destiny. It was destiny that we battle The Horsemen one last time. We can have our glorious deaths there”.

Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. TEAM: Part 3: The Battle

ON THE DESERT WASTELAND THAT WAS ONCE THE PLAYOFF PLANET…

The Drummer uses his ability to detect and manipulate streams of information to find out where Leto is at; but this also alerts Leto to their presence. Like a human Thumper, Leto is almost uncontrollably brought to the whereabouts of the Planetary Team. As Leto emerges from the sand, it happens as it does in other previous stories, that Ambrose Chase dies first. Crushed to death by the massive body of The God Emperor. The other three converge on Leto but The Drummer is drilled by the tail of his opponent killing him while The Kwisatz Haderach goes full sand worm on the remaining two going mouth first into them both, spilling their water into the dunes…

Solaris the Tyrant Sun begins to make a play to heat up to such an extreme level to melt the space base of the Sleeping Pussies. He takes a couple of radioactive pot shots at the base, breaking through its shields in spots and taking out a very unlucky Nightshade who was in the wrong place at the wrong time; but The Starchild has little desire to see this play out. Although witnessing the birth of small suns, not the death of them is usually his thing; Dave Bowman flies over to the Tyrant Sun and in essence shows off the power of his team’s space worthy command center. Bowman actually helps accentuate the power level of Solaris to levels that the sun cannot control. The base handles the uptake in power with little ill effect; but Solaris has no choice but to watch himself burn under the heat of uncontrollable power levels.

Unicron is now fast approaching the TSPCB (Team Sleeping Pussy Cosmic Base), while Dr. Manhattan in essence decides that he is going to take an active roll, while simultaneously sitting back and letting his squad do as much of the grunt work as possible. He transports The WILDCATS (w/ honorary WILDCAT members Catman and Black Cat (they wanted Wildcat to be an honorary WILDCAT; but he thought that was kinda gay and turned them down)). He transports all members plus there Catmobile and AT-ST into Unicron as well as transporting Peacemaker, Johnny Blaze, and The Vanisher onto the Playoff Planet to finish the job that The Planetary Crew could not. Peacemaker lays down a suppressing fire whilst (shout out former Rose City campers) Johnny Blaze races through the sand towards Leto, once The God Emperor reveals himself. Whether it be from a large Holtzman shield or his rock hard natural exterior gifted from Shai-Halud himself, neither the Peacemaker’s conventional firearms nor Blaze’s hellfire shotgun seem to have any effect on the worm. Leto makes short work of the two while The Vanisher is teleporting around evading the sandworm and taking potshots with his gas gun which also seems to be doing very little damage (although I for one am not really sure what that thing was supposed to do anyhow). The Kwisatz Haderach uses his intense power of prescience to know where the Vanisher will teleport next before The Vanisher even knows himself. So when the next teleport takes place The Vanisher is met with a few hundred pounds of wormflesh cranked into his face to break his neck. Manhattan is slightly angered with himself for allowing so many of his resources to be depleted by the sole inhabitant of The Playoff Planet. Dr. Manhattan then focuses his attention on the planet and conjures enough energy to nuke the entire place into nothingness; getting the Imperial God out of his proverbial hair for good. The WILDCATS at first begin wreaking havoc throughout the enormous body of Unicron while Catman races around in his Catmobile and Lord Emp and Grifter begin blasting everything in sight from within their AT-ST. Despite the fun they are having, the team comes to the conclusion that they are making very little headway. Maul shrinks down to smaller than normal size and begins analyzing the situation instead of simply destroying stuff. He, Lord Emp, and the others detect what they are certain is the location of Unicron’s spark. The WILDCATS move through the twisting metal caverns that make up the innards of the massive Cybertronian. They work through the winding maze and all converge on the compartment that they know to be the housing of his spark. “So, what’s the plan Maul” ask Spartan. Maul replies: “Well, in essence he isn’t a whole lot different than any other Transformer we have come across over the last 8 years in this league, just much bigger. So, if we can figure out how to focus enough energy into the spark than we should be able to implode him, then hopefully Dr. Manhattan can transport us out of here before we go down with him”. At that moment, quadruple thick, impenetrable walls close around the area in which The WILDCATS are residing and a booming laughter is heard throughout. The WILDCATS know themselves to be trapped, although they begin firing their weapons in hopes to find a weakness. Unicron speaks to them in a sarcastic tone: “Do you think that you mere fleshbag mortals were going to come in here and outsmart one such as I?? Do you think that because I am immensely larger, more powerful, and more durable than you or anything ever birthed on your planet that this makes me less intelligent?? I assure you earthlings, that it is far from the truth. In fact it is the opposite of such truth. I set this in motion and devised this plan before you ever set foot within my bounds. Now please enjoy your stay and the death that you will receive herein”. With that the walls begin to transform in around them, rapidly closing in. The WILDCATS fight valiantly against their seemingly inanimate foe; but it is to no avail. Within a matter of minutes the barely dented walls move in around The WILDCATS and kills them all. Unicron then begins to break through the oxygen rich plane of the TSPCB which opens everything up for a full out battle royal between the two squads…

