Saturday, June 30, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Stan Lee Conference Finals: Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyaatches vs Team Sleeping Pussy
Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches are: Darth Vader, Doomsday, Wolverine with S.P.I.N. Tech, Michael Myers w/red lightsaber, Hermione Granger w/magic lamp, Living Tribunal, One-Above-All, Gambit w/magnaguard electrostaff, Dark Phoenix, Magog w/Green Lantern ring, In-Betweener, Oblivion, Black Lantern Parallax, Black Lantern Apocalypse, Cosmic Hulk Robot, Peraxxus, Korvac, Zombie Superman, Life Model Decoys #1-3, and Stormtrooper #15 with Ferengi energy whip all aboard the Death Star.
Team Sleeping Pussy is: Silver Surfer w/Green Lantern Ring, Kang the Conqueror, Dr Manhattan, Mimic, Silk Spectre I with Blue Lightsaber, Silk Spectre II with Blue Lightsaber, Roy Batty w/green lightsaber & Mandalorian armor, Bullseye w/red lightsaber, Dr Strange w/Mithril vest, Planetary; Elijah Snow, Jakita Wagner, The Drummer, & Ambrose Chase, Wild C.A.T.S.; Spartan, Voodoo, Grifter, Zealot, Warblade, Maul, Lord Emp, & Void, Black Lantern Kyle Rayner, S.D. Bob "Snake" Plissken w/Green Lantern Ring, Zombie Mephisto, Unus the Untouchable, Black Lantern Mr. Fantastic, Black Lantern Leeloo, Deathbird, Kahn Noonien Singh w/blue lightsaber, Dark Beast, Cloak and Dagger, Binary, Obi Wan Kenobi's Spirit, Brood Queen, Jubilee, and E. Honda.
The rivalry between Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches and Team Sleeping Pussy predates the Fantasy Fantasy League itself. The two team owners, closest of friends, have clashed over a great many of things throughout their time as hetero-life partners. But none more viciously as what we are about to be witness to here in the Stan Lee Conference Finals. The Backyardigans have a near immaculate record against the Pussies during these past first five years of the League. Though, unlike any time before now not only do they meet in the Playoffs, but they shall do battle for the right to proudly wave the flag into the Universe Bowl for their Conference. These two teams are short of pep rallies and speeches; instead, they waste no time searching one another out in this galactic sized confrontation.
"KANG!! WHERE ARE YOU???!!! COME CONQEUROR!! COMES SEE HOW YOU FARE AGAINST PERAXXUS, DESTROYER OF WORLDS!!!!" screams one of the newest additions to Beckerman's impressive roster of talent.
His words echo across the Playoff Planet, where Kang has assembled a small team to assist him in his latest machinations.
"This is the information Kang has been able to gather," begins the Conqueror. "The entire roster of what we're up against is unclear, but these are the pieces that shall be utilized and lead us to glory."
The team looks over what Kang has brought them.
"I recognize some of this from my Planetary guides," says Elijah Snow. "Some heavy, heavy hitter. You sure about this, Rama?"
"Kang is always sure, are you sure that your man can assist Kang with his device?" the time traveler retorts.
"Drums is the best I got, he's already on it,” responds Snow. “What about that madman screaming for you, Kang? Shouldn't you deal with that?"
Kang smirks. "Feh. Kang has more important things to deal with than the latest destroyer of the moment. Why don't you and the rest of your underlings go and handle the light work. Kang still has much to prepare."
"Well, since you asked SO nicely" grimaces Snow, and with that he, Ambrose Chase and Jakita Wagner go off to face Peraxxus while The Drummer remains behind with Kang and black lantern Kyle Rayner to work on Kang's latest master-weapon.
The Planetary trio finds the new 52 villain and engages him. Ambrose Chase slows time around the mighty behemoth, allowing Jakita Wagner's mighty punches to be landing with what seems to be super speed. This staggers the giant, dropping him to his knees. Snow then notices that Peraxxus seems to be bleeding. He studies the time displaced creature and begins lowering Peraxxus' internal body temperature. Snow eventually succeeds in completely freezing the destroyer's heart, giving Wagner the opportunity to punch her fist right through his heart, completely shattering it and killing Peraxxus.
Exhausted from the effort, Snow looks at his teammates "Well…the easy… part is… over. On to the tough stuff.” The group goes to the next part of Team Sleeping Pussy's battle plan.
While this is going on, the work on Kang's super-weapon is interrupted when Oblivion finds the group.
"Right on time," sneers Kang. "Kyle. If you will."
"Of course. Been meaning to take this back," growls Kyle. He aims his ring at Oblivion and begins to absorb the creature. Kyle begins glowing and smiles "Home again, home again," he mocks as Oblivion is returned back to where he came from, the dark, evil part of Kyle Rayner's mind.
"Drummer. Report!" exclaims Kang.
"It's as you thought, the absorption of the creature has overpowered our black lantern. He's at near god-like powers now," the Drummer informs.
"And the device?" asks Kang.
"Is ready and should work, provided you get the final component," replies The Drummer as he hands Kang a large backpack type device with a gauntlet.
"Excellent. Be off to assist your comrades, they'll need you. Kang shall give this a proper test run," says Kang as he puts on his latest creation.
Drummer departs, leaving Kang alone with Black Lantern Kyle/Oblivion. "For GLORY!" he cries as he fires a blast at his teammate/adversary, causing him to vanish leaving his black lantern ring on the floor. Kang quickly puts the ring on the hand opposite the gauntlet.
"Now to make sure it works" says Kang as he triggers the gauntlet while the black ring begins to reform its original host. Suddenly, the reformation stops, and the energy begins to envelope Kang. The descendent of Reed Richards lurches forward for a moment as the energy overwhelms him.
He hacks several times as it consumes him. But Kang regains his posture, arches back and yells into the heavens, "YYYYYYEEEEEEESSSSSS!!!" THE POWER!!! THE ABSOLUTE POWER!!!! THIS SHALL BE KANG'S GREATEST HOUR!!!!"
With the effort it takes a person to blink, Kang is instantly transported to the moment he's thinking of; Planetary's battle with the In-Betweener.
Things have not gone well for Planetary, as the In-Betweener has quickly and neatly destroyed the entire team. He looks as the near omnipotent Kang appears.
"I have been expecting you," he calmly says to Kang.
"As you should have. For the moment of you death is near.”
The In-Betweener extends his hand out and attempts to vaporize Kang, but the time traveler is prepare for such an attempt. He uses his gauntlet and manages to absorb the energy blast. One that should have thoroughly annihilated him. “My power now supersedes yours. Any last words?" snarls the near omnipotent Kang.
"Just a question. What next? After you dispatch me, what will you do?" asks the In-Betweener.
"What do you mean? Victory. I will celebrate victory!" says Kang. "I have seen the proof. I destroy you."
The In-Betweener floats there with his arms crossed. "You may, but is you victory assured? Are you certain this is your day? For we have more dangerous weapo-"
"Enough of your tactics. DIE!" screams Kang as he obliterates the In-Betweener.
Kang then notices the Death Star, orbiting the site of his latest bloodbath.
"A fitting throne for Kang," he thinks, and with that sets off to overtake the ominous space station.
Back on the Playoff Planet below, the majority of this battle is being contained within the city limits as the Backyardigans are being swarmed by the sheer number of Team Sleeping Pussy’s forces. They are dealing with virtually a two to one deficit right now with the fact that most of the Backyardigan’s god-like beings have yet to make their presence even known at this time.
A torrential downpour has begun, soaking the moonlit city as the trio of Bullseye, Silk Spectre I and her daughter, Silk Spectre II have found themselves down a dark alley with Michael Myers unwaveringly stalking them. Bullseye leaps into action quickly, firing used syringes, broken beer bottles, nails; whatever projectiles he can get his hands on in this decrepit alley at the killer. They all find their mark, but none slow Myers down. The dark, dank corridor is then illuminated by the trio’s lightsabers as they go to try and take Michael out. The original Silk Spectre races in and swings her lightsaber, but Michael stops the attack and picks Sally up by her wrist. He then ignites his lightsaber just as he brings his other hand across, slicing her head clean off. Michael whips the severed head at Sally’s daughter, who infuriately leaps into action.
“You’re going to pay for that one monster,” Silk Spectre says as she runs in, jumps up and kicks off the side of a building and lands a hard boot to Michael’s masked face. He staggers backwards.
The ground shakes from the powerful thunder that is followed closely by the crack of massive lightning bolt. She swings her lightsaber and connects with her opponent, cleaving off Myers’s left arm. His lightsaber drops No scream, no grunt, nothing. This almost supernatural force doesn’t stop attacking. He knocks Laurie’s blue hued lightsaber from her hand and knocks her to the wet cement and then stomps on her back. Bullseye tries to aid his teammate but is kicked through a window. Silk Spectre II tries to crawl away but Michael grabs her by her long brunette hair and yanks her back up. He then viciously smashes her face into the corner of a rusted dumpster. It sounds like someone smashing a pumpkin with a baseball bat as her beautiful face just caves in from the impact. He slams it against the corner several more times before dropping Laurie’s body. Bullseye picks up several pieces of the broken window and flings them through the air at Michael Myers. They dig into the back of the killer, but again don’t stop him.
“Come on! Bring it you son of a b!#@$” Bullseye yells definitely as he knows now that he cannot stop this seemingly unstoppable force.
Michael Myers picks his lightsaber back up with his one still attached arm and walks towards Bullseye. There is then a bright green flash that instantly explodes Myers completely. His blood and organs spray all over Bullseye as he sits there shocked, in the floor of the cell phone store that he was thrown through earlier.
“Bullseye,” quips Snake Plissken as he floats down to the alley below, and motions towards Bullseye as they both run out into the street where they see Zombie Mephisto blasting Cosmic Hulk Robot with his evil magic. “This ain’t our party,” grumbles Snake as he uses his Green Lantern ring to fly Bullseye and himself away from this fight.
The Cosmic Hulk Robot digs his feet into the street and continues his path towards the zombified version of Mephisto. The Hulk Robot grabs a hold of the decomposing demon and savagely rips them out of their sockets. He then ironically chomps down on Zombie Mephisto’s head and feasts on his decaying innards.
The rain continues to beat down on the combatants as the war between the Backyardigans and Sleeping Pussies intensifies. The Wild C.A.T.s are locked in a hellacious battle with Korvac in the University of Fantasy football stadium. Korvac hovers high above the 50 yard line as his opponents converge on him. He arrogantly smirks as he fires a blast of cosmic energy at the Wild C.A.T.s muscle, Maul, sending him crashing into a goal post. This however enrages the human-titanthrope hybrid. Maul smashes his fist into the end zone and lets out a loud roar as he increases his size to the point where he is as tall as the stadium itself. Maul rushes towards Korvac and slaps him out of the air, sending the cosmic being tumbling into the stands. Korvac regains his balance quickly and blasts towards the enormous giant. He uses the power cosmic to rip open Maul’s chest. Korvac flies into Maul’s torso.
“AAAAARRRRRGGHHHHHH!!!!!” Maul screams in agony, sending tremors throughout the stadium, as he drops to his knees.
Cosmic energy then begins to pour out of Maul’s mouth as blood pours out of his eyes, nose and ears. The giant falls dead on the field. A bubble forms on his back and it bursts with cosmic energy as Korvac climbs out of Maul’s body. The cosmic-imbued computer technician is covered in Maul’s blood as he turns to face his foes. His eyes glow with his cosmic energy as he sees Warblade lunging at him. The rain glistens off of his organic steel claws as Warblade slashes Korvac across the chest.
“Rrrrraaaaa, I’ll kill you for what you did to Maul!” exclaims and enraged Warblade.
Korvac clutches his chest with one hand and extends the other towards Warblade. “Heh, delusions of grandeur,” quips Korvac as he uses his cosmic abilities to warp Warblade’s claws to their limits and impaling the Wild C.A.T.s member with his own blades. The green-haired warrior crumples to the ground, his blood soaking into the field-turf, mingling with the pool that has formed from Maul’s carcass.
“Now… who’s next?” Korvac asks.
The Wild C.A.T.s answer in unison as they attack from all sides. They swarm the cosmic being, but Korvac releases a cosmic pulse that blasts everyone back into the stands. The Wild C.A.T.s leader, Spartan, bursts out from the stands and nails Korvac with stream of energy. Korvac is knocked from a top Maul’s corpse and onto his back. Spartan lands in front of him and Michael with several punches. The cosmic being retaliates by simply blowing a massive hole through the android’s torso. He then grabs Spartan by the face as slowly releases some cosmic energy, literally melting Spartan’s face off.
“ENOUGH!!!!!” screams Voodoo. She raises her hands in the air, closes her eyes and focuses.
Michael Korvac spasms as his head jerks backwards. He screams in agony. Blood begins to leak out of his ears as Voodoo increases her concentration.
“You are finished, Michael,” says Voodoo.
Korvac drops to the ground on all fours, coughing up blood. He then looks up at Voodoo and responds, “No! You’re finished you whore!” With the last bit of his power he lets loose a blast of cosmic energy right at Voodoo.
“Voodoo, look out!” yells Void in an uncharacteristically show of emotion. Void flies in front of Voodoo and is incinerated by the blast.
Voodoo, then uses her magnetic powers to bring a chunk of the devastated stadium down upon Korvac’s body, just for good measure.
High above the wet streets, the spirit of Obi Wan Kenobi is confronted with the blue image of Dr. Manhattan on the rooftop of one of The Play-off Planet's highest buildings as the rain continues to hammer down on the planet.
“This is where you tell me that you do not wish to be made “whole” again for this match,” says Manhattan, to the translucent Jedi Master.
“I cannot deny that it felt good to have a physical form again or that it was not beneficial to our team, but I do not feel right manipulating the force in such a way,” replies Kenobi.
“But it is certain that you can be convinced to do this one more time,” answers Manhattan.
Kenobi retorts, “If this is true, and you are so certain of the future, than it only makes sense that you would save my “one more time” for The Universe Bowl next week. That is after all going to be our team's most dire occasion.”
Dr. Manhattan then begins telling Obi Wan, what he already “knows” to be the truth, “But this is our greatest match. Team Sleeping Pussy doesn't make The Universe Bowl. This future has both already happened, yet simultaneously will never come to fruition. We will lose to Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyaatches in this match and it is they who will go on to the Universe Bowl. We will continue to be a play-off contender next season, and you and I will have similar conversations in the future. You will tell me that the future has not yet been decided, despite me telling you what is going to happen, before you and the others have witnessed it.”
Obi Wan realizes that his body is whole again, while Dr. Manhattan finishes, “Now go and do the damage that we both know you were destined to do in this form.”
In a flash of blue, Dr. Manhattan then disappears as Obi Wan notices a skirmish already in progress that requires his immediate attention. Obi Wan leaps from building top to building top toward the area where Silver Surfer is battling with both Zombie Superman, who attacks from the air and The Cosmic Hulk Robot who attacks from the peak of another skyscraper. As Obi Wan appears on the scene, the rooftop door opens up and another of their teammates, E. Honda, joins the fight as well. The massive sumo can barely squeeze through the door that leads to the rooftop, but once he does make it through, he moves as swiftly as any other Street Fighter. E. Honda front-flips in to action and begins pushing back the strange Hulk manifestation with his fast moving palm attack, but Cosmic Hulk “Smashes puny Sumo” with a jump that leads into a powerful foot to the head. The crack of E. Honda’s vertebrae could be heard for blocks as he is taken out of this equation. Obi Wan begins squaring up The Cosmic Hulk Robot and ignites the lightsaber that suddenly appeared along with his human form (Kenobi finds it curious that the lightsaber he is wielding is not the one he had when he died at the hands of Darth Vader; but his original push button model that he lost on Naboo, while fighting Darth Maul when he was just a Padawan).
Obi Wan notices that Zombie Superman and Silver Surfer are locked in an intense battle in the sky, when he catches a glimpse from his teammate, the Surfer. All it takes is this one glance for Obi Wan and Silver Surfer to know what they need to do to outsmart these two powerful yet logic-lacking opponents. As Kenobi and Robot Hulk inch closer to one another, Surfer draws Zombie Superman off to his opposite side with some green energy blasts. Silver Surfer and the Zombie Kryptonian than begin racing towards one another in what is sure to be an explosive game of chicken, when it becomes apparent that the center of their crash spot will be the exact spot where Obi Wan and Cosmic Hulk are about to have their showdown. As the two powerhouses are about to hit, Obi Wan side-steps the two of them and puts his lightsaber in the perfect path of Zombie Supes' neck. The Zombie does most of the work as he is flying at such an extreme rate, that the lightsaber has very little trouble sawing through the rotting Kryptonian Flesh.
The “Green Surfer”, as he is now occasionally called in The Sleeping Pussy Locker Room instead makes his collision with The Cosmic Hulk Robot. After the initial collision, Cosmic Hulk actually knocks Surfer from his board, and the two of them both start free-falling towards the ground, while pounding on each other with punches that would turn any brick wall in to dust. They are only about ten feet from the ground when Surfer lays down a cosmic-infused-green-energy-laced-uppercut that would have sent a normal person up out of the atmosphere. The Cosmic Hulk Robot falls to the ground dead, while Silver Surfer's telepathically linked surf board swoops under and catches him right before he hits the ground. Silver Surfer then cruises back up toward the city skyline at slightly less than the speed of sound just as Obi Wan Kenobi back flips off of the top of the building where the battle began and lands gracefully on the back of Norrin's board.
As they race off to where they are needed next on the battlefield they converse with one another.
“I grow tired of proving Dr. Manhattan wrong” comments Silver Surfer to his Jedi teammate.
“That's curious” begins Obi Wan, “I'm just starting to get used to it.”
As the Death Star slowly makes its approach upon the Playoff Planet, Darth Vader surveys the battle via the remote feeds courtesy of the numerous probe droids that have been dispatched to the surface. His fists clench as he sees several of his high ranking officers fall to the members of Team Sleeping Pussy. His labored breathing becomes increasingly forced and audible. The anger is seething out of him. Pablo the Penguin then jumps up on top of one of the several consoles, screaming obscenities. As he continues to watch the devastation that is transpiring down on the Planet, Vader without breaking his focus raises his hand towards Pablo and lifts him in the air with the power of the Force.
“Aaakkkkkk, dduuuuddde…. Vadderrr yuuurrrr ccccchooookkkiinngg mmmmmee,” Pablo gasps as Vader tightens his Force choke on the foul-mouthed Penguin. “Ffffffuuuccccccckkk yyyyoooo….” Sparks begin to shoot out of Pablo’s eyes as the propeller on his beanie spins out of control. The vulgarness of Pablo is silenced by the crunch of metal as Lord Vader crumbles him into a ball and Force pushes him aside.
“Hmmmm…” Vader grumbles to himself, “Didn’t know that was a Life Model Decoy. Pity.”
The-One-Above-All sits at the Overbridge conference table, having taken on the appearance of Sir Ridley Scott, chuckles to himself at this display of frustration. He stands up and walks towards the Sith Lord.
With a British accent he speaks, “Lord Vader, you worry too much. This is but a small part of the bigger picture.”
The door to the Overbridge hisses open as Dark Phoenix saunters in. She walks up to Darth Vader and slides her hand across his chest plate. Vader grabs her hand and coldly removes it from his chest.
“If you would my dear,” is all Vader says to Dark Phoenix.
The Phoenix Force-corrupted Jean Grey scowls at Vader and flies out of the room. Within seconds she flies out of the Death Star and down towards the Playoff Planet.
Lord Vader now turns his attention to Ridley Scott, “I see faith in your eyes,” he says to the god. “But I won’t hear the discouraging lies; I’ll hear that faith in your cries. Broken will be the promise, betrayal will follow the god that failed.” Vader then turns his attention back to the monitors as The-One-Above-All exits the Overbridge.
The all-powerful god walks down a hallway, pausing ever so often to admire the awe-inspiring artwork of Ross Andru that adorn the interior walls of the Death Star. Each one, immortalizing a different moment in the Backyardigans’ illustrious history. He turns his attention to a closed door and smiles to himself as he continues on his way.
Behind said closed door, in one of the luxury suites reserved for the veterans of the Backyardigans, Stormtrooper #15 slowly awakes in his bed still in a state of euphoria from the events of the previous evening. His bright white helmet hangs on the bedpost as the rest of his armor is strewn about the room, along with a Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry uniform. He rolls over and gently kisses the forehead of his companion, knowing that soon, he will have to take the battlefield for what surely will be his final outing. The kiss rouses his bedmate; she opens her eyes and bats her eyelashes at him.
“Why hello there,” Hermione Granger says to Stormtrooper #15 as she leans in and kisses him ever so softly.
He sensually kisses her back and then sits up to prepare for battle. She stretches out on the bed for a moment then rolls over to her side. The Stormtrooper looks back at the witch to see that the black satin bed sheet is only barely covering Hermione’s body. She reaches over and picks something up off of the table next to the bed.
“You know you’re getting pretty handy with this thing,” says Hermione with a wink as she turns his Ferengi Energy Whip on.
She then holds onto the sheet as she rolls over onto her back.
“I swear you had a Mobilicorpus spell on me last night,” she jokes.
“Yeah, I don’t know what that means,” he replies to her as he stands up from the bed. “The only one I know, and this is only because you reminded me of it several times was, what was it again? Oh yeah… Locomotor Mortis. Looks like that spells been lifted.”
She blushes and chuckles a bit. “What can I say, the Backyardigans need to win this Championship and I’m doing what I have to do to ensure of that outcome.”
“Ha! Wait, so you sleeping with me ensures that we win a Championship? I don’t get it, but I ain’t arguing,” replies the Stormtrooper. He then climbs back on top of top of Hermione and starts to kiss her once more. “It’s pretty cool that they gave me the L.M.D. of you to have fun with, though I didn’t think that they could replicate powers as well. But what do I know?”
A couple Imperial officers walk by the room and hear Hermione say several spells in succession, “Duro! Engorrio!! Erecto!!!! Oh hell…. Descendo.”
One of the officers presses his ear up against the door trying to get a better listen to the witch’s moans, but she hears them from the other side of the door and shouts “Evanesco!!” The two Imperial officers disappear in a puff of smoke.
It only takes Dark Phoenix a matter of minutes to tear through space and scorch the planet’s atmosphere as she enters the fray. The fiery red-head lands in the middle of what was once the shopping district of the city. However, now there is nothing but death and destruction. The nearby mall has been reduced to a mangled mess of jagged glass and broken concrete. She looks around, and sees an offensive beginning to mount against her. Dark Phoenix rises up into the air as she arrogantly cracks her knuckles. She rolls her head across her shoulders, cracking the joints in her neck as well.
“Ok, children,” she says. “Time for your spanking.”
Roy Batty rockets towards the villain, courtesy of his Mandalorian armor. He ignites his green lightsaber; however Dark Phoenix returns the favor and ignites Roy Batty. The replicant bursts into a fireball as he crashes into a nearby semi-truck. The gas tank explodes as the fire continues to consume the former leader of Nexus-6.
One of Team Sleeping Pussy’s most battle hardened veterans, Mimic, then leads a makeshift team of “X-Men” against the cosmic force. But Dark Phoenix isn’t easily impressed.
“You want my power, Calvin?” she asks Mimic. “Then HAVE IT!!!”
Mimic grabs his head and lets out a painful howl as he drops to the ground. “Noooo, it’s…..it’s too much. I…. I can’t control it. Please stop. Please.”
“What’s the matter Calvin? I thought you liked taking other people’s powers and claiming them for your own? Don’t you want absolute power?”
The pain that the power overload is causing Mimic reduces him down to his hands and knees. He involuntarily vomits onto the destroyed street. She then intensifies her powers upon Mimic, causing him to spasm back.
“AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!” Mimic screams.
His teammates try to intervene, but Jean keeps them at bay with her powers. She lifts Dark Beast high into the air with her telekinesis and slowly burns his fur away. Jean turns her attention back to Mimic who continues to writhe in agony.
“You have no idea what power is Calvin,” she remarks. “Pathetic.” Dark Phoenix then unleashes the Phoenix Force upon Mimic, which engulfs him in flames. His angelic wings spread out into the air as they are consumed by the cosmic flames. His charred corpse drops to the ground as Jean continues her torment of her foes.
“Oh Hank, Hank, Hank. Dignity, dear, dignity,” she comments as the evil version of Hank McCoy screams in anguish as Dark Phoenix toys with him. She then focuses her powers internally, and boils Dark Beast’s blood from the inside. His screams quickly turn into shrieks as the pain reaches unbearable levels. She then looks Unus the Untouchable right in the eye and smirks as she uses the Phoenix Force to explode Dark Beast.
“We’re never going to be able to defeat her,” Unus frighteningly says to Jubilee as they take cover behind a burnt and rusted out car.
She turns to Unus and replies, “We have to.” Jubilee then leaps over the car and lunges at Dark Phoenix. She taps into the full potential of her powers and fires an immense amount multi-colored energy plasmoids at the corrupted cosmic being. Dark Phoenix flies through the air and slams into a close by restaurant.
Jubilee looks back at her teammate and says, “See. We can take her.”
The restaurant then explodes from within as the fire of the Phoenix Force intensifies.
“You wretched little creature,” growls Dark Phoenix. “You have no idea the forces that you deal with.”
“Get behind me Jubilee, my force field will protect us,” Unus says.
Dark Phoenix begins to laugh at Unus’s comment. “Please.”
She then pulls her arms back before shooting them forwards. Cosmic energy erupts from Dark Phoenix. Unus quickly turns and wraps his arms around Jubilee. He concentrates as hard as he can, trying to push his control over his powers just as Team Sleeping Pussy’s Head Coach, Alexander Luthor, instructed him to do. To the surprise of the possessed Jean Grey, Unus’s force field is holding.
“Grrrrrrrrr…” Dark Phoenix grows as she grows increasingly angry. “Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!”
She spreads her arms out and arches back as the power of the Phoenix just spews out of her. Beads of sweats are rolling down Unus’s face as he tries to hold back the power. His back suddenly then stiffens as his eyes pop open.
“Huuukk…” Unus groans. He looks down at Jubilee who is still being shielded in his arms. “I….. aaaaam, sorry I was… not stronger,” he says seconds before the Phoenix Force overwhelms him and breaks through his force field.
The cosmic fire blisters Unus’s back before burning a hole through and out the front of his chest. His eyes and mouth glow a bright orangish-yellow as the back of his head breaks away into dust. The cosmic energy erupts through Unus and vaporizes Jubilee in an instant. Dark Phoenix begins to laugh again as she leaves utter devastation in her wake.
There is another conflict of cosmic proportions that is beginning to unravel on one of the Playoff Planet’s small moons. Dr. Manhattan had been quietly meditating when he is disrupted by the presence of the Living Tribunal. The god stands before the former Jon Osterman and speaks to him through the face of “Equity.”
