“Civilization is unbearable, but it is less unbearable at the top.”
-Timothy Leary
I look to the teams during this Week 6 Match on the Playoff Planet. They are as follows:
Hayley's Comets: Kid Deadpool, Lady Deathstrike, Daredevil, Sandworms #9 and 13, Arachne, The Blob, Hannibal King, Cable, Hordak (w/ a Yellow Power Ring), Jedi Master #40, Reverse Flash, Predator #50, Nexu #5, Terminator #38, Xenomorph #54, Neo-Cymek #19, Cybertronian Guardian #8, Dementors #6 and 9, Vigo the Carpathian, Sith Lords #19 and 20, 4-Lom and Zuckuss, Acklay #3, Riik #2, Junkeons #15 and 16, Ash (w/ Mandalorian Armor), Jiggly Puff, Wiggly Tuff, Mew, Mewtoo, Diglet, Blastois, Grottle, Wartortle, Infernape, Dialga, Palkia, Rayquazza, Regirock, Empoleon, Prinplup, Piplup, Drago, Sebulba in a B-Wing, Weirdwolf and Monzo, Duncan Idaho Ghola #10, Waluigie, Count Hasmir Fenring, Force Adept #6, Krayt Dragon #4, The Justice Force: Silver Sentry, Ananda, Metal Head, Chrysalis, Tsunami, Nobody, Raptarr, Nano, Green Mantle and Boomerang, The Defenders of the Earth: Flash Gordon, The Phantom, Mandrake the Magician, Lothar, Lothar Jr., Rick Gordon, Jedda Walker, Kshin and Zuffy, The Thunderbolts: Songbird, Radioactive Man, Swordsman, Mister X, Headsman and Ghost, The Marauders: Scalphunter, Arclight, Malice, Harpoon, Prism, Riptide, Scrambler, & Vertigo, The Shining Force (Unpromoted Version (all 25 characters)), The Ninja Tribunal: Kon-Shisho, Judo-Shisho, Chikara-Shisho and Hisomi-Shisho, The Pet Avengers: Throg, Redwing, Hairball and Ms. Lion, Tech Net: Stryker, Cyblade, Ripclaw, Velocity, Ballistic, Heatwave and Impact, The Loonatics: Ace Bunny, Lexi Bunny, Danger Duck, Slam Tasmanian, Tech E. Coyote and Rev Runner, The Reavers: Body Bag, China Doll, Elmo, Ferro, Ferro 2, Joyboy, Numbers, Ring Toss, Scatterbrain, Thug, Waxworks, Yap, Hard-boiled, Donald Pierce, Pretty Boy, Bonebreaker, Skullbuster, Cole, Macon and Reese, The Hive Five: Jinx, Gizmo, Mammoth, See-More and Private Hive, Trigon, Halk Karr, Omac, 8-Ball w/ 6-Ball, 9-Ball and 11 Ball in 8-Ball's Ship, Zombie Arisia, Zombie Polaris, Catarine Towani, Jeremitt Towani, Mace Towani and Cindel Towani, Doozer #3, Watchdogs #1-10 and Ewok #76.
P.M.S. is Freddy Krueger (w/ a yellow power ring), Jack Sparrow, The Leprechaun, The Beast, The Sentry, Judge Dredd, IG-88 in a B-Wing, Fizzle, M. Bison, Blue Beetle, Black Dragon #12, Johnny Rico, Ookla the Mok, Blue Devil, Spawn, Chun Li, Predator #47, Xenomorph #51, Balrog #2, The Peach, Assassin X, Major Maxim, Natalia Kassle, J.C., Secret Agent Zero, Deuce, Silicon Valerie, Scott Pilgrim, Ramona Flowers, Wallace Wells, Knives Chau, Stephen Stills, Kim Pine, Sydney Savage, Magnetic Kid, Abbey Chase, Armor, M.O.D.O.T., Christine (the car), Dick Trickle, Naytiri, Sam Whitwicky, Pixie, Typhoid Mary, Terra, The Guild of Drundel Dorks: Dr. Boom Boom Pow, Evette, Arjhan Darkscale, Groudious Maximus and Bagwa, The Candy Land Crew: The Gingerbread People #1-3, Mr. Mint (w/ a blue lightsaber), Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice (w/ a blue lightsaber) and Gloppy the Molasses Monster, Captain Nathan Bridger, Lucas Wolenczak, Dr. Westphalen, Commander Jonathan Ford, Lt. Benjamin Krieg, Chief Manilow Crocker, Lt. Tim O'Neill, Lt. James Brody, Dagwood, Darwin and Seaman Anthony Piccolo, and the dudes from Tropic Thunder: Kirk Lazarus, Jeff Portnoy, Kevin Sandusky, Alpa Chino and Tugg Speedman..
Let the battle begin. . . and the adventures of Ewok #76. . .
Space-Inside Space Station
Predator #47 slowly searches for its prey. It locates 4-Lom and Zuckuss. Predator #47 becomes invisible with its cloaking device and stands behind Zuckuss. The small Gand bounty hunter is impaled by the Predator’s wrist claw. The Predator lifts the mortally wounded Zuckuss off the floor and throws him down. Before 4-Lom can react to his partner’s death, Judge Dredd moves behind the bounty hunter and fires. 4-Lom’s body spasms and falls to the floor. Predator #47 joins Dredd as they stealthily move through the halls.
The Leprechaun also roams the hallways (as he did in “Leprechaun 4”). He meets Jedi Master #40. The Jedi Master uses the force to throw the Leprechaun across the way. The Leprechaun lands near an entry portal. The diminutive trickster slowly ties his shirt tails to the ladder adjoining the door and punches the portal button. Jedi Master #40 is sucked into space where he freezes and dies. The Leprechaun punches the button again and the doorway seals shut.
Leprechaun: Never mess with. . . the Leprechaun!
M.O.D.O.T. faces The Defenders of the Earth: Flash Gordon, The Phantom, Mandrake the Magician, Lothar, Lothar Jr., Rick Gordon, Jedda Walker, Kshin, and Zuffy. Since M.O.D.O.T. is only meant for talking, he attempts to bargain for his survival with the Defenders. While the Defenders pay attention to M.O.D.O.T., Predator #47, Judge Dredd, the Leprechaun and Blue Beetle (who has entered the fray) attack the Defenders. Since the Defenders are taken completely off guard, they are slaughtered.
Zombie Polaris senses the deaths of her teammates on the space station and uses all of her abilities to force the station to crash into the Playoff Planet. Although she knows that it will mean her death, she realizes that for the greater good of her team, her sacrifice will be worth it. The station begins to plummet from space. Ewok #76, who has been hiding in a compartment, jumps out of the modular area and rushes to the station’s only life pod. He waves goodbye to his teammate. The station crashes into the planet and explodes. Zombie Polaris is killed, as is M.O.D.O.T., Blue Beetle, the Leprechaun, Judge Dredd and Predator #47.
Space-Outside
Ewok #76’s life pod passes by the battle occurring in space. IG-88 in a B-Wing and Freddy Krueger with a yellow power ring are in a pitched battle against Hordak with a yellow power ring and Sebulba in a B-Wing. The B-Wings enter into a dogfight with one another. Although Sebulba is an excellent pilot, he cannot match the Holowan Lab assassin droid’s intricate skills and perfect synch with his vehicle. IG-88 bests Sebulba and shoots down the Dug and his fighter. Meanwhile, Krueger faces Hordak. The two characters are evenly matched as the dream warrior fights against the technological villain. While the two fight with their rings, Krueger moves in close with his claws and attempts to rip at Hordak’s mask. Hordak’s chest opens up and launches the buzz-saw weapon stored there. The saw rips into Krueger. Krueger’s ring protection wanes as does Krueger’s life. Hordak takes advantage of the situation and his arm becomes an energy cannon. The cannon tears into Krueger and Krueger dies. IG-88 flies his ship at Hordak. Hordak uses his other arm as a mechanical rotor blade. The turbulence whips IG-88’s ship around. Hordak then fires his arm cannon and destroys the ship and robot. At the end of the battle, Hordak notices Ewok #76’s ship. Hordak uses his power ring to guide Ewok #76’s shuttle to safety.
Water Region
The life pod shoots over the water region of the planet. In the water, Captain Nathan Bridger, Lucas Wolenczak, Dr. Westphalen, Commander Jonathan Ford, Lt. Benjamin Krieg, Chief Manilow Crocker, Lt. Tim O'Neill, Lt. James Brody, Dagwood, Seaman Anthony Piccolo, Darwin and Jack Sparrow wait for an enemy to show itself. No one comes. . .
Forest Region
Ewok #76’s life pod crashes into the forest where the battle has already commenced. Kirk Lazarus, Jeff Portnoy, Kevin Sandusky, Alpa Chino and Tugg Speedman walk through the trees. Alpa Chino screams as a blast rips through his chest. The shot was fired by Predator #50. Predator #50’s cloaking device kicks in and it becomes invisible. Regardless of its invisibility, Xenomorph #51 manages to pounce on the Predator. The two mortal enemies enter into a furious battle. Xenomorph #51 kills Predator #50. Xenomorph #54 sees its brother enemy and the two fight to the death. Xenomorph #54 kills Xenomorph #51. Portnoy, Sandusky, Lazarus and Speedman rally around each other and kill Xenomorph #54 with gunfire. Terminator #38 storms from behind the bushes and kills Portnoy and Sandusky. Before it is able to destroy Speedman and Lazarus, Black Dragon #12 spews its acid breath at Terminator #38. The Terminator melts. 8-Ball w/ 6-Ball, 9-Ball and 11 Ball in 8-Ball's Ship hovers over the Black Dragon. and with their combined concussion blasted cue sticks, destroy the Dragon. The Balls look to the remaining Tropic Thunder characters. Before they reach Lazarus and Speedman, they are met by Balrog #2, which uses its fire weapons to destroy the ship and kill the entire 8-Ball crew.
Naytiri lurks on an immense branch and focuses on Catarine Towani, Jeremitt Towani, Mace Towani and Cindel Towani. She notches an arrow in her bow and lets the arrow fly. Jeremitt Towani is struck in the heart and dies instantly. Naytiri quickly notches another arrow and kills Catatrine Towani with an arrow through her eye. Ewok #76 jumps on Naytiri’s back. Naytiri shrieks as she attempts to dislodge Ewok #76. She is unable to, trips on a jutting branch offshoot and falls to her death. Ewok #76 rides her down and although he loses his wind, survives.
Typhoid Mary confronts Watchdogs #1-10. Although the Watchdogs appear more formidable, Typhoid Mary uses her mind control to turn the Watchdogs against each other. She also uses her pyrokinesis to burn them. After the skirmish, all Watchdogs are dead. Typhoid Mary then faces Dementors #6 and 9; she is ripped apart.
Spawn kills both Mace Towani and Cindel Towani. He then faces Vigo the Carpathian. Vigo uses his immense supernatural abilities to bring Spawn to his knees. Dementors #6 and 9 finish Spawn off. Blue Devil steps into the fray and uses his hell-spawned supernatural ability to destroy both Dementors #6 and 9, as well as Vigo.
Zombie Arisia flies by and sees Ewok #76 running through the forest. She uses her ring to transports him to safety.
Water Region
Captain Nathan Bridger, Lucas Wolenczak, Dr. Westphalen, Commander Jonathan Ford, Lt. Benjamin Krieg, Chief Manilow Crocker, Lt. Tim O'Neill, Lt. James Brody, Dagwood, Seaman Anthony Piccolo, Darwin and Jack Sparrow wait for an enemy to show itself. No one comes. . .
Desert Region
Zombie Arisia is distracted at the Desert’s battle and decides to drop off Ewok #76 at the nearest sand dune. She then flies above the current fracas. Ewok #76, from his dune-safe site above, sees Sandworms #9 and 13 move through the sands with Force Adept #6, riding on top of Krayt Dragon #4. They are met by Johnny Rico and Ookla the Mok. Ookla fires paralyzing arrows at Sandworm #9. Rico joins his teammate and fires at the beast. Sandworm #9 slows down due to the arrows and bullets piercing its hide. The Sentry flies in and with the help of Arisia, lifts Sandworm #9 in the air and drops it; Sandworm #9 is crushed by its own weight. Sam Whitwicky and Armor focus on Force Adept #6 and Krayt Dragon #4. Krayt Dragon #4 easily dispatches with Sam Whitwicky. Armor jumps on the back of the dragon and jumps on its rider, Force Adept #6. Armor’s psionic powers destroy Force Adept #6. Krayt Dragon #4 senses its rider’s death and throws Armor off its back. Armor’s armor protects her and she rolls away without being harmed. Terra approaches the skirmish and manipulates the sands around her. Rico and Ookla fire at Krayt Dragon #4, weakening it, while Terra uses her powers to suffocate the great beast.
Acklay #3 approaches Armor, who has recently risen. The Acklay focuses on Armor and is suddenly distracted by Ewok #76. While the furry combatant distracts the beast, Armor reacts and uses her psionic powers to kill Acklay #3. Riik #2 and Nexu #5 join the melee. Fizzle erupts on the site and assists Armor in the destruction of both Nexu #5 and Riik #2.
Duncan Idaho Ghola #10 and Count Hasmir Fenring face Armor, Johnny Rico and Ookla. Duncan Idaho Ghola #10 bests Rico, but is killed by Armor. Fenring dies at the hands of Ookla. Sandworm #13 rushes up from the sands to engulf Ookla. Terra joins Armor and Fizzle and together they destroy Sandworm #13. They are not so lucky when they face Neo-Cymek #19, Cybertronian Guardian #8 and Junkeons #15 and 16. Cybertronian Guardian #8 and Junkeon #15 are destroyed, but Terra, Armor and Fizzle are also killed in the skirmish.
Ewok #76 travels with Sentry and Zombie Arisia to the next fight.
Water Region
Captain Nathan Bridger, Lucas Wolenczak, Dr. Westphalen, Commander Jonathan Ford, Lt. Benjamin Krieg, Chief Manilow Crocker, Lt. Tim O'Neill, Lt. James Brody, Dagwood, Seaman Anthony Piccolo, Darwin and Jack Sparrow wait for an enemy to show itself. No one comes. . .
In the City
Ewok #76 is dropped into the city and runs from building to building. Dick Trickle moves behind the wheel of Christine. He sees his target and as if the car can read his mind, Christine storms straight at Waluigie and Doozer #3. The car’s wheels run over Doozer #3, leaving behind a bloody mess. The car then focuses to Waluigie. Waluigie attempts to jump out of the way, but it is too late. Waluigie is hit and flies into the air; his lifeless body ends up in a garbage can. Dick Trickle races through the town and cannot avoid the Blob, who is standing in the middle of the street. The car crashes into the giant mutant and Christine is damaged beyond repair. Dick Trickle has his seatbelt on, so he groggily walks from the vehicle. He is riddled with bullets by both Kid Deadpool and Cable.
The Comets’ teams band together with Daredevil, Arachne and Hannibal King. Thus, the Thunderbolts, Justice Force, Ninja Tribunal and Hive Five join the three non-team Comet members. Songbird, Radioactive Man, Swordsmen, Mister X, Headsman, Ghost, Silver Sentry, Ananda, Metal Head, Chrysalis, Tsunami, Nobody, Raptarr, Nano, Green Mantle, Boomerang, Jinx, Gizmo, Mammoth, See-More, Private Hive and Kon-Shisho, Judo-Shisho, Chikara-Shisho and Hisomi-Shisho face P.M.S.’s The Peach, Assassin X, Major Maxim, Natalia Kassle, J.C., Secret Agent Zero, Deuce, Silicon Valerie, Scott Pilgrim, Ramona Flowers, Wallace Wells, Knives Chau, Stephen Stills, Kim Pine, Sydney Savage, Magnetic Kid and Abbey Chase. A bloody slaughter ensues; the death and carnage are immeasurable and P.M.S. winds up on the short side of the stick. All of its combatants die in the melee. At the end of the fray, The Peach, Assassin X, Major Maxim, Natalia Kassle, J.C., Secret Agent Zero, Darwin, Deuce, Silicon Valerie, Scott Pilgrim, Ramona Flowers, Wallace Wells, Knives Chau, Stephen Stills, Kim Pine, Sydney Savage, Magnetic Kid and Abbey Chase are dead. Their deaths are not in vain as they manage to kill Nobody, Nano, Chrysalis, Raptarr, Gizmo, Private Hive, Swordsman, Songbird, Headsman, Kon-Shisho, Judo-Shisho and Ghost.
Seeing his teammates victorious without his necessity, Ewok #76 opens a manhole cover and jumps into the sewers beneath the city.
Beneath City-Sewers
The Guild of Drundel Dorks: Dr. Boom Boom Pow, Evette, Arjhan Darkscale, Groudious Maximus and Bagwa face another massive team combination- The Marauders, Tech Net and Reavers. Thus, Scalphunter, Arclight, Malice, Harpoon, Prism, Riptide, Scrambler, Vertigo, Stryker, Cyblade, Ripclaw, Velocity, Ballistic, Heatwave, Impact, Body Bag, China Doll, Elmo, Ferro, Ferro 2, Joyboy, Numbers, Ring Toss, Scatterbrain, Thug, Waxworks, Yap, Hard-boiled, Donald Pierce, Pretty Boy, Bonebreaker, Skullbuster, Cole, Macon and Reese stand together.
Donald Pierce (looking at the Dorks): You have to be kidding right?
Dr. Boom Boom Pow: We may not look like much, but we have it where it counts!
Scalphunter: We’ll see BBP!
Bagwa: Yes, we will.
The teams begin their battle. The Guild is actually more powerful than it looks with its wizards and warriors. Although the Dorks all fall, they actually take with them, Arclight, Harpoon, Prism, Cyblade, Velocity, Impact, China Doll, Ferro 2, Ring Toss, Yap, Cole and Macon. Ewok #76 joins his teammates at the end of the skirmish and rises to the lands above.
Grassland Region
The Candy Land Crew: Gingerbread People #1-3, Mr. Mint (w/ a blue lightsaber), Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice (w/ a blue lightsaber) and Gloppy the Molasses Monster face off against The Loonatics: Ace Bunny, Lexi Bunny, Danger Duck, Slam Tasmanian, Tech E. Coyote and Rev Runner. Ace Bunny uses his martial arts skills and swordsmanship against Mr. Mint with a blue lightsaber. Although it is a pitched battle, the lightsaber proves superior and Mr. Mint slices Ace Bunny in half. Lexi Bunny rushes at Princess Lolly and Queen Frostine. Frostine uses her powers to create a small blizzard which engulfs Lexi Bunny. Princess Lolly then uses lollipops and weapons against Lexi and kills her. Slam Tasmanian and Danger Duck converge on Gingerbread People #1-3, as well as Gramma Nut and Queen Frostine. Danger and Slam kill them all. Gloppy the Monster sprays Slam and Danger so that they are unable to move quickly. The Candyland Crew uses this to their advantage. Mr. Mint and Lord Licorice slice Slam and Danger with their lightsabers. Tech E. Coyote and Rev Runner manage to destroy King Kandy, Jolly and Plumpy. Mr. Mint and Lord Licorice become enraged animals and kill the remaining Loonatics. As if in response to their animalistic tendencies coming out, the Pet Avengers: Throg, Redwing, Hairball and Ms. Lion, come to the scene. Although the Candyland lightsaber wielders manage to kills Hairball, they are killed by the remaining pets. Gloppy and Princess Lolly die shortly thereafter.
Water Region
Captain Nathan Bridger, Lucas Wolenczak, Dr. Westphalen, Commander Jonathan Ford, Lt. Benjamin Krieg, Chief Manilow Crocker, Lt. Tim O'Neill, Lt. James Brody, Dagwood, Seaman Anthony Piccolo, Darwin and Jack Sparrow wait for an enemy to show itself. Finally!!! On the horizon they see Ash (w/ Mandalorian Armor), Jiggly Puff, Wiggly Tuff, Mew, Mewtoo, Diglet, Blastois, Grottle, Wartortle, Infernape, Dialga, Palkia, Rayquazza, Regirock, Empoleon, Prinplup, Piplup and Drago. Ash is shot down by the air to surface weaponry of the Seaquest submarine. In retaliation, the Pokemon characters attack and actually manage to destroy the Seaquest beyond repair. Bridger, as the Captain, goes down with the ship as does his boy toy, Lucas Wolenczak. After the ship sinks, its crew jettisons out of the sub on a large modified life raft. The remaining Seaquest members manage to destroy Jiggy Puff, Wartortle, Grottle, Dialga, Regirock, Piplup and Drago, before they perish. Jack Sparrow rides Darwin away, but only so far as Darwin is killed by Empoleon and Prinplup. Sparrow escapes.
Arctic Region
It is a smaller match in the Arctic elements. The Beast, M. Bison, Chun Li and Pixie face insurmountable odds by facing Lady Deathstrike, Reverse Flash, Sith Lords #19 and 20, Weirdwolf and Monzo, The Shining Force, Trigon, Halk Karr and Omac. The Beast, M. Bison and Pixie are only able to kill Sith Lord #20 before they perish.
The Final Battle
Almost never have I seen such a match. The odds of P.M.S. are felt by all on the battlefield. The team members that remain are as follows-
Hayley's Comets: Kid Deadpool, Lady Deathstrike, Daredevil, Arachne, The Blob, Hannibal King, Cable, Hordak (w/ a Yellow Power Ring), Reverse Flash, Neo-Cymek #19, Sith Lord #19, Junkeons #16, Wiggly Tuff, Mew, Mewtoo, Diglet, Blastois, Infernape, Palkia, Rayquazza, Empoleon, Prinplup, Weirdwolf and Monzo, Silver Sentry, Ananda, Metal Head, Tsunami, Green Mantle, Boomerang, Radioactive Man, Mister X, Scalphunter, Malice, Riptide, Scrambler, Vertigo, The Shining Force (Unpromoted Version (all 25 characters)), Chikara-Shisho and Hisomi-Shisho, Throg, Redwing, Ms. Lion, Stryker, Ripclaw, Ballistic, Heatwave Body Bag, Elmo, Ferro, Joyboy, Numbers, Scatterbrain, Thug, Waxworks, Hard-boiled, Donald Pierce, Pretty Boy, Bonebreaker, Skullbuster, Reese, Jinx, Mammoth, See-More, Trigon, Halk Karr, Omac, Zombie Arisia and Ewok #76.
P.M.S.: Jack Sparrow, The Sentry, Blue Devil, Balrog #2, Kirk Lazarus and Tugg Speedman.
Sparrow: Farwell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies,
Farewell and adieu to you ladies of Spain;
For we received our orders, to put a sail back to Boston,
And so never more shall we see you again.
Tugg Speedman: You tell the world what happened here.
