George Washington's Slaves Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches

George Washington’s Slaves are Paul Bunyan w/ Babe the Ox, Juan Sanchez Villa Lobos Ramirez, Crocodile Dundee, Cad Bane, Spiderman w/ Aunt May in The Spider Buggy, Fernus, Superman, Ki Adi Mundi, Jedi Padawan #33, and Starship Trooper #88-96.

Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches are Predator #17, 20-25, & 28-32, Fremen #51-54, Elven Soldier #11-12, and Xenomorph#81-84.


“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one”.

-Albert Einstein.




Originated in Plato’s Republic within his allegorical discussion of those chained within the darkened cave, expressed later by Putnam in 1981 with his writings on the “brain in a vat”, made apparent in pop-culture by movies such as The Matrix, and brought into an enlightened and modern realm by scientist and philosopher, Nick Bostrom; The Simulation Theory holds several undeniable truths about our own reality, as well as the reality of that of our future selves. If we are to believe that advanced civilizations will at some point run ancestor simulations and create simulated realities to fit the needs of their own entertainment than we must believe that the probability of us, or other personalities locked within other realities are more likely to be simulated than non-simulated. It would be pertinent to believe that other civilizations would eventually follow the same path. Even the most brutal and/or recreational minded persons would eventually adopt a more Progressive attitude which would inevitably lead to the outlawing of the most basic needs of a well-developed culture. Should this be true, how would a society go about fulfilling several millennia of suppressed want, simply because modern politics and culture should dictate that it has become increasingly inappropriate. As cultures become exponentially more innovative and dependent on technologies, a phenomenon could arise wherein culture’s most lackadaisical forms of entertainment could come to emulate their most primitive forms of survival.

Perhaps a simpler way to put this question would be……. Do Predators play video games??

If they did, and could have access to a perfect, tried, and true video game setting such as Hyrule, imagine if they could interject a likeness of themselves into said game and act out levels of hunting prey that were never possible, even for their most skilled ancestors.

As The Slaves are dropped into the forested landscape and regroup, it becomes apparent that they are surrounded by those who do not wish the best for them. They first stumble upon the enormous gutted corpse of Paul Bunyan and his blue Ox Babe. The Ox was obviously made into an exquisite meal, while Paul’s large body was simply placed as an example of who not to mess with. Some neon colored blood remnants were found on the axe hand of Paul (though his axe was taken probably as a trophy). This led the Slaves Squad to believe that at least one of the combatants was killed before Paul and Babe were so savagely murdered. Next, they came upon the body of Fernus. This extremely powerful character was strung up in much the same manner. More Predator blood was found; but not nearly as much Martian blood. Superman calls his squad together to regroup and decides that they will wait out these strange occurrences until morning.

Ki Adi Mundi discusses battle strategy, the force, and the way of the universe with his new padawan Sirch Pirtra (Jedi Padawan #33). The padawan speaks to his master: “Master Mundi, I realize that we have only been together for a matter of weeks; but what you have taught me already has shown me insight into the force that I never thought possible”. “You will do well my young padawan. I foresee you will become a powerful Jedi, and your leadership skills surpass mine already. The way you control your Starship Troopers, is better than some of the top Jedi Generals ever led their Clone Armies. You will do well my apprentice, and I foresee that we will be victorious in this battle”. Says Ki Adi Mundi.

The digitized dawn comes over the forest of Hyrule as morning becomes reality. The Slaves stand at the ready; but the forest that they all know will soon erupt in battle seems quiet….. Too quiet. Spiderman’s spidey sense tingles as does the force within Master Mundi and Sirch. “The pawns will come first”. Said Sirch.

At that moment four Xenomorphs rushed on to the scene, no doubt captured prey of the Predators, used for little more than hunting dogs. Fremen come with a full frontal attack, while The Elven Soldiers who are supposed to give ranged support are both beheaded where they hide by the blade of Juan Ramirez.

Spiderman lets Aunt May take the wheel of The Spider Buggy, while Crocodile Dundee drinks a Fosters in the back seat. Xenomorph #82 gets run over by the buggy, while Spiderman uses his web shooters from within the safety of the vehicle to constrain and eventually crush the Aliens in place.

Master Mundi’s Padawan bravely leads the charge against The Fremen; but the warriors prove to be even better than expected. Only three of the four desert warriors fall at the hands of the superiorly armed Starship Troopers. With one remaining (#51) and The Starship Troopers dead as well, Sirch Pirtra approaches The Fremen with his mind intent on retribution. “You killed my troopers; but your attack ends here” says the padawan. The Fremen retorts: “Those men of the desert were tribesman, and I their Naib. There water may belong to this cursed forest; but their memory will serve as my reason for vengeance, oh wielder of las. It is still but a blade held by a lesser fighter” The Fremen then slowly reveals his crysknife and utters the sacred dueling phrase of the desert to his worthy opponent: “May your balde shatter and crack”. The two go at each other with vengeance; but despite Pirtra’s superior knowledge of the universe, he is still mismatched in shear ferocity. As the padawan swings his blade for a headshot, the Naib ducks out of the way and delivers his crysknife into the chest of his opponent. “NOOOOOOOO” screams Ki Adi Mundi as he rushes the Fremen killer of his apprentice and quickly removes him of his head. Mundi falls to his knees in despair at the loss of his padawan; but he stands up shortly after with a renewed level of mental strength. The padawan gasps for air, as he looks to his master, with blood coming from his mouth says: “Thank you Master, you showed me the way, though I wish…… I wish I could have become a Jedi Knight to honor your teachings even more”. Life seems to fade from Sirch when Ki Adi Mundi reignites his lightsaber and says to his padawan: “You have certainly passed the trials today my apprentice”. Mundi places the lightsaber on either side of the humanoid padawan’s head and says: “By the right of the Council, by the will of The Force… Dub you I do… Jedi, Knight of The Republic”. As his apprentice dies a fulfilled Jedi, Mundi seems lost in his thoughts when he looks to Superman for a friend in what could be construed as the goodness of just revenge. But it is Cad Bane who looks up at the Jedi Councilman and Kryptonian champion and speaks: “I’ve picked up their trail. They may be invisible, but we can track them. They are about seven hours out. How do you feel about taking the offensive”. Ki Adi seems upset at the situation and anxious as to what members of his team may think, until Superman’s words and the agreeable body language of the rest of his squad bring forth a smile. Superman says with conviction: “Then tonight, we hunt the hunters”.

And hunt they did. With resolve and success. And without losing one more member of their squad. They did it for their friends, they did it for The Slave that could have been, and they did it because winning was not just the will of the team but the will of the force.