TEAM Vs. The Royal Highness

TEAM is (Red Son) Superman, Lando Calrissean, Black Lantern Pete Sosa, Steve Wiebe, and Andrew Laidlaw.

The Royal Highness is The Fantastic Four: Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, The Human Torch, and The Thing, and Blade.


Aww man, Pogo here, back to work after a long off-season. I gotta get to it in about an hour here. I’m just gonna set the ol’ alarm on my phone and rest my eyes while I lay on this here couch in the Watcher’s Lounge. And maybe just doze off for a couple of min…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..[BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP]…………… Ah, crap I guess I should get to it now that it is 10:00; and….. !!CRAP!! Does that say PM? It does say PM, I just slept through my first match of the season. Dammit!! Those guys are gonna be pissed. I mean, the match has got to be over by now………. Oh well……. I guess there is nothing else to do now but flip on the T.V. I bet Sports Center is on, oh yeah here it is…………….


DA-DA-DUH….. DA-DA-DUH….


Oh, Sweet!! Maybe if I just read the ticker at the bottom I can get enough info to find out who won this piece of crap. Hmm: Women’s Basketball, Soccer, PGA, oh okay, here we go FFL Junk. Jeez, do they really need to record all of these stats?? Just show me the final score already so I can send the results over to that A-Hole Joshatu. Oh, that’s weird; Steve Wiebe, Andrew Laidlaw, and The Thing all died during the game. You don’t see that everyday. And Superman and Blade were both ejected, well it is safe to assume that they did some of the killing, or maybe The Thing did some of it, well he must of because that highlight of Superman breaking Thing into four pieces says that it was retaliation for the death of “The King of Galaga”. It looks like The Russian version of Kal El playing at power forward was the best single player in the game, at least offensively with 42 points, 11 rebounds, 2 assists, 10 blocks, 7 steals, 6 fouls, and 2 technical fouls. Human Torch and Invisible Woman were the weak links in the Fantastic Four; but it looks like Mr. Fantastic and The Thing more than made up for it. Invisible Woman got 2 points, 0 rebounds, 3 blocks, and 0 assists, but she did make herself useful with 13 steals no fouls for her either. Human Torch got 13 points, 5 boards, 7 blocks (but was called for goal-tending 3 times), 2 steals, and 6 assists. 3 fouls for Jonny, 2 of them flagrant for catching people on fire. Mr. Fantastic led the game with rebounds, getting 21 by himself. He added to that fantastic number with a triple double including 26 points, 7 steals, 10 assists, and 12 blocks. Reed was a good sport with only 1 foul on the night. The Thing was the point leader for The Highness with 29 (25 in the paint), as well as 11 boards, 6 assists, no blocks or steals. 5 fouls, 1 technical. Reed played Center, his wife at point guard and her brother with her in the back court as shooting guard. The Thing naturally was at power forward. The Black Lantern version of Pete Sosa was the best basketball mind on the court and led the TEAM at point guard, with Lando helping him out in the back court. Pete’s black lantern powers helped him regain his dunking ability from his high school and college days. Pete threw down 22 points, 4 rebounds, 2 steals, 16 assists, and 3 blocks. Lando shot 4 for 7 from behind the 3 point line and finished with 16 points, 1 rebound, 1 steal, no blocks or fouls (what a gentleman) and 7 assists. Steve Wiebe helped out with 2 three pointers and 9 points total. He also got 2 boards, 8 assists, a steal, 2 fouls, but no blocks. Laidlaw got 3 points as well (all from the free throw line). No steals or blocks, but he did get 1 rebound and 7 assists. 4 fouls from the tall small forward as well. To wrap up the Highness’ squad Blade showed off his perimeter game with 21 points. Also 5 boards, 11 assists, 3 steals, a block, 5 fouls and 2 technical fouls.

Damn, I’m thirsty. I’m gonna run to the fridge for a cold one………

Alright now where were we?? Okay and the final score was….. Ahh crap tennis highlights. I must have missed it.

I’m gonna have to watch the whole ticker again aren’t I….. CRAP!!!!

Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy

Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers…. err Mitchell’s High Maintenance… I mean Mitchy’s Luminous Tentacle Warriors are Fezzik, Tigger, Betlejuice, Lucario, and Cowboy Curtis.

Team Sleeping Pussy is Hanover Fiste, Savage Dragon, Capt. Guts, Giant Man, and Den.


Welcome to Season 7 everybody and to the Staples Center, home to everybody’s favorite pro-basketball team The Los Angeles Clippers!! We have a packed crowd for tonight’s festivities, and by packed crowd I of course mean that there are nine people here other than Billy Crystal, who pretty much just lives here while he is hiding from The Academy Awards Committee and all the would be producers of City Slickers 3.

Let’s get down to the action…

Giant Man wins the jump ball against Fezzik and Capt. Guts gets passed the ball from Den to begin the game. It looks like this is going to be a low scoring match up today, because neither of these teams seem to have a perimeter game or any dribbling abilities, except of course for Cowboy Curtis who, do to the high levels of melanin in his skin was born with natural talent for the game of basketball (it’s science). He makes the only shot from the perimeter in the first quarter. Everything else is either a slam dunk from the extra bouncy Tigger or lay-ups from Savage Dragon and Giant Man.

Score at the end of The First Quarter: Tentacle Warriors 12 Sleeping Pussies 8

Team Sleeping Pussy is getting into foul trouble early as Giant Man keeps growing a little bit larger in each play, which isn’t really a foul; but the refs don’t really know what else to do about it. Capt. Guts is doing his best to keep his team under control; but the fouls are really getting out of hand. Especially since Hanover Fiste just received a Flagrant 2 as well as a technical when he just killed Lucario… Yes, Lucario is dead… In a basketball game. Lucky for The Team SP crew, The Luminous Tentacle Warriors are only shooting 48% from the line.

Score at the end of the half: Tentacle Warriors 33 Sleeping Pussies 24

Halftime Show: The Flaming Lips play a medley of all their hit songs. I.e. they just play “Tangerines”, then everybody forgets about them for another 15 years.

As the third quarter begins, the rough fouls continue. Hanover Fiste and Den both foul out of the game about halfway through the quarter, but they do manage to put some points on the board as well. Team SP’s points in the paint more than double that of The Tentacles, with their only real threat being Fezzik, although the giant does have 14 rebounds and 11 points. Tigger puts on quite a clinic in this quarter as well by scoring 15 just in the third. Cowboy Curtis did get a technical foul though when he pulled out his six shooter and shot Hanover Fiste in the face after he was ejected for getting his 6th foul.

Score at the end of the third quarter: Tentacle Warriors 62 Sleeping Pussies 57

More of the same ensues as this game comes to a close. Giant Man and Savage Dragon both foul out of the game leaving Capt. Guts to play out the last few minutes of the 4th quarter by himself (he actually didn’t do too bad, with only holding the The Tentacle Warriors to 8 points in those 2 minutes and 14 seconds). Although it was only against three of them after Beetlejuice was killed by the small mob of people watching the game, led by Billy Crystal who had hit the edge of sanity and insanity not just because he is the most annoying character ever created, but also because his basketball skills are just that atrocious. Tigger adds insult to injury by wrapping up the game with one more monster dunk, bringing his point total up to 42 for the night.

Final Score: Tentacle Warriors 87 Sleeping Pussies 70

Season 7, Week 1 Match: Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse vs. The Empire

“One on one I wanna play that game tonight.”

-Hall and Oates [2014 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Inductees].

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 7, Week 1 Match located at Wayne State University’s Matthaei Center.  They are as follows:

The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse: Goofy; Jake, Cubby and Izzie (The Neverland Pirates) and Doc McStuffins.

The Empire: Bo Jackson; Lara Croft with purple lightsaber; Reverse Flash; Waluigi and Luchadore Assassin Chris Seeney.

Grindhouse locker room. . .

Doc McStuffins:  . . .  of course I know how to play basketball!  Plus, if any of you injure yourselves on the court, I’ll check out my Big Book of Boo Boos to help you feel better!

Jake: Yo ho, let’s go!!!

Empire locker room. . .

Waluigi:  Cheat to win! 

Croft:  Don’t need to cheat to win.  Just win!

THE GAME BUZZER SIGNALS THE TEAMS TO ENTER ONTO THE COURT.

Let the basketball game begin. . .

Tipoff. . . First Half. . .  