Kirk Lazarus: What happened here?
Tugg Speedman: I don't know, but you need to tell them.
In a scene reminiscent of the finale of “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid,” the P.M.S. crew meets their maker. Although none survive on P.M.S., they manage to kill Ewok #76.
P.M.S.: All dead.
Hayley's Comets: Kid Deadpool, Lady Deathstrike, Daredevil, Arachne, The Blob, Hannibal King, Cable, Hordak (w/ a Yellow Power Ring), Reverse Flash, Neo-Cymek #19, Sith Lord #19, Junkeons #16, Wiggly Tuff, Mew, Mewtoo, Diglet, Blastois, Infernape, Palkia, Rayquazza, Empoleon, Prinplup, Weirdwolf and Monzo, Silver Sentry, Ananda, Metal Head, Tsunami, Green Mantle, Boomerang, Radioactive Man, Mister X, Scalphunter, Malice, Riptide, Scrambler, Vertigo, The Shining Force (Unpromoted Version (all 25 characters)), Chikara-Shisho and Hisomi-Shisho, Throg, Redwing, Ms. Lion, Stryker, Ripclaw, Ballistic, Heatwave Body Bag, Elmo, Ferro, Joyboy, Numbers, Scatterbrain, Thug, Waxworks, Hard-boiled, Donald Pierce, Pretty Boy, Bonebreaker, Skullbuster, Reese, Jinx, Mammoth, See-More, Trigon, Halk Karr, Omac and Zombie Arisia survive.
HALEY’S COMETS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. Team S.P.
Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches are Dark Phoenix, Ego the Living Planet, Mogo, The One Above All, The Living Tribunal, Ranx the Sentient City, Orion, Yendar Plantis, Tyvokka, Ash (w/ Mandalorian Armor), War Skrull #6-10, Brood #6-10, Cyclonus & his Armada, Dracula, Deadman, Dementor #1-5, Doublecross, Duncan McLeod (w/ a green lightsaber), Nightbird, Warpath, Michael Myers, Magog, Nazgul #3 w/ Fell Beast, Green Dragon #13-18, Black Dragon #5-7, 9, & 13-14, Brother Blood, Spike, Triggerhappy & Blowpipe, Slugslinger & Caliburst, Skullcruncher & Grax, Predator X #1-5, Krayt Dragon #1 & 2, Fangry & Briscoe, Flywheels, Black Widow Shark, Naga, Abe Sapien, Hush, Clawful, Max Mercury, Killer Kroc, The Arc Troopers: Arc Trooper Captain, Arc Trooper Lt. #1 & 2, Arc Trooper Heavy Weapons Expert, Arc Trooper #1-5, & Storm Trooper #15.
Team S.P. is The X-Men: Cyclops, Jean Grey (w/ a green power ring), Beast, Angel, Thunderbird, Quicksilver, Jubilee, Blink, & Banshee, The Enchantress, Unus the Untouchable, Mastermind, Female Sentinel #1-10, Vision, Giant Man, Spider Woman, Blockbuster, Binary, Deathbird, Super Skrull, War Skrull #1-5, Skrull #23-50, SHIELD Agent #1-6, Xenomorph #1-43, Compsagnothid #29-60, Capt. Boomerang, Cloak, & Dagger.
Ego the Living Planet looks over to his right and sees the mighty Joshatu preparing to witness the match. Ego speaks: “What brings you here Joshatu, I was under the impression that Ryatu was to witness out inevitable victory. Josh says: “Yeah, he was but his washing machine crapped out on him this weekend and he asked me to sit in for him”. Ego replies with: “Hah”. “Why is that funny”? Josh asks. “Oh ya know, just the whole “all powerful Watcher thing” ya know. And then you end up with a puked out washing machine. Sorry, but it’s funny”. Ego says. Josh replies: “ya know, life isn’t that easy for us Watchers, crap happens to us to and then it gets pretty rough. For instance a plumber shows up atone of our houses and he’s all like: (said in a dumb voice) “Ooooh you’re a Watcher, that means I can charge you up the butt for like 5 minutes of work””. Ego speaks once again: “Still, I mean we’re about to do battle for domination of the Universe here, and the only witness can’t make it cause his washing machine is broke”. “You have to admit, it is kind of funny”. Mogo adds. “Hey, nobody asked you Moags. And besides why am talking to you guys anyway, I’m breaking the rules, I’m not supposed to talk to talk to the combatants”. Ego says: “Oh come on Josh, it’s us, it’s not like you’re talking to Ron Popeil or Homer Simpson or something, it’s us. We’re living planets, I mean I think we are on the same level as you”. “Yeah, what’s the big deal”? Ranx the Sentient City adds. “Ya know Ranx, I don’t need your crap right now. I’m not in the mood. I’m not gonna lie, I’m still kind of pissed at you about the thing.... with the dude..... You know....... Last week..... Well, either way, I’m still just not going to talk about with you. It just isn’t the time or the place“. Josh says. Mogo adds: “Yeah really Ranx, shut up! Nobody wants to here your crap today” “Don’t tell me what to do” Ranx says. Mogo replies brilliantly with: “Why what are you gonna do about it? Huh?” Ranx sits in silence for a minute when Mogo adds: “What are you yellow”? Ego jumps in and tries to play peacemaker by saying: “Okay guys, enough of this green/yellow stuff. Just cut it out. It doesn’t matter what color you are”. “Jeez, who invited Al Sharpton”? Josh says drawing uproarious laughter from the 2 lantern planets. Josh then finishes up with: “No but seriously. stop talking to me, we really should get down to this match. I mean the deadline was like 17 hours ago and it hasn’t even started yet, so lets do this”. The One Above All appears in the form of a giant Mint Oreo (for obvious reasons, to any one who has ever tasted one). The One Above All would normally have a more apathetic attitude toward such things, but he is pissed off that he wasn’t included in the HILARIOUS monologue to this match. The One Above All then decides that the gabby trio of planets should have to actually prove their worth. The One Above All & his minion The Living Tribunal teleport all 10 female sentinels, The 28 Skrulls, & The 6 SHIELD Agents onto Ego, The 43 Xenomorphs onto Mogo, & the 32 Compys onto Ranx. Once these characters are teleported onto the living planets, the ultra-powerful cosmic beings are able to use their natural resources to ensure the death of all of their opponents. Back on the play-off planet 5 Super Skrulls square off against 5 Dark Phoenixes in a pitched air battle. They battle with each other brutally, but in the end only one of the Dark Phoenixes remains (actually War Skrull #3), but that one is destroyed by the real Super Skrull shortly after he victory, Master Mind focuses all of his mutant ability and is successful in tapping in to the collective minds of The One Above All and The Living Tribunal. He breaks in thru their mental barriers, but is unable to control the immense knowledge that their minds contain. Mastermind loses his life, but the price he payed was well worth it for his team, as he takes the all powerful One Above All & The Living Tribunal out with him. Duncan McLeod and Michael Myers begin fighting with Capt. Boomerang, but the fight is broken up by an attack from Jubilee. Michael Myers gets some help from Hush and stays and fights Jubilee, gaining an eventual victory, but Duncan just can't keep from coming back to Capt. Boomerang (get it). Duncan then gets some aid from Killer Kroc and they easily take Capt. Boomerang down under (get it). Naga and Abe Sapien are playing 2 handed Euchre in the water area of the play-off planet, while Black Widow Shark watches. The 3 of them are just hoping that Team S.P. played some water character, but we all know that this didn't happen. In the desert area: Unus the Untouchable creates a force field that entraps the 2 Krayt Dragons, making them freak out and kill each other, but Max mercury vibrates thru the protective field of Unus and then kills him with a super-vibrato karat chop to the throat. Yendar Platis and Tyvokka use their 7 total lightsabers to remind Quicksilver that he is the lamest relative of Magneto's that Marvel has ever created. Oh. I get it. Hah, I didn't get it until right now, but now I get. I totally get it. **WARNING THE 4th WALL IS ABOUT TO BE BROKEN** So Becks thought that Ryan was writing his match, so he started ever Transformer on his roster, and then, Josh ends up writing his match and well...... ain't that about a bi**ch. Jean Gray with her new green lantern ring and her old flame Angel decide that this going to be the match that they totally rock out in. The 2 of them fly into action and take out Cyclonus & his Armada, Doublecross, Nightbird, Warpath, Triggerhappy, Blowpipe, Slugslinger, Caliburst, Skullcruncher, Grax, & both parts of Flywheels, before Dark Phoenix shows up and decides that there is no better person to give Green Lantern Jean Gray her first death and Angel his last than her. Dark Phoenix releases the full power of the Phoenix force to kill not only them but Thunderbird as well, not to mention some collateral damage on her own team, namely the 5 Predator Xes. Dagger uses her powers of light to take out Nazgul #3, along with his Fell Beast, while Cloak engulfs the 6 Green Dragons within his massive cloak to send them to another plane of existence. Magog, Brother Blood, & The Brood then avenge their teammates by defeating Cloak and Dagger (only Brood #7 & 9 don’t survive the fight). The Arc Troopers stealthily move from building to building in the Metropolitan area of the planet and are able to take out both Beast & Banshee before either of them are able to defend themselves. Blink jumps out of nowhere and uses her powers to send Storm Trooper #15, and Arc #1, 3, & 4 into a volcano on another planet, but The heavy Weapons Expert uses his laser bazooka to blow her head off. The Enchantress attempts to use her powers of male persuasion of Ash, but since he is such a “gay” character he instead uses the built in blasters on his Mandalorian Armor to blow her away. The real Super Skrull squares off against the real Dark Phoenix, and the real Super Skrull ends up real dead. Vision, Cyclops, Giant Man, Spider-Woman, Blockbuster, Binary, & Deathbird each take a Black Dragon, but they are then attacked by what remains of the Backyardigans (at least the ones that aren’t off in the water or out in space). Tyvokka blocks Cyclops optic blast with his lightsaber, while Yendar Platis uses his 6 lightsabers to rip him to shreds. Vision is in his intangible form, but Dark Phoenix uses he powers to simply change that and then render him brain dead. This is a great move that shows off the amazing range of her power, but it at the same time inadvertently killed Deadman & The Dementors in the exact same manner. Blockbuster is attacked by what remains of The Brood and The Arc Troopers. Blockbuster is able to use his superior strength to kill Brood #6, as well as Arc #5 & Arc Lt. #1, before the 2 groups take him down. Binary tries to attack Magog, but before she can Dracula sneaks up behind her and begins draining the blood from her neck. Orion uses his new-god powers to tap me on the shoulder and remind me that he is in this match. He then proves that he is to good to forget about by laying waste to Giant Man, as if he were called Ant Man (oh, that’s right, he was wasn’t he). Spider Woman knocks Michael Myers to the ground and is about to put the smack down, when Duncan McLeod uses his katana (he still uses the katana in his right hand and the lightsaber in his left(old habits die hard)) to lop off Spider Woman’s head. Deathbird delivers a deadly kick to the head of Clawful, but then, before he uses his hand to hand combat skills to kill her, Brother Blood uses his mental powers to telepathically remind Deathbird that she was just a part of what has got to be the shortest 2500 point match of all time.
BECKERMAN’S BACKYARDIGAN’S: BEEYTACHES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Team S.P. is The X-Men: Cyclops, Jean Grey (w/ a green power ring), Beast, Angel, Thunderbird, Quicksilver, Jubilee, Blink, & Banshee, The Enchantress, Unus the Untouchable, Mastermind, Female Sentinel #1-10, Vision, Giant Man, Spider Woman, Blockbuster, Binary, Deathbird, Super Skrull, War Skrull #1-5, Skrull #23-50, SHIELD Agent #1-6, Xenomorph #1-43, Compsagnothid #29-60, Capt. Boomerang, Cloak, & Dagger.
Ego the Living Planet looks over to his right and sees the mighty Joshatu preparing to witness the match. Ego speaks: “What brings you here Joshatu, I was under the impression that Ryatu was to witness out inevitable victory. Josh says: “Yeah, he was but his washing machine crapped out on him this weekend and he asked me to sit in for him”. Ego replies with: “Hah”. “Why is that funny”? Josh asks. “Oh ya know, just the whole “all powerful Watcher thing” ya know. And then you end up with a puked out washing machine. Sorry, but it’s funny”. Ego says. Josh replies: “ya know, life isn’t that easy for us Watchers, crap happens to us to and then it gets pretty rough. For instance a plumber shows up atone of our houses and he’s all like: (said in a dumb voice) “Ooooh you’re a Watcher, that means I can charge you up the butt for like 5 minutes of work””. Ego speaks once again: “Still, I mean we’re about to do battle for domination of the Universe here, and the only witness can’t make it cause his washing machine is broke”. “You have to admit, it is kind of funny”. Mogo adds. “Hey, nobody asked you Moags. And besides why am talking to you guys anyway, I’m breaking the rules, I’m not supposed to talk to talk to the combatants”. Ego says: “Oh come on Josh, it’s us, it’s not like you’re talking to Ron Popeil or Homer Simpson or something, it’s us. We’re living planets, I mean I think we are on the same level as you”. “Yeah, what’s the big deal”? Ranx the Sentient City adds. “Ya know Ranx, I don’t need your crap right now. I’m not in the mood. I’m not gonna lie, I’m still kind of pissed at you about the thing.... with the dude..... You know....... Last week..... Well, either way, I’m still just not going to talk about with you. It just isn’t the time or the place“. Josh says. Mogo adds: “Yeah really Ranx, shut up! Nobody wants to here your crap today” “Don’t tell me what to do” Ranx says. Mogo replies brilliantly with: “Why what are you gonna do about it? Huh?” Ranx sits in silence for a minute when Mogo adds: “What are you yellow”? Ego jumps in and tries to play peacemaker by saying: “Okay guys, enough of this green/yellow stuff. Just cut it out. It doesn’t matter what color you are”. “Jeez, who invited Al Sharpton”? Josh says drawing uproarious laughter from the 2 lantern planets. Josh then finishes up with: “No but seriously. stop talking to me, we really should get down to this match. I mean the deadline was like 17 hours ago and it hasn’t even started yet, so lets do this”. The One Above All appears in the form of a giant Mint Oreo (for obvious reasons, to any one who has ever tasted one). The One Above All would normally have a more apathetic attitude toward such things, but he is pissed off that he wasn’t included in the HILARIOUS monologue to this match. The One Above All then decides that the gabby trio of planets should have to actually prove their worth. The One Above All & his minion The Living Tribunal teleport all 10 female sentinels, The 28 Skrulls, & The 6 SHIELD Agents onto Ego, The 43 Xenomorphs onto Mogo, & the 32 Compys onto Ranx. Once these characters are teleported onto the living planets, the ultra-powerful cosmic beings are able to use their natural resources to ensure the death of all of their opponents. Back on the play-off planet 5 Super Skrulls square off against 5 Dark Phoenixes in a pitched air battle. They battle with each other brutally, but in the end only one of the Dark Phoenixes remains (actually War Skrull #3), but that one is destroyed by the real Super Skrull shortly after he victory, Master Mind focuses all of his mutant ability and is successful in tapping in to the collective minds of The One Above All and The Living Tribunal. He breaks in thru their mental barriers, but is unable to control the immense knowledge that their minds contain. Mastermind loses his life, but the price he payed was well worth it for his team, as he takes the all powerful One Above All & The Living Tribunal out with him. Duncan McLeod and Michael Myers begin fighting with Capt. Boomerang, but the fight is broken up by an attack from Jubilee. Michael Myers gets some help from Hush and stays and fights Jubilee, gaining an eventual victory, but Duncan just can't keep from coming back to Capt. Boomerang (get it). Duncan then gets some aid from Killer Kroc and they easily take Capt. Boomerang down under (get it). Naga and Abe Sapien are playing 2 handed Euchre in the water area of the play-off planet, while Black Widow Shark watches. The 3 of them are just hoping that Team S.P. played some water character, but we all know that this didn't happen. In the desert area: Unus the Untouchable creates a force field that entraps the 2 Krayt Dragons, making them freak out and kill each other, but Max mercury vibrates thru the protective field of Unus and then kills him with a super-vibrato karat chop to the throat. Yendar Platis and Tyvokka use their 7 total lightsabers to remind Quicksilver that he is the lamest relative of Magneto's that Marvel has ever created. Oh. I get it. Hah, I didn't get it until right now, but now I get. I totally get it. **WARNING THE 4th WALL IS ABOUT TO BE BROKEN** So Becks thought that Ryan was writing his match, so he started ever Transformer on his roster, and then, Josh ends up writing his match and well...... ain't that about a bi**ch. Jean Gray with her new green lantern ring and her old flame Angel decide that this going to be the match that they totally rock out in. The 2 of them fly into action and take out Cyclonus & his Armada, Doublecross, Nightbird, Warpath, Triggerhappy, Blowpipe, Slugslinger, Caliburst, Skullcruncher, Grax, & both parts of Flywheels, before Dark Phoenix shows up and decides that there is no better person to give Green Lantern Jean Gray her first death and Angel his last than her. Dark Phoenix releases the full power of the Phoenix force to kill not only them but Thunderbird as well, not to mention some collateral damage on her own team, namely the 5 Predator Xes. Dagger uses her powers of light to take out Nazgul #3, along with his Fell Beast, while Cloak engulfs the 6 Green Dragons within his massive cloak to send them to another plane of existence. Magog, Brother Blood, & The Brood then avenge their teammates by defeating Cloak and Dagger (only Brood #7 & 9 don’t survive the fight). The Arc Troopers stealthily move from building to building in the Metropolitan area of the planet and are able to take out both Beast & Banshee before either of them are able to defend themselves. Blink jumps out of nowhere and uses her powers to send Storm Trooper #15, and Arc #1, 3, & 4 into a volcano on another planet, but The heavy Weapons Expert uses his laser bazooka to blow her head off. The Enchantress attempts to use her powers of male persuasion of Ash, but since he is such a “gay” character he instead uses the built in blasters on his Mandalorian Armor to blow her away. The real Super Skrull squares off against the real Dark Phoenix, and the real Super Skrull ends up real dead. Vision, Cyclops, Giant Man, Spider-Woman, Blockbuster, Binary, & Deathbird each take a Black Dragon, but they are then attacked by what remains of the Backyardigans (at least the ones that aren’t off in the water or out in space). Tyvokka blocks Cyclops optic blast with his lightsaber, while Yendar Platis uses his 6 lightsabers to rip him to shreds. Vision is in his intangible form, but Dark Phoenix uses he powers to simply change that and then render him brain dead. This is a great move that shows off the amazing range of her power, but it at the same time inadvertently killed Deadman & The Dementors in the exact same manner. Blockbuster is attacked by what remains of The Brood and The Arc Troopers. Blockbuster is able to use his superior strength to kill Brood #6, as well as Arc #5 & Arc Lt. #1, before the 2 groups take him down. Binary tries to attack Magog, but before she can Dracula sneaks up behind her and begins draining the blood from her neck. Orion uses his new-god powers to tap me on the shoulder and remind me that he is in this match. He then proves that he is to good to forget about by laying waste to Giant Man, as if he were called Ant Man (oh, that’s right, he was wasn’t he). Spider Woman knocks Michael Myers to the ground and is about to put the smack down, when Duncan McLeod uses his katana (he still uses the katana in his right hand and the lightsaber in his left(old habits die hard)) to lop off Spider Woman’s head. Deathbird delivers a deadly kick to the head of Clawful, but then, before he uses his hand to hand combat skills to kill her, Brother Blood uses his mental powers to telepathically remind Deathbird that she was just a part of what has got to be the shortest 2500 point match of all time.
BECKERMAN’S BACKYARDIGAN’S: BEEYTACHES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Xavier's Annihilation Squad vs. The Syracuse Valley
“Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure.”
-George Edward Woodberry
I look to the teams during this Week 6 Match on the Playoff Planet. They are as follows:
Xavier's Annihilation Squad: Ursa, Supergirl, Mary Embry, G-Girl, Supreme and Radar, Suprema, The Eradicator, Spider Woman, Silver Racer, Astro Boy, Metron, Molecule Man, Avalanche, Speedball, Kalibak, Feral, Zorro (w/ a blue lightsaber) on Mordor Horse #1, Weapon Omega, Gladiator, Jeannie and Major Nelson, Zombie Josh Houslander on Zombie Silver Dragon #3, Dark Dragon, Sailor Moon, Sauron, Blastaar, Killer Moth, The White Witch, Goliath the Gargoyle, Gorilla Grodd, Mighty Joe Young, Nemesis Enforcer, Shinobi and Yamato, Bonk, Windhammer, Ninja Gaiden, Hammerhand, Topspinner, Ram Bam, Cruncher, Cactus Head, The Blob, Boulder, Granite, Tombstone, Kevin (Sin City), Demolition Man, Perfuma, Rintrah, Minotaurs #1-7, Rouge the Bat, T-X, Silver Samurai, Samurai #30-40, The Sinister Six: Sandman, Green Goblin, Dr. Octopus, Mysterio, Vulture and Electro, The Terrorcons: Hun-Grr, Blot, Cutthroat, Rippersnapper and Sinnertwin, The Aerialbots: Silverbolt, Skydive, Fireflight, Slingshot and Air Raid, Bonecrusher, Barricade, Brainstorm and Arcana, Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, Darth Scarz, Darth Voltress, Darth Ocron, Ancient Sith Lords #1-7 and 15, Sith Lord #8, The Addams Family: Gomez (w/ a green lightsaber), Morticia, Pugsley, Wednesday, Uncle Fester (w/ a green lightsaber), Grandmama, Lurch, Cousin Itt, and Thing and Ewok #50.
