Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions Vs. TEAM

TEAM is Gannon, Treebeard, Beorn Gil-Galad, David Parks w/ Mitchell, and Shaylee, Edward Cullen, Bella Cullen, Bella Swan, Leah, Seth, Jane, Felix, Valkyrie #8, and Mummy #1-10.

Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions are Sasquatch, Thundarr the Barbarian, Beast Boy, The Battle Toads: Rash, Zitz, and Pimple, Ent #1-4, Animal Man, and Borg #1-10.


Joshatu: Hey… Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. WAKE UP you A**hole. Pogo, wake up.

Pogo: Whaaaaaaaaat??!!?? What?? What do you want??

Joshatu: Get out of bed, you have a match to watch.

Pogo: Noooooo, you said the season was over; and that I could sleep through the off-season, so there!

Joshatu: You did. It’s Season 8, in fact it’s week 2. Now get to it.

Pogo: CRAP BAGS!!.......................................


Well, evidently the next season has started, the people are waiting, this super-duper important match needs watching, and it has been left up to yours truly: The Neon Master Pogo (Recognize).

So, here I am, ready to rock per usual. These two teams put up some TOTES good squads and it is really gnarly to be here in Hyrule. This is my favorite of all the digitized forests in all the multiverses; but as usual, I showed up a little late and this match is already in progress.

Sasquatch seems to be battling with the oldest living being in Middle Earth Treebeard, while Thundarr the Barbarian is rushing at Gannon, who stands at the ready with his massive sword in hand and an ever-growing confidence due to the home field advantage of Hyrule. I think the Borgs are fighting The Mummies, Beast Boy and Beorn are morphing into junk, The Battletoads are deciding whether to stomp Edward’s crew or Dave’s, The Ents are getting gnawed on by a bunch of Twilight sissies, and Gil-Galad is being driven crazy by Animal Man in all his silliness.

It seems like Borg #1-10, are doing a bunch of high tech stuff that isn’t going over that well in the forest; but they are just going up against a bunch of mummies. The Borgs seem to be getting the better end of the fight; but the mummies do seem to hurt the high tech Borgs to some degree by biting them, or dusting on them, or unraveling on them, or whatever it is they do. But in the end the Mummies all die, and so do The Borgs when Valkyrie #8 uses her shield protected, knife moves to finish off the last six remaining Borg.

Animal Man uses his ability to take on dozens of forest friendly animals in a matter of minutes to defeat the extremely skilled Gil-Galad. Gil swings and misses Animal Man, who uses cheetah speed for the evade and then follows with gorilla strength for the killing blow to the head.

The Ents take forever discussing how they are going to fight the extremely easy battle between Leah, Seth, Jane, and Felix. The Twilight dorks feel right at home with this lack of action and all 8 competitors travel into the forest together so they can do that what is most dear to them. All 8 of them spend the next 100 years slowly dying of boredom.

Dave Parks convinces his brother and his girlfriend via a whole bunch of pencil (pensil) dick talk that they can totally take The Battletoads because they have played the game a bunch of times and he is really good at it. Dave and his buds rush in like a true trio of diabolical fruitcakes; but The Battletoads go all big foot and big fist on them and finish them off. Edward, Bella, and Bella rush the Battletoads next. Pimple, the most useless of the toads, known mostly for being captured during the whole first video game proves that he is not as useless as Bella Swan. He crushes her non-vamp a** into the ground but he then gets his neck twisted off by Edward, while Rash cracks the neck of Bella Cullen while she is simultaneously ripping out his jugular vein with her teeth. Edward then breaks the toad face of Zitz to finish of the Toad trio.

Beorn may be one of the greatest and most powerful characters in Fantasy literature history; but Beast Boy has been a star in at least three tongue and cheek cartoons, so guess who is going to come out on top in this skirmish. Beorn gets all growly, but Beast Boy gets all “9 deathy” and turns into an elephant to take a green power dump down the throat of Beorn the Shapeshifter after he finishes him off.

Treebeard takes a beating from Sasquatch; but he proves to be more than durable as he finally gets a hold of The Alpha Flight member and crushes the life out of him.

Thundarr on the other hand, may give every dude in the room a boner as he rushes towards Gannondorf with his glistening ripped abs showing off; but Gannon starts being all like “embodiment of pure evil blah blah blah”. And Thundarr then gets croaked pretty quick with a mystical broad sword to the face.

Beast Boy then kangaroo punches Valkyrie #8 in her face a bunch of times, before doing his patented brontosaurus drop on Edward before he can get all angsty. Treebeard then finally clothelines Beast Boy just right while in his velociraptor form to crack his neck.

Animal Man then uses his beaver skills to pretend like a beaver is actually a tough animal and he jacks up the top dogg Ent Treebeard until he is finally taken out by Animal Man.

Pogo then pretends like he didn’t just bring up beavers, just so he could say beaver and chuckle about it. Gannon uses his mystical powers to finish off Animal Man and retain his dominance over the land.

Pogo then goes back to sleep, while the rest of the league pretends like this garbage match never happened and hopefully ignores the fact that these two great squads did not get the match that they deserved.

Oh well……..