Goofy saunters to the middle of the court.  He looks down upon Bo Jackson.

Goofy:  Hey little man!  We are gonna’ beat you down!

Bo Jackson:  We’ll see, Goofy. Bo don’t do look kindly to being beaten down!

The ball is released into the air by the referee and Goofy manages to take control.  The Disney character dribbles down the court.  He passes the basketball to Jake who throws the ball into the air and makes the basket. 

Waluigi takes the ball and passes it inbounds to Reverse Flash.  Reverse Flash races across the wood, jumps over Cubby and dunks the ball. 

Cubby timidly takes the ball and attempts to pass it to Izzie.  Instead of meeting his target, the ball is stolen by Bo Jackson.  Jackson makes a basket after an easy layup.

Cubby responds to his mistake: Aw, coconuts!

Cubby takes the ball again and immediately throws it to Izzie.  Izzie takes the pixie dust from her pocket and sprinkles it on the ball.  The ball floats above the Empire’s players and swishes into the basket.

Luchadore Assassin Chris Seeney passes the ball to Lara Croft.  Croft dribbles around McStuffins and shoots the ball into the basket.

The points continue to slowly compound as each team continues to score. 

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!  The buzzer signals halftime.

SCORE

EMPIRE: 42

GRINDHOUSE: 34

Grindhouse locker room. . .   

Goofy: This basketball sh@t be craycray!  We gonna’ start street ballin’ bitches!  Just like Clarabelle says when we be at it – anything goes!!!

Jake: Yo ho, let’s go!

Empire locker room. . .

Croft:  Time for you boys to take your testicles out of your purses and put this game away!

L.A. Seeney:  Can’t.  I’m clipped.

THE GAME BUZZER SIGNALS THE TEAMS TO ENTER ONTO THE COURT FOR THE SECOND HALF OF THE GAME.

Goofy:  Hey little man!  Gonna curbstomp your motherf@%kin’ team’s a$$!

Bo Jackson:  We’ll see, Goofy. Bo don’t do look kindly to curbstompin!

The ball is released into the air and Goofy kicks Bo in the groin, catches the ball and begins to dribble down the court.  Waluigi creeps behind Goofy and without the referee noticing, kicks the unsightly giant in the back of the knee.  Goofy falls to the ground and L.A. Seeney quickly unsheaths a knife and stabs Goofy in his side.

Goofy:  Gawrsh!  I be stabbed!!!

Doc McStuffins races toward her teammate and helps him up.  L.A. Seeney is called for a foul and the referee points Goofy to the free throw line.  Goofy falls to his knees and McStuffins races to him. 

McStuffins: You have to play Goofy!  We need you!

Goofy: Will do!!!

The Grindhouse calls a time out and McStuffins bandages Goofy’s wound.  Goofy shakes off his injury and prepares to play ball.  He makes both free throws.

Waluigi throws the ball inbounds to L.A. Seeney.  Seeney runs down Izzie, who falls to the ground.  L.A. is called for another foul.  Izzie makes her free throws.

Croft throws the ball in to Seeney, who screams.  He looks down to see Jake’s wooden sword skirting into his rectum. 

Jake: Yo ho, let’s go!

Jake is called for a foul by the referee and Seeney hobbles toward the basket, making his shots.

The fouls mount to an ungodly number and both teams are on the precipe of having to forfeit the game.  The buzzer rings and the score is etched into history of the first posted basketball game of  Season 7, Week 1.

After the score is displayed, a brawl breaks out between the teams.  The referee is knocked out and thus, cannot control the pandemonium which ensues. 

Reverse Flash races around Cubby, causing a vortex which lifts the Neverland Pirate off the ground and propels him into a banner.  Cubby suffocates in the tapestry and dies.  As Izzie attempts to use her pixie dust to release Cubby to the ground (not knowing he is already dead), Croft slides across the floor and uses her lightsaber to cut the heads off of Izzie. 

Jake uses his Neverland skills to impale his wooden sword in the nefarious Waluigi.  Waluigi dies.  Jake turns around and Seeney rips into Jake’s throat with a slashing of daggers held in both hands.

Bo Jackson shatters a chair over the head of McStuffins, who crashes to the ground, profusely bleeding from her skull.  She is mortally wounded.  Bo looks down at his victim and is about to utilize his catchphrase in a witty way when Goofy picks him up and throws the ballplayer into the chairs surrounding the court.  Bo’s face is lulled over the back of a chair and Goofy curb stomps him.   A snap is heard and Goofy smiles.  Goofy then looks up to the scoreboard, shakes his head and hobbles back to the locker room, alone.

 

Season 7 Schedule

Welcome to Season 7.  Rosters are due into your respective watchers by Tuesday morning starting with this coming Tuesday, March 4th.  Matches are due to be posted by the following Sunday night / Early Monday morning.  The exception is that there is an extra week for watchers to write the big match between weeks 5 and 6.

Griffin is no longer participating so I apologize for not updating his team name with the new one because I do not know it.  Updated to Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors.

Beck's team name has been changed back to B3.

We are still looking for a couple volunteers to fill in for the matches Griffin was going to write in weeks 6 and 9.  email Josh if you want to pick up a week.  Thanks to NFG for grabbing these!

If anyone sees a problem with the schedule below, suck my nuts and call Josh.

SEASON 7 SCHEDULE
Week 1
-100 points
-Setting: Basketball court of the watcher's choosing.
-Prize: Fairchild VZ-5 and 8 Resurrection Points.

**In this match, the two teams will not actually be “fighting” but will be playing basketball against each other. You must play exactly 5 characters (no more, no less) and they must not total more than 100 points. There is no cap on how much any individual character can cost, but they must be able to fit on the court and line up at the opening jump up with their 4 teammates (sorry... no Tripticon or Godzilla).

-Griswold's Nut-busters Vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions (Nickatu (in his triumphant return to Watching)).
-TEAM Vs. The Royal Highness (The Neon Master Pogo).
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. Layanderlet's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family (Dave (NNFG)).
-Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Joshatu)
-Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyatches Vs. President Barack Obama and Miley Cyrus's Touring Battalion of Commandos (NuFaGtu).
-Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. The Empire (Becks).
-UNIVERSE BOWL CHAMPIONS: The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Real Man Rabble Rousers (Fizz)
-The Sisterhood of Traveling Midgets Vs. George Washington's Slaves (Krisatu).


Week 2
-300 Points
-Setting: The Water's of Usul's Homeworld
-Prize: NASA X-43 Hyper-X and 15 Resurrection Points

-TEAM Vs. Layanderlet's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family (Becks).
-Griswold's Nut-busters Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Krisatu)
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions (Nickatu).
-Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors Vs. The Royal Highness (The Neon Master Pogo)
-Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyatches Vs. Real Man's Rabble Rousers (Joshatu)
-Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. President Barack Obama and Miley Cyrus's Touring Battalion of Commandos (Dave (NNFG)).
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. George Washington's Slaves (NuFaGtu).
-The Sisterhood of Traveling Midgets Vs. The Empire (Fizz).


Week 3
-500 Points
-Setting: The Southside of Chicago: “The Baddest Part of Town” (Special Guest Referee: Bad Bad Leroy Brown).
-Prize: Clerva W.9 and 21 Resurrection Points.

-Griswold's Nut-busters Vs. Layanderlet's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family (Dave (NNFG)).
-TEAM Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (NuFaGtu).
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. The Royal Highness (Becks)
-Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors Vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions (Krisatu).
-Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyatches Vs. George Washington's Slaves (Dave (NNFG)).
-Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. Real Man's Rabble Rousers (Pogo).
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Empire (Joshatu)
-The Sisterhood of Traveling Midgets Vs. President Barack Obama and Miley Cyrus's Touring Battalion of Commandos (Fizz).


Week 4
-700 Points
-Setting: Beyond the Outer Rim
-Prize: Rockwell X-30 and 35 Graveyard Points.

-Griswold's Nut-busters Vs. The Royal Highness (Dave (NNFG)).
-Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions Vs. TEAM (Joshatu)
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Pogo)
-Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors Vs. Layanderlet's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family (Nickatu).
-Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyatches Vs. The Empire (NuFaGtu)
-Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. George Wahington's Slaves (Heather)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. President Barack Obama and Miley Cyrus's Touring Battalion of Commandos (Krisatu).
-The Sisterhood of Traveling Midgets Vs. Real Man's Rabble Rousers (Becks).


