David Byrne's Meat Suits are Galactus and his Herald David Byrne, Hank Henshaw (w/ a yellow lantern ring), Hal Jordan, Scarlet Witch, Jade, Wingspan, Airbender #1-4, Black Beetle, Power Ring, Slippy Toad in a Jedi Starfighter, Capt. James Tiberius Kirk, Enterprise Lt. #1-2, & Enterprise Crew #1-5 in a Space-X Rocket, Atrocitus, Guy Gardner, Bill Cypher, Avatar Korra, Omnius in a Stealth X-Wing, Black Lantern Star Sapphire, Vampire Star Sapphire, Black Lantern Goblin, Orange Lantern Ghost #1, Walker: Texas Ranger in a B-Wing.
Dolla 49 McRib is Bizarro Superman, Anti-Monitor, Dr. Fate, Dr. Strange, Wong, Knull, Zeus, The Spectre, Blue Beetle, Blackfire, Wonder Woman, Starman, Count Dooku & FA-4 in Dooku's Ship, ID-4 Alien #9 in a Flying Saucer, ID-4 Alien #10 in a Flying Saucer, & Sub-Ultron #3-5.
Sup Fam, Joshatu the Bipp-Worthy here ready to rock this match in the beautiful Bespin clouds. The bright Sun of the Anoat Sector is shining bright, with very little breeze and I am chilling with a fat Arturo Fuente cigar and a Colt 45 in honor of my by boy Billy Dee on top of an Eternian Air Centurion board getting ready to watch two squads throw down in some monumental air on air action in this historical gas giant.
Let's start with the easy part. We all know that I am an insane nit-picker of details; so we will commence with a chuckle as the teams appear and we watch several people from each squad fall out of the sky to who knows where. For the Meat Suits I am watching the insanely powerful, yet land-lubbing Scarlet Witch do what she can to blast herself back into the air while she falls into the atmoshphere. A valiant effort but epic fail. I consulted the ultimate authority on all things Avatar (I asked Alex) and he assured me that only one air bender in the whole Avatar Universe could fly and that Korra and random Air Bender #1-4 ain't it (bummer because they were all at 9 deaths (looks like four random McRibs are about to get credit for sending some cats to the graveyard)). Omnius: The masterfully logical robot is not exactly known for his sense of humor; but he can't help but giggle at his own meat suit teammates falling to their doom, while he was given a shiny new Stealth X-Wing to fly around in despite being able to fly on his own. As for The McRibs, Zeus initially looked like he was going to have the same issues as Scarlet Witch: But he was able to stay afloat by hanging out in the clouds and securing himself with lightning. Watching him jump around from cloud to cloud Mario and Luigi style is almost as much fun as watching some of the other peeps fall out of the sky. Almost. I have never seen a symbiote fly, especially unassisted by the floating capabilites of fantasy space; but Wikipedia says Knull can fly; so we are going to let it slide (and yes, Joshatu just used the royal we to describe himself before switching back to speaking in the third person). As for Wonder Woman: I know a bunch of you kids think she can fly because you have watched some DC Cartoons trying to make her out to be a large breasted Superman; but as a guy who has been reading comics since The Roosevelt administration; I got to tell ya...... She can't fly. She wouldn't need an invisible jet if she did.
Now that whoopsies are out of the way: LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE. Count Dooku in his environmentally safe windsail ship gets on the McRib Com to the other Leftist Warriors of Social Justice on his squad such as Blackfire (a liberal white girl, despite her blatant cultural appropriation displayed by her name). They also enlist The ID-4 Aliens, Starman, and Wong to attack, deface, and draw Nazi symbols on The Space-X Rocket because they have been enticed to do so by their liberal sensibilities, the news, and Alex Soros, despite thinking Elon Musk was The Cat's meow just ten short months ago. Omnius, controlling the Stealth X-Wing as good as any human ever has quickly moves to defend the honor of his fellow AI worshipping, humanity destroying future humanist Elon Musk. Plus Jim Kirk is just a bro's bro and even a genocidal robot can't deny that. The Independence Day Offworlders focus their green s*** at The Space X Rocket and it starts to take heavy damage causing Capt. Kirk to dramatically bounce around the inside of the spaceship; but Omnius in his Stealth X-Wing stealthily moves into position and Xes them both of my trusty notebook to my left. Jim T.K. and the boys turn their craft to the left in a desperate and daring kamikaze move to crash into Dooku's Geonosian Craft, knowing that they were going down anyway after the damage they had sustained. Lord Tyrannus, ejects out of the craft, leaving his droid to take one for the team and finds himself standing atop the doomed vessel. Dooku is still pretty spry for an older fellow though and manages to force leap onto the back of The Stealth X-Wing and disable the thrusters with some aggressive negotiations via his ergonomically curved lightsaber. Omnius, in a multi-armed robot form climbs to the top of the ship's hull, where Dooku quickly dispatches him with his Form 2 prowess in a way that would make any ancient ginaz swordmaster proud; before the ship and the Sith Lord plummet to their doom.
Black Lantern Goblin is simply loving life, err afterlife, or undead life or whatever his new found existence may be. As a dude who has known nothing but death, destruction, and killing his whole life basically the only difference is that now it is way easier to eat the bodies, souls, brains, and hearts of his victims. Plus he can fly. Talk about a win-win. He is chilling in the open air with his three undead buddies when the three Sub-Ultrons show up to ruin their fun. The Sub-Ultrons manage to combine multiple energy sourced weapons to take out The Black Lantern and Vampire Star Sapphires; but they can not finish the fight as Bee-El Gob and his brotha from anotha icky-mud-ground-womb Orange Lantern Ghost #1 take out the robot jerks.