“This confrontation has already been decided. This, you know,” says the Living Tribunal. “I have been sent here by my master, The-One-Above-All, to speak to you upon this matter. This battle is one of mortals. Not of gods like us. The thought of beings such as you and I doing battle over petty trinkets such as a Championship, is meaningless.”
Dr. Manhattan continues to silently meditate as The-One-Above-All (still in his Ridley Scott form) teleports in a flash of white light behind the Living Tribunal.
With his eyes still closed in meditation, Dr. Manhattan begins to speak, “You know, it’s funny. Throughout the history of this League, gods like you have done nothing but try and cancel me out with either pleas of arrogant hierarchy or sacrificing themselves for their teams’ goals.”
He then opens his eyes, staring right at the Living Tribunal, “But do you know what?” Dr. Manhattan then lifts his hand up and eradicates Ridley Scott from existence. “I’m tired of being reasoned with.”
He then stands up as the Living Tribunal takes several steps back in shock at the smoking crater that was once The-One-Above-All.
“Master!! Master!!” screams the Living Tribunal as his heads rotate around to reveal the face of “Vengeance.”
“End of passion play, crumbling away. I'm your source of self-destruction Tribunal,” says Dr. Manhattan. He then blasts the Living Tribunal with his cosmic energy. The multi-faced god puts his arms up and blocks the blast, but it causes several fissures in his golden skin. “Veins that pump with fear. Sucking darkest clear, leading on your death's construction,” Manhattan continues.
He then, devoid of warning, Dr. Manhattan vanishes. The Living Tribunal follows suit and vanishes from the moon. They both however rematerialize out in space itself. They both have grown exponentially, dwarfing the Death Star and the Playoff Planet alike. Dr. Manhattan grabs a hold of the Living Tribunal by the face and pushes his azure thumbs deep into the face of “Vengeance’s” eyes. Cosmic energy erupts from the god as Manhattan continues his assault.
“Blinded by me, you can't see a thing. Just call my name because I'll hear you scream,” Dr. Manhattan boldly says to his foe.
The Living Tribunal’s screams are heard across the cosmos as Dr. Manhattan channels his energy into his opponent. The shockwave that bursts forth from the Living Tribunal’s exploding body sends tremors racing across the nearby planet.
“Fire,” orders a Darth Vader from the Overbridge of the Death Star.
There is an audible hum that emanates from the concave dish on the Death Star. “Interesting,” Dr. Manhattan says to himself as he slowly turns his head around to see something that, for whatever reason, he was not expecting yet.
Eight tributary laser beams then converge in the middle, into one massive green super laser and hits Dr. Manhattan square in the back before he could defend himself. The blast impacts the massive sized Manhattan with such force that he is completely de-atomized to the point where even he could not reform himself.
“Just another example of one unable to comprehend the full potential of the Force,” Darth Vader says as he watches Dr. Manhattan violently blown apart by the Death Star’s super laser.
Down below on the planet’s surface, practically every combatant stops dead in their tracks as the sequential cosmic explosions rip through the heavy rain clouds that hang over them. The rain stops, but only to intensify exponentially due to the radical atmospheric change from the explosions.
Silver Surfer and the solidified spirit of Obi Wan Kenobi fly down to a deserted hospital, where several members of their team have regrouped. The rain hisses as it falls through the massive holes in the building’s roof and hits the multiple lightsabers that are being wielded by Team Sleeping Pussy. Obi Wan leaps off of Norrin’s surfboard as he rockets back up into the sky.
“Where the hell is he going?!” exclaims Bullseye, who normal cocky demeanor has be shaken after witnessing the relentless savagery of Michael Myers.
“That explosion that we just saw was the demise of Dr. Manhattan. Silver Surfer intends on dealing with the culprit and fulfilling a promise he made to Manhattan,” responds Kenobi.
“Great. Game over man!” shouts Bullseye.
There is then a loud and ferocious roar that arises from deep within the abandoned hospital.
“What the f*** was that?” a now severely startled Bullseye asks.
The wall behind the assassin explodes as Doomsday barrels through it. He crushes the Brood Queen beneath his mighty foot, smearing the alien like a cockroach into the ground and knocks Bullseye and Obi Wan Kenobi clear across the emergency room. Dagger back flips over a gurney and fires several of her light daggers at the monster, but to no avail. Black Lantern Leeloo tries to attack the beast but is thwarted just the same. He grabs the “perfect being” by the head and crushes it like a grape. Doomsday then stomps on the Black Lantern ring with such force, that it shatters, preventing it from re-growing Leeloo’s head. Binary stands her ground as Doomsday rushes towards her.
“Alright monster, let’s see you handle this,” Binary says as she discharges a gigantic burst of stellar energy at Doomsday.
The monster roars as this slows him down for a moment. But he continues his march. Doomsday puts his arm up towards his face to shield himself from the energy blast as he stomps his way closer to Binary. It grows even louder as Binary intensifies her efforts, but Doomsday snatches her up off of her feet and crushes her ribs with one hand. Carol screams in agony as the life is being crushed out of her. Doomsday then opens his jagged mouth and violently tears Binary’s upper half off of her body. Her blood pours from his mouth; the bright red liquid stains the boney protrusion jutting out of his chin.
“Tandy NO!” shouts Cloak as Dagger valiantly springboards up onto Doomsday’s back as he devours Carol Danvers.
Dagger rapid fires as many of her light daggers as she can into the back of Doomsday’s neck. She tries to leap off of him, but Doomsday is just as quick as he is strong. He catches her by the ankle and slams her down into the ground. Tiles shatter up into the air as he beats her into the ground. Cloak screams in anger as Doomsday devastates his teammate. Doomsday looks up at Cloak, grabs Dagger by both arms and ferociously rips both of her arms from her body. The stark white costume that the cute blonde wore, is now drenched in blood. Cloak opens his cape up as far as it can go as he leaps at the monster. He completely envelopes Doomsday into his cloak, sending him into the darkness dimension for all time, but Doomsday grabs a hold of Cloak’s cape and pulls him in on himself.
“Is this hell? Am I dead?” a shaken Bullseye asks himself as he climbs out of the destroyed emergency room.
“No, you’re not dead. And this is much, much worse than Hell I’m afraid,” replies Kenobi as he brushes the rubble from his Jedi robe. He looks over and sees what was once Binary, Dagger and the Brood Queen. “Come on let’s go. I fear our story doesn’t end here.”
Silver Surfer rockets through the air at near light speed on a collision course with the Death Star. However Magog flies in with a Green Lantern ring of his own and attempts to slow him down. A futile effort, as Silver Surfer annihilates him with a colossal wave of cosmic energy. The “Kirby crackle” washes over Magog as Surfer rips right through his disintegrating body. His ash plumes around Silver Surfer as he continues his mission towards the Death Star. Surfer nonetheless is finally held up as Dark Phoenix soars up and levels him with a dominant blast of cosmic energy.
“I was hoping I’d have the opportunity to send you to the graveyard, Surfer,” Dark Phoenix says as she attacks him again.
Norrin tumbles through space, hurtling further and further back with every blast of cosmic fire. He manages to right himself and cuts back. Using Dark Phoenix’s cosmic energy as a veritable wave, Silver Surfer rides through it, before kicking out and doubling up the Power Cosmic and his Green Lantern ring at his opponent. However the backwash of the colliding energies almost cause Surfer to be catapulted from his board, but he is able to hold on to the nose of his surfboard and ride the energy wave.
“Impressive show, Surfer,” growls Dark Phoenix. “But you aren’t even in the same league as the Phoenix Force!”
As she hovers in space, Dark Phoenix then extends her arms up as monstrous wave of cosmic fire shoots towards Silver Surfer. He angles in and rides across the fiery energy. Surfer then shoots straight up and out of the “wave,” he grabs a rail of his surfboard for stability and control over its rotation. He goes up and over and rockets towards Dark Phoenix.
He stares Dark Phoenix in her burning eyes and says, “You’re right. I’m not in the same league as the Phoenix. I’m way higher.”
Silver Surfer pulls back on his board, slowing him for a moment before shooting an intertwining braid of green willpower and the power cosmic. It impacts Dark Phoenix directly in her chest. Her screams are heard across 1,000 galaxies as she begins to glow white hot. Her body collapses in on itself like a black hole before exploding outwards in a supernova of cosmic energy.
Back aboard the Death Star, Hermione Granger quietly walks down a corridor back to the awaiting Stormtrooper #15 when, without warning, Kang teleports right in front of her.
“Heh isn’t this convenient,” Kang says as he stares at the witch.
She quickly, draws her wand and jumps back into a defensive stance. “Not as convenient as you’d like.” Hermione points her wand and yells “Confringo!” The spells shoots from her wand and explodes into flames upon impacting Kang, but he deflects the attack with his newly acquired powers.
“Please, child. Do you really think you can defeat Kang the Conqueror with your simple parlor tricks?” he asks Hermione. “I possess the power of a god now. You are nothing to me.”
Hermione smugly smirks as she replies, “Men. Always concerned with power and the size of their wand.” As spins around, her skirt flutters in the air, hair whipping around her face. She aims her wand again and shouts, “Serpensortia!”
With this spell, Hermione conjures a viper from her wand, she then exclaims “Oppugno!” which causes the viper to strike and attack Kang. The snake springs at him and latches onto his neck.
“Arrrrrggghh!!” screams Kang as the viper sinks its fangs into his neck. He yanks it off of him and uses his gauntlet to incinerate the snake.
Stormtrooper opens the door to his suite, still barely dressed, “Hey what’s all this commotion?” he asks as Kang fires a blast that barely misses his face. “WHOA!! What the hell dude!!”
Hermione leaps over and tackles the Stormtrooper into the room. “Darling, stay here. I’ve got to teach this incisive oaf some manners.” She then deeply kisses him before running out of the room. She slides across the corridor and yells “Deprimo!!”
The spell narrowly misses Kang and blows a hole through the wall beside him. The gauntlet on Kang’s hand begins to glow exponentially as he powers it up.
“I tire of this,” he conceitedly comments. “You shall die now!” Kang unleashes a potent blast of cosmic energy at the witch, but Stormtrooper rushes out of his room and valiantly leaps in front of Hermione.
Hermione quickly shouts “Impervius!” at the Stormtrooper, but the spell doesn’t reach him before the blast from Kang’s gauntlet does. It hits him square in the chest, scorching his unprotected skin. He crumples to the floor in front of Hermione. Seething anger quickly washes over Miss Granger as she sees the Stormtrooper fall before her. Kang powers up his gauntlet again, but Hermione screams “Expelliarmus,” which causes Kang’s gauntlet to rip from his body and across the corridor. She then quickly aims her wand at the weapon and shouts, “Expulso!!” causing the gauntlet to explode. The force of the explosion slams both Hermione and Kang up against opposing walls. The witch is the first to get to her feet and leaps into the air as she points her wand and exclaims “Petrificus Totalus!!”
She stands over the now bound Kang, who is frozen stiff on the ground. “Now, you son of a bitch… you die!” She then aims her wand and says “Defodio.”
The vengeance pours out of her words as the spell begins to brutally carve at Kang’s chest. His pupils enlarge as tears begin welling up in his eyes. Blood begins to spurt from Kang’s now exposed rib cage. He tries to scream, but do to the body-binding curse; only muffled moans of agony can be heard as Hermione rushes back to the Stormtrooper. The cosmic energy has already eaten away at a significant part of his torso.
Hermione cradles the Stormtrooper in her arms as blood trickles out of his mouth. He looks up and manages to reach up with his hand and wipe away the tears that are pouring down her face as he says, “You know, I don’t care… cough… if you’re just the Life Model Decoy of….cough… Hermione. Thank you… for making… my… time… here….speci……”
“You insufferable, undignified, classless, sod. I’m not a Life Model Decoy,” she says as her sobbing becomes uncontrollable as Stormtrooper #15’s eyes close as he finally reaches the Fantasy Fantasy Graveyard. “I can’t believe you actually managed to weasel your way into my heart, and now you have the audacity to go and die on me!”
She then gently kisses him on the forehead as she carefully lays his head down. “Damn you.”
Hermione then stands up and brushes the debris from her skirt and wipes the tears away from her face. “Ok, pull yourself together Granger, this isn’t over with yet.”
She then looks out a window and sees a green aura rapidly approaching the Death Star. She races down the corridor towards the Overbridge. The door hisses open as she rushes in.
“Lord Vader, we have a situation,” she says to her leader.
“Yes, I’m aware,” he replies. “I just felt a great disturbance in the Force. Is everything alright?”
Shocked by such a question, she responds, “Yes my lord, everything is fine.”
Vader walks towards her and places his hand on her shoulder, “Do not think that your resolve is lost on me, Miss Granger.” He then turns back to the monitors as Silver Surfer approaches.
Outside the Death Star, Silver Surfer slows to a stop. He goes to one knee on the deck of his surfboard and closes his eyes. The green aura surrounding his ring pulses and grows at an exponential rate. It slowly starts to consume the space in front of him and begins to take shape. The enormous construct takes the form of the World Devourer, Galactus. Surfer stands back up on his board and opens his eyes as he then coats the Galactus construct with the Power Cosmic.
“Now, you will pay for your transgressions Backyardigans,” Silver Surfer says as his construct attacks the Death Star.
The Galactus construct raises its hand up and slams it down on the Death Star, smashing a large portion of its exterior. The “Kirby crackle” courses through the green willpower construct as Silver Surfer himself soars around the Death Star at such high speeds that he just becomes a silver streak wrapping around the space station.
Inside, the attack is causing utter and complete devastation, as Hermione makes a judgment call.
“Lord Vader we need to get out of here, NOW!” Hermione exclaims as Vader defiantly stands his ground.
“No, this Surfer will not defeat the Backyardigans!” he shouts as he slams his fists down on the console.
“I’m not asking,” she replies. “Accio!!”
Hermione casts a summoning charm as the Death Star continues to be destroyed by the Galactus construct and Silver Surfer. Her magic lamp flies into the Overbridge and Hermione catches it. She concentrates and rubs the side of the lamp. She makes a wish to teleport Darth Vader and herself down to the Playoff Planet as the Galactus construct pushes his massive green energy fingers into a fault line he has caused. Silver Surfer focuses and has the construct pull the Death Star apart, though by doing so, sets off a chain reaction in its hypermatter reactor that causes an enormous explosion, destroying the Galactus construct and sending Silver Surfer hurtling down to the planet like a falling meteor.
After leaving Bullseye with the Binary and her squad, Snake Plissken went into the subway system that sprawls out underneath the decrepit city. There he finds himself surrounded by a pair of Black Lanterns and a couple of X-Men.
“Looks like you picked the wrong tunnel, eh homme?” asks Gambit as he lights his cigarette with a match he just struck on a concrete pillar.
SNIKT.
Wolverine’s claws pop from his knuckles, “Should have brought backup, bub,” he says to Snake.
“Call me Snake,” the one-eyed criminal says as he lights a cigarette of his own with his green lantern ring. He then creates two green energy semi-auto assault rifles and spray the area with construct bullets. Gambit cartwheels out of harm’s way as Wolverine gets shot down by several energy bullets.
“Grrrr, that’s gonna cost ya,” Wolverine growls as he gets back to his feet.
“Put it on my tab,” retorts Snake as he’s tackle down to the subway tracks.
Wolverine swipes at Snake with his claws, but Plissken evades the attack, sparks go everywhere as Logan slices through the iron tracks. The two battle back and forth as the solidified spirit of Obi Wan Kenobi leads a team down to aid Plissken.
Gambit fires several of his kinetically charged playing cards at Bullseye, knocking him into a turnstile. The remaining members of the Wild C.A.T.s, led by Kahn attack Black Lantern Apocalypse as Obi Wan’s is ambushed by Black Lantern Parallax. The undead fear entity consumes the energy that Dr. Manhattan had bestowed upon the spirit, returning it to its spectral form.
“Snake, now is the time,” the Obi Wan’s spirit says to his teammate.
Snake blast Wolverine off of him and fires a single bullet from an energy constructed sniper rifle. The combination of the Force from Kenobi’s spirit and the green willpower is enough to destroy the Black Lantern, but at the cost of Kenobi’s life as well.
Black Lantern Apocalypse continues to fend off Kahn and the Wild C.A.T.s as Gambit and Bullseye acrobatically battle throughout the station. The Black Lantern quickly asserts his power by catching one of Zealot’s spin kicks and yanking her up off of the ground. He then grabs a hold of her at her ankles
“Pathetic,” Black Lantern Apocalypse comments as he proceeds to tear Zealot in half.
Zealot’s screams echo throughout the subway tunnels, until death quickly silences them. Voodoo then uses her magnetic abilities to launch a subway car from the tracks right at the Black Lantern. Shards of metal explode outward as Black Lantern Apocalypse smashes his way out.
“FOOL! Your fate shall be no different than that of your ally,” asserts Black Lantern Apocalypse.
“Neither will yours monster,” says Kahn as he leaps up, spins in the air and, not only slices Apocalypse ring-bearing hand off, but his head as well.
Lord Emp then follows this attack up by blasting the ring into smithereens with a powerful energy blast. Gambit now not only is dealing with Bullseye’s attack, but Voodoo as well. The mutant kicks open a token dispenser and picks up a pile of subway tokens.
“Take a ride, pretty lady,” quips Gambit as he fires the charged tokens at the former exotic dancer.
His is then blindsided by Bullseye who puts several shards of glass into Gambit’s back. Bullseye now gets back much of his confidences and cockily struts towards the downed mutant. He ignites his red lightsaber jumps on top of Gambit.
“Heh, looks like X marks the spot,” jokes Bullseye as he is about to come down for the killing blow to Gambit.
But Remy moves out of the way and knocks Bullseye down. He then grabs a fist full of tokens, charges them and jams them into Bullseye’s mouth.
“Don’t let your mouth write checks your butt can’t cash, eh homme,” says LeBeau as he holds Bullseye’s mouth shut.
The tokens exploding inside Bullseye’s mouth, covering Gambit with blood and brain matter. Wolverine and Snake continue to battle it out down a pitch black subway tunnel. Snake tries to keep him at bay, but Wolverine overcomes the attack and slices Snake’s arm off at the elbow. He comes in close and drives his claws deep into Plissken’s abdomen.
“Sorry bub, but I ain’t stoppin’ til I get that Championship back,” Wolverine says as he drops Snake to the ground.
Wolverine then hears “Hey Logan! Could you a lil’ help here,” as Gambit is being attacked by the rest of Team Sleeping Pussy.
The Cajun blocks Kahn lightsaber swipe with his electrostaff. He then spins around and sweeps Kahn’s legs out from underneath him and drives the electrostaff into his neck, sending the genetically engineered tyrant to the graveyard. Gambit has to quickly leap out of the way from Grifter’s gunfire as Wolverine races in to aid his teammate. Logan fires his S.P.I.N. Tech at Grifter and tackles him to the ground. With a savage swing rips Grifter’s mask off with his claws. He however also takes about 60% of the front of Grifter’s head off. Wolverine’s is now in a full berserker rage now as he turns his attention to Lord Emp.
“RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAA!!!!” growls Wolverine as the two small and hairy men with anger issues and an affinity for cigars rush towards each other.
Logan lunges and digs his claws deep into the Kherubim’s stomach. He savagely tears out Emp’s intestines, spilling them all over the subway floor. He is then lifted into the air by Voodoo and her magnetic powers. She starts to pull on the adamantium grafted to Logan’s skeleton. He winces in pain, but does not yell.
“Oh no ya don’t,” says Gambit as he runs in, swooping up Bullseye’s red lightsaber and plunges it right between Voodoo’s shoulder blades.
“Thanks… Remy,” Logan says as he drops back to the ground, slightly out of breath from holding back the pain.
The duo rush up the subway stairs and back out to the torrential downpour that continues to hammer the Planet. They see a flash of light as Darth Vader and Hermione teleport to the street ahead of them. The X-Men duo run to join their newly arrived teammates but are ambushed by Deathbird and Black Lantern Mr. Fantastic.
“Let’s see if I remove your heart, Logan without opening your chest,” the undead former leader of the Fantastic Four wraps his elastic body all around Wolverine.
His decaying fingers then thin out and stretch down Wolverine’s esophagus. Logan grunts in anguish as Black Lantern Mr. Fantastic continues to reach down his throat.
“Ahh, got it!” the Black Lantern says as grabs a hold of Logan’s still beating heart.
He then yanks his tendril-like fingers back out of the mutant’s mouth and with them, Wolverine’s heart.
“Let’s see you grow that back,” Black Lantern Mr. Fantastic quips as he proceeds to devour Logan’s heart.
Deathbird fiercely and relentlessly attacks Gambit, evading every charged object Gambit can manage to throw at her. She slashes at his chest with her talons and then fires one of her electrified javelins at the Cajun. The combination of the electricity from the javelin and the downpour of rain is too much for Gambit, and he is fried where he stands. His sizzling husk drops to the ground. As Deathbird stands over the still smoking corpse of her prey, she finds herself on the opposite end of such an attack. Darth Vader lights her up with a powerful jolt of Sith Lightning. The feathers on her wings go up quickly as her eyes bubble and burn out of their sockets.
Hermione then notices Team Sleeping Pussy’s own wizard across what’s left of the intersection of Tarantino Blvd and Cameron Ave. The Sorcerer Supreme levitates into the air and fires a spell at Granger.
“By the Flames of Faltine!” exclaims Dr. Strange as he targets Hermione.
Green flames shoot forth from Strange’s hands, but Hermione shouts “Protego Horribilis!” and blocks the fire. She volleys back with “Incendio!” and launches a fiery blast from her wand.
Strange protects himself by casting the Shields of Seraphim. “Girl you do not want to test me,” he says to Hermione.
She smirks and responds, “That’s funny, and you’re the second one today who’s arrogantly threatened me. I killed the last one.”
They both then simultaneously shout spells at each other. “Avada Kedavra!!!” “By The Crystals of Cyndriarr!!!” The green flames and yellow rectangular crystals collide and cause a back draft of magic that knocks both sorcerers back.
There is then an increasingly loud roar that fills the air, and followed quickly be the explosion of a sonic boom. It’s Silver Surfer, returning to battle.
“I am not done with you Vader!” Surfer exclaims.
He arches back and jerks forwards, firing an enormous blast of power cosmic wrapped in green willpower. Vader tries to block it with his lightsaber but the energy is too much and it overwhelms the Sith Lord, annihilating him.
Silver Surfer relaxes his tense muscles as he has defeated the Backyardigans’ leader. He then feels a weight on the back of his surfboard. As he turns around all he hears is the hum of a lightsaber slashing across his torso. Surfer looks down at his chest to see the power cosmic pouring from the open wound. He drops to his knees and looks up to see the real Darth Vader standing before him.
“Your power is nothing compared to the power of the Force,” Vader boldly says as he sends Silver Surfer to the Graveyard.
He then takes control of Silver Surfer’s surfboard he then turns to an advancing Black Lantern Mr. Fantastic and obliterates him with a combination of the Force and Power Cosmic. Dr. Strange regains his composure from being knocked back by the magical reverb. He looks up to see Silver Surfer slain and Darth Vader standing atop of the surfboard. Strange quiets his minds and starts to meditate. The Sorcerer Supreme levitates off the ground as the Eye of Agamotto begins to open.
“Oh no you don’t,” Hermione says as she climbs out of the rubble. “Avada Kedavra!”
Green flames shoot from her wand as Darth Vader also fires another blast of Sith Lightning and Power Cosmic. They impact Dr. Strange directly in the amulet. Strange explodes in a burst of bright white light. Darth Vader steps off the surfboard and begins to walk away.
He turns to Hermione, and says “Now, Miss Granger, the Championship will be ours.”
Team Sleeping Pussy is: Silver Surfer w/Green Lantern Ring, Kang the Conqueror, Dr Manhattan, Mimic, Silk Spectre I with Blue Lightsaber, Silk Spectre II with Blue Lightsaber, Roy Batty w/green lightsaber & Mandalorian armor, Bullseye w/red lightsaber, Dr Strange w/Mithril vest, Planetary; Elijah Snow, Jakita Wagner, The Drummer, & Ambrose Chase, Wild C.A.T.S.; Spartan, Voodoo, Grifter, Zealot, Warblade, Maul, Lord Emp, & Void, Black Lantern Kyle Rayner, S.D. Bob "Snake" Plissken w/Green Lantern Ring, Zombie Mephisto, Unus the Untouchable, Black Lantern Mr. Fantastic, Black Lantern Leeloo, Deathbird, Kahn Noonien Singh w/blue lightsaber, Dark Beast, Cloak and Dagger, Binary, Obi Wan Kenobi's Spirit, Brood Queen, Jubilee, and E. Honda.
The rivalry between Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches and Team Sleeping Pussy predates the Fantasy Fantasy League itself. The two team owners, closest of friends, have clashed over a great many of things throughout their time as hetero-life partners. But none more viciously as what we are about to be witness to here in the Stan Lee Conference Finals. The Backyardigans have a near immaculate record against the Pussies during these past first five years of the League. Though, unlike any time before now not only do they meet in the Playoffs, but they shall do battle for the right to proudly wave the flag into the Universe Bowl for their Conference. These two teams are short of pep rallies and speeches; instead, they waste no time searching one another out in this galactic sized confrontation.
"KANG!! WHERE ARE YOU???!!! COME CONQEUROR!! COMES SEE HOW YOU FARE AGAINST PERAXXUS, DESTROYER OF WORLDS!!!!" screams one of the newest additions to Beckerman's impressive roster of talent.
His words echo across the Playoff Planet, where Kang has assembled a small team to assist him in his latest machinations.
"This is the information Kang has been able to gather," begins the Conqueror. "The entire roster of what we're up against is unclear, but these are the pieces that shall be utilized and lead us to glory."
The team looks over what Kang has brought them.
"I recognize some of this from my Planetary guides," says Elijah Snow. "Some heavy, heavy hitter. You sure about this, Rama?"
"Kang is always sure, are you sure that your man can assist Kang with his device?" the time traveler retorts.
"Drums is the best I got, he's already on it,” responds Snow. “What about that madman screaming for you, Kang? Shouldn't you deal with that?"
Kang smirks. "Feh. Kang has more important things to deal with than the latest destroyer of the moment. Why don't you and the rest of your underlings go and handle the light work. Kang still has much to prepare."
"Well, since you asked SO nicely" grimaces Snow, and with that he, Ambrose Chase and Jakita Wagner go off to face Peraxxus while The Drummer remains behind with Kang and black lantern Kyle Rayner to work on Kang's latest master-weapon.
The Planetary trio finds the new 52 villain and engages him. Ambrose Chase slows time around the mighty behemoth, allowing Jakita Wagner's mighty punches to be landing with what seems to be super speed. This staggers the giant, dropping him to his knees. Snow then notices that Peraxxus seems to be bleeding. He studies the time displaced creature and begins lowering Peraxxus' internal body temperature. Snow eventually succeeds in completely freezing the destroyer's heart, giving Wagner the opportunity to punch her fist right through his heart, completely shattering it and killing Peraxxus.