Week 5
-999 Points
-Setting: The Play-Off Planet
-Prize: F-117 Nighthawk Stealth Fighter and 45 Graveyard Points

-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Royal Highness (Joshatu)
-President Barack Obama and Miley Cyrus's Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Griswold's Nut-busters (Pogo).
-Real Man's Rabble Rousers Vs. Layanderlet's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family (Fizz).
-The Empire Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies (Joshatu).
-Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyatches Vs. Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors (Krisatu).
-Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Dave (NNFG)).
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions (Becks).
-The Sisterhood of Traveling Midgets Vs. TEAM (NuFaGtu).


Week 6
-450 Points
-Setting: The Outskirts of Arakeen
-Prize: Bell X-2 and 20 Resurrection Points.
**You may only play 1 Unique character in this match, as a team captain of sorts. The rest must ALL be Commons.

-George Washington's Slaves Vs. Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors (Becks).
-President Barack Obama and Miley Cyrus's Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (NuFaGtu).
-Real Man's Rabble Rousers Vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions (Pogo).
-The Empire Vs. The Royal Highness (Krisatu).
-Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyatches Vs. TEAM (Dave (NNFG)).
-Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. Griswold's Nut-busters (Fizz).
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderfdlies (Joshatu).
-The Sisterhood of Traveling Midgets Vs. Layanderlet's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family (NuFaGtu).


Week 7
-350 Points
-Setting: Troy (Greece, not Michigan)
-Prize: Adardi AD 3 and 16 Resurrection Points.
-This Death Match, will result in TRIPLE DEATHS for any character that does not make it out of this match. So please choose your squad VERY carefully.

-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyatches (Fizz).
-The Sisterhood of Traveling Midgets Vs. Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse (NuFaGtu).
-The Empire Vs. Real Man's Rabble Rousers (Dave (NNFG)).
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. President Barack Obama and Miley Cyrus's Touring Battalion of Commandos (Becks).
-Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies (Krisatu).
-TEAM Vs. Griswold's Nut-busters (Joshatu).
-THE BATTLE OF THE CATS: Layanderlet's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Nickatu).
-The Royal Highness Vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions (Joshatu).


Week 8
-250 Points
-Setting: “Where the Wild Things Are”
-Prize: Grumman X-29 and 13 Resurrection Points.

-The Royal Highness Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Becks).
-Layanderlet's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family Vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions (Nickatu).
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. TEAM (Krisatu).
-Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors Vs. Griswold's Nut-busters (Pogo).
-Real Man's Rabble Rousers Vs. President Barack Obama and Miley Cyrus's Touring Battalion of Commandos (Joshatu).
-The Empire Vs. George Washington's Slaves (NuFaGtu).
-Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyatches Vs. Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse (Goof).
-The Sisterhood of Traveling Midgets Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips (Dave (NNFG)).


Week 9
-75 Points
-Setting: The Emperor's Throne Room on Death Star II
-Prize: Vought-Sikorsky VS-300 and 4 Graveyard Points.

-Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions (Joshatu).
-The Royal Highness Vs. Layanderlet's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family (Krisatu).
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. Griswold's Nut-busters (Becks).
-Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors Vs. TEAM (Dave (NNFG)).
-Real Man's Rabble Rousers Vs. George Washington's Slaves (NuFaGtu).
-The Empire Vs. President Barack Obama and Miley Cyrus's Touring Battalion of Commandos (Pogo).
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mosue Grindhouse (NuFaGtu).
-The Sisterhood of Traveling Midgets Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyatches (Fizz).

Unlucky 13 Finale: The Horsemen of Apokolips vs. The Royal Highness

  Greetings, fleshy spectators of Earth, it is I, GoBotron. The one known as “Daveatu” has awakened me from my eternal sleep mode to initiate a combat sequence culminating in the conference of a ship in my possession to the owner of the surviving combatants. I sense now that this conflict has raged on my surface for weeks. I have been free for so long from the annoyance of my previous inhabitants, I have become complacent. I will no longer allow the presence of petty beings to mar my physical form. I have ejected the weakest of your forces from my surface and reassembled The Revenge from the scrap left behind by the invaders who claimed the warring natives. I have transported your remaining pawns to my core chamber to settle their scores so I might return to my peace. They seem unsurprised by my teleportation process, as if accustomed to being pulled through time and space for such arrangements. For a moment they hesitate and observe their new surroundings. Firestorm points out The Revenge displayed on my central monitor, and the image alone acts as a fast catalyst. My work is done and my solitude will soon be secure. I will leave the remaining narration to your Watcher.

  Daveatu here. Boy, wasn't that a special guest introduction? No? Oh well I tried. Moving along... The two groups converge and begin efforts to disassemble one another. The light-imbued Transformers of the Horsemen are among the first to initiate as they attempt to neutralize the threat posed by The Ideon. The Phantom Stranger once again moves into position to control the mech as Springer pries at its armored panels with a giant construct crowbar. Neither Slag nor The Phantom have patience for this method, and The Ideon brings a beam sword through Springer as Slag unleashes a torrent of burning fluids from his mouth. The corrosive spew seeps between the loosened plates of The Ideon, and it falls under its own weight, with The Stranger transporting himself away from the wreck. “ROBOT SPACE GOD WEAK” the Dinobot snarls before thrashing about in a state of victory-rage. The distraction caused by the robots helps weed out the less focused warriors; Chriselion’s shield against the attacking Ce Ce Denowai falters, and his appendages are removed via lightsaber. Chameleon is caught off guard as well when Taskmaster’s whip seizes him by the neck lasso style, yanking him to Taskmaster’s rising knee with breakneck force. In turn, Taskmaster fails to notice Hush lining up a shot to his face, and all his photographic memories spill from the exit wound. Keeping the chain distraction flowing, Deathstroke leaps over Taskmaster’s still-falling body and quarters Hush before he can raise a gun to oppose him. Beneath his mask, a muffled sob is heard as he looks back longingly at Taskmaster’s meat-shell, his one chance at true love cut short by the mayhem.

  From across the room, Sunstreaker’s blaster provides Denowai with a new orifice. “Most powerful female Jedi, meet the most bad*ss gay Autobot. No, you know, make that the most badass Transformer PERIOD. I’m a boss. No, make that THE Boss.” gloats Sunstreaker. Micah Jiett and Jedi #41 engage White Suit Anakin but wind up locked in a classic “Both parties are so powerful, how long are they gonna do this” lightsaber duel. Linus Van Pelt finds himself hungry and makes an attempt on Fry Guy #3’s life, but Smaug has a bigger appetite to satisfy and snatches them both up as a value meal, showing no compassion for his own mascot. High Evolutionary amuses himself by manipulating Beast’s underdeveloped mutant form, advancing him to his furry blue stage in an instant. Firestorm steps in to show him how it’s done, and the two begin competing to matter-manipulate the most intriguing form possible with Beast’s material. Frustrated and unable to top High Evolutionary’s mastery of mutation, Firestorm turns Beast to solid silver. “I’m done, this game is stupid anyway. Enjoy your SECOND PLACE trophy.” Super Soldier charges Black Hand, subconsciously resenting the ring bestowed upon him. Before he can take revenge for the sake of The Revenge, White Lantern Sinestro engulfs him in white flame, flickering yellow and red as it eats away his necrotic flesh. “Don’t mention it. Really, just don’t.” the Lantern warns his unlikely ally. Nova and Exodus stare each other down warily as the Xandarian Worldmind contemplates the next move to make. Exodus attempts to control Nova’s mind but the shock from the Worldmind’s presence momentarily disables both parties. Invincible steps up and waves a hand in front of Nova’s face as The Phantom Stranger re-materializes beside them. “Don’t bother with them just yet,” he instructs, “they’ll snap back soon.” Invincible looks relieved. “I thought you b*tched out again when that insane dinosaur thing melted your toy. Got anything good left for us?” “Well…” The Stranger began, “There is one thing that might make the difference, but it would take all the remaining power I’ve been allotted for this round." "Dude, I don't even know what that means when YOU say it. We made it this far, just do it already." Invincible insisted. The Stranger stretched his arms above his head and cracked his neck in preparation. He called out to the Horsemen, "Hey guys, want an even better prize than that spaceship you're after?" All heads in the room turned to hear the offer. "I've got just the thing! Cosmic SuperAIDS!" The Phantom puffed out into a fine mist of blood before streaming into the many wounds and orifices of the opposition. Sunstreaker scoffed. “If I wasn’t immune to AIDS I would be very offended right now.” Despite their great power, this is no ordinary strain of AIDS. The Horsemen are visibly weakened and begin to sweat.. The exception is Slag, whose ring is charged by the infectious blood, an unplanned consequence of the otherwise effective sacrifice. Nova and Exodus snap out of their mind-lock when Exodus begins to feel ill. Nova turns to Smaug, now having trouble holding his food, and blows his head apart. Anakin, horrified by the blood stains that will never come out of his pristine armor, is finally taken down by Jiett and Jedi #41. Their victory is short lived as Exodus demonstrates his telekinetic power, lifting both off the ground at once. He puts them in a spherical forcefield and shakes them with tremendous force until the ball is a swirling mass of Jedi puree. 

