TEAM Vs. The Doctor's Madhouse

 TEAM is Unicron, Primus, Ego, Set, God Emperor Leto II, Thanos, Maw, Blitzwing, Astrotrain, Mace Windu, Thor, Achilles, Myrmidon #1 (w/ a short sword), Myrmidon #2-5, Thunderstrike, The GAang:  Katara, Sokka, Toph, Appa, & Momo, Godzilla, Yakub in Conner's Mazda, Dapper Man in a Lamborghini Jalpa, Zachary Houslander (w/ an aluminum baseball bat) in Ed's Plymouth Sundance, Arc Trooper Zachary Houslander in a Lamborghini Huracan, Soundwave w/ Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Lazerbeak, Buzzsaw, Ratbat, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawktalk, Beastbox, Garboil, Howlback, Glit, Enemy, Decepticon Cassette #1-5, & Transformer Cassette #1-5, Lightning Lad, Kryptonian #1A, Yellow Lantern #2, Phibian #1-10, & Jack Lalane on a Jetski.  

The Doctor's Madhouse is Darth Vader in  a TIE Dagger, Clone Trooper #1-2 in a Bespin Cloud Car, Batman (w/ a Kryptonite Suit) in The Tumbler, Robin (Damien Wayne) on The R-Cycle, Alfred Pennyworth in a F-15, Blade in The O.G. Batmobile, Dr. Manhattan, Silver Surfer, Ursa, Black Adam w/ Osiris & Isis, Ranx The Sentient City, Scarecrow (w/ a Yellow Lantern Ring), Voldemort (w/ a Yellow Lantern Ring), Brainiac, The Beyonder, Blue Marvel, Kid Flash, Captain Atom, Kwiastz Haderach Duncan Idaho, Saruman the White, Ocean Master, Swamp Thing, Seaworm #8-9, Invincible (Mark Grayson), Atom Eve, Dupli-Kate, Robot, Rex Splode, & Allen the Alien.

There is an unique feeling that perhaps only seasoned FFL Watchers understand.  It is the feeling of receiving two very different, very large FFL Squads via email several days apart and after examining them both saying to yourself on both occasions:  "That squad is unbeatable".  This instance is rare but not unheard of; and this week was one of those rare occasions........

TEAM, with their apparent size advantage is already positioned successfully around the entirety of the setting; while The Madhouse Leadership namely the strategic masterminds, The Duo of Dark Knights:  Lord Vader and Batman attempt to put together a plan of action that can destroy the terrible TEAM presence, ever visible in this brutal, yet inevitable battle for Playoff Survival.  

TEAM stands on the defensive with a significant hold in the most important settings.  Planets in the upper atmosphere, an ancient beast in the singular ocean, and a massive seven-headed world destroyer which has already taken over the planet's capitol city.  With so many predetermined settings of battle, only about a dozen warriors from each squad wander about the planet and surrounding areas.  

Batman and Vader have formed two elite squads to simultaneously take out Set in the city and the planetary trio in space.  Batman to lead the former and Vader the latter.  

Batman speaks candidly to his hand selected troops in a hidden, undisclosed location in the city.  Batman speaks to Robin, Alfred, Blade, Black Adam, Osiris, & Isis saying:  "Many would say that a group this small has no business attacking an entity of such enormous size and strength as Set.  Several of us here do not even have super powers.  We have seven heads of a city size serpent to destroy.  I am not going to tell you men that I didn't want more members of out team on this squad.  That would be a lie.  The truth is, the only member of our squad who we know is powerful enough to take out a head of Set is The Silver Surfer, he has done it before and I would love to have him in this room; but he is needed by Lord Vader in space, where are brothers in arms face a threat just as arduous as the one we face here.  In space we have Ranx, our most powerful teammate, but he will still need a lot of backup.  Lord Vader and Dr. Manhattan have requested not only all of our space worthy ships which we are short on; but also The Silver Surfer, Ursa, The Beyonder, and Captain Atom.  There is nothing we can do to help them here, and we cannot expect any help from them either.  The bottom line is clear:  There are seven people in this room and the monster known as Set has seven heads.  The task may seem daunting, and we may not come out of this alive; but your orders are clear:  Every person here owes me a head".  

As the epic city and space battles commence, we instead focus our attention on the Playoff Planet's singular Sea.  The Doctor's Madhouse once again is on the offensive and strives to bring the battle not out of the water completely; but at least towards the surface.  The Jungle and Forest are empty and Swamp Thing has joined his team in the water, not only as a fighter, but as the leader, much to the dismay of Ocean Master.  An enormous wake like no mere mortal has ever witnessed formulates as the head and upper torso of Godzilla comes to the surface.  He is surrounded by his TEAMmates, The Phibians, Jack Lalane swimming with handcuffs on and pulling his Jetski behind him, Katara, and her brother Sokka riding above the waves on Appa.  They are met not only by Swamp Thing and Ocean Master, but also by their two Seaworms.  The water erupts as the madness of this skirmish commences.  The Seaworms move towards The GAang members first, leaping out of the water to pull Appa down into it.  Katara with her mastery of water bending attempts to fend off the beasts; but the genetic monstrosities are relentless.  Seaworm #9 swallows Katara whole, while #10 begins taking chunks out of Appa.  But the carnage of the water Shai Haluds would come to an end when Sokka avenges his Sister with a suicidal sword thrust into the throat of the worm as he is being swallowed.  The other being taken out by Jack Lalane picking up his Jetski and using it as a blunt force object to send #10 to The Graveyard as well.  Ocean Master becomes surrounded by the ten Phibians and is able to handle himself for a time, taking out #1, 3, 6, & 7-9 before eventually being strangled out by the muscular and fierce genetic abominations.  Swamp Thing manages to take out the remaining Phibians; but despite his power cannot withstand a full force shot of lightning breath from Godzilla.  