Exhausted from the effort, Snow looks at his teammates "Well…the easy… part is… over. On to the tough stuff.” The group goes to the next part of Team Sleeping Pussy's battle plan.
While this is going on, the work on Kang's super-weapon is interrupted when Oblivion finds the group.
"Right on time," sneers Kang. "Kyle. If you will."
"Of course. Been meaning to take this back," growls Kyle. He aims his ring at Oblivion and begins to absorb the creature. Kyle begins glowing and smiles "Home again, home again," he mocks as Oblivion is returned back to where he came from, the dark, evil part of Kyle Rayner's mind.
"Drummer. Report!" exclaims Kang.
"It's as you thought, the absorption of the creature has overpowered our black lantern. He's at near god-like powers now," the Drummer informs.
"And the device?" asks Kang.
"Is ready and should work, provided you get the final component," replies The Drummer as he hands Kang a large backpack type device with a gauntlet.
"Excellent. Be off to assist your comrades, they'll need you. Kang shall give this a proper test run," says Kang as he puts on his latest creation.
Drummer departs, leaving Kang alone with Black Lantern Kyle/Oblivion. "For GLORY!" he cries as he fires a blast at his teammate/adversary, causing him to vanish leaving his black lantern ring on the floor. Kang quickly puts the ring on the hand opposite the gauntlet.
"Now to make sure it works" says Kang as he triggers the gauntlet while the black ring begins to reform its original host. Suddenly, the reformation stops, and the energy begins to envelope Kang. The descendent of Reed Richards lurches forward for a moment as the energy overwhelms him.
He hacks several times as it consumes him. But Kang regains his posture, arches back and yells into the heavens, "YYYYYYEEEEEEESSSSSS!!!" THE POWER!!! THE ABSOLUTE POWER!!!! THIS SHALL BE KANG'S GREATEST HOUR!!!!"
With the effort it takes a person to blink, Kang is instantly transported to the moment he's thinking of; Planetary's battle with the In-Betweener.
Things have not gone well for Planetary, as the In-Betweener has quickly and neatly destroyed the entire team. He looks as the near omnipotent Kang appears.
"I have been expecting you," he calmly says to Kang.
"As you should have. For the moment of you death is near.”
The In-Betweener extends his hand out and attempts to vaporize Kang, but the time traveler is prepare for such an attempt. He uses his gauntlet and manages to absorb the energy blast. One that should have thoroughly annihilated him. “My power now supersedes yours. Any last words?" snarls the near omnipotent Kang.
"Just a question. What next? After you dispatch me, what will you do?" asks the In-Betweener.
"What do you mean? Victory. I will celebrate victory!" says Kang. "I have seen the proof. I destroy you."
The In-Betweener floats there with his arms crossed. "You may, but is you victory assured? Are you certain this is your day? For we have more dangerous weapo-"
"Enough of your tactics. DIE!" screams Kang as he obliterates the In-Betweener.
Kang then notices the Death Star, orbiting the site of his latest bloodbath.
"A fitting throne for Kang," he thinks, and with that sets off to overtake the ominous space station.
Back on the Playoff Planet below, the majority of this battle is being contained within the city limits as the Backyardigans are being swarmed by the sheer number of Team Sleeping Pussy’s forces. They are dealing with virtually a two to one deficit right now with the fact that most of the Backyardigan’s god-like beings have yet to make their presence even known at this time.
A torrential downpour has begun, soaking the moonlit city as the trio of Bullseye, Silk Spectre I and her daughter, Silk Spectre II have found themselves down a dark alley with Michael Myers unwaveringly stalking them. Bullseye leaps into action quickly, firing used syringes, broken beer bottles, nails; whatever projectiles he can get his hands on in this decrepit alley at the killer. They all find their mark, but none slow Myers down. The dark, dank corridor is then illuminated by the trio’s lightsabers as they go to try and take Michael out. The original Silk Spectre races in and swings her lightsaber, but Michael stops the attack and picks Sally up by her wrist. He then ignites his lightsaber just as he brings his other hand across, slicing her head clean off. Michael whips the severed head at Sally’s daughter, who infuriately leaps into action.
“You’re going to pay for that one monster,” Silk Spectre says as she runs in, jumps up and kicks off the side of a building and lands a hard boot to Michael’s masked face. He staggers backwards.
The ground shakes from the powerful thunder that is followed closely by the crack of massive lightning bolt. She swings her lightsaber and connects with her opponent, cleaving off Myers’s left arm. His lightsaber drops No scream, no grunt, nothing. This almost supernatural force doesn’t stop attacking. He knocks Laurie’s blue hued lightsaber from her hand and knocks her to the wet cement and then stomps on her back. Bullseye tries to aid his teammate but is kicked through a window. Silk Spectre II tries to crawl away but Michael grabs her by her long brunette hair and yanks her back up. He then viciously smashes her face into the corner of a rusted dumpster. It sounds like someone smashing a pumpkin with a baseball bat as her beautiful face just caves in from the impact. He slams it against the corner several more times before dropping Laurie’s body. Bullseye picks up several pieces of the broken window and flings them through the air at Michael Myers. They dig into the back of the killer, but again don’t stop him.
“Come on! Bring it you son of a b!#@$” Bullseye yells definitely as he knows now that he cannot stop this seemingly unstoppable force.
Michael Myers picks his lightsaber back up with his one still attached arm and walks towards Bullseye. There is then a bright green flash that instantly explodes Myers completely. His blood and organs spray all over Bullseye as he sits there shocked, in the floor of the cell phone store that he was thrown through earlier.
“Bullseye,” quips Snake Plissken as he floats down to the alley below, and motions towards Bullseye as they both run out into the street where they see Zombie Mephisto blasting Cosmic Hulk Robot with his evil magic. “This ain’t our party,” grumbles Snake as he uses his Green Lantern ring to fly Bullseye and himself away from this fight.
The Cosmic Hulk Robot digs his feet into the street and continues his path towards the zombified version of Mephisto. The Hulk Robot grabs a hold of the decomposing demon and savagely rips them out of their sockets. He then ironically chomps down on Zombie Mephisto’s head and feasts on his decaying innards.
The rain continues to beat down on the combatants as the war between the Backyardigans and Sleeping Pussies intensifies. The Wild C.A.T.s are locked in a hellacious battle with Korvac in the University of Fantasy football stadium. Korvac hovers high above the 50 yard line as his opponents converge on him. He arrogantly smirks as he fires a blast of cosmic energy at the Wild C.A.T.s muscle, Maul, sending him crashing into a goal post. This however enrages the human-titanthrope hybrid. Maul smashes his fist into the end zone and lets out a loud roar as he increases his size to the point where he is as tall as the stadium itself. Maul rushes towards Korvac and slaps him out of the air, sending the cosmic being tumbling into the stands. Korvac regains his balance quickly and blasts towards the enormous giant. He uses the power cosmic to rip open Maul’s chest. Korvac flies into Maul’s torso.
“AAAAARRRRRGGHHHHHH!!!!!” Maul screams in agony, sending tremors throughout the stadium, as he drops to his knees.
Cosmic energy then begins to pour out of Maul’s mouth as blood pours out of his eyes, nose and ears. The giant falls dead on the field. A bubble forms on his back and it bursts with cosmic energy as Korvac climbs out of Maul’s body. The cosmic-imbued computer technician is covered in Maul’s blood as he turns to face his foes. His eyes glow with his cosmic energy as he sees Warblade lunging at him. The rain glistens off of his organic steel claws as Warblade slashes Korvac across the chest.
“Rrrrraaaaa, I’ll kill you for what you did to Maul!” exclaims and enraged Warblade.
Korvac clutches his chest with one hand and extends the other towards Warblade. “Heh, delusions of grandeur,” quips Korvac as he uses his cosmic abilities to warp Warblade’s claws to their limits and impaling the Wild C.A.T.s member with his own blades. The green-haired warrior crumples to the ground, his blood soaking into the field-turf, mingling with the pool that has formed from Maul’s carcass.
“Now… who’s next?” Korvac asks.
The Wild C.A.T.s answer in unison as they attack from all sides. They swarm the cosmic being, but Korvac releases a cosmic pulse that blasts everyone back into the stands. The Wild C.A.T.s leader, Spartan, bursts out from the stands and nails Korvac with stream of energy. Korvac is knocked from a top Maul’s corpse and onto his back. Spartan lands in front of him and Michael with several punches. The cosmic being retaliates by simply blowing a massive hole through the android’s torso. He then grabs Spartan by the face as slowly releases some cosmic energy, literally melting Spartan’s face off.
“ENOUGH!!!!!” screams Voodoo. She raises her hands in the air, closes her eyes and focuses.
Michael Korvac spasms as his head jerks backwards. He screams in agony. Blood begins to leak out of his ears as Voodoo increases her concentration.
“You are finished, Michael,” says Voodoo.
Korvac drops to the ground on all fours, coughing up blood. He then looks up at Voodoo and responds, “No! You’re finished you whore!” With the last bit of his power he lets loose a blast of cosmic energy right at Voodoo.
“Voodoo, look out!” yells Void in an uncharacteristically show of emotion. Void flies in front of Voodoo and is incinerated by the blast.
Voodoo, then uses her magnetic powers to bring a chunk of the devastated stadium down upon Korvac’s body, just for good measure.
High above the wet streets, the spirit of Obi Wan Kenobi is confronted with the blue image of Dr. Manhattan on the rooftop of one of The Play-off Planet's highest buildings as the rain continues to hammer down on the planet.
“This is where you tell me that you do not wish to be made “whole” again for this match,” says Manhattan, to the translucent Jedi Master.
“I cannot deny that it felt good to have a physical form again or that it was not beneficial to our team, but I do not feel right manipulating the force in such a way,” replies Kenobi.
“But it is certain that you can be convinced to do this one more time,” answers Manhattan.
Kenobi retorts, “If this is true, and you are so certain of the future, than it only makes sense that you would save my “one more time” for The Universe Bowl next week. That is after all going to be our team's most dire occasion.”
Dr. Manhattan then begins telling Obi Wan, what he already “knows” to be the truth, “But this is our greatest match. Team Sleeping Pussy doesn't make The Universe Bowl. This future has both already happened, yet simultaneously will never come to fruition. We will lose to Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyaatches in this match and it is they who will go on to the Universe Bowl. We will continue to be a play-off contender next season, and you and I will have similar conversations in the future. You will tell me that the future has not yet been decided, despite me telling you what is going to happen, before you and the others have witnessed it.”
Obi Wan realizes that his body is whole again, while Dr. Manhattan finishes, “Now go and do the damage that we both know you were destined to do in this form.”
In a flash of blue, Dr. Manhattan then disappears as Obi Wan notices a skirmish already in progress that requires his immediate attention. Obi Wan leaps from building top to building top toward the area where Silver Surfer is battling with both Zombie Superman, who attacks from the air and The Cosmic Hulk Robot who attacks from the peak of another skyscraper. As Obi Wan appears on the scene, the rooftop door opens up and another of their teammates, E. Honda, joins the fight as well. The massive sumo can barely squeeze through the door that leads to the rooftop, but once he does make it through, he moves as swiftly as any other Street Fighter. E. Honda front-flips in to action and begins pushing back the strange Hulk manifestation with his fast moving palm attack, but Cosmic Hulk “Smashes puny Sumo” with a jump that leads into a powerful foot to the head. The crack of E. Honda’s vertebrae could be heard for blocks as he is taken out of this equation. Obi Wan begins squaring up The Cosmic Hulk Robot and ignites the lightsaber that suddenly appeared along with his human form (Kenobi finds it curious that the lightsaber he is wielding is not the one he had when he died at the hands of Darth Vader; but his original push button model that he lost on Naboo, while fighting Darth Maul when he was just a Padawan).
Obi Wan notices that Zombie Superman and Silver Surfer are locked in an intense battle in the sky, when he catches a glimpse from his teammate, the Surfer. All it takes is this one glance for Obi Wan and Silver Surfer to know what they need to do to outsmart these two powerful yet logic-lacking opponents. As Kenobi and Robot Hulk inch closer to one another, Surfer draws Zombie Superman off to his opposite side with some green energy blasts. Silver Surfer and the Zombie Kryptonian than begin racing towards one another in what is sure to be an explosive game of chicken, when it becomes apparent that the center of their crash spot will be the exact spot where Obi Wan and Cosmic Hulk are about to have their showdown. As the two powerhouses are about to hit, Obi Wan side-steps the two of them and puts his lightsaber in the perfect path of Zombie Supes' neck. The Zombie does most of the work as he is flying at such an extreme rate, that the lightsaber has very little trouble sawing through the rotting Kryptonian Flesh.
The “Green Surfer”, as he is now occasionally called in The Sleeping Pussy Locker Room instead makes his collision with The Cosmic Hulk Robot. After the initial collision, Cosmic Hulk actually knocks Surfer from his board, and the two of them both start free-falling towards the ground, while pounding on each other with punches that would turn any brick wall in to dust. They are only about ten feet from the ground when Surfer lays down a cosmic-infused-green-energy-laced-uppercut that would have sent a normal person up out of the atmosphere. The Cosmic Hulk Robot falls to the ground dead, while Silver Surfer's telepathically linked surf board swoops under and catches him right before he hits the ground. Silver Surfer then cruises back up toward the city skyline at slightly less than the speed of sound just as Obi Wan Kenobi back flips off of the top of the building where the battle began and lands gracefully on the back of Norrin's board.
As they race off to where they are needed next on the battlefield they converse with one another.
“I grow tired of proving Dr. Manhattan wrong” comments Silver Surfer to his Jedi teammate.
“That's curious” begins Obi Wan, “I'm just starting to get used to it.”
As the Death Star slowly makes its approach upon the Playoff Planet, Darth Vader surveys the battle via the remote feeds courtesy of the numerous probe droids that have been dispatched to the surface. His fists clench as he sees several of his high ranking officers fall to the members of Team Sleeping Pussy. His labored breathing becomes increasingly forced and audible. The anger is seething out of him. Pablo the Penguin then jumps up on top of one of the several consoles, screaming obscenities. As he continues to watch the devastation that is transpiring down on the Planet, Vader without breaking his focus raises his hand towards Pablo and lifts him in the air with the power of the Force.
“Aaakkkkkk, dduuuuddde…. Vadderrr yuuurrrr ccccchooookkkiinngg mmmmmee,” Pablo gasps as Vader tightens his Force choke on the foul-mouthed Penguin. “Ffffffuuuccccccckkk yyyyoooo….” Sparks begin to shoot out of Pablo’s eyes as the propeller on his beanie spins out of control. The vulgarness of Pablo is silenced by the crunch of metal as Lord Vader crumbles him into a ball and Force pushes him aside.
“Hmmmm…” Vader grumbles to himself, “Didn’t know that was a Life Model Decoy. Pity.”
The-One-Above-All sits at the Overbridge conference table, having taken on the appearance of Sir Ridley Scott, chuckles to himself at this display of frustration. He stands up and walks towards the Sith Lord.
With a British accent he speaks, “Lord Vader, you worry too much. This is but a small part of the bigger picture.”
The door to the Overbridge hisses open as Dark Phoenix saunters in. She walks up to Darth Vader and slides her hand across his chest plate. Vader grabs her hand and coldly removes it from his chest.
“If you would my dear,” is all Vader says to Dark Phoenix.
The Phoenix Force-corrupted Jean Grey scowls at Vader and flies out of the room. Within seconds she flies out of the Death Star and down towards the Playoff Planet.
Lord Vader now turns his attention to Ridley Scott, “I see faith in your eyes,” he says to the god. “But I won’t hear the discouraging lies; I’ll hear that faith in your cries. Broken will be the promise, betrayal will follow the god that failed.” Vader then turns his attention back to the monitors as The-One-Above-All exits the Overbridge.
The all-powerful god walks down a hallway, pausing ever so often to admire the awe-inspiring artwork of Ross Andru that adorn the interior walls of the Death Star. Each one, immortalizing a different moment in the Backyardigans’ illustrious history. He turns his attention to a closed door and smiles to himself as he continues on his way.
Behind said closed door, in one of the luxury suites reserved for the veterans of the Backyardigans, Stormtrooper #15 slowly awakes in his bed still in a state of euphoria from the events of the previous evening. His bright white helmet hangs on the bedpost as the rest of his armor is strewn about the room, along with a Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry uniform. He rolls over and gently kisses the forehead of his companion, knowing that soon, he will have to take the battlefield for what surely will be his final outing. The kiss rouses his bedmate; she opens her eyes and bats her eyelashes at him.
“Why hello there,” Hermione Granger says to Stormtrooper #15 as she leans in and kisses him ever so softly.
He sensually kisses her back and then sits up to prepare for battle. She stretches out on the bed for a moment then rolls over to her side. The Stormtrooper looks back at the witch to see that the black satin bed sheet is only barely covering Hermione’s body. She reaches over and picks something up off of the table next to the bed.
“You know you’re getting pretty handy with this thing,” says Hermione with a wink as she turns his Ferengi Energy Whip on.
She then holds onto the sheet as she rolls over onto her back.
“I swear you had a Mobilicorpus spell on me last night,” she jokes.
“Yeah, I don’t know what that means,” he replies to her as he stands up from the bed. “The only one I know, and this is only because you reminded me of it several times was, what was it again? Oh yeah… Locomotor Mortis. Looks like that spells been lifted.”
She blushes and chuckles a bit. “What can I say, the Backyardigans need to win this Championship and I’m doing what I have to do to ensure of that outcome.”
“Ha! Wait, so you sleeping with me ensures that we win a Championship? I don’t get it, but I ain’t arguing,” replies the Stormtrooper. He then climbs back on top of top of Hermione and starts to kiss her once more. “It’s pretty cool that they gave me the L.M.D. of you to have fun with, though I didn’t think that they could replicate powers as well. But what do I know?”
A couple Imperial officers walk by the room and hear Hermione say several spells in succession, “Duro! Engorrio!! Erecto!!!! Oh hell…. Descendo.”
One of the officers presses his ear up against the door trying to get a better listen to the witch’s moans, but she hears them from the other side of the door and shouts “Evanesco!!” The two Imperial officers disappear in a puff of smoke.
It only takes Dark Phoenix a matter of minutes to tear through space and scorch the planet’s atmosphere as she enters the fray. The fiery red-head lands in the middle of what was once the shopping district of the city. However, now there is nothing but death and destruction. The nearby mall has been reduced to a mangled mess of jagged glass and broken concrete. She looks around, and sees an offensive beginning to mount against her. Dark Phoenix rises up into the air as she arrogantly cracks her knuckles. She rolls her head across her shoulders, cracking the joints in her neck as well.
“Ok, children,” she says. “Time for your spanking.”
Roy Batty rockets towards the villain, courtesy of his Mandalorian armor. He ignites his green lightsaber; however Dark Phoenix returns the favor and ignites Roy Batty. The replicant bursts into a fireball as he crashes into a nearby semi-truck. The gas tank explodes as the fire continues to consume the former leader of Nexus-6.
One of Team Sleeping Pussy’s most battle hardened veterans, Mimic, then leads a makeshift team of “X-Men” against the cosmic force. But Dark Phoenix isn’t easily impressed.
“You want my power, Calvin?” she asks Mimic. “Then HAVE IT!!!”
Mimic grabs his head and lets out a painful howl as he drops to the ground. “Noooo, it’s…..it’s too much. I…. I can’t control it. Please stop. Please.”
“What’s the matter Calvin? I thought you liked taking other people’s powers and claiming them for your own? Don’t you want absolute power?”
The pain that the power overload is causing Mimic reduces him down to his hands and knees. He involuntarily vomits onto the destroyed street. She then intensifies her powers upon Mimic, causing him to spasm back.
“AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!” Mimic screams.
His teammates try to intervene, but Jean keeps them at bay with her powers. She lifts Dark Beast high into the air with her telekinesis and slowly burns his fur away. Jean turns her attention back to Mimic who continues to writhe in agony.
“You have no idea what power is Calvin,” she remarks. “Pathetic.” Dark Phoenix then unleashes the Phoenix Force upon Mimic, which engulfs him in flames. His angelic wings spread out into the air as they are consumed by the cosmic flames. His charred corpse drops to the ground as Jean continues her torment of her foes.
“Oh Hank, Hank, Hank. Dignity, dear, dignity,” she comments as the evil version of Hank McCoy screams in anguish as Dark Phoenix toys with him. She then focuses her powers internally, and boils Dark Beast’s blood from the inside. His screams quickly turn into shrieks as the pain reaches unbearable levels. She then looks Unus the Untouchable right in the eye and smirks as she uses the Phoenix Force to explode Dark Beast.
“We’re never going to be able to defeat her,” Unus frighteningly says to Jubilee as they take cover behind a burnt and rusted out car.
She turns to Unus and replies, “We have to.” Jubilee then leaps over the car and lunges at Dark Phoenix. She taps into the full potential of her powers and fires an immense amount multi-colored energy plasmoids at the corrupted cosmic being. Dark Phoenix flies through the air and slams into a close by restaurant.
Jubilee looks back at her teammate and says, “See. We can take her.”
The restaurant then explodes from within as the fire of the Phoenix Force intensifies.
“You wretched little creature,” growls Dark Phoenix. “You have no idea the forces that you deal with.”
“Get behind me Jubilee, my force field will protect us,” Unus says.
Dark Phoenix begins to laugh at Unus’s comment. “Please.”
She then pulls her arms back before shooting them forwards. Cosmic energy erupts from Dark Phoenix. Unus quickly turns and wraps his arms around Jubilee. He concentrates as hard as he can, trying to push his control over his powers just as Team Sleeping Pussy’s Head Coach, Alexander Luthor, instructed him to do. To the surprise of the possessed Jean Grey, Unus’s force field is holding.
“Grrrrrrrrr…” Dark Phoenix grows as she grows increasingly angry. “Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!”
She spreads her arms out and arches back as the power of the Phoenix just spews out of her. Beads of sweats are rolling down Unus’s face as he tries to hold back the power. His back suddenly then stiffens as his eyes pop open.
“Huuukk…” Unus groans. He looks down at Jubilee who is still being shielded in his arms. “I….. aaaaam, sorry I was… not stronger,” he says seconds before the Phoenix Force overwhelms him and breaks through his force field.
The cosmic fire blisters Unus’s back before burning a hole through and out the front of his chest. His eyes and mouth glow a bright orangish-yellow as the back of his head breaks away into dust. The cosmic energy erupts through Unus and vaporizes Jubilee in an instant. Dark Phoenix begins to laugh again as she leaves utter devastation in her wake.
There is another conflict of cosmic proportions that is beginning to unravel on one of the Playoff Planet’s small moons. Dr. Manhattan had been quietly meditating when he is disrupted by the presence of the Living Tribunal. The god stands before the former Jon Osterman and speaks to him through the face of “Equity.”
“This confrontation has already been decided. This, you know,” says the Living Tribunal. “I have been sent here by my master, The-One-Above-All, to speak to you upon this matter. This battle is one of mortals. Not of gods like us. The thought of beings such as you and I doing battle over petty trinkets such as a Championship, is meaningless.”
Dr. Manhattan continues to silently meditate as The-One-Above-All (still in his Ridley Scott form) teleports in a flash of white light behind the Living Tribunal.
With his eyes still closed in meditation, Dr. Manhattan begins to speak, “You know, it’s funny. Throughout the history of this League, gods like you have done nothing but try and cancel me out with either pleas of arrogant hierarchy or sacrificing themselves for their teams’ goals.”
He then opens his eyes, staring right at the Living Tribunal, “But do you know what?” Dr. Manhattan then lifts his hand up and eradicates Ridley Scott from existence. “I’m tired of being reasoned with.”
He then stands up as the Living Tribunal takes several steps back in shock at the smoking crater that was once The-One-Above-All.
“Master!! Master!!” screams the Living Tribunal as his heads rotate around to reveal the face of “Vengeance.”
“End of passion play, crumbling away. I'm your source of self-destruction Tribunal,” says Dr. Manhattan. He then blasts the Living Tribunal with his cosmic energy. The multi-faced god puts his arms up and blocks the blast, but it causes several fissures in his golden skin. “Veins that pump with fear. Sucking darkest clear, leading on your death's construction,” Manhattan continues.
He then, devoid of warning, Dr. Manhattan vanishes. The Living Tribunal follows suit and vanishes from the moon. They both however rematerialize out in space itself. They both have grown exponentially, dwarfing the Death Star and the Playoff Planet alike. Dr. Manhattan grabs a hold of the Living Tribunal by the face and pushes his azure thumbs deep into the face of “Vengeance’s” eyes. Cosmic energy erupts from the god as Manhattan continues his assault.
“Blinded by me, you can't see a thing. Just call my name because I'll hear you scream,” Dr. Manhattan boldly says to his foe.
The Living Tribunal’s screams are heard across the cosmos as Dr. Manhattan channels his energy into his opponent. The shockwave that bursts forth from the Living Tribunal’s exploding body sends tremors racing across the nearby planet.
“Fire,” orders a Darth Vader from the Overbridge of the Death Star.
There is an audible hum that emanates from the concave dish on the Death Star. “Interesting,” Dr. Manhattan says to himself as he slowly turns his head around to see something that, for whatever reason, he was not expecting yet.
Eight tributary laser beams then converge in the middle, into one massive green super laser and hits Dr. Manhattan square in the back before he could defend himself. The blast impacts the massive sized Manhattan with such force that he is completely de-atomized to the point where even he could not reform himself.
“Just another example of one unable to comprehend the full potential of the Force,” Darth Vader says as he watches Dr. Manhattan violently blown apart by the Death Star’s super laser.
Down below on the planet’s surface, practically every combatant stops dead in their tracks as the sequential cosmic explosions rip through the heavy rain clouds that hang over them. The rain stops, but only to intensify exponentially due to the radical atmospheric change from the explosions.
Silver Surfer and the solidified spirit of Obi Wan Kenobi fly down to a deserted hospital, where several members of their team have regrouped. The rain hisses as it falls through the massive holes in the building’s roof and hits the multiple lightsabers that are being wielded by Team Sleeping Pussy. Obi Wan leaps off of Norrin’s surfboard as he rockets back up into the sky.
“Where the hell is he going?!” exclaims Bullseye, who normal cocky demeanor has be shaken after witnessing the relentless savagery of Michael Myers.
“That explosion that we just saw was the demise of Dr. Manhattan. Silver Surfer intends on dealing with the culprit and fulfilling a promise he made to Manhattan,” responds Kenobi.
“Great. Game over man!” shouts Bullseye.
There is then a loud and ferocious roar that arises from deep within the abandoned hospital.
“What the f*** was that?” a now severely startled Bullseye asks.