The Syracuse Valley: Scooter, Splinter, Leonardo, Venus Demilo, Nightcrawler, Hammer Bros. #3-10, Boomerang Bros. #1-10, Fire Bros. #4-10, Giant Hammer Bros. #1-10, Xenomorphs #95-100, Dash Rendar in a Tie Bomber, Young Anakin Skywalker (w/ a blue lightsaber) and Kister in Gas Gasgano's Podracer, Jedi Guardian #3, Jedi Padawan #37 and Leebo in a Y-Wing Bomber, (movie) Megatron, (movie) Starscream, (movie) Jazz, Sub-Zero, Raiden w/ Kid Thunder, Soundblaster w/ Zombie Rumble, (movie) Frenzy (w/ a red lightsaber), (movie) Ravage, Zombie Laserbeak, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawktalk and Beastbox, Fast Forward, (movie) Wheely, The Decepticon Spy Bug, Mr. Game and Watch (w/ a Heat Axe), Shang Tsung, Wonder Boy (w/ an Atlas), Baby Nightcrawler, Nocturne, Rayne, Wald, Beavis, Butthead, Buttchunk, Guille, Wingnut and Screwloose, Crasher, Rob Bartlett (w/ a Halberd), Doogle, Robocop, Godzooky, Billy Mays, Shadow the Hedgehog, Human Smoke, Scorpion, Decepticons #1-5, Gremlins #1 and 2, The Crew of The Righteous Indignation: Capt. Bucky O'Hare (w/ a green lightsaber), Deadeye Duck (w/ a red lightsaber), Bruiser, Willy Duwitt, Pilot Jenny, AFC Blinkie and Commander (and Head Coach) Dogstar in The Righteous Indignation, The Toxic Avenger, Critters #1-12, Decepticon Decoys #1-5, Peppy Hare in a Tie Interceptor, James McCloud in a Tie Interceptor, Autobots #6-10, Karai, Teddy Boy, Navy Sailors #60-99, Little Goombas #6-34, Sith Lord #5 (Darth Techno), Moritani Soldiers #1-15, Kree Soldiers #1-50, Balrog #5, Treasure Troll #27, Gordon Barbo, Frank the Tank, Bran, Glass Joe, Johnny Cage, Jax, Kid Chameleon, Game Boy, Mappy, Pitfall Harry, Jimmy Lee, King Hippo, The Eggplant Wizard, Homer Simpson, Agamemnon and Menelaeus, McGruff the Crime Dog and Sam Malone.
Let the Battle begin. . . .
Space Region
Metron rides through space in his Mobius chair. The passive observer notes the fighters that quickly approach. With pinpoint accuracy, both Dash Rendar in a Tie Bomber and Jedi Guardian #3, Jedi Padawan #37 and Leebo in a Y-Wing Bomber, drop both their orbital mines and proton bombs on the chair. The barrage of weapons rips the chair apart. The demigod is thrown through space. Metron sees Peppy Hare in a Tie Interceptor and James McCloud in a Tie Interceptor race toward him. He is riddled with a barrage of laser fire. Although Metron is a demigod, his pacifist nature reconciles that his death is warranted in this instance and dies.
Astro Boy is met by Kree Soldiers #1-50, in protective space gear. The blue faced warriors swarm Astro Boy and tear him apart. Silver Racer uses his amalgamated powers to defeat the entire Kree army, Kree Soldiers #1-50. The three Kryptonians- Ursa, Supergirl and Eradicator focus on the ships that obliterated Metron. Ursa destroys Peppy Hare in her Tie Interceptor. Supergirl destroys James McCloud in his Tie Interceptor. The Eradicator destroys Dash Rendar in his Tie Bomber. The Kryptonians then join forces with the Silver Racer and rip apart the Y-Wing. Jedi Guardian #3, Jedi Padawan #37 and Leebo are destroyed with their ship.
Desert Region
Cactus Head sees Young Anakin Skywalker (w/ a blue lightsaber) and Kister in Gas Gasgano's Podracer approach. Skywalker’s superior piloting skills allow him to whip the Podracer’s cockpit around so that Skywalker is allowed to slice off the head of Cactus Head. Wald cheers Anakin on. Wald jumps up for joy at the sight of the beheading. Wald’s feet do not land back on the ground as Rippersnapper reaches his body in the air and rips him apart. In response to Wald’s death, (movie) Ravage attempts to battle the Terrorcon. Unfortunately, the entire Terrorcon clan rushes to assist their teammate and destroys the cycloptic jaguar.
Agamemnon and Menelaeus rush at the Minotaurs #1-7. Minotaurs #1-3 and 7 are killed by the Trojan Warriors. The Minotaurs then decide to focus on only one combatant-Menelaeus. Minotaurs #4-6 kill Menelaeus. In a revenge driven frenzy, Agamemnon leads Decepticon Decoys #1-5 against Minotaurs #4-6 and finishes them off. Boulder and Granite burst from the sand and attack Agamemnon and Decepticon Decoys #1-5. The Rock Lords are victorious in their battle; Agamemnon is killed and Decepticon Decoys #1-5 are destroyed.
Anakin Skywalker and Kister remain in their Podracer and focus on Jeannie and Major Nelson. Skywalker uses the same attack move used on Cactus Head to behead Nelson. Nelson’s headless body drops Jeannie’s lamp in the sand.
Jeannie: Master!!!!
Kister jumps out of the Podracer and crushes the bottle. Jeannie explodes in a puff of smoke. As Kister is about to jump into the Podracer again, he is met by the Rock Lords. Granite smashes Kister while Boulder manages to wreck the Podracer. Anakin leaps out of the Podracer with his blue lightsaber ignited. The young warrior is joined by Soundblaster and Zombie Rumble. Soundblaster and Zombie Rumble (in robot form) destroy both Boulder and Granite. The Terrorcons continue their ravenous reign and rip through Soundblaster, Zombie Rumble and Young Anakin.
Water Region
The Thundercat Berserkers- Hammerhead, Topspinner, Ram Bam and Cruncher tread water. Topspinner, Ram Bam and Cruncher see Venus Demilo and are mystified at her beauty. Hammerhead swims over to the scantily clad Demilo and drowns her. He knows that her essence is a distraction that must be quashed. Across the waters they see Navy Sailors #60-99. They also see Gremlin #1 on Homer Simpson, who is floating on his back and Gremlin #2 on King Hippo, who is floating on his back. Navy Sailors #60-99 swarm the Berserker pirates. Punching, dunking and drowning ensue between the combatants. Topspinner and Cruncher are killed, but so are the entire battalion of Sailors. Hammerhead swims up to King Hippo and Ram Bam swims up to Homer Simpson. The Berserkers kill the two and leave Hippo and Simpson floating face down in the water. In the process of the two bulbous bellied buffoons’ deaths, the Gremlins fall into the water and multiply. Hammerhead and Ram Bam are ripped apart by the furious fury combatants. Gremlins #1 and 2 lead over one hundred of the creatures to land, where they await the next battle.
City Region
Frank the Tank, Gordon Barbo and Bran run in their underwear down the battlefield’s main street. Barbo is a sight to be seen, singing “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly!” They do not see the Blob in front of them. The three run straight into the gelatinous monster, are consumed and die.
The martial artist warriors come together in a grand Mortal Kombat-type scene. The combatants say words that do not appear to line up with their mouths. Their battle is elegant and the fighters appear to be harnessed on wires as they fight one another. The Squad’s Shinobi and Yamato, Ninja Gaiden and Silver Samurai face off against Sub-Zero, Shang Tsung, Guille, Johhny Cage, Human Smoke, Karai, Jax and Jimmy Lee. At the end of the fight, the only warriors standing are Sub-Zero and Shang Tsung.
Glass Joe, Kid Chameleon, Mappy, Sam Malone, McGruff the Crime Dog and the Eggplant Wizard join forces. They face Kevin (Sin City), T-X and Tombstone. Kevin runs at and slashes Glass Joe. Glass Joe falls dead. Kevin then races at Sam Malone who is more worried about his hair then defending himself. Malone is killed. Before Kevin is able to reach a “hat trick,” the Eggplant Wizard throws a projectile. The blob turns Kevin’s head into an eggplant; Kevin dies. Tombstone pounces upon Mappy and rips the mouse crime stopper’s head off with his teeth. In response to his fellow policeman’s death, McGruff the Crime Dog launches himself at Tombstone. Tombstone catches him in midflight by the neck and breaks it with one hand. Meanwhile, the gynoid assassin T-X uses its arm as a weapon and blasts both Kid Chameleon and Eggplant Wizard.
In another match-up, this time robots only, (movie) Jazz, (movie) Frenzy with a red lightsaber, (movie) Wheely, Scooter and Crasher face Barricade, Brainstorm and Arcana, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe. As the martial art scene was much truncated, so too will be the robot fight. Thus, after a pitched battle of robotic brawn and bashing, the last robots standing are (movie) Frenzy and (movie) Jazz.
Robocop, Scorpion and Billy Mays stand side by side. They face Spiderwoman, Speedball, Windhammer and Demolition Man. Mays looks at Robocop.
Mays: Hi. Billy Mays here! We are about to die!
Windhammer uses his tuning fork to create a turbulent weather pattern. Large balls of hail and heavy rains pour over the combatants. The winds force Billy Mays to hold onto a lamp post. The intense gale force cause Mays’ feet to rise in the air. He lets go and is caught in a web created by Spiderwoman. Caught in the web, he looks to Demolition Man, who is lowering his gun.
Mays: Hi. Billy Mays here! Now it’s time to die!
Mays is shot between the eyes by Demolition Man. Demolition Man turns around and is met by the Scorpion’s tail. The Scorpion smashes Demolition Man, who crumples dead in the street. Scorpion then smashes Speedball with his tail. Speedball absorbs the kinetic energy and hits Scorpion back. Scorpion flies into a wall from the blow. Robocop, due to his robotic weight is not immediately affected by the weather and hits Windhammer with a barrage of gunfire; Windhammer dies. The entire Sinister Six clan erupts on the battlefield and quickly dispels with both Robocop and Scorpion. Nonetheless, in the fray Mysterio and Vulture are killed.
Arctic Region
The snowy tundra’s flakes whip across the battlefield. Sith Lord #8 rushes at the Valley team. He is met by Giant Hammer Brothers #1-10. Although the Sith Lord manages to deflect a majority of the hammers, soon, the tool projectiles begin to reach the force wielder. Sith Lord #8 eventually weakens and is killed at the pummeling. Ancient Sith Lords #1-7 and 15 see their fallen comrade and combine forces to slice and dice through the entire Giant Hammer Brother clan; all Giant Hammer Brothers #1-10 are killed. The Ancient Sith Lords then face Autobots #6-10. Autobots #6 and 9 are destroyed. Ancient Sith Lords #2-4, 7 and 15 are killed. Darth Scarz, Darth Voltress and Darth Ocron finish the work of the Ancients and destroy remaining Autobots #7-8 and 10.
Fire Brothers #4-10 throw fireballs at the White Witch. Although the barrage of flame balls wound her, she uses her wand to turn Fire Brothers #7-10 into stone. The remaining Fire Brothers run away so that they can regroup. They are met by Weapon Omega. Weapon Omega uses his energy blasts to blast into the snow beneath Fire Brothers #4-6’s feet. The Darths rush toward the Fire Brothers. Darth Scarz kills Fire Brother #4. Darth Voltress kills Fire Brother #5. Darth Ocron kills Fire Brother #6.
Remaining Ancient Sith Lords #1, 5-6 destroy Fast Forward. They are, in turn, killed by Beast Box and Squawktalk. The Transformers change into their beast modes. Weapon Omega fires at the soaring Squawktalk and the Transformer crashes to the icy ground. Gladiator uses his heat vision to burn a hole around Squawktalk. The snow becomes a liquid mess. Gladiator then uses his freeze breath to encase Squawktalk. Squawktalk’s energy drains and it powers down forever. Beastbox, in gorilla form, punches Gladiator across the tundra. Gladiator shakes off the blow and joins Weapon Omega. Gladiator smashes Beastbox and Weapon Omega provides the death blow.
Megatron (movie) comes to the scene and faces the remaining Slaves. The White Witch uses her sorcery powers to hold Megatron in place. The Transformer eventually breaks through the spell and crushes the White Witch. He then uses his weaponry on Weapon Omega. Weapon Omega is ripped apart, but in a hari-kari act, crashes into Megatron at full “energy-induced” speed. The robot is damaged and falls to its knees. The Darths combine their force skills and through both lightning and lightsabers, along with Gladiator’s assistance, defeat and destroy Megatron.
Underground-City Sewers
The Decepticon Spy Bug skittles ahead of its Valley teammates to do reconnaissance. The last item it sees before being stepped on is a large greenish humanoid-Lurch. Lurch steps on and destroys the Spy Bug. Nightcrawler, Baby Nightcrawler and Nocturne teleport into the midst of the Addams family. Nightcrawler kills Morticia and Pugsley. Baby Nightcrawler kills Thing. Nocturne uses her hex bolts to strike both Gomez and Uncle Fester. While the two manage to block a majority of the bolts, they are unable to avoid them all. Both are wounded. Gomez and Uncle Fester are then rushed at and torn apart by Xenomorphs #95-100. Critters #1-12 come to the scene and kill Grandmama, Cousin Itt and Wednesday Addams. Lurch manages to kill Critters #3-5, but succumbs to the Toxic Avenger who joins the fray. Feral unleashes her claws at Shadow the Hedgehog and destroys him. In response, Feral is set upon and killed by the combined “blues”-Nocturne, Baby Nightcrawler and Nightcrawler.
Rayne meets Kalibak, who easily destroys the vampire hunter. Kalibak then uses his beta club to fire force bolts at the Toxic Avenger. The Toxic Avenger explodes all over his teammates. Kalibak uses his club one more time to fire nerve beams at Little Goombas #6-34. The Goombas reach a frenzied state due to the extreme pain caused by the blast. In a blinding fury, they attack their own. Little Goombas #6-34 and Critters #1-12 kill each other. Before Kalibak can destroy Wingnut and Screwloose, Balrog #5 crashes upward from the sewer’s floor. Balrog #5 uses its fiery whip to grab hold of Kalibak and then its burning sword to cut him in half.
Plains Region
Perfuma uses her powers to create flowers throughout the plains, especially surrounding Beavis, Butthead and Buttchunk.
Beavis: Wow! Wow!! Wow!!!
While the three MTV icons are distracted, Bonk pounces over. The large headed caveman uses his bald head to smash Buttchunk’s face in. Beavis and Butthead are agonizingly amazed at the act and run away. Bonk faces Teddy Boy who spits at him. Bonk is momentarily startled. Game Boy joins Teddy Boy. The two Boys use their abilities to injure Bonk, but Teddy Boy dies in the skirmish and Bonk escapes.
Beavis and Butthead are met by Avalanche. Avalanche uses his mutant abilities to create “waves” on the land around them. Beavis and Butthead laugh and ride the waving land like surfers.
Blastaar: Pull!!!
Avalanche rips the ground from beneath the duo and the two are thrown in the air. Beavis and Butthead become the clay pigeons in Blastaar’s skeet shoot. Blastaar blasts Beavis and Butthead. The two sizzle and explode.
Moritani Soldiers #1-15 fight Samurai #30-40. The two battalions enter into a vicious battle. At the end of the skirmish, Moritani Soldiers #1-4, 7, 10-14 are dead. Samurai #30-32, 34, 37-39 are also dead. Molecule Man uses his powers to finish off the Moritani. Raiden and Kid Thunder finish the remaining Samurai. Zorro gallops by on Mordor Horse #1 and with his blue lightsaber decapitates Kid Thunder. Before Raiden can take his revenge, Mr. Game and Watch intercedes and throws their heat axe at Mordor Horse #1, which falls down, mortally wounded. As the horse falls, it throws Zorro in the air. Zorro is met by Wonder Boy with an Atlas; Zorro is killed, but the Atlas is destroyed by Zorro’s lightsaber. Rintrah comes to the scene and uses his super strength to destroy both Wonder Boy and Mr. Game and Watch, who have lost their weapons in earlier fights.
An injured Bonk sees Slugfest and Overkill in dinosaur mode, along with Godzooky. Bonk’s nightmare has come true. It is only a matter of seconds before he is smashed and torn apart by his dinosaur nemeses. Godzooky then focuses on Perfuma. Perfuma is caught in the smoky haze blown by Godzooky. The last thing Perfuma sees is Godzooky’s saliva dripping maw. Molecule Man recognizes that he cannot affect the Transformers so he uses his powers against Godzooky. Godzooky is ripped apart on a molecular level. The dinosaur Transformers take revenge and maul Molecule Man. Overkill and Slugfest then focus on and destroy Avalanche. Blastaar uses his abilities to blast into Overkill and Slugfest, but is unable to destroy the vicious Transformers. Blastaar is ripped apart and smashed by the two.
Air above
Zombie Josh Houslander rides Zombie Silver Dragon #3. The two zombies steer toward Zombie Laserbeak. The Silver Dragon sprays its cold breath and freezes Zombie Laserbeak. Houslander drives the dragon through the frozen Transformer and destroys Zombie Laserbeak. Zombie Houslander smiles to himself. His victory is short lived as the Righteous Indignation plows through Zombie Silver Dragon #3. The Dragon’s neck is broken and its mangled body falls to the ground. Before Zombie Houslander becomes a land smear, he is saved by Radar. Zombie Houslander rides the super powered dog. Movie Starscream fires upon Radar and Zombie Josh Houslander. Although Radar escapes severe damage, he accidentally drops Houslander in the process. Supreme, Suprema and Radar come together with Mary Embry and G-Girl to destroy (movie) Starscream.
The Righteous Indignation fires upon (and easily takes out) Killer Moth. While the Indignation’s crew focused on Killer Moth, Houslander manages to land on the ship. Houslander uses his zombie strength to rip open a hatch on the ship. Little does Houslander know, Deadeye Duck with a red lightsaber and Captain Bucky O’Hare with a green lightsaber, have been waiting for him, after first hearing the loud ruckus on top of the craft. Houslander is beheaded by the two combatants. O’Hare and Deadeye join the rest of their teammates on the bridge. They see the entire Aerialbot legion approach. Although the skilled piloting of the crew manages to destroy Slingshot and Air Raid, they are killed by the remaining Aerialbots- Silverbolt, Skydive and Fireflight.
Forest Region
Treasure Troll #27 waddles along the tree littered floor. It looks up to see Ewok #50 with a spear falling on top of him. The spear pierces the Troll and it dies, pinned to the forest ground. Ewok #50 is met by Hammer Brothers #3-10. The Hammer Brothers quickly kill Ewok #50, who is no match for the barrage of hammers. Mighty Joe Young and Gorilla Grodd face the Hammer Brothers. Instead of injuring the apes, the hammers only make them upset. Mighty Joe Young and Gorilla Grodd rip apart all Hammer Brothers, but for Hammer Brother #3. Hammer Brother #3 runs away from the fray and is met by Sailor Moon. Moon uses her powers to convince Hammer Brother #3 to kill itself. In response to seeing their Mario brethren killed, Boomerang Brothers #1-10 repeatedly throw their weapons at Moon. Moon is injured and falls to the mossy floor. She is pounced upon by Splinter and Leonardo who kill her. Dark Dragon meets with Splinter and Leonardo, but the combined skills of the martial artist rat and turtle are too much; Dragon is killed.
Pitfall Harry swings on the tree vines. He is met by Rouge the Bat, who is hanging upside down. The two come face to face. Harry is faster and smashes Bat in the face. Harry then grabs the bat in one arm, while holding the vine in the other and suffocates her. He drops the dead bat to the ground below. Goliath the Gargoyle is perched above the vine where Pitfall Harry currently holds. Goliath slices the vine that Harry is holding onto with his claws. Pitfall Harry falls to the floor and breaks his neck; his body lies next to Rouge in an erotic embrace of broken limbs and smashed faces. Rob Bartlett stands on the immense tree branch with a Halberd and swings at Goliath. He wounds the gargoyle. The gargoyle screams in fury and rushes at Bartlett. Doogle jumps on the gargoyle before he reaches Bartlett and the two fall to the ground. They are both impaled on a jutting tree branch. Bartlett stands victorious, but it is short lived as he faces Nemesis Enforcer. Nemesis Enforcer is joined by Grodd, who uses his vast psionic powers to create telekinetic force beams that kill Bartlett.
Bonecrusher (in robot mode) focuses on Boomerang Brothers #1-10. Bonecrusher uses his weaponry to destroy Boomerang Brothers #4-10. The remaining Boomerang Brothers fall behind Decepticons #1-5. The Decepticons, together, are too much for Bonecrusher who is eventually destroyed by their onslaught. Decepticon #2 is destroyed in the melee.
Remaining Decepticons #1, 3-5, Boomerang Brothers #1-3, Darth Techno (Sith Lord #5), Splinter and Leonardo come together. Mighty Joe Young is killed by Decepticons #1, 3-5 along with Splinter and Leonardo. Nonetheless, the ape manages to destroy Decepticons #1 and 4 and Leonardo. Grodd is killed by Darth Techno, but destroys Boomerang Brothers #2-3 and the remaining Decepticons #2-3 and 5. Darth Techno then dispels with Sauron.
Final Battle
The remaining combatants are teleported to a ravaged city located on the Playoff Planet.
The teams are as follows:
Xavier's Annihilation Squad: Ursa, Supergirl, Mary Embry, G-Girl, Supreme and Radar, Suprema, The Eradicator, Spiderwoman, Silver Racer, Speedball, Gladiator, Nemesis Enforcer, The Blob, Tombstone, Rintrah, T-X, The Sinister Six: Sandman, Green Goblin, Dr. Octopus and Electro, The Terrorcons: Hun-Grr, Blot, Cutthroat, Rippersnapper and Sinnertwin, The Aerialbots: Silverbolt, Skydive and Fireflight, Bonecrusher, Darth Scarz, Darth Voltress and Darth Ocron.
The Syracuse Valley: Splinter, Leonardo, Nightcrawler, Boomerang Bros. #1, Xenomorphs #95-100, (movie) Jazz, Sub-Zero, Raiden, (movie) Frenzy (w/ a red lightsaber), Overkill, Slugfest, Shang Tsung, Baby Nightcrawler, Nocturne, Wingnut and Screwloose, Gremlins #1 and 2, Sith Lord #5 (Darth Techno), Balrog #5, and Game Boy.
The battle that transpires is fast and furious. Balrog #5 uses its demonic weapons to destroy the Blob. The meta-warriors come together (Ursa, Supergirl, Embry, G-Girl, Supreme, Suprema, Radar and Gladiator) and defeat Balrog #5. Darth Scarz, Darth Voltress and Darth Ocron face off against Darth Techno. The one Dark Lord is no match for the three others; Techno is killed.
Gremlins #1 and 2 are destroyed by the remaining Sinister Six, but during the battle Electro was ripped apart (while taking out a majority of the Gremlins at the same time). The Terrorcons in Abominus mode, along with Silverbolt, Skydive, Fireflight destroy (movie) Jazz and (movie) Frenzy. In response to their Transformer brethren being defeated, both Overkill and Slugfest manage to dislodge the Terrorcon robots from their Abominus mode. Further, although they are eventually destroyed, Overkill and Slugfest manage to defeat Hun-Grr, Blot and Sinnertwin.
Rintrah and Tombstone take out Wingnut and Screwloose. While they are focused on the TMNT mutants, Xenomorphs #95-100 attack and kill both Tombstone and Rintrah. With one fell swoop, Silver Racer take out all Xenomorphs #95-100.
Shang Tsung uses his mystical powers to destroy Nemesis Enforcer. Radar latches onto Boomerang Brother #1 like a toy and shakes the BB to death. Sub-Zero and Raiden combine their freezing and lightning powers against the super dog. Radar is killed. Supreme and Suprema take revenge and destroy Sub-Zero and Raiden without much of a sweat.
