The Royal Highness Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips

The Royal Highness is Dave Thomas: Founder of Wendys, Wendy, and The Toxic Avenger.

The Horsemen of Apokolips is Blanket Hood Man, Bobert, Towel Capr Boy, and Se-Man: The Golgothan seman monster.


It was the third date that Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's had been on since he'd joined the online dating site Don't Date Your Desk! It was a site dedicated to workaholics just like him who were too busy getting embroiled in workplace issues like fresh, never frozen beef patties. It was so hard to find time for true love with all that going on.

Dave was feeling excited, yet nervous. Luckily, his date had agreed to meet him at work that day, so Dave was tidying up the restaurant bathroom to set the right mood. He turned off half the lights and lit a single white votive candle that he'd set on a foil Homestyle Chicken Sandwich wrapper, sprinkled a few drops of water on his face for a special glow, and leaned against the paper towel dispenser in the sexiest pose he could muster.

A few moments later, in strutted Blanket Hood Man, looking dapper in his blanket hood.

"Hi Dave. I've really been looking forward to our date."

"Hi. Nice to meet you in person finally." He leaned in, hoping for a casual peck on the lips, but Blanket Hood Man took it entirely the wrong way, dropped his own pants and spun Dave around, bent him over the trash can, and ripped his pants off too. Dave began to scream like a dying alley cat. Semen appeared seemingly out of nowhere and did his best to restrain Dave, shoving his face into the pile of used paper towels in the garbage.

Responding to her father's loud keening, Wendy dashed into the bathroom, knocking Semen to the ground with the door. On the way down he hit the corner of the sink with his temple and died instantly. The Toxic Avenger came off the cash register to see what all the ruckus was and nearly collided with Bobert and Towel Cape Boy who were on their way to use the facilities. When they saw Wendy beating the hell out of Blanket Hood Man with the mop, they shoved her away but she managed to whip out a plastic spork from her pocket and stab Bobert directly in his carotid artery. Blood spurted onto the floor, and Towel Cape Boy slipped on the crimson puddle, causing him to fall face first into the metal paper towel dispenser, knocking him unconscious. The Toxic Avenger took the opportunity to body slam him until he finally stopped twitching and died on the damp tile. Blanket Hood Man was so distracted by the commotion that he didn't notice that Dave Thomas, Founder of Wendy's had dragged an enormous vat of Frosty mix into the restroom. He grabbed the end of Blanket Hood Man's blanket and wrapped around and around his face, then tied him to the closest toilet with a bungee cord he'd grabbed from the back of his mail truck. Then he began relentlessly pouring frosty mix over Blanket Hood Man's head, over and over and over until his cries ceased, frosty boarding him to death