Season 8 Week 6: John and Vader's House of Sith AIDS vs. The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse

The Grindhouse is: Prince Nuada, Mr. Wink, Magmar, Sandworm #12, Modulok, Rio Blast, David Koresh, Neo-Cymek #18, Triceratons #1-5, Hawk(w/Hellfire gun), Silver Age Blue Beetle, Man of Bats, Little Raven, Malekith the Accursed, Kurse, Fedayeen Assassin #1, Sand Troopers #6-9, and Sand Troopers #21-25.

The AIDShouse is: Hayt, Gurney Halleck, Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen, Moneo Atreides, Lady Margot Fenring, Marie Fenring, Duncan Idaho Ghola #12 (Mentat)(w/purple lightsaber), Aron the Rogue Watcher, The Brain, Monsieur Mallah, General Immortus, Garguax, Madam Rouge, The Chief, Robotman, Negative Man, Elasti-Woman, Mento, Ambush Bug, Shrapnel, Anakin Skywalker, Ahsoka Tano, King Ghidora, Fire Bros #7-9, and Kree Soldiers #38-44.

The sun was blazing over World 2 of Yume Koujo Doki Doki Panic (That means "Dream-something-or-other heartbeat-sound...panic"). Not the cool mobile sun with the angry face, just the regular one; that's a different Mario game completely. In fact, this isn't a Mario game at all. You can tell because instead of Mario there's a guy with a turban, and instead of red shells there are racially insensitive blackface heads buried in the ground for some reason. Beside one of the desert's pyramids, The Grindhouse had stopped to cool down. "So you're a prince, then? Who is your king?" Malekith asked Nuada. Nuada waved his hands as though to physically dispel the notion. "No, no, see, I usurped the throne from my father, King Balor. Now I'm the Nuada formerly known as Prince. The ugly guy with the giant robot fist over there is my good friend Mr. Wink." Malekith pointed to Kurse, adding "That guy over there is MY good... well, I guess he's more of a thrall or a bodyguard, really, but he's basically the only person I hang out with. We should all get together some time, though, do you like musical theater? Just a few weeks ago on the Streets of Rage, we-". Before the opening dialogue could get any worse, a tremendous gust blew through and pushed several smaller members of The Grindhouse to the ground. When the cloud of stirred-up sand settled, Aron the Rogue Watcher was seen flying high above the pyramid riding King Ghidora, the source of the windstorm. "Hate to break up the double date, Legolas, but I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be wrecking your team today." As soon as Neo-Cymek #18 began to leap for the duo, Aron gave it a glance and it began to rapidly disassemble, falling to the ground in a heap of scrap metal. "Don't get too eager to die, we've got a whole match ahead of us." Aron opened a handful of time-space rifts around the Grindhouse before disappearing in to one himself, and as his team poured out the action began.

In reaction to the sudden danger, Rio Blast and Hawk opened fire on the portals. With little explanation on Aron's master plan, their enemy was unaware they would be dumped so close to their targets. This flaw in Aron's planning proved fatal to quite a few of his allies; The Chief, Negative Man, Ambush Bug, and Garguax were shot, ignited, and shot some more by Hawk's Hellfire, while Madam Rogue and The Brain were shot by Rio. General Immortus began to strategize for The Brotherhood but his immortality and tactical skill failed to stop Sandworm #12 from swallowing him from beneath. In his place, a furious Mallah was the first to retaliate after losing Brian Brain, picking up Hawk and chucking him at Rio with bone-snapping force before going ape (pause for laughter, hear crickets) on the Sand Troopers with help from the Fire Bros. Across the battlefield, Hayt and Duncan Idaho Ghola #12 were finishing driving the Triceratons to extinction when the wheels in #12's mentat mind started turning, and he realized that right about then would be a great time for Mr. Wink to rupture his everything with a fist-launch to the ribs. As Wink retracted his bloody knuckles, the focus of the Dune crowd shifted to Wink and the pair of Elves that were now assaulting them. Wink's brute force couldn't hold up to Feyd's dexterity and the last thing he saw was the flash of a blade entering his eye. Nuada and Malekith, on the other hand, were dispatching combatants with ease, all the while disparaging the gall the humans showed in calling themselves nobility. Feyd attempted to backstab Malekith, but Malekith turned to mist and Feyd fell through him only to meet Nuada's spear. Kurse, meanwhile, had been single handedly taking on the group of Kree Soldiers as each one found it equally difficult to break through his living armor. As he crushed the skull of the final Kree, he felt pain for the first time in the battle and looked down to see a lightsaber protruding from his chest, an unpleasant surprise from Anakin Skywalker. Not quite ready to accept his face, he swung a heavy fist around behind himself, hitting the adjacent Ahsoka Tano rather than his intended target before he clattered to the ground. Modulok had arranged himself into a sort of large, many-legged mount for David Koresh, who was doing little more than shouting self-praise as Modulok made an attempt on Elasti-Woman's life. She found him to be an easy opponent, however, and she pulled his limbs apart, stretching and twisting her own limbs around them to prevent reassembly. David Koresh tried to wrestle some parts out of her grip, but his efforts were stopped by Anakin's lightsaber.

As Magmar melted down Robotman, Aron's portal reopened above the pyramid and he emerged still riding Ghidora, holding a Big Gulp and a tray of nachos. He threw back his head and let loose an impatient groan loud enough to draw the attention of everyone still present. "Are you kidding me right now, Daveatu? If it was ME watching the match we would've been out of here fully intact like 4 paragraphs ago." Sandworm #12 emerged once more and tried to snatch Aron from the air, and was destroyed by an impossible volume of liquid poured from the Big Gulp cup. "You need me to show you how to do it? Fine!" Under each remaining member of the Grindhouse, the sand became loose, turning to quicksand and sucking them under the surface. In moments the sand erupted into the air in the shape of a hand flipping the bird. Ghidora breathed a flame from each mouth and turned the sand to glass, revealing in one finger each the entombed bodies of Blue Beetle, Man of Bats, Little Raven, Nuada, and Malekith for the middle finger. "That's how you do it."