Speedball uses his powers to trip up Game Boy, who falls into the metallic sword of the T-X. Splinter and Leonardo take on the remaining Sinister Six members and Spiderwoman. The duo manages to kill Spiderwoman, but they are in turn, killed by Sandman, Green Goblin and Dr. Octopus.
Shang Tsung kills G-Girl, but is ultimately killed by Gladiator. Nightcrawler, Nocturne and Baby Nightcrawler stare death in the face. It is only a matter of seconds before they are killed by the remaining Squad members. Nightcrawler is killed by the Eradicator. Nocturne manages to kill Green Goblin, but is killed by Ursa. Baby Nightcrawler is skewered and sliced apart by the Darths, with Ocron accepting the final death blow.
The Syracuse Valley: All dead.
Xavier’s Annihilation Squad: Ursa, Supergirl, Mary Embry, Supreme, Suprema, The Eradicator, Silver Racer, Speedball, Gladiator, T-X, Sandman, Dr. Octopus, Cutthroat, Rippersnapper, Silverbolt, Skydive, Fireflight, Bonecrusher, Darth Scarz, Darth Voltress and Darth Ocron alive.
XAVIER’S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!!!
-George Edward Woodberry
I look to the teams during this Week 6 Match on the Playoff Planet. They are as follows:
Xavier's Annihilation Squad: Ursa, Supergirl, Mary Embry, G-Girl, Supreme and Radar, Suprema, The Eradicator, Spider Woman, Silver Racer, Astro Boy, Metron, Molecule Man, Avalanche, Speedball, Kalibak, Feral, Zorro (w/ a blue lightsaber) on Mordor Horse #1, Weapon Omega, Gladiator, Jeannie and Major Nelson, Zombie Josh Houslander on Zombie Silver Dragon #3, Dark Dragon, Sailor Moon, Sauron, Blastaar, Killer Moth, The White Witch, Goliath the Gargoyle, Gorilla Grodd, Mighty Joe Young, Nemesis Enforcer, Shinobi and Yamato, Bonk, Windhammer, Ninja Gaiden, Hammerhand, Topspinner, Ram Bam, Cruncher, Cactus Head, The Blob, Boulder, Granite, Tombstone, Kevin (Sin City), Demolition Man, Perfuma, Rintrah, Minotaurs #1-7, Rouge the Bat, T-X, Silver Samurai, Samurai #30-40, The Sinister Six: Sandman, Green Goblin, Dr. Octopus, Mysterio, Vulture and Electro, The Terrorcons: Hun-Grr, Blot, Cutthroat, Rippersnapper and Sinnertwin, The Aerialbots: Silverbolt, Skydive, Fireflight, Slingshot and Air Raid, Bonecrusher, Barricade, Brainstorm and Arcana, Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, Darth Scarz, Darth Voltress, Darth Ocron, Ancient Sith Lords #1-7 and 15, Sith Lord #8, The Addams Family: Gomez (w/ a green lightsaber), Morticia, Pugsley, Wednesday, Uncle Fester (w/ a green lightsaber), Grandmama, Lurch, Cousin Itt, and Thing and Ewok #50.
The Syracuse Valley: Scooter, Splinter, Leonardo, Venus Demilo, Nightcrawler, Hammer Bros. #3-10, Boomerang Bros. #1-10, Fire Bros. #4-10, Giant Hammer Bros. #1-10, Xenomorphs #95-100, Dash Rendar in a Tie Bomber, Young Anakin Skywalker (w/ a blue lightsaber) and Kister in Gas Gasgano's Podracer, Jedi Guardian #3, Jedi Padawan #37 and Leebo in a Y-Wing Bomber, (movie) Megatron, (movie) Starscream, (movie) Jazz, Sub-Zero, Raiden w/ Kid Thunder, Soundblaster w/ Zombie Rumble, (movie) Frenzy (w/ a red lightsaber), (movie) Ravage, Zombie Laserbeak, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawktalk and Beastbox, Fast Forward, (movie) Wheely, The Decepticon Spy Bug, Mr. Game and Watch (w/ a Heat Axe), Shang Tsung, Wonder Boy (w/ an Atlas), Baby Nightcrawler, Nocturne, Rayne, Wald, Beavis, Butthead, Buttchunk, Guille, Wingnut and Screwloose, Crasher, Rob Bartlett (w/ a Halberd), Doogle, Robocop, Godzooky, Billy Mays, Shadow the Hedgehog, Human Smoke, Scorpion, Decepticons #1-5, Gremlins #1 and 2, The Crew of The Righteous Indignation: Capt. Bucky O'Hare (w/ a green lightsaber), Deadeye Duck (w/ a red lightsaber), Bruiser, Willy Duwitt, Pilot Jenny, AFC Blinkie and Commander (and Head Coach) Dogstar in The Righteous Indignation, The Toxic Avenger, Critters #1-12, Decepticon Decoys #1-5, Peppy Hare in a Tie Interceptor, James McCloud in a Tie Interceptor, Autobots #6-10, Karai, Teddy Boy, Navy Sailors #60-99, Little Goombas #6-34, Sith Lord #5 (Darth Techno), Moritani Soldiers #1-15, Kree Soldiers #1-50, Balrog #5, Treasure Troll #27, Gordon Barbo, Frank the Tank, Bran, Glass Joe, Johnny Cage, Jax, Kid Chameleon, Game Boy, Mappy, Pitfall Harry, Jimmy Lee, King Hippo, The Eggplant Wizard, Homer Simpson, Agamemnon and Menelaeus, McGruff the Crime Dog and Sam Malone.
Let the Battle begin. . . .
Space Region
Metron rides through space in his Mobius chair. The passive observer notes the fighters that quickly approach. With pinpoint accuracy, both Dash Rendar in a Tie Bomber and Jedi Guardian #3, Jedi Padawan #37 and Leebo in a Y-Wing Bomber, drop both their orbital mines and proton bombs on the chair. The barrage of weapons rips the chair apart. The demigod is thrown through space. Metron sees Peppy Hare in a Tie Interceptor and James McCloud in a Tie Interceptor race toward him. He is riddled with a barrage of laser fire. Although Metron is a demigod, his pacifist nature reconciles that his death is warranted in this instance and dies.
Astro Boy is met by Kree Soldiers #1-50, in protective space gear. The blue faced warriors swarm Astro Boy and tear him apart. Silver Racer uses his amalgamated powers to defeat the entire Kree army, Kree Soldiers #1-50. The three Kryptonians- Ursa, Supergirl and Eradicator focus on the ships that obliterated Metron. Ursa destroys Peppy Hare in her Tie Interceptor. Supergirl destroys James McCloud in his Tie Interceptor. The Eradicator destroys Dash Rendar in his Tie Bomber. The Kryptonians then join forces with the Silver Racer and rip apart the Y-Wing. Jedi Guardian #3, Jedi Padawan #37 and Leebo are destroyed with their ship.
Desert Region
Cactus Head sees Young Anakin Skywalker (w/ a blue lightsaber) and Kister in Gas Gasgano's Podracer approach. Skywalker’s superior piloting skills allow him to whip the Podracer’s cockpit around so that Skywalker is allowed to slice off the head of Cactus Head. Wald cheers Anakin on. Wald jumps up for joy at the sight of the beheading. Wald’s feet do not land back on the ground as Rippersnapper reaches his body in the air and rips him apart. In response to Wald’s death, (movie) Ravage attempts to battle the Terrorcon. Unfortunately, the entire Terrorcon clan rushes to assist their teammate and destroys the cycloptic jaguar.
Agamemnon and Menelaeus rush at the Minotaurs #1-7. Minotaurs #1-3 and 7 are killed by the Trojan Warriors. The Minotaurs then decide to focus on only one combatant-Menelaeus. Minotaurs #4-6 kill Menelaeus. In a revenge driven frenzy, Agamemnon leads Decepticon Decoys #1-5 against Minotaurs #4-6 and finishes them off. Boulder and Granite burst from the sand and attack Agamemnon and Decepticon Decoys #1-5. The Rock Lords are victorious in their battle; Agamemnon is killed and Decepticon Decoys #1-5 are destroyed.
Anakin Skywalker and Kister remain in their Podracer and focus on Jeannie and Major Nelson. Skywalker uses the same attack move used on Cactus Head to behead Nelson. Nelson’s headless body drops Jeannie’s lamp in the sand.
Jeannie: Master!!!!
Kister jumps out of the Podracer and crushes the bottle. Jeannie explodes in a puff of smoke. As Kister is about to jump into the Podracer again, he is met by the Rock Lords. Granite smashes Kister while Boulder manages to wreck the Podracer. Anakin leaps out of the Podracer with his blue lightsaber ignited. The young warrior is joined by Soundblaster and Zombie Rumble. Soundblaster and Zombie Rumble (in robot form) destroy both Boulder and Granite. The Terrorcons continue their ravenous reign and rip through Soundblaster, Zombie Rumble and Young Anakin.
Water Region
The Thundercat Berserkers- Hammerhead, Topspinner, Ram Bam and Cruncher tread water. Topspinner, Ram Bam and Cruncher see Venus Demilo and are mystified at her beauty. Hammerhead swims over to the scantily clad Demilo and drowns her. He knows that her essence is a distraction that must be quashed. Across the waters they see Navy Sailors #60-99. They also see Gremlin #1 on Homer Simpson, who is floating on his back and Gremlin #2 on King Hippo, who is floating on his back. Navy Sailors #60-99 swarm the Berserker pirates. Punching, dunking and drowning ensue between the combatants. Topspinner and Cruncher are killed, but so are the entire battalion of Sailors. Hammerhead swims up to King Hippo and Ram Bam swims up to Homer Simpson. The Berserkers kill the two and leave Hippo and Simpson floating face down in the water. In the process of the two bulbous bellied buffoons’ deaths, the Gremlins fall into the water and multiply. Hammerhead and Ram Bam are ripped apart by the furious fury combatants. Gremlins #1 and 2 lead over one hundred of the creatures to land, where they await the next battle.
City Region
Frank the Tank, Gordon Barbo and Bran run in their underwear down the battlefield’s main street. Barbo is a sight to be seen, singing “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly!” They do not see the Blob in front of them. The three run straight into the gelatinous monster, are consumed and die.
The martial artist warriors come together in a grand Mortal Kombat-type scene. The combatants say words that do not appear to line up with their mouths. Their battle is elegant and the fighters appear to be harnessed on wires as they fight one another. The Squad’s Shinobi and Yamato, Ninja Gaiden and Silver Samurai face off against Sub-Zero, Shang Tsung, Guille, Johhny Cage, Human Smoke, Karai, Jax and Jimmy Lee. At the end of the fight, the only warriors standing are Sub-Zero and Shang Tsung.
Glass Joe, Kid Chameleon, Mappy, Sam Malone, McGruff the Crime Dog and the Eggplant Wizard join forces. They face Kevin (Sin City), T-X and Tombstone. Kevin runs at and slashes Glass Joe. Glass Joe falls dead. Kevin then races at Sam Malone who is more worried about his hair then defending himself. Malone is killed. Before Kevin is able to reach a “hat trick,” the Eggplant Wizard throws a projectile. The blob turns Kevin’s head into an eggplant; Kevin dies. Tombstone pounces upon Mappy and rips the mouse crime stopper’s head off with his teeth. In response to his fellow policeman’s death, McGruff the Crime Dog launches himself at Tombstone. Tombstone catches him in midflight by the neck and breaks it with one hand. Meanwhile, the gynoid assassin T-X uses its arm as a weapon and blasts both Kid Chameleon and Eggplant Wizard.
In another match-up, this time robots only, (movie) Jazz, (movie) Frenzy with a red lightsaber, (movie) Wheely, Scooter and Crasher face Barricade, Brainstorm and Arcana, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe. As the martial art scene was much truncated, so too will be the robot fight. Thus, after a pitched battle of robotic brawn and bashing, the last robots standing are (movie) Frenzy and (movie) Jazz.
Robocop, Scorpion and Billy Mays stand side by side. They face Spiderwoman, Speedball, Windhammer and Demolition Man. Mays looks at Robocop.
Mays: Hi. Billy Mays here! We are about to die!
Windhammer uses his tuning fork to create a turbulent weather pattern. Large balls of hail and heavy rains pour over the combatants. The winds force Billy Mays to hold onto a lamp post. The intense gale force cause Mays’ feet to rise in the air. He lets go and is caught in a web created by Spiderwoman. Caught in the web, he looks to Demolition Man, who is lowering his gun.
Mays: Hi. Billy Mays here! Now it’s time to die!
Mays is shot between the eyes by Demolition Man. Demolition Man turns around and is met by the Scorpion’s tail. The Scorpion smashes Demolition Man, who crumples dead in the street. Scorpion then smashes Speedball with his tail. Speedball absorbs the kinetic energy and hits Scorpion back. Scorpion flies into a wall from the blow. Robocop, due to his robotic weight is not immediately affected by the weather and hits Windhammer with a barrage of gunfire; Windhammer dies. The entire Sinister Six clan erupts on the battlefield and quickly dispels with both Robocop and Scorpion. Nonetheless, in the fray Mysterio and Vulture are killed.
Arctic Region
The snowy tundra’s flakes whip across the battlefield. Sith Lord #8 rushes at the Valley team. He is met by Giant Hammer Brothers #1-10. Although the Sith Lord manages to deflect a majority of the hammers, soon, the tool projectiles begin to reach the force wielder. Sith Lord #8 eventually weakens and is killed at the pummeling. Ancient Sith Lords #1-7 and 15 see their fallen comrade and combine forces to slice and dice through the entire Giant Hammer Brother clan; all Giant Hammer Brothers #1-10 are killed. The Ancient Sith Lords then face Autobots #6-10. Autobots #6 and 9 are destroyed. Ancient Sith Lords #2-4, 7 and 15 are killed. Darth Scarz, Darth Voltress and Darth Ocron finish the work of the Ancients and destroy remaining Autobots #7-8 and 10.
Fire Brothers #4-10 throw fireballs at the White Witch. Although the barrage of flame balls wound her, she uses her wand to turn Fire Brothers #7-10 into stone. The remaining Fire Brothers run away so that they can regroup. They are met by Weapon Omega. Weapon Omega uses his energy blasts to blast into the snow beneath Fire Brothers #4-6’s feet. The Darths rush toward the Fire Brothers. Darth Scarz kills Fire Brother #4. Darth Voltress kills Fire Brother #5. Darth Ocron kills Fire Brother #6.
Remaining Ancient Sith Lords #1, 5-6 destroy Fast Forward. They are, in turn, killed by Beast Box and Squawktalk. The Transformers change into their beast modes. Weapon Omega fires at the soaring Squawktalk and the Transformer crashes to the icy ground. Gladiator uses his heat vision to burn a hole around Squawktalk. The snow becomes a liquid mess. Gladiator then uses his freeze breath to encase Squawktalk. Squawktalk’s energy drains and it powers down forever. Beastbox, in gorilla form, punches Gladiator across the tundra. Gladiator shakes off the blow and joins Weapon Omega. Gladiator smashes Beastbox and Weapon Omega provides the death blow.
Megatron (movie) comes to the scene and faces the remaining Slaves. The White Witch uses her sorcery powers to hold Megatron in place. The Transformer eventually breaks through the spell and crushes the White Witch. He then uses his weaponry on Weapon Omega. Weapon Omega is ripped apart, but in a hari-kari act, crashes into Megatron at full “energy-induced” speed. The robot is damaged and falls to its knees. The Darths combine their force skills and through both lightning and lightsabers, along with Gladiator’s assistance, defeat and destroy Megatron.
Underground-City Sewers
The Decepticon Spy Bug skittles ahead of its Valley teammates to do reconnaissance. The last item it sees before being stepped on is a large greenish humanoid-Lurch. Lurch steps on and destroys the Spy Bug. Nightcrawler, Baby Nightcrawler and Nocturne teleport into the midst of the Addams family. Nightcrawler kills Morticia and Pugsley. Baby Nightcrawler kills Thing. Nocturne uses her hex bolts to strike both Gomez and Uncle Fester. While the two manage to block a majority of the bolts, they are unable to avoid them all. Both are wounded. Gomez and Uncle Fester are then rushed at and torn apart by Xenomorphs #95-100. Critters #1-12 come to the scene and kill Grandmama, Cousin Itt and Wednesday Addams. Lurch manages to kill Critters #3-5, but succumbs to the Toxic Avenger who joins the fray. Feral unleashes her claws at Shadow the Hedgehog and destroys him. In response, Feral is set upon and killed by the combined “blues”-Nocturne, Baby Nightcrawler and Nightcrawler.
Rayne meets Kalibak, who easily destroys the vampire hunter. Kalibak then uses his beta club to fire force bolts at the Toxic Avenger. The Toxic Avenger explodes all over his teammates. Kalibak uses his club one more time to fire nerve beams at Little Goombas #6-34. The Goombas reach a frenzied state due to the extreme pain caused by the blast. In a blinding fury, they attack their own. Little Goombas #6-34 and Critters #1-12 kill each other. Before Kalibak can destroy Wingnut and Screwloose, Balrog #5 crashes upward from the sewer’s floor. Balrog #5 uses its fiery whip to grab hold of Kalibak and then its burning sword to cut him in half.
Plains Region
Perfuma uses her powers to create flowers throughout the plains, especially surrounding Beavis, Butthead and Buttchunk.
Beavis: Wow! Wow!! Wow!!!
While the three MTV icons are distracted, Bonk pounces over. The large headed caveman uses his bald head to smash Buttchunk’s face in. Beavis and Butthead are agonizingly amazed at the act and run away. Bonk faces Teddy Boy who spits at him. Bonk is momentarily startled. Game Boy joins Teddy Boy. The two Boys use their abilities to injure Bonk, but Teddy Boy dies in the skirmish and Bonk escapes.
Beavis and Butthead are met by Avalanche. Avalanche uses his mutant abilities to create “waves” on the land around them. Beavis and Butthead laugh and ride the waving land like surfers.
Blastaar: Pull!!!
Avalanche rips the ground from beneath the duo and the two are thrown in the air. Beavis and Butthead become the clay pigeons in Blastaar’s skeet shoot. Blastaar blasts Beavis and Butthead. The two sizzle and explode.
Moritani Soldiers #1-15 fight Samurai #30-40. The two battalions enter into a vicious battle. At the end of the skirmish, Moritani Soldiers #1-4, 7, 10-14 are dead. Samurai #30-32, 34, 37-39 are also dead. Molecule Man uses his powers to finish off the Moritani. Raiden and Kid Thunder finish the remaining Samurai. Zorro gallops by on Mordor Horse #1 and with his blue lightsaber decapitates Kid Thunder. Before Raiden can take his revenge, Mr. Game and Watch intercedes and throws their heat axe at Mordor Horse #1, which falls down, mortally wounded. As the horse falls, it throws Zorro in the air. Zorro is met by Wonder Boy with an Atlas; Zorro is killed, but the Atlas is destroyed by Zorro’s lightsaber. Rintrah comes to the scene and uses his super strength to destroy both Wonder Boy and Mr. Game and Watch, who have lost their weapons in earlier fights.
An injured Bonk sees Slugfest and Overkill in dinosaur mode, along with Godzooky. Bonk’s nightmare has come true. It is only a matter of seconds before he is smashed and torn apart by his dinosaur nemeses. Godzooky then focuses on Perfuma. Perfuma is caught in the smoky haze blown by Godzooky. The last thing Perfuma sees is Godzooky’s saliva dripping maw. Molecule Man recognizes that he cannot affect the Transformers so he uses his powers against Godzooky. Godzooky is ripped apart on a molecular level. The dinosaur Transformers take revenge and maul Molecule Man. Overkill and Slugfest then focus on and destroy Avalanche. Blastaar uses his abilities to blast into Overkill and Slugfest, but is unable to destroy the vicious Transformers. Blastaar is ripped apart and smashed by the two.
Air above
Zombie Josh Houslander rides Zombie Silver Dragon #3. The two zombies steer toward Zombie Laserbeak. The Silver Dragon sprays its cold breath and freezes Zombie Laserbeak. Houslander drives the dragon through the frozen Transformer and destroys Zombie Laserbeak. Zombie Houslander smiles to himself. His victory is short lived as the Righteous Indignation plows through Zombie Silver Dragon #3. The Dragon’s neck is broken and its mangled body falls to the ground. Before Zombie Houslander becomes a land smear, he is saved by Radar. Zombie Houslander rides the super powered dog. Movie Starscream fires upon Radar and Zombie Josh Houslander. Although Radar escapes severe damage, he accidentally drops Houslander in the process. Supreme, Suprema and Radar come together with Mary Embry and G-Girl to destroy (movie) Starscream.
The Righteous Indignation fires upon (and easily takes out) Killer Moth. While the Indignation’s crew focused on Killer Moth, Houslander manages to land on the ship. Houslander uses his zombie strength to rip open a hatch on the ship. Little does Houslander know, Deadeye Duck with a red lightsaber and Captain Bucky O’Hare with a green lightsaber, have been waiting for him, after first hearing the loud ruckus on top of the craft. Houslander is beheaded by the two combatants. O’Hare and Deadeye join the rest of their teammates on the bridge. They see the entire Aerialbot legion approach. Although the skilled piloting of the crew manages to destroy Slingshot and Air Raid, they are killed by the remaining Aerialbots- Silverbolt, Skydive and Fireflight.
Forest Region
Treasure Troll #27 waddles along the tree littered floor. It looks up to see Ewok #50 with a spear falling on top of him. The spear pierces the Troll and it dies, pinned to the forest ground. Ewok #50 is met by Hammer Brothers #3-10. The Hammer Brothers quickly kill Ewok #50, who is no match for the barrage of hammers. Mighty Joe Young and Gorilla Grodd face the Hammer Brothers. Instead of injuring the apes, the hammers only make them upset. Mighty Joe Young and Gorilla Grodd rip apart all Hammer Brothers, but for Hammer Brother #3. Hammer Brother #3 runs away from the fray and is met by Sailor Moon. Moon uses her powers to convince Hammer Brother #3 to kill itself. In response to seeing their Mario brethren killed, Boomerang Brothers #1-10 repeatedly throw their weapons at Moon. Moon is injured and falls to the mossy floor. She is pounced upon by Splinter and Leonardo who kill her. Dark Dragon meets with Splinter and Leonardo, but the combined skills of the martial artist rat and turtle are too much; Dragon is killed.
