Season 6. Week 4: TEAM vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve

TEAM is: Red Son Superman, Manwe, Ulmo, Orome, Mandros, Gladiator Voltron, Sif, Fandral, Hogun, Volstaag, and Cock Sneak Goomba #5.
The Kennelz are: Phoenix 5(Cyclops, Emma Frost, Colossus, Magik, Namor), Black Lantern Galactus, Black Lantern Silver Surfer, Black Bolt w/Green Lantern ring and Mace Windu's lightsaber, Crystal, Gorgon, Maximus the Mad w/red lightsaber, Steel w/Blue Lantern ring, and Red Star.

I have been walking for what feels like hours because the FFL plane dropped me off in the middle of nowhere. I didn't even get a parka or anything. Haze the new guy. Very funny. But I have a few tricks of my own. I raise my hand to the heavens. Shazam! I awake hours later after being hit by a lightning bolt. I am somewhat warmer, but this burned toga smells awful. Geez. Did you guys even wash this thing before you gave it to me? After walking for another eternity, I happened upon the FFL watcher trailer that Neon Master Pogo ordered. I knock on the door. "What's the password?" asks Pogo. "Um, password? I thought that we Watchers help each other out. Let me in, I'm freezing." The door opens. "Thanks man, you're a life..." I am cut off by a kick to the balls. Pogo answers "Wrong password." and slams the door. I pass out from the intense pain.I have no idea how much more time has passed. I peek through a window in the trailer to find a clock, but all I see is that a****** Pogo asleep with his cigar still lit. I entertain the idea of waking him up, but the echoes of testicular trauma change my mind. Miles of ice come and go before I stumble upon Robimus Prime. His match is long over, but he remains standing in the Arctic, staring into the distance. "Robimus?! Hello? Little help? I'm having a little trouble finding my assignment. Could you point me in the right direction?" In the best robot voice I can imagine, it says "Awaiting orders. Standby." "Yeah, thanks Robimus. See you around." I reply, dismayed. I continue my trek and still hear Robimus repeating itself over and over. The endless ice is broken up by the sight of a raging battle. Unfortunately, I found myself in the middle of the Slaves verses The Horsemen war. If Joshatu finds me here, I'm fired for sure. I decided to follow Chuck Norris, as he is doing an awesome job remaining undetected. I stay close, until we both hear a snowspeeder racing behind us. Norris definitely avoids being hit. Me? Not so much. I mistime the jump and get creamed by the ass end of the snowspeeder. I hear John McClane chiding Anakin's piloting abilities. I am relieved that the strike propels me away from the match and the wrathful vengeance of Joshtu, but I'm also a little worried because I am now sailing through the air with no measure of control. Now that I think about it, this is the most comfortable I've been all day. I decide to enjoy the ride, until the side of an iceberg says otherwise. My frustration, along with my agony, convince me that this is a perfect time to pass out again. As I wake, my realistic dream of flying with eagles fades. I quickly notice that I am no longer in the Arctic. "I am Manwe. Welcome to the Halls of Mount Taniquetil." says a blue robed man, his staff adored in sapphires. "I have watched your tumultuous journey with interest and a small measure of joy." "Good to know that old gods enjoy physical comedy as much as anybody else, but I have to get to my match." I answer. Manwe replies "What will happen has happened, as it happens now. Rest." "Yeah. Great... Josh is going to be pissed." I mumble to myself. Manwe laughs. "You're odd, stranger. I have explained how you may execute your duties, yet you hesitate." "Good one, Manwe." I say. "Next time, try it in English." Again, Manwe grins. "All will be revealed to you, as long as you are willing to see. I have business with Iluvatar concerning creating the next world. Good luck Watcher." "Thanks, I think." I say, and begin to look through the endless library of tomes in the great hall. How about we fast forward to when I find what I'm looking for.
AHA! It's taken me decades, but I found it! This book has the tale of TEAM verses the Kennelz from season 6, week 4. I can still salvage this thing! Okay... Does anybody read Elven?
...

Finally, I have translated the story, although it has taken me decades more. They called me mad. MAD! I assure you, am NOT mad. Just pissed off beyond belief. Okay. No more waiting. I present to you... TEAM verses Michael Vickz Kennelz of Lurve!

