“Ok, I’m tired of waiting around for this lazy jackass to watch Universe Bowl V. I’ll do it myself,” the overly arrogant Real Man mumbles to himself as he floats through the cosmos. “Ah, here we go. The Death Star, and on it, Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches. Now…. Where is, oh there they are. Miley and Barack’s Commandos are all aboard Rama. Together their massive space stations almost resemble the sheer majesty that is Real Man’s enormous shaft and singular testicle. All great men have only one ball. Just ask Lance Armstrong. Now where was I? Oh yes, Dark Phoenix erupts from the Death Star and begins to wreak unholy….”
BANG BANG BANG…… “Eric?!? Are you in there? What are you doing?!? Stop playing with yourself and come up for dinner!” shouts a shrieking voice from the blackness of space.
Reality now rights itself, and we find “Real Man” sitting in his parent’s basement with one hand shoved deep inside his boxers and the other holding the mouse to his computer.
“MOM!!!! My name is Real Man, not Eric,” shouts Real Man as he continues the quick and extremely short strokes within his boxers.
“Sheeesssh. Ummmm.. ahh yes… Wreak unholy havoc upon Rama and the Commandos.”
There is now a real flash of cosmic energy within this musty, basement full of self-loathing. Real Man is knocked from his computer chair just as he climaxes, which causes it to splatter all over his “You must be looking in Alderaan places” t-shirt.
“Wha wha wha…” mumbles Real Man as he wipes himself off of his face.
“What the f*** do you think you’re doing?!?!” exclaims the cosmic entity that is standing before him. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. You shouldn’t have messed with powers that you couldn’t even possibly begin to understand. I would like to introduce you to a very special Immell that I have created for you. His name is Liberacday, and he’s the genetically spliced clone of Liberace and Doomsday. I’m going to leave you two to get better acquainted. I’ve got a Universe Bowl to watch.”
The cosmic being known as Ryatu then disappears in a flash of the same cosmic energy that he appeared in. Real Man is still curled up in a ball on the ground as the grunting, heaving monster known as Liberacday stomps his way closer to him. Ryatu has now rematerialized overlooking the Playoff Planet, yet he can still hear the squeals and screams from Real Man that echo through the universe. He then thinks to himself, “Ha, well I know who the Murderflies are Off-Listing next year.”
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11 comments:
Add me to the "Sans Testicles" club because I just laughed my balls off. SMACK
So Liberacday basically looks like this right?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:LiberaceChristmasCostume.jpg
only maybe just shades of blue-ish grey instead of red and white.
oh and more spikes, way more spikes.
faaaabulouuuus
Yes. Exactly like that. And yes, WAAAAY more spikes. Trust me, you won't want to get hit by his bony protrusion.
Shit just got real, man.
That was some funny shit.
I almost laughed a ball off as well.
Come on Real Man!! Don't back down now!! You don't have to take this crap from The Commish!! Stand up for yourself DAMMIT!!
Trust me, standing is going to be difficult for "Real Man." Have you seen the "size" of Liberacday?!?!
Real Man does not stoop to the level of other lesser mens' antics. I am Real Man. 'Nuff Said.
It's quiet.
A little too quiet...
I'm glad you are back Real Man. ... And The Universe Bowl still isn't up?...? Hmmm.
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