TEAM Vs. The Skin Tight Leather Pantsed Trash Pandas

 TEAM is Godzilla, Vah Ruta, Gizmo, Chris Artrip, Julie Artrip, Ella Artrip (w/ Courtney Love's gun), Jack Artrip (in a Tanooki Suit), Ben Artrip (w/ ninja stars), The Legion of Super Heroes: Mon El, Triplicate Girl, Phantom Girl, Invisible Kid, Star Boy, Lightning Lad, & Phibian #1-10.

The Skin Tight Leather Pantsed Trash Pandas are Aquaman, Iron Man, Ice Man, Black Hand, Blastoise, Warturtle, Empoleon, Black Lantern #6, The Honey Nut Cheerios Bee, and Matthew Perry.  

Lake Ontario:  An exotic spot in this crazy mixed up Universe of ours.  Founded by the Annunaki, just after The War of 1812, Lake Ontario literally translates to "the histrionics of orange pillows" or in some tongues "the book of torn shoes".  The Ontario Lake acts as a dimensional portal between the mythical, but unproven places known as The United States and Canada.  

There are many among you mere mortals who would not be able to physically or mentally handle the presence of the great and powerful creatures emerging from the water around me.  one in particular has burst from the fresh water of Ontario in such a manner that even I:  Joshatu the Manful have taken a step of caution at the herculean being I am envisioning.  I am of course referring to Empoleon.  Godzilla is also here.  Or as other people similar to I in stature, intelligence, and ability to rip darts with angst known to you the uninitiated as the Japanese call him Gochira.  Which is what I will refer to this creature as for the remainder of this match, except for when I forget to.  

The problem with the presence of Godzilla when the opposing force is being led by Aquaman is that Aquaman, being the go to guy for FFL water drafting guaranteed to spark the phrase "run on water characters" not only can Ol' Arthur Curry perform better than anyone in the wet; but he can also take control mentally of any creature in the water.  Which Curry attempts to do to the massive Gochira as this battle begins.  Aquaman gains an increase in his already prevalent arrogance when this seems to work.  The Trash Pandas cheer on their leader Aquaman as his mental lock takes effect.  They watch as the mighty Gochira turns on his own team and goes full Godzilla on Phantom Girl and the Phibian straggler #10.  Aquaman is signing autographs for the fish that are so impressed with the top dog(fish) and his telepathic skillzz.  Then Godzilla swallows Black Lantern #6 from The Trash Pandas whole.  Some expect the Black Lantern to return as they are not supposed to be able to be killed in this way; but judging by the enormous black smoke fart that Gochira blew out just now, I'm pretty sure homie is dead.  This act  causes some people to question whether Aquaman's control over the mighty prehistoric lizard is fully working.  In fact, between you and I, I don't think it ever actually did anything.  I think Godzilla was just going to kill all those dudes anyhow.  

Aquaman uses his powers of mental telepathy (for realz this time) to execute plan B.  He orders his top peeps Iron Man, Ice Man, and Black Hand to focus everything they have on Godzilla, despite them not having the water prowess desired to tackle such a creature in his top environment.  Plus, Vah Ruta just popped out of the water, which means Gochira has a new massive homeboy to help him out against the comic dudes.  And don't think that just because we have been talking up my boi Gochira that Vah Ruta don't got that dawg in him, cuz he do.  WOOF, WOOF.  This means that Aquaman is going to have to battle the entire Legion of Superheroes by his lonesome, while the Pokemon will have to take on The Artrips, The Phibians, and more magwai then I can count because Gizmo has been multiplying like crazy ever since we dropped these two squads into the water.  

I almost forgot to mention that I would like to congratulate Matthew Perry on almost five months of sobriety.  He is currently drowning tho.  Must be some Illuminati killing because he was about to come clean with evidence of Chris Cornell being alive in the basement of Trump Tower, burds aren't possibly real on a flat plane, or that Hillary has been executed at Guantanamo Bay.  It can't possibly have anything to do with drugs because all his friends from Friends just told us that they talk to him all the time and that he is doing great and hasn't touched the stuff in years.  Oh well, I guess they should have sent David "Swimmer" or whatever his name is instead.  

The Artrips are doing their best to stay above water.  They are helping each other out and are decent swimmers but this is getting difficult.  Phibian #3 & 4 swim over to help them keep their heads above water; but that is about all they are capable of at this juncture.  The rest of the Phibians swim over to attack the three Pokemon and are aided by the gaggle of magwai and gremlins constantly multiplying and burning up in the sun because this fight is taking place during the day.  Some of them are Gremlins because Julie brought a bunch of appetizers to the pre-fight party and some of them got fed after midnight (damn daylight savings time).  The remaining seven Phibians manage to take out Wartortle; but Blastoise and Empoleon take out the rest of them with Hydro Cannon and Metal Claw.  Gizmo died a while ago; but there are still some gross, mutated gremlins and magwai floating around (probably not for long though).

