Consolation Match-Round 2: Built Ford Tough Vs. The Right Wing

Built Ford Tough is Harrison Ford & Barry Sanders

The Right Wing is Nick Houslander, Bear, Scrappy-Doo, & Smurf #3.

“Oh my god, it’s Harrison Ford. Bear check it out, we are in the same bus as Indiana Jones, Jack Ryan, I mean it’s Han Solo for god’s sake”.
“Wa Wa, I can’t believe that we are in the presence of such greatness.”
“I’ll tell you what Bear, I can now die a happy man.” Just as Nick says this, Harrison Ford ask’s Nick if he can check out his double barrel shotgun that he has with him.
“Of course you can Mr. Ford, you can do whatever you want with it.”
“Is that right kid, anything I want with it huh. Well, I’m glad you just said that, because now I won’t feel bad about this.” Mr. Ford, who was only abiding by Nick’s wishes, shoots Nick right in between the eyes.
This naturally anger’s the remainder of The Right Wing’s team, who is now charging the loaded gun of Mr. Ford and the retired Detroit Lion. Barry Sanders who is driving the car has naturally not said a word during this entire ordeal; in fact he actually has his father on a two way Nextel phone, just in case Barry needs to say something.
Scrappy-Doo runs up to Harrison and kicks him right in the shin. This really pisses of Mr. Ford, who then quickly kicks the annoying dog right in the head, breaking his neck. Smurf #3, now fearing for his life hides himself in the very back of the bus away from everyone else.
Bear is now furious and goes into a rage. “How dare you kill by best friend. It is time for you to pay the price Mr. Ford. Oh and by the way, your new Indy movie sucked balls”. (Side note: I actually thought the new Indy movie was sweet, but I figured in a moment of rage, stuffed animals, just like people say things they don’t mean.) As Bear finishes off his ill, he goes into a super Bircle run and hits the aging movie star through the front window of the bus. Harrison is now lying on the hood of the mini-bus, which is of course not very big.
“Hey dad, Harrison is in big trouble, what should I do?” Barry says into the cellular phone. “Barry are you an idiot, just slow the van down and help him get back in.”
Barry begins to listen to his father, but before he is able to slow the bus down he sees Bear climbing outside onto the hood, trying to help Mr. Ford get back into the bus. You see, when Bear gives someone a super Bircle, he instantly has the utmost respect for that person. This unfortunately even goes for people who have just killed his best friend. Now that Bear is on the hood of the car, Barry is again confused on what to do.
“Dad, now Bear is on the hood. I don’t want Harrison to die but I also don’t want to save Bear’s life. I don’t know what to do”.
“Damn son, you might have been the second best running back of all time, but you are the dumbest son of a gun that I have ever met. Regardless though, just start driving crazy and knock both of them off of the bus. All that matters is that you win.” Barry listens to his father and begins to drive erratically down the road, which sends Bear tumbling off of the hood of the mini-bus. Harrison then slides down the front of the bus in an attempt to save the poor stuffed Bear. He is too late as Bear touches the ground and instantly dies.
It had always been rumored that the only thing that could kill a Bear of his species was a fall from a moving vehicle. It looks like this rumor was true, because now the only member of The Right Wing’s team that was still alive was Smurf #3. Barry Sanders was thrilled that his crazy maneuvers behind the wheel had worked. He was telling his father all about it, bragging to him about how he is the best driver in the world. “Second best maybe Barry”, Harrison Ford says as he kicks in the driver’s side window of the bus, knocking Barry Sanders out of his seat and onto the ground.
“What the hell was that for Harrison. All we have to do now is kill that stupid little Smurf and we got this thing.”
“That was a bad thing you did back there by killing that Bear. He was trying to save my life and you made him pay for it with his own.”
“So what you washed up has-been, as long as you win who cares what happens.” Says Mr. Sanders from the Nextel on the dashboard.
“Well, as a matter of fact Mr. Sanders, I care.” Harrison then picked up the phone and threw it out of the window. Barry in horror quickly followed the phone out of the back door of the bus. He took a pretty hard hit as he hit the ground but instantly got back up and retrieved the phone from the ground. “Dad, Dad, are you still there. Don’t worry, I got out of the bus to find you.”
“You got out of the bus to find me, this is a @#%#ing cell phone Barry. It’s not like he threw me out of the bus.”
“Well anyways, what should I do now?"
“How about you turn the phone off.”
“But then I won’t be able to talk to you anymore”.
“Exactly”. Barry’s dad then hung up the phone while Barry stood there in confusion over what he should do next.
Harrison looked back and thought about picking up the former #20, but decided against it. It was right then that the bus started to slow down. This as he knew was the signal that the match had ended, but as Mr. Ford knew, there was still one member of The Right Wing alive somewhere. He looked around the bus and searched it inside and out. Then out of the corner of his eye he saw something blue lying on the ground behind him. He walked the several hundred feet that it took him to get to the blue object and when he finally reached it he realized that it was Smurf #3, lying down on the ground and very hurt.
Harrison knelt down and asked the little guy if he was all right. He replied with a very faint “No” and explained that when Barry Sanders had opened the back door of the bus, he had been leaning on it, which made him fall out of the back. The Smurf was very injured and was not going to make it much past the next hour.
“Would you please just kill me Mr. Ford. It truly would be an honor to die by a man of your stature.”
Harrison obliged the poor smurf but also found it quite disturbing that so many people not only did not mind dying by his hand, but actually looked forward to it. He thought long and hard about this as he made the long walk back to Barry Sanders, who was just sitting in the middle of road waiting for someone to tell him what to do.

Built Ford Tough is Victorious!