David Byrne's Meat Suits Vs. The Sigmaz

 David Byrne's Meat Suits are The Watchmen:  The Comedian, Night Owl, Silk Spectre (w/ a purple lightsaber), Ozymandias, & Rorshach (w/ an orange lightsaber), Galactus w/ His herald David Byrne (w/ Gloom Sword), Scarlet Witch & Quicksilver, Trogdoor the Burninator, Unalq, Desna, Eska, Bolin, Maku, Pabu, Hal Jordan, The Noid, Freddy Kruegar, Gobo, Red, Wembley, Mokey, Boober, Uncle Traveling Matt, Mick Foley, & Dark Side Marauder #1-5.

The Sigmaz are Volodamir Zelensky, Reflector: Spectro, Spyglass, & Viewfinder, Mechanek, Stratos, Elita One, Powerglide, Radahn, Robot Sonic, Asura, Tai Lung, The Terminator(3), Hellboy, King Randor, King Hiss, Odin, & Sigrun.

   What's good Slime?!!?  It's everybody's favorite Watcher here, The Neon Master Pogo.  Coming at you from Escanaba in the daylight; but that Sun in the distance sure isn't doing much to warm this place up.  I'm freezing my buns of steel off and I haven't even got this flaming turd started yet.  These teams are way too cold for strategy and game plans and just decide to get the fighting started.  A guy's gotta do something to keep warm.  

