Built Ford Tough vs George Washington's Slaves

Built Ford Tough is Han Solo & Chewbacca, Jack Ryan, Harrison Ford, The Torchwood Crew, Aslan, Power Man, Iron Fist, E. Honda, Steve McQueen, The Beatles, USAgent, Barry Sanders, Beta Ray Bill, Bill, Bud, & The Deadly Viper Assassin Squad, The Flaming Carrot, Mr. T, Grapple, Sirius Black, Severus Snape, Strong Guy, Solid Snake, Diego & Baby Jaguar, Star Sapphire, Ancient Sith Lord #8 & 13, Mandalorian #7, & Cowboy Curtis.

George Washington's Slaves are Agen Kolar, Marcus Fenix, Augustus Cole, Damon Baird, & Dominic Santiago, Ben Skywalker in a Land Speeder, Bill Rizer & Lance Beam, Cade Skywalker, Bronze Dragon #20, Gonzo & Kamilla in a Go-Cart, Connor MacLeod, Juan Sanchez Villa Lobos Ramirez, Loki, Ninja #1-6, Mad Eye Moonie on a 4-Wheeler, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Sgt. Slaughter, Mercer, Taurus, & Red Dog, Patroclus, Red Dragon #10, Sifo-Dias, Sonny, & Super Soldier.

