Season 8: Week 6: The Royal Highness vs Beckermans Backyardigans Beeyatches

Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s Beeyatches are General Zod, White Lantern Kyle Rayner, Darth Vader, Lord Helspont, Sentinel Prime, Red Lantern Hal Jordan, Oblivion, Thane, Sandworm #7, Kung Lao, Kree Soldier’s #8-17.

The Royal Highness is Apocalypse, Paul Atreides, Atreides Soldier #15-19, Sandworm #1A & #3B, The Scorpion King, Rick O’Connell, Evie O’Connell, Jeannie & Major Nelson in a Orinthopter, Mumm-Ra, Mutt, Golden Age Blue Beetle, Ursa, Sydney Bristow, Sandstorm, Roger Rabbit in a Podracer, Jedi Guardian #3, Jedi Padawan #37 & Little Goomba’s #26-33.

The screams of Roger Rabbit are heard as a Podracer crashes into a nearby mountain surrounded by a never-ending sea of sand.

Evie O’Connell: I told you the rabbit was a bad call for the Podracer.

Rick O’Connell: Oh of course you and Sydney are always right. All I said was don’t count the little guy out.

Evie: But you do admit now honey that he was in fact a foolish choice for that machine.

Rick: I think Roger just needed more time with the machine, he usually catches on pretty quick when it comes to just about anything.

Evie: (With a blustered look on her face) Well of course you can’t admit you are wrong. You are a man after all.

Rick: Look; all I am saying is that with a little practice I think the little guy would be just fine with that racer.

Sydney Bristow: If you two could stop arguing for a moment, maybe you could give the rest of us a hand with what is going on.

Evie: Of course Sydney, whatever you need.

Rick: Oh you do what she asks you to do, of course.

Sydney: All I’m saying is that while you two are fighting about some silly little rabbit in a ship that is impossible to drive, our team is engulfed a brutal fight.

Evie: Can you for one moment think of something other then yourself Rick? Honestly, all Sydney is asking of us is to do is our job.

Rick: Honey, is the job you are talking about the job that makes the both of us do exactly what Sydney asks us to do? Cause if that is the job, I don’t seem to remember getting hired for that particular position.

Sydney: Oh wow Evie, you were not kidding when you called him the embodiment of the Male Ego.

Rick: Oh so now you are telling Syd about our relationship? I guess I am just too much of a man for you. I didn’t realize you liked to play for both sides honey? Are you planning on bringing Sydney into our relationship too? (Pauses) Cause actually, I am not completely opposed to this idea.

Evie: My word Rick, in all of my life I have never met…

Rick: A more beautiful specimen, I know, blah blah blah, I’m gorgeous. But enough about me, when exactly are you free Sydney to come over next, cause I think we are both free right now.

Sydney: Well I mean, if you are okay with this Evie…

Evie: No. No, no, no, no, no. The both of you. NO.

Jedi Guardian #3: Hey, if you three are not too busy doing whatever it is you are doing, we are getting our butts kicked over here. It is hard to say who is still alive, but we are getting massacred out here. Oblivion stole Hal’s Red Lantern ring and, well, it has not been going good since then.

Rick: Oh he stole another guy’s ring, how about having your wife steal your manhood every time you take a breath. Maybe your brother was right honey.

Evie: What is that supposed to mean?

Rick: Oh you know what I am talking about. It seems that whenever there isn’t a Mummy around for me to protect you from, you don’t seem to appreciate anything that I have to do for you.

Evie: Please explain to me what exactly it is that you do for me Rick.

Sydney: Maybe I should get out of here.

Rick: Oh no Sydney, you are part of this now too, just like my loving wife wants it.

Evie: I do not want to bring Sydney into this.

Rick: (Laughing to himself) Oh sure honey, now she is just an innocent bystander. Who else have you been talking to about our marriage? (Looks at the Jedi Guardian) You, come here. I am sure you are more then well versed in our relationship at this point.

Jedi Guardian #3: Look, trust me when I say I have never met any of you before in my life. I just want to try and survive this match any way possible.

Rick: Forget this match man; if you want to survive at all please stay as far away from my loving wife as you can.

Evie: You are such an ass Rick. I cannot believe I ever thought you would change. You are still the same piggish man who kissed me just because he thought it was a good idea at the time.

