S8W2: Griswold's Nut Busters vs. The Royal Highness

Griswold’s Nut Busters is: Zombie Thanos, Onslaught, Age of Apocalypse Blob, Evan Sabahnur, Doomsday, The Slacker Team: (Black Slacker, Even Blacker Slacker, Dark Slacker, Colored Slacker, Brown Slacker and The Damn Near Purple Slacker), Violent J, Shaggy 2 Dope, Nightbrother #10, Warg Rider #3 (W/ Halberd), Rider’s Warg #5, Velociraptor #8, Smurf #3, Treasure Troll #17, Mummy #11-12, Goblin #42-48.

The Royal Highness is: The Gardener, Orion, Mighty Joe Young (8 deaths), Gorilla Grodd (9 deaths), Booker Dewitt & Elisabeth, Wookie #1-4, Dilophosaur #21-22, Wendy, Good Luck Bear, Goblin #11-20. Vehicles: AT-ST, TIE Bomber, Battle Hawk (HeMan), Oscorp Glider.

Warg Rider #3 is tearing through the woods on his trusty Warg (#5).  He is leading the first charge along with Mummies 11 and 12 and Goblins 42-48.  They are soon met by the Goblin crew of the Royal Highness.  The air is soon filled with a green mist (because think thats what color goblin blood is) as the two armies clash.  Nightbrother #10 comes in next and cuts the head off Goblins 12 and 19, ending the melee. He regroups with Mummy #12 as Smurf #3 makes it to the fight carrying Treasure Troll #17 on his back.  Wookie #1-3 quickly rush in and #1 drives his Ryyk sword into the chest of the last remaining as Mummy as Wookie #2 cuts his head off.  The Nightbrother is quick to avenge his fallen common, stabbing Wookie #1 to death before he can free his sword. As the Nightbrother moves his attention to Wookie #2, Wookie #3 has joined the fight.  Wookie #3 gets tripped up by the shorter Nut busters and loses is balance.  Smurf #3 and the Treasure Troll are crushed under the massive weight of the wookie and Nightbrother seizes the opportunity to finish off the fallen wookie, knowing that Wookie #2 will kill him in a matter of seconds.

“Hey... Baby, I heard you like to freeeeeeak!” sings Violent J as he enters the clearing.  Shaggy is right behind him and Wookie #2 stands alone, poised to fight.  He rushes the odd looking stoners wearing clown face (which, by the way, is offensive to real clowns and has no place in this day in age) and when he gets close, is met with a blinding splash of Faygo Redpop in his face courtesy of Mr. 2 Dope.  The wookie waves his sword wildly and feels his knee break as the rap duo gives him a Detroit beatdown.  Amidst the flurry of kicks and punches, he loses his grip on his sword which Violent J picks up and uses to ensure the Wookie will never celebrate another Life Day.

KA-BOOM.  The lyrical masterminds are destroyed and where they once stood is now only a smoking crater courtesy of the AT-ST being controlled by Wookie #4 and Good Luck bear.

“Aaaaarrrrrgghhhhh!”  Says Wookie #4.

“It wasn’t luck!” protests the bear, “Can’t I ever do anything awesome in this league without it immediately being perceived as as luck. I spent 5 years in the Care Bear Marine Corps.  I’ve seen my fair share of spilled stuffing.”

“Urrgh.”  Says Wookie #4 apologetically as he pushes a lever to move the walker forward.

A few clicks east, Booker DeWitt is hiding in the bushes with Wendy while his daughter Elizabeth circles above in a TIE Bomber.  Booker leans down and whispers into the ear of the fast food matriarch, “On my mark, you run!”.  He grips his shotgun and watches as his two Dilophosaurus teammates charge at The Blob.  The claws of the dinosaurs make barely a scratch in the thick skin of the man and The Blob scoops up Dilo #21 and eats him whole.  Mighty Joe Young jumps onto the head of The Blob, interrupting his feast.  The massive gorilla digs his claws into the eye sockets of The Blob and pull his eyes out.  

“Now Wendy!” Says Booker.  Wendy takes off and grabs the biggest rock she can handle.  She scales the fat folds on the morbidly obese creature and, sacrificing herself for the cause, lunges herself into his gaping maw, jamming the rock into his throat, cutting off his air supply. (“I’m all out of love… I’m so lost without youuuu!”)  Booker raises his shotgun and fires shot after shot into the mouth of The Blob and into his brain finally ending his struggle.  

Mighty Joe Young falls next as Evan Sabahnur projects a beam of energy into the chest and head of the beast sending him to the Graveyard.  The air begins to reek of burnt hair and flesh and Booker watches as Evan easily kills the last Dilophosaurus and turns to face him.  He knows his shotgun is probably no match for the former X-man but steadies his aim anyway.  Suddenly, the bushes to his right begin to rustle and he peers over into the sinister eyes of Velociraptor #8.

“Clever girl.” Booker says to himself.

Booker is shredded and the raptor begins to eat his guts before he finishes dying.  Elizabeth defending from above fires a flurry of blasts killing the dinosaur and sending Evan fleeing.  The shots have given off her position and Onslaught jumps onto the hull of the ship.  No evasive maneuvers can get him off as he is magnetically attached.  Elizabeth can feel him trying to take control of the ship so in a selfless act, she manipulates a tear in the fabric of time and drives her ship, along with Onslaught, into another unknown time and dimension far away from this match.

The Slacker team is sitting around, not doing much.  Doomsday starts to yell at his teammates when he hears the AT-ST coming through the trees.  “Do... whatever it is that you guys do!” he yells before taking off toward the walker.  

The Slacker team stands to face each other and they touch the tips of their “fingers” together.  “With our powers combined,” the six of them chant, “We form, The Mighty Jackin Power Slacker!”  Colored, Brown and Purple climb onto the shoulders of the other three and they join arms together and march in the direction that Doomsday ran.

Doomsday has obliterated the AT-ST and he is covered in wookie blood and the cotton from Good Luck Bear.  He is tearing one of the metal legs off the dismantled machine and sees his the Slacker team.  “THAT is your special power?!?” says Doomsday.  “You just sit on each other’s shoulders?”

The Mighty Jackin Power Slacker shrug all 12 of their shoulders and look up in horror as they see Gorilla Grodd bearing in riding a Battle Hawk.  He uses the claws on the ship to scoop up Doomsday and throw him into The MJPS.  The impact of Doomsday and also being blown into the trees kills all six of the slackers.  Gorilla Grodd dismounts his ship and Doomsday shakes the dust off.  Doomsday charges the beast and the two begin to fight.

Evan Sabahnur joins the fight along with Zombie Thanos.  Gorilla Grodd is outnumbered and it looks like his ticket to the the graveyard is stamped.  He looks at his three attackers who surround him. As they close in, Evan gets shot in the head with an arrow of Orion who soars in on an Oscorp Glider.  Doomsday charges at the Greek huntsman and breaks his bow along with his neck.  Exhausted, Doomsday rises to help Zombie Thanos but arrives too late as he just had his neck snapped by Gorilla Grodd.  Doomsday and Grodd are back to where they started, only now they are holding each other tighter and tighter like two heavyweights in the 12th round who have given all they have.  Doomsday proves the better match. As he crushes the last life out of Gorilla Grodd, he falls exhausted and prostrate watching his breath ripple the puddles that have formed in the footprints on the forest floor.

The trees begin to rustle and Doomsday rolls over to watch the canopy of leaves above him come to life. The branches reach out and wrap themselves around the last Nut Buster. The Gardener emerges from the shadows and Doomsday surrenders himself as the limbs tighten their grip and cuts his massive body into a dozen pieces.