 I thought I would start this match out with Sigrun squaring off against Uncle Traveling Matt, because I didn't have any idea who either one of them were.  Then I looked them both up and remembered that I know exactly who Uncle Traveling Matt is and that I really need to go back and watch Fraggle Rock again as an adult because that character bops, and me being the terrible Watcher that I am probably should have based this entire match on that character discovering The Upper Peninsula of Michigan and writing back to his nephew Gobo about it.  So, I started to formulate this whole process in my head and then decided that I should look up Sigrun next to find out how the story goes from there; but as it turns out Sigrun is actually super powerful and Uncle Traveling Matt definitely can't hang with her 1 V. 1 and I am not about to erase all the stuff I just wrote; so we will go with Sigrun one shotting him instead.  These next cats though, I know are total dawgs in an arctic setting and they are teaming up with some other peeps from Avatar.  Unalaq, Desna, Eska, are with Bolin, Mako, & Pabu and are doing all kinds of cool stuff against Odin, who everybody who doesn't even have wikipedia knows is like super powerful and stuff; but that doesn't stop them from doing all kinds of things against the guy who gave birth to Thor.  Well, he didn't really give birth to him, his wife did most of the work; but he was totally involved in the process if you know what I mean.  And when I say they are doing a lot of cool stuff and moves and such to Odin, I really mean it.  Like the whole kit and kaboodle of fight moves.  Like the really good type of fight moves too.  At one point Unalaq even stood up and was like "Hey kids, let's kill this guy" and he was a really tough guy, "before he kills us".  Which is a really bold thing to say about a god from Norse mythology, especially the god who is supposed to be in charge of all the other gods.  But instead Odin, was like "Hey.....  I heard him say "Hey"......  I'm still a really powerful god here and I don't really care how good you are all supposed to be in this setting, I'm still gonna kill you before you kill me.  So he did.  And then King Hiss bit Boober.  Not beause he was a heterosexual and thought about how much he like boobs or boobers in this case; but because he is a snake.  And Hellboy, even though he is a good guy now and doesn't really like to talk about how he is from Hell.  And to tell you the truth he would rather you didn't talk about it either.  And if you do he would rather you just talk about it to people saying that they shouldn't talk about it.  Use discretion is how he would have put it.  He didn't say it that way though, that's just how I said it, because he is from Hell and they don't really use nice words like that all that often, but I do up here where I wasn't born in Hell.  Anyway, being from Hell; and also now being a good guy, Hellboy isn't supposed to really laugh at people like Wembley when their guts fly all over the place after they have been punched into goo by a huge fist; but that was the problem.  Because Hellboy still did laugh about it and he realizes that he should probably feel bad about it, but he doesn't and he really shouldn't have to.  This is a deathmatch after all and it is what everyone was sent here to do.  The Terminator from Terminator 3 is just like the terminators from the first two movies but he is older and more experienced because as it turns out he has already been in two other Terminator movies before he was in the third one.  So this Terminator, the third one that is decides that he is going to fight against all five of the dark side marauders.  Now a dark side marauder is really tough, but did you know that there is something even tougher than a dark side marauder.  I do.  It's two dark side marauders.  But actually, there is something even tougher than two dark side marauders.  That would be three dark side marauders.  And as it would turn out there is even something tougher than three dark side marauders.  Do you know what that would be??  WRONG.  It is four dark side marauders and I have a feeling that you had something else in mind.  Oh.  You didn't??  I'm not sure I believe that.  But I do believe this.  I do believe this and that thing I believe is that there is something even more powerful than four dark side marauders.  That thing that I believe is more powerful than four dark side marauders is five dark side marauders.  There is another thing out there that is even more powerful than five dark side marauders.  Does anyone know what it is??  Did someone just say six dark side marauders??  Well, that isn't it.  What are you stupid or something??  It is a Terminator.  The one from Terminator 3.  Tai Lung was wondering if he was quicker than silver or as witchy as Scarlet; but it turned out that he wasn't.  I don't know if you know this but he is from Kung Fu Panda and he isn't even a panda.  He does like snow; but he was no match for a witch that was Scarlet and a silver that was quick.  Asura wanted to take this conversation, this story, this periodical to a different level.  To a more serious level.  A level of seriousness that this serious match deserves.  So Asura decided to take on Galactus who is a very serious character.  But instead Galactus used his cosmic powers, because his powers are very cosmic and he made a bunch of very serious and very cosmic poop in a very serious and very cosmic diaper and put it on Asura's face.  It was a diaper.  And you know what diapers are like don't you??  They have poop in them.  And they smell.  At least most poop I have run into smells.  Hasn't that been your experience with poop too.  It's smelly.  Elita One, Powerglide, and Robot Sonic are all robots.  You wouldn't know it by their names except for Robot Sonic.  In his case he puts the fact that he is a robot right in his name.  His name is Robot Sonic.  He doesn't just go by Sonic.  He lets you know he is a robot version.  They decide that they are gonna get in a fight.  Or their central processors or whatever decide for them.  Because they're robots.  They have robot brains.  Not human ones.  Robots.  So, anyway these fellas, robot fellas decide that they are gonna pick a fight with The Watchmen.  Do you know about them.  They were in a movie and comic book.  And they are really edgy.  Which is what the kids like these days.  It's almost all of The Watchmen, but they don't have Dr. Manhattan.  And the problem with not having Dr. Manhattan on your Watcmen team is that he is actually the best one; so when they try to fight a bunch of big robots, they don't do very good.  In fact they do kind of bad.  They actually lose.  Then there was this guy Radahn.  Now I went to Wikipedia to look him up and says this.  It says.  Well, it says the following.  It says this, it says that Radahn, yeah this guy Radahn is a powerful demigod.  It says he is also known as the "Lord of the battlefield".  That quite a thing to say.  It also says he is the "Starscourge".  It says that because he has a mastery of gravity magic which he used to halt the stars movement.  It says he is the son of Rennala and Radagon, he is a tragic figure you see who was once celebrated warrior who became a mindless beast yet still commands immense respect and power even in his weakened state.  It says that he is famous for his massive size, his loyal steed.  This fella by the name of Leonard and his iconic Starscourge Greatswords.  Not just swords, but great swords.  They are a lot like regular swords but a lot more great.  It says all that ya see.  But Radahn, this guy Radahn, remember him that I just told you all those things about he was no match for Hal Jordan, especially when this fella Hal, was teamed up with his friend Freddy.  I call him Freddy because we go way back, but with his surname included he goes by Freddy Kruegar.  Now that Radahn fella that I says all that stuff about was no match for Hal and Freddy ya see. Because Fred had some sharp claws and Hal had a ring.  A green one.  On their hands ya see.  Red and Mokey were hanging out together but they aren't very big.  Ya see they are a thing called a Fraggle.  Fraggles are quite little.  Just little guys named fraggles.  They ran into a couple of tough hombres by the name of Stratos and Mechaneck.  Now those may seem like unusual names to you and me; but they are from Eternia.  Yeah.  It's a place called Eternia and when you're on Eternia names like Mechanek and Stratos are like Bill and Jim.  They grow em pretty big on Eternia too and when they go to fight against those fraggles we were talking about.  You remember those fraggles we were talking about.  Well, they win the fight ya see.  There was also this fella named Reflector; but ya see this fella named Reflector was actually made up of three gentlemen who go by the names Spectro, Spyglass, and Viewfinder.  They meet up with this guy Mick Foley who starts bashing his face into the side of their metal bodies to get himself all bloody, because it wouldn't be Mick Foley if he wasn't all bloody.  But the problem with too much blood loss is that it can kill ya.  And that's what happened to that Mick fella.  He died.  Volodamir Zelensky was there too.  Remember that guy from the news a while back.  He was the guy who didn't have a suit, but he used to dress up like he was one of those homos.  He is from a place call The Ukraine and I guess over there, over by Russia over there in this place called The Ukraine they have a lot of homos.  They wear a lot of black chaps and stuff that shows off their butts.  Because they're homos.  He was supposed to be a big part of this match before I decided to go a different route with it.  He was gonna blow up Trogdoor the Burninator, who is actually a dragon.  But he was gonna blow up that Trogdoor fella with all the weapons that he got from The United States; but I think they all got used up in Iran before he could do that; so he didn't.  Or actually we will say he did blow that dragon up because the media lies to us.  You know those politicians they are all liars.  Like that Bill Clinton fella.  Remember him??  He said he didn't have sexual relations with that woman; but as it turned out, he did actually have sexual relations with her.  That Zelensky fella ended up dying in that bomb too; but what he didn't do was have sexual relations with a woman.  Because he was from this place called The Ukraine.  And they are all homos there.  King Randor fought with The Noid which many of you might not think would be a great fight; but as it turns out they both had really big hammers.  Randor actually had the smaller hammer; but he had the bigger muscles which answers the age old question.  That famous adage that big muscles are better than big hammers.  Remember that Odin fella??  Well, he is still here and he isn't done fighting with other fellas from that other team.  So, he decides to take on that guy Hal, and his friend, that other guy Fred.  You remember him don't cha??  And that girl Scarlet and that fella Silver.  That fella Silver is that chick Scarlet's brother as it turns out.  I don't know if I mentioned that earlier.  Well, anyway Odin decides he is gonna take all four of them on at once.  That would be a tough thing to do I he were like you or me; but he isn't.  He is one of those gods.  Not like the real God or anything, we are talking a bout a god with a small g, not the God with a big G.  While he is doing that Galactus decides that he is going to fight all those robots we mentioned earlier.  Do you remember all those robots.  Well in case you don't there were several robots that we mentioned earlier.  Well, in case you forgot there was that fella named Reflector who was really three fellas by the names of Spectro, Spyglass, and Viewfinder.  And there were those other robot fellas by the names of, well they went by the names of Elita One, Powerglide, The Terminator, and then there was that fella named Robot Sonic.  Now, I don't think I need to remind you about Robot Sonic and I don't think I need to remind you that Robot Sonic was a Robot.  Ya see, that was a fella who was nice enough to put the robot part right into his name.  Now these robot fellas couldn't quite take out Galactus but they did do a number on his pal David.  David Byrne was his full Christian name.  And he had a thing called a Gloom Sword.  Not a doom sword, because he didn't bring Doom with it, he brought Gloom.  Those robots were big and strong.  Much bigger and stronger than us flesh and blood fellas ya see.  They were robots after all.  Those robots made short work of that Dave fella.  Odin wasn't able to take down that foursome of tough guys that he took on either; but Silver and Fred didn't make it out ya see. Which left some of those Eternians we mentioned earlier.  You remember the Eternians don't ya??  They were the fellas from Eternia.  And they were hanging out with Sigrun and Hellboy who were some pretty tough hombres as well.  