The Horsemen heavily outnumber The Highness, but their remaining forces don’t back down. Invincible moves with incredible speed and begins to fire high-velocity spit at his immune-compromised foes. His expectoration is strong enough to break through the armor of Deathstroke and High Evolutionary, and they wither away to skin and bones in an instant. Sinestro is hit by one of the mucosal projectiles but the power of the White Light of Life boosts his immunity considerably and he only develops sniffles. As Exodus and Invincible go toe to toe, Sunstreaker and Nova try to stop the now-empowered Slag, who is roaring wildly and spewing infectious, corrosive AIDS-Blood and motor oil in all directions. Unfortunately, Sunstreaker is caught in the face by the filth and reduced to a molten puddle before Nova can spin Slag by the tail and slam him to pieces against a wall. “We’re not looking great, Invincible, now would be the time to live up to your name!” Nova pleads. A rush of adrenaline hits Invincible and he unleashes a speedy flurry of blows against Exodus. The forcefield he holds in front of him rings out sharply as Invincible’s fists strain against it. With a battle cry, Invincible lands a punch in its center, but it seems to have no effect. Exodus smirks. “It was a nice try, at lea-” he’s cut short as a cracking sound begins. The wall of force begins to shatter and his eyes widen. “Im-impossible!” he stammers. As the field shatters, concussive and electrical forces shoot out in every direction, and Exodus is crushed flat against the wall far behind him. “Wrong. It’s ‘Invincible’”. Without missing a beat, he turns to Firestorm and lifts his head in both hands, then cranes his neck towards Nova to speak. “Sorry, Rider, but it’s come down to this yet again. It’s the only way.” Firestorm, horrified, attempts to alter his physical makeup, but even Invincible’s atoms are reinforced too strongly to move. “What the hell are you?!” Jason screams. Mark Grayson looks him dead in the eye, his pupils constricted to incompassionate points of blackness. “I’m the winner.” He tears Firestorm down the middle, and a blinding flash of atomic energy overcomes GoBotron.

Royal Rumble Finale!!

As the Blob stands defiant and alone in the ring, #31, Dr. Evil begins waddling down the aisle. “It looks like I will have to clone another sole mate” Dr. Evil says to himself as he comes to the realization that his partner Mini Me has already been eliminated. Dr. Evil, as soon as he enters the ring starts awkwardly drop kicking The Blob, each one resulting in Dr. Evil himself falling to the ground. The maniacal brother of Austin Powers gets dizzier and dizzier each time he gets up, until The Blob picks him up like a rag doll and tosses him out of the ring just as #32 Watchdog #3 is climbing in. Watchdog #3 begins fiercely attacking The Blob; but his attacks work about as well on the mutant as they usually do against Capt. America. Watchdog #3 simply becomes the next person tossed out of the ring with ease by the even nastier Age of Apocalypse version of Fred Dukes. But as Watchdog #3 accomplishes nothing, the next guy coming down is about half a foot taller than the blob and twice as cut. Death Hammer, the Immellized clone of Death Adder and Sledgehammer, begins by taking his Ax-handled, magically powered .44 Magnum and fires three rounds into the chest of The Blob (if I didn’t know that it was impossible I would have sworn that I saw him flinch). With this taking place, and her arms getting tired, Dora see this as an opportunity to swing herself back in the ring and try and help out Death Hammer against a dude who she still sees as basically unbeatable. The Blob begins belly laughing hysterically when he sees that the delicious looking little Dora is still alive, when Triceraton #4 begins walking down the aisle as well. As the Triceraton is entering the ring, The Blob is still condescendingly criticizing Dora, like only a morbidly obese adult in a leotard can do. The Triceraton and Death Hammer can’t help but agree with The Blob when he says “What the hell kind of sh**&ty general manager sends a little kid into a royal rumble”?!!? But Dora’s demeanor shows the rest of the combatants that she means business, when she verbally takes control and forms a quick alliance against The Blob whom they all know they can’t take alone. Dora somersaults into the middle of Death Hammer and The Triceraton and says: “Hey Hammer head, you hit em high and dino-dude you hit him low…. NOW”!! The two of them rush in following the explorer’s orders while Dora races in ahead of both of them slides between The Blob’s legs and almost falls out of the ring again accept for grabbing on to the bottom rope. This is where her plan comes in. As soon as The Blob begins to fight back against the other two, he picks up his left foot, which Dora then pulls the ring ropes underneath to trip him up. As The Blob falls to the mat, he punches both Death Hammer and The Triceraton, knocking the former to the mat and the latter out of the ring. With all the excitement taking place, the combatants do not even realize that #35 Uncle Buck is now standing on the other side of the ring with a “What the Eff am I doing here” look on his face, while #36 C.M. Punk is climbing into the ring after a run down the aisle. Far from defeated yet, The Blob has managed to get back up on his feet, but his ankle is still caught in the rope, thanks to Dora. C.M. Punk takes note that The Blob is obviously the biggest threat in the ring and he begins to try and rally the rest of the guys behind him so after The Blob’s eliminated he can win this thing for himself; but after what Death Hammer was a part of and Uncle Buck witnessed, they were not anxious to follow anybody’s lead except for Dora’s. “COME ON!! YOU’RE ALL gonna follow some kid instead of me?!!? Look at her, she looks like she smoked a pack of cigarettes and drank a pint of dark rum before the match even started”. Dora shrugs her shoulders like she is soooo whateavs but it is Uncle Buck who takes offense to the comments. The former baby-sitter rushes at Punk who exclaims that: “IT’S CLOBBERIN TIME”, as he grabs Uncle Buck by the neck and knees him in the mid-section. He then goes to fling the heavyset Canadian out of the ring but he is inadvertently saved by N0-Ship Futar #2 who has just entered the ring. The hairy, muscular Tleilaxlu creation is only in the ring for about a second after the flailing body of Uncle Buck hits him and sends him right back over the top rope. Uncle Buck gets back to his feet while the whole ring full of people put some space between each other to measure each other up. The Blob still has his foot caught in the bottom rope; but is prepared for anything while Death Hammer and Punk move from one corner to the other. Dora is hanging back behind Uncle Buck who is regaining his composure and getting back on his feet, when wait………
What’s this? …………

The crowd begins to go silent, like the calm before the storm…. And then, they erupt……..