TEAM is gathered on an iceberg, and they are waiting for a late quartet of Lord of the Rings first age gods, also known as Manwe, Ulmo, Orome, and Mandros, "I will wait no longer for these gods. They're very idea weakens the will of the people, and the collective itself!" explains Red Son Superman. "Do you know what we're up against?" asks Sif. "Tis the end of Earth itself." "Verily" adds Fandral. "The Flamebird is known even to the Asgardians." Hogun and Volstaag nod in agreement. "If it makes you feel better, I will look ahead. I don't see how it will change anything though. We will fight them and win. I will destroy any of these dogs myself". Red Son Superman boasts confidently. He uses his telescopic vision and super hearing to spy on the Kennelz. "Bozhe Moi..." he gasps.
The Kennelz have been hard at work. When you put this much god-like power in one room, things are bound to get a little loose. Phoenix 5 are repairing the damage done to the Arctic ice from previous previous battles. Black Lantern Galactus is constructing his planet eating machine as Black Lantern Silver Surfer stands guard. Black Lantern Galactus reasons that the sheer terror caused by planetary destruction would feed his Black Lantern ring, for now. The Phoenix 5 are not exactly happy about this, but decide to burn that bridge when they come to it. The Inhumans, along with Blue Lantern Steel and Red Star are arguing with one another. As usual, Maximus the Mad is stirring the pot. "This is our King? Our Liege stands impotent as our enemy lies short handed! Crystal, Gorgon, we have witnessed this many times in our long history together. I suppose it is a chance for our new friends to see it as well!" orates Maximus, pointing at Steel and Red Star. Maximus continues. "And all because Black Bolt bows to others. Can you imagine? Royalty kneeling to anyone? I would laugh if I wasn't so disgusted. Follow me to glory, while we still have a chance!" "Man has a point..." admits Steel. Black Bolt gives a stern gaze to Maximus, then wags his finger to the rest. He points in the direction of TEAM, which is currently bathed in a bright light. "So they are no longer short handed. Thank you for pointing out your inadequacy, my King." snaps Maximus.

Manwe, Ulmo, Orome, and Mandros arrive in a fashion suitable for old school gods, white lights and everything. They look upon their TEAMmates, studying them intently. They look upon Gladiator Voltron quizzicaly. "You're quite the contraption!" says Manwe, moving on to the Asgardians. "You are noble, but that may be your downfall on this day." continues Manwe, as the first age deities arrive before Red Son Superman. With a smirk, Superman dismisses Manwe. "Ha! "gods"." Manwe smiles back. "Ha! "Superman"." He studies the group further. "I believe this is the One! What say you, Mandros?" "He is indeed the One!" Mandros answers. "Very well, he shall go with you. I wish you luck." says Manwe.
Back at the Kennelz camp, Maximus' hold has swayed all of his group, except for Black Bolt and the cosmic beings. They approach the Phoenix 5, Black Lantern Galactus, and Black Lantern Silver Surfer. Maximus speaks for his group. "Enough of this! We must end this match now!" "Agreed!" shouts Ulmo as 3 of the LOTR deities appear suddenly. He crushes Magik with the ice around her. Orome also strikes with arrows straight through Emma Frost and Colossus' brains. Mandros is having trouble with Namor, but Orome shoots another holy arrow and Namor falls. Scott Summers absorbs the entire Phoenix Force from his downed teammates. "You are very foolish for so called gods." says Cyclops. "We were saving this world. Now you have doomed it." He lashes out with but a fraction of his power, destroying Ulmo and Orome with a blast of cosmic energy. Cyclops grabs Mandros by the neck. "Now you die, old god." Mandros responds "We all die, new god." Cyclops reduces reduces him to ashes. "Now to destroy this world. My allies will die, but we will win, and the cosmic balance will be restored." As Cyclops begins to envelop Earth with cosmic fire, the chosen One enters the battlefield. Cock Sneak Goomba #5 punches Black Bolt right in the junk. His scream destroys Black Lantern Galactus' machine which releases cosmic energy that reacts negatively with the Phoenix power. All are destroyed, along with Earth, except for Manwe, and me, your friendly neighborhood Watcher. Manwe's mythical eagles are flying us to Mount Taniquetil in the heavens. I am still quite dazed when I ramble "why me?" Manwe responds "Even gods cease to exist if there is no one to tell their tale."