Bill Cipher, in all of his trillions of years of meaningless life states obnoxiously that he has never come across an individual so interesting and powerful as Dr. Fate. So, he decides to invite Dr. Fate into a burning chaos where the two of them can enter the Nightmare Realm and finally die together.
Galactus shows up to the match fashionably late after his trusty Herald David Byrne, in his fiery, floating "Talking Head" form told him that he could have a delicious tibanna gas snack by eating the gas giant Bespin. He is met by the The Anti Monitor and The Spectre at his entrance where the foursome rudely interrupt a skirmish taking place between Bizarro Superman, who is taking on the unlikely partners Hal Jordan and Hank Henshaw. The Anti-Monitor in a vicious display of power grabs a hold of David Byrne's forehead and instantly overpowers the cosmic programming of Galactus. He not only enslaves Byrne and returns him to his natural weakened human state; but then commits the unthinkable, as he forces Dave to reunite with The Talking Heads and do a world tour of small venues charging a minimal fee of no more than $17 a a ticket. The new age, 80s punk fans may have been thrilled; but his suffering before The Anti-Monitor finally allowed Byrne to die was immeasurable. Galactus, in recompense for the terrible sins committed against his Herald, then swallowed The Anti-Monitor whole and then pointed the cosmic flatulence of his feast towards The Spectre disproving the over-powered nature theory of DC god-tier characters Vs. that of Marvel. Hank Henshaw and Hal Jordan, like two old armed forces frenemies from different military branches will only refer to each other as "Green" and "Yellow"; but are working very good together against Bizarro. Bizarro may have a power ceiling that outmatches either one of the lanterns; but not being retarded goes a long way. They eventually are able to overpower the grey looking Superman thing; because teamwork makes the dream work.
Atrocitus and Guy Gardner attempt to do a similar buddy good cop bad cop routine on Zeus and Dr. Strange; but it doesn't work out as well for the Meat Suits this time around. Zeus shoves a lightning bolt up the butt of Guy Gardner just like the Sam Jackson/Die Hard 3 version of the character threatened to do to Bruce Willis, before frolicking away on to the next available okta of clouds. Atrocitus is naturally angered by this and aggressively moves towards Dr. Strange; but The Sorcerer Supreme moves his hands around dramatically to make Atrocitus disappear. The wizard is extremely proud of himself, so much so that he doesn't see Slippy Toad fly in out of nowhere and hit him with an advanced missile.
Power Ring, Wingspan, and Jade team up because they read on Wikipedia that Knull is like super O.P. And he probably is, I just don't like him because I am super old and I, like any good fanboy nerd prefer characters that came out when I was a kid or long before I was born and this Dude came out sometime around me getting a second divorce and throwing my back out the for first time. Regardless, Knull shows up all powerful like and stuff and can't even decide if he should act like he is a Spider-Man villain, a Thor villain, or a Silver Surfer villain. So, he does all three of them at once while tapping into his 642 powers or whatever and vanishes these three tried and true, super rad characters from my childhood so quickly that I can't even tell exactly what he did (so don't try and say I am biased against new comics).
Black Beetle and Blue Beetle start duking it out something fierce and I have a front row seat to the mayhem. I could give you the play by play on the action, but instead will go the philosophical route and say that they are really putting pressure on the culture and testing the pulse of the modern political landscape by asking the question of whether or not it is black lives or blue lives that matter. Me, an intellectual of course knows that the answer is neither and have no problem watching them destroy each other.
The remaining members of both squads double back and regroup with one another and then when they realize there really isn't anywhere to go in this setting they start flying in fast towards each other. Walker: Texas Ranger, whom I was originally going to have die in the first act because I know of no canon inference that would make anyone think he was capable of piloting a B-Wing leads the way for The Meat Suits. He is of course still here, because when I attempted to move towards his B-Wing at the beginning of the match to let him know my opinion, Walker looked me in the eyes and threatened to round house kick me in the face; so I let it slide. Now that we are well into the match, it would appear the Texas Ranger is doing a Hell of a job in the cockpit. The McRibs take up a defensive position while Zeus provides some cloud cover and his four flying teammates surround him. Wong and Blackfire become locked in a pitched battle against Hank and Hal, while Galactus decides to showcase his jealousy of a new O.P. Marvel villain after being the top dawg for so many decades and completely disintegrates Knull. Slippy Toad, blasts through the clouds in a search for Zeus with Gee-El Gobs and The Orange Ghost as his wing men on either side (literally just hanging on to the wings of his Jedi Starfighter). Zeus seemingly comes out of nowhere to deliver two simultaneous lightning bolts to The Black Lantern Goblin (one CC and one CG). These multiple energies destroyed him, while his Orange Lantern buddy met a similar fate when he tried to occupy the body of the god of Lightning but found that the being was far too powerful to allow that to happen. Zeus, then ripped Slippy Toad directly out of the cockpit of The Jedi Starfighter and jumped in to take his place thinking he was about to have some real fun in this stolen steel air chariot; but the Gonk Droid in the back went into self-destruct mode after Slippy was thrown from the vehicle which ignited the ship, including the hyperdrive which caused an enormous enough bang to send Zeus back to Elysium. Starman has hit Walker's B-Wing with an especially nasty bit of energy from his cosmic rod that has taken the Rebel Ship out of commission; but Walker has leapt out of the vehicle to upper cut Starman's head off. Walker, I assumed would have instantly fallen to his death; but thus far is keeping himself airborne by repeatedly roundhouse kicking in a helicopter type motion. Back to Wong and Blackfire Vs. Yellow and Green, which is still a skirmish going strong. The two remaining McRibs focus all their magical and Tamaranean powers towards Hank Henshaw which mix together well against the Cyborg-Superman-Daxomite-
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