The wall behind the assassin explodes as Doomsday barrels through it. He crushes the Brood Queen beneath his mighty foot, smearing the alien like a cockroach into the ground and knocks Bullseye and Obi Wan Kenobi clear across the emergency room. Dagger back flips over a gurney and fires several of her light daggers at the monster, but to no avail. Black Lantern Leeloo tries to attack the beast but is thwarted just the same. He grabs the “perfect being” by the head and crushes it like a grape. Doomsday then stomps on the Black Lantern ring with such force, that it shatters, preventing it from re-growing Leeloo’s head. Binary stands her ground as Doomsday rushes towards her.
“Alright monster, let’s see you handle this,” Binary says as she discharges a gigantic burst of stellar energy at Doomsday.
The monster roars as this slows him down for a moment. But he continues his march. Doomsday puts his arm up towards his face to shield himself from the energy blast as he stomps his way closer to Binary. It grows even louder as Binary intensifies her efforts, but Doomsday snatches her up off of her feet and crushes her ribs with one hand. Carol screams in agony as the life is being crushed out of her. Doomsday then opens his jagged mouth and violently tears Binary’s upper half off of her body. Her blood pours from his mouth; the bright red liquid stains the boney protrusion jutting out of his chin.
“Tandy NO!” shouts Cloak as Dagger valiantly springboards up onto Doomsday’s back as he devours Carol Danvers.
Dagger rapid fires as many of her light daggers as she can into the back of Doomsday’s neck. She tries to leap off of him, but Doomsday is just as quick as he is strong. He catches her by the ankle and slams her down into the ground. Tiles shatter up into the air as he beats her into the ground. Cloak screams in anger as Doomsday devastates his teammate. Doomsday looks up at Cloak, grabs Dagger by both arms and ferociously rips both of her arms from her body. The stark white costume that the cute blonde wore, is now drenched in blood. Cloak opens his cape up as far as it can go as he leaps at the monster. He completely envelopes Doomsday into his cloak, sending him into the darkness dimension for all time, but Doomsday grabs a hold of Cloak’s cape and pulls him in on himself.
“Is this hell? Am I dead?” a shaken Bullseye asks himself as he climbs out of the destroyed emergency room.
“No, you’re not dead. And this is much, much worse than Hell I’m afraid,” replies Kenobi as he brushes the rubble from his Jedi robe. He looks over and sees what was once Binary, Dagger and the Brood Queen. “Come on let’s go. I fear our story doesn’t end here.”
Silver Surfer rockets through the air at near light speed on a collision course with the Death Star. However Magog flies in with a Green Lantern ring of his own and attempts to slow him down. A futile effort, as Silver Surfer annihilates him with a colossal wave of cosmic energy. The “Kirby crackle” washes over Magog as Surfer rips right through his disintegrating body. His ash plumes around Silver Surfer as he continues his mission towards the Death Star. Surfer nonetheless is finally held up as Dark Phoenix soars up and levels him with a dominant blast of cosmic energy.
“I was hoping I’d have the opportunity to send you to the graveyard, Surfer,” Dark Phoenix says as she attacks him again.
Norrin tumbles through space, hurtling further and further back with every blast of cosmic fire. He manages to right himself and cuts back. Using Dark Phoenix’s cosmic energy as a veritable wave, Silver Surfer rides through it, before kicking out and doubling up the Power Cosmic and his Green Lantern ring at his opponent. However the backwash of the colliding energies almost cause Surfer to be catapulted from his board, but he is able to hold on to the nose of his surfboard and ride the energy wave.
“Impressive show, Surfer,” growls Dark Phoenix. “But you aren’t even in the same league as the Phoenix Force!”
As she hovers in space, Dark Phoenix then extends her arms up as monstrous wave of cosmic fire shoots towards Silver Surfer. He angles in and rides across the fiery energy. Surfer then shoots straight up and out of the “wave,” he grabs a rail of his surfboard for stability and control over its rotation. He goes up and over and rockets towards Dark Phoenix.
He stares Dark Phoenix in her burning eyes and says, “You’re right. I’m not in the same league as the Phoenix. I’m way higher.”
Silver Surfer pulls back on his board, slowing him for a moment before shooting an intertwining braid of green willpower and the power cosmic. It impacts Dark Phoenix directly in her chest. Her screams are heard across 1,000 galaxies as she begins to glow white hot. Her body collapses in on itself like a black hole before exploding outwards in a supernova of cosmic energy.
Back aboard the Death Star, Hermione Granger quietly walks down a corridor back to the awaiting Stormtrooper #15 when, without warning, Kang teleports right in front of her.
“Heh isn’t this convenient,” Kang says as he stares at the witch.
She quickly, draws her wand and jumps back into a defensive stance. “Not as convenient as you’d like.” Hermione points her wand and yells “Confringo!” The spells shoots from her wand and explodes into flames upon impacting Kang, but he deflects the attack with his newly acquired powers.
“Please, child. Do you really think you can defeat Kang the Conqueror with your simple parlor tricks?” he asks Hermione. “I possess the power of a god now. You are nothing to me.”
Hermione smugly smirks as she replies, “Men. Always concerned with power and the size of their wand.” As spins around, her skirt flutters in the air, hair whipping around her face. She aims her wand again and shouts, “Serpensortia!”
With this spell, Hermione conjures a viper from her wand, she then exclaims “Oppugno!” which causes the viper to strike and attack Kang. The snake springs at him and latches onto his neck.
“Arrrrrggghh!!” screams Kang as the viper sinks its fangs into his neck. He yanks it off of him and uses his gauntlet to incinerate the snake.
Stormtrooper opens the door to his suite, still barely dressed, “Hey what’s all this commotion?” he asks as Kang fires a blast that barely misses his face. “WHOA!! What the hell dude!!”
Hermione leaps over and tackles the Stormtrooper into the room. “Darling, stay here. I’ve got to teach this incisive oaf some manners.” She then deeply kisses him before running out of the room. She slides across the corridor and yells “Deprimo!!”
The spell narrowly misses Kang and blows a hole through the wall beside him. The gauntlet on Kang’s hand begins to glow exponentially as he powers it up.
“I tire of this,” he conceitedly comments. “You shall die now!” Kang unleashes a potent blast of cosmic energy at the witch, but Stormtrooper rushes out of his room and valiantly leaps in front of Hermione.
Hermione quickly shouts “Impervius!” at the Stormtrooper, but the spell doesn’t reach him before the blast from Kang’s gauntlet does. It hits him square in the chest, scorching his unprotected skin. He crumples to the floor in front of Hermione. Seething anger quickly washes over Miss Granger as she sees the Stormtrooper fall before her. Kang powers up his gauntlet again, but Hermione screams “Expelliarmus,” which causes Kang’s gauntlet to rip from his body and across the corridor. She then quickly aims her wand at the weapon and shouts, “Expulso!!” causing the gauntlet to explode. The force of the explosion slams both Hermione and Kang up against opposing walls. The witch is the first to get to her feet and leaps into the air as she points her wand and exclaims “Petrificus Totalus!!”
She stands over the now bound Kang, who is frozen stiff on the ground. “Now, you son of a bitch… you die!” She then aims her wand and says “Defodio.”
The vengeance pours out of her words as the spell begins to brutally carve at Kang’s chest. His pupils enlarge as tears begin welling up in his eyes. Blood begins to spurt from Kang’s now exposed rib cage. He tries to scream, but do to the body-binding curse; only muffled moans of agony can be heard as Hermione rushes back to the Stormtrooper. The cosmic energy has already eaten away at a significant part of his torso.
Hermione cradles the Stormtrooper in her arms as blood trickles out of his mouth. He looks up and manages to reach up with his hand and wipe away the tears that are pouring down her face as he says, “You know, I don’t care… cough… if you’re just the Life Model Decoy of….cough… Hermione. Thank you… for making… my… time… here….speci……”
“You insufferable, undignified, classless, sod. I’m not a Life Model Decoy,” she says as her sobbing becomes uncontrollable as Stormtrooper #15’s eyes close as he finally reaches the Fantasy Fantasy Graveyard. “I can’t believe you actually managed to weasel your way into my heart, and now you have the audacity to go and die on me!”
She then gently kisses him on the forehead as she carefully lays his head down. “Damn you.”
Hermione then stands up and brushes the debris from her skirt and wipes the tears away from her face. “Ok, pull yourself together Granger, this isn’t over with yet.”
She then looks out a window and sees a green aura rapidly approaching the Death Star. She races down the corridor towards the Overbridge. The door hisses open as she rushes in.
“Lord Vader, we have a situation,” she says to her leader.
“Yes, I’m aware,” he replies. “I just felt a great disturbance in the Force. Is everything alright?”
Shocked by such a question, she responds, “Yes my lord, everything is fine.”
Vader walks towards her and places his hand on her shoulder, “Do not think that your resolve is lost on me, Miss Granger.” He then turns back to the monitors as Silver Surfer approaches.
Outside the Death Star, Silver Surfer slows to a stop. He goes to one knee on the deck of his surfboard and closes his eyes. The green aura surrounding his ring pulses and grows at an exponential rate. It slowly starts to consume the space in front of him and begins to take shape. The enormous construct takes the form of the World Devourer, Galactus. Surfer stands back up on his board and opens his eyes as he then coats the Galactus construct with the Power Cosmic.
“Now, you will pay for your transgressions Backyardigans,” Silver Surfer says as his construct attacks the Death Star.
The Galactus construct raises its hand up and slams it down on the Death Star, smashing a large portion of its exterior. The “Kirby crackle” courses through the green willpower construct as Silver Surfer himself soars around the Death Star at such high speeds that he just becomes a silver streak wrapping around the space station.
Inside, the attack is causing utter and complete devastation, as Hermione makes a judgment call.
“Lord Vader we need to get out of here, NOW!” Hermione exclaims as Vader defiantly stands his ground.
“No, this Surfer will not defeat the Backyardigans!” he shouts as he slams his fists down on the console.
“I’m not asking,” she replies. “Accio!!”
Hermione casts a summoning charm as the Death Star continues to be destroyed by the Galactus construct and Silver Surfer. Her magic lamp flies into the Overbridge and Hermione catches it. She concentrates and rubs the side of the lamp. She makes a wish to teleport Darth Vader and herself down to the Playoff Planet as the Galactus construct pushes his massive green energy fingers into a fault line he has caused. Silver Surfer focuses and has the construct pull the Death Star apart, though by doing so, sets off a chain reaction in its hypermatter reactor that causes an enormous explosion, destroying the Galactus construct and sending Silver Surfer hurtling down to the planet like a falling meteor.
After leaving Bullseye with the Binary and her squad, Snake Plissken went into the subway system that sprawls out underneath the decrepit city. There he finds himself surrounded by a pair of Black Lanterns and a couple of X-Men.
“Looks like you picked the wrong tunnel, eh homme?” asks Gambit as he lights his cigarette with a match he just struck on a concrete pillar.
SNIKT.
Wolverine’s claws pop from his knuckles, “Should have brought backup, bub,” he says to Snake.
“Call me Snake,” the one-eyed criminal says as he lights a cigarette of his own with his green lantern ring. He then creates two green energy semi-auto assault rifles and spray the area with construct bullets. Gambit cartwheels out of harm’s way as Wolverine gets shot down by several energy bullets.
“Grrrr, that’s gonna cost ya,” Wolverine growls as he gets back to his feet.
“Put it on my tab,” retorts Snake as he’s tackle down to the subway tracks.
Wolverine swipes at Snake with his claws, but Plissken evades the attack, sparks go everywhere as Logan slices through the iron tracks. The two battle back and forth as the solidified spirit of Obi Wan Kenobi leads a team down to aid Plissken.
Gambit fires several of his kinetically charged playing cards at Bullseye, knocking him into a turnstile. The remaining members of the Wild C.A.T.s, led by Kahn attack Black Lantern Apocalypse as Obi Wan’s is ambushed by Black Lantern Parallax. The undead fear entity consumes the energy that Dr. Manhattan had bestowed upon the spirit, returning it to its spectral form.
“Snake, now is the time,” the Obi Wan’s spirit says to his teammate.
Snake blast Wolverine off of him and fires a single bullet from an energy constructed sniper rifle. The combination of the Force from Kenobi’s spirit and the green willpower is enough to destroy the Black Lantern, but at the cost of Kenobi’s life as well.
Black Lantern Apocalypse continues to fend off Kahn and the Wild C.A.T.s as Gambit and Bullseye acrobatically battle throughout the station. The Black Lantern quickly asserts his power by catching one of Zealot’s spin kicks and yanking her up off of the ground. He then grabs a hold of her at her ankles
“Pathetic,” Black Lantern Apocalypse comments as he proceeds to tear Zealot in half.
Zealot’s screams echo throughout the subway tunnels, until death quickly silences them. Voodoo then uses her magnetic abilities to launch a subway car from the tracks right at the Black Lantern. Shards of metal explode outward as Black Lantern Apocalypse smashes his way out.
“FOOL! Your fate shall be no different than that of your ally,” asserts Black Lantern Apocalypse.
“Neither will yours monster,” says Kahn as he leaps up, spins in the air and, not only slices Apocalypse ring-bearing hand off, but his head as well.
Lord Emp then follows this attack up by blasting the ring into smithereens with a powerful energy blast. Gambit now not only is dealing with Bullseye’s attack, but Voodoo as well. The mutant kicks open a token dispenser and picks up a pile of subway tokens.
“Take a ride, pretty lady,” quips Gambit as he fires the charged tokens at the former exotic dancer.
His is then blindsided by Bullseye who puts several shards of glass into Gambit’s back. Bullseye now gets back much of his confidences and cockily struts towards the downed mutant. He ignites his red lightsaber jumps on top of Gambit.
“Heh, looks like X marks the spot,” jokes Bullseye as he is about to come down for the killing blow to Gambit.
But Remy moves out of the way and knocks Bullseye down. He then grabs a fist full of tokens, charges them and jams them into Bullseye’s mouth.
“Don’t let your mouth write checks your butt can’t cash, eh homme,” says LeBeau as he holds Bullseye’s mouth shut.
The tokens exploding inside Bullseye’s mouth, covering Gambit with blood and brain matter. Wolverine and Snake continue to battle it out down a pitch black subway tunnel. Snake tries to keep him at bay, but Wolverine overcomes the attack and slices Snake’s arm off at the elbow. He comes in close and drives his claws deep into Plissken’s abdomen.
“Sorry bub, but I ain’t stoppin’ til I get that Championship back,” Wolverine says as he drops Snake to the ground.
Wolverine then hears “Hey Logan! Could you a lil’ help here,” as Gambit is being attacked by the rest of Team Sleeping Pussy.
The Cajun blocks Kahn lightsaber swipe with his electrostaff. He then spins around and sweeps Kahn’s legs out from underneath him and drives the electrostaff into his neck, sending the genetically engineered tyrant to the graveyard. Gambit has to quickly leap out of the way from Grifter’s gunfire as Wolverine races in to aid his teammate. Logan fires his S.P.I.N. Tech at Grifter and tackles him to the ground. With a savage swing rips Grifter’s mask off with his claws. He however also takes about 60% of the front of Grifter’s head off. Wolverine’s is now in a full berserker rage now as he turns his attention to Lord Emp.
“RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAA!!!!” growls Wolverine as the two small and hairy men with anger issues and an affinity for cigars rush towards each other.
Logan lunges and digs his claws deep into the Kherubim’s stomach. He savagely tears out Emp’s intestines, spilling them all over the subway floor. He is then lifted into the air by Voodoo and her magnetic powers. She starts to pull on the adamantium grafted to Logan’s skeleton. He winces in pain, but does not yell.
“Oh no ya don’t,” says Gambit as he runs in, swooping up Bullseye’s red lightsaber and plunges it right between Voodoo’s shoulder blades.
“Thanks… Remy,” Logan says as he drops back to the ground, slightly out of breath from holding back the pain.
The duo rush up the subway stairs and back out to the torrential downpour that continues to hammer the Planet. They see a flash of light as Darth Vader and Hermione teleport to the street ahead of them. The X-Men duo run to join their newly arrived teammates but are ambushed by Deathbird and Black Lantern Mr. Fantastic.
“Let’s see if I remove your heart, Logan without opening your chest,” the undead former leader of the Fantastic Four wraps his elastic body all around Wolverine.
His decaying fingers then thin out and stretch down Wolverine’s esophagus. Logan grunts in anguish as Black Lantern Mr. Fantastic continues to reach down his throat.
“Ahh, got it!” the Black Lantern says as grabs a hold of Logan’s still beating heart.
He then yanks his tendril-like fingers back out of the mutant’s mouth and with them, Wolverine’s heart.
“Let’s see you grow that back,” Black Lantern Mr. Fantastic quips as he proceeds to devour Logan’s heart.
Deathbird fiercely and relentlessly attacks Gambit, evading every charged object Gambit can manage to throw at her. She slashes at his chest with her talons and then fires one of her electrified javelins at the Cajun. The combination of the electricity from the javelin and the downpour of rain is too much for Gambit, and he is fried where he stands. His sizzling husk drops to the ground. As Deathbird stands over the still smoking corpse of her prey, she finds herself on the opposite end of such an attack. Darth Vader lights her up with a powerful jolt of Sith Lightning. The feathers on her wings go up quickly as her eyes bubble and burn out of their sockets.
Hermione then notices Team Sleeping Pussy’s own wizard across what’s left of the intersection of Tarantino Blvd and Cameron Ave. The Sorcerer Supreme levitates into the air and fires a spell at Granger.
“By the Flames of Faltine!” exclaims Dr. Strange as he targets Hermione.
Green flames shoot forth from Strange’s hands, but Hermione shouts “Protego Horribilis!” and blocks the fire. She volleys back with “Incendio!” and launches a fiery blast from her wand.
Strange protects himself by casting the Shields of Seraphim. “Girl you do not want to test me,” he says to Hermione.
She smirks and responds, “That’s funny, and you’re the second one today who’s arrogantly threatened me. I killed the last one.”
They both then simultaneously shout spells at each other. “Avada Kedavra!!!” “By The Crystals of Cyndriarr!!!” The green flames and yellow rectangular crystals collide and cause a back draft of magic that knocks both sorcerers back.
There is then an increasingly loud roar that fills the air, and followed quickly be the explosion of a sonic boom. It’s Silver Surfer, returning to battle.
“I am not done with you Vader!” Surfer exclaims.
He arches back and jerks forwards, firing an enormous blast of power cosmic wrapped in green willpower. Vader tries to block it with his lightsaber but the energy is too much and it overwhelms the Sith Lord, annihilating him.
Silver Surfer relaxes his tense muscles as he has defeated the Backyardigans’ leader. He then feels a weight on the back of his surfboard. As he turns around all he hears is the hum of a lightsaber slashing across his torso. Surfer looks down at his chest to see the power cosmic pouring from the open wound. He drops to his knees and looks up to see the real Darth Vader standing before him.
“Your power is nothing compared to the power of the Force,” Vader boldly says as he sends Silver Surfer to the Graveyard.
He then takes control of Silver Surfer’s surfboard he then turns to an advancing Black Lantern Mr. Fantastic and obliterates him with a combination of the Force and Power Cosmic. Dr. Strange regains his composure from being knocked back by the magical reverb. He looks up to see Silver Surfer slain and Darth Vader standing atop of the surfboard. Strange quiets his minds and starts to meditate. The Sorcerer Supreme levitates off the ground as the Eye of Agamotto begins to open.
“Oh no you don’t,” Hermione says as she climbs out of the rubble. “Avada Kedavra!”
Green flames shoot from her wand as Darth Vader also fires another blast of Sith Lightning and Power Cosmic. They impact Dr. Strange directly in the amulet. Strange explodes in a burst of bright white light. Darth Vader steps off the surfboard and begins to walk away.
He turns to Hermione, and says “Now, Miss Granger, the Championship will be ours.”
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Season Five Consolation Round (Builder's Scare)
Round 3: Home Depot or Lowe's
15 points
Prize: Chainsaw
Two quick things before we get to the match ups.
1) There will be a special "King of the Consolation Match" for the two teams that have gone undefeated in the Consolation rounds this year. In addition to winning a chainsaw, the team crowned "King of Consolation" will also receive a sledgehammer and a crowbar
2) As of right now, we don't know whether it will be Beckerman's Backyardigan Beeyatches or Team Sleeping Sleeping Pussy taking part in this round. I'd like to ask both of these teams to submit a roster, that way when we know who will be be joining us I can get the info to the Watcher in charge of that match and get it up ASAP.
The matches:
King of the Consolation Match: Xavier's Annihiliation Squad vs Layander's Super Orange Kitties (Seeney)
Universe Bowl rematch: Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Seeney)
Better Than All of You vs TEAM
Tijuana Taco Benders vs Transfoamers (Goof)
The Horsemen vs Logical Genocide
Griffin vs The Murderflies (Fizz)
George Washington's Slaves vs Team SP or Backyardigans (Nick)
Rosters will be due Monday June 25, by 11:30 pm
Thank you, and good luck.
15 points
Prize: Chainsaw
Two quick things before we get to the match ups.
1) There will be a special "King of the Consolation Match" for the two teams that have gone undefeated in the Consolation rounds this year. In addition to winning a chainsaw, the team crowned "King of Consolation" will also receive a sledgehammer and a crowbar
2) As of right now, we don't know whether it will be Beckerman's Backyardigan Beeyatches or Team Sleeping Sleeping Pussy taking part in this round. I'd like to ask both of these teams to submit a roster, that way when we know who will be be joining us I can get the info to the Watcher in charge of that match and get it up ASAP.
The matches:
King of the Consolation Match: Xavier's Annihiliation Squad vs Layander's Super Orange Kitties (Seeney)
Universe Bowl rematch: Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Seeney)
Better Than All of You vs TEAM
Tijuana Taco Benders vs Transfoamers (Goof)
The Horsemen vs Logical Genocide
Griffin vs The Murderflies (Fizz)
George Washington's Slaves vs Team SP or Backyardigans (Nick)
Rosters will be due Monday June 25, by 11:30 pm
Thank you, and good luck.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Consolation Round Confusion
Xavier's Annihilation Squad is Robin (Jason Todd) (w/ a blue lightsaber), Marvin the Martian, and Looney Tunes Gremlin #1
Logical Genocide is Jason Todd (w/ Cannon Gun)
Robin and Jason Todd awaken in the same cell... “You're me, aren't you” asks Robin. “It looks like it kid, I think this is some sick joke that Prof. Strange is playing on us,by throwing the two of us in the same cell”. Says Jason in reply. “We aren't supposed to fight each other though, right? I mean you are on Logical Genocide, and I am supposed to be fighting The Transfoamers”. Says Robin. “Well, lucky for you kid, because me vs. you wouldn't be much of a fight. I don't even need a crowbar. Although I've got to tell you I am pretty sure there are going to be some people trying to put you in here someday. Now let's go and get to the bottom of this”. Robin follows Jason Todd, as they pick the lock on their cell door with ease. They discuss how they know that they are not supposed to engage anyone from another team, which means they shouldn't even help each other in their respective fights; but neither of them is clear as to what is going on.
Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies are Denver: The Last Dinosaur, Quint (from Jaws), and Ewok #22.
The Transfoamers are Odd Job.
They find one empty cell with what appears to be a broken shark tooth laying in front of the open door. “Who the hell picks a lock with a shark tooth”? Says Jason. “Maybe Quint, he's on The Murderflies. And isn't that who you are fighting this week” replies Robin. Jason shrugs his shoulders and retorts sarcastically: “Jesus, kid do you think I know every roster by heart? I mean, who am I Ryan”? The not quite dynamic duo then come across another cell that has a broken door, but it appears that the cell door is cracked from the outside; possibly by something thrown from the inside. They see two more empty cells as well. One that looks like it was busted down by a dinosaur and the other looks like the door was just simply opened up. “It looks to me like whoever busted opened this cell, then freed his teammate next to him as well”. They follow the tracks on the dusty Arkham floor to see that Quint, Denver the Last Dinosaur, and Ewok #22 are all sitting Indian Style on the floor while Quint is telling old shark hunting stories. The Ewok starts bouncing and clapping while Denver says: “I think that means that we are now a part of the tribe”. “It looks like those guys are who I am supposed to kill in this match, that shouldn't be a problem”. Says Jason. But Robin guilts his older self in to first helping him find his own teammates and perhaps his opponent as well. Sure enough, as they move further down the dingy hallway, passing by cells full of people who are strange but not that strange to them. They pass a cell with frost covering the cell bars, and then one with vegetation growing out of the bars right next to it. They then here some maniacal laughing coming from two of them, and then unfortunately pass by one that reeks of rotten and raw fish. They finally after a bit of searching come across the two cells that contain Marvin the Martian and Looney Tunes Gremlin #1. “Well, you've got your teammates kid, now you are on your own. We've both got matches to win. Mine should be easy, good luck with yours”. Says Jason. “Why are you so confident” asks Robin. Jason answers: “Come on, this league is pretty easy to read. Why don't you use some of those detective skills that I am sure Batman is trying to shove down your throat everyday? I mean, I have to go up against an ewok, which are nothing but cannon fodder in this league, and in case you haven't noticed I have a cannon holstered at my side. And Denver the Last Dinosaur... Come on, like any watcher is going to do Denver the Last Dinosaur research before a consolation match. Those lazy bastards will just have me kill him with some swift maneuvers as soon as we are in a room together. That will just leave one old man, who I am sure the Watchers will give a little love too. But at the end of the day, it will come down to a closed-quarters fight, which will give me the edge”. Marvin the Martian nudges Robin and then whispers something to him, which causes Todd to give the whole Xavier's trio a dirty look. Robin says sheepishly: “Sorry, it's just that they think it is cool that you keep breaking the fourth wall”. “Oh... Well, they are right. It is”. Says Jason. At this point, the four pseudo-teammates have walked back towards the area where the Murderflies have gathered. Robin and his team watch as Jason Todd jumps in to attack. Jason fires his cannon gun and the first bullet instantly catches Ewok #22 in the face. The former Batman Sidekick then launches a grappling hook around the neck of Denver the Last Dinosaur and uses his own strength against him to break it with a swift tug. Jason then pulls out his cannon gun once more and takes aim at Quint. The old Navy Man, manages to knock the gun out of Jason's hand; but Jason attacks viciously with some hand to hand skills. Jason delivers a palm to the bridge of Quint's nose that sends the bone directly in to Quint's brain to kill him.
LOGICAL GENOCIDE IS VICTORIOUS!!
Robin is impressed as he sees this transpire but is immediately taken off guard when a spinning projectile hits The Looney Tunes Gremlin in the head and kills him. Robin takes evasive action, as the thrown hat returns to the hands of Odd Job. Odd Job throws the hat once again and kills Marvin the Martian by hitting him in the neck; but Robin uses his Birdarang to send the hat off course and stick in to the hard cement wall. Odd Job then moves swiftly towards Robin, but the sidekick moves even swifter. He ducks under the attack of Odd Job and then in one swift motion ignites his lightsaber and catches Odd Job from behind, and right through the chest.