Pitfall Harry swings on the tree vines. He is met by Rouge the Bat, who is hanging upside down. The two come face to face. Harry is faster and smashes Bat in the face. Harry then grabs the bat in one arm, while holding the vine in the other and suffocates her. He drops the dead bat to the ground below. Goliath the Gargoyle is perched above the vine where Pitfall Harry currently holds. Goliath slices the vine that Harry is holding onto with his claws. Pitfall Harry falls to the floor and breaks his neck; his body lies next to Rouge in an erotic embrace of broken limbs and smashed faces. Rob Bartlett stands on the immense tree branch with a Halberd and swings at Goliath. He wounds the gargoyle. The gargoyle screams in fury and rushes at Bartlett. Doogle jumps on the gargoyle before he reaches Bartlett and the two fall to the ground. They are both impaled on a jutting tree branch. Bartlett stands victorious, but it is short lived as he faces Nemesis Enforcer. Nemesis Enforcer is joined by Grodd, who uses his vast psionic powers to create telekinetic force beams that kill Bartlett.
Bonecrusher (in robot mode) focuses on Boomerang Brothers #1-10. Bonecrusher uses his weaponry to destroy Boomerang Brothers #4-10. The remaining Boomerang Brothers fall behind Decepticons #1-5. The Decepticons, together, are too much for Bonecrusher who is eventually destroyed by their onslaught. Decepticon #2 is destroyed in the melee.
Remaining Decepticons #1, 3-5, Boomerang Brothers #1-3, Darth Techno (Sith Lord #5), Splinter and Leonardo come together. Mighty Joe Young is killed by Decepticons #1, 3-5 along with Splinter and Leonardo. Nonetheless, the ape manages to destroy Decepticons #1 and 4 and Leonardo. Grodd is killed by Darth Techno, but destroys Boomerang Brothers #2-3 and the remaining Decepticons #2-3 and 5. Darth Techno then dispels with Sauron.
Final Battle
The remaining combatants are teleported to a ravaged city located on the Playoff Planet.
The teams are as follows:
Xavier's Annihilation Squad: Ursa, Supergirl, Mary Embry, G-Girl, Supreme and Radar, Suprema, The Eradicator, Spiderwoman, Silver Racer, Speedball, Gladiator, Nemesis Enforcer, The Blob, Tombstone, Rintrah, T-X, The Sinister Six: Sandman, Green Goblin, Dr. Octopus and Electro, The Terrorcons: Hun-Grr, Blot, Cutthroat, Rippersnapper and Sinnertwin, The Aerialbots: Silverbolt, Skydive and Fireflight, Bonecrusher, Darth Scarz, Darth Voltress and Darth Ocron.
The Syracuse Valley: Splinter, Leonardo, Nightcrawler, Boomerang Bros. #1, Xenomorphs #95-100, (movie) Jazz, Sub-Zero, Raiden, (movie) Frenzy (w/ a red lightsaber), Overkill, Slugfest, Shang Tsung, Baby Nightcrawler, Nocturne, Wingnut and Screwloose, Gremlins #1 and 2, Sith Lord #5 (Darth Techno), Balrog #5, and Game Boy.
The battle that transpires is fast and furious. Balrog #5 uses its demonic weapons to destroy the Blob. The meta-warriors come together (Ursa, Supergirl, Embry, G-Girl, Supreme, Suprema, Radar and Gladiator) and defeat Balrog #5. Darth Scarz, Darth Voltress and Darth Ocron face off against Darth Techno. The one Dark Lord is no match for the three others; Techno is killed.
Gremlins #1 and 2 are destroyed by the remaining Sinister Six, but during the battle Electro was ripped apart (while taking out a majority of the Gremlins at the same time). The Terrorcons in Abominus mode, along with Silverbolt, Skydive, Fireflight destroy (movie) Jazz and (movie) Frenzy. In response to their Transformer brethren being defeated, both Overkill and Slugfest manage to dislodge the Terrorcon robots from their Abominus mode. Further, although they are eventually destroyed, Overkill and Slugfest manage to defeat Hun-Grr, Blot and Sinnertwin.
Rintrah and Tombstone take out Wingnut and Screwloose. While they are focused on the TMNT mutants, Xenomorphs #95-100 attack and kill both Tombstone and Rintrah. With one fell swoop, Silver Racer take out all Xenomorphs #95-100.
Shang Tsung uses his mystical powers to destroy Nemesis Enforcer. Radar latches onto Boomerang Brother #1 like a toy and shakes the BB to death. Sub-Zero and Raiden combine their freezing and lightning powers against the super dog. Radar is killed. Supreme and Suprema take revenge and destroy Sub-Zero and Raiden without much of a sweat.
Speedball uses his powers to trip up Game Boy, who falls into the metallic sword of the T-X. Splinter and Leonardo take on the remaining Sinister Six members and Spiderwoman. The duo manages to kill Spiderwoman, but they are in turn, killed by Sandman, Green Goblin and Dr. Octopus.
Shang Tsung kills G-Girl, but is ultimately killed by Gladiator. Nightcrawler, Nocturne and Baby Nightcrawler stare death in the face. It is only a matter of seconds before they are killed by the remaining Squad members. Nightcrawler is killed by the Eradicator. Nocturne manages to kill Green Goblin, but is killed by Ursa. Baby Nightcrawler is skewered and sliced apart by the Darths, with Ocron accepting the final death blow.
The Syracuse Valley: All dead.
Xavier’s Annihilation Squad: Ursa, Supergirl, Mary Embry, Supreme, Suprema, The Eradicator, Silver Racer, Speedball, Gladiator, T-X, Sandman, Dr. Octopus, Cutthroat, Rippersnapper, Silverbolt, Skydive, Fireflight, Bonecrusher, Darth Scarz, Darth Voltress and Darth Ocron alive.
XAVIER’S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!!!
Season Three: Week Six: Le' Napoleon Brigade vs. The Right Wing
Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. The Right Wing
“You know women, mate. Like monkeys, they are - won't let go of one branch until they've got hold of the next.” -Sean Ambrose
The Brigade is Golden Age Wonder Woman in her Invisible Jet, Jetfire & Jetstorm, Red Lantern #3, Metallo, (Kingdom Come) Flash, Obi Wan Kenobi, Wonder Woman, Skyfire, Alan Scott, Jedi Knight #23A-@6A, Silver Dragon #4-15, The Jetsons: George, Jane, Judy, Elroy, Astro, Rosey, & Orbitty, Jaws, Jaws 2, Glinda the Good Witch, Guy Gardner (w/ Yellow Power Ring), Power Girl, Red Devil, Black Hand, Stass Allie, Jania Solo, Aquagirl, Grape Ape, Jack the Giant Killer, Spider Girl, Nightstar, Emperor Palpatine, Man at Arms & Teela, Aragorn, Velociraptor #31-42, John McClane (w/ 2 green light sabers), Poison Ivy, Morpheus, Kwisatz Haderach Duncan Idaho Ghola #12, Army Soldier #101-124, Catwoman, Evil Lynn, Karg, Skeletor's Crack Troops #1-15, Marcellus Wallace, Arwen Evenstar, Penguin, The Lochness Monster, Storm Trooper #51-87, Vito Corleone, Santino Corleone (w/ a red light saber), Horse #27-32, Atreides Soldier #1-6, Even Piel, Maverick & Goose in a Stealth Bomber, The Sando Aqua Monster, Darth Nihilus, Modulock, Baron Fel in a Tie Bomber, Atrocitus, & Chriselon.
The Right Wing is Superwoman, Silver Surfer, Zeus, Red She-Hulk, The Volturi: Aro (w/ a red light saber), Caius, & Marcus, Lady Volturi, Prometheus, Jool Nooret, Blue Lantern #2, The Quilete Tribe: Sam, Paul, Jared, & Quil, Sleepwalker, The Cosmic Hulk Robot, Victoria (w/ a red light saber), Lyra the She Hulk (w/ a green light saber), Blackfire, Jedi Knight #1A (that's Gary), 2A-5A, Jedi Master #18A-23A, Athena, Agent #1 & 2, Droid Fighter Ship #2-20, Slimer, Eros, Gold Dragon #10-12, 14, & 15, Qunilon Vos, Warpath, Red Sonja, The Pantheon: Agamemnon, Achilles, Ajax, Andromeda, Atalanta, Cassiopeia, Delphi, Hector, Jason, Paris, Perseus, Prometheus, Ulysses I, & Ulysses II, Darth Malack, Shintor Beerus, Red Tornado, Black Panther, Skarr son of Hulk (w/ a green light saber), Elephant #1-10, Titanium Man, Bulkhead, Pegasus, Korg, Ninja #1-15, Sand, Mossman, Drusilla, Doc Samson, Army Soldier #131-136, & Ulysses S. Grant (w/ Mandlorian Armor).
Air, ground, space, water, you get the picture. The playoff planet is a brutal place that can stretch any team to its limit. Strength and power can only get you so far, for on this planet, depth is the name of the game. The two teams in front of me are incredibly even. Both have power and strength to match each other, so seeing a victor come out of this one will truly be a sight to see. As the planet is vast, I will bring you one terrain at a time. It looks like both teams are covering every terrain evenly, which means we may be in for a long one.
I will try for the cliff notes version of this story, but as usual, I make no promises.
The Battle on the Ground
This seems to be where the brunt of the team’s armies are located, so I would imagine this is where the majority of the action will take place. I hear the sound of a group of horse’s coming up the way. It looks like there are six people on horseback coming up; a couple of the people riding even have light sabers. It looks kind of awesome actually. It looks like it is John McClane, Aragorn, Marcellus Wallace, Arwen, Vito Corleone and Santino Corleone. McClane and Santino have light sabers, in fact, McClane has two of them. They are quickly met up by The Volturi and the Cosmic Hulk Robot.
John McClane is able to cut the head off of Caius, but is easily over powered by the Hulk robot. The robotic Hulk then crushes both Corleone’s, ending their lives immediately. Arwen then rides up behind Marcus and places her sword in the back of his neck. Aro sees this and decides him and his lady shall seek vengeance for this transgression. The Lady quickly jumps on Arwen’s horse and feeds the elfish woman thoughts of her own happiness, which takes her mind away from the match just long enough for Aro to plunge his light saber into her chest as she passes him by. As Arwen’s now dead body laid waste on the battlefield, Aragorn rides over to it to see if his true love is once and for all dead. As soon as he sees this he completely loses all sense of decency and goes on a killing rampage that leaves the remaining members of the Volturi tribe not so much sparkly, but just plain dead. The still bloodthirsty Aragorn immediately set his sites on the Hulk Robot, but before his stupidity got the best of him, Chriselon jumped in and took care of the robot for him. Chriselon, in all his disco ball glory, encased the robotic menace in an energy ball and collapsed it on itself. Killing the robot once and for all. Aragorn then looked over at the coked out disco queen and said, “Nice kill, but I could have handled that myself”. The flamboyant Green Lantern took little notice of his comment and went off to fight another battle. Aragorn then got back on his horse and told Marcellus Wallace to follow him back to the main battle.
The main battle on the ground consisted of Obi-Wan Kenobi, Alan Scott and Power Girl going up against Warpath, Red Tornado and Shintor Beerus. I am not quite sure how long this battle is going to take, so I will go to someone else right now. Oh look, the Red She-Hulk just crushed Morpheus’s head. I’m guessing that he is probably dead. Looks like Jool Nooret just beat the life out of Glinda the Good Witch and The Brigade’s Jedi Knight’s are facing off against The Right Wing’s Jedi Knight’s and Master’s. Jedi Master #18A just killed Jedi Knight #24A. Oh I’ll just wait until there done fighting to report this one.
Oh this fight was fair. Man at Arms and Teela just got embarrassed by Red She-Hulk and The Quilete Tribe of Sam, Paul, Jared and Quil. By embarrassed I naturally mean slaughtered, but I think you get the picture. Oh look, it’s Great Ape. I think all of the Right Wing’s hulk members are going after the big lug. The big ape is ready for them though, as he takes a battle stance and charges right for them. On his way over to fight the hulk’s, Grape Ape managed to step on and kill Agent’s #1 & 2. When the giant ape finally met up with the hulk’s the battle lasted some time. Though he was able to kill Lyra the She-Hulk, Red She-Hulk and the Hulk’s son eventually took down Grape Ape. Skarr, the son of Hulk, finished the great ape off with a light saber strike to the heart.
Darth Malack and Darth Nihilus were locked in battle at this time as well and it looks like Eros has made Jack the Giant Killer fall in love with Spider Girl, who looks rather annoyed at the love struck Cornish man. This part of the match is boring me right now, so I am going to check out what else is going on in the match.
Air Battle
It looks like this is well under way as Zeus is having a blast (Get it), knocking people out of the sky with lightening bolts. He has already managed to kill Jetfire and Skyfire and has badly damaged the Jetson’s flying car. Metallo is locked in a brutal battle with Titanium Man and Bulkhead is having one hell of a time trying to kill all of the Silver Dragon’s. He has killed Silver Dragon’s #8-11 already, but is having a hard time finishing them off. Luckily for him he has plenty of Gold Dragon’s on his side, so he has some help. Both team’s Dragon’s are lighting up the sky; spraying dude ji…ah I mean, fire everywhere. In the end only Gold Dragon’s #14 and 15 are left flying. Silver Dragon’s final deaths looked like they came from Gold Dragon #10, who went out in a literal blaze of glory to kill them. Bulkhead narrowly escaped the Dragon war, but was killed moment’s later when he was caught in the middle of the Lantern fight that was going on between Red Lantern #3 and Blue Lantern #2. I’ll credit the Red Lantern with Bulkhead’s death, along with the death of the Blue Lantern as well.
The fight between Metallo and Titanium Man was a doozy as well and were it not for the fact that Pegasus joined in on the fight, the battle may have lasted forever. Luckily for me though, I got to see Pegasus jam his spear right through the face of the metallic abomination, ending his role in this battle. This part looks like it is coming down to its last couple of people, but before it finishes off completely; I am going to check out a couple other places.
Water
Hmm, it looks like it is all Brigade members and no Right Wingers. I suppose the Brigade thought her opponent might start some of her water characters this week, I guess not. Brigade wins this round?
Desert
Army Soldiers #101-124 go up against Army Soldiers #131-136 and Ninja’s #1-15. The battle is just okay, not really anything worth watching. In the end Ninja’s #5, 8 and 15 are still standing. Ulysses S. Grant along with Athena lead a charge with Elephant’s #1-10, Korg, Red Sonja and the remaining Ninja’s against Skeletor’s Crack Troopers #1-15, Evil Lynn, Karg and the Atreides Soldiers #1-6. Grant was able to kill Evil Lynn and Karg pretty easily with his sweet armor and weapon’s but was overwhelmed and defeated after meeting up with several Atreides Soldiers at once. Red Sonja found the Crack Troopers to be easy targets as well, killing several of them in a very short period of time. The remaining ninja’s took care of the rest of the Crack Troopers but were then killed off by the Atreides Soldiers. Though the Atreides soldiers were able to fight admirably during this match, they were just too tired and wiped out to take on the remaining members of the Right Wing and were eventually laid to rest by Red Sonja and Korg.
It looked like this part of the match was easily going to go to the Right Wing, but before they were able to begin heading back to aid the rest of their team, they were faced with an opponent that they would find impossible to defeat. The Kwisatz Haderach Duncan Idaho Ghola #12 may have looked like a man, but what he did to the remaining Right Wing members was far more than any mere mortal could ever dream of. Red Sonja tried to attack Idaho, but was instantly thrown back into the desert sand. Before she was able to get back up, Idaho was standing over her, crushing in her skull. As Korg and Athena were watching their teammate being killed, they too were faced with the “one who can be in many places at once” and were too killed by the near perfect creature. Idaho then exterminated the remaining Elephant’s and headed off to aid his team elsewhere. Though as he was leaving, Sand from the Right Wing formed behind Duncan Idaho and displaced the sand below him, dropping him far beneath the surface of the desert. Though things looked good for Sand, this Duncan Idaho wasn’t going to go down so easily. I’ll check back to see the finished product.
Arctic
Can you say blow out. Though Even Piel of the Brigade was able to kill Slimer, that was pretty much it on this front. Delphi and Hector were both suffering from blaster wounds to the stomach, but that was about it. Even Piel lead Storm Troopers #51-87 against the entire Pantheon and trust me when I say they did not live to tell the tale. I knew it was going to be a blow out when the first person that was killed on the Brigade was Even Piel. He went right in for the kill on Agamemnon, but had his neck snapped by the teenage god. From that point on it was a massacre that ended in the deaths of all 37 Storm Troopers. Delphi and Hectors wounds would heal quickly, fast enough for them to join the rest of their teammates for the final battle.
Space
Now for the battle you were all waiting for. Normally the Silver Surfer would look at any space battle and think to himself “No Problem”, but this one wasn’t going to be so easy. He didn’t usually face opponent’s quite as good as the ones that he was going to have to face right now. As a pre-emptive strike, he sent out Droid Fighter ships #2-20. He was hoping they would be able to take out at least one of his opponent’s, to which they did. Droid Fighter’s #2-6 were able to kill Modulok as he attempted to disguise himself as another Droid Fighter ship. The Surfer was able to convince the Droid ships to attack the shape shifting being, ending in it’s destruction. Though Droid Fighter’s #2-6 were able to over power Modulok, they were no match for Baron Fel in his Tie Bomber. The same could also be said for Droid Fighter’s #11, 12, 14, 16 and 20 as the expert pilot too sent them to robot hell. The Surfer knew his Droid ships were not going to be able to do any more damage so he sent them all towards the Bomber in the hope that they could at least destroy him. Though it was a valiant effort by the droid ships, Baron Fel was ultimately able to defeat every last one of them. Before Fel was able to celebrate though, Superwoman tore open the hull of the Tie Bomber, exposing Fel to the vacuum of space, killing him in about one minute’s time.
This left the Surfer and Superwoman with Wonder Woman, Guy Gardner, Black Hand and Atrocitus to battle. Superwoman instantly charged her Amazonian sister Wonder Woman and began to battle with her as the Surfer flew around Black Hand, and blasted him in the back. Atrocitus answered back with a blast of red energy but the Surfer was easily able to absorb the energy and send it back ten fold at the Red Lantern leader. The blast sent the red lantern holder back and knocked him unconscious. While Silver Surfer was doing this, Guy Gardner was able to encase the Surfer in a yellow energy field for a moment. A moment was all it lasted though as the Surfer quickly broke out of it and in the process, literally flying through the body of the now dead yellow lantern holder. Wonder Woman was finding her fight with Superwoman to be more difficult than she thought it would be, as Superwoman was causing her great pain. Superwoman was even able to blast Wonder Woman with her heat vision and trap her in her lasso. For most people this would be the end of the line, but Wonder Woman was not most people. Just as Superwoman was planning on finishing Wonder Woman off, Wonder Woman broke free of her lasso and broke both of her arms backwards. As the pain rushed through the body of Superwoman, Wonder Woman tied her up in her lasso and instead of making her talk, she decided to just end it once and for all. She grabbed Superwoman on the top and bottom of her mouth and literally ripped her head in two.
As this was going on Atrocitus was just getting back to the match and the Silver Surfer had just finished throwing Black Hand into the nearest star. Wonder Woman, though very powerful, knew that she was no match for the Surfer in space. She then signaled to Atrocitus to head for the surface of the planet below, as their best chance for a victory lied on the planet’s surface. The Surfer noticed this move and quickly stopped the red lantern from going any further, killing him once and for all. Though she knew losing Atrocitus was a huge blow, she knew her death would be an even greater failing to her team as she flew as fast as she could towards the planet’s surface. The Silver Surfer followed closely behind her as the two super powered beings broke through the planet’s atmosphere onto the final battle of this match.
The Ground Battle
A lot has happened since the last time we checked in on this. First thing’s first though. Only Jedi Master’s #21A & 23A are left standing. Darth Malack was able to defeat Darth Nihilus and Prometheus beat the living hell out of Marcellus Wallace. Shintor Beerus tried to use a force tornado against Obi-Wan, which made Obi-Wan laugh a bit, but not much else. Then Obi-Wan used his light saber to cut his body in half. After Shintor Beerus’s pathetic force tornado attempt, Red Tornado decided to make a storm of his own, only this storm actually did something. The storm took out Velociraptor’s #38-42 and badly injured Obi-Wan. Just as Red Tornado was planning on doing even more damage to the badly hurt Brigade, Emperor Palpatine ended his silence in this match and sent a lethal amount of force lightening into the body of Red Tornado, killing him. Then Poison Ivy sent a brutal attack from the ground up as the earth itself began to attack every member of the Right Wing. Drusilla was unable to escape this attack as she was staked through the heart with a piece of wood from a now uprooted tree. The light saber holding members of the Right Wing were able to cut through much of the new foliage that was quickly overtaking everything, but it was Moss Man who was able to temporarily put a stop to Poison Ivy’s new world. Skarr, Victoria and the two remaining Jedi Master’s freed everyone as quickly as they could but Moss Man was unsure of how long he could hold off Poison Ivy’s power. They would try to break free of all of this but they knew that they were going to need the help of their teammates if they were going to make it out of this one alive.
The Air Battle
Maverick and Goose managed to kill the two remaining Gold Dragons (#14 & 15) but were blown to pieces by one of Zeus’s lightening bolts. Blackfire was also able to kill the Jetson’s, though she was blasted by Nightstar as she put the finishing touches on the Jetson’s. Luckily for her though, Titanium Man had her back and destroyed Nightstar right after that.
Golden Age Wonder Woman had her sight’s set on Pegasus as she flew in her invisible jet ready to fire on him. Right before she was able to fire on him though, her jet was struck by another one of Zeus’s lightening bolts, which blew her jet to pieces. Though she was able to eject from her ship, she was now free falling to the ground. As she began falling to her almost certain death, she saw someone familiar coming towards her ready to catch her. It was herself, well, it was the more super powered version of herself to be more exact. She yelled at Red Lantern #3 to follow her towards the ground, as that was there best place for attack at this time. The Red Lantern followed suit as both Wonder Woman’s and the Red Lantern headed towards the ground battle.
Desert
Well, I thought that Sand’s trick of holding the Duncan Idaho Ghola under the sand was going to cause much more damage then it did, but I suppose I was wrong. Though Sand had a good idea of separating his body over Idaho to try to keep him under ground forever, it turns out that is exactly what ended up killing him. As soon as Sand turned his own body into nothing but sand, Idaho managed to permanently keep him in that state, forever turning Sand into an indistinguishable part of the desert.
The Ground Battle
The Pantheon was making its way onto the battlefield when it saw the new foliage that Poison Ivy had created. They knew that they had to come at the Brigade from behind, as getting through Ivy’s new world was never going to work.