Aquaman swims in fast towards Mon El and The Legion.  He reaches out telepathically to summon some sharks and massive squid to help him in his quest; but it doesn't work because he is in a Great Lake and not the ocean.  A whole big bunch of trout, walleye, and bass show up though and they are raring to go.  Not to mention tons and tons of alewife fish (I don't know what those are but I googled it and evidently they are the most common fish in Lake Ontario (who knew??)).  Aquaman doesn't mess around when he commences the fight with The Legion and nearly punches Star Boy's head clean off either killing him or knocking him out causing him to drown (either way, he is gone now).  Triplicate Girl is three times as dangerous as normal after she clones herself; but still can't hang for more than a couple minutes with Aquaman.  Lightning Lad has blasted a whole bunch of lightning into the water which didn't affect Aquaman a whole lot but did really piss him off when he saw all the dead alewifes floating to the top of the water.  The Ol' Lad of Lightning gets a trident to the chest for the effort.  

Invisible Kid is nowhere to be seen.  Maybe he is running late, or overslept or something, IDK.....  

Mon El on the other hand does manage to put up quite a fight with the King of Atlantis though.  In this particular setting Mon El and Aquaman have about equal strength and raw power; but Mon El's fighting prowess isn't doing all that well in the water.  As Aquaman draws him deeper and deeper into the lake he is able to overtake him.  Aquaman leaves the skirmish bruised up and sore; but victorious having defeated the entire League of Superheroes single handedly.  

Aquaman moves to help his fellow Trash Pandas with Godzilla but is stopped by Vah Ruta for another bout.

The Honey Nut Cheerios Bee moves into attack The Artrips and their Phibian friends (how is it that there is always a bee around when you are shirtless and swimming??)?  The valiant Honey Nut Cheerios Bee who was so sought after in the draft (way to sleep on the Honey Nut Cheerios Bee Sigmas) fiercely stings Phibian #3 who as it turns out is very allergic to bee bites.  Luckily Jack had his backpack on him and there was a skilled Nurse around.  They administered the EpiPen and The Phibian was fine.  The Honey Nut Cheerios Bee unfortunately died during the stinging process because that is what they do.  

Gochira is being swarmed by Ice Man, Black Hand, and Iron Man who is moving swiftly between attacking high from the air and low from beneath the water.  Ice Man creates an ice slide and is coming in quick towards the kaiju; but Gochira stomps mightily on the O.G. X-Man and crushes him down into the depths of the Great Lake.  Blastoise and Empoleon attempt to join the fight; but their attacks are doing very little damage to the massive Gochira.  A quick burst of atomic breath takes care of them.  The raging battle between Aquaman and the giant elephant beast born to destroy Water Blight Gannon himself known as Vah Ruta continues and moves closer and closer to the devastation being perpetuated by Gochira.  Tony Stark comes up with a plan to take Godzilla down; but knows it is going to have to be a sacrifice play.  He waits for the madman Black Hand to take to the air and move in towards the head of their giant nemesis.  As Godzilla opens his massive maw to swallow the black lantern, Iron Man asks Jarvis to put everything into the thrusters and follows Black Hand with a push right down the throat of Godzilla (I'm just gonna be done calling him Gochira now if that is okay with you guys).  Aquaman witnesses this happening out of the corner of his eye, as he is using what is seemingly the last of his strength to drive his kingly trident into the back of the neck of the mighty and mystical Vah Ruta.  As Iron Man finds himself bouncing into the belly of Godzilla he targets not the inside of the Kaiju itself but instead his dying, yet already dead fellow trash panda Black Hand with every bit of firepower he has left at his disposal.  The black lantern energy mixed with the raw power of Stark's suit explode the intestines of Godzilla and even blows a small hole out of the side of his belly.  The fatally wounded but still living Godzilla lets out an earth rattling bellow that ripples the very water below him.  Then with the last bit of strength possessed by the massive creature, Gochira gives one more insanely intense bellow; but it is this time accompanied by a brutally radioactive atomic breath blast sent directly into the waters below him..........  

Jack Artrip, attempting to save his TEAMmates around him was the only one "awake" enough to see what was about to happen and the only TEAMmember with both the foresight and the ability to take flight with the aid of his tanooki suit and flee to safety.  "If it flies it spies" Jack says with a heavy heart as the water boils beneath him.

EPILOGUE.

Joshatu the Wise returns to his castle where he rents a small room to The Neon Master Pogo for twelve and a half bucks a week.  Pogo emerges from his room wearing torn hospital scrubs, with a corn cob pipe hanging out of his mouth and a Miller High Life in his hand.

Pogo:

-Sup Boss??

Joshatu:

-What's up Pogo

Pogo:  Did you seriously just write a match in the water and have Aquaman lose??

Joshatu:

-Hey man, it was a tough one.  I just called it like I saw it.

Pogo:

-Yeah.  Called it like an idiot saw it.  

Joshatu:

-.................

Pogo:

-HAhaha!!  <<BURP>>

Joshatu:

-I'm never gonna live this one down am I??....................