XAVIER'S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!!
Logical Genocide is Jason Todd (w/ Cannon Gun)
Robin and Jason Todd awaken in the same cell... “You're me, aren't you” asks Robin. “It looks like it kid, I think this is some sick joke that Prof. Strange is playing on us,by throwing the two of us in the same cell”. Says Jason in reply. “We aren't supposed to fight each other though, right? I mean you are on Logical Genocide, and I am supposed to be fighting The Transfoamers”. Says Robin. “Well, lucky for you kid, because me vs. you wouldn't be much of a fight. I don't even need a crowbar. Although I've got to tell you I am pretty sure there are going to be some people trying to put you in here someday. Now let's go and get to the bottom of this”. Robin follows Jason Todd, as they pick the lock on their cell door with ease. They discuss how they know that they are not supposed to engage anyone from another team, which means they shouldn't even help each other in their respective fights; but neither of them is clear as to what is going on.
Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies are Denver: The Last Dinosaur, Quint (from Jaws), and Ewok #22.
The Transfoamers are Odd Job.
They find one empty cell with what appears to be a broken shark tooth laying in front of the open door. “Who the hell picks a lock with a shark tooth”? Says Jason. “Maybe Quint, he's on The Murderflies. And isn't that who you are fighting this week” replies Robin. Jason shrugs his shoulders and retorts sarcastically: “Jesus, kid do you think I know every roster by heart? I mean, who am I Ryan”? The not quite dynamic duo then come across another cell that has a broken door, but it appears that the cell door is cracked from the outside; possibly by something thrown from the inside. They see two more empty cells as well. One that looks like it was busted down by a dinosaur and the other looks like the door was just simply opened up. “It looks to me like whoever busted opened this cell, then freed his teammate next to him as well”. They follow the tracks on the dusty Arkham floor to see that Quint, Denver the Last Dinosaur, and Ewok #22 are all sitting Indian Style on the floor while Quint is telling old shark hunting stories. The Ewok starts bouncing and clapping while Denver says: “I think that means that we are now a part of the tribe”. “It looks like those guys are who I am supposed to kill in this match, that shouldn't be a problem”. Says Jason. But Robin guilts his older self in to first helping him find his own teammates and perhaps his opponent as well. Sure enough, as they move further down the dingy hallway, passing by cells full of people who are strange but not that strange to them. They pass a cell with frost covering the cell bars, and then one with vegetation growing out of the bars right next to it. They then here some maniacal laughing coming from two of them, and then unfortunately pass by one that reeks of rotten and raw fish. They finally after a bit of searching come across the two cells that contain Marvin the Martian and Looney Tunes Gremlin #1. “Well, you've got your teammates kid, now you are on your own. We've both got matches to win. Mine should be easy, good luck with yours”. Says Jason. “Why are you so confident” asks Robin. Jason answers: “Come on, this league is pretty easy to read. Why don't you use some of those detective skills that I am sure Batman is trying to shove down your throat everyday? I mean, I have to go up against an ewok, which are nothing but cannon fodder in this league, and in case you haven't noticed I have a cannon holstered at my side. And Denver the Last Dinosaur... Come on, like any watcher is going to do Denver the Last Dinosaur research before a consolation match. Those lazy bastards will just have me kill him with some swift maneuvers as soon as we are in a room together. That will just leave one old man, who I am sure the Watchers will give a little love too. But at the end of the day, it will come down to a closed-quarters fight, which will give me the edge”. Marvin the Martian nudges Robin and then whispers something to him, which causes Todd to give the whole Xavier's trio a dirty look. Robin says sheepishly: “Sorry, it's just that they think it is cool that you keep breaking the fourth wall”. “Oh... Well, they are right. It is”. Says Jason. At this point, the four pseudo-teammates have walked back towards the area where the Murderflies have gathered. Robin and his team watch as Jason Todd jumps in to attack. Jason fires his cannon gun and the first bullet instantly catches Ewok #22 in the face. The former Batman Sidekick then launches a grappling hook around the neck of Denver the Last Dinosaur and uses his own strength against him to break it with a swift tug. Jason then pulls out his cannon gun once more and takes aim at Quint. The old Navy Man, manages to knock the gun out of Jason's hand; but Jason attacks viciously with some hand to hand skills. Jason delivers a palm to the bridge of Quint's nose that sends the bone directly in to Quint's brain to kill him.
LOGICAL GENOCIDE IS VICTORIOUS!!
Robin is impressed as he sees this transpire but is immediately taken off guard when a spinning projectile hits The Looney Tunes Gremlin in the head and kills him. Robin takes evasive action, as the thrown hat returns to the hands of Odd Job. Odd Job throws the hat once again and kills Marvin the Martian by hitting him in the neck; but Robin uses his Birdarang to send the hat off course and stick in to the hard cement wall. Odd Job then moves swiftly towards Robin, but the sidekick moves even swifter. He ducks under the attack of Odd Job and then in one swift motion ignites his lightsaber and catches Odd Job from behind, and right through the chest.
XAVIER'S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!!
Monday, June 18, 2012
George Lucas Conference Finals: Miley Cyrus & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos vs George Washington's Slaves
Miley Cyrus & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos are: Head Coach Barack Obama w/General Grievous blue and green lightsabers, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, Winston Churchill w/Albus Dumbledore’s Wand all in the ID4 Spaceship a.k.a. “Commando-1, Kingdom Come Superman, Earth Two Superman, Buffy Summers w/blue lightsaber, Angel w/S.P.I.N. Tech, (Formerly Black Lantern) Optimus Prime w/Autobot Matrix of Leadership, Black Lantern Set, Zombie Polaris, Leon w/Yellow Lantern ring, Katniss Everdeen w/Green Lantern ring. Zombie Maxima, Xerxes, Dante, Luminara Unduli w/Blue Lantern ring, Baress Offee, Madame Blanc w/Yellow Lantern ring, Miss Tanner w/Red Lantern ring, Helena Markos w/Red Lantern ring, Suspiria Witch Coven #1 w/Indigo Lantern ring, Suspiria Witch Coven #2-5, Dr. Fate, Norma Cenva w/Green Lantern ring, Atrocitus, Zombie Wonder Girl, Maestro, Heimdall, Black Lantern Neo, White Lantern Deadman, Taylor Swift w/Sith Lanvarok, Carslie Cullen w/Star Sapphire Ring, The Sucker Punch Crew; Babydoll, Sweet Pea, Rocket, Blondie & Amber in her Bunny Mech Ship, Dozer #13, and Life Model Decoys 1-3.
George Washington’s Slaves are: Head Coach George Washington w/green lightsaber, Assistant Coach Robert E. Lee w/red lightsaber, Assistant Coach William Wallace, General Manager Bill Clinton w/green lightsaber, Defensive Coordinator Stonewall Jackson, Yoda w/Green Lantern ring, Kybuk, Sauron w/the One Ring, Non, Amazo, Cassandra Nova w/Demon Rod, Black Lantern Harry Potter, (Formerly Zombie) Rodimus Prime w/Autobot Matrix of Leadership, Cosmos, Roadbuster, Windcharger, Solomon Grundy, Skaar – Son of Hulk w/Red Lantern ring, Ymir, Runner, B’dg, Crash Bandicoot, Captain Crunch w/trident, Cave Dump, Juan Sanchez Villa Lobos Ramirez, Mr. Miracle w/S.P.I.N. Tech, Black Lantern Han Solo, Jaws the Shark, The Hydra, Sandworms #18-20, and Life Model Decoy #1.
The entire starting line-up of the Commandos, with the exception of Black Lantern Set, is aboard Commando-1 high up in space, awaiting a few words from their Head Coach. President Barack Obama makes his way to the podium that has been set up on a platform. He is joined by his War Cabinet; President Thomas Jefferson, President John Adams and Prime Minister Winston Churchill. Obama takes a moment to look over his team as they wait for him to speak. He clears his throat and then begins…
“There has never been a team that I am more proud to lead into battle than the one that stands before me right now,” Obama starts. “You are the finest soldiers I have ever had the honor to command. All of you have bled for this organization. You have all laid your very lives on the line week in and week out this season in our quest for the Championship. We have lost many this year. I would like to take this opportunity to acknowledge all they sacrificed so that we may be in this position once again. Teammates like Willow Rosenberg and Ellen Ripley.”
He turns and points to the enormous banner that hangs behind him, a banner that has their team logo emblazoned across it. Even our Assistant Coach, Dr. Doom, laid his life down so that we could defeat the nefarious Horsemen of Apokolips. We were fortunate enough when we lost Orion Pax against the vile TEAM, for our Black Lantern Optimus Prime to be resurrected by the wondrous powers of the Matrix. Prime, I hope there’s still a little magic left in that trinket.”
Barack shoots Optimus a wink, to which Prime nods back as to sooth Obama’s concerns.
The President and Head Coach continues, “And then there was Dora.” Obama pauses for a moment as he is caught off guard by a wave of emotion. “Our locker room has had a void in it ever since the Slaves took her from us. It’s known as “The House That Dora Built.” Are we going to let them take from us what all of our friends gave their lives for?! The Slaves have made a career out of keeping us from our goals. I say, enough is enough. Dora gave me a note before the final week of the season. She asked that if she did indeed fall that week, that I would read it to you if we met the Slaves in the Conference Finals.”
He pulls out a piece of paper from his jacket pocket. “It simply says… Send Yoda to me.”
Buffy Summers interjects, “But Mr. President, Yoda survived against the Horsemen. He doesn’t have 9 deaths.”
Barack listens to the Slayer and responds to her apprehensions, “Well then Ms. Summers. We’ll have to kill him twice.”
These are the Commandos’ Head Coach’s final words before teleporting his team to the Playoff Planet.
Meanwhile, George Washington stands in the middle of the Slaves’ locker room. He is surrounded by his starting line-up.
“My brave fellows, you have done all I asked you to do, and more than can be reasonably expected; but our quest for a championship is at stake. You have worn yourselves out with fatigues and hardships, but we know not how to spare you. If you consent to fight one match longer, you with render that service to the cause of a championship, and to your team, which you probably can never do under any other circumstances. Now join me in doing what we do best…. Let’s beat the Commandos.”
As the team begins to leave, Washington stops Yoda. “Master Yoda, how are you feeling, considering?”
Yoda turns slowly as one who is almost 900 years old would, “A day over 400 I barely feel sir.”
These two teams have a storied and epic rivalry between each other. They have fought countless times throughout the history of the Fantasy Fantasy League. This is the third time these teams each have made it to a Conference Finals and the second time they have faced off against each other for the right to represent their Conference in the illustrious Universe Bowl. Neither team has, nevertheless, reached the top of the mountain. This year, however, could be a different. George Washington’s Slaves have already defeated the very team they lost to in the 2009 Universe Bowl and the Commandos put on a dominating performance during this year’s regular season. However, only time will tell, as they first have to survive this confrontation.
Yoda, still missing an ear and his right arm, uses his Green Lantern ring to create an energy construct of his missing limb. He draws a line in the dirt with his lightsaber as the Commandos approach. The two teams, with the exception of a few members, are heading for a full on collision. Yoda flies through the air, lightsaber drawn, and attacks one of the Commandos’ biggest weapons. He flies around Maestro at incredibly high speeds, tagging him with multiple shots from his ring. The elder version of the Incredible Hulk is becoming more and more enraged. He claps his hands together and appears to squash the Jedi Master. But a bright green glow begins to poke out from between the jade giant’s fingers. The tip of Yoda’s green lightsaber then pierces through Maestro’s hand, which causes him to scream in pain and release his grip. Yoda survived the attack, and flies right into Maestro’s mouth. He then proceeds to explode his head from the inside out with a Force/green energy combo burst. Even with one real arm, Yoda takes out one of the Commandos’ heaviest hitters.
Not to be outdone, the Superman duo focuses in on Non quickly. The three Kryptonians battle it out fiercely. The brutish Non grabs a hold of Earth Two Superman’s cape and hurls him far off into the distance. Kingdom Come Superman retaliates and suplexes Non into the hard ground, driving him deep into the earth. E2 Supes rockets back in a flash just as Non burst out from the rock. Non’s eyes burn red hot as he lets loose a beam of heat vision, but the Superman pair fire back with their own. They overpower the former Phantom Zone prisoner and use a combination of their freeze breath and then double uppercuts to shatter the brute.
As the brunt of both teams continue to battle, Madame Blanc leads the Witch Coven to engage the monsters that dwell in the nearby waters. The Witches, who several have had their powers augmented due to their acquisition of various Lantern rings, are not clear as to what they are about to face, only that they were charged with the task of destroying the Slaves’ water forces. Blanc, Markos, and Tanner survey the scene as they send their coven in closer to investigate. Susperia Witch #1 (SWC #1) uses her Indigo Lantern ring to tap into Madame Blanc’s Yellow Lantern ring and create a construct that spread across the water, allowing them to walk over it.
“There is nothing here, but death dear sisters,” remarks Susperia Witch #3 as she conjures a spell vision spell that allows her to view what was, what is and what will be.
“Of course,” Madame Blanc quickly snaps back. “That is exactly what we are here to do. Create death. Pain. And most importantly FEAR.”
The yellow construct begins to quake and crack as something from the water below attacks it. There is then a big eruption of water as the Hydra monster bursts from the water and destroys the witches’ construct. Several of the witches are tossed from their feet and splash into the water. The ring wielding witches fly high above the water as the Hydra attacks. The monster, however, is not alone. A grey fin peaks out of the water and is coming fast at SW #4. The witch tries to use her magic, but it’s too late. Jaws pulls her underwater, never to been seen again. The area where SW #4 once was is now dyed a dark red from her blood.
“Sisters! Help us!” Susperia Witch #5 yells to her teammates as SW #3 is eaten alive by Jaws.
Helena Markos and Miss Tanner are preoccupied with fending off the several heads of the Hydra to hear their sister’s pleas for help. Madame Blanc, however, hears them just find and uses them to power her Yellow Lantern ring. SW #5 attempts to curse Jaws in hopes to turn it against the Hydra, but to no avail. The great white shark bears down on the witch and swallows her whole.
“Sisters, would you please do away with this nuisance,” Madame Blanc asks of the remaining members of her Coven.
The Red and Indigo Lantern ring wielding witches swoop down towards the water as Madame Blanc slings a large yellow energy cage around the Hydra. Jaws is finishing off SW #2 as the shark is hit by a spray of red plasma that is coupled with several evil spells cast by SW #1. Jaws begins to burn and melt away as it thrashes in the water. Miss Tanner, Helen Markos and SW #1 continue their attack on the shark, but Jaws will not go down. It leaps out of the water and rips Miss Tanner’s legs off before Markos finishes it off. The hideously ancient looking witch uses her mastery of the dark arts and channels it into her red plasma to finally dispel Jaws for the final time.
“Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!” screams SW #1 as the Hydra monster breaks free of the yellow energy cage and uses three of its heads to rips her limb from limb.
The three main members of the Susperia Witch Coven focus their powers towards the beast and manage to destroy four of its nine heads. But eight more heads rapidly re-grow in their place. The new heads then unleash their poisonous breath on Miss Tanner, which break through her red energy and burn the skin from the witch’s face and body. Her smoldering skeleton drops from the air and into the water. Madame Blanc and the revolting looking Helen Markos continue their efforts but are overwhelmed by the sheer amount of heads that the serpent monster has. The Hydra shrieks into the air, the sound of which is heard miles away where many other battles are taking place. Though in the swamp near by another battle is forming.
Atrocitus mucks way through the swamp. The first thing that strikes him is the smell, stagnant water and rotting vegetation. The next thing that hits him is a massive fist.
"BORN ON A MONDAY!!!!!" screams Solomon Grundy as Atrocitus staggers back from the mighty blow. Atrocitus feels the rage start to rise and bubble within him, but forces himself not to give into it, for if he were to give in and unleash the burning, red power of the rage it would light Grundy up like kindling and he has further use for the beast. The leader of the red lanterns gets back up to his feet.
"Have it your way," he smirks and charges the massive monster.
The two exchange a few blows, rocking each other back and forth. Grundy gains the advantage and is about to stomp Atrocitus when suddenly and pink crystal explodes out of Grundy's midsection. Before anyone can process what's just happened. Carslie Cullen jumps onto Grundy's back and begins to feed on the creature, finishing him off.
"Stop!" screams Atrocitus "Don't completely drain him"
"I…can't drink much more anyway" says the vampire. "The blood....is tainted..... I'm...poi-" and with that Cullen falls to the ground, completely dead.
Atrocitus shakes his head and grunts in recognition of the sacrifice his teammate has made for him. He removes the oddly glowing crystal, then stands over the massive body of Solomon Grundy and begins his arcane ritual he recites the red lantern oath as he smears the rotting blood of his foe on the ground to divine the future.
"This…makes no sense. The blood...so much black. What can…"
Suddenly a blast hits the red lantern in the shoulder knocking him to the ground and interrupting him before he makes sense of what he's seen. He looks up and sees black lantern Han Solo smirking at him.
"Hiya beautiful. Let's dance," says the undead smuggler.
Atrocitus roars and unleashes the burning red plasma he'd been fighting to contain. Solo is instantly vaporized, and then his ring begins to reform him.
"Remember me?" he says and whips out his blaster and fires. This time Solo's shots miss and he dives out of the way of Atrocitus' return volley.
"You may as well give up," says Solo "I can do this way more than you can"
The red lantern knows he's correct. He looks around for anything that could aid him, when he notices the corpse of Solomon Grundy and the bright pink crystal. The crystal continues to be flickering between pink and a faint green. Atrocitus fires off another blast from his ring to keep Solo at bay as he investigates. He smiles as he gets a closer look at what helped to fall Solomon Grundy.
"Come, smuggler," bellows Atrocitus. "I yearn to break your pretty face with my fists."
"Whatever, gruesome," says the black lantern "Hell, first shots on the house."
"All I need is one," smiles Atrocitus as he slams the crystal right into Solo's chest.
"YeeeeoWWW'. What ever will I do no-" begins Han then looks down and sees what Atrocitus' weapon was. The smile dies on his face. For contained inside the crystal is B'dg-and his Green Lantern ring.
"Looks like you can't go as long as I can," smiles Atrocitus as he fires at the crystal causing it, and the rodent sized green lantern contained within to explode and unleashing just enough green energy to help the red power finally but Han Solo down for good.
"Oh, Slaves," snarls Atrocitus "The rest of you shall burn just as these fools did. The blood never lies!" and he takes off to find more victims to unleash his burning hatred upon.
A trio of zombified super-heroines stammer their way down a deserted road as the street lights flicker in the night sky. The once glorious and elegant city of the Playoff Planet is now a husk of itself. Windows are shattered. The pavement is torn up from years of confrontations. The faint smell of blood stales the air. Zombie Polaris grunts as she raises her decaying arms into the air. She moans as the abandoned cars that litter the street fly out of their way. Zombie Maxima haphazardly flies through the air, when she spots a lone member of the Slaves close by.
“Hhhnnnnnn, bbbrrrrrraaaaaiiinnnnsss,” growls Zombie Maxima as she flies towards Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramirez.
The Immortal draws his katana blade as Zombie Maxima bears down on him. With one swipe, he takes her left arm off. This attack sends her careening into a nearby building. The walking dead continue their three to one gang up on Ramirez, Zombie Wonder Girl claws at his face and head, but he kicks her down. Zombie Polaris uses her powers of magnetism to pull his sword from his hand. It however flies out of control through the air and decapitates the decaying daughter of Magneto. Zombie Maxima craws out from the building that she crashed into earlier, now also missing a leg from the impact and flies back into the fight. The two rotting women knock Ramirez down to the ground and begin to feast on his body. They rip open his chest and pull his lungs, stomach, and other various organs out of his body. The truly unfortunate thing is that since they did not start with his head, Ramirez is alive when they begin to eat him. He tries to fight them off, but the pain is too excruciating. Finally Zombie Maxima pushes her decomposed thumbs into his eye sockets and uses what’s left of her super strength to tear his head clean off.
A powerful release of energy shoots out of Ramirez’s headless corpse as the Quickening burst forth from his body. The energy is too much for Zombie Wonder Girl to contain and explodes from the power. Zombie Maxima is blown back down the street, but survives. Windcharger peels down the street and sees the expulsion of the Quickening from the street ahead.
“Aww man, Cave Dump! I think Ramirez just bought the farm,” exclaims the Autobot.
His passenger, Cave Dump replies by defecating on his seat and smearing it on the inside of the Pontiac Trans Am.
“Seriously!?! Did you seriously just do that?!?!” yells Windcharger as he squeals his tires and slams into Zombie Maxima.
Cave Dump jumps out of the Autobot, spear in hand and jams it into the zombified Almerac princess’s chest. She however pulls it deeper in, so to bring Cave Dump within her reach. She grabs a hold of his stringy white hair and black bear pelt and pulls him in closer. She chomps down on his shoulder as Windcharger transforms. The Cro-Magnon screams out in agony as the zombie continues to make him dinner.
“Sorry, buddy, but I gotta,” Windcharger says reluctantly as he stomps on both Zombie Maxima and Cave Dump. “Plus, you smeared crap on my interior.” The Autobot then radios Head Coach Washington who is currently aboard Cosmos, and heading for Commano-1. “Sir, we lost Ramirez and Cave Dump, but managed to take down their trio of zombies.”
High above the planet, Head Coach Washington responds to the update, “Ok, thank you for the update Windcharger, rendezvous with Roadbuster and continue your assault.” He turns to his coaching staff and erupts. “Damn it!! How do we lose a goddamn Immortal?? They’re immortal for Christ’s sake!”
“My heart bleeds at the death of every one of our gallant men,” says Lee.
“It matters not. We came here with no peaceful intent,” begins William Wallace, “but for battle, determined to avenge our wrongs and obtain our team a chance at the championship.”
“I agree with Wallace,” responds Washington. “We have already put an end to the Commandos’ perfect season. It’s time to end their season completely.”
“Yesterday is yesterday. If we try to recapture it, we will only lose tomorrow,” replies Clinton.
Washington snaps around and barks, “Quiet Clinton!”
“The time for war has not yet come, but it will come, and that soon; and when it does come, my advice is to draw the sword and throw away the scabbard,” says Stonewall Jackson.
“Alright Cosmos, let’s kick in the afterburners,” Washington says as his cabinet prepares for war.
The green flying saucer accelerates through the blackness of space towards Commando-1 as the conflict wages on down on the planet below.
The Commandos know that the Slaves will have sent their Sandworms into battle and have decided it’s better to fight them now rather than the possibilities of their ranks being too dwindled later. Obama sends Norma Cenva along with his two mighty Cymeks into the arid wastelands of the Playoff Planet. The daughter of the Supreme Sorceress of Rossak argued with her Head Coach over this decision, as it was Xerxes himself that brutally tortured her in the past. But the President was persistent, and assured her that she did not have to lead them, but rather simply unleash them on the Sandworms. Cenva reluctantly agreed. She uses her Green Lantern ring to fire several shots into the sand as the massive mechanized Xerxes flies overhead, casting a large shadow over the hot sand. The ground begins to move like a rolling current as the Sandworms awaken. The strong scent of cinnamon fills the dry air. Lightning comes out of nowhere as there are no storm clouds in the air. Sandworm #18 bursts out of the sand and consumes the Cymek known as Dante whole before it can ever even get a single shot off. Xerxes swoops in and unloads its missiles down upon the Sandworm. The payload explodes and rips through Sandworm #18’s body. This attack causes the other two Sandworms to erupt from the desert, only this time to reach high into the air and clip the wings of Xerxes. The Cymek spins out of control, but Norma Cenva casts a green energy aura around Xerxes and directs it right towards the gaping maw of Sandworm #20. Right before the Sandworm closes its mouth and slams back into the earth, Cenva fires a sniper-accurate shot from her Green Lantern ring that detonates Xerxes’ fuel cell and explodes the Cymek within the Sandworm, killing both of them in the process. Norma smirks slightly at the sight of Xerxes’ demise. She then flies high into the sky to evade the final Sandworm. She then sees down in the sand a streak of red energy swiftly jet across. Atrocitus’s prophecy has led him here to the barren dunes against this monstrous being.
“So much rage and anger,” Norma Cenva comments to herself as she reads the mind of her furious and determined ally. “Let’s see if we can put it to some use.”
She focuses her powers and overtakes Atrocitus’ mind for a moment. She uses her Green Lantern ring to swoop down beside him as they wait for the Sandworm to erupt back out of the desert. The great Shai-Hulud emerges from beneath them and consumes the pair. Deep within the belly of the beast, Norma Cenva then releases Atrocitus from her control, which only sends him into a berserker rage. She protects herself from the eruption of red plasma coming out of Atrocitus. They both then use their rings to rip open the final Sandworm from the inside out. The duo climb out of the Sandworm carcass as Cenva looks upon the devastation she has wrought in what very well could be her final outing. The sky above them all of a sudden becomes increasingly dark.
Atrocitus stammers backwards, “No…. the black. It is coming. Just like the prophecy. Prepare yourself woman!”
Cenva then feels something strange in the back of her head. Norma screams out in agony, dropping to her knees as she grasps her forehead in pain.
“You think you’re the only telepath in this battle, child?” asks Cassandra Nova as she invades Cenva’s mind. The mutant never physically attacks her as she is standing on a far off dune.
The two battle within Cenva’s mind as Atrocitus is confronted by another who wields a ring….The One Ring. Sauron. Norma lets out a scream that penetrates the dark sky as blood drips from her eyes and nose. She drops to the ground motionless and defeated. Atrocitus unleashes a powerful roar as he spews bright red plasma at the Lord of Mordor. Sauron slightly leans back and extends his arms out as the plasma washes over his black armor. He then turns slightly and levels Atrocitus with a hard back hand swing of his mace. The leader of the Red Lantern Corps sails backwards, crashing into the sand. Sauron stalks his prey and steps on Atrocitus’ forearm, pinning it to the ground. He then raises his mace and brings it down, crushing both Atrocitus’ hand and ring. He then finishes off Atrocitus once and for all, showing him exactly who the true ring master is.
High above the planet, Sweet Pea and the other girls from the Lennox house for the Mentally Insane prepare for their part of this war. Rocket presses play on their stereo system as Babydoll steps forward. She begins to sway back and forth and then starts into the most erotic dance you will never see. All five girls are then teleported down to the planet via Babydoll’s dancing. Amber climbs up into her Bunny Mech Unit as the rest of them check their weapons. They creep through the deserted rocky highlands of the Planet. Off in the distance, beyond the mountains, you can see flashes multi-hued energy beams streaking across the sky as the battle wages on.
“Ok, I’ll cover you girls from the air, now let’s take care of some business!” radios Amber as the thrusters of her Mech Unit thunders her up into the sky. Rocket carefully surveys the area with her scope.