Rick: I was being hanged for Christ sake. I am so sorry that my last wish on this planet was to kiss the most beautiful creature I had ever laid my eyes on.

Evie: (Blushing) Most beautiful creature on the planet. Do you really mean that?

Rick: Of course I do honey. I mean, if I had known what else what attached to that beauty I might have serious reservations about that kiss but…

Evie: A pig till the end of course.

Jedi: So are we going to go fight or what?

Rick: Hell yes we are going to fight, but not before I spend some quality time with my wife.

Evie: Oh Rick.

Sydney: I am guessing I am not part of this anymore?

Rick: Well I mean, I suppose it is up to Evie.

Evie: Oh shut up Rick and kiss me.

Rick and Evie kiss passionately.

Then all four of them are torn apart completely by the Red plasma from Oblivion’s Red Lantern Ring.

In fact, almost everything has been torn apart at this point. The sand is actually missing from the desert. There is nothing left but an ugly brown cracked ground. Well that and a lot of dead bodies.

Sandworms. All Dead.

Zod and Ursa. Dead.

Well okay, let’s do it this way.

Apocalypse and Paul Atreides are still alive.

Kyle Rayner, Red Lantern Oblivion & Darth Vader are still alive.

This must be brought to attention; Kyle Rayner does not like Oblivion. Like, he really does not like Oblivion. He dislikes him so much that he has been fighting against him since he stole the ring from Hal Jordan. Not that it has mattered much. Oblivion came up with the idea of taking Hal’s ring after watching Hal fry Jeannie & Major Nelson. He saw the fear in their eyes and could not help himself. He needed that power for himself, so he took it.

In regards to power in this match, Thane has proven himself to be very capable of ending many lives at once, including his own. Every single one of the Sandworm’s, all five Atreides soldiers, Sentinel Prime, Kung Lao, you get the idea. He was all supercharged with his left hand and the next thing you knew, a lot of people were dead. Well dead enough.

Which leaves us with only a few, though those few are nothing to scoff at.

Well at least I didn’t think so but I suppose with great power comes a greater ability to destroy creatures that should be putting up a better fight.

Paul Atreides may have the sight on Arrakis, but this sure isn’t Arrakis and despite his powers, he sure wasn’t able to stop Oblivion from ripping him apart. Ripping apart people seems to be Oblivion’s favorite past time as he set’s his sight’s on Apocalypse next. Normally I would expect Apocalypse to put up a fight, especially considering he is the only remaining member of his team left, but not this time. He just stared the Red Lantern obsessed lunatic right in the eyes and stayed calm as he was slowly torn away to nothing.

Darth Vader: That was far too easy.

Oblivion: (Laughing) You may consider what I have done to be easy. I just consider it…Fun.

In an instant, Oblivion himself is blown to red dust as his red lantern ring drops to the ground. The newly reformed Apocalypse laughs himself and sets his sights on the White Lantern carrying Kyle Rayner.

Darth Vader: I told you it was too easy.

Apocalypse warps reality in the desert to make it appear as if Kyle Rayner is nothing but a struggling artist, without a power to speak of. Luckily for Kyle, his fellow teammate is also well versed in the power of persuasion as Vader ignites his light saber, gently levitates it in front of himself and with all of the power of the dark side, sends the laser sword into the back of the head of En Sabah Nur, sending him once again to the grave yard.

Kyle Rayner: Thanks Darth, never saw that coming.

Darth Vader: Thanks for underestimating me Kyle, I am the dark lord of the Sith after all.

Kyle Rayner: Well yeah, I know that. Still though, I went from being an all-powerful White Lantern to thinking I was completely powerless, with no hope of survival.

Darth Vader: That is because you are weak Rayner. You must figure out a way to not be such a crybaby.

Kyle Rayner: Thanks, I guess.

Darth Vader: Do not mention it Kyle, I am sure it will not be the last time I have to save your life in this league.

Kyle Rayner: Hey, I do have a full spectrum ring you know.

Darth Vader: That you do Kyle and in the end, a half machine, half man with only one actual appendage had to save you. So, good for you and your ring, I hope it helps you more with your next drawing then it does with our next match. Pussy.

Kyle Rayner: Dick.

Just then, Apocalypse reforms and…I’m just kidding. The match is over.