Season 8, Week 2: Miley Cyrus and Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos vs The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets

Miley Cyrus and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos are Jared Nomak w/ Despotellis’ Yellow Lantern Ring, Tracksimus Prime, Warpath, Movie Blackout w/ Atrocitus’ Red Lantern Ring, Darth Binks, Bellatrix LeStrange, Judah Ben Hur w/ White Lantern Ring, The Dinobots: Grimlock, Slag, Snarl, Sludge, & Swoop, The Susperia Clan: Madame Blanc, Miss Tanner, Helena Markos & Susperia Witch Coven #1-5, Tenderheart Bear, Gungan Soldier #13, and Vampire #5-10, #71-74.

The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets are Link, Lolo, Bizarro Mr. Mxyzlplkt, The Eradicator, Haldir w/Mithril Vest & Green Lantern Ring, Tom Bombadil w/ Alan Scott’s Green Lantern Ring, Jolly Green Giant, Sprout w/ Green Lightsaber, The Farmer, Velociraptor #21-23, Wicked Witch of the East w/ Orange Lantern Ring, Hammer Bros. Shaun Poteracki, Zombie Robert Hudson on Nazgul #9's Mordor Horse and Goblin #51-60.

“I have fought within these forests more times that I care to remember. The night is always a dangerous time to be within these trees. Lucky for me I have brought some back up.” 

The trees rustle as a giant pushes past them. 

“I can smell them, Link. There are eight, maybe ten of them,” says the Golly Green Giant.

“I miss the days where your namesake ran true old friend,” replies the protector of Hyrule.

“Link my boy, I have seen too many of our friends lost to in this miserable life we have been thrust into. I apologize, but there just isn’t much to be ‘jolly’ about anymore,” says the Giant. 

Two Vampires leap out from the trees, fangs exposed. There is a hum behind them followed by a quick green glow that relieves them both of their heads.

“Come on Jolly Green. We just won a championship. You’ve got a lot to still be jolly about!” Sprout says as Vampire #71 and #72’s limp bodies crumple to the ground. 

The emerald behemoth sighs as his compatriot shows little remorse for the lives he just sent to the Graveyard. Link hears the faintest crack, draws his Bow of Light and fires three Light Arrows into the trees. Flashes of brimstone and fire bursts in the thick foliage as screams are heard.

“Three more of these vamps down, let’s move. We’re being watched,” Link says to his team. 

The five remaining Vampires charge after Link and Sprout. An angry bellow is let out from the Golly Green Giant as he slams his foot down, crushing the five Vampires. 

The three of them double back and meet up with the rest of their team. Tom Bombadil uses his mastery of magic, along with his mystical Green Lantern Ring to form lassos around the three Velociraptors. 

“These Commandos are not to be trifled with,” Haldir states. 

“Thank you for stating the obvious elf. I’m surrounded by elves. Feh,” quips the Eradicator as he floats solemnly above the rest of his team, ignoring whatever plans they continue to work out. 

Haldir’s Green Lantern Ring begins to glow as he turns his gaze upon the Eradicator.

“Ignore the Kryptonian, Haldir. He’s one to talk. There’s more of them out there than there are of us,” Link says as he places a hand on his brethren’s shoulder. “We have bigger things to worry about.”

“Link. Send the Goblins. Let them stir up some trouble,” Haldir responds to his teammate. 

Link gives the word to his team of Goblins. They growl and beat their armor as they race off into the forest, leading the charge. They hack and slash through the brush, making all sorts of noise. They then come to a sudden stop as they hear something that frightens them. Several loud, thunderous, metallic roars. The Dinobots come crashing through the trees and rip through the Goblins as if they were insects. 

“Holy crap. The Dinobots,” Hammer Bros. Shaun Poteracki says to himself in a sense of astonishment and admiration. He pulls his hammers out, reddening himself for battle. Unfortunately for him, he is impaled by the spikes on Snarl’s tail. With his last dying breath the Poteracki Hammer Bros. goes “Huh. That’s so cool.”

“Commandos attack!” exclaims Trackimus Prime as the Suspira Witch Coven, led by Madame Blanc swarm the Traveling Sisterhood (though, with the exception of the Raptors….. there’s not a female amongst them…. Well except for maybe Zombie Rob Bartlett.). Tom and the Wicked Witch throw up a green and orange force field, deflecting the magical and lantern energy blasts. The Wicked Witch’s cackle mixes in the air with the Suspria’s own cackles. The laughter annoys Bombadil. This actually in turns makes him begin to laugh himself.

“What are YOU laughing about little man?” exclaims his teammate, the Wicked Witch. 

“Normally I’M the one who’s doing the annoying! Hahaha!” he responds. 

This statement makes the Witch of the East cackle even louder. Together they control their energies together and blast the Witch Coven back. Suspiria Witch #4 and #5 are eviscerated by this controlled burst. Miss Tanner is the first to retaliate and knocks Tom Bombadil backwards as Helena Markos leaps on the Wicked Witch.

“Oh such a shame. You should have been one of us. Pity,” she grows as Red Lantern energy foams from her mouth.

“Hahahahaahaha. I like that ring of yours,” the Wicked Witch of the East maniacally laughs as she puts a hole through the chest of the old woman. She reaches for the Red Lantern ring, but it shoots off to the Commandos’ locker room before she can claim it for her own. “Nooooooo!!! It’s mine!!!”

“No…. It’s ours.” Madame Blanc says as she drops a house made purely of yellow energy on top of the Wicked Witch of the East.

“Now, now, now. That wasn’t very polite of you,” Tom Bombadil says as he uses his immense magical abilities to tear Madame Blanc from the inside out. 