“Looks like we’re all clear,” comments Rocket with a smirk.
“Girls, think again… we’ve got company!” Amber radios down after locking on to Roadbuster and Windcharger who are driving down the hillside at top speeds. Windcharger is quite a bit ahead of the more heavily armored Roadbuster, who is kicking up a large plume of debris in his wake. The four Sucker Punch girls take cover behind various boulders and broken fencing that jut out from the countryside. Windcharger arrives on the scene first. The Pontiac Trans Am fires into the air, barrel rolls into his robot transformation. He takes aim with his arms and targets Amber. He uses his magnetic abilities to wreak havoc on her navigation control and begins to pull the rivets right out from their securing’s.
The magnetic pull, yanks on the Mech Unit and causes Amber to drop the lollipop out of her mouth, which only enrages the pilot.
“Oh you son of a…” she grumbles to herself as she frantically, but with 100% focus, presses the buttons and flips numerous switches on her control panel.
“Amber!” shouts Blondie, who leaps over the wooden fencing and opens fire on Windcharger. Rocket backs her up as Babydoll and Sweet Pea draw their swords. The duo rushes in, narrowly evade the incoming barrage of missiles courtesy of Roadbuster who is still barreling down the road. They race under the Autobot and slice Windcharger’s hydraulic tubing near his ankle joints. The Autobot drops to his knees as Amber uses her thrusters to blast down and stomp on Windcharger’s head, killing the transformer.
“Heh, make me drop my lollipop, will ya,” quips Amber as she is about to blast back off into the air. Her Bunny Mech Unit, however, explodes into a ball of fire as Roadbuster connects with one of his heat-seekers.
The girls scatter as Roadbuster transformers and sprays the area with a stream of laser blasts. Rocket ambitiously runs right for Roadbuster and scales up his back. She targets where his shoulders and neck meet and unloads her gun. However the Autobot is heavily reinforced and it does not take him down. His shoulder mounted rocket launcher swings around and “launches Rocket” off of him. She sails through the air and slams into the rocky wall that stretches high into the air next to the road. The other three girls spin, jump and flip through the air in an effort to evade Roadbuster’s assault. Blondie is clipped in the leg by a laser blast and crashes to the road. The Slaves’ heavy artillery soldier overtly finishes her off by shooting a grenade that leaves a giant crater in the area of the road where Blondie once was.
“Babydoll, we’ve got to put an end to this guy, or we’re finished,” Sweet Pea says to Babydoll as they retreat behind a large boulder.
“Ok, you go that way and I’ll draw his attention,” replies Babydoll as she runs out into the middle of the street.
“Wait! Babydoll!” yells Sweet Pea. She then looks up to see a quick blink of red far away in the sky. But focuses back on Babydoll.
Rocket finally regains consciousness and looks up to see Babydoll slowly beginning to walk towards the towering transformer as he reloads his weapons. She looks over to see her sister coming around from the other side. Roadbuster begins firing right at Babydoll, but is somehow missing her with every shot. Babydoll’s katana blade glistens in the sunlight, still wet with hydraulic fluid from Windcharger. She then begins to run right at Roadbuster. She ducks, dodges and weaves through all the firepower Roadbuster is letting loose at her. Rocket gets back to her feet and lays down some covering fire for Babydoll. This distract Roadbuster for a moment. Sweet Pea then flanks Roadbuster and races towards him as well. The three girls converge on him and begin to back him up. He drops down to a knee as Rocket closes in on the Autobot and climbs up onto him again.
Sweet Pea then sees that same blink of red light in the air, only this time, it’s rapidly approaching.
“Rocket! Look out!!” yells Sweet Pea.
Rocket turns around just in time to see Amazo’s fist about an eighth of an inch away from her face, which is the last things she sees. Amazo then uses his heat vision to rip through the road, sending rubble shooting into the air, knocking Sweet Pea down. Babydoll, however is unfazed by this additional attack. She runs in and jams her katana blade right up under Roadbuster’s chin. The Autobot drops to the ground next to Babydoll. She looks up to see Sweet Pea desperately trying to defend herself from Professor Ivo’s android. But he is not only too strong and durable for her, but too quick as well. Amazo moves a the speed of The Flash and snatches the beautiful blonde up off of her feet. He swings her around just as Babydoll fires a shot from her pistol. The bullet strikes Sweet Pea in the chest as she it flung through the air. Amazo then uses his heat vision to fully lobotomize the teenager. The android then flies off to continue his part in this confrontation.
The shriek of Black Lantern Set can be heard across the entire planet as the rest of the combatants continue their battle. Professor Ivo’s android has already returned to the forces of the Slaves after just moments earlier dispatching the remainder of the Sucker Punch Crew. Amazo flies right for the Black Lantern Set and pays dearly for his arrogance. The undead cosmic being unleashes blackened cosmic fire that fully consumes Amazo, returning him to nothing but cinder. Black Lantern Set then continues his utter annihilation of any and everything that comes before him. Crash Bandicoot and Captain Crunch are destroyed in almost an afterthought from what comes next. The green aura from the energy constructed arm of Yoda glows bright as the shadow of the mighty serpent covers all. His focus is locked on bringing down the unholy being. But there is something standing at the top of one of serpent’s heads. Something small.
“Hey! Yoda, vieja bastardo. Pense que estaba muerto, no? Tengo todavia inconcluso. Y used tiene un billete para el cementerio. Uno que tengo intencion de punetazos,” says the shadow figure as she steps out into the light.
It’s Dora the Explorer. She jumps off of the head and slides down the serpent as she ignites her two lightsabers and lunges at the Jedi Master. Yoda fires several shots from his Green Lantern ring, but the determined Dora blocks them with her lightsabers. The two small combatants square off as everyone around them almost stop their own battles after seeing Dora’s return to the battlefield. If they weren’t at a stand still before, they are now. Dora spins around Yoda’s lightsaber thrust and drives her own lightsabers into the Jedi’s back.
She then whispers into the one remaining ear Yoda has, “No eres el unico que busco.”
Sparks fly out of the lightsaber wounds as the green construct arm flickers out. The Green Lantern ring then leaves Yoda’s hand and flies through the air. As a mysterious voice speaks out from what seems to be thin air.
“Not who say you are either, little one,” the voice says.
Black Lantern Harry Potter flies overhead and remarks, “Well I guess we don’t need this spell anymore.”
All of a sudden, Yoda, fully restored to peak health, perched upon his loyal Kybuck appears as Black Lantern Harry Potter’s Invisibility Spell is lifted. Yoda has been patiently controlling his Green Lantern ring from a distance in an effort of misdirection.
Prior to this Conference Finals, Head Coach President Washington confers with his war cabinet over their battle strategies. They diligently look over the map of the Playoff Planet they have laid out across their conference table.
“From what we know of the Commandos, we have the upper hand in several of the terrains on the planet,” Washington says to his staff. He moves around the map. “We have the water well in hand with our additions of the Hydra and Jaws from this year, as well as our continuing dominance in the desert courtesy of our Sandworms. Ymir should prove useful if the battle ends up in the Artic…”
Washington is then interrupted by the entrance of one of his closest and oldest confidants. Yoda, still badly injured from the Slaves’ battle against the Horsemen of Apokolips, slowly makes his way into the war room.
“Moment of your time, hrmmph, I request Mr. President,” asks the Jedi Master.
“Of course Master Yoda,” replies Washington. He then motions to his staff, “We’ll pick this up later. Please if you will.”
His cabinet leaves the room and closes the door. Washington kneels to one knee so he can speak closer to his old friend, considering he is currently missing an ear.
“What is it dear friend?” he asks.
Yoda lets out a deep sigh. “A heavy heart, I have,” he begins. “Failed you I have.”
“Nonsense! You defeated the Commandos in the final week of the Regular Season and bested the Horsemen in the First Round of the Playoffs. How could you say something like that?” a shocked Washington responds.
“That victory, too great was the price,” Yoda replies. “Wounded I am. Enough to defeat two Supermans… I am not.”
“I know what you are about to ask me, and I beg you, do not ask it,” pleads Washington. “I will not sacrifice you. I….. can’t.”
“Your decision…it… is not,” Yoda tells his Head Coach. “Become one with the Force, I must. Worry you must not. Return I will.”
And with those comments, Master Yoda seems to simply disappear as his cane drops from where his one remaining arm was holding it. His robe slowly floats to the ground. Washington’s head drops as he watches Yoda dissipate from existence. He picks up Yoda’s lightsaber that had also dropped to the ground and shouts for his Cabinet to return for further planning. Lee, Wallace, Clinton and Jackson all appear confused and slightly shocked at the absence of Master Yoda. George Washington grips Yoda’s lightsaber tighter and ignites the green blade. Determination with a hint of anger washes over his face.
“Alright…Listen up. We have a new plan.”
Back into the present time, Yoda leaps off of Kybuck and uses his Green Lantern ring to obliterate the Life Model Decoy that is impersonating Dora the Explorer. He then flies into the air, leaving a comet tail of green energy in his wake. Yoda zips up the long body of one of Black Lantern Set’s heads, wrapping it in green energy, which constricts around the serpent and explodes it. The other six heads screech out as they feel the pain from the dying head. Together they violently blast their dark cosmic energy into the sky, trying to eliminate the unwavering Jedi Master, but to no avail. Yoda then bursts straight up into the air and comes rocketing back down in between the remaining heads of Black Lantern Set. He drives into the very heart of the monster, causing an eruption of black cosmic energy that shoots high enough to break through the atmosphere and out into the abyss of space.
Kybuck valiantly leaps into the massive cavern where Black Lantern Set once stood. Moments later, it leaps back out carrying Yoda on its back.
“Slaves, now. The time is,” Yoda sternly states to his teammates as he takes his proper place in charge of the field forces of the Slaves.
As the battle wages on, with Yoda at the helm, George Washington leads his war cabinet towards their own objective in about the Planet.
“I’ve just received word that Master Yoda has revealed himself to the Commandos and has full control of the battle down on the Planet. We, however, are going to have to take out The Commando's leaders, and to do that we are going to have to board that ship,” says Gen. Washington to his crew. He finishes, by saying: “Cosmos, we are going to need you to get as close as you can to that craft, without being noticed. Gen. Lee, Gen. Jackson, Gen. Wallace, Draft-Dodger Clinton. Be ready for a quick exit. Cosmos, do you think you can navigate the trench below the troop-release hatch, without being noticed in order to get us inside?”
Cosmos answers: “I'm not sure Coach? That is going to take some serious flying.”
Washington responds with: “If my men and I could navigate the Delaware on Christmas Day, to win The Battle of Trenton, than you can get us through that trench Cosmos. You have been a valuable asset to this team since day 1, don't let us down now.”
Cosmos navigates swiftly, but secretly through the open-air troop trench inside The Commando 1, when he sees an exit to his left and an oxygen-rich area to his right.
“This must be the Commandos main base of operations,” says Gen. Lee to the rest of the crew.
Cosmos sets himself down carefully while Gen. Washington and his troops move with perfect precision out of Cosmos' main hatch.
“Now get out of here Autobot, and leave this to us. The rest of the team needs you out there,” Washington orders.
“Yes, sir; and thank you sir. It has been a pleasure to serve under you for these past five great seasons. There is no better; or other captain, coach, or President I could ever serve,” says Cosmos.
Washington retorts with a smile, “Don't mention it soldier. I'll see you back at the base. I'll have the energon chilled and ready for you.”
“Somehow I doubt that sir,” says Cosmos to himself as he flies back out of the ID4 ship and returns to the battle.
The five Army Chief of Staffs, sneak up upon the control room and peer into the door window. Inside they see: Pres. Barack Obama, Pres. Thomas Jefferson, Pres. John Adams, Prime Minister Winston Churchill, and Pres. Benjamin Harrison; all sitting down at a table. The table is covered in blue prints and game plans for this Conference Finals Match-up; but that doesn't seem to be what they are discussing.
Stonewall Jackson says, “How the hell did Benjamin Harrison get a seat with these guys. I don't ever remember The Commandos wasting a draft pick on him?”
“Maybe they just picked him up on waivers,” says Gen. Jackson.
“Maybe this is a costume party with a “lesser-known Presidents theme”?” adds Pres. Clinton as he snickers to himself, and nudges Stonewall, who can't help but chuckle a bit.
“Maybe they met up with him at the gay bar, while they were looking for your FATHER”!! says William Wallace in his typical enraged tone.
Robert E. Lee then adds, “Great theories guys, I'm thinking he is probably an L.M.D. Either way, we need to take him out with the rest of these rebels.”
“Hey Rob, watch that “Rebel” S**t. If people hear you talking like that while I'm hanging around, than I'm gonna lose my mantle as the first black president,” fires Clinton.
Inside the room, and equally amazing conversation is taking place between The Commando's leadership.
Adams slams the rest of his hard cider and says: “Well, the only reason I wasn't elected twice, is because the people were afraid I would become KING AND MY SONS WOULD TAKE OVER!!”
“Settle down John,” says Jefferson as he sips his cabernet. “I heard all of this while I was your vice-president, now do you guys think that Washington will bring any of his young lady slaves with him, during this battle.”
Benjamin Harrison seems a bit outclassed but he takes a sip of Dewars and chases it with some Honest Tea. “Well, my Granddad was only president for thirty days, and I'm the only guy who was president both before and after Grover Cleveland.”
Adams and Jefferson both look over at Harrison in a condescending fashion, when Obama takes a drag off of his Marlboro Red and says, “Don't feel bad guys, at least you were dead before he was president and have an excuse for not knowing who the hell he is.”
Churchill slams another shot of Johnnie Walker Red Label and says, “I do believe that you people are drunker on your own history than I am off of this scotch.”
At this exact moment, Winston falls off of his chair and drops his wand, that he was using as a cigar-holder as William Wallace, with the rest of the gang bust through the door.
“I hope that's the best thing from Scotland you've ever swallowed, cause here comes the WORST!!” says Wallace as he takes off Churchill's head with his broadsword.
John Adams begins screaming at the Slave's Squad to vacate the premises, while Thomas Jefferson throws a book at them and Barack Obama tosses Grievous' old blaster to Adams and ignites two lightsabers for himself. Benjamin Harrison's head begins to spark as he catches a saber to the face from Stonewall Jackson, while William Wallace starts screaming about freedom while bloodying his knuckles on every piece of machinery in the room. Obama uses his green lightsaber to cut off slick Willy's hand, before he locks in a fierce lightsaber dual with Gen. Washington. Adams begins unloading Grievous' old blaster at Robert E. Lee, who holds up his lightsaber to defend himself. Lightsabers light up the control room and the controls, while blaster fire does even more damage.
The one-handed Bill looks over at our current president and says, “Hey Barry, I know that neither of us are computer experts; but as the only two guys here born in the 20th Century, don't you think that it is bad that all of these controls are smoking and that the ship seems to be losing control?”
Washington, who has momentarily stopped dueling with Illinois' former Senator says, “We are all about to go down with this ship aren't we?”
The flash of light happens next, but before the boom they all hear Bill say, “Ha, it looks like it Mr. Presidents, I think we are all fuh.........”
The cataclysmic explosion of Commando-1 is so large and blinding, it was seen on the battlefield as the Commandos and Slaves continue to vie for the Conference Title. Runner is streaking across the plains at the speed of light as Heimdall stands silent and steadfast. The Asgardian spins around and takes one swipe with his sword. The Elder of the Universe doesn’t even see the attack coming and runs right into the path of the blade. Runner’s two halves tumble out of control as Heimdall takes a moment to look up into the sky, knowing that his Head Coach sacrificed himself for the greater good. Then, without warning, Heimdall is blasted back by red plasma.
“Who dares?!” bellows Heimdall.
The answer he is given is one of rage. Skaar slams into the Asgardian and tackles him to the ground. Heimdall shakes the stars from his vision as he regains his footing only to be leveled by a vicious roundhouse from the Son of Hulk. Heimdall shakes his head, in an effort to refocus himself. As he regains his footing he looks up to see Skaar spewing red plasma all over Baaress Offee, killing the Jedi.
The yellow in Heimdall’s eyes now burn with anger. “You there!” he bellows with his smooth baritone voice. “I have seen what your father can do to us Asgardians, and let me assure you,” Heimdall then winds up and lands a double fisted uppercut to the chin of Skaar. “You…are NOT your father.”
The Asgardian wields his sword as he charges Skaar, who has now been forced into a defensive position. He spews red plasma at the sprinting demi-god, but Heimdall deflects the attack with his sword. Skaar enraged as well, charges towards Heimdall. The sheer impact caused from the collision of the two powerhouses, sends a stream of red plasma and magic laced shockwave radiating through out the surrounding battlefield. As the dust settles, there is a glint of gold that can be seen. It is Heimdall’s golden armor that can be seen emerging from the clearing smoke. His face bloodied, his armor scratched and tarnished, but Heimdall is still upright and on his feet. Skaar, however, is not to be seen. Heimdall then takes several steps forward before dropping to his knees and falling dead. Skaar climbs out of the rubble they have caused, victorious. The Son of Hulk unleashes a dominant roar into the sky as he beats his chest. There is then a flash of bright yellow light in the form of what appears to be an ankh.
“You toy with matters you couldn’t possibly imagine,” speaks an ominous voice to Skaar. The individual who claims ownership of this voice appears above Skaar, floating in the air. It is Dr. Fate. The Son of Hulk doesn’t hesitate to attack and leaps towards the wearer of the Helm of Nabu. Dr. Fate conjures up a potent bolt of magic and fires it at the oncoming beast. The magic proves to be too much for even the Son of Hulk, who’s smoldering husk plummets to the ground below.
The Superman duo knows that they have to start bottle necking their opponents and closing off any possible terrain advantages the Slaves still hold. They split up with Kingdom Come Superman flying towards the swamp where the, now 13 headed, Hydra still holds dominance over.
The elder Kal-El swoops in and uses his freeze breath to solidify the lake where the Hydra resides. The shriek of the monster is deafening. It sprays its poisonous breath towards the Kryptonian, but he is unaffected. He then uses his heat vision to cut several heads from the chthonic creature. Due to the extreme temperature from Kingdom Come Superman’s heat vision, he cauterized the stumps, preventing new heads from growing it its place. Kal-El then continued his attack with lightning fast speed to finally defeat the water beast.
“Kal, the Hydra has been defeated,” Kingdom Come Superman says into his comlink. “How are you faring over in the Arctic? Kal?? Can you hear me?”
There is no answer.
“Optimus! Get our team to the Arctic!! Kal-L is in trouble!” he shouts into his comlink.
Kingdom Come Superman rockets towards the other side of the planet, where the Slaves have re-grouped for a final push. Once he arrives he sees Earth-Two Superman valiantly defending against an overwhelming attack from the lot of George Washington’s Slaves.
There is then a mysterious sound coming from what seems like all around them.
“Standing on the border, looking out into the great unknown, I can feel my heart beating faster as I step out on my own, there's a new horizon and the promise of favorable wind, I'm heading out tonight, traveling light…
A blinding white flash that burst out of the center of the frozen tundra follows the strange music. As the snow clears, you can see that White Lantern Deadman has teleported the remainder of the Commandos to the icy warzone.
Taylor Swift leaps out first and fires a volley of deadly metal disc that spray out from her Sith Lanvarok. They are heading directly for the Slaves when Cosmos comes flying in, transforms and lands in front of his teammates. The metal discs bounce harmlessly off of his Cybertronian hull. The Autobot then blasts back off, and attacks Black Lantern Neo, who has been feasting on the heart of Mr. Miracle.
Black Lantern Harry Potter then flies in and notices a difference in Ms. Swift’s weaponry. “Hey, shouldn’t you be wielding some sort of staff??”
The country star quickly retorts, “Nope, you’re thinking of the mysterious Sith Lavarouk. This is a Sith Lanvarok. Here allow me to show you the diff….”
“Boooorrrinng,” yawns the decaying wizard as he blast Swift to smithereens with his dark magic. “I always preferred how Lady Gaga spun that disco stick for me anyways.”
Black Lantern Harry Potter is then clocked in the back of the head with a football as Tim Tebow triumphantly rushes out on to the battlefield. The Black Lantern spins around to see the quarterback kneel to one knee and bow his head beside several pieces that were once Taylor Swift.
“Ugh you gotta be kidding me?!” exclaims Potter. “Could they have at least sent Beckham after me? At least he’s a REAL football player!”
The Jesus-loving, Jockey-wearing, New York Jet launches another football at the wizard, but it’s blasted out of the air. The Black Lantern then uses his magical powers to lift Tebow up off of the ground and literally bend him in half backwards. Smoke pours out of Tim’s mouth and ears as sparks shoot violently from his eyes.
“Stupid L.M.D.s,” the Black Lantern grumbles to himself. He goes to toss the crunched body of the LMD Tebow aside when he sees a white light out from the corner of his eye. “Ah, crap.” He says to himself as the blast from White Lantern Deadman obliterates him.
High up in the air, Cosmos is dealing with an old friend and former teammate. Black Lantern Neo died as a Slave in Universe Bowl II, but the Commandos forced his resurrection this year. He is now a twisted visage of his former glory.
The Black Lantern Chosen One feeds off of the compassion just emanating out of Cosmos. “Come on Cosmos. Just die with dignity so I can set the record for being the first person to ever appear in three Universe Bowls.”
“HA! Even if the Commandos do prove to be victorious today, you will set no such record,” Cosmos replies. “You are not Neo. You are a grotesque abomination of his image. One that I shall eliminate shortly.”
The stocky Autobot rockets down at Neo, slamming into him as the two nose-dive towards the ground below.
“Now!!!” exclaims Cosmos as he closes his eyes and burns his thrusters.
Rodimus Prime with Yoda up on his shoulder reluctantly take aim and fire at their fellow teammate.
“NO!!” shouts Black Lantern Neo who starts punching and clawing his way through Cosmos’s chest, sending him to the Graveyard in an effort to evade this attack. But Yoda and Rodimus’s aim is true and together they vaporize Black Lantern Neo.
I did not want him to make that sacrifice, Master Yoda,” Rodimus Prime says to his teammate as Yoda leaps off of his shoulder and back onto his trust Kybuck.
“Sacrifices, too many there are this day,” Yoda mournfully comments. “More to come, fear I do,” he continues as he rides off.
Dozer #13 patiently waits on a nearby pine tree as he sets his target quite possibly just a tad too high. The tiny creature leaps off of the branch towards the approaching Yoda, but Kybuck sees this and snatches him out of mid air, chomping him to bits.
“Ok, Angel. Let’s send that little green muppet to the Graveyard,” remarks Buffy Summers as she ignites her blue lightsaber.
Buffy takes flight and flies right towards the Jedi Master as Angel races behind her on foot. Buffy swoops down and uses her lightsaber to send Kybuck into the afterlife. Yoda springs off of his steed and fires a shot from his Green Lantern ring at the Vampire Slayer. She’s knocked back, which sends her tumbling through the air. Angel takes aim and fires his S.P.I.N. Tech at Yoda, hoping that it will have some sort of affect on the Jedi and his mastery of the Force. This hope is unrealized as Yoda spins around and uses the Force to block the projectiles and send them back at Angel. The adamantium-tipped darts pierce the vampire’s skin. The nanobites work aggressively against the vampirism that flows through Angel’s body. They actually revert him back to a mortal, but due to his longevity, Angel deteriorates rapidly into nothing but dust.
“Angel!!!!!!!” screams Buffy as the Vampire Slayer watches Angel dissipate in the wind. A single tear falls from his eye as he is blown away.
She soars through the air, heading on a collision course with Yoda. Her anger clouds her vision, as Yoda calmly blocks her lightsaber swipe, flips up and over, landing on her back and drives his green lightsaber into the back of her neck. The Vampire Slayer drops from the sky as Yoda continues to control the pace of this conflict.
The 1,000 foot tall ice creature of destruction, known as Ymir, swings his mighty ice club towards the former Black Lantern version of Optimus Prime, but the Autobot leader narrowly evades the attack. Prime begins to scale a glacier, in a effort to gain the high ground (if there is a such thing against a 1,000 foot tall monster), but he is attack from the side by Rodimus Prime. The two wielders of the Matrix tumble from the glacier as White Lantern Deadman attempts to engage Ymir. The Frost Giant, however, is vastly stronger than the White Lantern and uses his ice powers to freeze Boston Brand solid, only to be shattered by a mighty swing of Ymir’s ice club.
“Rodimus, this isn’t a fight you want son,” says Optimus.
“Ohh trust me, I know Optimus. But that doesn’t matter, because I swore to Yoda that I would stop you since he knew this fight was something he could not bear,” replies Rodimus.
(The ironic thing about this confrontation, is that prior to his Black Lantern re-incarnations, Optimus Prime was a member of the Slaves, and Rodimus Prime was a Commando before joining the Slaves. They have both since also been healed of these manifestations, courtesy of the Autobot Matrix of Leadership.)
Optimus Prime spears Rodimus to the snow and breaks his rotator. Rodimus lets out a painful scream as Optimus finishes the job. “Sorry son, but I’m going to need this as well.” Optimus then opens up Rodimus’s chest and takes his version of the Matrix. He takes off back up the glacier as the massive head of Ymir faces the Autobot leader. Ymir’s face dwarfs the large transformer, but he is unfazed by the size. He then opens Rodimus’ Matrix up and uses its power to eradicate the Frost Giant. The reverb from the power of the Matrix and its close proximity of Optimus’s own version, causes great pain to him, dropping him to a knee.
He then feels a dark shadow loom near him. When Optimus looks up, he is met with a colossal blow from Sauron’s mace. The hit shatters Prime’s protective face plate. Sauron then uses the powers of the One Ring to destroy Optimus’ Matrix as well as his very spark. With use of his vast magical abilities, Sauron flings Prime’s lifeless body across the icy battleground and at the Superman duo’s feet. They are about to engage Sauron, when they are both nailed by a green energy brick wall.
“Your fight, with me it is,” states Yoda as his ring glows bright and his grip on his lightsaber tightens.
The two Supermen do not take this confrontation lightly as they have already seen Yoda take down the brunt of the Commandos’ A-team today. Kingdom Come Superman fires first with his heat vision, but Yoda blocks it. The Jedi Master shoots up into the sky, courtesy of his Green Lantern Ring and takes a swipe at Earth Two Superman. The lightsaber sparks across Kal-L’s chest, tearing the “S” on his costumer wide open. The swipe also injures him slightly.
“Agggh,” Earth Two Superman winces. He uses his powerful breath to blow Yoda back,, but the Jedi Master is relentless. He fires a volley of green energy blasts at Kingdom Come Superman, thus keeping him at bay and preventing him in aiding his partner.
“Kryptonite, my lightsaber crystal is,” says Yoda as Earth Two Superman notices the woozy sensation his cut is causing him. The diminutive Jedi grunts as he flies as fast as he can at the elderly Clark Kent and drives his lightsaber deep into his chest. Earth Two Superman shoots his heat vision high into the sky upon being impaled by the green blade.