IT’S HOLLYWOOD HOGAN!!!! The Hulkster comes running down the aisle and the crowd goes nuts!! Hollywood instantly goes for The Blob but even against Hogan, The Blob doesn’t even flinch against his attacks. And he knocks the former champion to the ground with ease. #39 Abobo from Double Dragon has now entered the ring and it is getting pretty packed with some of the heavyweights trouncing around. It is a mess of a melee as the 7 wrasslers go at it. They are all somewhat focused on The Blob; but really, there is no rhyme or reason to the fighting, it is just taking place everywhere. The final combatant Roper, coincidentally also from Double Dragon has now entered the ring with his nun chucks in hand. Roper instantly hits CM Punk in the hands with a nun chuck cheap shot knocking his legion flight ring off and more so pissing off the former World Heavyweight Champion. Punk then clotheslines Roper over the top as quick as you can say “Zero Tolerance”. Punk then goes back to the last guy who ticked him off and grabs Uncle Buck by his collared shirt and begins giving him a nice pounding. Punk then picks up Buck as if to bodyslam him but then attempts to use him as a buffer weapon to knock out the Blob. It doesn’t work against the mutant; but Buck is lying on the ground attempting to shake it off when he realizes that Punk must have just been done with him once and for all. CM Punk is standing over Uncle Buck when he ignites his blue lightsaber and cocks it in a downward position as if to stab Buck in the chest, when Dora comes out of nowhere using Death Hammer’s knee as a leap board and knocks the lightsaber out of Punk’s hands and out of the ring. Punk attempts to punch her but she dodges the attack, backflips over the fallen Buck, looks at him and says: “Now we’re even”. She then disappears back into the crowd of larger opponents. This act was mostly in vain though as Abobo a short time later choke slammed Uncle Buck out of the ring a short time after he gained his composure. CM Punk begins wrasslin with the much larger Death Hammer, who is making snide 80’s style comic jokes in Old English, when the pro-wrestler is able to knock his magic .44 Magnum axe out of the ring. While the two of them are going at it, Dora sees it as opportunity to possibly use their momentum against them and eliminate CM Punk especially, but it doesn’t work out. Punk is quicker than she gave him credit for and he turns and grabs her out of mid-air. The jolt is so violent that it knocks her little woven cross necklace that so many young Mexican girls get on the first communion off of her and onto the mat before Punk throws her out of the ring for good. Punk then turns to Death Hammer and sends him out with a clothesline. Hogan then rushes over to CM Punk and offers him his hand in friendship. He is pointing over at The Blob as if to say that they need to work together to take him out but as they are shaking hands, The Blob launches Abobo at the duo and it sends Punk over the top rope. Punk is holding on but also cursing out Hogan, accusing him of treachery. Hogan is violently shaking his head no as if to tell him it was an accident; but Punk isn’t buying it. Hogan begins reaching over the top rope to give him his hand to bring him in and save him; but Punk won’t let go due to his distrust of Hollywood. CM Punk finally dramatically lets go with one hand and begins reaching for Hogan when The Blob breaks free from the bottom rope and rushes over to clothesline Hogan, causing him to slip and lose his grip on CM Punk’s hand, sending Punk into the lava. Hogan then dodges the attacks of The Blob and back tracks into the corner with Abobo whom he shakes hands with as if to make a final pact against The Blob, as it is now only the three of them who remain in the ring. Hogan and Abobo rush The Blob together but Hogan is knocked to the ground; while Abobo is picked up over the head of The Blob as the mutant shows off his true strength. Abobo is thrown from the ring….

And then there were two.

Hogan rushes at The Blob and is quickly knocked to the ground. He gets back up three more times but it is always the same result. Hollywood can barely stand back up after the abuse he has taken, and The Blob isn’t even budging. The Blob knocks Hollywood to the ground once more, but his time Hogan’s hand lands on a tiny foreign object. He sees the little handmade cross necklace of Dora and begins to remember that it wasn’t always like this….

He wasn’t always a bad guy…….

He used to believe in a power higher than himself…..

Higher than the glitz and glamour of Hollywood…..

The training….. The prayers….. The vitamins…. All The Hulkamaniacs around the world….

The Hulkster clutches the cross and then looks to the crowd for approval. The crowd starts to get up on their feet, when Hogan rips his black shirt off of his glistening muscular body, and pulls his bandana off as well. Hogan walks over to The Blob and gets punched, but this time he doesn’t fall…. The Blob punches him again, and then a third time; but now it is The Hulkster that is not budging. Hogan picks up his right hand and starts waving his finger “No” at The Blob who is flabbergasted at Hogan’s strength.

…Now it is Hogan’s turn….

Hulk hits the Blob in the face, and for the first time The Blob flinches, he hits a second time, a third, a fourth…. And The Blob is noticeably weakened. The Blob strikes back, but Hogan blocks it with his forearm and then hits him back again. Hogan goes in to throw The Blob over the ropes but he can’t quite lift The Blob, who knocks Hogan to the ground. But Hogan pops back up and resumes hitting The Blob. Blob is stunned as Hogan backs off a bit to regain his strength and composure and to raise his hands in the air as if to get power from the crowd who gives it back to him in full force as they erupt in screams of praise and applause. Hogan goes in for the kill again and puts himself in position to attempt a bodyslam. Hogan grabs The Blob and lifts him up to the top rope, and……..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKJDAVvs_JA&feature=player_detailpage

Unlucky 13: Round 3- Kitties vs. Horsemen

The Super Orange Kitties and Cats are: Ant-Man(Scott Lang), Warpath, M.O.D.O.T., Robotman, Bedovian, Ravager, Heavy, Stass Allie, Wheeljack, Decepticon #5, Cowardly Lion, Finn McCool, Aunt May.

The Horsemen of Apokolips are" Taskmaster w/Indy's Whip, Deathstroke w/Luke's lightsaber, Exodus, High Evolutionary, Firestorm(Jason Rousch), White Lantern Sinestro, White Suit Anakin, Ce Ce Denowai, Green Lantern Springer, Red Lantern Slag, Black Hand, Smaug the Dragon, and Fry Guy #3.

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To:Josh From:NuFaGtu Sub:U13-R3
Just running this match by you. I call it "NuFaGtu's Checklist." Enjoy!

Witty Banter! More Taskmaster and Deathstroke hilarity!

Sniper Attack! Bedovian attacks from space, Exodus and Fry Guy #3 get their heads popped!

Lantern War! White Lantern Sinestro wastes Bedovian... IN SPAAAAACE!!!

Hot Robot Action! GL Springer and RL Slag vs. Wheeljack, Decepticon #5 and Robotman! GL Springer is the last man standing!

Minority Equality! Warpath stabs up Ce Ce Denowai!

Jedi Power Battle! White Suit Anakin slays Stass Allie!

Probable Sexual Delinquancy: High Evolutionary and Cowardly Lion leave, and neither are heard from again!

Obligatory Explosion! Firestorm and M.O.D.O.T. go KA-BOOOOOOSH!!!!

Smaug the Food Critic! Ant-Man:Potion size lacking. Finn McCool:Alcohol infused, delicious. Aunt May:Stale, undercooked. Heavy:Exquisite spice, would have again.

Racist Conspiracy? White Lantern Sinestro and White Suit Anakin team up to exterminate Warpath!

Maury Povich Style Drama! Deathstroke hesitates to take out his daughter Ravager. Taskmaster takes the killshot, add witty one-liner here. (You are not the father!)

There you have it, what do you think? -NuFaGtu.
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To:NuFaGtu Sub:RE:U13-R3

Good outline, I'm sure it will be entertaining when it's fleshed out a bit!

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To:Josh Sub:RE:U13-R3

Fleshed out? That's the match bro!

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To:NuFaGtu Sub:RE:U13-R3

Good Lord no!!! Do not, under ANY circumstances, post that dumpster fire!!!

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To:Josh Sub:REU13-R3

That's harsh! Aaaaaaand.... Too late. Posted.

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To:NuFaGtu Sub:RE:U13-R3

You're fired.

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To:Josh Sub:RE:U13-R3

LOL! See you at the draft!

FFL Royal Rumble Round 3!

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty First person to enter the ring will be Mini Me

Peter: Oh thank god, saved by the bell.

Al Qaeda Terrorist #8: God, don’t you mean ALA!!! YOU MUST PRAISE HIM INFIDEL!!!

Out of nowhere, Peter’s face is covered in a mist of blood.

Peter: (Coughs) Oh wow, that was unexpected. And really violent.

Clone Trooper #51: What can I say, it is literally in my DNA to hate a dissenter.

Dexter Jettster: That’s right, you are one of those cloners.

Clone Trooper #51: Well technically I am one of the clones, not one of the cloners. I never actually helped with the cloning itself.

DJ: Well that is what I meant. Jeez, you don’t have to take me so literally when I talk.

CT #51: When you talk? You mean opposed to when you write.

DJ: You know what I mean, again you do not have to take me so…

Peter: And people accuse me of talking about nothing. This is so boring it reminds me of the time Jimmy Carter tried to free the slaves.

DJ: What? That doesn’t even make sense. The slaves were already free by the time Carter was born.

Peter: Well I know that.

CT #51: Then why did you say it if you already knew that?

Peter: Because if I didn’t then my character would literally serve no purpose whatsoever.

CT #51 & DJ: Your character serves a purpose?!?

Mini Me: Wow and I thought my movies were stupid.

DJ: Well hello there little guy, can I help you with something?

Mini Me: (Totally ignoring the four armed fat bastard) So, is anybody going to get rid of this smelly Arab dude with a blaster hole in his head?

DJ: Well isn't that cute. The little guy is trying to say something. So Cloner, are you going to do something about this body or just continue to stare at him?

CT #51: Yeah, I like to stare at my victims for a while after I finish them off. It does something to me down below that nothing else can quite come close to.

Peter: Did you just admit to getting off to dead bodies?

CT #51: It doesn’t get me off, it just gets me close. Kind of like my own personal four play.

DJ: That is sort of messed up my cloning friend.

CT #51: I am not a cloner you severely overweight slob.

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty Second person to enter the ring is Force Adept #4

DJ: I am beginning to get sick of your inbred cloner attitude.

Mini Me: So we are just going to let this dead Arab rot in the corner instead of dumping his body into the lava? That is something we are just going to do and be okay with?

CT #51: Call me a cloner one more time and I will prove that this blaster rifle is even strong enough to make it through your twelve ton flesh pouch that you call a stomach.

DJ: I dare you to try such a barbaric act. Though again, I would expect nothing less from one of you cloners.

Clone Trooper #51 shoots his blaster at Dexter Jettster but before the blast is able to reach the diner owner, Peter Griffin jumps in front of the blast and takes the fatal hit to the gut.

CT #51: Why would you do that? I didn’t want you dead. Well, you know what I mean.

DJ: Thank you Peter but I do not understand your reasoning for such a heroic move.

Peter: All of your chatter about my life not having a purpose really gave me something to think about. You guys were right, I have lived a completely useless life and if I was going to go out, I wanted it to be worth something. I wanted to at the very least give my life some sort of meaning. Now I have given you your life Dex. Earn this. Earn this.

CT #51: Is it just me or was this just a long form way of Peter saying this is reminding him of the time Tom Hanks died in World War II to make sure Matt Damon could go on to make the Bourne movies?

Mini Me: So this is really what we are doing. Dead Arab is just rotting in the corner. This is great you guys, just great.

Force Adept #4: So what’s going on guys? Why isn’t anybody throwing these dead bodies over the top rope? Isn’t this how the Royal Rumble works?

DJ: We are not allowed to touch the bodies until the cloner over there finishes in his armor.

CT #51 tries to respond but is too aroused to make anything other than a low moaning sound that only Mini Me can hear.

Force Adept #4: So I guess I will take that as a no?

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty Third person to enter the ring is Human Bomb

DJ: You done yet?

Force Adept #4: Is he really getting himself off right now?

DJ: It sure seems to be that way.

FA #4: Not that I am judging. I’m pretty impressed actually.

Mini Me: Two dead bodies now, wonderful.

FA #4: Seriously, I am jealous. You think you could teach me? I have a buddy who can do it without touching and everything. Something about watching the skin move…

DJ: You have the ability to use the force and you use it for such immoral reasons.

FA #4: No I want to use it for such immoral reasons. Like I said, my buddy can do that not me.

CT #51: Like I said to my fat friend over there, I don’t get off on it, I only get close.

FA #4: Get close. What’s the point of edging yourself to death if you have the ability to service yourself to completion? That’s like, well I can’t think of anything else that compares to it without just telling another jack off story.

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty Forth person to enter the ring is Blue Ringed John Cena

Human Bomb: What the hell. I haven’t even made it to the ring yet.

The hope filled John Cena decides to not just to enter the ring, but enter the ring with flare. All the remaining combatants look to the roof of the arena and see the star of the WWE coming down from the rafters. A bright blue glow from his lantern ring helps slowly lower him to the wrestling ring so he can fight. Out of nowhere though a loud chant of “Cena Sucks. Cena Sucks. Cena Sucks” comes from the crowd and in a flash, the blue ring stops working and sends the WWE Superstar crashing towards the ring. His body lands smack dab in the middle of the ring, dead on impact.

Mini Me: Another F@#$ing Body! Will somebody please do something about this please!

DJ: Well that is just a shame. He was such a fine young man. A death like that always makes me put my own life in perspective.

CT #51: So does that mean you will only eat five plates of chili cheese fries today. I mean seriously, what’s higher, the national debt or your cholesterol?

FA #4: Ha Ha HA, good one man. Now come on, teach me to do the jack off trick.

CT #51: It’s not a trick and I’m not jacking off. I just get pleasure out of murdering people. I know it is f#%$ed up but it’s just the way it is.

Human Bomb: Does anybody care if I dump some of these bodies over the edge?

Mini Me: Thank you. It’s about damn time. You know what, I need to shake your hand. Get over here you son of a bitch and take that damn glove off and let me actually shake your hand.

Before Roy can even stop the little guy he rips his glove off and proceeds to shake his hand. The hand shake naturally causes the Austin Powers character to explode on contact which coats the remaining characters in very small bloody pieces.

Human Bomb: Poor little guy, I feel kind of bad about that. He just seemed so excited that I didn't even realize what he was doing until it was too late.

FA #4: You can’t touch anything without making it blow up? How on Alderaan do you live with yourself?

Human Bomb: I don’t quite understand where you are going with this.

DJ: (With a resigned look on his face) What the sad man over there is referring to is how on Coruscant you can live without being able to pleasure yourself with your bare hand.

Human Bomb: That is what the gloves are for. Twenty seconds with that thing on and I can make this thing explode as many times as I want without any negative consequences.

Dexter Jettster just backs up into the corner of the ring and shakes his head out of shame for everyone else in the ring.

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty Fifth person to enter the ring is Age of Apocalypse Blob

CT #51: Hey check it out Dex, there actually is somebody out there who is fatter then you.

FA #4: Check this Trooper, I am going to force choke this dude before he even enters the ring.

The Force Adept attempts to use the force but nothing happens.

CT #51: Don’t even bother with that voodoo garbage, nothing like a trusty blaster to make everything right.

The Clone Trooper shoots about a hundred shots at the Blob to no avail.

The Blob then enters the ring and proceeds to beat every single person to death. Then one by one he dumped all the dead bodies into the pit via the top rope.

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty Sixth person to enter the ring is Watchdog #4

The Watchdog ran down the ring as fast as his Nazi heart could take him. He then jumped into the ring and proceeded to die in half the time. The Blob then dumped his body over the top rope as well.

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty Seventh person to enter the ring is Dora the Explorer

Instead of running towards the ring, Dora just hangs back and waits for the next person to be announced.

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty Eighth person to enter the ring is Bill Lambier

Dora: Hey Bill, just chill out here with me unless you are loco.

Bill: I don’t take commands from a little girl.

Dora: It’s your funeral amigo.

Bill: Oh wait, is that the Blob? That boxer guy from the Wolverine movie?

Dora: Uh yeah, something like that.

Bill: Screw that then, if Wolverine can’t beat him then I don’t have a chance.

Dora: Yeah, that’s why you can’t beat him.

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty Ninth person to enter the ring is Warg #4

The Warg races to the ring and quickly has its neck broken by the behemoth.

Ring Ring Ring…The Thirtieth person to enter the ring is Lightning

Bill: Yo Jen, get your hot ass over here and give us a hand.

Lightning: Screw you Bill, you misogynistic pig.

Dora: Sorry about that Jen but the only way we can defeat this guy is if all of us team up on him.

Lightning looks over at Dora and then hesitantly back at Bill.

Lightning: Okay fine. Let me go first though. I will send a blast at him first so you guys can get into the ring.

Dora: Okay that sounds good. Now BLAST him!

Lightning sends multiple shocks of electricity towards the X-Men villain that seems to stop him in his tracks long enough for the two remaining ring side characters to enter the ring.

Bill: Great job Jen, it seems to be working.

The Blob: Does it now?

The Blob then sends his gravitational field outwards towards the three remaining combatants and knocks them towards the pit of lava that is awaiting them. Dora is the first to get thrown over the top but the NBA All Star and the DC Comic book character are able to hold on. Lightning then extends her hand to Lambier for support, thinking this may help their cause.

Bill: Holding hands already? This is even easier than I thought it would be.

Lightning: Oh screw you pervert. You know what, why let the Blob have all the glory.

Jennifer Pierce sends a blast of electricity through the body of the former world champion, which knocks him over the top rope.

Bill: I always knew you were a bitttttcchhhhhhhh!!!!!!

As Lambier lands into the lava, a small smirk appears on his face as he sinks to the bottom of the pit.

Lightning then gives it one more go as she once more sends a blast towards the immovable object. The move does not pay off though as she is eventually sent over the top rope herself. The Blob screams in victory as he knows nobody else coming in can come close to taking him out.

As the Pay Per View cameras pan out, they show a ring that includes nothing but the massive fat man all by himself. Though to those few viewers out there with a keen enough eye, there is a small flapping of a tattered cape on the bottom edge of the outside of the ring. The flapping is outside the view of Frederick Dukes, but the clever little Explorer that is Dora, is still somehow hanging on for dear life.

Layanderlet's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family Vs. The Royal Highness

Laya’s Squad is Ant Man, Armor, Nocturne, (Kingdom Come) Hawkman, (Kingdom Come) Alan Scott, Monarch, Warmaster Tsavong Lah, Feral, Nightbird, Decepticon #4, The Lorax, Bendonner, and Reepicheep'

The Royal Highness is Nova, (original) Beast, Phantom Stranger, Chriselion, Hush, Chameleon, Micah Jiett, Jedi Master #41, Sunstreaker, The Ideon, Black Lantern Super Soldier, Invincible, Linus Van Pelt.


Hey, Joshatu here. Here’s the deal, I just got back from The Virgin Islands and I don’t feel like doing anything if it doesn’t involve a beach or an enormous cigar; so I’m going to break down this match into a one on one battle between the teams until both of these exceptional squads are done and move on to the finals. But the problem I found was that I couldn’t find anybody that wanted to write the whole thing, so I just went into the multiverse and randomly grabbed the first people I saw to watch each part of the match until I had enough to complete it…. Enjoy……….

How ya doing, this is John Ritter. I just walked on to the set of Three’s Company and boy did I ever fall into a fresh set of antics this time (**LAUGH TRACK**). But this catastrophe wasn’t as bad as the one that Ant Man faced, when he was totally obliterated by Nova.
Hi all, this is Duff McKagen from Guns N’ Roses. I’m wasted but I totally just saw Beast beat the crap out of the force field chick armor. She looked way more powerful and stuff; but he was smarter or .something and must of known how to exploit her powers…….. Weird…… Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go buy some stocks.
Hello Kemosabe, this Tanto, friend to Lone Ranger and friend to Fantasy Fantasy. Nocturne has done much teleporting. The teleporting was fast. But Phantom Stranger was powerful as the Ghost dance and he won battle for the land and spirits.
Sufferin Succotash!! Thisss is Sylvester. I’m a cat. And that huge Hawkman, looks DELISHUSS!! But I don’t think I’m gonna messssss with em after the way he just waxed that disco ball green lantern Chrisssssselion.
Hi, I’m Prince Adam. Don’t tell anybody I’m He-Man. Unless you’re going to tell Hush, because he just got wasted by Green lantern magic. The End. And remember, don’t tell anybody I’m He-Man.
President Calvin Coolidge (man of few words). Said: Monarch beat Chameleon.
Hi suckas, this is Bryan Beckerman. I’m here to watch the pitched battle between Micah Jiett and Warmaster Tsavong Lah. I was chosen to do this match because I’m the only guy left in the Multiverse that remembers who these two dudes actually are (and cause I’ve got the world’s biggest SCHLONG!!: BEEYATCH!!)! Naturally, The Warmaster wins the fight after Master Jiett’s very powerful force powers are removed due to his natural Yuuzhong Vhonn abilities…. Duh.
Hey, this is Justin Bieber. It’s okay, I know you love me. Feral killed Jedi Master #41. Nah dawg, it wasn’t with claws it was with a lightsaber yo. SO!! You’re mom went to jail.

Hello fellow Cybertronians, this is the bearer of the matrix Alpha Trion. Nightbird, who would someday defeat my predecessor Optimus Prime, has easily dispatched the Autobot Sunstreaker. Now follow your souls friends.
“Dirty Diapers”!! This is Fantastic Max!! Well along came Ideon and the fun time started and Decepticon #4 is dead again. And you readers owe it all to my 4 ply diaper and this safety pin. FANTASTIC MAX!!!!s
Confucious say: The Lorax is wise; but he can’t beat Black Lantern Super Soldier.i
AYE!! I am William Wallace. An I jus witnessed Invincible fly right up the arse of Bendonner and kill the giant with his bear head. It was bloody hilarious!!
I’m Charlie Brown. I’m sad. My friend Linus is dead. Reepicheep was very fast and he killed my friend Linus. It made me sad.
Round 2
PEEKA!! Peeka. Peeeeeeca. Peeka. (*translation*). Hi, I’m Pikachu. I’m a Pokemon. It took a while for Invincible to catch Reepicheep, but when he did, he killed him.
Hey ya sissies!! Dis is Andrew Dice Clay ya folla. Ring around the Rosey, a black lantern shield on your toesies. Ashes, ashes da dumb ninja chick falls down. OHH!! Super Soldier beats Nightbird, ya folla.
This is Poop Man, I’m not a real person, or even a real character. But Josh wishes I was. But let me tell ya, even as a fake character that is 100% made of poop, I could tell you that The Ideon killed Feral, and then Feral pooped himself and I thought it was awesome (so did Josh).
Hello my children, this is Jesus. I wish that no killing would take place. Though shalt treat your neighbor as you would like to be treated. The Phantom Stranger did not obey this golden rule when he killed The Warmaster Tsavong Lah. But I forgive him, and I still love them both.
Good day, I am Peppin the Short. I’m a very interesting person in history, and if you do not know who I am you should use Wikipedia to find out. One thing you will not find in your research is that I just saw Monarch kill (original) Beast. They would both have fit in my army well.
Hello, for the sake of pluralism and political correctness I am Eleanor of Aquitaine. I am interesting as well (probably more interesting). Look me up too!! By the way Alan Scott’s crusade was successful against Nova.
Hi, this is Josh Houslander. I’m awesome. That punk Hawkman just got wasted by The Phantom Stranger cuz he sucks. TOLD YA RYAN!!
THIS IS ROSEY O’DONELL!! Alan Scott wins the fight over The Ideon, because Alan Scott is gay and gay is the way!! Plus, I’ve never heard of The Ideon, I mean who has??
Hey, this is Becks again, I’m breaking the rules and going twice. Black Lantern Super Soldier and Monarch kill each other, because they are both so powerful. HA!! This battle was soooooo pitched that it was a tie!! And you said no ties Josh. HA!! You suck Houslander!! Eff You!!
This is Vladimir Putin. I will decide match. Alan Scott is very strong, even though he is gay. If he live in Russia he would not be. America has failed him, not magic ring that work great. But he not strong enough to fight both Phantom Stranger and Invincible. They are strangely phantom like and Invincible once they form team. They won this match. Thanks to me for watching it and for Russia for being strong. Ukraine is weak. U.S. is weak. Russia strong. This match is over. Thank you for reading it. Yes it was stupid. Russis is not stupid. But at least match was better than the Olympics. And safer too.

Unlucky 13: The Traveling Sisterhood of Midgets vs. The Royal Highness

The Traveling Sisterhood of Midgets (Squad #2) are Glom, Longshot, Toad, B/G Lantern Hal Jordan, Star Sapphire #5, Eclipso, Jeer Dexton, Jedi Master #33A, Sharkticon #37, Vampire #100, Stratos, and Mokey.

The Royal Highness is Nova (with Xandarian Worldmind), (Original) Beast, The Phantom Stranger, Chriselion, Hush, Chameleon, Micah Jiett, Jedi Master #41, Sunstreaker, The Ideon, Black Lantern Super Soldier, Invincible, and Linus Van Pelt.