“Sisters!!! End him… NOW!” Miss Tanner exclaims as she and the three remaining Suspiria Witches merge on Tom Bombadil. 

“Avada Kedavra!!” shouts Bellatrix LeStrange as she arrives to aid her sisters of the spell. 

The Killing Curse hits Tom square in the chest, but he is too powerful to be taken down by a single incantation. All five witches focus their attack on him, but he continues to withstand.  He focuses himself as he sings. “Old Tom Bombadil is a merry fellow; Bright blue his jacket is, and his boots are yellow” over and over again. He lets out a powerful green burst that blinds all around. This sacrifice takes out all the remaining witches. 

Meanwhile, Bizarro Mr. Mxyslplkt is trying everything he can to penetrate Judah Ben Hur’s white lantern energy. Lolo hops in to try and help, but Ben Hur creates a chariot drawn by a team of horses made up of pure white energy and crushes his foes beneath their hooves. However, what he did not see coming was, Link from behind. He impales Ben Hur with the Master Sword. The chariot dissipates as Ben Hur’s soul leaves this plane of existence and passes on to the Graveyard.

The Raptors, which were once wrangled by Tom Bombadil, are now on the loose. However, flesh and bone dinosaurs are no match for the Dinobots. Swoop flies in and dive-bombs the trio and annihilates them. 

“Me Swoop having fun!” as he rockets back up into the sky.

His fun however is cut short as the Jolly Green Giant knocks him out of the air with a mighty swing of a tree that he has ripped out of the ground. But this hit does not kill Swoop. The Giant is angry and stomps his way closer to Swoop. He hears the whirl of transformation. Grimlock bursts through the trees and tackles the Jolly Green Giant to the ground. He then transforms back into a Tyrannosaurs Rex, opens his massive jaws and engulfs the Giant in flames. Grimlock lets out a monstrous roar as the battle wages on.

Haldir draws his bow and arrow, charges the arrow with green energy and fires it through the mouth of Gungan Soldier #13. A red lightsaber ignites amongst the dark of the night. 

“Usa gonna pay bombad dearly for dis,” growls Darth Binks. 

“Come then Gungan. Please test me,” retorts Haldir as he creates a green energy sword.

The two clash blades, sending sparks into the air. Haldir ducks as Darth Binks angrily swings his lightsaber, cutting a tree in half. The Sith Gungan spins back around and slashes Haldir’s chest, sending him to the ground. Darth Binks moves closer to end this duel, but the elf rolls over and drives his green energy sword through his neck. Link arrives just as Binks falls to the ground. 

“Haldir, I saw that last attack he made. You should have been cut in half!” Link shouts. As he extends his hand to pick his teammate up, he notices the glimmer of Haldir’s Mithril vest. “Well I’ll be damned. That stuff even blocks a lightsaber?!” 

“Lucky for me. Now let’s get back out there. Our team is getting decimated,” Haldir responds. 

As they rush back into battle, they see the crushed remains of the Farmer within a massive robotic footprint. Overhead they see the Eradicator and Movie Blackout are engaged in a hellacious dogfight. Zombie Rob Bartlett rides past them upon Nazgul #9’s horse. The zombie and the horse are then quickly blown away by a blast from Warpath.

“KABLAMMO!!! Now that’s what I’m talking about! ZOOOWIE!!” Warpath exclaims. 

The Autobot tank continues to trek towards the elves. He targets them and fires, but Link uses Farore’s Wind to teleport them both behind the tank. This allows Haldir and Link to gain the advantage on Warpath. Haldir rips the door off the top of Warpath. Link leaps on top of him and tosses a bag of bombs into the exposed hull. The Autobots is blown apart from the inside as the elves continue to give their team a chance, ending his FFL career.

The Eradicator dodges Movie Blackout’s red lantern energy his is spewing out at the Kryptonian. He then takes of full speed and rips right through the helicopter, sending him to the Graveyard. He then turns his attention to the Dinobots below. As the Eradicator engages the team of metallic dinosaurs, Sprout sees Jared Nomack slinking his way towards Haldir and Link. He uses his size to catch the reaper vampire by surprise and relieves him of his head with his lightsaber. 

“Ha. I’m starting to enjoy offing these bloodsuckers,” Sprout says to himself. He is then tackled to the ground by a ferocious Tenderheart Bear. “Ha please. Give me a break,” Sprout says as he cuts the Care Bear into several pieces. 

Trackimus Prime then rolls in, only to be unceremoniously blasted by the Eradicator. The damage is severe. The Dinobots see their Autobot leader gravely injured and leap into action. They all descend upon the ancient Kryptonian quite literally tear him limb from limb. 

“Cough… Damn, never was much of a leader…. Cough,” Trackimus Prime weakly says. “Grimlock. Take the Matrix. Be the leader you were born to be.” 

Trackimus then opens his chest up and passes the Autobot Matrix of Leadership to the commander of the Dinobots. Grimlock places the Matrix within himself and grows only slightly larger than before. His Tyrannosaurs Rex form now features more armor and large fangs. 

“Me Grimlock now….. Grimlock PRIME!!” he roars.

The rest of the Dinobots roar in unison as Link, Haldir and Sprout make their final stand. Valiant to then end the three of them are.  However, they are just too overwhelmed by the rampaging Dinobots. Sprout is crushed by a mighty swing of Sludge’s tail. Haldir leaps out of the way from Snarl, but his ring wielding arm is sliced off by Slag’s sword and is then burned alive by the Triceratops’ flamethrower. Link is the last member of his team standing. With his Master Sword in hand he leaps up at Grimlock, but alas, does not survive the attack. 

The Dinobots collectively roar in victory as they have defeated a formidable opponent.