Kingdom Come Superman blasts off towards Yoda but, the Jedi snaps around and is catches him in mid air with a powerful Force hold. He tries to use his heat vision as he is trapped by the constricting Force, but Yoda blocks it with his lightsaber. Kal-El then closes his eyes and focuses all his strength. With a mighty yell he uses all of his might and breaks free from Yoda’s grasp.
“Dora sends her regards,” Kingdom Come Superman says as he flies right at Yoda.
The impact sends a sonic boom blasting through the air as KC Superman connects with a devastating right cross. But it did not connect fully with the Jedi Master. Yoda was able to power up his green energy force field just in time.
Yoda spits some blood out from his mouth, “Strong you are, hmmm, but not that strong.”
The Jedi Master then uses his Green Lantern ring to supercharge his green lightsaber. Yoda zips through the air towards Kingdom Come Superman. He flies around him nearly at the speed of light, criss-crossing the Kryptonian a hundred times over. Yoda then spins up in front of Kal-El and swings his lightsaber as hard as he can, slicing right through him.
Yoda pants as this took everything he had out of him. The Jedi Master floats slowly down to the snowy ground below, but before he gets there, he is confronted by yet another member of the Commandos.
“Your fate has been sealed great Jedi Master,” the ominous Dr. Fate states. “Your time in the league has come to an end. I bid you farewell.”
“Hmmpph….so…. sure are we,” Yoda says as he reignites his lightsaber.
The Jedi leaps at Dr. Fate, but his is dematerialized by Fate, thus ending one of the single greatest Fantasy Fantasy careers of all time. However, the fate of this Conference Finals has yet to be decided.
The ring slinging trio of Leon, Katniss Everdeen and Luminara Unduli are currently attacking the Dark Lord of Mordor. Katniss’s Green Lantern ring has received a power boost from Master Unduli’s Blue Lantern Ring. The two of them keep Sauron on the defensive as Leon uses the fear that Sauron imposes on the universe to fuel his Yellow Lantern ring. Sauron then once again shows the Commandos who the real “Wielder of the Ring” is. He obliterates Unduli with but a flick of his hand. Sauron then wails Katniss with his mace, sending her careening across the landscape. He grabs Leon by the throat and pulls him in close. This however, is exactly what the assassin was hoping for.
“For….. Dora,” the Italian whispers. He then unlashes the full power of his Yellow Lantern ring, causing a massive explosion that destroys both Sauron and himself.
Cassandra Nova, who has not been seen since the desert, sneaks through the icy battlefield knowing that this contest is coming to a close. She sees Dr. Fate and blasts him with her Demon Rod. The sorcerer drops out of the sky, his cape smoldering. She jams the rod into his back and yanks the Helm of Nabu off of his head. The mutant places the helmet upon her own head, but is overwhelmed by the spirit of Nabu. She shriek’s out in pain and is unable to see the single green energy arrow that flies through the air. The arrow’s path is true and plunges right through an eye opening of the helmet, killing Cassandra Nova instantly.
Katniss Everdeen, bloodied and battered from this epic battle, slides down a snow covered hill. She puts her hands on her knees, exhausted. She looks around ands see the devastation that today’s conflict has wrought and thinks to herself if a Championship is worth this high of a price.
George Washington’s Slaves are: Head Coach George Washington w/green lightsaber, Assistant Coach Robert E. Lee w/red lightsaber, Assistant Coach William Wallace, General Manager Bill Clinton w/green lightsaber, Defensive Coordinator Stonewall Jackson, Yoda w/Green Lantern ring, Kybuk, Sauron w/the One Ring, Non, Amazo, Cassandra Nova w/Demon Rod, Black Lantern Harry Potter, (Formerly Zombie) Rodimus Prime w/Autobot Matrix of Leadership, Cosmos, Roadbuster, Windcharger, Solomon Grundy, Skaar – Son of Hulk w/Red Lantern ring, Ymir, Runner, B’dg, Crash Bandicoot, Captain Crunch w/trident, Cave Dump, Juan Sanchez Villa Lobos Ramirez, Mr. Miracle w/S.P.I.N. Tech, Black Lantern Han Solo, Jaws the Shark, The Hydra, Sandworms #18-20, and Life Model Decoy #1.
The entire starting line-up of the Commandos, with the exception of Black Lantern Set, is aboard Commando-1 high up in space, awaiting a few words from their Head Coach. President Barack Obama makes his way to the podium that has been set up on a platform. He is joined by his War Cabinet; President Thomas Jefferson, President John Adams and Prime Minister Winston Churchill. Obama takes a moment to look over his team as they wait for him to speak. He clears his throat and then begins…
“There has never been a team that I am more proud to lead into battle than the one that stands before me right now,” Obama starts. “You are the finest soldiers I have ever had the honor to command. All of you have bled for this organization. You have all laid your very lives on the line week in and week out this season in our quest for the Championship. We have lost many this year. I would like to take this opportunity to acknowledge all they sacrificed so that we may be in this position once again. Teammates like Willow Rosenberg and Ellen Ripley.”
He turns and points to the enormous banner that hangs behind him, a banner that has their team logo emblazoned across it. Even our Assistant Coach, Dr. Doom, laid his life down so that we could defeat the nefarious Horsemen of Apokolips. We were fortunate enough when we lost Orion Pax against the vile TEAM, for our Black Lantern Optimus Prime to be resurrected by the wondrous powers of the Matrix. Prime, I hope there’s still a little magic left in that trinket.”
Barack shoots Optimus a wink, to which Prime nods back as to sooth Obama’s concerns.
The President and Head Coach continues, “And then there was Dora.” Obama pauses for a moment as he is caught off guard by a wave of emotion. “Our locker room has had a void in it ever since the Slaves took her from us. It’s known as “The House That Dora Built.” Are we going to let them take from us what all of our friends gave their lives for?! The Slaves have made a career out of keeping us from our goals. I say, enough is enough. Dora gave me a note before the final week of the season. She asked that if she did indeed fall that week, that I would read it to you if we met the Slaves in the Conference Finals.”
He pulls out a piece of paper from his jacket pocket. “It simply says… Send Yoda to me.”
Buffy Summers interjects, “But Mr. President, Yoda survived against the Horsemen. He doesn’t have 9 deaths.”
Barack listens to the Slayer and responds to her apprehensions, “Well then Ms. Summers. We’ll have to kill him twice.”
These are the Commandos’ Head Coach’s final words before teleporting his team to the Playoff Planet.
Meanwhile, George Washington stands in the middle of the Slaves’ locker room. He is surrounded by his starting line-up.
“My brave fellows, you have done all I asked you to do, and more than can be reasonably expected; but our quest for a championship is at stake. You have worn yourselves out with fatigues and hardships, but we know not how to spare you. If you consent to fight one match longer, you with render that service to the cause of a championship, and to your team, which you probably can never do under any other circumstances. Now join me in doing what we do best…. Let’s beat the Commandos.”
As the team begins to leave, Washington stops Yoda. “Master Yoda, how are you feeling, considering?”
Yoda turns slowly as one who is almost 900 years old would, “A day over 400 I barely feel sir.”
These two teams have a storied and epic rivalry between each other. They have fought countless times throughout the history of the Fantasy Fantasy League. This is the third time these teams each have made it to a Conference Finals and the second time they have faced off against each other for the right to represent their Conference in the illustrious Universe Bowl. Neither team has, nevertheless, reached the top of the mountain. This year, however, could be a different. George Washington’s Slaves have already defeated the very team they lost to in the 2009 Universe Bowl and the Commandos put on a dominating performance during this year’s regular season. However, only time will tell, as they first have to survive this confrontation.
Yoda, still missing an ear and his right arm, uses his Green Lantern ring to create an energy construct of his missing limb. He draws a line in the dirt with his lightsaber as the Commandos approach. The two teams, with the exception of a few members, are heading for a full on collision. Yoda flies through the air, lightsaber drawn, and attacks one of the Commandos’ biggest weapons. He flies around Maestro at incredibly high speeds, tagging him with multiple shots from his ring. The elder version of the Incredible Hulk is becoming more and more enraged. He claps his hands together and appears to squash the Jedi Master. But a bright green glow begins to poke out from between the jade giant’s fingers. The tip of Yoda’s green lightsaber then pierces through Maestro’s hand, which causes him to scream in pain and release his grip. Yoda survived the attack, and flies right into Maestro’s mouth. He then proceeds to explode his head from the inside out with a Force/green energy combo burst. Even with one real arm, Yoda takes out one of the Commandos’ heaviest hitters.
Not to be outdone, the Superman duo focuses in on Non quickly. The three Kryptonians battle it out fiercely. The brutish Non grabs a hold of Earth Two Superman’s cape and hurls him far off into the distance. Kingdom Come Superman retaliates and suplexes Non into the hard ground, driving him deep into the earth. E2 Supes rockets back in a flash just as Non burst out from the rock. Non’s eyes burn red hot as he lets loose a beam of heat vision, but the Superman pair fire back with their own. They overpower the former Phantom Zone prisoner and use a combination of their freeze breath and then double uppercuts to shatter the brute.
As the brunt of both teams continue to battle, Madame Blanc leads the Witch Coven to engage the monsters that dwell in the nearby waters. The Witches, who several have had their powers augmented due to their acquisition of various Lantern rings, are not clear as to what they are about to face, only that they were charged with the task of destroying the Slaves’ water forces. Blanc, Markos, and Tanner survey the scene as they send their coven in closer to investigate. Susperia Witch #1 (SWC #1) uses her Indigo Lantern ring to tap into Madame Blanc’s Yellow Lantern ring and create a construct that spread across the water, allowing them to walk over it.
“There is nothing here, but death dear sisters,” remarks Susperia Witch #3 as she conjures a spell vision spell that allows her to view what was, what is and what will be.
“Of course,” Madame Blanc quickly snaps back. “That is exactly what we are here to do. Create death. Pain. And most importantly FEAR.”
The yellow construct begins to quake and crack as something from the water below attacks it. There is then a big eruption of water as the Hydra monster bursts from the water and destroys the witches’ construct. Several of the witches are tossed from their feet and splash into the water. The ring wielding witches fly high above the water as the Hydra attacks. The monster, however, is not alone. A grey fin peaks out of the water and is coming fast at SW #4. The witch tries to use her magic, but it’s too late. Jaws pulls her underwater, never to been seen again. The area where SW #4 once was is now dyed a dark red from her blood.
“Sisters! Help us!” Susperia Witch #5 yells to her teammates as SW #3 is eaten alive by Jaws.
Helena Markos and Miss Tanner are preoccupied with fending off the several heads of the Hydra to hear their sister’s pleas for help. Madame Blanc, however, hears them just find and uses them to power her Yellow Lantern ring. SW #5 attempts to curse Jaws in hopes to turn it against the Hydra, but to no avail. The great white shark bears down on the witch and swallows her whole.
“Sisters, would you please do away with this nuisance,” Madame Blanc asks of the remaining members of her Coven.
The Red and Indigo Lantern ring wielding witches swoop down towards the water as Madame Blanc slings a large yellow energy cage around the Hydra. Jaws is finishing off SW #2 as the shark is hit by a spray of red plasma that is coupled with several evil spells cast by SW #1. Jaws begins to burn and melt away as it thrashes in the water. Miss Tanner, Helen Markos and SW #1 continue their attack on the shark, but Jaws will not go down. It leaps out of the water and rips Miss Tanner’s legs off before Markos finishes it off. The hideously ancient looking witch uses her mastery of the dark arts and channels it into her red plasma to finally dispel Jaws for the final time.
“Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!” screams SW #1 as the Hydra monster breaks free of the yellow energy cage and uses three of its heads to rips her limb from limb.
The three main members of the Susperia Witch Coven focus their powers towards the beast and manage to destroy four of its nine heads. But eight more heads rapidly re-grow in their place. The new heads then unleash their poisonous breath on Miss Tanner, which break through her red energy and burn the skin from the witch’s face and body. Her smoldering skeleton drops from the air and into the water. Madame Blanc and the revolting looking Helen Markos continue their efforts but are overwhelmed by the sheer amount of heads that the serpent monster has. The Hydra shrieks into the air, the sound of which is heard miles away where many other battles are taking place. Though in the swamp near by another battle is forming.
Atrocitus mucks way through the swamp. The first thing that strikes him is the smell, stagnant water and rotting vegetation. The next thing that hits him is a massive fist.
"BORN ON A MONDAY!!!!!" screams Solomon Grundy as Atrocitus staggers back from the mighty blow. Atrocitus feels the rage start to rise and bubble within him, but forces himself not to give into it, for if he were to give in and unleash the burning, red power of the rage it would light Grundy up like kindling and he has further use for the beast. The leader of the red lanterns gets back up to his feet.
"Have it your way," he smirks and charges the massive monster.
The two exchange a few blows, rocking each other back and forth. Grundy gains the advantage and is about to stomp Atrocitus when suddenly and pink crystal explodes out of Grundy's midsection. Before anyone can process what's just happened. Carslie Cullen jumps onto Grundy's back and begins to feed on the creature, finishing him off.
"Stop!" screams Atrocitus "Don't completely drain him"
"I…can't drink much more anyway" says the vampire. "The blood....is tainted..... I'm...poi-" and with that Cullen falls to the ground, completely dead.
Atrocitus shakes his head and grunts in recognition of the sacrifice his teammate has made for him. He removes the oddly glowing crystal, then stands over the massive body of Solomon Grundy and begins his arcane ritual he recites the red lantern oath as he smears the rotting blood of his foe on the ground to divine the future.
"This…makes no sense. The blood...so much black. What can…"
Suddenly a blast hits the red lantern in the shoulder knocking him to the ground and interrupting him before he makes sense of what he's seen. He looks up and sees black lantern Han Solo smirking at him.
"Hiya beautiful. Let's dance," says the undead smuggler.
Atrocitus roars and unleashes the burning red plasma he'd been fighting to contain. Solo is instantly vaporized, and then his ring begins to reform him.
"Remember me?" he says and whips out his blaster and fires. This time Solo's shots miss and he dives out of the way of Atrocitus' return volley.
"You may as well give up," says Solo "I can do this way more than you can"
The red lantern knows he's correct. He looks around for anything that could aid him, when he notices the corpse of Solomon Grundy and the bright pink crystal. The crystal continues to be flickering between pink and a faint green. Atrocitus fires off another blast from his ring to keep Solo at bay as he investigates. He smiles as he gets a closer look at what helped to fall Solomon Grundy.
"Come, smuggler," bellows Atrocitus. "I yearn to break your pretty face with my fists."
"Whatever, gruesome," says the black lantern "Hell, first shots on the house."
"All I need is one," smiles Atrocitus as he slams the crystal right into Solo's chest.
"YeeeeoWWW'. What ever will I do no-" begins Han then looks down and sees what Atrocitus' weapon was. The smile dies on his face. For contained inside the crystal is B'dg-and his Green Lantern ring.
"Looks like you can't go as long as I can," smiles Atrocitus as he fires at the crystal causing it, and the rodent sized green lantern contained within to explode and unleashing just enough green energy to help the red power finally but Han Solo down for good.
"Oh, Slaves," snarls Atrocitus "The rest of you shall burn just as these fools did. The blood never lies!" and he takes off to find more victims to unleash his burning hatred upon.
A trio of zombified super-heroines stammer their way down a deserted road as the street lights flicker in the night sky. The once glorious and elegant city of the Playoff Planet is now a husk of itself. Windows are shattered. The pavement is torn up from years of confrontations. The faint smell of blood stales the air. Zombie Polaris grunts as she raises her decaying arms into the air. She moans as the abandoned cars that litter the street fly out of their way. Zombie Maxima haphazardly flies through the air, when she spots a lone member of the Slaves close by.
“Hhhnnnnnn, bbbrrrrrraaaaaiiinnnnsss,” growls Zombie Maxima as she flies towards Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramirez.
The Immortal draws his katana blade as Zombie Maxima bears down on him. With one swipe, he takes her left arm off. This attack sends her careening into a nearby building. The walking dead continue their three to one gang up on Ramirez, Zombie Wonder Girl claws at his face and head, but he kicks her down. Zombie Polaris uses her powers of magnetism to pull his sword from his hand. It however flies out of control through the air and decapitates the decaying daughter of Magneto. Zombie Maxima craws out from the building that she crashed into earlier, now also missing a leg from the impact and flies back into the fight. The two rotting women knock Ramirez down to the ground and begin to feast on his body. They rip open his chest and pull his lungs, stomach, and other various organs out of his body. The truly unfortunate thing is that since they did not start with his head, Ramirez is alive when they begin to eat him. He tries to fight them off, but the pain is too excruciating. Finally Zombie Maxima pushes her decomposed thumbs into his eye sockets and uses what’s left of her super strength to tear his head clean off.
A powerful release of energy shoots out of Ramirez’s headless corpse as the Quickening burst forth from his body. The energy is too much for Zombie Wonder Girl to contain and explodes from the power. Zombie Maxima is blown back down the street, but survives. Windcharger peels down the street and sees the expulsion of the Quickening from the street ahead.
“Aww man, Cave Dump! I think Ramirez just bought the farm,” exclaims the Autobot.
His passenger, Cave Dump replies by defecating on his seat and smearing it on the inside of the Pontiac Trans Am.
“Seriously!?! Did you seriously just do that?!?!” yells Windcharger as he squeals his tires and slams into Zombie Maxima.
Cave Dump jumps out of the Autobot, spear in hand and jams it into the zombified Almerac princess’s chest. She however pulls it deeper in, so to bring Cave Dump within her reach. She grabs a hold of his stringy white hair and black bear pelt and pulls him in closer. She chomps down on his shoulder as Windcharger transforms. The Cro-Magnon screams out in agony as the zombie continues to make him dinner.
“Sorry, buddy, but I gotta,” Windcharger says reluctantly as he stomps on both Zombie Maxima and Cave Dump. “Plus, you smeared crap on my interior.” The Autobot then radios Head Coach Washington who is currently aboard Cosmos, and heading for Commano-1. “Sir, we lost Ramirez and Cave Dump, but managed to take down their trio of zombies.”
High above the planet, Head Coach Washington responds to the update, “Ok, thank you for the update Windcharger, rendezvous with Roadbuster and continue your assault.” He turns to his coaching staff and erupts. “Damn it!! How do we lose a goddamn Immortal?? They’re immortal for Christ’s sake!”
“My heart bleeds at the death of every one of our gallant men,” says Lee.
“It matters not. We came here with no peaceful intent,” begins William Wallace, “but for battle, determined to avenge our wrongs and obtain our team a chance at the championship.”
“I agree with Wallace,” responds Washington. “We have already put an end to the Commandos’ perfect season. It’s time to end their season completely.”
“Yesterday is yesterday. If we try to recapture it, we will only lose tomorrow,” replies Clinton.
Washington snaps around and barks, “Quiet Clinton!”
“The time for war has not yet come, but it will come, and that soon; and when it does come, my advice is to draw the sword and throw away the scabbard,” says Stonewall Jackson.
“Alright Cosmos, let’s kick in the afterburners,” Washington says as his cabinet prepares for war.
The green flying saucer accelerates through the blackness of space towards Commando-1 as the conflict wages on down on the planet below.
The Commandos know that the Slaves will have sent their Sandworms into battle and have decided it’s better to fight them now rather than the possibilities of their ranks being too dwindled later. Obama sends Norma Cenva along with his two mighty Cymeks into the arid wastelands of the Playoff Planet. The daughter of the Supreme Sorceress of Rossak argued with her Head Coach over this decision, as it was Xerxes himself that brutally tortured her in the past. But the President was persistent, and assured her that she did not have to lead them, but rather simply unleash them on the Sandworms. Cenva reluctantly agreed. She uses her Green Lantern ring to fire several shots into the sand as the massive mechanized Xerxes flies overhead, casting a large shadow over the hot sand. The ground begins to move like a rolling current as the Sandworms awaken. The strong scent of cinnamon fills the dry air. Lightning comes out of nowhere as there are no storm clouds in the air. Sandworm #18 bursts out of the sand and consumes the Cymek known as Dante whole before it can ever even get a single shot off. Xerxes swoops in and unloads its missiles down upon the Sandworm. The payload explodes and rips through Sandworm #18’s body. This attack causes the other two Sandworms to erupt from the desert, only this time to reach high into the air and clip the wings of Xerxes. The Cymek spins out of control, but Norma Cenva casts a green energy aura around Xerxes and directs it right towards the gaping maw of Sandworm #20. Right before the Sandworm closes its mouth and slams back into the earth, Cenva fires a sniper-accurate shot from her Green Lantern ring that detonates Xerxes’ fuel cell and explodes the Cymek within the Sandworm, killing both of them in the process. Norma smirks slightly at the sight of Xerxes’ demise. She then flies high into the sky to evade the final Sandworm. She then sees down in the sand a streak of red energy swiftly jet across. Atrocitus’s prophecy has led him here to the barren dunes against this monstrous being.
“So much rage and anger,” Norma Cenva comments to herself as she reads the mind of her furious and determined ally. “Let’s see if we can put it to some use.”
She focuses her powers and overtakes Atrocitus’ mind for a moment. She uses her Green Lantern ring to swoop down beside him as they wait for the Sandworm to erupt back out of the desert. The great Shai-Hulud emerges from beneath them and consumes the pair. Deep within the belly of the beast, Norma Cenva then releases Atrocitus from her control, which only sends him into a berserker rage. She protects herself from the eruption of red plasma coming out of Atrocitus. They both then use their rings to rip open the final Sandworm from the inside out. The duo climb out of the Sandworm carcass as Cenva looks upon the devastation she has wrought in what very well could be her final outing. The sky above them all of a sudden becomes increasingly dark.
Atrocitus stammers backwards, “No…. the black. It is coming. Just like the prophecy. Prepare yourself woman!”
Cenva then feels something strange in the back of her head. Norma screams out in agony, dropping to her knees as she grasps her forehead in pain.
“You think you’re the only telepath in this battle, child?” asks Cassandra Nova as she invades Cenva’s mind. The mutant never physically attacks her as she is standing on a far off dune.
The two battle within Cenva’s mind as Atrocitus is confronted by another who wields a ring….The One Ring. Sauron. Norma lets out a scream that penetrates the dark sky as blood drips from her eyes and nose. She drops to the ground motionless and defeated. Atrocitus unleashes a powerful roar as he spews bright red plasma at the Lord of Mordor. Sauron slightly leans back and extends his arms out as the plasma washes over his black armor. He then turns slightly and levels Atrocitus with a hard back hand swing of his mace. The leader of the Red Lantern Corps sails backwards, crashing into the sand. Sauron stalks his prey and steps on Atrocitus’ forearm, pinning it to the ground. He then raises his mace and brings it down, crushing both Atrocitus’ hand and ring. He then finishes off Atrocitus once and for all, showing him exactly who the true ring master is.
High above the planet, Sweet Pea and the other girls from the Lennox house for the Mentally Insane prepare for their part of this war. Rocket presses play on their stereo system as Babydoll steps forward. She begins to sway back and forth and then starts into the most erotic dance you will never see. All five girls are then teleported down to the planet via Babydoll’s dancing. Amber climbs up into her Bunny Mech Unit as the rest of them check their weapons. They creep through the deserted rocky highlands of the Planet. Off in the distance, beyond the mountains, you can see flashes multi-hued energy beams streaking across the sky as the battle wages on.
“Ok, I’ll cover you girls from the air, now let’s take care of some business!” radios Amber as the thrusters of her Mech Unit thunders her up into the sky. Rocket carefully surveys the area with her scope.
“Looks like we’re all clear,” comments Rocket with a smirk.
“Girls, think again… we’ve got company!” Amber radios down after locking on to Roadbuster and Windcharger who are driving down the hillside at top speeds. Windcharger is quite a bit ahead of the more heavily armored Roadbuster, who is kicking up a large plume of debris in his wake. The four Sucker Punch girls take cover behind various boulders and broken fencing that jut out from the countryside. Windcharger arrives on the scene first. The Pontiac Trans Am fires into the air, barrel rolls into his robot transformation. He takes aim with his arms and targets Amber. He uses his magnetic abilities to wreak havoc on her navigation control and begins to pull the rivets right out from their securing’s.
The magnetic pull, yanks on the Mech Unit and causes Amber to drop the lollipop out of her mouth, which only enrages the pilot.
“Oh you son of a…” she grumbles to herself as she frantically, but with 100% focus, presses the buttons and flips numerous switches on her control panel.
“Amber!” shouts Blondie, who leaps over the wooden fencing and opens fire on Windcharger. Rocket backs her up as Babydoll and Sweet Pea draw their swords. The duo rushes in, narrowly evade the incoming barrage of missiles courtesy of Roadbuster who is still barreling down the road. They race under the Autobot and slice Windcharger’s hydraulic tubing near his ankle joints. The Autobot drops to his knees as Amber uses her thrusters to blast down and stomp on Windcharger’s head, killing the transformer.
“Heh, make me drop my lollipop, will ya,” quips Amber as she is about to blast back off into the air. Her Bunny Mech Unit, however, explodes into a ball of fire as Roadbuster connects with one of his heat-seekers.
The girls scatter as Roadbuster transformers and sprays the area with a stream of laser blasts. Rocket ambitiously runs right for Roadbuster and scales up his back. She targets where his shoulders and neck meet and unloads her gun. However the Autobot is heavily reinforced and it does not take him down. His shoulder mounted rocket launcher swings around and “launches Rocket” off of him. She sails through the air and slams into the rocky wall that stretches high into the air next to the road. The other three girls spin, jump and flip through the air in an effort to evade Roadbuster’s assault. Blondie is clipped in the leg by a laser blast and crashes to the road. The Slaves’ heavy artillery soldier overtly finishes her off by shooting a grenade that leaves a giant crater in the area of the road where Blondie once was.
“Babydoll, we’ve got to put an end to this guy, or we’re finished,” Sweet Pea says to Babydoll as they retreat behind a large boulder.
“Ok, you go that way and I’ll draw his attention,” replies Babydoll as she runs out into the middle of the street.
“Wait! Babydoll!” yells Sweet Pea. She then looks up to see a quick blink of red far away in the sky. But focuses back on Babydoll.
Rocket finally regains consciousness and looks up to see Babydoll slowly beginning to walk towards the towering transformer as he reloads his weapons. She looks over to see her sister coming around from the other side. Roadbuster begins firing right at Babydoll, but is somehow missing her with every shot. Babydoll’s katana blade glistens in the sunlight, still wet with hydraulic fluid from Windcharger. She then begins to run right at Roadbuster. She ducks, dodges and weaves through all the firepower Roadbuster is letting loose at her. Rocket gets back to her feet and lays down some covering fire for Babydoll. This distract Roadbuster for a moment. Sweet Pea then flanks Roadbuster and races towards him as well. The three girls converge on him and begin to back him up. He drops down to a knee as Rocket closes in on the Autobot and climbs up onto him again.