The Air Battle
The remaining Right Winger’s in the air were not sure what to do at first but before they could make any sort of decision, the Silver Surfer came flying down and told them that the final battle was taking place wherever Wonder Woman was. This obviously meant on the ground, so that is exactly where they were heading. Blackfire, Pegasus and Titanium Man were to follow the Surfer down to the ground but according to the Surfer, Zeus was to stay up above. Zeus did not like taking orders but he was no fool. He knew that dome headed one was the most powerful member of their team and obeyed his order to stay above.
The Ground Battle
Poison Ivy’s new foliage was a great trap for her opponent’s but it did hurt their team in one way, Alan Scott was now useless in this fight. She knew this would be a side effect, but she figured it was an expectable loss.
The Pantheon was now on the other side of the battlefield, now coming up behind the Brigade. They were moving as fast as they could when they saw Wonder Woman fly down from the sky with the Red Lantern. This didn’t stop their movement, but it did make them re-think their strategy on how they were going to attack.
As Wonder Woman landed near her teammates on the ground, she told them that the Silver Surfer was not far behind. If they were going to have any chance against him, they were going to have to end this battle on the ground as quickly as possible. Wonder Woman quickly lead the charge with Power Girl, the Red Lantern and Chriselon against the still trapped Right Wing members. They all flew up above and one by one started to pick off their enemies. Power Girl was able to kill Doc Sampson and Victoria and the Red Lantern was able to trap The Quilete Tribe of Sam, Paul, Jared and Quil along with Jool Nooret. The Red Lantern created an oxygen-free energy field around the Right Wing members, killing them very quickly. Wonder Woman landed in the foliage and killed Prometheus and Eros with little effort. Chriselon was able to hit Skarr with a deadly energy blast but was overpowered by Warpath as he passed him by.
The Pantheon had finally reached the Brigade and as soon as they got there, they were met by a group of Velociraptor’s. #31-37 attacked them and though there were able to get a few vicious attacks in, they were all dead in a matter of minutes by the so far still intact Pantheon. They then continued to move on but not before Cassiopeia was hit was a blast of force lightening from the Emperor. The blast killed her and now the real battle was about to begin.
The still love sick Jack the Giant Killer and Spider Girl were brutally beaten to death by Ajax, Andromeda and Jason, while Aragon managed to cut the head off of Delphi. The still injured Obi-Wan was finally put out of his misery by Agamemnon, but the Pantheon leader was met with the same fate as Alan Scott sent a blast of energy through his body, destroying him in one quick blast. Though Aragorn fought a great battle, his fight against the two Ulysses’ was just too much as they both managed to over power him. The Emperor, Stass Allie and Jania Solo were all with light saber in hand now, kickin butt and taking names. In their triple sword threat, they were able to kill Achilles, Ajax, Hector, Jason and Paris. At the same time though, Atalanta finally killed Poison Ivy and Perseus had killed Catwoman.
The remaining members of both teams were still very powerful and though the battle had been raging on for a long time, there was too many people left to call it even close to being over with as of yet.
Power Girl had managed to kill both Moss Man and Black Panther in her foliage hunts, but as the foliage died down she realized it was going to get a little bit more difficult to kill without anyone fighting back. Wonder Woman, Power Girl and the Red Lantern decided to head back towards the rest of their team when they saw the Surfer and the remaining sky bound members of the Right Wing coming right for them.
Power Girl went right for Blackfire and was actually able to some how catch her off guard and knock her right out of the sky. The Red Lantern then hit her with a blast of energy and Power Girl finished her off by breaking her back. The Surfer seemed unfazed by Power Girl and the Red Lantern and immediately went for Wonder Woman. Pegasus tried to attack Power Girl but was easily destroyed by the super powered girl.
As the Silver Surfer charged towards Wonder Woman, she bashed her bracelets together and sent a shock wave towards the Silver headed one. The wave blasted him back and actually kind of hurt him. He could tell that the Red Lantern was coming towards him from behind, but instead of evading the blast from the lantern, he decided to take it instead. The blast hit him from behind but instead of hurting him, the Surfer absorbed the energy and sent it towards Wonder Woman, severely injuring her. The Surfer then turned around and once and for all destroyed the Red Lantern holder with a blast of the Power Cosmic.
At this time, Titanium Man had engaged in a fierce battle with Power Girl. It was a battle that alone he might not win, but with a little help from the Surfer, they were able to rip Power Girl in half with a sickening amount of energy from the two of them.
With Poison Ivy now dead, the remaining ground based members of the Right Wing were able to move again towards their Brigade enemies. The following fight went on for a while but it is just plain easier to explain the outcome. Red She-Hulk was able to kill Red Devil, but soon afterwards was blasted to pieces by Alan Scott. The same went for Black Panther and Jedi Master #21A. Emperor Palpatine was able to kill Jedi Master #23A and Darth Malack. On the flip side, Andromeda and Atalanta managed to kill Stass Allie and Prometheus was able to kill Jania Solo. Alan Scott was about to send an energy blast powerful enough and big enough to kill the rest of the Pantheon when out of nowhere, Sleepwalker manipulated the foliage that Poison Ivy had created to all but consume the power of the Starheart. Golden Age Wonder Woman tried to untangle Scott but the double team of Quinlon Vos and Warpath were just two much for her. Palpatine raced towards the wood covered Alan Scott and as he saw Quinlon Vos ready to plunge his light saber into the face of the Green Lantern. Palpatine sent a blast of force lightening towards Vos. Before it was able to reach him, the blast was intercepted by Warpath, who took the blast for his teammate. Warpath taking the blast allowed Quinlon Vos to plunge his light saber into the face of Alan Scott, killing him.
The blast of force lightening crippled Warpath for a moment, but it was only a moment that the Emperor needed as he also sent his light saber into the body of his opponent, ending the life of Warpath. The Emperor was now surrounded by the remaining members of the Pantheon, Quinlon Vos and Sleepwalker, who were all ready to destroy him. The Emperor managed to throw his light saber into the throat of Quinlon Vos, killing him. Though he was able to produce more force lightening, the remaining members of the Pantheon were just too much for him and he was finally destroyed.
Just as the Emperor took his last breathe, Wonder Woman came crashing down to the ground. Soon after her though, so did Duncan Idaho, only he was still able to fight. Before any member of the Right Wing was able to even move, they were being picked off one by one. Idaho killed Prometheus and Atalanta. Then he killed Perseus and Ulysses 1. Then Titanium Man came into the picture and blasted the Kwisatz Haderach back for a second. It wasn’t long, but it was enough time for the Silver Surfer to grab Idaho and fly him up into the sky.
Wonder Woman was still unconscious when Andromeda and Ulysses II began to brutally beat her. With the help of Sleep Walker the two remaining Pantheon members were able to beat on Wonder Woman until her body could no longer take it. Though Wonder Woman was dead, it took them a while before they realized they were just beating a dead body into the ground.
The Silver Surfer was powerful, but even he was having a hard time containing the power of Duncan Idaho. He continued to carry the Ghola up into the sky and before Zeus could even tell what was going on he saw the Surfer holding Idaho’s body on a collision course with the Flash. To the naked eye, the flash was invisible. To the Surfer though, he could see him just fine. As he finally launched Idaho towards the Flash, he knew that the powerful Dune character would try to unleash his full power on the planet, attempting to fold space and time together as the ultimate power move.
Just as the Surfer predicted, he did this and in conjunction with the collision with the Flash, sent a shock wave throughout the entire planet, destroying it along with everything inside of it.
As the Surfer and Zeus sat there floating in space staring into the nothingness that once contained a planet, they didn’t say a word. Usually the Surfer would feel bad about sacrificing his own teammates for the greater good, but this time the greater good was all that mattered. They enjoyed the silence as they were in still in awe of the fact that the match was finally over.
Le’ Napoleon Brigade: All Dead
The Right Wing: Zeus and the Silver Surfer survived.
The Right Wing is Victorious!!!
“You know women, mate. Like monkeys, they are - won't let go of one branch until they've got hold of the next.” -Sean Ambrose
The Brigade is Golden Age Wonder Woman in her Invisible Jet, Jetfire & Jetstorm, Red Lantern #3, Metallo, (Kingdom Come) Flash, Obi Wan Kenobi, Wonder Woman, Skyfire, Alan Scott, Jedi Knight #23A-@6A, Silver Dragon #4-15, The Jetsons: George, Jane, Judy, Elroy, Astro, Rosey, & Orbitty, Jaws, Jaws 2, Glinda the Good Witch, Guy Gardner (w/ Yellow Power Ring), Power Girl, Red Devil, Black Hand, Stass Allie, Jania Solo, Aquagirl, Grape Ape, Jack the Giant Killer, Spider Girl, Nightstar, Emperor Palpatine, Man at Arms & Teela, Aragorn, Velociraptor #31-42, John McClane (w/ 2 green light sabers), Poison Ivy, Morpheus, Kwisatz Haderach Duncan Idaho Ghola #12, Army Soldier #101-124, Catwoman, Evil Lynn, Karg, Skeletor's Crack Troops #1-15, Marcellus Wallace, Arwen Evenstar, Penguin, The Lochness Monster, Storm Trooper #51-87, Vito Corleone, Santino Corleone (w/ a red light saber), Horse #27-32, Atreides Soldier #1-6, Even Piel, Maverick & Goose in a Stealth Bomber, The Sando Aqua Monster, Darth Nihilus, Modulock, Baron Fel in a Tie Bomber, Atrocitus, & Chriselon.
The Right Wing is Superwoman, Silver Surfer, Zeus, Red She-Hulk, The Volturi: Aro (w/ a red light saber), Caius, & Marcus, Lady Volturi, Prometheus, Jool Nooret, Blue Lantern #2, The Quilete Tribe: Sam, Paul, Jared, & Quil, Sleepwalker, The Cosmic Hulk Robot, Victoria (w/ a red light saber), Lyra the She Hulk (w/ a green light saber), Blackfire, Jedi Knight #1A (that's Gary), 2A-5A, Jedi Master #18A-23A, Athena, Agent #1 & 2, Droid Fighter Ship #2-20, Slimer, Eros, Gold Dragon #10-12, 14, & 15, Qunilon Vos, Warpath, Red Sonja, The Pantheon: Agamemnon, Achilles, Ajax, Andromeda, Atalanta, Cassiopeia, Delphi, Hector, Jason, Paris, Perseus, Prometheus, Ulysses I, & Ulysses II, Darth Malack, Shintor Beerus, Red Tornado, Black Panther, Skarr son of Hulk (w/ a green light saber), Elephant #1-10, Titanium Man, Bulkhead, Pegasus, Korg, Ninja #1-15, Sand, Mossman, Drusilla, Doc Samson, Army Soldier #131-136, & Ulysses S. Grant (w/ Mandlorian Armor).
Air, ground, space, water, you get the picture. The playoff planet is a brutal place that can stretch any team to its limit. Strength and power can only get you so far, for on this planet, depth is the name of the game. The two teams in front of me are incredibly even. Both have power and strength to match each other, so seeing a victor come out of this one will truly be a sight to see. As the planet is vast, I will bring you one terrain at a time. It looks like both teams are covering every terrain evenly, which means we may be in for a long one.
I will try for the cliff notes version of this story, but as usual, I make no promises.
The Battle on the Ground
This seems to be where the brunt of the team’s armies are located, so I would imagine this is where the majority of the action will take place. I hear the sound of a group of horse’s coming up the way. It looks like there are six people on horseback coming up; a couple of the people riding even have light sabers. It looks kind of awesome actually. It looks like it is John McClane, Aragorn, Marcellus Wallace, Arwen, Vito Corleone and Santino Corleone. McClane and Santino have light sabers, in fact, McClane has two of them. They are quickly met up by The Volturi and the Cosmic Hulk Robot.
John McClane is able to cut the head off of Caius, but is easily over powered by the Hulk robot. The robotic Hulk then crushes both Corleone’s, ending their lives immediately. Arwen then rides up behind Marcus and places her sword in the back of his neck. Aro sees this and decides him and his lady shall seek vengeance for this transgression. The Lady quickly jumps on Arwen’s horse and feeds the elfish woman thoughts of her own happiness, which takes her mind away from the match just long enough for Aro to plunge his light saber into her chest as she passes him by. As Arwen’s now dead body laid waste on the battlefield, Aragorn rides over to it to see if his true love is once and for all dead. As soon as he sees this he completely loses all sense of decency and goes on a killing rampage that leaves the remaining members of the Volturi tribe not so much sparkly, but just plain dead. The still bloodthirsty Aragorn immediately set his sites on the Hulk Robot, but before his stupidity got the best of him, Chriselon jumped in and took care of the robot for him. Chriselon, in all his disco ball glory, encased the robotic menace in an energy ball and collapsed it on itself. Killing the robot once and for all. Aragorn then looked over at the coked out disco queen and said, “Nice kill, but I could have handled that myself”. The flamboyant Green Lantern took little notice of his comment and went off to fight another battle. Aragorn then got back on his horse and told Marcellus Wallace to follow him back to the main battle.
The main battle on the ground consisted of Obi-Wan Kenobi, Alan Scott and Power Girl going up against Warpath, Red Tornado and Shintor Beerus. I am not quite sure how long this battle is going to take, so I will go to someone else right now. Oh look, the Red She-Hulk just crushed Morpheus’s head. I’m guessing that he is probably dead. Looks like Jool Nooret just beat the life out of Glinda the Good Witch and The Brigade’s Jedi Knight’s are facing off against The Right Wing’s Jedi Knight’s and Master’s. Jedi Master #18A just killed Jedi Knight #24A. Oh I’ll just wait until there done fighting to report this one.
Oh this fight was fair. Man at Arms and Teela just got embarrassed by Red She-Hulk and The Quilete Tribe of Sam, Paul, Jared and Quil. By embarrassed I naturally mean slaughtered, but I think you get the picture. Oh look, it’s Great Ape. I think all of the Right Wing’s hulk members are going after the big lug. The big ape is ready for them though, as he takes a battle stance and charges right for them. On his way over to fight the hulk’s, Grape Ape managed to step on and kill Agent’s #1 & 2. When the giant ape finally met up with the hulk’s the battle lasted some time. Though he was able to kill Lyra the She-Hulk, Red She-Hulk and the Hulk’s son eventually took down Grape Ape. Skarr, the son of Hulk, finished the great ape off with a light saber strike to the heart.
Darth Malack and Darth Nihilus were locked in battle at this time as well and it looks like Eros has made Jack the Giant Killer fall in love with Spider Girl, who looks rather annoyed at the love struck Cornish man. This part of the match is boring me right now, so I am going to check out what else is going on in the match.
Air Battle
It looks like this is well under way as Zeus is having a blast (Get it), knocking people out of the sky with lightening bolts. He has already managed to kill Jetfire and Skyfire and has badly damaged the Jetson’s flying car. Metallo is locked in a brutal battle with Titanium Man and Bulkhead is having one hell of a time trying to kill all of the Silver Dragon’s. He has killed Silver Dragon’s #8-11 already, but is having a hard time finishing them off. Luckily for him he has plenty of Gold Dragon’s on his side, so he has some help. Both team’s Dragon’s are lighting up the sky; spraying dude ji…ah I mean, fire everywhere. In the end only Gold Dragon’s #14 and 15 are left flying. Silver Dragon’s final deaths looked like they came from Gold Dragon #10, who went out in a literal blaze of glory to kill them. Bulkhead narrowly escaped the Dragon war, but was killed moment’s later when he was caught in the middle of the Lantern fight that was going on between Red Lantern #3 and Blue Lantern #2. I’ll credit the Red Lantern with Bulkhead’s death, along with the death of the Blue Lantern as well.
The fight between Metallo and Titanium Man was a doozy as well and were it not for the fact that Pegasus joined in on the fight, the battle may have lasted forever. Luckily for me though, I got to see Pegasus jam his spear right through the face of the metallic abomination, ending his role in this battle. This part looks like it is coming down to its last couple of people, but before it finishes off completely; I am going to check out a couple other places.
Water
Hmm, it looks like it is all Brigade members and no Right Wingers. I suppose the Brigade thought her opponent might start some of her water characters this week, I guess not. Brigade wins this round?
Desert
Army Soldiers #101-124 go up against Army Soldiers #131-136 and Ninja’s #1-15. The battle is just okay, not really anything worth watching. In the end Ninja’s #5, 8 and 15 are still standing. Ulysses S. Grant along with Athena lead a charge with Elephant’s #1-10, Korg, Red Sonja and the remaining Ninja’s against Skeletor’s Crack Troopers #1-15, Evil Lynn, Karg and the Atreides Soldiers #1-6. Grant was able to kill Evil Lynn and Karg pretty easily with his sweet armor and weapon’s but was overwhelmed and defeated after meeting up with several Atreides Soldiers at once. Red Sonja found the Crack Troopers to be easy targets as well, killing several of them in a very short period of time. The remaining ninja’s took care of the rest of the Crack Troopers but were then killed off by the Atreides Soldiers. Though the Atreides soldiers were able to fight admirably during this match, they were just too tired and wiped out to take on the remaining members of the Right Wing and were eventually laid to rest by Red Sonja and Korg.
It looked like this part of the match was easily going to go to the Right Wing, but before they were able to begin heading back to aid the rest of their team, they were faced with an opponent that they would find impossible to defeat. The Kwisatz Haderach Duncan Idaho Ghola #12 may have looked like a man, but what he did to the remaining Right Wing members was far more than any mere mortal could ever dream of. Red Sonja tried to attack Idaho, but was instantly thrown back into the desert sand. Before she was able to get back up, Idaho was standing over her, crushing in her skull. As Korg and Athena were watching their teammate being killed, they too were faced with the “one who can be in many places at once” and were too killed by the near perfect creature. Idaho then exterminated the remaining Elephant’s and headed off to aid his team elsewhere. Though as he was leaving, Sand from the Right Wing formed behind Duncan Idaho and displaced the sand below him, dropping him far beneath the surface of the desert. Though things looked good for Sand, this Duncan Idaho wasn’t going to go down so easily. I’ll check back to see the finished product.
Arctic
Can you say blow out. Though Even Piel of the Brigade was able to kill Slimer, that was pretty much it on this front. Delphi and Hector were both suffering from blaster wounds to the stomach, but that was about it. Even Piel lead Storm Troopers #51-87 against the entire Pantheon and trust me when I say they did not live to tell the tale. I knew it was going to be a blow out when the first person that was killed on the Brigade was Even Piel. He went right in for the kill on Agamemnon, but had his neck snapped by the teenage god. From that point on it was a massacre that ended in the deaths of all 37 Storm Troopers. Delphi and Hectors wounds would heal quickly, fast enough for them to join the rest of their teammates for the final battle.
Space
Now for the battle you were all waiting for. Normally the Silver Surfer would look at any space battle and think to himself “No Problem”, but this one wasn’t going to be so easy. He didn’t usually face opponent’s quite as good as the ones that he was going to have to face right now. As a pre-emptive strike, he sent out Droid Fighter ships #2-20. He was hoping they would be able to take out at least one of his opponent’s, to which they did. Droid Fighter’s #2-6 were able to kill Modulok as he attempted to disguise himself as another Droid Fighter ship. The Surfer was able to convince the Droid ships to attack the shape shifting being, ending in it’s destruction. Though Droid Fighter’s #2-6 were able to over power Modulok, they were no match for Baron Fel in his Tie Bomber. The same could also be said for Droid Fighter’s #11, 12, 14, 16 and 20 as the expert pilot too sent them to robot hell. The Surfer knew his Droid ships were not going to be able to do any more damage so he sent them all towards the Bomber in the hope that they could at least destroy him. Though it was a valiant effort by the droid ships, Baron Fel was ultimately able to defeat every last one of them. Before Fel was able to celebrate though, Superwoman tore open the hull of the Tie Bomber, exposing Fel to the vacuum of space, killing him in about one minute’s time.
This left the Surfer and Superwoman with Wonder Woman, Guy Gardner, Black Hand and Atrocitus to battle. Superwoman instantly charged her Amazonian sister Wonder Woman and began to battle with her as the Surfer flew around Black Hand, and blasted him in the back. Atrocitus answered back with a blast of red energy but the Surfer was easily able to absorb the energy and send it back ten fold at the Red Lantern leader. The blast sent the red lantern holder back and knocked him unconscious. While Silver Surfer was doing this, Guy Gardner was able to encase the Surfer in a yellow energy field for a moment. A moment was all it lasted though as the Surfer quickly broke out of it and in the process, literally flying through the body of the now dead yellow lantern holder. Wonder Woman was finding her fight with Superwoman to be more difficult than she thought it would be, as Superwoman was causing her great pain. Superwoman was even able to blast Wonder Woman with her heat vision and trap her in her lasso. For most people this would be the end of the line, but Wonder Woman was not most people. Just as Superwoman was planning on finishing Wonder Woman off, Wonder Woman broke free of her lasso and broke both of her arms backwards. As the pain rushed through the body of Superwoman, Wonder Woman tied her up in her lasso and instead of making her talk, she decided to just end it once and for all. She grabbed Superwoman on the top and bottom of her mouth and literally ripped her head in two.
As this was going on Atrocitus was just getting back to the match and the Silver Surfer had just finished throwing Black Hand into the nearest star. Wonder Woman, though very powerful, knew that she was no match for the Surfer in space. She then signaled to Atrocitus to head for the surface of the planet below, as their best chance for a victory lied on the planet’s surface. The Surfer noticed this move and quickly stopped the red lantern from going any further, killing him once and for all. Though she knew losing Atrocitus was a huge blow, she knew her death would be an even greater failing to her team as she flew as fast as she could towards the planet’s surface. The Silver Surfer followed closely behind her as the two super powered beings broke through the planet’s atmosphere onto the final battle of this match.
The Ground Battle
A lot has happened since the last time we checked in on this. First thing’s first though. Only Jedi Master’s #21A & 23A are left standing. Darth Malack was able to defeat Darth Nihilus and Prometheus beat the living hell out of Marcellus Wallace. Shintor Beerus tried to use a force tornado against Obi-Wan, which made Obi-Wan laugh a bit, but not much else. Then Obi-Wan used his light saber to cut his body in half. After Shintor Beerus’s pathetic force tornado attempt, Red Tornado decided to make a storm of his own, only this storm actually did something. The storm took out Velociraptor’s #38-42 and badly injured Obi-Wan. Just as Red Tornado was planning on doing even more damage to the badly hurt Brigade, Emperor Palpatine ended his silence in this match and sent a lethal amount of force lightening into the body of Red Tornado, killing him. Then Poison Ivy sent a brutal attack from the ground up as the earth itself began to attack every member of the Right Wing. Drusilla was unable to escape this attack as she was staked through the heart with a piece of wood from a now uprooted tree. The light saber holding members of the Right Wing were able to cut through much of the new foliage that was quickly overtaking everything, but it was Moss Man who was able to temporarily put a stop to Poison Ivy’s new world. Skarr, Victoria and the two remaining Jedi Master’s freed everyone as quickly as they could but Moss Man was unsure of how long he could hold off Poison Ivy’s power. They would try to break free of all of this but they knew that they were going to need the help of their teammates if they were going to make it out of this one alive.
