Part 5: Week 2 Consolation Matches: Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets

Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is Justin “The Golden Boy” Oblak and Brandon Inge.

The Brotherhood of Evil Midget’s is Alexander the Great and Paploo.

Tim Cheveldae had been in a funk of late. It started far before he offered up his house as a battleground. He thought that maybe giving himself up to the Fantasy Fantasy league would help him get out of the funk. He thought that by letting more people in, that he would feel less like he was in prison. Ever since the Ric Flair encounter though, he has realized that he is now trapped in a prison of his own making.

Tim just sat on the couch in silence, all by himself, just waiting for the combatants to arrive. He dreaded the thought of more people being killed his home. He sat there for some time before Alexander the Great came marching through the door. He remembered the race of creatures that followed behind him as the same as in the last match. He thought to himself that he remembered hearing someone call them an Ewok, though he noticed that this one had a name. Paploo is what Alexander called it. He thought it was a strange name, but at this point he didn’t really even know what normal was anymore.

About ten minutes later after offering his guest’s drinks, he heard the other side coming up the walkway. They entered the house with not even the slightest regard for courtesy. Justin and Brandon instantly looked at Alexander and the Ewok and cracked a couple of jokes about this match being even easier then last weeks. The two opponent’s verbally spared for a while and then right before the battle began, the strangest thing happened. Mr. Cheveldae begged both teams to please not fight. He pleaded with them for several minutes before both teams grew tired of his anti-war redierct. Eventually Alexander pushed the Canadian aside and offered his hand out to his foes, to which they did not except.

The match was a bloody one. Brandon took the first swing at Alexander, but it was easily ducked and was met by a forearm to the throat. Inge fell to the ground grasping at his throat while Alexander turned his attention to Justin. Justin had noticed the small Ewok holding several stones in his hands before the fighting had begun so he grabbed a glass picture frame from one of tables and had placed it behind his back. When Alexander had hit Brandon, Justin jumped towards the Ewok who had begun to throw the stones at the golden boy. The first stone hit Justin but not hard enough to stop him. He purposely smashed the glass frame on the ground so it would break into many pieces. From this pile of broken glass Justin managed to pick up a several inches long piece of glass, rolled over on the floor and jammed in into the savior of the republics stomach.

Tim screamed in horror as he saw this happen once again to one of these creatures. Tim than ran over to Justin and kicked him upside the head. Alexander saw this and once again knocked Tim out of the way and went for Justin. Alexander kicked Justin in the side repeatedly; he did it long enough for Justin to start spitting blood. Alexander stood their proudly but before he knew it, he himself was lying on the floor spitting blood from the smash on the back that came from the Tigers third baseman. Brandon had stood up and taken a chair from the living room and broken it on Alexander’s back. With Justin and Alexander both on the ground, the advantage was to the Newz. Brandon walked over to Alexander once more but not before Tim pleaded once more for them to stop. Brandon turned his head towards Tim to yell at him again, but in doing this he left his guard down and was swept off of his feet by the Macedonian king. Brandon now lying on the ground was met by several brutal punches to the face.

Tim now realizing that his interference is the reason for Brandon’s current state, crawled to the corner of the room and basically sat there in a catatonic state for the remainder of the match. Justin now partially recovered from Alexander’s kicks, moves over to where Alexander is punishing his teammate and jam’s a piece of the glass from the ground into the back of his calf. Alexander let’s out a huge scream and places a massive backhand across the face of the golden boy. Justin falls down to the ground once more but is only momentarily silenced. Alexander, who is now in great pain, does not have the speed that Justin has. As Alexander pulls the glass out of his calf, Justin is able to run into the kitchen to look for another item to use. He now realizes that Brandon is probably done for so he looks for the biggest knife and pan he can find.

Alexander tries to get up on one leg. He manages to do so but I’m not really sure it offered him any better leverage than lying on the ground did. Justin then walked back into the living room holding a stick free pan and a nine inch serrated knife. Now normally even a hurt Alexander versus a normal person such as Justin would only be mildly challenging, but this match was a little different. You see, right as Justin turned the corner back into the living room, he noticed that Brandon was in better shape than he thought he would be. Brandon in fact was holding the piece of glass that Alexander had pulled out of his calf and right before he put it back into his leg, he winked at Justin to let him know that he was going to do so. After Brandon had re-engaged Alexander’s calf wound, it was only a matter of moments better Justin hit Alexander over the head with the pan and then repeatedly stabbed Alexander directly in the chest.

Tim’s entire living room was filled with blood as Justin helped Brandon out of the house. Tim just sat there in the corner looking at the blood soaked room, staring blankly at the mess that had been left for him. He hoped that this was the end of the brutality, but knew that his nightmare was not over yet.

Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is Victorious!