Sweet Pea then sees that same blink of red light in the air, only this time, it’s rapidly approaching.
“Rocket! Look out!!” yells Sweet Pea.
Rocket turns around just in time to see Amazo’s fist about an eighth of an inch away from her face, which is the last things she sees. Amazo then uses his heat vision to rip through the road, sending rubble shooting into the air, knocking Sweet Pea down. Babydoll, however is unfazed by this additional attack. She runs in and jams her katana blade right up under Roadbuster’s chin. The Autobot drops to the ground next to Babydoll. She looks up to see Sweet Pea desperately trying to defend herself from Professor Ivo’s android. But he is not only too strong and durable for her, but too quick as well. Amazo moves a the speed of The Flash and snatches the beautiful blonde up off of her feet. He swings her around just as Babydoll fires a shot from her pistol. The bullet strikes Sweet Pea in the chest as she it flung through the air. Amazo then uses his heat vision to fully lobotomize the teenager. The android then flies off to continue his part in this confrontation.
The shriek of Black Lantern Set can be heard across the entire planet as the rest of the combatants continue their battle. Professor Ivo’s android has already returned to the forces of the Slaves after just moments earlier dispatching the remainder of the Sucker Punch Crew. Amazo flies right for the Black Lantern Set and pays dearly for his arrogance. The undead cosmic being unleashes blackened cosmic fire that fully consumes Amazo, returning him to nothing but cinder. Black Lantern Set then continues his utter annihilation of any and everything that comes before him. Crash Bandicoot and Captain Crunch are destroyed in almost an afterthought from what comes next. The green aura from the energy constructed arm of Yoda glows bright as the shadow of the mighty serpent covers all. His focus is locked on bringing down the unholy being. But there is something standing at the top of one of serpent’s heads. Something small.
“Hey! Yoda, vieja bastardo. Pense que estaba muerto, no? Tengo todavia inconcluso. Y used tiene un billete para el cementerio. Uno que tengo intencion de punetazos,” says the shadow figure as she steps out into the light.
It’s Dora the Explorer. She jumps off of the head and slides down the serpent as she ignites her two lightsabers and lunges at the Jedi Master. Yoda fires several shots from his Green Lantern ring, but the determined Dora blocks them with her lightsabers. The two small combatants square off as everyone around them almost stop their own battles after seeing Dora’s return to the battlefield. If they weren’t at a stand still before, they are now. Dora spins around Yoda’s lightsaber thrust and drives her own lightsabers into the Jedi’s back.
She then whispers into the one remaining ear Yoda has, “No eres el unico que busco.”
Sparks fly out of the lightsaber wounds as the green construct arm flickers out. The Green Lantern ring then leaves Yoda’s hand and flies through the air. As a mysterious voice speaks out from what seems to be thin air.
“Not who say you are either, little one,” the voice says.
Black Lantern Harry Potter flies overhead and remarks, “Well I guess we don’t need this spell anymore.”
All of a sudden, Yoda, fully restored to peak health, perched upon his loyal Kybuck appears as Black Lantern Harry Potter’s Invisibility Spell is lifted. Yoda has been patiently controlling his Green Lantern ring from a distance in an effort of misdirection.
Prior to this Conference Finals, Head Coach President Washington confers with his war cabinet over their battle strategies. They diligently look over the map of the Playoff Planet they have laid out across their conference table.
“From what we know of the Commandos, we have the upper hand in several of the terrains on the planet,” Washington says to his staff. He moves around the map. “We have the water well in hand with our additions of the Hydra and Jaws from this year, as well as our continuing dominance in the desert courtesy of our Sandworms. Ymir should prove useful if the battle ends up in the Artic…”
Washington is then interrupted by the entrance of one of his closest and oldest confidants. Yoda, still badly injured from the Slaves’ battle against the Horsemen of Apokolips, slowly makes his way into the war room.
“Moment of your time, hrmmph, I request Mr. President,” asks the Jedi Master.
“Of course Master Yoda,” replies Washington. He then motions to his staff, “We’ll pick this up later. Please if you will.”
His cabinet leaves the room and closes the door. Washington kneels to one knee so he can speak closer to his old friend, considering he is currently missing an ear.
“What is it dear friend?” he asks.
Yoda lets out a deep sigh. “A heavy heart, I have,” he begins. “Failed you I have.”
“Nonsense! You defeated the Commandos in the final week of the Regular Season and bested the Horsemen in the First Round of the Playoffs. How could you say something like that?” a shocked Washington responds.
“That victory, too great was the price,” Yoda replies. “Wounded I am. Enough to defeat two Supermans… I am not.”
“I know what you are about to ask me, and I beg you, do not ask it,” pleads Washington. “I will not sacrifice you. I….. can’t.”
“Your decision…it… is not,” Yoda tells his Head Coach. “Become one with the Force, I must. Worry you must not. Return I will.”
And with those comments, Master Yoda seems to simply disappear as his cane drops from where his one remaining arm was holding it. His robe slowly floats to the ground. Washington’s head drops as he watches Yoda dissipate from existence. He picks up Yoda’s lightsaber that had also dropped to the ground and shouts for his Cabinet to return for further planning. Lee, Wallace, Clinton and Jackson all appear confused and slightly shocked at the absence of Master Yoda. George Washington grips Yoda’s lightsaber tighter and ignites the green blade. Determination with a hint of anger washes over his face.
“Alright…Listen up. We have a new plan.”
Back into the present time, Yoda leaps off of Kybuck and uses his Green Lantern ring to obliterate the Life Model Decoy that is impersonating Dora the Explorer. He then flies into the air, leaving a comet tail of green energy in his wake. Yoda zips up the long body of one of Black Lantern Set’s heads, wrapping it in green energy, which constricts around the serpent and explodes it. The other six heads screech out as they feel the pain from the dying head. Together they violently blast their dark cosmic energy into the sky, trying to eliminate the unwavering Jedi Master, but to no avail. Yoda then bursts straight up into the air and comes rocketing back down in between the remaining heads of Black Lantern Set. He drives into the very heart of the monster, causing an eruption of black cosmic energy that shoots high enough to break through the atmosphere and out into the abyss of space.
Kybuck valiantly leaps into the massive cavern where Black Lantern Set once stood. Moments later, it leaps back out carrying Yoda on its back.
“Slaves, now. The time is,” Yoda sternly states to his teammates as he takes his proper place in charge of the field forces of the Slaves.
As the battle wages on, with Yoda at the helm, George Washington leads his war cabinet towards their own objective in about the Planet.
“I’ve just received word that Master Yoda has revealed himself to the Commandos and has full control of the battle down on the Planet. We, however, are going to have to take out The Commando's leaders, and to do that we are going to have to board that ship,” says Gen. Washington to his crew. He finishes, by saying: “Cosmos, we are going to need you to get as close as you can to that craft, without being noticed. Gen. Lee, Gen. Jackson, Gen. Wallace, Draft-Dodger Clinton. Be ready for a quick exit. Cosmos, do you think you can navigate the trench below the troop-release hatch, without being noticed in order to get us inside?”
Cosmos answers: “I'm not sure Coach? That is going to take some serious flying.”
Washington responds with: “If my men and I could navigate the Delaware on Christmas Day, to win The Battle of Trenton, than you can get us through that trench Cosmos. You have been a valuable asset to this team since day 1, don't let us down now.”
Cosmos navigates swiftly, but secretly through the open-air troop trench inside The Commando 1, when he sees an exit to his left and an oxygen-rich area to his right.
“This must be the Commandos main base of operations,” says Gen. Lee to the rest of the crew.
Cosmos sets himself down carefully while Gen. Washington and his troops move with perfect precision out of Cosmos' main hatch.
“Now get out of here Autobot, and leave this to us. The rest of the team needs you out there,” Washington orders.
“Yes, sir; and thank you sir. It has been a pleasure to serve under you for these past five great seasons. There is no better; or other captain, coach, or President I could ever serve,” says Cosmos.
Washington retorts with a smile, “Don't mention it soldier. I'll see you back at the base. I'll have the energon chilled and ready for you.”
“Somehow I doubt that sir,” says Cosmos to himself as he flies back out of the ID4 ship and returns to the battle.
The five Army Chief of Staffs, sneak up upon the control room and peer into the door window. Inside they see: Pres. Barack Obama, Pres. Thomas Jefferson, Pres. John Adams, Prime Minister Winston Churchill, and Pres. Benjamin Harrison; all sitting down at a table. The table is covered in blue prints and game plans for this Conference Finals Match-up; but that doesn't seem to be what they are discussing.
Stonewall Jackson says, “How the hell did Benjamin Harrison get a seat with these guys. I don't ever remember The Commandos wasting a draft pick on him?”
“Maybe they just picked him up on waivers,” says Gen. Jackson.
“Maybe this is a costume party with a “lesser-known Presidents theme”?” adds Pres. Clinton as he snickers to himself, and nudges Stonewall, who can't help but chuckle a bit.
“Maybe they met up with him at the gay bar, while they were looking for your FATHER”!! says William Wallace in his typical enraged tone.
Robert E. Lee then adds, “Great theories guys, I'm thinking he is probably an L.M.D. Either way, we need to take him out with the rest of these rebels.”
“Hey Rob, watch that “Rebel” S**t. If people hear you talking like that while I'm hanging around, than I'm gonna lose my mantle as the first black president,” fires Clinton.
Inside the room, and equally amazing conversation is taking place between The Commando's leadership.
Adams slams the rest of his hard cider and says: “Well, the only reason I wasn't elected twice, is because the people were afraid I would become KING AND MY SONS WOULD TAKE OVER!!”
“Settle down John,” says Jefferson as he sips his cabernet. “I heard all of this while I was your vice-president, now do you guys think that Washington will bring any of his young lady slaves with him, during this battle.”
Benjamin Harrison seems a bit outclassed but he takes a sip of Dewars and chases it with some Honest Tea. “Well, my Granddad was only president for thirty days, and I'm the only guy who was president both before and after Grover Cleveland.”
Adams and Jefferson both look over at Harrison in a condescending fashion, when Obama takes a drag off of his Marlboro Red and says, “Don't feel bad guys, at least you were dead before he was president and have an excuse for not knowing who the hell he is.”
Churchill slams another shot of Johnnie Walker Red Label and says, “I do believe that you people are drunker on your own history than I am off of this scotch.”
At this exact moment, Winston falls off of his chair and drops his wand, that he was using as a cigar-holder as William Wallace, with the rest of the gang bust through the door.
“I hope that's the best thing from Scotland you've ever swallowed, cause here comes the WORST!!” says Wallace as he takes off Churchill's head with his broadsword.
John Adams begins screaming at the Slave's Squad to vacate the premises, while Thomas Jefferson throws a book at them and Barack Obama tosses Grievous' old blaster to Adams and ignites two lightsabers for himself. Benjamin Harrison's head begins to spark as he catches a saber to the face from Stonewall Jackson, while William Wallace starts screaming about freedom while bloodying his knuckles on every piece of machinery in the room. Obama uses his green lightsaber to cut off slick Willy's hand, before he locks in a fierce lightsaber dual with Gen. Washington. Adams begins unloading Grievous' old blaster at Robert E. Lee, who holds up his lightsaber to defend himself. Lightsabers light up the control room and the controls, while blaster fire does even more damage.
The one-handed Bill looks over at our current president and says, “Hey Barry, I know that neither of us are computer experts; but as the only two guys here born in the 20th Century, don't you think that it is bad that all of these controls are smoking and that the ship seems to be losing control?”
Washington, who has momentarily stopped dueling with Illinois' former Senator says, “We are all about to go down with this ship aren't we?”
The flash of light happens next, but before the boom they all hear Bill say, “Ha, it looks like it Mr. Presidents, I think we are all fuh.........”
The cataclysmic explosion of Commando-1 is so large and blinding, it was seen on the battlefield as the Commandos and Slaves continue to vie for the Conference Title. Runner is streaking across the plains at the speed of light as Heimdall stands silent and steadfast. The Asgardian spins around and takes one swipe with his sword. The Elder of the Universe doesn’t even see the attack coming and runs right into the path of the blade. Runner’s two halves tumble out of control as Heimdall takes a moment to look up into the sky, knowing that his Head Coach sacrificed himself for the greater good. Then, without warning, Heimdall is blasted back by red plasma.
“Who dares?!” bellows Heimdall.
The answer he is given is one of rage. Skaar slams into the Asgardian and tackles him to the ground. Heimdall shakes the stars from his vision as he regains his footing only to be leveled by a vicious roundhouse from the Son of Hulk. Heimdall shakes his head, in an effort to refocus himself. As he regains his footing he looks up to see Skaar spewing red plasma all over Baaress Offee, killing the Jedi.
The yellow in Heimdall’s eyes now burn with anger. “You there!” he bellows with his smooth baritone voice. “I have seen what your father can do to us Asgardians, and let me assure you,” Heimdall then winds up and lands a double fisted uppercut to the chin of Skaar. “You…are NOT your father.”
The Asgardian wields his sword as he charges Skaar, who has now been forced into a defensive position. He spews red plasma at the sprinting demi-god, but Heimdall deflects the attack with his sword. Skaar enraged as well, charges towards Heimdall. The sheer impact caused from the collision of the two powerhouses, sends a stream of red plasma and magic laced shockwave radiating through out the surrounding battlefield. As the dust settles, there is a glint of gold that can be seen. It is Heimdall’s golden armor that can be seen emerging from the clearing smoke. His face bloodied, his armor scratched and tarnished, but Heimdall is still upright and on his feet. Skaar, however, is not to be seen. Heimdall then takes several steps forward before dropping to his knees and falling dead. Skaar climbs out of the rubble they have caused, victorious. The Son of Hulk unleashes a dominant roar into the sky as he beats his chest. There is then a flash of bright yellow light in the form of what appears to be an ankh.
“You toy with matters you couldn’t possibly imagine,” speaks an ominous voice to Skaar. The individual who claims ownership of this voice appears above Skaar, floating in the air. It is Dr. Fate. The Son of Hulk doesn’t hesitate to attack and leaps towards the wearer of the Helm of Nabu. Dr. Fate conjures up a potent bolt of magic and fires it at the oncoming beast. The magic proves to be too much for even the Son of Hulk, who’s smoldering husk plummets to the ground below.
The Superman duo knows that they have to start bottle necking their opponents and closing off any possible terrain advantages the Slaves still hold. They split up with Kingdom Come Superman flying towards the swamp where the, now 13 headed, Hydra still holds dominance over.
The elder Kal-El swoops in and uses his freeze breath to solidify the lake where the Hydra resides. The shriek of the monster is deafening. It sprays its poisonous breath towards the Kryptonian, but he is unaffected. He then uses his heat vision to cut several heads from the chthonic creature. Due to the extreme temperature from Kingdom Come Superman’s heat vision, he cauterized the stumps, preventing new heads from growing it its place. Kal-El then continued his attack with lightning fast speed to finally defeat the water beast.
“Kal, the Hydra has been defeated,” Kingdom Come Superman says into his comlink. “How are you faring over in the Arctic? Kal?? Can you hear me?”
There is no answer.
“Optimus! Get our team to the Arctic!! Kal-L is in trouble!” he shouts into his comlink.
Kingdom Come Superman rockets towards the other side of the planet, where the Slaves have re-grouped for a final push. Once he arrives he sees Earth-Two Superman valiantly defending against an overwhelming attack from the lot of George Washington’s Slaves.
There is then a mysterious sound coming from what seems like all around them.
“Standing on the border, looking out into the great unknown, I can feel my heart beating faster as I step out on my own, there's a new horizon and the promise of favorable wind, I'm heading out tonight, traveling light…
A blinding white flash that burst out of the center of the frozen tundra follows the strange music. As the snow clears, you can see that White Lantern Deadman has teleported the remainder of the Commandos to the icy warzone.
Taylor Swift leaps out first and fires a volley of deadly metal disc that spray out from her Sith Lanvarok. They are heading directly for the Slaves when Cosmos comes flying in, transforms and lands in front of his teammates. The metal discs bounce harmlessly off of his Cybertronian hull. The Autobot then blasts back off, and attacks Black Lantern Neo, who has been feasting on the heart of Mr. Miracle.
Black Lantern Harry Potter then flies in and notices a difference in Ms. Swift’s weaponry. “Hey, shouldn’t you be wielding some sort of staff??”
The country star quickly retorts, “Nope, you’re thinking of the mysterious Sith Lavarouk. This is a Sith Lanvarok. Here allow me to show you the diff….”
“Boooorrrinng,” yawns the decaying wizard as he blast Swift to smithereens with his dark magic. “I always preferred how Lady Gaga spun that disco stick for me anyways.”
Black Lantern Harry Potter is then clocked in the back of the head with a football as Tim Tebow triumphantly rushes out on to the battlefield. The Black Lantern spins around to see the quarterback kneel to one knee and bow his head beside several pieces that were once Taylor Swift.
“Ugh you gotta be kidding me?!” exclaims Potter. “Could they have at least sent Beckham after me? At least he’s a REAL football player!”
The Jesus-loving, Jockey-wearing, New York Jet launches another football at the wizard, but it’s blasted out of the air. The Black Lantern then uses his magical powers to lift Tebow up off of the ground and literally bend him in half backwards. Smoke pours out of Tim’s mouth and ears as sparks shoot violently from his eyes.
“Stupid L.M.D.s,” the Black Lantern grumbles to himself. He goes to toss the crunched body of the LMD Tebow aside when he sees a white light out from the corner of his eye. “Ah, crap.” He says to himself as the blast from White Lantern Deadman obliterates him.
High up in the air, Cosmos is dealing with an old friend and former teammate. Black Lantern Neo died as a Slave in Universe Bowl II, but the Commandos forced his resurrection this year. He is now a twisted visage of his former glory.
The Black Lantern Chosen One feeds off of the compassion just emanating out of Cosmos. “Come on Cosmos. Just die with dignity so I can set the record for being the first person to ever appear in three Universe Bowls.”
“HA! Even if the Commandos do prove to be victorious today, you will set no such record,” Cosmos replies. “You are not Neo. You are a grotesque abomination of his image. One that I shall eliminate shortly.”
The stocky Autobot rockets down at Neo, slamming into him as the two nose-dive towards the ground below.
“Now!!!” exclaims Cosmos as he closes his eyes and burns his thrusters.
Rodimus Prime with Yoda up on his shoulder reluctantly take aim and fire at their fellow teammate.
“NO!!” shouts Black Lantern Neo who starts punching and clawing his way through Cosmos’s chest, sending him to the Graveyard in an effort to evade this attack. But Yoda and Rodimus’s aim is true and together they vaporize Black Lantern Neo.
I did not want him to make that sacrifice, Master Yoda,” Rodimus Prime says to his teammate as Yoda leaps off of his shoulder and back onto his trust Kybuck.
“Sacrifices, too many there are this day,” Yoda mournfully comments. “More to come, fear I do,” he continues as he rides off.
Dozer #13 patiently waits on a nearby pine tree as he sets his target quite possibly just a tad too high. The tiny creature leaps off of the branch towards the approaching Yoda, but Kybuck sees this and snatches him out of mid air, chomping him to bits.
“Ok, Angel. Let’s send that little green muppet to the Graveyard,” remarks Buffy Summers as she ignites her blue lightsaber.
Buffy takes flight and flies right towards the Jedi Master as Angel races behind her on foot. Buffy swoops down and uses her lightsaber to send Kybuck into the afterlife. Yoda springs off of his steed and fires a shot from his Green Lantern ring at the Vampire Slayer. She’s knocked back, which sends her tumbling through the air. Angel takes aim and fires his S.P.I.N. Tech at Yoda, hoping that it will have some sort of affect on the Jedi and his mastery of the Force. This hope is unrealized as Yoda spins around and uses the Force to block the projectiles and send them back at Angel. The adamantium-tipped darts pierce the vampire’s skin. The nanobites work aggressively against the vampirism that flows through Angel’s body. They actually revert him back to a mortal, but due to his longevity, Angel deteriorates rapidly into nothing but dust.
“Angel!!!!!!!” screams Buffy as the Vampire Slayer watches Angel dissipate in the wind. A single tear falls from his eye as he is blown away.
She soars through the air, heading on a collision course with Yoda. Her anger clouds her vision, as Yoda calmly blocks her lightsaber swipe, flips up and over, landing on her back and drives his green lightsaber into the back of her neck. The Vampire Slayer drops from the sky as Yoda continues to control the pace of this conflict.
The 1,000 foot tall ice creature of destruction, known as Ymir, swings his mighty ice club towards the former Black Lantern version of Optimus Prime, but the Autobot leader narrowly evades the attack. Prime begins to scale a glacier, in a effort to gain the high ground (if there is a such thing against a 1,000 foot tall monster), but he is attack from the side by Rodimus Prime. The two wielders of the Matrix tumble from the glacier as White Lantern Deadman attempts to engage Ymir. The Frost Giant, however, is vastly stronger than the White Lantern and uses his ice powers to freeze Boston Brand solid, only to be shattered by a mighty swing of Ymir’s ice club.
“Rodimus, this isn’t a fight you want son,” says Optimus.
“Ohh trust me, I know Optimus. But that doesn’t matter, because I swore to Yoda that I would stop you since he knew this fight was something he could not bear,” replies Rodimus.
(The ironic thing about this confrontation, is that prior to his Black Lantern re-incarnations, Optimus Prime was a member of the Slaves, and Rodimus Prime was a Commando before joining the Slaves. They have both since also been healed of these manifestations, courtesy of the Autobot Matrix of Leadership.)
Optimus Prime spears Rodimus to the snow and breaks his rotator. Rodimus lets out a painful scream as Optimus finishes the job. “Sorry son, but I’m going to need this as well.” Optimus then opens up Rodimus’s chest and takes his version of the Matrix. He takes off back up the glacier as the massive head of Ymir faces the Autobot leader. Ymir’s face dwarfs the large transformer, but he is unfazed by the size. He then opens Rodimus’ Matrix up and uses its power to eradicate the Frost Giant. The reverb from the power of the Matrix and its close proximity of Optimus’s own version, causes great pain to him, dropping him to a knee.
He then feels a dark shadow loom near him. When Optimus looks up, he is met with a colossal blow from Sauron’s mace. The hit shatters Prime’s protective face plate. Sauron then uses the powers of the One Ring to destroy Optimus’ Matrix as well as his very spark. With use of his vast magical abilities, Sauron flings Prime’s lifeless body across the icy battleground and at the Superman duo’s feet. They are about to engage Sauron, when they are both nailed by a green energy brick wall.
“Your fight, with me it is,” states Yoda as his ring glows bright and his grip on his lightsaber tightens.
The two Supermen do not take this confrontation lightly as they have already seen Yoda take down the brunt of the Commandos’ A-team today. Kingdom Come Superman fires first with his heat vision, but Yoda blocks it. The Jedi Master shoots up into the sky, courtesy of his Green Lantern Ring and takes a swipe at Earth Two Superman. The lightsaber sparks across Kal-L’s chest, tearing the “S” on his costumer wide open. The swipe also injures him slightly.
“Agggh,” Earth Two Superman winces. He uses his powerful breath to blow Yoda back,, but the Jedi Master is relentless. He fires a volley of green energy blasts at Kingdom Come Superman, thus keeping him at bay and preventing him in aiding his partner.
“Kryptonite, my lightsaber crystal is,” says Yoda as Earth Two Superman notices the woozy sensation his cut is causing him. The diminutive Jedi grunts as he flies as fast as he can at the elderly Clark Kent and drives his lightsaber deep into his chest. Earth Two Superman shoots his heat vision high into the sky upon being impaled by the green blade.
Kingdom Come Superman blasts off towards Yoda but, the Jedi snaps around and is catches him in mid air with a powerful Force hold. He tries to use his heat vision as he is trapped by the constricting Force, but Yoda blocks it with his lightsaber. Kal-El then closes his eyes and focuses all his strength. With a mighty yell he uses all of his might and breaks free from Yoda’s grasp.
“Dora sends her regards,” Kingdom Come Superman says as he flies right at Yoda.
The impact sends a sonic boom blasting through the air as KC Superman connects with a devastating right cross. But it did not connect fully with the Jedi Master. Yoda was able to power up his green energy force field just in time.
Yoda spits some blood out from his mouth, “Strong you are, hmmm, but not that strong.”
The Jedi Master then uses his Green Lantern ring to supercharge his green lightsaber. Yoda zips through the air towards Kingdom Come Superman. He flies around him nearly at the speed of light, criss-crossing the Kryptonian a hundred times over. Yoda then spins up in front of Kal-El and swings his lightsaber as hard as he can, slicing right through him.
Yoda pants as this took everything he had out of him. The Jedi Master floats slowly down to the snowy ground below, but before he gets there, he is confronted by yet another member of the Commandos.
“Your fate has been sealed great Jedi Master,” the ominous Dr. Fate states. “Your time in the league has come to an end. I bid you farewell.”
“Hmmpph….so…. sure are we,” Yoda says as he reignites his lightsaber.
The Jedi leaps at Dr. Fate, but his is dematerialized by Fate, thus ending one of the single greatest Fantasy Fantasy careers of all time. However, the fate of this Conference Finals has yet to be decided.
The ring slinging trio of Leon, Katniss Everdeen and Luminara Unduli are currently attacking the Dark Lord of Mordor. Katniss’s Green Lantern ring has received a power boost from Master Unduli’s Blue Lantern Ring. The two of them keep Sauron on the defensive as Leon uses the fear that Sauron imposes on the universe to fuel his Yellow Lantern ring. Sauron then once again shows the Commandos who the real “Wielder of the Ring” is. He obliterates Unduli with but a flick of his hand. Sauron then wails Katniss with his mace, sending her careening across the landscape. He grabs Leon by the throat and pulls him in close. This however, is exactly what the assassin was hoping for.
“For….. Dora,” the Italian whispers. He then unlashes the full power of his Yellow Lantern ring, causing a massive explosion that destroys both Sauron and himself.
Cassandra Nova, who has not been seen since the desert, sneaks through the icy battlefield knowing that this contest is coming to a close. She sees Dr. Fate and blasts him with her Demon Rod. The sorcerer drops out of the sky, his cape smoldering. She jams the rod into his back and yanks the Helm of Nabu off of his head. The mutant places the helmet upon her own head, but is overwhelmed by the spirit of Nabu. She shriek’s out in pain and is unable to see the single green energy arrow that flies through the air. The arrow’s path is true and plunges right through an eye opening of the helmet, killing Cassandra Nova instantly.
Katniss Everdeen, bloodied and battered from this epic battle, slides down a snow covered hill. She puts her hands on her knees, exhausted. She looks around ands see the devastation that today’s conflict has wrought and thinks to herself if a Championship is worth this high of a price.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