Miracle Dog and Comet the Super Horse break into a super-powered-flying-animal-space battle that is everything that one would expect from a super-powered-flying-animal-space battle. There is a ton of growling and naying and kicking and biting; but eventually Comet catches Miracle with a building shattering double hind leg kick to the chest while the dog simultaneously delivers a massive bite to the horse’s jugular vein so they can join each other in an animalistic death that would have Sarah Mclachlan and Beckerman in tears for weeks.

Dr. Manhattan enters the fray on a much more direct level after he sees Ultraman delightfully laughing after he uses the freshly murdered bodies of Capt. Boomerang and La Femme Nikita as makeshift bludgeoning tools and then chases down Darryl Revok’s X-Wing and rips it apart. The Ultron bot working as The Bad Scanner’s astro droid makes a play against Ultraman; but the Earth 3 Man of Steel easily heat visions the problem out of existence. But Dr. Manhattan and Ultraman make for a bit more of an even match-up. Ultraman moves so quickly towards Manhattan that he is actually able to football tackle him in a corporeal state. Manhattan is able to evade the beating that Ultraman is attempting to give him, as well as his freeze breath and heat vision attacks; but nothing that Manhattan is attempting is exactly putting Ultraman out of commission either. Ultraman makes one final rush at Manhattan; but passes right through the good Dr. An intense flash light overtakes the area which leaves Ultraman in sub-molecular atomic pieces; but strangely enough left a curious look on the face and body of Dr. Manhattan. It is unsure to me if this is even possible; but the blue superhuman appears as if he is….. Tired.

The Presence sits down to have a conversation with Brother Blood and decides that his soul is not worth saving. Which afterlife The Presence sent him to is beyond even my knowledge.

Savage Dragon is one hell of a fighter, but in the end his fighting prowess and strength were still no match for the might of Justice Legion Alpha Superman. But despite the immense power of the Superman of the 853rd Century, he still finds himself a bit mismatched when double-teamed by both Johnny Bates and Bizarro. Although his powers speaking from a technical perspective may be greater than either of the two, they are able to fight through his defensive posture and beat the Superman descendant to a bloody death.

The Great Leviathan, out of nowhere seems to simply appear out of the nothingness and bring the sea with it. The two brave enough, or perhaps unlucky enough to confront it on the onset are Gentleman Ghost and Devil Dinosaur. The non-corporeal form of Gentleman Ghost seems to make no difference to the mythical, biblical creature of epic proportions. Gentleman Ghost is ripped apart as if he were any other man. Devil Dinosaur puts up a significantly better fight; but after Leviathan manages to wrap its long serpent body around the intelligent T-Rex the serpent is able to choke the life right out of him.

Black Lantern Darth Vader and Duncan McLeod experiment for a while with hacking at each other, before BL Vader realizes that McLeod doesn’t die until his head is removed. McLeod obviously never does find out a way to take out Vader.