But ya see, none of that is all that important.  I was just telling you that to lead up to the real story I came here to tell.  Ya see, this is a story about a fella I met named Gobo.  Kind of a silly sounding name for someone like me or you; but ya see this wasn't a fella like me or you.  This is a different kind of fella.  A fella by the name of Gobo.  Ya see Gobo, this fella named Gobo.  Ya see he was a Fraggle.  And Fraggles aren't like you and me.  And this Fraggle, well this fella who was a fraggle he had a mission.  It was a mission from the fantasy fantasy league to take out this whole team of fellas called The Sigmaz.  And this was gonna be a tough mission, because the Sigmaz, yeah these fella who call themselves The Sigmaz are a tough bunch of mother scratchers.  At least that is what I call tough guys, I don't know what you call them.  So these Mother Scratchers called the Sigmaz they were probably gonna be ready for a fight when this fella Gobo, my friend Gobo who I had done some talking with showed up for the fight.  So Gobo, that Fraggle fella set out for quite a journey.  A journey that was especially large for suh a small fella, because the thing about a fella like Gobo is that he is really small.  He's a small fella, but that is pretty common for fellas who are fraggles.  Fraggles are all small fellas.  At least the ones I have met.  So, anyway as the match begins Gobo makes his way through the frozen tundra of Escanaba.  This place isn't always frozen it actually gets pretty warm during the Summer, which is what Summers tend to do as I understand it; but  this is winter and winters are cold.  Especially in Escanaba, and especially for a fella that isn't very large.  Like a fraggle.  They don't have much body fat to keep them warm because he is small ya see.  Fraggles are small.  And this Gobo fella is Fraggle.  So, Gobo starts running.  Because he wants to get to the battle fast, and the fastest way to get to a battle like this is to run.  So, Gobo shows up to the battle; but as it turns out the battle is already over.  I guess Gobo was too late for the battle ya see.  Gobo missed the whole damn battle.  

Which brings me to the moral of this story which is simple.  If you want to get somewhere on time, you should not have really small legs.