This Inter-League battle begins deep within the thick forest. The crew of Torchwood sticks closely to Captain Jack Harkness, but in the blink of an eye, their blood is splattered all across the massive trunks of the towering trees around them. “What the hell was that?” asks Steve McQueen. “Ninjas,” Bill calmly replies. “Deadly Vipers, with me,” Bill says as Bud, O-Ren Ishii, Vernita Green and Elle Driver all follow him off into the forest in search of the Ninjas. “Ok guys. I’ve got a great idea. Let’s actually win this battle!” says USAgent. No one on Built Ford Tough speaks a word of disagreement, as they are all hungry for a victory. Gonzo and Kamilla the Chicken come riding in wildly on their Go-kart right towards Built Ford Tough. They slam it into a fallen tree, which sends both of them flying through the air right at Diego and Baby Jaguar. Camilla proceeds to peck the eyes out of Baby Jaguar as the death-defying Gonzo the Great viciously attacks Diego. Mandalorian #7 runs in and blasts Gonzo and Camilla in retaliation for his teammates’ demise. Sirius Black and Severus Snape double team Mad Eye Moody who is trying to evade their magically attacks on his 4-Wheeler. Snape then hits Mad Eye with a Sectumsempra spell, which slashes him across the chest and knocks him off of the 4-Wheeler. Sirius then kills Mad Eye with a death curse. Mr. and Mrs. Smith both open fire at Power Man and Iron Fist, but Power Man protects his life partner with his bulletproof body. “HEY! RYATU!! WE AIN’T GAY!!!” Luke Cage yells at me as I witness this battle. But honestly, I don’t buy it. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, I just don’t get why they keep denying it. I’m mean look at their outfits. For Christ’s sake, Power Man is wearing a silver tiara. Ok anyways, sorry back to the story. Mr. and Mrs. Smith’s bullets harmlessly bounce off Power Man’s impenetrable hide (insert joke here) and Iron Fist races in and easily dispatches the married assassins with a combination of his “Iron Fist” and his martial art abilities. The battalion of Sgt. Slaughter, his Renegades, the Gears of War crew, and the Contra guys all rush in and attack Built Ford Tough. The Gears of War crew mow down the Beatles with effortless ease. Bill Rizer and Lance Bean gun down Cowboy Curtis and Steve McQueen in quick fashion. Sgt. Slaughter and the Renegades do not have the same luck however. Ancient Sith Lord’s #8 and #13 leap in the middle of them and take out Red Dog, Mercer, and Taurus with their lightsabers. Sgt. Slaughter is tackled to the ground by Barry Sanders, which allows USAgent to jump in and bring his shield crashing down on Slaughter’s skull. The team of Agen Kolar, Sifo-Dias, and Cade Skywalker leap into action and engage the Ancient Sith Lords. The Jedi are able to overwhelm the Sith Lords with their teamwork and they strike them down. Han Solo then blasts Agen Kolar several times in the chest, killing the Jedi Master. “See, there’s nothing like a good blaster at your side,” Han says to Chewbacca. The Deadly Vipers Assassination Squad are still on the hunt for the Slaves’ Ninja force. But they quickly find themselves as the hunted instead of the hunter as they are surrounded by six Ninjas. The Ninjas converge on the Vipers simultaneously, but the Vipers are ready and in a flurry of swords and blood, every last Ninja falls before the feet of Bill and his squad. Patroclus has been taken under the tutelage of Juan Sanchez Villa Lobos Ramirez, and along with Connor MacLeod, they all join the battle. Juan and Connor together, attack Mandalorian #7 and with the power of the Quickening they slay the Mandalorian. Patroclus is about to attack Barry Sanders but Aslan leaps onto Patroclus and bites his head off, thus saving the life of his fellow Lion. (Get it?) Red Dragon #10 they swoops in and sets the thick forest a blaze with his fire breath. Bronze Dragon #20 follows closely behind and blasts Grapple with his lightning breath, killing the Autobot. Star Sapphire then flies hard and fast, right into the mouth of Red Dragon #10, and blasting her way out of the other side. Connor and Juan then find themselves surrounded by the Deadly Vipers Assassination Squad. Bill orders them to rush the two Immortals, and though they take out Vernita and Bud, both Immortals’ heads are removed and they are killed. Ben Skywalker drives in and leaps out of his Land Speeder, right where his two teammates have just fallen. He ignites his lightsaber in midair and slices Elle Driver’s head clean off. Cade Skywalker sees his relative outnumbered and rushes in to help. The Two Skywalkers then use the Force to quickly dispatch O-Ren and Bill. Sifo-Dias is then shot in the head by Solid Snake who is perched high up in the trees. Sonny climbs the tree as fast as he can and kicks Solid Snake down to the ground. But Solid Snake is able to recover and stealthily slips away. Strong Guy is then smashed hard into the ground by Super Soldier. Super Soldier uses his super speed to punch Strong Guy as fast as he can, preventing Guido from mounting any sort of offense and also preventing him from expelling the massively building kinetic energy inside him. The power is too much for Strong Guy’s body to withstand, and he has an enormous heart attack, killing the mutant. Han Solo gathers Harrison Ford, Jack Ryan, E Honda, Chewbacca and Aslan the Lion to attack the video game soldiers. Han Solo shoots Augustus Cole with his blaster as Chewbacca rips the arms off of Damon Baird. Bill Rizer and Lance Bean double team Harrison Ford and kill the sauced actor. Marcus Fenix charges E Honda, who instinctively starts doing his Hundred Hand Slap, but he has his hand cut off by Marcus’s chainsaw bayonet. Marcus then kicks the sumo wrestler down and steps on his chest as he blasts him with his Lancer Assault Rifle. The Contra guys try to ambush Aslan the Lion, but Chewbacca sacrifices himself for the Jesus Christ allegory. He leaps in front of Aslan and takes the gunfire from Bill and Lance. Han Solo and Jack Ryan then sneak up behind them and put two well-placed shots in the back of their heads. The Flaming Carrot, Solid Snake, and Mr. T join Han, Jack and Aslan as they back Marcus and Dominic up against a burning tree. “F*$&#! Well why not,” Marcus says to Dominic as he throws an Ink Grenade at the oncoming assault. It goes off and poisons all eight of them. “Crap we really needed Aslan for this battle,” USAgent says to Beta Ray Bill. Super Soldier then attacks Beta Ray Bill before he has the opportunity to respond. The two super-powered combatants fly high up above the burning trees as USAgent, Power Man, Iron Fist, Barry Sanders, Sirius Black, Severus Snape, and Star Sapphire try and finish this fight. Without warning though, both Sirius and Severus are blasted hard with some deadly evil magic courtesy of Loki, who thus far had stayed out of the battle. He then calls down Bronze Dragon #20 who zaps Iron Fist with a massive bolt of lightning, and kills him. USAgent then launches his shield up into the air and takes the head off of the Bronze Dragon. Ben Skywalker and Cade Skywalker then both move seamlessly through the burning forest Ben is able to strike down USAgent who is defenseless against the lightsaber without his shield, which is still flying through the air. Star Sapphire is able to easily destroy Sonny, with her Star Sapphire gem. Cade Skywalker then starts leaping from burning branch to burning branch, trying to get to the flying Star Sapphire. Ben Skywalker now faces Barry Sanders and Power Man both. Power Man punches Ben as hard as he can, but Ben is able to use the Force to absorb some of the impact. Barry then shocks everyone but abruptly retiring to the locker room, leaving Power Man by himself to face Ben Skywalker. Luke Cage rushes towards the Jedi, but Ben leaps back to his feet and drives his lightsaber deep into his chest. Star Sapphire continues to evade Cade, by simply flying faster than he can leap through the trees. Beta Ray Bill continues to battle Super Soldier high above the burning treetops. Beta Ray is gaining a slight advantage, but then Loki appears out of nowhere and lends Super Soldier in some much needed help. Beta Ray Bill is now forced to be on the defensive. Star Sapphire flies up and grabs a hold of Bill’s cape and pulls him back to fight another day.

GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS!