Consolation Match: Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs The Transfoamers

Crap. I forgot to post this consolation match. Sorry. Here it is...

The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are Bill Kelley w/Blue Lightsaber, Air Zimmell and Smurf #2.

The Transfoamers are Oroko Nagi.

Bill Kelley and his two companions arrive at Nick's house on Terri in Westland. Air Zimmell wastes no time and flies right in, bursting through the front door. There he is met by the older brother of the Shredder, Oroko Nagi. Air Zimmell is crescent kicked to the ground and then has his head smashed in by Oroko dropping a TV on him. Bill then rushes in with Smurf #2. He ignites his lightsaber and slays Oroko Nagi. "Wow, well that was easy," says Bill. "Yeah, it's almost as if we were being rushed through this match," replies Smurf #2. "Eh, whatever," says Bill as he lights a cigarette with the tip of his lightsaber.

THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL MIDGETS ARE VICTORIOUS!!

Winners Consolation Round

Points: 35
Prize: A Witch's Broomstick
Setting: Nick's House

The Abomitrons Vs. Built Ford Tough

The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. The Syracuse Valley

Consolation Round 3

Points: 12
Prize: Frem Kit
Setting: On top of a moving Semi-Truck

-Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy
-Alice's Wonder Team Vs. Logical Genocide
-Oblivio Vs. Bruce's Bodacious Bullies
-PMS Vs. The Transfoamers
-Hayley's Comets Vs. Le Napoleon Brigade
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad
-The Right Wing Vs. George Washigton's Slaves
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Untouchables

Division Finals

Points: 900
Setting: The Play-Off Planet
Prize: Magic Lamp & Alien Ship from ID4

-TEAM Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches

-Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & (Ass-Kicking) President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Better Than All of You.

George Washington's Slaves vs Former Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barrack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos

George Washington's Slaves are Optimus Prime, Yoda w/Green Lantern Ring, Martain Manhunter, Amazo, Darth Plageuis, Hound, Loki, King Kong, Sandworm #15, Zombie Ki Adi Mundi, Shaak Ti, Super-Soldier, Ultraman, Doppleganger, B'dg, Corbin Dallas, and Santa Claus w/Rudolph, Comet, Cupid, Donder, Blitzen, Vixen, Dasher, & Dancer.

The Commandos are Dave Bowman: The Starchild w/Green Lantern Ring, Numinus w/Blue Lantern Ring, Movie Jetfire w/Indigo Ring, Fatality, Parallax, Agamemnon w/Red Lantern Ring, Juno, Optimus Prime (Orion Pax), Black Adam, Mary Marvel, Bizarro, Ms. Marvel, Zombie Darkseid, Zombie Cloverfield, Albus Dumbledore, Captain Steven Hiller in a MiG, and David Hasselhoff & Zombie Al Dogg in the Silver Age Batmobile.

Before George Washington’s Slaves exit the locker room, Yoda turns to them and says, “Beat the Commandos we must. Depends the Season, it does.” And with those words the Slaves shoot out of their locker room and on to face their hardest challenge yet.

Neither team hesitates for a moment once they are teleported to the Playoff Planet. They find themselves mostly deep inside the city area. But out far away in the desert, there is a battle that is causing the entire planet to quake. Sandworm #15 is being attacked by Zombie Cloverfield. The zombified parasites are falling off of Zombie Cloverfield and beginning to gnaw away at the Sandworm’s hide. Zombie Cloverfield mounts his own offensive against the giant Sandworm, but it’s not enough, and finds itself devoured by Sandworm #15. But just then the duo of Black Adam and Mary Marvel fly right into the mouth of the Sandworm and simultaneously blast out of the side of it, killing the massive creature.

They then fly back into the city where Red Lantern Agamemnon and Juno are leveling any buildings in their path. Juno takes aim and blows apart Zombie Ki Adi Mundi as Agamemnon blast a building that happened to have King Kong climbing on it. The giant gorilla leaps onto Juno and begins to smash and rip through her hull. Agamemnon blast Kong with some red energy, but King Kong is determined to end the life of Juno. He savagely slams his fists down onto Juno, finally breaking through to where her brain is stored. Kong punches through and destroys the brain and kills Juno once and for all. Agamemnon, overcome with rage at this point, unleashes a blinding blast of red energy that literally incinerates King Kong, finally sending him to the graveyard. But unbeknownst to Agamemnon, Yoda quickly scurries up the robotic body of the Titan and finds his stored brain. Yoda uses his Green Lantern ring to remove the protective shell and he then slices the brain in half with his lightsaber. Agamemnon’s Red Lantern ring the flies back to the Commando’s locker room where it will wait for its new recipient.

The Commando’s Optimus Prime then leads the team of Indigo Lantern Movie Jetfire, Bizarro, Albus Dumbledore, and the duo of David Hasselhoff and Zombie Al Dogg in the Silver Age Batmobile into the fray. “Prime did you just see that?! It… looked like you!” says a surprised Hound. “Yes Hound, I thought I felt something change deep within the Matrix,” replies the Slaves’ Optimus. “Rodimus must have passed the Matrix of Leadership onto the younger version of me. Let’s hope that experience is more important than youthfulness.” The Slaves’ Prime then orders Hound, Shaak Ti, Darth Plageuis, Amazo, and B’dg to follow him in hope to flank their opponents. They are soon assaulted by the duo of Parallax and Zombie Darkseid. Parallax dives right into Darth Plageuis and takes control of his body. “Darth Parallax” then proceeds to cut B’dg (which, by the way it's pronounced “Badge”…go figure) down with his lightsaber. Shaak Ti defends herself against her own teammate as Amazo tangles with Zombie Darkseid. The zombified ruler of Apokolips is relentless in his attack against the amazing android, but due to Amazo’s advanced technology, his attacks aren’t doing much damage. Amazo utilizes Flash’s speed and Superman’s strength to deal multiple hard blows to Zombie Darkseid. He then knocks him back into a building with a blast from his duplicated Green Lantern power. But Zombie Darkseid continues his attack. He unleashes a full blast of Omega Beams at Amazo, who tries to evade them, but this is nearly impossible to do. The beams hit Amazo in the back and incinerate the android. “Darth Parallax” is still attacking Shaak Ti, as well as keeping Hound and Optimus Prime at bay with his yellow energy. “HO HO HO! Looks like our team needs a little hand, don’t you think, Corbin ‘ol buddy?” bellow Santa Claus as he swoops in aboard his sleigh. “Yeah, and we got just the little hand for the job!” exclaims Corbin Dallas, as Yoda leaps off of the sleigh and flies in courtesy of his Green Lantern ring. He immediately blast “Darth Parallax” back and then uses his amazing connection with the Force along with his Green Lantern ring to rip Parallax out from his teammate’s body. Darth Plageuis falls to the ground as Parallax is caught in a green energy web. “Time for you to die, it is. Victory, fear will not have,” says Yoda as he slices Parallax in half with his lightsaber. Zombie Darkseid’s eyes then begin to glow as he is powering up his Omega Beams yet again, only this time his target is Yoda. Optimus Prime sees this and reacts quickly. He races in, pulls out his rifle and blows Zombie Darkseid’s head clean off. “Seeing you out on this battlefield brings warm feelings to my heart,” a grateful Yoda says to his old friend.

Meanwhile, the Commandos’ Optimus Prime’s crew is fending off Ultraman, Super-Soldier, Doppelganger and Martian Manhunter. Doppelganger leaps onto the hood of the Batmobile and starts smashing the half-bubble windshields. David Hasselhoff does his best to keep the car under control, but he is having extreme difficulties due to both Doppelganger’s attack and his own blood alcohol levels. Zombie Al Dogg does the only thing he knows how to do and lunges at Doppelganger. He bites into the evil near-mindless duplicate of Peter Parker, who then sub sequentially tears into Zombie Al Dogg’s chest with his harden talons. They both fall off the front of the Batmobile which causes it to drag both of them underneath it as “The Hoff” looses control of it and it smashes into a wall, causing it to explode into a fiery mess killing all three of them. Super-Soldier has engaged Indigo Lantern Movie Jetfire high above the buildings as Optimus and Dumbledore are attacked by Ultra-Man and Martian Manhunter. Super-Soldier blocks Movie Jetfire’s blast from his Indigo ring with his shield. He then flies hard and fast at the Blackbird jet and breaks through not only his Indigo energy force field, but also completely through the Transformer himself. Super-Soldier hovers there in the air as Movie Jetfire plummets to the ground. He is then quickly driven into the ground by Bizarro. The backwards Superman then pounds his fist harder and harder into the back of Super-Soldier’s skull, driving it deeper into the street. By the time Bizarro stops his attack, Super-Soldier has been reduced to a stain in the pavement. Dumbledore is doing a pretty good job of keeping Martian Manhunter tied up with various pyro-magic spells as Optimus battles Ultraman. The young Optimus has to think quickly on his feet if he is to survive this battle against the much larger and more powerful Ultraman. He dodge’s Ultraman’s Spacium Ray and evades Ultra Slashes. Dave Bowman: The Starchild then arrives to give Optimus some much needed support. He uses his vast cosmic powers to take the parts of the fallen Movie Jetfire and outfits Optimus Prime with some heavy armor. This allows Optimus to fly up to fight Ultraman head on. All of this extra armor also gives Prime the additional firepower needed to blast a hole through Ultraman’s chest, which is exactly what he does. Black Adam then arrives to aid Dumbledore in his attack against Martian Manhunter. Dumbledore believes that he has J’onn J’onzz still with his magical spells but, he has phased and turned invisible. He reappears behind the wizard and phases his hand into Dumbledore’s chest, killing him. Black Adam then shouts “SHAZAM!” and launches a lightning bolt right at Martian Manhunter, frying him to his core.

Numinus has now joined Dave Bowman in the battle, where they are soon faced by Loki, Yoda, Corbin Dallas, Santa Claus and his reindeer. Captain Steven Hiller tries to zip in and surprise Santa, but his reindeer are too well prepared for such an attack. They quickly take evasive actions and are able to fly up behind the MiG. Rudolph then blasts the jet away with his red laser nose. Yoda, Santa Claus and Corbin Dallas then set their sights directly upon The Starchild as Loki attacks Numinus. Santa Claus presses the turbo boost on his sleigh and they rocket towards Bowman. The Starchild unleashes a massive blast of cosmic energy entwined with green energy that utterly consumes the sleigh and reindeer. But something is still coming for him. Before Dave Bowman can react, Yoda burst through the smoke from the destroyed sleigh and uses his lightsaber and green lantern energy to do what very few have been able to do, he kills Dave Bowman. Numinus is shocked that Dave Bowman has died. (Which I would like to point out had only happened ONE time prior to this match all season.) This is the opportunity Loki was looking for. He hits Numinus with such a massive amount of black magic that the cosmic entity is unable to defend against it and dies as well. “Chance of victory is at hand. Continue fighting, we must,” says Yoda as he flies himself and Loki back to their team, which is just in time, as they are surrounded by the remaining six members of the Commandos.

Darth Plageuis is still weakened by from his possession by Parallax, but he continues to fight. Last year’s Playoffs M.V.P. (Slaves) Optimus Prime leads his team against what he knows to be a much younger and quicker version of himself. The duo of Black Adam and Mary Marvel immediately attack Loki as Shaak Ti goes on the offensive against Fatality. Yoda knows that Bizarro is their biggest threat right now and engages him. Both Primes know that this fight is inevitable and both agree to not wait any longer. The two Primes clash with such power that it shatters the surrounding buildings’ windows. One draws out his orange energy axe as the other one pulls out his dual orange energy swords. They match each other with every swing, blocking each move as if they both know what the other one is thinking. The Commandos’ Optimus Prime then performs a beautiful spin kick that knocks the Slaves’ Prime right off of his feet. “PRIME!” yells Hound. “Stay back! This is my fight,” replies (Slaves) Optimus. He regains his footing and spear tackles (Commandos) Optimus to the ground. (Commandos) Prime then pushes (Slaves) Optimus off of him as the two get back to their feet. They both simultaneously draw their rifle and fire a single shot. The older and more experienced Prime is able to hit his target, but even then, he only clips the younger version’s side. Black Adam sees this and swoops in against his teammate’s orders and shouts “SHAZAM!” and sends a lightning bolt right into (Slaves) Optimus Prime. He then quickly flies back to aid Mary Marvel in her fight against Loki.

Optimus falls to his knees and then crumples to the ground. His teammates all see this and retreat back to his aid. Yoda erects a green energy bubble around them as Hound kneels down beside Prime. All of the remaining Commandos are pounding away on the force field, trying to break through, but Yoda is fortifying it with the Force as well. “Prime…” a shaken Hound says. Optimus, using all his remaining strength to make himself heard replies “Do not grieve… Soon, I shall be one with the Matrix…” His head is turned so all assembled can see. His eyes flicker weakly, his voice rumbles with overtone of vast weariness and resignation. He reaches up with his hand with great effort to his fellow Autobot. “Hound, it is to you old friend, I shall pass the Matrix as it was passed to me…” Hound grabs a hold of Prime’s hand unwillingly, with mixed grief and surprise on his face. “Prime, I’m not a leader. I’m just a scout,” Hound says to his fallen leader. Prime’s voice is failing, but he presses on, “You will learn, just as I did. Listen to Master Yoda… he will show you the…. path…” A distraught Hound nods. Optimus then presses a button on his chest, which causes it to open up and something extremely bright glows from inside. Hound, nearly blinded by the intense light, reaches in and pulls out the Autobot Matrix of Leadership and holds it for a moment in his hand. Optimus Prime’s hand then drops to the ground as he dies. The Matrix then suddenly lights up even more. A miraculous transformation begins to take place. Hound begins to grow at an alarming rate; age shows on his face; he is stronger and wiser. Then all of a sudden, everyone hears Optimus Prime’s voice say “Arise, Houndimus Prime.”

Yoda then blasts the green energy bubble outwards, knocking back all of the Commandos. Once the smoke clears, the Commandos see Houndimus Prime leading the way. He goes right after Black Adam and fires his shoulder mounted rocket, knocking Black Adam out of the sky. He then races up and finishes him off with his newly upgraded plasma cannon. Shaak Ti leaps into the air in a spinning motion and is able to cut down Fatality before she can use her Star Sapphire ring against her. Yoda continues what he set out to do before Optimus fell, and goes after Bizarro. They fly head first right at each other. Yoda is quicker of the two, and is flying circles around Bizarro. But he is finally caught in Bizarro’s grip. The backwards Superman squeezes and begins to kill Yoda, but with his last bit of energy, Yoda accomplishes his mission and drives his lightsaber into the neck of Bizarro. They both fall to the ground, lifeless. Ms. Marvel then flies in at twice the speed of sound and destroys Shaak Ti with an explosive blast of radiant energy. She then flies in to aid Mary Marvel against the powerful Loki. But as soon as she arrives, Loki blasts her with a massive amount of mystical energy which vaporizes Ms. Marvel. However, Mary Marvel, who had been mentored by Black Adam, uses this distraction to her advantage. She flies up behind Loki, grabs his horns on his helmet and twists them down into his own heart. Darth Plageuis then hits her with a bolt of Sith Lightning, which ironically enough does do some damage to her. Mary Marvel then powers through it and yells out “SHAZAM!” and hits Darth Plageuis with some lightning of her own. But the two forms of lightning reacted poorly with each other and caused an explosion that killed both of them.

It now comes down to one on one. Prime vs Prime. Optimus vs Houndimus. Optimus Prime pulls out his orange energy axe once again and rushes towards Houndimus. He blocks the attack and knocks Optimus back. The two trades blows back and forth. Houndimus is much more on the defensive, as he is having a difficult time dealing with the fact that he is fighting Optimus Prime. In the end, this proves to be his undoing, as Optimus Prime gains the upper hand and finishes Houndimus off. “You will be a great leader one day, Houndimus,” Optimus says to himself as he walks off the battlefield.

FORMER POP SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA AND PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS AND ADVANCE TO THE NATIONAL LEAGUE FINALS!!

Season Three: Week 2: Consolation Match: Logical Genocide vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve

Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Brandon Inge (w/ a blue light saber and an Iron Man suit), Justin Oblak (w/ Mandalorian Armor) & Charlie Brown.

Logical Genocide is Robert Hudson (w/ a laser sword, laser gun & pokeball), Melissa Hudson (w/ a star wand) & Dr. Deathbrain.


At a local pub recently, two members of the Fantasy Fantasy league met up to discuss this week’s consolation matches. The meeting was supposed to be a secret, outside of the watchers influence. These two people wanted to know what the outcome of their match would be without reading it from a watcher. The following conversation is said to be an accurate representation of what transpired that evening.

Matt Oblak: “Hey Chris, thanks for meeting me here.”

Chris Seeney: “Yeah no problem. Why am I here again?”

Matt: “Well, after last week’s Jim Joycing of my match, I wanted to discuss my match with someone other than a watcher.”

Chris: “Oh, okay. Seems kind of pointless though.”

Matt: “Not really. I’m thinking if we could get a good enough match together with our two consolation teams, they might except the match and just keep it as a legit story.”

Chris: “Yeah, I kind of doubt that.”

Matt: “Just hear me out on this.”

Chris: (Waiting for Matt to say something additional in regards to his plan)

Matt: “Actually I guess that’s all I have. What do you think?”

Chris: “About what?”

Matt: “The plan, do you think it will work?”

Chris: “No, I already told you it won’t work.”

Matt: “Well, I think you are wrong. Now let’s discuss our teams.”

Chris: “Fine I guess. For the record though, this has literally no chance of working.”

Matt: “Just tell me who you’re starting.”

Chris: “You tell me who you’re starting, then I’ll tell you who I’m starting.”

Matt: “Look, you’re lucky I didn’t kick your ass from your comment’s on the message board a couple of week’s ago. Just tell me who the hell you are starting.”

Chris: “That wasn’t the real Chris Seeney, that was my online persona talking to your wife.”

Matt: “Well the real life Matt Oblak is going to kick the real life Chris Seeney’s a$$ if he doesn’t tell me who he is starting for this week’s match.”

Chris: (Smiles for a second and then realizes that Matt might actually be serious about this.) “Um, okay. I’m starting Robert Hudson (w/ a laser sword, laser gun & pokeball), Melissa Hudson (w/ a star wand) & Dr. Deathbrain.”

Matt: “Aren’t those the people who have never showed up for anything league related yet?”

Chris: “No, I think Dr. Deathbrain showed up to the expansion draft this year." (Chris laughs.)

Matt: (Matt doesn’t)

Chris: “Yeah, that’s them.”

Matt: “Well I’m starting Brandon Inge and my brother, so I would obviously win this match.”

Chris: “Really, that’s it? You brought me up here tonight to discuss our match and that is all you have.”

Matt: “Well maybe if you actually started a real team against me we would have something to talk about, but instead you started an entire team that would probably not even show up for the fight.”

Chris: “Look, I know Inge and your brother have gotten an absurd amount of love in this league, but if we are going to look at this logically, it’s obvious that my team would waste yours.”

Matt: “Yeah “Logical Boy”, tell me how your so-called team could even consider putting up a fight against my perfect squad.”

Chris: “First off, it says it takes place at Nick’s house, whatever that means.”

Matt: “It means it takes place at one of Nick’s houses that he’s lived at.”

Chris: “Yeah, no s#*@ “Lurve” boy. It’s a pretty ridiculously vague setting though.”

Matt: “So, what’s your point?”

Chris: “My point is that they can make the setting work out anyway they want. My guess is that the fight would take place in tight quarters, which totally favors my team.”

Matt: “First off, if tight quarters favors anyone in this match it’s me. Second, it wouldn’t take place in tight quarters. It would take place in the backyard of the house, which again would favor my team.”

Chris: “So what your saying is that no matter where we would fight, my team is at an automatic disadvantage?”

Matt: “Yeah, I already told you that. Continue though, I am curious to here how your team could possibly even stomach being in the same match with my guys.”

Chris: (Thinking to himself that leaving would probably be the best course of action right now) “Okay, I guess both our team’s would be inside an apartment. I am picturing an apartment because it has yet to be used as a setting.”

Matt: “Okay, keep going.”

Chris: “I’m thinking that both of your guys will be bitching about how they lost last week’s playoff match. Then as they are talking to each other, Robert throw’s a Pokeball at them and the pokemon character inside will either kill them or distract them long enough for Robert and Melissa to destroy them with their weapons.”

Matt: “You really think that is how the match would play out?”

Chris: “Yeah, that’s how I see it going down. I think it will be a quick one.”

Matt: “First off, Nick is writing this thing so it’s not going to be quick. Second, you have about as good of a chance of beating me as Amy did against Beckerman this week.”

Chris: “You’re a big fan of putting your thoughts in order aren’t you?”

Matt: (Just stares back at Chris and doesn’t say anything.)

Chris: “Okay, I didn’t know Nick was writing this thing. He’s like your beat writer isn’t he?”

Matt: “No, he just understands my characters and knows how good they truly are.”

Chris: “Yeah, like I said, he’s biased towards your team.”

Matt: “No, he just knows what my team can do.”

Chris: “Okay, well if Nick is writing this match then I suppose he would have my team show up like an hour late or possibly never and then have Brandon and your brother just light my team up for five pages, ending with Dr. Deathbrain saying something stupid and then dying at the end.”

Matt: “Actually, I kind of pictured Dr. Deathbrain dying at the beginning and then having Brandon and my brother light your team up. Either way though, I like where you went with the second story, it just makes sense.”

Chris: “So basically everyone on my team just dies without a chance and everyone on your team lives, without even getting hurt.”

Matt: “Well, I started Charlie Brown as well. I suppose he could die, but I don’t really care if he lives. I guess I would except him dying as being a legit storyline.”

Chris: “You never mentioned starting Charlie Brown.”

Matt: “I just figured it wasn’t worth mentioning, you know, it’s not like I need him to win or anything.”

Chris: “Okay, this is pointless. I am guessing that no matter what I say you will just disagree with it and go with what you want anyways.”

Matt: “No, I will listen to what you have to say and then when you slip-up, I will correct you on your mistake.”

Chris: “You know what, I’m just going to check the site right now and hope the match is already posted.”

Matt: “So you are just giving up on my idea already?”

Chris: “It is a terrible idea that would never possibly work. I still don’t know why I am here.” (Waits for the page to load on his web-enabled phone) “Oh god, why does it still say, “Who Watches the Watchers” on the site, like their ever going to make a movie about that.”

Matt: “So, is the match up yet?”

Chris: “Yeah, hold on a minute. (Reading the match) “Oh, hell yeah, it’s takes place in a apartment like I thought it would.”

Matt: “Woopty frickin do, who won.”

Chris: “Oh come on, you didn’t tell me Brandon and your brother both had nine deaths. S@#%, I have no chance in this match.”

Matt: “Well, what happened? How bad did I kick you’re a$$?”

Chris: (Mumbles something under his breathe that sounds like “Bulls@#!”) “Well, it looks like your beat writer wrote you another biased match with the two retard wonders.”

Matt: “How did it play out, how bad was the spanking?”

Chris: “Well, Dr. Deathbrain said something stupid and then was killed by Charlie Brown. Then Robert and Melissa showed up a couple of hours late, which lead to Brandon and Justin getting drunk. Robert and Melissa then killed Charlie Brown with a double laser sword/star wand attack and then it took Brandon and Justin three and half pages of pointless scenario’s and dialogue to finally kill my team. Though it does have a cool part where Justin thinks Brandon is dead, but at the end you find out that Brandon was just passed out because he was so drunk. In the end though, you won.”

Matt: “Hell yeah I did, because my match was written right this week.”

Chris: “There was no real reason for us to do this tonight was there?”

Matt: “Yeah, we did this so we could figure out how our match should be written.”

Chris: “But the match was already written before we even started to discuss it, so how on earth did this do anything for anyone?”

Matt: “I don’t know, but you lost though. Looks like the match we envisioned ended up being the real match after all.”

Chris: (Chris slowly gets out of his chair and walks towards the exit of the bar. He has his middle figure pointed directly at Matt the entire time.)

Matt: “Can you say sore loser, I knew we shouldn’t of let that guy into the league.”

Logical Genocide: All Dead

Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve: Brandon Inge and Justin Oblak survived.

Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is Victorious!!!

The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. TEAM

The Horsemen of Apokolips are Apocalypse, Sinestro (w/ yellow & green rings), Sixshot, Circuit Breaker, Sunstorm, Supergirl, Superboy Prime, Achilles, Hal Jordan Parallax (w/ a red lantern ring), Ce Ce Denowi (w/ an indigo lantern ring) w/ Josh Houslander: Jedi Knight (w/ a blue lantern ring), & Mark in The USS Enterprise, Luke Skywalker Grand Jedi Master in The Blue Falcon, Chris (w/ Mandalorian Armor & a green lightsaber) & Julie (w/ a green lightsaber & a star wand) Artrip in The Delorean Time Machine, Eternity, & Exitar the Exterminator.

TEAM is Unicron, The Presence, The Beyonder, Set, Superman, Superboy, Thor, Thunder strike, Galvatron (w/ a red lantern ring), Mike (w/ Mandalorian Armor & a blue lightsaber) & Laura (w/ a Mithril Vest & blue lightsaber) Sroka, Space Ghost w/ Jan, Jace, & Blip, Seraph, Jackie Chan, & Griffin Poteracki in a Semi Truck.


Eternity, the one who is the universe is confronted with The Presence, the one who created the universe. While The Beyonder, the one who can withstand any force is confronted with Exitar, the one who can exterminate anything. They all meet and the universe as we know is completely destroyed, as you may have guessed because this is the only logical course of action.......... But it is a good thing that I, the one who is the all powerful watcher is here to reform the universe and start the match over, without them.

The Horsemen of Apokolips are Apocalypse, Sinestro, Sixshot, Circuit Breaker, Sunstorm, Supergirl, Superboy Prime, Achilles, Hal Jordan Parallax, Ce Ce Denowi, Josh Houslander: Jedi Knight, Mark, Luke Skywalker, & Chris & Julie Artrip.

TEAM is Unicron, Set, Superman, Superboy, Thor, Thunderstrike, Galvatron, Mike & Laura Sroka, Space Ghost, Jan, Jace, Blip, Seraph, Jackie Chan, & Griffin Poteracki.


Ahhhhh. Now to get started for real. The match that everyone knew would happen, the annual TEAM Vs. The Horsemen play-off match. These 2 teams are undoubtedly part of the most talked about rivalry in all of Fantasy Fantasy. The mutual respect, coated with unspeakable animosity between these 2 teams is like no other. The only 2 teams to ever win The Universe Bowl, the 2 teams that have battled each other more than any 2 teams, The 2 teams that have competed in more play-off matches than any other team (actually the Slaves are tied with them for that one), the 2 teams that are considered by many to be the best 2 teams in Fantasy Fantasy, not just today; but from day 1, despite the fact that they play not just in the same league; but in the very same division. As the match finally begins, we find members of both teams sprawled all over (and above) the play-off . Neither teams waste any time attacking one another. They both know that in a match between The Horsemen and TEAM that there is no over-thinking, no over-analyzing, and definitely no hesitating. Up in space The USS Enterprise is beginning to accelerate to attack speed toward Unicron who anxiously awaits competition from his most hated rival. Mark is piloting under orders from Capt. Denowi, when Luke Skywalker walks onto the bridge and says: “Let me in there Mark. You be my co-pilot and let Josh take over the fire controls”. Luke then hands Capt. Ce Ce Denowi a piece of paper and says: “These orders come from Coach Lectur himself, I hope there is not a problem”. Ce Ce looks at the piece of paper, nods and says: “Very well. Do as he says Mark. It sounds like Hannibal has a plan”. Back on the surface of the play-off planet, Set has completely taken over the city, but Hal Jordan Parallax, along with Sixshot, and Sunstorm have taken flight and begun to circle the enormous 7 headed serpent. Superman and Superboy Prime have set the stage for a battle far above the desert, while below them Galvatron is about to battle Apocalypse. In a not-so dense area of the forest region Supergirl and Sinestro are preparing to battle Thor and Thunderstrike, while Achilles is searching for prey. Chris and Julie have hidden their Delorean behind a billboard on the outskirts of the city because they are under strict orders from Coach Lectur to wait until the match is well under way to use the time machine, in case they have to reverse something that has benefited TEAM. But TEAM recognizes the value of The Time Machine as well, and The Oracle has put Superboy in charge of finding the Delorean. Mr. June himself, Space Ghost brings his crew along to sneak up on what he thinks is an unknowing Achilles. Space Ghost takes aim at the Greek, but Achilles jumps out of the way and then reveals that he has a partner in his trek thru the forest. Circuit Breaker jumps out from behind a tree and grabs a hold of the utility belts of both Jan and Jace. This sends a charge thru their bodies that is more than enough to kill them. She then grabs a hold of Space Ghost. It takes much more effort on the part of Circuit Breaker, but in the end the result is the same and she takes out Space Ghost by shorting out his hardware. Circuit Breaker is very proud of her accomplishment, so much so that she doesn’t see Achilles warning her about Blip who is coming up behind her. Blip is smart enough to know that with all of his electronic devices he cannot make physical contact with her, so he uses his laser gun to catch Circuit Breaker in the back of the head; and finish off for good a woman who has killed so very many of his TEAMmates over the years. Achilles is mad at himself, as he slices Blip in half, just knowing that he wasn’t quite fast enough to save his fellow Horsemen. Griffin comes driving up like a madman in his semi to help out Thor and Thunderstrike, but Supergirl just grabs the semi by the hood and uses it to crush her opponent Thunderstrike. Griffin dies from this brutal act, but Thunderstrike still requires a little bit more abuse, which Supergirl gladly dishes out to The Asgardian with her fists. Thor knocks Supergirl out of the way temporarily but is then confronted with Sinestro. Sinestro, who has been hailed as both the best green lantern ever and the best yellow lantern ever has both rings at the same time for the first time ever. Thor attempts to come down hard on Sinestro with Mojinir, but Sinestro uses a shield of green energy to block the mystical hammer. He then lifts his right hand, which bears the yellow ring and uses it to bring down a yellow lightning bolt loaded with yellow energy that completely fries the Asgardian. “Who is the god of thunder now”? Sinestro asks of the corpse. Up in the skies, Superboy Prime attacks fiercely against the alternate (yet original) version of himself. Despite Superboy Prime’s armor and intense demeanor, it is his arrogance that gets the best of him as he opens himself up to a neck-breaking double-fisted attack from Superman that proves that he is not just the original, but also the strongest. Laura Sroka leads the charge against Achilles with her husband Mike and idle Jackie Chan following close behind. Seraph does not rush in quite the same amount of haste, but is there in the heat of the battle as well. Achilles draws his sword and stabs Laura in the chest, he then spin attacks and takes Jackie Chan’s head right off. Mike takes flight with his Mandalorian jet pack, but Achilles launches his sword into the air and sends it straight thru his face. Seraph attacks Achilles before his sword lands and knocks him to the ground with a couple of well-placed kicks. Achilles pops back up and grabs his sword off of the ground, he charges toward Seraph but Laura pops back up to defend her teammate. Achilles thought that Laura was dead but she was still very alive due to the protection from her mithril vest. Achilles ducks underneath the swing from Laura’s lightsaber and this time uses his sword to take off her head. Seraph catches Laura’s blue lightsaber before it hits the ground and in one fluid motion attacks Achilles. He first goes for Achilles’ ankle and then his neck, with the hits resulting in the Greek Warriors’ death. Superboy uses his x-ray vision to see thru the well-placed hiding spot of The Horsemen’s Delorean. Chris and Julie notice that they have been noticed and they take off. “Get us out of here”! Julie screams. “This car’s pretty quick, but I don’t think it can outrun a Kryptonian”. Chris replies. He finishes: “I think the only way to outrun him is to turn this flux compasitor on and get out of this time all together”. Julie activates the flux compasitor, and Chris begins accelerating; but in the blink of an eye Superboy is already on top of them picking away at the car. Julie leans out the open window and shoots a couple of star blasts at him from her wand, but they do absolutely nothing to the super hero. “Let’s get the f**k out of here Chris! Past, future, black hole I don’t care! Just get us out of here”! Chris replies: “I can’t! If I activate it now, Superboy will come with us and destroy this car in- between times. Then we’ll all be stuck there and die in the nothingness of time”. Julie replies calmly: “Do you mean Superboy would be stuck there as well”? “I think so“? Chris answers. Julie says: “In that case, PUNCH IT“! With that being said Chris slams the Delorean into 5th gear with Superboy still attached to the back. They enter into the would-be brief nothingness just as Superboy puts a fist thru the stainless steel roof which in essence kills all 3 of them. Galvatron is anxious to use his new red lantern ring and loves how easily his rage is fueled by the simple little trinket. He flies thru the city region with greater ease then he ever experienced; blasting thru buildings as if they were made of Styrofoam. Just when Galvatron begins to think that he might just be invincible, he is hit with a crushing blow that knocks him to the ground. Apocalypse takes this opportunity to grow to roughly the same size as Galvatron. Apocalypse then lays into Galvatron with every bit of his power, breaking thru the red energy aura and crushing his Cybertronian metal body. Hal Jordan Parallax leads the charge against Set with Sixshot and Sunstorm flanking him. Jordan doesn’t seem to be able to instill any fear in the enormous 7 headed serpent but his will is definitely raging as he unleashes a fireball of mixed energy at one of the heads of Set. This burst of power completely vaporizes Set’s head, but as he is thinking about how he only needs to do this 6 more times, 2 of Set’s other heads converge on his position and rip him apart devouring both him and his energy. Sixshot flies thru the air and lands on the cracked road beneath him, using all 6 of his robot forms to evade and attack the much larger Set. It doesn’t take Sixshot long to figure out that even though his evasive maneuvers have been successful thus far that he can’t hold out forever and that his laser attacks are having very little effect on his reptilian opponent. Sixshot looks to his left and sees his fellow Decepticon and Horsemen Sunstorm flying dangerously close to Set as well. Where Sixshot’s moves are more calculated and methodical, Sunstorm’s seem to be more erratic and dangerous; but even Sixshot has to admit to himself that despite the different methods of flight Sunstorm has been just as successful in his evasion as he has... If they could only think of a way to stop the gigantic beast. Sixshot saw how much power it took for Hal Jordan to be able to destroy just one head of Set’s and even he can put aside his arrogance to admit to himself that he doesn’t have that kind of raw power in his arsenal, but maybe Sunstorm does. Sixshot catches a glimpse of Sunstorm turning around and flying away. Many would think that Sunstorm is retreating from this fight, but Sixshot knows Sunstorm and knows that he must be flying away so he can build up speed. Sure enough, a couple of seconds later Sunstorm comes racing back on the scene at Mach 8. Aiming directly at the midsection of Set, Sunstorm crashes directly in to the great serpent, hoping that the nuclear explosion caused by his own unstable nuclear make-up could bring down the whole creature. Unfortunately Sunstorm simply does not have enough power to bring down Set all on his own but he does hit the nerves of 2 of his heads which cause them to shrivel up into nothing and then collapse into dust. Set screams with the pain that he was caused by the Decepticon and Sixshot takes advantage of the distraction caused by his insane deceased teammate. Sixshot lands on the back of the neck of one of Set’s other heads and begins sawing and blasting away at a central point in the back. Set flails his head like crazy, but Sixshot refuses to let go. The Decepticon assassin manages to make a huge gash at point blank range and then uses his own metal body, fueled by his own jets to rip the rest of the head right off. Sixshot is covered in serpent blood as he flies in his jet form on to the next head but Set begins to recover from these brutal attacks and catches Sixshot in the wing which sends him crashing to the ground. The damaged Sixshot manages to transform back into robot form, but it is not fast enough as Set rams his head directly into the ground where Sixshot was lying and crushes him to bits. Meanwhile, up in space The USS Enterprise is evading the laser blasts of Unicron like only a Skywalker can. Josh is firing repeatedly at their planet sized opponent, but he is finding that even The Enterprise's most impressive arsenal is accomplishing little more than annoying Unicron. As the Enterprise gets dangerously close to Unicron, Luke suddenly stands up and says: "Mark, take over the controls, it's time to start phase 2 of the plan". Mark does what he is told, while Luke uses Jedi speed to run down to the cargo hold of The Enterprise. Once he is down there he climbs in to the Blue Falcon which is already ready to go. Luke climbs in to The Falcon and ejects out of The Enterprise. The F-Zero hover-car lands on the leg of Unicron and starts driving at about 400 miles per hour up toward the head of the gigantic Transformer. Unicron puts his two hands together and brings them down hard thru the center of The Enterprise, doing irreparable damage to the ship. From inside the ship Mark screams to the rest of the crew: "Save yourselves. I'll drive what's left of this thing right into his chest and see what damage I can do". Ce Ce Denowi replies with: "No, I'm the Captain, if anybody is going down with this ship it is me". "Don't be ridiculous, the 2 of you can survive in space with your rings, I'll crash in to him and you guys can live to do some more damage, and besides I'm working the controls right now and we don't really have time to argue about this". Mark says. "He's got a point Master Denowi". Josh says as he is already cutting a hole in the hull with his lightsaber. "Good luck Mark" Ce Ce says as she and Josh jump out of the ship into the cold of space. Mark does as he said he would and drives The Enterprise into the chest of Unicron. Doing a significant amount of damage to him. Luke drives like a pro to move around the debris surrounding Unicron’s chest on the way to his head. Denowi and Josh both fly toward Unicron’s head as well, small enough to not draw attention to themselves, Unicron is much more concerned with the hole in his stomach then the 2 lantern wielding Jedi flying toward him. Ce Ce Denowi looks over to Josh and says (yes they can talk in space, they are lanterns and jedis, so get over Bill Nye): “Follow my lead Josh, I have a plan”. Josh and Denowi find themselves right in front of the face of Unicron. Denowi positions herself right in front of Unicron’s right eye, while Josh is in front of his left. The 2 of them use their lantern rings to help fuel their already significant force powers and they both work up the most powerful force push that either of them has ever done. These 2 force pushes work to shatter the 2 enormous eyes of Unicron. Unicron screams in pain once his 2 eyes are shattered and he instinctively slams his own hands onto his head. This in turn does even more damage to his body but it also crushes the 2 Jedi heroes that did the initial damage. With these 2 new openings, Luke drives the Blue Falcon into Unicron’s eye socket and then works his way into the center of his head. Luke jumps out of the Blue Falcon, just letting it crash into the side of Unicron’s head. Luke thinks to himself that he was really wishing one of those lantern jedis would be able to stay alive so they could get him out of here, but that it didn’t change what he needed to do. Luke begins to concentrate and hesitates for a moment thinking that what he is about to do could be construed as using the force to attack and therefore an evil for a Jedi. “Ehhh, maybe just this once” Luke says to himself out loud as he creates a wave of force energy that blows every nut, bolt, and square centimeter of metal in Unicron’s head to dust to destroy the near invincible Transformer. Superman and Seraph, the 2 survivors of the original TEAM/Horsemen match-up that began this epic rivalry regroup with one another, while Sinestro lands next to Apocalypse and decides that it is time that they end this match once and for all. But before the 2 veteran FFLers can begin to execute their plan, Superman rushes in at speeds that are much faster than a speeding bullet and does not even slow down as he crashes thru Apocalypse, shattering the millennia old mutant into tiny shards. Sinestro takes flight, and then takes a combined control of his yellow and green rings, like no other being ever has. Sinestro unleashes his power, draining both of his rings onto Superman, while he is circling back from his attack on Apocalypse. The energies from the 2 rings seem to form a silhouette of Doomsday within their light as they first burn the suit off of the last son of Krypton and then burns the flesh off of his bones. Seraph jumps into action just a little to late to save his TEAMmate, but once he is there, he takes full advantage of Sinestro’s weakened state as he hits him with a barrage of hits, kicks and bullets aimed at his neck and head to finally end the impressive FFL career of Sinestro. Seraph has no time to appreciate his handy-work because seconds after he accomplishes his task, Supergirl flies by and takes his head off with ease on her way to battle Set. On her way to Set, Supergirl takes aim at his most visible head and starts blasting him with heat vision. By the time she is upon the creature, the head she was focusing on has exploded and she moves on to the next head. For her second Set head of the day she begins pounding on it furiously with her fists. She is shocked that this does not have more of an effect on the gargantuan serpent. Supergirl then grabs a hold of the neck of Set and begins squeezing it with all of her might. She has nowhere near the reach to wrap her arms around the entire neck, but one can easily see the rough skin of Set compressing with her squeeze. Supergirl sees the other head of Set moving towards her to attack but she thinks she can finish up with her squeeze before it gets to her. Supergirl continues her squeeze until her hands touch and the head of Set has snapped off, but while she is finishing her exhausting maneuver the other head of Set comes down over her body and swallows her in one quick gulp. The last remaining head of Set screams in a mix of agony and victory, not that there is any other living soul on the planet to hear him.
TEAM IS VICTRIOUS AND ADVANCES TO THE AMERICAN LEAGUE FINALS!

Bruce's Bodacious Bullies Vs. Built Ford Tough

Consolation Match, Week 2.

Bruce's Bodacious Bullies Vs. Built Ford Tough


The Bullies are Force Adept #3 & Separatist Commando #1.
Built Ford Tough is Indiana Jones.

Force Adept #3 and Separatist Commando #1 spend hours setting up an elaborate gauntlet of booby traps in the house starting with an exploding lightbulb in the kitchen, a detonator rigged in the back yard heater to blow the propane tank when the sliding door is opened, a trio of hairspray cans in the microwave and a timer set to begin as soon as the side door opens. Even a loose stair on the way to the basement to send the aging Indy falling to his death.

Indy makes his way up the driveway and decides which way to enter the house.

If you'd like him to enter the front door, Proceed to section A.
If you'd like him to enter the side door, Proceed to section B.
If you'd like him to sneak around back and try to get in the sliding door, Proceed to section C.

Section A.
Indy sets his jaw, straightens his hat and heads in through the front door.
The Adept and the Commando are sitting, backs to the door, giggling to eachother.

"This is going to be great!" says the commando, "This guy isn't going to know what hit him."
At that Indy comes crashing through the door, the door strikes the force adept in the back of the head, killing him instantly,
The commando wheels on him and fires, missing, because we know that commandos have terrible aim. Indy pulls his revolver and puts one right between the eyes of the commando.

Section B.
Indy opens the side door and slips in quietly, he heads down the stairs, hits the loose step, flails and goes ass over tea-kettle down the stairs. He rolls to a stop and checks himself for injuries 2 broken hips and a sprained wrist....

The Commando and the adept come flying through the kitchen to observe the result of their clever trap, forgetting about the cans of hairspray sitting in the microwave, the resulting blast kills them both.

Section C.
Indy sneaks around the back of the house, he immediately notices the trap on the heater, raiders style. He uses his whip to snap the line leading from the side door handle to the back yard heater. The heater explodes, sending shrapnel flying through the living room, killing the two Bullies instantly.

No matter what happened, Built Ford Tough is Victorious!

Alice's Wonder Team Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy

Consolation matches week 2

Alice's Wonder Team Vs. Team SP

Alice's Wonder Team: is Goblin #5-8.
SP is Norman Rockwell, Biff Tannon (w/ a red lightsaber), & Compsognathous #50.


The goblins lay in wait in the basement fighting amongst themselves over who will get to eat what on their enemies.

The Compy sprints down the stairs, bouncing off the wall, leaping over the arm of the couch and pecking at Goblin #5
Goblins 6 7 and 8 wrestle the miniature dinosaur away from their teammate but not in time to save him from the loss of blood caused by the bites inflicted by the tiny menace. The remaining goblins snap the dinosaur's neck and consider whether they should cook it, or goblin #5 first.

While they are bickering over the cooking order and recipe Biff Tannon charges them with his lightsaber. They leap at him and Goblins 7 and 8 are cut down. Goblin 6 manages to scratch out Biff's eyes. Biff, Flailing around in pain, throws his lightsaber away.

The weapon rolls to the feet of none other than 20th century painter Norman Rockwell.

Norman quietly and gently rests his pipe on the ground, he picks up the silver weapon and switches it on.

"Be prepared... that's the boyscout motto." he says with grim determination. The blade shimmers in the air as he squares off against goblin #6. "I'm going to paint this room with your blood you foul creature."

With that, the painter used his painting background to make shallow cuts in the goblin, sending sprays of blood everywhere.

When the dust had settled, there was a message artfully written in blood on the walls.

"Team SP is Victorious!"

Biff Tannen and Norman Rockwell survive.

The Untouchables Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches

The Untouchables are Franklin Richards, She-Ra w/ Swift Wind, Madam Razz & Broom, The Pretender Monsters: Birdbrain, Scowl, Bristleback, Icepick, Slog, & Wildfly, The Legion of Super-Heroes: Lightning Lad, Saturn Girl, Phantom Girl, Bouncing Boy, Triplicate Girl, Timber Wolf, Chameleon Boy, & Brainiac 5, The Sorceress of Castle Grayskull (w/ an Indigo Lantern Ring), The Punisher, James Bond, Prof. McGonagall, Pyro, The Protectobots: Hotspot, First Aid, Grooves, Blades, & Streetwise, The Insecticons: Bombshell, Kickback, & Shrapnel, MacGyver (w/ a Red Lightsaber), Red Lantern Guy Gardner, Kimura, Maestro, & Private Ryan.

Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches are Darth Vader, Darth Talan, Jeer Dexton, Carnage, Dark Phoenix, Dracula, Holocaust, Mogo, Ranx: The Sentient City, Magog (w/ a green lantern ring), Orion, Red Hulk, Yendar Platis, & Wolverine.


We see some familiar, yet not so familiar faces in the line-up this week for The Backyardigans, and we see an Untouchable squad that looks and feels just slightly decimated after last week’s big upset over their old-time rival and division winner The Kennelz. The Untouchables have placed themselves strategically around the play-off planet, but The Backyardigans, with their very outnumbered team are all centrally located in the city region, which lies right at the planet’s equator. Even Mogo and Ranx just loom right outside the atmosphere of the planet, as they patiently wait for The Untouchables to make the first move. As mentioned before, The Backyardigans have started many of their old standards that we haven’t seen much of this season, while many of The Untouchables big stars gave the ultimate sacrifice to get their first ever play-off win. Many of The Backyardigans grow impatient as they merely sit by and wait but Lord Vader insists that they hold to the plan: “As an old comrade once told me: We only need to keep them from escaping”. Vader says to calm his troops and to reinforce his command over them. Going completely unnoticed, Guy Gardner does a fly by over The Backyardigans and then flies back to Brainiac 5 to report. “They aren’t gonna move Brainiac, I don’t think they are ever going to spilt up into the other settings like we had hoped. I say you let me lead an elite force and we see what damage we can inflict. Then we draw them out into the other areas like we had planned”. Brainiac 5 responds with: “I respect your enthusiasm Guy, but if you go in with only a fraction of our team against the squad that they sent out today, then you are going to get wasted and then we will be down some of our best players. On the other hand, you are right and I agree that Vader is never going to move his troops in an offensive posture. I think it is time for an all out offensive on our part”. “That’s what I’m talkin about” responds Guy Gardner and Lightning Lad simultaneously. With this conversation completed, Brainiac 5 orders an all out strike, from all angles on The Backyardigan front. Brainiac 5 speaks to the troops thru a telepathic link, using Franklin Richards as a vessel for the information delivery. “Have no illusions about what team we are going up against, but if we execute this attack with the right timing, then we may be able to take them down and advance to the next round, but it is going to have to take a perfect performance from all you. Now good luck”. The Untouchables rush in from all sides in an attempt to swarm The Backyardigans and to trap them within the boundaries of the 2 large skyscrapers that they are residing between, but keep in mind that this is exactly what Lord Vader was waiting for. As The Untouchables approach Dark Phoenix rises up into the air and releases a portion of the Phoenix force from her body. In doing so she rips apart several of the nearby buildings creating a much more open area for the battle to take place in. “Stay focused friends, the open area only helps our team’s larger numbers”. The Sorceress reminds her fellow Untouchables. But this blast from Dark Phoenix does more than just destroy buildings; it also completely wipes out Bouncing Boy, all 3 copies of Triplicate Girl, Timber Wolf, Chameleon Boy, and Private Ryan. As well as knocking Swiftwind out from underneath She-Ra and Madam Razz off of Broom killing them both and with a more calculated move destroying Brainiac 5 with a mind block in an attempt to send The Untouchables in to a state of disarray by killing their leader. Wolverine catches a few stray bullets from Punisher’s .45’s, but he keeps moving at the powerless super-hero and disembowels him. Wolverine then catches a glimpse of Kimura out of the corner of his eye and moves towards her. Wolverine says: “I hear you’ve been not so nice to my daughter over the years, why don’t you try some of that out on me”. “Gladly” Kimura replies. With this being said the 2 attack each other fiercely and a pitched battle ensues (an ode to Ryan’s ode to Beckerman). Kimura puts up a fairly decent fight against Logan, but in the end there is only one person who is the best at what Wolverine does (much to the dismay of Marvel who would love to duplicate his sales). She-Ra, now on foot is followed by Broom in the air, as they square off against Dracula, while Red Hulk begins viciously brawling with Maestro. MacGyver uses some scraps from the destroyed buildings to put together a jet pack atom bomb delivery system that only James Bond could possibly work, but before hey can complete the hand-off they are run thru by the combo of Jeer Dexton and Magog. Prof. McGonagall tries some attack spells out for size, but Darth Talan is able to leap out of the way of his attacks and then finish him with a crimson lightsaber to the throat. Pyro is battling Yendar Platis, and has almost overpowered his 6 lightsabers with his flame-throwers, but just before he accomplishes his task Carnage comes up from behind him and engulfs the mutant in his symbiote suit before he crushes his skull. Dark Phoenix retreats back to the clouds, but Guy Gardner leads Lightning Lad, Saturn Girl, Phantom Girl, Monstructor, Defensor (encased in green energy for the ride up), and all 3 Insecticons against Dark Phoenix, Mogo, & Ranx. “We gotta take out the big boys if we’re gonna finish this party”. Gardner says as they race toward the skies. Whether it be from exhaustion or apathy is unclear, but Dark Phoenix falls back further as Gardner Guard’s (that’s what he’s calling them all of the sudden) charge their position. The Protectobots, Insecticons, and Pretender Monsters land directly on the surface of Ranx and begin destroying everything in sight. Ranx fights back using his industry laden surface to engulf Monstructor and eventually destroy all 6 of his sparks with a bombardment of killer machinery; while Mogo, who doesn’t seem to mind that his actions may be hurting his “friend” Ranx sends an enormous blast of green energy onto the surface of Ranx which Defensor is unable to defend against. Ranx begins to release a strange bellow from within as The Insecticons vigorously chew at a central part of the city. “We don’t need Brainiac here to tell us that whatever those crazy Decepticons are doing is hurting him”. Gardner yells to the remaining members of The Legion of Super-Heroes as they rush to join Bombshell and the boys in being an instrument of destruction. Gardner orders the Insecticons to keep ripping away at Ranx as fast as they can while Lightning Lad, Saturn Girl, & Phantom Girl focus all of their energies on the Sentient City as well. Ranx is much weakened by these attacks, but he focuses what yellow energy he can on the 3 original threats. One by one Ranx destroys the Insecticons, but not before they create an enormous hole in the center of the universe’s biggest yellow lantern. With this task completed, an enraged Guy Gardner orders the Legion to stand back as he creates 2 enormous energy constructs. He then crashes both a red and green missile down the hole created by The Insecticons and takes out Ranx. What’s left of The Legion then gather around Gardner, and they waste no time moving against Mogo to try and start the process over again. Back on the surface The Sorceress uses her own powers combined with that of her new Indigo Lantern ring on Holocaust, but once the mutant is joined by the unlikely partner of Orion, she is defeated by their combined skills of energy manipulation and projection. The Sorceress has done much to comfort Franklin Richards after the death of his parents last week, and many in the Untouchables front office were unsure if he were ready to compete this week after such a loss, but the normally mild-mannered young man is sent over the edge with this act of ferocity by The Backyardigans. Franklin knocks Orion to the ground by a mere thought and then uses his own brain to simply shut off the mind of Holocaust. Dracula swipes at Broom with his nails causing a sharp edge in the living cleaning supply and then gains the upper hand in his fight against She-Ra, especially once Darth Talan comes to his aid. Dracula seems enlightened by this victory, but then the opponent which he had paid little attention to attacks once more. Broom, in a last ditch effort uses itself as a stake and goes directly thru the heart of Dracula. Darth Talan reacts quickly and cuts Broom in half with her lightsaber, but not before Broom kills the mighty Dracula. An exhausted Red Hulk is finally able to gain the upper hand over Maestro who are now fighting in the arctic region after knocking each other miles away with several of their hits. Red Hulk is barely able to muster the strength as he stands over Maestro with a glacier in his hands and rams it thru the face of the older version of his old enemy. Guy Gardner and The Legion burst thru the atmosphere of Mogo and begin attacking everything in sight with everything they have. Gardner is ready to execute a similar scheme as their Ranx plan despite having less help, but as he turns to bark an order he realizes that Lightning Lad, Saturn Girl, & Phantom Girl were not able to break thru the green energy defenses of Mogo like he was. Guy Gardner, in a last ditch effort summons the power to create 2 missiles 3 times the size of the red and green energy projectiles he used to kill Ranx. Gardner is focusing his power on the attack, when Mogo uses his own skills to pull the red energy from the body of Gardner like he has before. Only this time Mogo does not do this slowly and carefully but in a single instant which sends Guy’s body in to complete withdrawal and leaves his lifeless body on the surface of Mogo. Franklin Richards is moving towards the fallen Orion about to execute a mental attack when Darth Vader uses the force to block Franklin’s telepathic powers from knowing of his attack. The Dark Lord of the Sith then moves with amazing agility to decapitate Richards before he can do any more damage. “Nicely done boys” Wolverine says as he helps up Orion. “Who do you think are next opponent will be Lord Vader.... TEAM or The Horsemen”? Darth Talan asks of her master. “Don’t care, they don‘t stand a chance” Wolverine says with an interruption. But Vader answers his apprentice with: “I just wish we could fight them both”.
BECKERMAN’S BACKYARDIGAN’S: BEEYATCHES ARE VICTORIOUS AND ADVANCE TO THE AMERICAN LEAGUE FINALS!

Fantasy Fantasy End of the Year Bar-B-Q

To all:
Due to a busy July and beginning of August, I am expecting to hold the Annual BarBQ on Saturday, August 28, 2010 at 4pm.
Please chime in to see if the date is okay.
Thanks.

Season Three: Week 2: Consolation Match: The Abomitrons vs. Oblivio

The Abomitrons are Immell #2 Batteldae (a clone of Batman & Tim Cheveldae), Immell #3 Robin Murray (a clone of Tim Drake & The Bry) and Naboo Soldier #2.

Oblivio is Troll #7.


Conrad, the Naboo Soldier, is pacing back and forth around the Houslander’s kitchen table wishing that they had been able to program some sort of intelligible language into the Immell clones. As it is though, all he can make out in their conversation is something that resembles a mishmash of words all ending in double M’s and double L’s. Conrad is basically just waiting for the match to start in hopes that he can somehow come out of this one alive.

You see, as a common character, his chance of survival is much slimmer than someone of actual ranking. He knows that he is basically just a living bullet catcher and that his usefulness ranks up their with common Storm Troopers (as if there was another kind) and a huge rock that somebody more important could stand behind to protect themselves from incoming fire. As of right now, he was still uncertain of whom he was going to be up against. Despite all of that though, he was in good spirits and was going to do everything in his power to try and not be just another stereotypical common in this league.

As he paced back and forth, he heard the noise of something coming up to the house. He walked to the front of the house to see what was going on when he noticed a very large Troll heading his way. He immediately drew his blaster and yelled back to his team to take cover. The Troll stood about twelve feel tall and was headed towards the house with great momentum.

The three Abomitron members quickly took to their attack positions and seconds later the Troll came barreling through the door. The Troll’s club bashed down front door of the house and soon enough he was in the kitchen. Immell #2 took his grappling hook out and shot it through the legs of the Troll and into the remains of the wall on the other side of the house. Immell #2 then slid between the legs of the Troll and was now on the other side of the great beast.

Conrad was quite impressed by the move and was wondering what was going to come of it. Immell #3 then grabbed the blaster out of the hand of Conrad and threw it to Immell #2. Immell #2 caught the gun and proceeded to blast the Troll in the back of the head. It only took a couple of shots to the back of the Troll’s head to send it crashing to the ground. Once the Troll was on the ground both of the Immell’s made sure the oversized menace was officially put out of commission by using everything they could find to kill the beast.

As Conrad stood there in awe of his teammates expedited dispatching of their opponent, he was at the same time joyful and discouraged. Of course he was happy to have come out of this rather speedy match alive, but he was still hoping to have contributed in some sort of way. As he just stood there waiting for the Immell’s to come back, Immell #2 walked over to him and handed him his blaster. The Immell said something to him that made little sense but he did have a look of admiration on his face. Conrad took that look as a sign of acknowledgment from his teammate of a job well done. For sometimes it is better to do nothing at all and win, then to try your hardest and lose. After all, it’s the little victories that always count in the end. Well, sometimes the big victories are pretty wonderful as well. In this case, Conrad was going to have to be happy with any victory that he could get.

Oblivio: All Dead

The Abomitrons: Immell #2 & #3 along with Naboo Solider #2 survived

The Abomitrons are Victorious!!!

Xavier's Annihilation Squad Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade

Xavier's Annihilation Squad is Zombie Josh Houslander, Lurch, & Gomez Addams (w/ a green lightsaber).

Le' Napoleon Brigade is Karg, Skeletor's Crack Troops #1-3, & Lala.


Zombie Josh Houslander rushes in to the match at Mach Awesome, which is a speed that only a Josh Houslander variation can achieve. The 2 Crack Troops are up front protecting the 2 Brigade leaders and they take aim at the crazed zombie. They hit him with several laser blasts but the world's most attractive undead guy just keeps coming. As he gets closer the Crack Troops begin hacking away at Josh with their futuristic bayonets, but it doesn't stop the bada** techniques of Zombie Josh Houslander, who is almost as good of a fighter as the real josh Houslander was before his untimely, yet heroic death which can basically be credited to The Horsemen of Apokolips' Universe Bowl victory last season. The 3 Crack Troops put up a decent fight but inevitably they are defeated and all 3 killed by the vicious, yet surprisingly intelligent and agile Zombie Josh Houslander (I guess if you figure that a zombie still holds on to some of its former brain power and abilities, then this particular zombie would obviously still be pretty awesome). While the present Addams Family members look on at their gnarly teammate, Karg sneaks up beside Gomez and uses his killer ice cream cone looking thing to stab Gomez in the back of the neck and kill him. Zombie Josh Houslander sees this and jumps into action, biting Karg in the throat and ripping him apart. As blood spills everywhere Zombie Josh Houslander begins to devour the rest of Karg's body, but before he can, little pink Lala picks up the lightsaber belonging to Gomez and uses it to slice off the head of Zombie Josh Houslander. Lurch sheds a tear for his undead teammate as he picks up Lala and crushes the little pink furball into goo.
XAVIER'S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!

Better Than All of You vs. The Right Wing

“It's the playoffs. You find a way to get through.”
-Steve Finley

I look to the teams which will do battle at the Playoff Planet in this Second Week of the Playoffs. They are as follows:

Better Than All of You: Green Lantern (Hal Jordan w/ both his green ring and an indigo ring), Thanos, Aquaman, Aqualad, Aquababy, Storm Shadow, Snake Eyes, Gandalf the White, Ghost Rider (Danny Ketch), Ghost Rider (Johnny Blaze), Skeletor, The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, Gray Hulk, Abomination, Predator #5, Zombie Venom, Zombie Trinity, Iron Spiderman, Symbiote Suit Spiderman, Anti-Venom, Batman and Robin (Dick Grayson and Damian Wayne), Batman (Jean-Paul Valley), Batman Beyond, Doc Holiday, Lonestar, Barf and Astro-Droid #17 (RVD-1) in a Y-Wing Bomber and Doozer #6.

The Right Wing: Poseidon, Silver Surfer (w/ a green lantern ring), Zeus, Kit Fisto, Athena, Darth Malak, Black Panther, Superwoman, Red She-Hulk, Jool Nooret, Dr. House M.D., Victoria (w/ a red lightsaber), Lyra the She Hulk, Winnie the Pooh, Mogwai #3 and 4, Piglet, Mickey and Minnie Mouse, Ewok Babies #3 and 4, Snow Troopers #1-6, T-Rex #6, Droid Fighter Ships #3 and 4, Slimer, John Stewart and Blue Lantern #1.

Let the battle begin. . .

Water Region

Aquaman, Aqualad and Aquababy see the Titanic as it cruises across the waters. At the ocean liner’s helm are Mogwai #3 and 4. The two creatures coo and yelp in excitement as they steer the ship. An unfathomable wave crashes over the ship and sinks the Titanic. [The wave, fearless readers, was caused by Poseidon]. The Mogwai escape being sucked under by the ship through a flotation device. Fortunately for the Right Wing, water splashed on the diminutive fur balls. The Mogwai begin to gurgle in pain as Mogwai #3 gives birth to fifteen Gremlins and Mogwai #4 gives birth to twelve Gremlins. Knowing that the Mogwai and Gremlins will only multiply further, Aquaman and Aqualad use their telepathic powers to call upon the local aquatic inhabitants. The water creatures focus on the Mogwai and both Mogwai #3 and 4 are readily eaten. Before the called-upon beasts are able to destroy the Gremlin troop, the Gremlins swarm Aquababy. Aquababy kills five Gremlins, but the remaining monsters finish Aquababy off. Aquaman and Aqualad then, with the help of their new-found friends, destroy the remaining Gremlins.

Kit Fisto swims at Aqualad. Fisto gains the upper hand with both the Force and his lightsaber and skewers Aqualad. Aqualad’s blood excites the creatures in the area and the Titan is finished off by his own summonees. As blood drifts through the waters, Aquaman again requests the assistance of the water predators in the area. The monsters are enticed into a frenzy due to the blood and kill Fisto.

The King of Atlantis faces the Greek god of the sea. Poseidon’s powers are far superior over Aquaman; Aquaman eventually succumbs to a watery grave.

Underground Region

Mickey and Minnie Mouse walk through tunnels; they see their brethren skittering at their feet. When the Mouses (mice) look up, they see Doozer #6.

Mickey: Hah. Hah. We were around before you were even a glimmer in Henson’s mind.

Doozer #6: Don’t matter none. Still gonna kick your a$$!

Doozer #6 rushes at Minnie. Minnie is taken aback by the ferocity of Doozer #6 and slips. Doozer #6 falls upon her and rips Minnie’s throat out.

Mickey: MINNIE!!!!!!

Mickey reaches Doozer #6 and with his bear hands, rips the Hensonite apart. He then looks up to see Skeletor. Froth is seen around Mickey’s mouth.

Skeletor: You cannot be serious.

With a swift hand, Skeletor uses his Havoc Staff. The staff’s mystical abilities tear Mickey apart. Skeletor looks up from the desecrated mouse and sees Slimer. Before Skeletor can react, Slimer flies at He-Man’s nemesis and slimes him. The ooze begins to harden, encasing Skeletor, who frantically attempts to remove the muck. Slimer focuses on Skeletor. Gandalf the White appears from the shadows and stands in front of his crusty teammate. Slimer gargles.

Gandalf: You shall not pass!

Slimer bellows.

Gandalf: You shall not pass!

Slimer flies at Gandalf. Before the ghost reaches the wizard, Slimer explodes. Gandalf looks behind him and sees Skeletor, standing with his staff in hand.

Skeletor: You really should’ve just wasted him; too much drama the other way.

Forest Region

Piglet walks through the forest. He is met by Doc Holiday. Piglet moves his paws to his mouth, in fright.

Doc Holiday: No need to sweat little pig. I’m going to make this quick.

Holiday fires and kills Piglet. Winnie the Pooh sees his best friend fall.

Pooh: Oh you mean, mean man!

Doc Holiday: Don’t call me mean. . . (smiles) I’m your huckleberry.

Pooh: You’re my first kill of the day!

Pooh summons the spirit of his bear brethren and attacks Holiday. Pooh slashes Holiday’s face and cripples the gunfighter’s eyesight. Even with blood dripping into his eyes, Holiday riddles Pooh with bullets. A searing pain is felt by Holiday in his gut. He looks down and sees the Ewok Babies gnashing on his stomach. An already wounded Holiday falls and Ewok Babies #3 and 4 jump on him. The two gnaw at his mortally wounded body.

Predator #5 looks for prey. His search is short lived as Black Panther pounces on the alien. The two fight and batter each other like rag dolls. Eventually Black Panther steals Predator #5’s spear and runs him through. Predator #5 falls to the ground, dead.

Anti-Venom swings to the scene and uses web projectiles to tie Ewok Babies #3 and 4 to a tree limb. Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes race at the furry Endorians and slice them apart. Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes creep along the forest floor and meet Black Panther. Panther uses his metal claws, but the fight with Predator #5 has weakened him; T’Challa is killed by the two skilled ninjas. From above, the Greek goddess Athena, uses her skills to destroy both ninjas; Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow die. Anti-Venom swings through the forest and is searching for Athena. Due to him being distracted in an attempt to locate Athena, he accidentally lands on T Rex #6’s snout. The dinosaur opens its maw and chomps Anti-Venom in half.

Air

Droid Fighter Ships #3 and 4 focus on Lonestar, Barf and RVD-1 in a Y-Wing. The superior piloting skills of Lonestar and Barf outmatch the Droid Fighter ships and destroy both. Zeus flies by on his favorite cloud and riddles the Y-Wing with lightning. The ship shorts out and begins to careen out of control.

Barf: Are we going down with the ship?

Lonestar: Ain’t my ship!

Lonestar and Barf jettison from the crashing Y-Wing. RVD-1 goes down with the ship. As Lonestar and Barf soar down in their fighter compartments, Lonestar is scooped up by Superwoman.

Lonestar: Wow! What big-

Before Lonestar can complete his chauvinistic, sexist and discriminatory statement, Superwoman snaps Lonestar’s neck. Barf soars at Superwoman, who flies out of the way and rips his head off as he passes by. While Superwoman finishes off Lonestar and Barf, Green Lantern Hal Jordan is able to tactically maneuver himself in a better position to come from behind Superwoman. Superwoman is wrapped up by Jordan’s green lantern ring. Thanos teleports next to the two and uses his energy manipulation powers to destroy Superwoman. Jordan and Thanos teleport (using Jordan’s indigo ring and Thanos’ innate ability) next to Blue Lantern #1 and John Stewart. Stewart and Blue Lantern #1 are killed by the Better duo.

Zeus flies by and riddles Jordan’s body with lightning. Jordan begins to fall-which winds up saving him in the end. Before Thanos can teleport away, Silver Surfer fires the power cosmic at the Eternal mutant. Thanos absorbs the energy. The amount of energy imbibed by Thanos begins to rip his body apart. Thanos determines to use his last act as one of retribution. Thanos uses his body as a cosmic bomb that rivals the big bang’s explosion. As Thanos is ripped apart, he takes out both Silver Surfer and Zeus. Hal Jordan, still falling, wakes in time to see their deaths.

Arctic Region

Gray Hulk: Gray Hulk becoming cold. Should not have worn just ripped jeans.

Abomination: Quit complaining! At least you have jeans, I only have shorts. Now focus!

The two behemoths skirt the blaster fire of Snow Troopers #1-6. Although their bodies are singed, the Troopers are no match for the irradiated duo. Gray Hulk and Abomination kill all Snow Troopers. Darth Malak uses the Force to push Gray Hulk across the tundra. Malak then ignites his blade and crouches in a defensive stance. Abomination reaches Malak and the two fight. Abomination repeatedly smashes at the force shield around Malak, but loses his left hand in the process. Gray Hulk joins Abomination and leaps next to Malak. Malak unexpectedly kills Gray Hulk, but succumbs to the sheer brunt force of a one-handed Abomination.

City Region

Victoria, with a red lightsaber, takes on the Batman crew- Batman and Robin (Dick Grayson and Damian Wayne), Batman (Jean-Paul Valley) and Batman Beyond. The fury of Victoria wielding the red blade is spectacular to see. She uses her quickness and strength to kill Robin and Batman Beyond. The remaining Batmen use their utility belts in unison as a response to two of their own being killed. They pull out their vampire- weaponry and fire it at Victoria the same time. Although Victoria is able to deflect some of the projectiles, she is unable to destroy them all; she explodes as the stakes rip through her heart.

Jooel Nooret and Zombie Trinity are in a pitched battle. Nooret is eventually able to best Zombie Trinity and slices her head off with his Ginaz skills. He looks down as mystical chains bind his limbs together. At the end of the chains is the Ghost Rider duo; arms is Ketch and legs is Blaze. They race both ways and rip Nooret in half. Zombie Venom rushes to the body and begins to feast.

Dr. House sees the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man walking down the city’s main street. He shakes his head as he believes he is hallucinating from popping too many pills. House is squished under Stay Puft’s foot.

Lyra the She Hulk and Red She Hulk band together and kill both Batman (Jean Paul Valley and Batman (Dick Grayson). Thus, the female Hulk duo destroys the dynamic Batman duo.

In the next instant I transfer all of the combatants to the City Region for the Final Battle. The remaining participants are as follows:

Better Than All of You: Green Lantern (Hal Jordan w/ both his green ring and an indigo ring), Gandalf the White, Ghost Rider (Danny Ketch), Ghost Rider (Johnny Blaze), Skeletor, The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, Abomination, Zombie Venom, Iron Spiderman and Symbiote Suit Spiderman.

The Right Wing: Poseidon, Athena, Red She-Hulk, Lyra the She Hulk and T-Rex #6.

T-Rex #6 sees the Stay Putft Marshmallow Man and rushes at the giant candy-pitchman. The dinosaur pounces on Stay Puft and rips him apart, piece by marshmallowy piece. Abomination jumps on the dinosaur and manages to take the T-Rex down, even without a hand. The Ghost Riders finish the job and kill T-Rex #6.

Poseidon uses his powers to steer an immense amount of waters through the town. The charged fluid rips both Ghost Riders off their motorcycles. The Ghost Riders are repeatedly battered around throughout the city by the waters. They are eventually drowned by Poseidon’s powers as they revert to their human form. Gandalf the White uses his staff like Moses and parts the waters away from his teammates and the battlefield. Gandalf then joins forces with Skeletor and together they use their magics and mystical abilities to transport/teleport Poseidon away from the battlefield grounds. Poseidon is rife with both Better members’ powers surging through him and with the loss of his land/water grounding, Poseidon is destroyed.

The remaining female trio of Athena, Red She Hulk and Lyra the She Hulk face Abomination, Iron Spider Man and Symbiote Suit Spiderman. Iron Spider Man is destroyed by Lyra the She Hulk. Symbiote Spiderman is killed by Red She-Hulk. Abomination is killed by Athena.

Zombie Venom jumps on Red She Hulk. Although Red She Hulk attempts to kill Zombie Venom, she is unable to behead the zombie with her sai. Zombie Venom suffocates Red She Hulk with his symbiotic appendages. An angry Lyra rips Venom’s head off in revenge for her fallen comrade.

Gandalf, Skeletor and Jordan combine all of their powers to strike at Lyra and Athena. The two females manage to repel the repeated attacks of the trio, but eventually are bested. The two fall to the ground, holding hands with smiles on their faces. They have fought valiantly and have honored their team during this Playoff Match.

Better Than All of You: Green Lantern (Hal Jordan with both green and indigo rings), Gandalf the White and Skeletor.

The Right Wing: All dead.

BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU IS VICTORIOUS!!!

Season Three: Week Two: Consolation Match: P.M.S vs The Syracuse Valley

The Syracuse Valley is Splinter

P.M.S is Aerial Clone Trooper #1 & Gloppy the Molasses Monster


THIS MATCH SHOULD BE SUNG ALOUD TO THE TUNE OF “HOTEL CALIFORNIA” BY THE EAGLES.

On a dark suburban highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of baked goods rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a big old porch light
My armor grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I wasn’t ready for a fight
There she stood in the doorway
I heard the dinner bell
I was thinking to myself,
“This could be Heaven or this could be Hell”
Then she lit up the kitchen and she showed me the way
There were voices down the hallway,
I thought I heard them say…

“Welcome to the Houslander Room & Board Ya”
“Such a lovely place” (Such a lovely place)
“Such a lovely face”
“There’s plenty of room at the Houslander Room & Board Ya”
“Any time of year” (Any time of year)
“You can find it here?”

My team is Tiffany created
She’s got the P.M.S.
She’s got lots of pretty, pretty girls, she calls friends
How they fight in the backyard, sweet summer sweat
Some fight to remember, Some fight to forget
So I called up Gloppy, “Please bring me my gun”
He said, “I haven’t seen that model here since 2001”
And still those voices are coming from far away
Distract you in the middle of a fight
Just to hear them say…

“Welcome to the Houslander Room & Board Ya”
“Such a lovely place” (Such a lovely place)
“Such a lovely face”
They fighting it up at the Houslander Room & Board Ya
What a nice surprise! (What a nice surprise!)
Didn’t bring enough supplies

Gloppy’s all over the ceiling, looks like my partners on ice
And Splinter said, “You are just my prisoner here, a bad roll of the dice”
And in the master’s chambers, they gathered for the feast
They stabbed Gloppy with their steely knives, looks like they’ve just killed the beast
Last thing I remember, I was running for the door
I had to find the passage back to the place I was before
“Relax” said the Rat Man, “Go ahead and try to leave”
“But you beating me in this match, is something nobody would believe”

QUE THE KILLER GUITAR SOLO

P.M.S.: All Dead

The Syracuse Valley: Splinter survived

The Syracuse Valley is Victorious!!!

Hayley's Comets vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies

“The defects of great men are the consolation of the dunces.”
-Isaac Disraeli

I look to the teams which will do battle at Nick Houslander’s home in this Week 2 Playoff Consolation Match. They are as follows:

The Comets: Donald Pierce and Ewok #76.

The Murderflies: Marines #89 and 90.

Let the battle begin. . .

The Murderfly Marines have returned from a golf outing and are somewhat inebriated. They sit down at Houslander’s kitchen table. They then decide to prepare for the match, which they believe will be over in mere seconds due to their overconfident bravado, by riffing with one another.

Marine #89: We must think as General Lewis B. Puller said- “You don’t hurt ‘em if you don’t hit ‘em!”

Marine#90: As Lieutenant General Victor H. Krulak said –“Being ready is not what matters. What matters is winning after you get there.”

Marine #89 (laughs): Don’t forget Gunnery Sergeant Dan Daly- “Come on, you sons of b#$ches-do you want to live forever?”

A moment of silence ensues.

Marine #90: Master Sergeant Paul Woyshner- “Once a Marine, always a Marine!”

Marine #89: General Pershing- “The deadliest weapon in the world is a Marine and his rifle.”

The two marines grab their rifles and laugh. They then continue with their macho ranting.

Marine #90: A ship without Marines is like a garment without buttons; so said Admiral David Porter.

Marine #89: Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference. The Marines don’t have that problem. President Ronald Reagan.

The two Marines give a shout out to the former President.

Marine #90: We stole the Eagle from the Airforce, the Anchor from the Navy and the Rope from the Army.

Marine #89: We live like soldiers, talk like sailors and slap the hell out of both of them.

Marine #90: As someone once said- “On the seventh day while G-d rested, we overran his perimeter, stole the globe and we’ve been running the whole show ever since.”

Marine #89: Warriors by day, lovers by night, professionals by choice, and Marines by the Grace of G-d.

The two smile and their minds wander once again, but not for long. Donald Pierce and Ewok #76 come from behind.

Pierce: No G-d here gentlemen.

Ewok #76 drives a spear through the chair which Marine #89 is sitting on and skewers the soldier to the kitchen piece.

Pierce blasts Marine #90.

Ewok #76: Nubnub. Gooweeha. Chubbooka.

Pierce: Never thought they would shut up myself. . .

Hayley’s Comets: Donald Pierce and Ewok #76 survive.

Brock Sampsons’ Fighting Murderflies: All dead.

HAYLEY’S COMETS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!

Consolation Round 2

Points: 20
Prize: Proton Pack & Nintendo Zapper
Setting: Nick's House

-The Abomitrons Vs. Oblivio
-Bruce's Bodacious Bullies Vs. Built Ford Tough
-The Syracuse Valley Vs. PMS
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. The Transfoamers
-Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve Vs. Logical Genocide
-Alice's Wonder Team Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy
-Hayley's Comets Vs. Brock Sampson's Murderflies
-Xavier's Annihilation Squad Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade

Play-Off Semi-Finals

Points: 700
Prize: Purple Lightsaber & Aircraft Carrier
Setting: The Play-Off Planet

-Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. The Untouchables
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. TEAM
-Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. George Washington's Slaves
-Better Than All of You Vs. The Right Wing

Season Three: Consolation Matches: Week 1: PMS vs. The Abomitrons

PMS is Blue Devil & Storm Trooper #49

The Abomitrons are Mario, Luigi & Ewok #47


Mario and Luigi are beyond excited to be in a Zelda game. It has been a dream of theirs ever since the first Legend of Zelda game came out. They remember the day they first played that game like it was yesterday. The complexity of it all just made their heads spin. As they walked through the gorgeous looking castle, they wondered who they were going to be playing today. They were naturally hoping it would be another video game character, as they loved to play against other characters like themselves.

The brothers Mario were wondering if there was going to be any power ups or mushrooms in the castle, as they felt kind of bare without even a fire suit for protection. The two brothers who were walking with Ewok #47 were enjoying their time in the castle, taking in the sights and feel of the place.

The three of them were having a grand old time when out of nowhere, a large amount of noise began to fill the building. The Abomitron members each grabbed a sword from the wall and waited for an attack. They could hear the noises coming from everywhere, but still they could not see anything. Then from up above, Mario was shot in the arm from a blaster rifle. Mario dropped his sword and grabbed his arm. Luigi tended to his brother and before either of them could stop him, the Ewok went running up stairs to find the person that shot his teammate.

The Strom Trooper could hear someone coming for him but he was not worried. He was confident in his training and didn’t doubt himself for a second. The Ewok charged the trooper but before he was able to inflict any damage, he was shot several times in the stomach. As the Ewok lied dying on the ground, he managed to throw his spear into the leg of the Storm Trooper, damaging his armor. The spear didn’t actually go through his leg, but it did leave one heck of a hole in the white leg gear.

Mario had since stood up and had Luigi wrap his arm. He was shot in his left arm, which meant he was still able to hold a sword in his right hand. The two Italian brothers were walking through the castle in an attempt to locate their opponent. They figured that the Ewok died on his mission to find Mario’s attacker, so they didn’t even bother to go after him. After the rough season that the Abomitron members had this year, they had gotten used to the idea of just trying to end their matches as soon as possible. Usually the longer the match dragged on, the less chance they seemed to have at winning.

Mario and Luigi finally made contact with their opponent, immediately wishing that they had stayed hidden. Mario turns to his brother and says, “Oh I remember this guy, I always thought he was kind of a stupid character”. Luigi then replied to Mario and said, “Really, I always thought he was kind of awesome. I mean, I want to kill him right now, but I thought he was always a pretty cool character”.

Blue Devil then looked at both of them and said, “You do know I can hear you right?” They both shook their heads and then tried to attack the blue colored demon with little success. Blue Devil took a couple hits from the brothers’ swords, but his healing factor quickly took care of that. He then looked at Mario’s arm and realized that he was injured. This made him turn his attention to Luigi, as he plunged his trident directly into the face of the now dead plumber.

Mario is now furious, as he really hates it when someone kills his brother. Mario then picks up Luigi’s sword and jam’s both swords into the stomach of his opponent. Blue Devil let’s out a loud cry and screams “No” very loudly. He then looks down at Mario and says, “I’m just kidding, I mean it did hurt, but not that bad”. Blue Devil then snaps Mario’s neck and pulls both swords out of his stomach. He waits a minute for his wounds to heal and then walks over to the center of the castle and calls up to his teammate.

Blue Devil: “Hey man, you can come down. It’s all over.”

The Storm Trooper walks down with his helmet off. He has a look of disappointment on his face.

Blue Devil: “Hey man, why so blue? (Laughs at his own comment) I don’t have a choice in the matter but what’s up with you?”

Storm Trooper #49: “That stupid Ewok busted up my leg armor.”

Blue Devil: (With complete sarcasm) “Oh wow, that’s terrible man. You gonna be okay?”

Storm Trooper #49: “Come on man, this stuff’s not cheap.”

Blue Devil: “Not cheap, you get if for free.”

Storm Trooper #49: “Yeah, your first set of armor is free. After that though, it is up to you to take care of the up keep.”

Blue Devil: “Don’t sweat it man, just let me make you a new set. I’m sure I could make something better then that suit anyways.”

Storm Trooper #49: “Yeah, I suppose you’re right.”

Blue Devil: “Plus, we just won the Star Sapphire ring. You never know, maybe you’ll get it.”

Storm Trooper #49: “I don’t want that thing, I already wear this ridiculous suit of armor, what do you think they would say about me if I had one of those rings.”

Blue Devil: “Trust me man, you could put on Batman’s costume and people would still be making fun of you.”

Storm Trooper #49: “Wow, I really love being on this team. I wonder why we only won two games this season?”

Blue Devil: “Probably because of you man, I mean, you let an Ewok injure your armor didn’t you?”

Storm Trooper #49 begins to reply back when he realizes that shutting up is probably the only way this conversation is ever going to end.

The Abomitrons: All Dead

PMS: Blue Devil and Storm Trooper #49 both survived. (Well, unless you count Storm Trooper #49’s pride, that was damaged quite extensively.)

PMS is Victorious!!!