The Air Battle
Maverick and Goose managed to kill the two remaining Gold Dragons (#14 & 15) but were blown to pieces by one of Zeus’s lightening bolts. Blackfire was also able to kill the Jetson’s, though she was blasted by Nightstar as she put the finishing touches on the Jetson’s. Luckily for her though, Titanium Man had her back and destroyed Nightstar right after that.
Golden Age Wonder Woman had her sight’s set on Pegasus as she flew in her invisible jet ready to fire on him. Right before she was able to fire on him though, her jet was struck by another one of Zeus’s lightening bolts, which blew her jet to pieces. Though she was able to eject from her ship, she was now free falling to the ground. As she began falling to her almost certain death, she saw someone familiar coming towards her ready to catch her. It was herself, well, it was the more super powered version of herself to be more exact. She yelled at Red Lantern #3 to follow her towards the ground, as that was there best place for attack at this time. The Red Lantern followed suit as both Wonder Woman’s and the Red Lantern headed towards the ground battle.
Desert
Well, I thought that Sand’s trick of holding the Duncan Idaho Ghola under the sand was going to cause much more damage then it did, but I suppose I was wrong. Though Sand had a good idea of separating his body over Idaho to try to keep him under ground forever, it turns out that is exactly what ended up killing him. As soon as Sand turned his own body into nothing but sand, Idaho managed to permanently keep him in that state, forever turning Sand into an indistinguishable part of the desert.
The Ground Battle
The Pantheon was making its way onto the battlefield when it saw the new foliage that Poison Ivy had created. They knew that they had to come at the Brigade from behind, as getting through Ivy’s new world was never going to work.
The Air Battle
The remaining Right Winger’s in the air were not sure what to do at first but before they could make any sort of decision, the Silver Surfer came flying down and told them that the final battle was taking place wherever Wonder Woman was. This obviously meant on the ground, so that is exactly where they were heading. Blackfire, Pegasus and Titanium Man were to follow the Surfer down to the ground but according to the Surfer, Zeus was to stay up above. Zeus did not like taking orders but he was no fool. He knew that dome headed one was the most powerful member of their team and obeyed his order to stay above.
The Ground Battle
Poison Ivy’s new foliage was a great trap for her opponent’s but it did hurt their team in one way, Alan Scott was now useless in this fight. She knew this would be a side effect, but she figured it was an expectable loss.
The Pantheon was now on the other side of the battlefield, now coming up behind the Brigade. They were moving as fast as they could when they saw Wonder Woman fly down from the sky with the Red Lantern. This didn’t stop their movement, but it did make them re-think their strategy on how they were going to attack.
As Wonder Woman landed near her teammates on the ground, she told them that the Silver Surfer was not far behind. If they were going to have any chance against him, they were going to have to end this battle on the ground as quickly as possible. Wonder Woman quickly lead the charge with Power Girl, the Red Lantern and Chriselon against the still trapped Right Wing members. They all flew up above and one by one started to pick off their enemies. Power Girl was able to kill Doc Sampson and Victoria and the Red Lantern was able to trap The Quilete Tribe of Sam, Paul, Jared and Quil along with Jool Nooret. The Red Lantern created an oxygen-free energy field around the Right Wing members, killing them very quickly. Wonder Woman landed in the foliage and killed Prometheus and Eros with little effort. Chriselon was able to hit Skarr with a deadly energy blast but was overpowered by Warpath as he passed him by.
The Pantheon had finally reached the Brigade and as soon as they got there, they were met by a group of Velociraptor’s. #31-37 attacked them and though there were able to get a few vicious attacks in, they were all dead in a matter of minutes by the so far still intact Pantheon. They then continued to move on but not before Cassiopeia was hit was a blast of force lightening from the Emperor. The blast killed her and now the real battle was about to begin.
The still love sick Jack the Giant Killer and Spider Girl were brutally beaten to death by Ajax, Andromeda and Jason, while Aragon managed to cut the head off of Delphi. The still injured Obi-Wan was finally put out of his misery by Agamemnon, but the Pantheon leader was met with the same fate as Alan Scott sent a blast of energy through his body, destroying him in one quick blast. Though Aragorn fought a great battle, his fight against the two Ulysses’ was just too much as they both managed to over power him. The Emperor, Stass Allie and Jania Solo were all with light saber in hand now, kickin butt and taking names. In their triple sword threat, they were able to kill Achilles, Ajax, Hector, Jason and Paris. At the same time though, Atalanta finally killed Poison Ivy and Perseus had killed Catwoman.
The remaining members of both teams were still very powerful and though the battle had been raging on for a long time, there was too many people left to call it even close to being over with as of yet.
Power Girl had managed to kill both Moss Man and Black Panther in her foliage hunts, but as the foliage died down she realized it was going to get a little bit more difficult to kill without anyone fighting back. Wonder Woman, Power Girl and the Red Lantern decided to head back towards the rest of their team when they saw the Surfer and the remaining sky bound members of the Right Wing coming right for them.
Power Girl went right for Blackfire and was actually able to some how catch her off guard and knock her right out of the sky. The Red Lantern then hit her with a blast of energy and Power Girl finished her off by breaking her back. The Surfer seemed unfazed by Power Girl and the Red Lantern and immediately went for Wonder Woman. Pegasus tried to attack Power Girl but was easily destroyed by the super powered girl.
As the Silver Surfer charged towards Wonder Woman, she bashed her bracelets together and sent a shock wave towards the Silver headed one. The wave blasted him back and actually kind of hurt him. He could tell that the Red Lantern was coming towards him from behind, but instead of evading the blast from the lantern, he decided to take it instead. The blast hit him from behind but instead of hurting him, the Surfer absorbed the energy and sent it towards Wonder Woman, severely injuring her. The Surfer then turned around and once and for all destroyed the Red Lantern holder with a blast of the Power Cosmic.
At this time, Titanium Man had engaged in a fierce battle with Power Girl. It was a battle that alone he might not win, but with a little help from the Surfer, they were able to rip Power Girl in half with a sickening amount of energy from the two of them.
With Poison Ivy now dead, the remaining ground based members of the Right Wing were able to move again towards their Brigade enemies. The following fight went on for a while but it is just plain easier to explain the outcome. Red She-Hulk was able to kill Red Devil, but soon afterwards was blasted to pieces by Alan Scott. The same went for Black Panther and Jedi Master #21A. Emperor Palpatine was able to kill Jedi Master #23A and Darth Malack. On the flip side, Andromeda and Atalanta managed to kill Stass Allie and Prometheus was able to kill Jania Solo. Alan Scott was about to send an energy blast powerful enough and big enough to kill the rest of the Pantheon when out of nowhere, Sleepwalker manipulated the foliage that Poison Ivy had created to all but consume the power of the Starheart. Golden Age Wonder Woman tried to untangle Scott but the double team of Quinlon Vos and Warpath were just two much for her. Palpatine raced towards the wood covered Alan Scott and as he saw Quinlon Vos ready to plunge his light saber into the face of the Green Lantern. Palpatine sent a blast of force lightening towards Vos. Before it was able to reach him, the blast was intercepted by Warpath, who took the blast for his teammate. Warpath taking the blast allowed Quinlon Vos to plunge his light saber into the face of Alan Scott, killing him.
The blast of force lightening crippled Warpath for a moment, but it was only a moment that the Emperor needed as he also sent his light saber into the body of his opponent, ending the life of Warpath. The Emperor was now surrounded by the remaining members of the Pantheon, Quinlon Vos and Sleepwalker, who were all ready to destroy him. The Emperor managed to throw his light saber into the throat of Quinlon Vos, killing him. Though he was able to produce more force lightening, the remaining members of the Pantheon were just too much for him and he was finally destroyed.
Just as the Emperor took his last breathe, Wonder Woman came crashing down to the ground. Soon after her though, so did Duncan Idaho, only he was still able to fight. Before any member of the Right Wing was able to even move, they were being picked off one by one. Idaho killed Prometheus and Atalanta. Then he killed Perseus and Ulysses 1. Then Titanium Man came into the picture and blasted the Kwisatz Haderach back for a second. It wasn’t long, but it was enough time for the Silver Surfer to grab Idaho and fly him up into the sky.
Wonder Woman was still unconscious when Andromeda and Ulysses II began to brutally beat her. With the help of Sleep Walker the two remaining Pantheon members were able to beat on Wonder Woman until her body could no longer take it. Though Wonder Woman was dead, it took them a while before they realized they were just beating a dead body into the ground.
The Silver Surfer was powerful, but even he was having a hard time containing the power of Duncan Idaho. He continued to carry the Ghola up into the sky and before Zeus could even tell what was going on he saw the Surfer holding Idaho’s body on a collision course with the Flash. To the naked eye, the flash was invisible. To the Surfer though, he could see him just fine. As he finally launched Idaho towards the Flash, he knew that the powerful Dune character would try to unleash his full power on the planet, attempting to fold space and time together as the ultimate power move.
Just as the Surfer predicted, he did this and in conjunction with the collision with the Flash, sent a shock wave throughout the entire planet, destroying it along with everything inside of it.
As the Surfer and Zeus sat there floating in space staring into the nothingness that once contained a planet, they didn’t say a word. Usually the Surfer would feel bad about sacrificing his own teammates for the greater good, but this time the greater good was all that mattered. They enjoyed the silence as they were in still in awe of the fact that the match was finally over.
Le’ Napoleon Brigade: All Dead
The Right Wing: Zeus and the Silver Surfer survived.
The Right Wing is Victorious!!!
Logical Genocide Vs. Built Ford Tough
Logical Genocide is Gremlin #1 & 2, 100 more gremlins, Prometheus, Titan Force Five, Mera, Manhunter #1-3, Red Lantern #2, Adam Strange, The Hood, Michael Knight in KITT, Magmar, Jason Todd, Bronze Tiger,/ Tallahassee, Little Rock, Wichita, & Columbus in the Hummer, Chris Seeney and Cannon Fodder Smurf in The Lex-Soar 7, Beau & Luke Duke & Daisy Duke in the Gen. Lee, Dr. Deathbrain & The Living Killing Roller Coaster, The Hamburgler, Robert & Melissa Hudson, Brett Favre, Tom Brady, Warwolf #1-10, Triceraton #1-5, Pokerface in the Starship Casino, Cody Jones, Serling, The Cadillac Cats in Air Ford One, Ewok #74, Zombie Tyler Derdon, Zombie Marine #2, Bane, Iron Patriot, Sandworm #11, Goro, Moonstone, Starman, The Ray, Shatterstar, The Huntress, Black Tom Cassidy, Hawk, V (w/ a yellow power ring), Jedi Master #28 in a B-Wing, Predator #48, Terminator #40, Cybertronian Guardian #9, Neo-Cymek #8, Black Dragon #11, Dementor #8, Xenomorph #52, & Geoff Johns in Superman's Truck.
Built Ford Tough is Sparky Anderson, Han Solo & Jeff Houslander in a Snow Speeder, Indiana Jones, Jack Ryan, Harrison Ford, USAgent on a Ducatti, Scout Trooper #1-3 on Speeder Bikes, Scout Trooper #4-33, Wilt, Barry Sanders, Sardakaur #1-12, Beta Ray Bill, Capt. Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Dr. Owen Cooper, Toshiko Sato, Ianto Jones, The Deadly Viper Assassin Squad: Bill, Bud, O Ren Ishi, Elle Driver, & Vernita Green, Prof. Snape, Serious Black, The Flaming Carrot, Power Man & Iron Fist, Star Sapphire, Fantastic Max, FX, & AB, Grapple, Cowboy Curtis, Archie the Octospider, Andrew Jackson Libby & Dr. Who in Air Wolfe, E. Honda, Darkwing Duck, Steve McQueen & Mr. T in a tank, Moltar & The Beatles in the EM-50, Joey, Pacy, Dawson, Strong Guy, Solid Snake, Keith Mars, Veronica Mars, Weevil, Ellie, Katie, Simone, Benjy, Diego, Baby Jaguar, Ewok #75, Sand Trooper #1-25, Treasure Troll #26, Gigantor, The Scarlet Spider, Good Luck Bear, Pichu, Jonny Blaze, Yuzzem #1-5, Despotellis, Marcus Brody, Sala, Cookies, Blue Beetle, Grimace in a Mail Jeep, Dr. Seth Brundel, Nom Anor, Kobold #1-7, Rakkim Epps, Smoky the Bear, Christopher Robin, Dave Thomas, Wendy, Fedayeen Assassin #1,/ Ford Prefect, Zaphrod Beezlebrock, Trillian, & Marvin the Paranoid Android in The Heart of Gold, Ancient Sith Lord #8-14, Failed Jedi #1-10, Mandalorian #6-10, Arachnid #1-25, Sand Trooper Officer #1, & Battle Droid #100.
In an attempt to rally the spirits of these 2 winless teams I, as watcher of this match have decided to hang the very prize, the coveted green lantern ring in the sky above the 2 teams as incentive. It’s emerald aura glowing for all to see. Their have been some pundits and talking heads who have been saying that these 2 teams may not have it in them to win even a single match this year, but those geniuses obviously never looked at the schedule long enough to realize that they eventually played each other; well, either that or they thought that when they did fight one another that they would find a way to both lose somehow. I don’t know how that is possible, but if there were any 2 teams that could do it would be these 2. The Sand Trooper Officer positions his Sand Troopers right alongside the beach, as The Gremlins jump into the water and continue to multiply. The Sand Troopers are able to keep them at bay with their blasters, but they dare not leave or the gremlin problem could truly get out of hand. Geoff Johns and Sparky Anderson, the teams 2 respective head coaches, who both gave themselves the start for the big week decide that they are going to meet at the beginning of the match as if they were army generals of old parlaying one another. They both go up in Superman’s truck and decide to let their 2 teams begin the battle, but they would speak with one another peaceably about what could be done to speed things up and to make everything go a little smoother (I mean who are we kidding Chris & Jared’s wives both just had kids this week, like they want to read a 10 page match). The 2 of them get along pretty well, and they both speak very openly with each other. Geoff Johns starts: “I’m gonna be honest, Sparky. Do you mind if I call you Sparky? I haven’t seen a collection of characters this useless since I interviewed for that job at Image”. “you’re not kidding Geoff, I feel like I’m coaching the ‘89 Tigers again and were playing out yearly scrimmage against The Mudhens”. Sparky retorts. The 2 of them cruise around in Superman’s truck for a while and then they stop at the only bar on the entire play-off planet (what can I say, war is hell). Once they are there they start telling old war stories about the Tigers and Comic Books and what have you. And I as the Watcher listen in on this instead of watching the match because it is simply more interesting, and plus I’m the all-powerful Watcher; and I do whatever the s**t I want. The 2 Head Coaches (I guess I don’t need to call them “Head” coaches since neither of these teams have assistant coaches) have an absolute blast with one another and I’ll be honest when I tell you that I totally lost count of how many beers they had, plus I’m wearing shoes and it’s kind of hard for me to get past 10 when that is going on, not to mention the trays of shots that they were buying for the whole bar (including the cool looking beret-wearing cat in the back, that is actually me in disguise; so I hope you’ll forgive me if the rest of this match is a little shaky (if you know what I mean(and I think you do))). As the 2 of them are stumbling back to Superman’s Truck, the bartender pops out from the backroom and yells “HEY!! Friends don’t let friends drink and drive“, to which Geoff Johns replied: “Oh, don’t worry, we’re actually enemies” as he is patting Sparky on the back. This pat on the back then actually prompted Sparky to projectile vomit everywhere, which of course made both of them laugh even harder than they already were. After they both pee in the parking lot, they do finally get in the truck and Geoff asks Sparky: “So, do you want me to just drop you off back where I picked you up“? Sparky has a moment of clarity long enough to answer him with: “No, I’ve got to imagine that there is quite a battle going on right there by now. Why don’t we just find a spot where nothing is going on” Geoff is already laughing under his breath when he replies with: “Good, cause I wouldn’t be able to get you there anyway. Considering that I can’t even see the steering wheel... (delay)... HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”! So then after the uproarious laughter died down they started to get all existential and they were really digging the conversation, so they stopped at the play-off planet’s only party store and grabbed a couple of four-ohs for the Rizzide as Sparky so eloquently put it. They then bought a bag of .......... Oh crap, I was supposed to be telling you guys about what happened in the battle wasn’t I. I totally forgot about that crap. I said I was gonna keep it short to, didn’t I, and we’re totally pushing page 3 and nobody has even died yet. Maybe I should go check out what is going on. Okay, so lets do this. Alright well the match. Okay well it looks like I kinda missed the beginning of this flaming turd, so I’ll just kind of let y’all know what is up so far. It looks like some people have indeed died already, but I can’t really tell you how, when, or who killed them, because I wasn’t paying attention. I normally would just rewind the match and use my godlike powers to show you what happened, but, well this is kind of embarrassing but well...... Okay fine I’ll just say it. The reason that the Watchers can do that normally is because we have these little remote controls like in that Sandler movie with the hot chick from Pearl Harbor in it, who was totally easy for a chick from the ‘40’s. But I lost my wallet in the bathroom at the bar and then I had to trade my clicker to some dude to pay my bar bill, so_______, here we are. And, well... Wait a tick, what were we talking about again? Oh yeah, that’s right the match. So when I began witnessing this hot mess of feces, the following characters were already dead: Prometheus, The Manhunters (Alpha, Beta, & Central), Magmar, Brett Favre (thank God, I’m sick of watching him), Tumbles, Mumbles, Stumbles, Fumbles, Carl, and all the other Warwolves, The Triceratons: Stomp, Whomp, Thwomp, Pomp, & Carl, Howard & Merv the Gremlins, along with countless other newly born gremlins that are getting replaced by the minute, Cody Jones, Serling, Sniffle the Ewok, Starman, The Ray, Dementor #8, Capt. Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Dr. Owen Cooper, Toshiko Sato, Ianto Jones, Joey, Pacy, Dawson, Keith Mars, Veronica Mars, Weevil, Ellie, Katie, Simone, Benjy, Archie, Moltar and The Beatles (I’m actually kind of bummed that I missed that train wreck), All 5 Yuzzems, Treasure Troll #26, Ben Reilly Spiderman, Marcus Brody, Sala, Cookies, Dr. Seth Brundel, All 7 Kobolds, Christopher Robin, Dave & Wendy Thomas (I’m pretty sure they just died from eating to many of the nasty fries they serve), & It seems like a bunch of The Sand Troopers (like I said before, I was told there would be no math), & Battle Droid #100, Oh yeah, and while I was putting together that list, it seems that The Starship Casino has crashed into The Heart of Gold and not only killed all involved, but the falling and flaming debris also killed: Hawk, Clanks the Terminator, Nom Anor, & Darkwing Duck. USAgent kills Black Tom Cassidy with a shield to the neck, but he dumps his motorcycle in the process. He then kills Tom Brady, but is overtaken by Shatterstar & The Huntress. The Mandalorians give Barry Sanders the largest thermal detonator that they can piece together from their gear and hand it off to him. Barry moves thru the crowd of Logical Genociders as if his ankles were not even attached to his feet just like he used to back in the good old days before Barry, like almost all Detroiters realized that going to strip clubs is way more entertaining than the Lions. Barry is trying to deliver the detonator to Sandworm #11, where he will hopefully rendezvous with some of his teammates to bring down the mighty Shai Halud He is running as fast as he can and doing an amazing job of evading the LG haters, when he sees the massive worm in sight. he is then joined by his teammate The Flaming Carrot (who killed Zombie Tyler Derdon & Zombie Marine #2 on the way to the desert) who flies in doing whatever it is he does. Han Solo and Jeff Houslander are also above in the Snow Speeder, which definitely did not have to be adapted to the cold for this harsh desert heat (did anybody else ever think it was weird that in Empire they have a ship called a snow speeder that has to be adapted to the cold? I mean wouldn’t something built for speeding in the snow already be adapted for cold weather)? Anyway Han and his Chewie replacement Jeff throw some harpoons and tow cables around the mighty worm to keep it from diving back below the sand while the Flaming Carrot goes all Flaming Carrot on him and Barry Sanders decides that: HE MIGHT GO ALL THE WAY and delivers the thermal detonator into the mouth of the worm. Both Barry Sanders and The Flaming Carrot die in this attack but they are successful in ending the life of the sandworm as well. Beta Ray Bill crushes KITT with Michael still inside it and then goes on to kill both Adam Strange and The Hood with some Asgardian whatever and stuff. Red Lantern #2 uses his red energy ring to take out all 3 Scout Troopers on their speeder bikes, and then gets some help from Iron Patriot and Moonstone to take out the rest of the Scout Troopers. Tallahassee and the Zombieland crew start arguing over Arachnid kill of the week while they are wasting Arachnids like crazy from their Hummer, but they don’t have a chance to debate Ancient Sith Lord kill of the week, because once they attack The Zombieland crew dies pretty quick. Where are Chris Seeney and Cannon Fodder Smurf you ask? Chris Seeney and Cannon Fodder Smurf are flying high above the sky, trying to get to the green lantern ring that the watcher (that’s me) so rudely placed at the very cusp of the atmosphere. It just seems as though every time they get close to it something crazy happens and it keeps them away. “I’m aching for that ring see-eff” says Seeney as they keep flying closer and closer to the ring, but are never able to get to it. The smurf replies with: “perhaps we should return to the battle and worry about the ring later, but what do I know, I’m just smurf”. Chris says: “Ya know See-eff, I don’t know if you’re being sarcastic are whatever they call it, but I totally agree with you... You are just a smurf and I totally don’t really like your opinion even by smurf standards so why don’t I just drop you off at Gargamel’s house or something”? Cannon just shakes his head and doesn’t reply. The cockpit remains silent for this long..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... “Hey See-eff” Seeney says. No answer from Cannon, so Chris continues: “Hey broseph, I’m really sorry about that Gargamel remark. I mean, that was pretty insensitive of me, you probably have family members or tribe members or smurf dudes you knew or an old smurf girlfriend who prolly got eaten by Gargamel or used in one of his evil spell stews or something, and I feel like I shouldn’t of said that”. “It’s all good dawg” Cannon Fodder says with a smile. “Bros”? Seeney asks. “Bros”. Cannon replies. Then they fist bumped each other and put on the Titanic theme for a bit. Oh crap, I’m doing it again aren’t I. I just can’t stay focused on this match today. Alright, lets catch up. It looks like I missed some more stuff well I was up there watching that Bridget Jones remake up there, so as it turns out The Hamburgler, Robert & Melissa Hudson, Bane, Moonstone, Black Dragon #11 (Cyphillic), and Snoogans the Xenomorph bit it for The L.Gers and Grimace in the Mail Jeep, Prof. Snape, Serious Black, Rakkim Epps, Fedayeen Assassin #1, Smoky the Bear, all 12 Sardakaur terror troops, The rest of The Arachnids and all 5 Mandalorians are toast for The Built Ford Tough Squad. The Ancient Sith Lords lead the Failed Jedi (who they are secretly training in the ways of the dark side) as well as Grapple, Solid Snake, and Gigantor against Cuddles the Cybertronian Guardian and Ed the Neo-Cymek (named after his former TEAMmate Ed Zacharski of course). Ed and Cuddles, as well as there buddy Predator #48 are all defeated but it comes at a heavy cost to the Fords, as only 5 of the Sith Lords (Darth Taurus was killed) survive the attack. The Failed Jedi, Solid Snake, Grapple, & Gigantor all fall in this quick skirmish. Iron Patriot unloads several slips at Good Luck Bear, but they all miss (I wonder why)? In the ultimate act of defiance both E. Honda and Strong Guy walk right past the sign on the Living Killing Roller Coaster that says there is a weight limit. They go on the coaster, it starts up and then breaks. i.e. victory for the fatties. Dr. Deathbrain knows how to jump so he beats E. Honda, but then Harrison Ford pukes on the evil Dr. and Deathbrain dies of alcohol poisoning. Hector, Riff Raff, Mungo, Wordsworth, & Cleo are chillin in Air Ford One talking about how awesome they are when Indiana Jones suddenly jumps onto their hood. Indy struggles for a second, and then suddenly the car falls off a cliff, but Indy grabs a branch with his whip and saves himself in the knick of time (it happens, trust me). Andrew Jackson Libby & The Doctor work out way to many equations and possibilities before they target Goro from Air Wolfe and blow his arms right off his body (he’s got 4 ya know). V then uses his yellow ring to blast Air Wolfe with a huge yellow energy dagger which takes it down for good. Them good ol’ duke boys crash into the entire Deadly Viper Assassin Squad and for a split second form the perfect amalgamation of cheesy crap that everybody on the planet likes, but then they all die. Mera gets pissed that she hasn’t been in this match yet and that I didn’t even bother to mention the water portion of the planet and takes out her aggression on Power Man and Iron Fist (ya know by killing them and stuff). She then kills Strong Guy for being the dumbest character to ever be on X-Factor, but is killed by Star Sapphire. Mr. T would pity the fool who got killed by Red Lantern #2, but he can’t cause it was him. The Red Lantern then went on to kill Steve McQueen (he just blew up the tank they were in if you didn’t guess that already) & Cowboy Curtis as well. Diego and Baby Jaguar stand there and look cute, but not so cute that boys little boys don’t like them, just that perfect amount cute mixed with rugged outdoorsiness that Dora could never pull off but Diego just nails every time. Speaking of cute Fantastic Max has FX throw down some of that Rock N Roll crap that we all love more than our Moms which gives him this wicked suit that he uses to baby bottle the armor right off Iron Patriot. Norman Osborne is furious by this, mostly because he got killed by it. Jedi Master #28 is about to go on an attack run in his B-Wing, but Han Solo gets on his tail and shoots him down with the Snow Speeders blasters. Yellow powered V & Red powered Red Lantern #2 team up to take out Star Sapphire, but they are then wasted by the Aslan/Bet Ray Bill combo that you’ve been hearing so much about on the internet lately. Jason Todd kills Wilt and I’m not going to tell you how, so there. Jason Todd then teams with The Huntress, & Shatterstar to take out Indiana Jones, Jack Ryan, & Harrison Ford. They then take out Blue Beetle and Pichu, but Jason Todd doesn’t survive the fight. Jonny Blaze then shoots his hellfire shotgun at Huntress to kill her, but Shatterstar takes him out with a broadsword to the face. Despotellis then infects Shatterstar as well to finally end his butt-kicking session. After all of the waiting, Titan Force Five finally jumps into the fray. Titan Maximum is surrounded by what is left of Built Ford Tough but the huge piece of machinery attempts to put quite a hurtin’ on them. Titan Maximum kills Despotellis and seems to have Beta Ray Bill right where he wants him when Han Solo’s Snow Speeder comes rocketing into the scene. Han says to his bro Jeff: “You ready to do this again bud”? Jeff says: “I don’t care, it’s not my last life. They’ll bring me back, are you sure you want to do this”? “I’ll tell you what Jeff, if you’re still on this team in 3 years, you’ll want to crash into a giant robot too”. In that case: “God speed Han ol’ buddy” Jeff says as Han Solo Crashes his Snow Speeder directly into the face of Titan Maximum to kill all 5 member of The Titan Force Five for good. With the unfolding of this event, The aura that I had placed around the prized free-floating green lantern ring that I placed in the sky is lifted. And Chris Seeney finally has his chance to grab the ring. The Lex Soar-7 is only a couple of feet away when Chris all of the sudden hears some raucous laughter, followed by an “OH CRAP”! Seeney and Cannon look over at the last second as recklessly driven Truck of Superman which is still carrying both Geoff Johns and Sparky Anderson crashes into the Lex Soar-7. Cannon Fodder dies on impact but Chris Seeney jumps out of the vehicle and reaches for the green lantern ring. The ring just barely passes thru his fingers as he yells: “MY PRECIOUS”! Right before he plummets to his doom.
