Thursday, June 12, 2014

Consolation Round 2: The Empire Vs. George Washington's Slaves

The Empire is: Decepticon Decoy #1, Watchdog #4 and #5.

George Washington's Slaves are: Zorak.

"How high can you get?"

He thinks back to a time before the senseless violence. A time before the endless fighting. Back when a single quarter was the difference between champ and chump. When a man could take pride in three simple initials a top an electronic scoreboard. He ran that arcade, and his name was DOG. Maybe you can go home again...

"Hey Watchbro #4! Snap out of it!" yells Watchdog #5. The Empire's Watchdogs and Decepticon Decoy #1 observe The Slaves' Zorak getting to the top of the Donkey Kong level effortlessly using his natural leaping ability. The mantis remains standing on the top platform, waiting for The Empire to make their move.

Watchdog #4 takes leadership of the trio. "Just follow my lead. I know this game like the back of my hand. Once we get to the top of the level, we'll make short work of that bug with Decepticon #1 helping us." plans Watchdog #4. "Decepticon?" asks Decepticon Decoy #1. "Am I a Decepticon used to draw fire, or am I an Autobot used to decoy Decepticons? 011001110010... ERROR... EXISTENTIAL CRISIS DOES NOT COMPUTE..." states Decepticon Decoy #1 as it's logic circuit fries. The robot's lifeless husk falls to it's doom. Watchdog #4 shakes his head disapprovingly, having fogotten the sheer stupidity that is bound to occur in a consolation match. "So It's down to The Watchdogs? No problemo amigo!" encourages the younger Watchdog #5. "I know it's old as hell, but even I can see that this primitive setting is a video game. That means we have at least a full health bar and unlimited continues! See you at the finish line!" says Watchdog #5. "No!!! Stop you fool!!!" warns Watchdog #4, but it is too late. Watchdog #5 makes the jump to the elevator, but is burned to a crisp in one hit by the fire creature that roams aimlessly on the second girder structure.

Watchdog #4 shakes off the predictable death of his uninitiated teammate, and focuses his mind, just like he did all those years ago. "I still run this." Watchdog #4 says to himself. He waits for the flaming being to randomly descend the staircase, then the seasoned veteran makes his move. DOG jumps from the starting point to the first elevator, then to the second steel girder structure. He doesn't stop and goes for he second levitating platform, then completes the super secret pimp jump to a certain piece of steel. Because of this, he avoids this level's limitless onslaught of deadly jumping jaacks. At least until DOG gets to the last obstacle of the old school video game. The second to last platform features an unending series of jack after jack, blocking his path to the final ladder. The old pro remembers the pattern, and ascends the ladder to the top platform with perfect timing to avoid a cheap death. Watchdog #4 allows himself a slight bit of satisfaction as he smiles. "DOG still runs this. Maybe you can go home aga..."

Zorak zaps aWatchdog #4 with his alien ray gun as soon as he climbs the last ladder. "I am the lone locust of the apocalypse. Think of me when you look to the night sky." mocks Zorak.

3 comments:

NFG Mike said...

George Washington's Slaves are triumphant as Zorak is the sole survivor!

The Empire: all dead.

Artifact said...

Haha. Awesome.

Josh the Commish said...

Good stuff Mike!! Your mastery of DK made you the perfect Watcher for this!!