The two Silk Spectres run to help Korvac and Western Ghost Rider against Sif, Hogun, and Volstagg. “Stop following me”!! Yells the younger of the two. “But you’re my daughter. I don’t want you out of my sight. We can fight side by side and stick together”. “I am not your daughter. You are a version of my mother that exists from before I was born. You know nothing of our relationship as mother and daughter, because it hasn’t even happened for you yet. So go fight somewhere else”!! By the time the two get there though it is too late, as they realize that their talents were not needed. Although Sif managed to take out The horse-riding Western Ghost Rider. Korvac was able to take out Sif and both of her warriors in one enormous cosmic blast.

Korvac arrogantly yells to his teammates as he takes a break: “Well, I’ve taken care of the Avengers B-Team all by myself, do the six of you need a hand with the real thing”?? Korvac is speaking to D’ Spayre, Baron Mordo, Sunfire, Psycho Pirate, Victoria, and Ultron. Korvac hangs back for a minute to see what happens as TEAM seems to make their final attack. Led by Capt. America, The Avengers plus (Red Son) Superman and Supergirl rush forward off of the arm of Unicron onto the TSPCB. D’ Spayre and Baron Mordo hold nothing back as they let loose on their enemies killing Captain America, Thor, Iron Man, Superman, and Supergirl.

“The Avengers are dead!! The hard part is over”!! Screams Tunnel Rat. “Is there anything on this planet, stupider than a human”?? Asks Ultron. The robot continues: “Is anyone here truly dumb enough to think that The Avengers would go down that easily?? Nevermind, don’t answer that. Those weren’t The Avengers you fools. This must have been a…”…….. “TRAP” Rorshach finishes.

Glavatron fires several red lantern laced plasma blasts to clear the path for Supergirl and Ragnarok who come rushing out. They are joined by Black Lantern Vader from the rear, as Team Sleeping Pussy goes on the defensive. Whatever defense they mount though will have to be done without Dr. Manhattan, Dave Bowman, and Korvac, who have flown upwards to face off against Unicron.

Galvatron transforms into robot form and delivers an oversized kick/arm cannon blast combo to put an end to Psycho Pirate, while D’ Spayre uses his power of fear instilment to overload the power of Galvatron’s red lantern ring exploding it and Galvatron’s spark with it. Ragnarok fights back by conjuring enough Asgardian power, artificial as it may be to fry D’ Spayre in place. Even though she is not technically Kryptonian, Supergirl still shows quite a weakness to the power of Baron Mordo’s magical powers, as does Ragnarok. She and he both fall to his powers; but after this display of power, Mordo musters almost no defense to Black Lantern Vader’s black lantern lightsaber going through his chest. BL Vader then takes flight in an attempt to help out Unicron; but Unicron is not exactly known for requiring help…..

Korvac attempts to alter the space around Unicron and then project the energy back towards the massive Transformer; but Unicron simply laughs it off. Mad with power, Unicron seems to choose his form of attack carefully as if to embarrass his opponent by using his pinky finger to flick Korvac out of existence. BL Vader jumps into the mix; but his reformulated black lantern Sith essence is dissipated by the powers of Dr. Manhattan. Unicron, now sick of all the carnage brought forth to his team by Manhattan and Bowman decides to show these young additions to the universe of cosmological power. The billion year old Unicron unleashes his post-post-post humanistic essence from within his spark and demonstrates to the cosmically exhausted Dr. Manhattan what true omnipotence really is as he rips apart The Team Sleeping Pussy star into molecules that he didn’t even yet realize existed.

With the falling of Dr. Manhattan and Korvac, The Starchild realizes that it is he and he alone that can bring an end to the 8 year FFL power reign that has been Unicron. The man once known to earth as Dave Bowman flies in through the eye of Unicron and ushers in a singularity that would normally take trillions of years to undertake. Dave Bowman: The Starchild flies back out of the chest of Unicron and simply watches as the monstrous robot rusts away like an old chunk of steel and is forever drained of his lifeforce.

The Presence then out of nothingness flies in, riding on top of The Leviathan. The Starchild stands at the ready thinking that this must finally be the inevitable face off between science and spirituality. When the antiquated ways of old will be brought to light and ended in order to usher in the true science based singularity. Bowman floats ready, and in a defensive posture, when The Presence and Leviathan calmly fly to him. The Presence reaches out his hand, and as the two touch, all three are transported far away from this now meaningless battle and onto the next level of life… To begin anew…….