BUILT FORD TOUGH IS VICTORIOUS!
Built Ford Tough is Sparky Anderson, Han Solo & Jeff Houslander in a Snow Speeder, Indiana Jones, Jack Ryan, Harrison Ford, USAgent on a Ducatti, Scout Trooper #1-3 on Speeder Bikes, Scout Trooper #4-33, Wilt, Barry Sanders, Sardakaur #1-12, Beta Ray Bill, Capt. Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Dr. Owen Cooper, Toshiko Sato, Ianto Jones, The Deadly Viper Assassin Squad: Bill, Bud, O Ren Ishi, Elle Driver, & Vernita Green, Prof. Snape, Serious Black, The Flaming Carrot, Power Man & Iron Fist, Star Sapphire, Fantastic Max, FX, & AB, Grapple, Cowboy Curtis, Archie the Octospider, Andrew Jackson Libby & Dr. Who in Air Wolfe, E. Honda, Darkwing Duck, Steve McQueen & Mr. T in a tank, Moltar & The Beatles in the EM-50, Joey, Pacy, Dawson, Strong Guy, Solid Snake, Keith Mars, Veronica Mars, Weevil, Ellie, Katie, Simone, Benjy, Diego, Baby Jaguar, Ewok #75, Sand Trooper #1-25, Treasure Troll #26, Gigantor, The Scarlet Spider, Good Luck Bear, Pichu, Jonny Blaze, Yuzzem #1-5, Despotellis, Marcus Brody, Sala, Cookies, Blue Beetle, Grimace in a Mail Jeep, Dr. Seth Brundel, Nom Anor, Kobold #1-7, Rakkim Epps, Smoky the Bear, Christopher Robin, Dave Thomas, Wendy, Fedayeen Assassin #1,/ Ford Prefect, Zaphrod Beezlebrock, Trillian, & Marvin the Paranoid Android in The Heart of Gold, Ancient Sith Lord #8-14, Failed Jedi #1-10, Mandalorian #6-10, Arachnid #1-25, Sand Trooper Officer #1, & Battle Droid #100.
In an attempt to rally the spirits of these 2 winless teams I, as watcher of this match have decided to hang the very prize, the coveted green lantern ring in the sky above the 2 teams as incentive. It’s emerald aura glowing for all to see. Their have been some pundits and talking heads who have been saying that these 2 teams may not have it in them to win even a single match this year, but those geniuses obviously never looked at the schedule long enough to realize that they eventually played each other; well, either that or they thought that when they did fight one another that they would find a way to both lose somehow. I don’t know how that is possible, but if there were any 2 teams that could do it would be these 2. The Sand Trooper Officer positions his Sand Troopers right alongside the beach, as The Gremlins jump into the water and continue to multiply. The Sand Troopers are able to keep them at bay with their blasters, but they dare not leave or the gremlin problem could truly get out of hand. Geoff Johns and Sparky Anderson, the teams 2 respective head coaches, who both gave themselves the start for the big week decide that they are going to meet at the beginning of the match as if they were army generals of old parlaying one another. They both go up in Superman’s truck and decide to let their 2 teams begin the battle, but they would speak with one another peaceably about what could be done to speed things up and to make everything go a little smoother (I mean who are we kidding Chris & Jared’s wives both just had kids this week, like they want to read a 10 page match). The 2 of them get along pretty well, and they both speak very openly with each other. Geoff Johns starts: “I’m gonna be honest, Sparky. Do you mind if I call you Sparky? I haven’t seen a collection of characters this useless since I interviewed for that job at Image”. “you’re not kidding Geoff, I feel like I’m coaching the ‘89 Tigers again and were playing out yearly scrimmage against The Mudhens”. Sparky retorts. The 2 of them cruise around in Superman’s truck for a while and then they stop at the only bar on the entire play-off planet (what can I say, war is hell). Once they are there they start telling old war stories about the Tigers and Comic Books and what have you. And I as the Watcher listen in on this instead of watching the match because it is simply more interesting, and plus I’m the all-powerful Watcher; and I do whatever the s**t I want. The 2 Head Coaches (I guess I don’t need to call them “Head” coaches since neither of these teams have assistant coaches) have an absolute blast with one another and I’ll be honest when I tell you that I totally lost count of how many beers they had, plus I’m wearing shoes and it’s kind of hard for me to get past 10 when that is going on, not to mention the trays of shots that they were buying for the whole bar (including the cool looking beret-wearing cat in the back, that is actually me in disguise; so I hope you’ll forgive me if the rest of this match is a little shaky (if you know what I mean(and I think you do))). As the 2 of them are stumbling back to Superman’s Truck, the bartender pops out from the backroom and yells “HEY!! Friends don’t let friends drink and drive“, to which Geoff Johns replied: “Oh, don’t worry, we’re actually enemies” as he is patting Sparky on the back. This pat on the back then actually prompted Sparky to projectile vomit everywhere, which of course made both of them laugh even harder than they already were. After they both pee in the parking lot, they do finally get in the truck and Geoff asks Sparky: “So, do you want me to just drop you off back where I picked you up“? Sparky has a moment of clarity long enough to answer him with: “No, I’ve got to imagine that there is quite a battle going on right there by now. Why don’t we just find a spot where nothing is going on” Geoff is already laughing under his breath when he replies with: “Good, cause I wouldn’t be able to get you there anyway. Considering that I can’t even see the steering wheel... (delay)... HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”! So then after the uproarious laughter died down they started to get all existential and they were really digging the conversation, so they stopped at the play-off planet’s only party store and grabbed a couple of four-ohs for the Rizzide as Sparky so eloquently put it. They then bought a bag of .......... Oh crap, I was supposed to be telling you guys about what happened in the battle wasn’t I. I totally forgot about that crap. I said I was gonna keep it short to, didn’t I, and we’re totally pushing page 3 and nobody has even died yet. Maybe I should go check out what is going on. Okay, so lets do this. Alright well the match. Okay well it looks like I kinda missed the beginning of this flaming turd, so I’ll just kind of let y’all know what is up so far. It looks like some people have indeed died already, but I can’t really tell you how, when, or who killed them, because I wasn’t paying attention. I normally would just rewind the match and use my godlike powers to show you what happened, but, well this is kind of embarrassing but well...... Okay fine I’ll just say it. The reason that the Watchers can do that normally is because we have these little remote controls like in that Sandler movie with the hot chick from Pearl Harbor in it, who was totally easy for a chick from the ‘40’s. But I lost my wallet in the bathroom at the bar and then I had to trade my clicker to some dude to pay my bar bill, so_______, here we are. And, well... Wait a tick, what were we talking about again? Oh yeah, that’s right the match. So when I began witnessing this hot mess of feces, the following characters were already dead: Prometheus, The Manhunters (Alpha, Beta, & Central), Magmar, Brett Favre (thank God, I’m sick of watching him), Tumbles, Mumbles, Stumbles, Fumbles, Carl, and all the other Warwolves, The Triceratons: Stomp, Whomp, Thwomp, Pomp, & Carl, Howard & Merv the Gremlins, along with countless other newly born gremlins that are getting replaced by the minute, Cody Jones, Serling, Sniffle the Ewok, Starman, The Ray, Dementor #8, Capt. Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Dr. Owen Cooper, Toshiko Sato, Ianto Jones, Joey, Pacy, Dawson, Keith Mars, Veronica Mars, Weevil, Ellie, Katie, Simone, Benjy, Archie, Moltar and The Beatles (I’m actually kind of bummed that I missed that train wreck), All 5 Yuzzems, Treasure Troll #26, Ben Reilly Spiderman, Marcus Brody, Sala, Cookies, Dr. Seth Brundel, All 7 Kobolds, Christopher Robin, Dave & Wendy Thomas (I’m pretty sure they just died from eating to many of the nasty fries they serve), & It seems like a bunch of The Sand Troopers (like I said before, I was told there would be no math), & Battle Droid #100, Oh yeah, and while I was putting together that list, it seems that The Starship Casino has crashed into The Heart of Gold and not only killed all involved, but the falling and flaming debris also killed: Hawk, Clanks the Terminator, Nom Anor, & Darkwing Duck. USAgent kills Black Tom Cassidy with a shield to the neck, but he dumps his motorcycle in the process. He then kills Tom Brady, but is overtaken by Shatterstar & The Huntress. The Mandalorians give Barry Sanders the largest thermal detonator that they can piece together from their gear and hand it off to him. Barry moves thru the crowd of Logical Genociders as if his ankles were not even attached to his feet just like he used to back in the good old days before Barry, like almost all Detroiters realized that going to strip clubs is way more entertaining than the Lions. Barry is trying to deliver the detonator to Sandworm #11, where he will hopefully rendezvous with some of his teammates to bring down the mighty Shai Halud He is running as fast as he can and doing an amazing job of evading the LG haters, when he sees the massive worm in sight. he is then joined by his teammate The Flaming Carrot (who killed Zombie Tyler Derdon & Zombie Marine #2 on the way to the desert) who flies in doing whatever it is he does. Han Solo and Jeff Houslander are also above in the Snow Speeder, which definitely did not have to be adapted to the cold for this harsh desert heat (did anybody else ever think it was weird that in Empire they have a ship called a snow speeder that has to be adapted to the cold? I mean wouldn’t something built for speeding in the snow already be adapted for cold weather)? Anyway Han and his Chewie replacement Jeff throw some harpoons and tow cables around the mighty worm to keep it from diving back below the sand while the Flaming Carrot goes all Flaming Carrot on him and Barry Sanders decides that: HE MIGHT GO ALL THE WAY and delivers the thermal detonator into the mouth of the worm. Both Barry Sanders and The Flaming Carrot die in this attack but they are successful in ending the life of the sandworm as well. Beta Ray Bill crushes KITT with Michael still inside it and then goes on to kill both Adam Strange and The Hood with some Asgardian whatever and stuff. Red Lantern #2 uses his red energy ring to take out all 3 Scout Troopers on their speeder bikes, and then gets some help from Iron Patriot and Moonstone to take out the rest of the Scout Troopers. Tallahassee and the Zombieland crew start arguing over Arachnid kill of the week while they are wasting Arachnids like crazy from their Hummer, but they don’t have a chance to debate Ancient Sith Lord kill of the week, because once they attack The Zombieland crew dies pretty quick. Where are Chris Seeney and Cannon Fodder Smurf you ask? Chris Seeney and Cannon Fodder Smurf are flying high above the sky, trying to get to the green lantern ring that the watcher (that’s me) so rudely placed at the very cusp of the atmosphere. It just seems as though every time they get close to it something crazy happens and it keeps them away. “I’m aching for that ring see-eff” says Seeney as they keep flying closer and closer to the ring, but are never able to get to it. The smurf replies with: “perhaps we should return to the battle and worry about the ring later, but what do I know, I’m just smurf”. Chris says: “Ya know See-eff, I don’t know if you’re being sarcastic are whatever they call it, but I totally agree with you... You are just a smurf and I totally don’t really like your opinion even by smurf standards so why don’t I just drop you off at Gargamel’s house or something”? Cannon just shakes his head and doesn’t reply. The cockpit remains silent for this long..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... “Hey See-eff” Seeney says. No answer from Cannon, so Chris continues: “Hey broseph, I’m really sorry about that Gargamel remark. I mean, that was pretty insensitive of me, you probably have family members or tribe members or smurf dudes you knew or an old smurf girlfriend who prolly got eaten by Gargamel or used in one of his evil spell stews or something, and I feel like I shouldn’t of said that”. “It’s all good dawg” Cannon Fodder says with a smile. “Bros”? Seeney asks. “Bros”. Cannon replies. Then they fist bumped each other and put on the Titanic theme for a bit. Oh crap, I’m doing it again aren’t I. I just can’t stay focused on this match today. Alright, lets catch up. It looks like I missed some more stuff well I was up there watching that Bridget Jones remake up there, so as it turns out The Hamburgler, Robert & Melissa Hudson, Bane, Moonstone, Black Dragon #11 (Cyphillic), and Snoogans the Xenomorph bit it for The L.Gers and Grimace in the Mail Jeep, Prof. Snape, Serious Black, Rakkim Epps, Fedayeen Assassin #1, Smoky the Bear, all 12 Sardakaur terror troops, The rest of The Arachnids and all 5 Mandalorians are toast for The Built Ford Tough Squad. The Ancient Sith Lords lead the Failed Jedi (who they are secretly training in the ways of the dark side) as well as Grapple, Solid Snake, and Gigantor against Cuddles the Cybertronian Guardian and Ed the Neo-Cymek (named after his former TEAMmate Ed Zacharski of course). Ed and Cuddles, as well as there buddy Predator #48 are all defeated but it comes at a heavy cost to the Fords, as only 5 of the Sith Lords (Darth Taurus was killed) survive the attack. The Failed Jedi, Solid Snake, Grapple, & Gigantor all fall in this quick skirmish. Iron Patriot unloads several slips at Good Luck Bear, but they all miss (I wonder why)? In the ultimate act of defiance both E. Honda and Strong Guy walk right past the sign on the Living Killing Roller Coaster that says there is a weight limit. They go on the coaster, it starts up and then breaks. i.e. victory for the fatties. Dr. Deathbrain knows how to jump so he beats E. Honda, but then Harrison Ford pukes on the evil Dr. and Deathbrain dies of alcohol poisoning. Hector, Riff Raff, Mungo, Wordsworth, & Cleo are chillin in Air Ford One talking about how awesome they are when Indiana Jones suddenly jumps onto their hood. Indy struggles for a second, and then suddenly the car falls off a cliff, but Indy grabs a branch with his whip and saves himself in the knick of time (it happens, trust me). Andrew Jackson Libby & The Doctor work out way to many equations and possibilities before they target Goro from Air Wolfe and blow his arms right off his body (he’s got 4 ya know). V then uses his yellow ring to blast Air Wolfe with a huge yellow energy dagger which takes it down for good. Them good ol’ duke boys crash into the entire Deadly Viper Assassin Squad and for a split second form the perfect amalgamation of cheesy crap that everybody on the planet likes, but then they all die. Mera gets pissed that she hasn’t been in this match yet and that I didn’t even bother to mention the water portion of the planet and takes out her aggression on Power Man and Iron Fist (ya know by killing them and stuff). She then kills Strong Guy for being the dumbest character to ever be on X-Factor, but is killed by Star Sapphire. Mr. T would pity the fool who got killed by Red Lantern #2, but he can’t cause it was him. The Red Lantern then went on to kill Steve McQueen (he just blew up the tank they were in if you didn’t guess that already) & Cowboy Curtis as well. Diego and Baby Jaguar stand there and look cute, but not so cute that boys little boys don’t like them, just that perfect amount cute mixed with rugged outdoorsiness that Dora could never pull off but Diego just nails every time. Speaking of cute Fantastic Max has FX throw down some of that Rock N Roll crap that we all love more than our Moms which gives him this wicked suit that he uses to baby bottle the armor right off Iron Patriot. Norman Osborne is furious by this, mostly because he got killed by it. Jedi Master #28 is about to go on an attack run in his B-Wing, but Han Solo gets on his tail and shoots him down with the Snow Speeders blasters. Yellow powered V & Red powered Red Lantern #2 team up to take out Star Sapphire, but they are then wasted by the Aslan/Bet Ray Bill combo that you’ve been hearing so much about on the internet lately. Jason Todd kills Wilt and I’m not going to tell you how, so there. Jason Todd then teams with The Huntress, & Shatterstar to take out Indiana Jones, Jack Ryan, & Harrison Ford. They then take out Blue Beetle and Pichu, but Jason Todd doesn’t survive the fight. Jonny Blaze then shoots his hellfire shotgun at Huntress to kill her, but Shatterstar takes him out with a broadsword to the face. Despotellis then infects Shatterstar as well to finally end his butt-kicking session. After all of the waiting, Titan Force Five finally jumps into the fray. Titan Maximum is surrounded by what is left of Built Ford Tough but the huge piece of machinery attempts to put quite a hurtin’ on them. Titan Maximum kills Despotellis and seems to have Beta Ray Bill right where he wants him when Han Solo’s Snow Speeder comes rocketing into the scene. Han says to his bro Jeff: “You ready to do this again bud”? Jeff says: “I don’t care, it’s not my last life. They’ll bring me back, are you sure you want to do this”? “I’ll tell you what Jeff, if you’re still on this team in 3 years, you’ll want to crash into a giant robot too”. In that case: “God speed Han ol’ buddy” Jeff says as Han Solo Crashes his Snow Speeder directly into the face of Titan Maximum to kill all 5 member of The Titan Force Five for good. With the unfolding of this event, The aura that I had placed around the prized free-floating green lantern ring that I placed in the sky is lifted. And Chris Seeney finally has his chance to grab the ring. The Lex Soar-7 is only a couple of feet away when Chris all of the sudden hears some raucous laughter, followed by an “OH CRAP”! Seeney and Cannon look over at the last second as recklessly driven Truck of Superman which is still carrying both Geoff Johns and Sparky Anderson crashes into the Lex Soar-7. Cannon Fodder dies on impact but Chris Seeney jumps out of the vehicle and reaches for the green lantern ring. The ring just barely passes thru his fingers as he yells: “MY PRECIOUS”! Right before he plummets to his doom.
BUILT FORD TOUGH IS VICTORIOUS!
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