    The Midgets were climbing toward GoBotron’s core up a cliff in the massive crater left by the fateful asteroid impact that forced GoBots upon the universe. From afar, Nova and The Phantom Stranger observed their progress, their teammates awaiting instruction behind them. “We barely made it out last time, and some of these guys are pretty powerful.” Nova warned The Stranger. “Anything a little more useful you can do this time?” The Stranger nodded. “I suppose I could keep some of their hands free, at least.” Like shadows, two identical copies emerged from Phantom’s sides. They teleported to the tanks comprising The Ideon, and the three formed the mecha in preparation. Nova waved on his team and they descended upon their enemies. Eclipso was the first to notice their approach, sensing the familiar power of The Stranger, and his team rushed to take a defensive stance. Invincible and Black Lantern Super Soldier were the first to arrive, tackling Toad and Stratos respectively and beating them down with full force. Nova followed soon after and opened fire against B/G Hal Jordan, but Glom leapt hungrily into the line of fire, consuming the energy of the Nova Force. As Glom protected him, Jordan fired a barrage of blue and green missiles at the Black Lantern, vaporizing his ring and returning him to death, unfortunately too late for Stratos. The Phantom Stranger(s) showed up piloting The Ideon and began charging the black hole cannon. Eclipso attempted to stop The Stranger, but Chameleon and Micah Jiett teamed up to beat him back against the hull of the machine. As the cannon finished charging, Longshot’s eye began to glow, and Phantom Stranger took notice. “Unlikely, but fair. Hope this doesn’t hurt too much.” The cannon malfunctioned and the black hole became lodged in The Ideon, drawing itself, Phantom Stranger, Chameleon, Eclipso, and Micah Jiett in before collapsing.

    Chriselion fought Star Sapphire #5 while Sunstriker struggled to shoot Jeer Dexton. Satisfied with the puree he had beaten Toad into, Invincible stopped Glom from protecting Jordan with a running punch that blew a second hole in the back of Glom’s gaping mouth. Jordan sprung a shield up between himself and Nova’s attacks, but he was blind to Jedi Master #41’s lightsaber until it emerged from his eye through his skull. Jedi Master #33A stepped in against Hal’s killer while Nova turned his attention to Jeer Dexton who was busy dismantling Sunstreaker. Powerful as the Dark Jedi was among his peers, he was caught off guard as Nova took him in both hands, spun him, and chucked him beyond the planet’s orbit. Linus had found Mokey and anticipated another unsuspecting victim. But Mokey was on edge with paranoia from a combination of fright and excessive LSD consumption in her heyday, and as Van Pelt approached from behind she spun around to stab him manically in the shins before running off. As he bled out, he used his dying breath to vow revenge against all Jim Henson abominations. With the greater threats out of the picture, Beast moved in to restrain Star Sapphire #5 as Chriselion split her with a light axe. Hush did the same to assist his team’s Jedi Master against The Midgets’ Jedi Master. Longshot tried desperately for a stroke of luck, but Invincible poked out his glowing eye with a force that made his head explode before any such luck would come. Sharkticon #37, Mokey, and Vampire #100 shared an indignant look as their remaining foes closed in around them…

FFL Royal Rumble Part 2!

Zack Ryder grabbed A.C. Slater by his limp wrist and flipped him out of the ring as easily as a used Kleenex. “Come on, broskis, was that so hard? Dude was a vegetable.” As Slater talked trash to nobody in particular, he failed to look behind him where The Ranger had entered the ring. Cordell Walker set his eyes upon Ryder and a roundhouse kick upon the back of his head. “Ow! You’re gonna f*ck up Ice Z’s spikes bro!” Ryder shouted. He attempted to grapple Walker, but years of Texas bar fight experience allowed him to evade Zack’s grasp. The two continued this way for some time, but soon, Ryder noticed a tell in the ranger’s facial hair. Before a dodge, his mustache would stand on end; His famous Ranger Sense was tingling, and Zack knew how to stop it. From God-Knows-Where, he produced a bottle of styling gel and applied it liberally to Walker’s upper lip. He fell to the floor, his motor control atrophied after so much time being possessed by his beard. “I’m free,” Walker wheezed, “but I’m a shell of a man now. Please, end my suffering before the hair takes control again!” Before Walker could damage his dignity any further, Zack lifted him above his head and threw him to the lava waiting below. “I’m glad that’s over, Cowbros give me weird feelings! Who’s next?!” Darko Millicec was tossed into the ring and out of his element. Rather than face his foe head on, Darko chose to use his superior agility to run around Ryder like a marine around a cyberdemon, delivering punches when openings appeared. Being somewhat smarter than the potato-powered AI of Doom, however, Ryder thought to stop and extend a neck-level arm in Millicec’s path, causing him to clothesline himself. As he hit the ground, Korvus entered the ring. “I’ll make this quick, humans.” He assured the athletes. “Like you did with your hair this morning?” Ryder quipped. “Seriously sloppy br-.” Korvus bashed Ryder over the head with the flat of the Phoenix Blade, cracking his head. Using the sword like a spatula, he lifted the scrambled wrestler and disposed of him over the edge of the arena before turning to Darko. He had scurried to the corner in terror when Korvus arrived, and though he was able to outrun Zack Ryder, he was no match for the speed of a Shi’ar. Korvus ran to him and hoisted him over the ropes. Darko said something in Serbian before being dropped, and though I have no idea what it meant, it sounded like badass last words.

    Things finally got interesting when Death Adder Jr. arrived, and Korvus gladly accepted the powerful challenger. The two fought fiercely, sparks flying from their weapons with every parry. Death Adder Jr. fired lightning at Korvus, stunning him briefly. Jr. raised his axe high for a swing, but Korvus recovered and slashed his opponent’s wrist before rolling aside. The immense power of the Blade of the Phoenix proved too much for D.A.J., and his left hand was hanging loosely from his bleeding forearm. Disabled but not defeated, he grasped his axe in one hand and began blocking against Korvus’s continued assault until Dexter Jettster entered the fray to lend him a hand or four. The restaurateur ran behind Korvus and used two of those hands to grab him by the head while the other two fists pummeled his kidneys. Death Adder Jr. used the opportunity and rammed Korvus with the shoulder of his damaged arm, knocking him over Jettster behind him. Marlon Brando hopped in and approached Death Adder Jr. with raised fists. “Come on, then, show me what you’ve got. Put down that axe and fight like a man.” Death Adder Jr. complied and tossed his weapon to the floor. He let Brando take a few shots for free before clutching his wrist-stump in his right hand to bring down a double axe handle on the actor’s head. Behind him, Korvus stood as Jettster went for Death Adder Jr.’s axe. As he lifted the heavy weapon in all four hands, Korvus grabbed him for a hip toss into Jr.’s back. Furious, he resumed their battle with a rapid series of lightning bursts that keep his foe still as he approached. With his good hand, he delivered an uppercut that knocked Korvus over the ropes and into the pit. He turned back in time to see Jettster spin Brando above his head like a pizza and into his patented lava-oven as a pink portal opened in the corner beside him. Blink stepped out and took a quick look at the situation before bamf- I mean… blinking away again. Jr. ignored what he saw in favor of taking his axe back from Dexter. As he charged, a portal opened in front of him and an arm reached out to grab his. On the other end he found himself dangling above the lava pit, held by Blink who was now perched on the ropes. Prepared to die, Death Adder Jr. electrocuted Blink, causing her to lose her balance and go down with him.

    Surprisingly not dead, Dexter Jettster held his trophy axe close as Clone Trooper #51 arrived. Unarmed, he made his first priority to disarm his enemy and even the playing field. Jettster finally had the chance to use the weapon, but his poor combat experience left him clumsy and slow, and #51 grabbed the axe by the hilt and yanked it from Dexter’s hands, flinging it out of play. He attempted to sweep kick the Besalisk, but his low center of gravity proved effective and he kicked the trooper back hard. The Trooper was undoubtedly more skilled, but Jettster’s four-armed brawn allowed him to hold his own. Eventually, however, #51 broke Dexter’s guard and took him in a headlock. As they struggled against each other, Peter Griffin arrived. “Whoa, sweet! Am I in Star Wars? I wanna be Han Solo! Or Samuel L. Jackson!” The two stopped momentarily, confused by the comment. “This is the Royal Rumble. We’re fighting to toss each other into lava without the benefit of becoming Darth Vader once we’re charred.” #51 explained. “Holy crap, you mean we’re gonna burn each other alive?!” Peter shouted. “This is scarier than that time I got terrorized by Al Qaeda at a wrestling match!” Summoned by Peter’s control over cutaway gags, Al Qaeda Terrorist #8 appeared at the center of the ring. “ALLAHU AKBAR!” he screamed. “Ohhh, is Admiral Ackbar here too? Is this the trap?” Peter asked. “YOU WILL GIVE US VICTORY OR WE WILL GIVE YOU DEATH!” The Terrorist demanded. Peter knew he needed to buy some time before the situation escalated out of control. “Jeez, this is a lot of pressure… like, uh... Oh, I got it! Kind of like the time a terrorist threat got dumped on another Watcher!”