Sunday, March 14, 2010

Hayley's Comets vs. Logical Genocide

“Probably one of the weirdest sounds is from these bearded seals who live in the Arctic waters and they make these sounds. . . like they're from the 'X-Files' or something."
―Billy Spitzer

I look at the teams to do battle in the Arctic Ocean during this Week 2 Match. They are as follows:

Hayley’s Comets: Ash, Blastois, Grotle, Wartortle, Empoleon, Prinplup, Piplup, Hordak (w/ a yellow power ring), Xenomorph #54, Doozer #3, Watchdogs #1-3 and The Justice Force: Silver Sentry, Ananda, Metal Head, Chrysalis, Tsunami, Nobody, Raptarr, Nano and Green Mantle.

Logical Genocide: Mera, Gremlin #5, The Ray, Warwolves #2 and 7, Black Dragon #11, Neo-Cymek #8, Serling and Smurf #10.

Smurf #10 blends into the icy blue waters of the Arctic Ocean. He sees Piplup and figures that the small penguin chick will be easy prey. Smurf #10 is wrong. As the blue demon swims toward Piplup, the Pokemon uses its bubble breath to hide itself from Smurf #10 and escapes. Smurf #10 rises to the surface. Wartortle swims at Smurf #10 and spits water in the Smurf’s face, temporarily blinding him. While Smurf #10 shakes off the spray, Empoleon rises from below. As Empoleon crashes to the surface next to Smurf #10, the Pokemon penguin slices Smurf #10’s head off with its wings.

Across the waters, Gremlin #5 is tearing apart Doozer #3. The tiny, green muppet did not stand a chance against the evil creature. After the death of Doozer #3, Gremlin #5 meets Grotle. Gremlin #5 gets the upper hand over the serene Pokemon and rips Grotle’s eyes out; Grotle dies. The turtle-like Blastois sees the Gremlin and shoots water from its cannons at the diminutive monster. Gremlin #5 tries to push on toward Blastois when Prinplup comes from behind. Prinplup positions itself so its wings are on either side of Gremlin #5. Prinplup’s wings come together and smash Gremlin #5’s skull in. A sickening squish is heard as Gremlin #5 sinks to its watery grave.

Black Dragon #11 spots the Pokemon characters and flies down in an attempt to destroy them in one, fell swoop. The mythical beast opens its maw and scoops Piplup up. The acid sitting in the Dragon’s mouth eats away at Piplup. The Pokemon chick sizzles in acid, to its death. Blastois and Wartortle shoot and spit water at the Dragon to no avail. Black Dragon #11 is temporarily stunned by the sheer force of the water blasts. Nonetheless, it is not enough to hinder the Dragon from dispelling its acid at the two, leaving only scarred shells where their bodies had once been. Hordak sees his teammates being decimated and reacts. While his yellow power ring allows him to fly alongside the Dragon, Hordak’s chest releases a buzz-saw like projectile that slices through the dragon’s belly. As Black Dragon #11 screeches, Hordak’s right arm becomes an energy cannon that blasts the flying beast. Black Dragon #11 is killed.

Warwolves #2 and 7 enter the fight and focus on Empoleon and Prinplup. The metallic wolves use their claws to tear and slash apart Prinplup. Empoleon fights both Warwolves and manages to slice through and kill the slick-skinned Warwolf #7 with its wings. Yet, while it does, Warwolf #2 comes around and latches onto Empoleon, draining the life-force from the large penguin Pokemon. With both Empoleon and Prinplup destroyed, Warwolf #2 swims to the next skirmish.

With the entire Pokemon crew killed, Ash swims away from the fighting, sulking at the loss of his friends. His pity-party is short lived as Warwolf #2 comes upon the human and rips him apart. After the easy killing of Ash, Warwolf #2 locates Serling. The two focus on Watchdogs #1-3, who are currently treading water. The Captain America fighting squad is ripped apart by the sheer force of Warwolf #2 and Serling. The two swim on, but eventually split up.

Xenomorph #54 meets Warwolf #2. The vicious battle of beasts is heard across the waters and Xenomorph #54 and Warwolf #2 lash out and eventually destroy each other. Meanwhile, Serling swims on and is met by Hordak, who is flying above with the use of the yellow power ring. Hordak uses the ring to create a large projectile that destroys the robot. As Hordak flies away from the scene, he is spotted by the Ray. The Ray uses a large light construct to pierce the side of Hordak’s armor. Before the Ray can finish off the wounded Hordak, he is killed by the Green Mantle. The power-ringed and caped Comets fly off together. As Hordak and the Green Mantle look for other Genocide members, they are met by Neo-Cymek #8. The huge monstrosity rises from the depths and manages to grab both Hordak and the Green Mantle before they can react. It crushes them both and their bodies fall into icy waters.

Mera meets Tsunami. The two water-dweller combatants use their prowess in the ocean to do battle. Aquaman’s wife eventually gains the upper-hand over the Justice Force member and crushes his air pipe. As Mera is about to face another foe she is met by Metalhead and Nano. The robot comes from behind and grabs her. Metalhead then uses his hair to create metal spears and weapons that slash her apart. Mera dies.

The remaining Justice Force- Silver Sentry, Ananda, Metalhead, Chrysalis, Nobody, Raptarr and Nano meet the Neo-Cymek. The Comets come together as one and fight the Neo-Cymek. . .

The barrage of body pieces and robot parts that litter the ocean are enormous after the skirmish. As I look to the battleground, I see the bodies of Ananda, Chrysalis, Raptarr, Metalhead and Nano. I also see the enormous Neo-Cymek, smoking and sinking to the depths.

Hayley’s Comets: Silver Sentry and Nobody survive.

Logical Genocide: All dead.

HAYLEY’S COMETS IS VICTORIOUS!!!!

11 comments:

Josh the Commish said...

A 2 and 0 expansion team. Who would have thunk it. Congrats Hayley!

Josh the Commish said...

The Mandalorian Armor was given to Ash. No extra cost.

Krisatu said...

That smurf had a name. "Cannon fodder" Smurf, you will not be forgotten. You will be missed, until you fight again next week and, inevitably, get horrifically massacred.

Congrats to the victor, I shall learn from this experience and grow from it.

Krisatu said...

Though, I do question how my gremlin, while fighting in water, didn't multiply and give me more more scaly, clawed minions of death and destruction. Science has shown that Gremlins exposed to water give you more gremlins. SCIENCE!!

Solobeck said...

SCIENCE: The Arctic climate does not allow the Gremlin to multiply at its normal rate. Just as the frigid waters lower the body temperature of a human being, the same effects hindered the Gremlin from procreating at the rate expected. . . had you started the creature in the warmer Atlantic, Pacific or Indian Oceans, we may have a different result. . .

Josh the Commish said...

Nice cover-up Bryan!

Solobeck said...

Nothing to cover-up; I'm sticking to the "science". . .

Krisatu said...

I had read a paper somewhere that suggested the cold, harsh waters would produce a tougher, more durable batch of gremlins. I guess I missed the part about the longer gestation period. Ah well, next time I'll take that into account.

Lickolas said...

I am starting a publication entitled, "The New England Journal of Fantasy Science", I was wondering if either of you would like to write an article for me.

Solobeck said...

I will only write as a co-author with Johnny-I love this guy!

Krisatu said...

I have no problem co-authoring a paper. As long as I'm credited as "The Logical" Dr Johnathen "Ass-kicker" Awesome, esq.