Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Spoiler Sports- Week One FFL Roundup

You're watching ESPN 8-The Ocho!. As always, I'm Cotton McKnight and this is "Spoiler Sport" your weekly wrap up of all the happenings around the Fantasy Fantasy League.

We'll start with the "Stan Lee" conference, where the JRR Tolkien division displayed total and complete utter domination of the over the Frank Herbert division. Every single team in the Herbert division fell to the Tolkiens, which is hardly surprising considering the pedigree of squads such as TEAM and Beckerman's Backyardigan Beeyatches, but the real story is the possible rise of Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends.

It looks like Griff's gamble of trading the first overall pick in the 2012 draft has really paid off for the Dope Fiends as the former worst team of 2011 starts off their season with a bang with a win over the very team that may have led to the Dope Fiends success-reigning FFL Champions "Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve".

However, the win was not without controversy. Team owner Griffin Poteracki seems none too pleased with the performance of sole match survivor Kingdom Come Superman saying "KFC Superman is officially available for trade." It's no secret that the Dope Fiends have been less than impressed with last year's #1 pick, Kingdom Come Superman, and perhaps it was his near death at the hands of Mandolorian Justin Oblak that was the final straw for Griffin. No word has surfaced if any team is interested in picking up the elderly Kryptonian, but we'll keep you all abreast of the situation as it happens.

Over in the "George Lucas" conference things are looking a bit more balanced, with perennial favorites Miley Cyrus and President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos and last year's Universe Bowl competitor The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets both finding success in 2012. Better Than All of You also had a very strong first outing, disposing of a Transfoamers squadron led by blue lantern John Cena.

One story to keep an eye on this season is the alleged "Commissioner Curse" that seems to plague the teams run by the acting Commish of the FFL. After strong starts the last two years in the FFL, including an impressive 9-2 season last year, the mighty "Horsemen of the Apokolips" found themselves on the losing side of battle falling to a very hungry "George Washington's Slaves". The news of the Horsemen's defeat was hardly a surprise to owner of the Slaves Chris Artrip who was quoted before the season even began as saying "The Commish is gonna start the year 0-1!" Many pointed out that in the first two years of FFL game play the Horsemen also displayed sluggish starts, but we'll continue to watch this story as it unfolds to see if the Horsemen just had a bad day, or if there's some truth that last year was a fluke for the office or if the office of Commish is just curse to lose.

Keep it locked here on the Ocho for all the fierce and frigid action as the FFL takes to the Arctic for week two. This has been "Spoiler Sport". I'm Cotton McKnight. Thank you and keep it here for more of your "Sports on the Fringe" right here on ESPN 8- The Ocho.

Thank you and good night.

6 comments:

Lickolas said...

Holy shit I love this idea!

Ryan said...

Awesome job Seeney! Loved it!! And it's about time we got some exposure on the Ocho. I love that channel, can't get enough of it.

Artifact said...

Awesome recap dude. Also, not sure if you heard but...

This week. The arctic. YOU. WILL. FALL.

Stay tuned and watch the carnage unfold!

The Champion of the Universe-Logical Genocide GM said...

Best of luck to George's Washington's Slaves this week. I look forward to doing battle with such a fierce competitor.

Too bad you guys are all a*****es. Seriously. F**k. You.

Champ. OUT!

Josh the Commish said...

This was awesome!!

Artifact said...

Statement released from Head Coach George Washington:

"My team takes excessive pride in being "A*****es". Do you think that I, George Washington, took on the throne and founded this great nation by being a nice guy? No, Asses were kicked and names were taken. Your name is next.

"We thank you for the compliment."

He really is a nice guy once you get to know him.
-Fizz