 Deep in the Desert, The God Emperor zips through the dunes with Toph, Momo, Achilles, and his Myrmidons patrolling behind.  They are met by Atom Eve, Dupi-Kate, Rex Splode, & Allen the Alien who have taken to new leadership under Blue Marvel.  Blue Marvel theatrically runs in front of his desert squad, stops, and points giving the signal for his troops to attack.  Rex Splode runs up on Momo and touches him with his finger, exploding the poor little lemur into bloody, fur cutlets which really pisses off Toph.  The Blind Bandit wastes no time getting revenge as she stomps the sand around her into a large concrete slab that lands on the head of Rex and naturally explodes as it crushes his skull.  The earth bender then turns her attention to Allen the Alien whom she thrusts her metal chains upon running him through.  The original metal bender is then stopped from further putting on a battle clinic when she is hit by a massive, manipulated burst of energy delivered from Atom Eve.  Blue Marvel moves towards what appears to be nothing more than a shirtless, young Greek Lad; but soon realizes that he is surrounded by The Myrmidons.  While this fight commences, The God Emperor Leto II is being double teamed by, no triple teamed, wait quadruple teamed, well; you get the picture by Atom Eve, Dupli-Kate, and an ever growing number of duplicates created by Kate.  The two skirmishes go on simultaneously.  Leto pulls arms from his encrusted worm shell and grabs a hold of Atom Eve, breaking her in two; but still finds himself surrounded by numerous duplicates of Dupli-Kate.  The clones move swiftly; but are amazed at how fast Leto is able to move through the Dunes despite his immense size.  A sandstorm seems to envelop as the dunes are thrown about from such rapid movement causing The God Emperor to gain the upper hand and destroy the duplicates one by one.  in the other nearby skirmish, Blue Marvel is picking off Myrmidons, but not nearly as quickly as he thought he would.  Their fighting prowess is unmatched and the heavily enhanced Blue Marvel is amazed that he cannot seem to land a blow on Achilles.  With the appearance of a mere sword wielding mortal, Achilles is far more than that as he is born to be the perfect mortal warrior yet also guided by the gods of Olympus.  The Myrmidon troops of Achilles fall one by one to the might of Blue Marvel, which serves to further enrage the son of Thetis.  Blue Marvel and Achilles find themselves at a stalemate until Blue Marvel feels a disturbance deep in the back of cerebral cortex.  The God Emperor has joined the battle, not only physically; but mentally as well.  This leaves Blue Marvel open to a mortal blow from Achilles who sends his blade deep into the neck of The Mighty Avenger revealing a weakness that even Blue Marvel himself did not know about.  

As what was once the "good" part of town is currently being destroyed by Set and those who oppose him, Dapper Man is rolling around in the "not so great" part of town in a classic, cherry red, near mint 1983 Lamborghini Jalpa.  He stops for gas and pays at the pump so he doesn't have to abandon his vehicle or put out his cigarette.  He says aloud to himself:  "There are yellow lanterns here, I hate yellow lanterns".  Dapper Man was right of course as combatants start moving in swiftly from both teams to start what may turn out to be a great skirmish on the not so great side of town.  Just as The Dapper Man predicted, both Yellow Lantern Voldemort and Yellow Lantern Scarecrow come flying in fast and hit The Dapper Man with a duo of yellow energy fists (luckily The Lamborghini Jalpa was unharmed).  As Master Windu, the Thors and the Zacks join the scene for TEAM, so too do Kid Flash, Invincible, Robot, Duncan Idaho, & Saruman on the side of The Madhouse.  But as this battle gets underway, we shall let it do so as we examine how the epic space and city battles are faring.  

In a perfect world, Batman and his six companions could have each fought with a singular head of Set on their own; but a battle with Set has far too much chaos involved for an idea that straight forward.  Each Madhouse Member has his "set Set" assignment; but really everyone is battling the beast together.  For hours the fight rages on, with death being narrowly escaped myriad times; but without significant damage as of yet done to Set.  Black Adam decides to take this battle to the next level though as he throws caution to the wind and moves in at a breakneck flight speed towards his targeted head.  Osiris and Isis see the bloodlust in the eyes of their commander and fly in fast behind him for backup.  Black Adam sees that their approach is imperfect but he cannot allow himself to be hindered by it.  While Set reaches out with two of his heads, swallowing both Isis and Osiris whole, adding their power to his own immense scale.  Black Adam comes down on the head of Set with a punch that could melt steel beams and delivers a magical lightning blast of incalculable intensity, being the first Madhouse member to succeed in taking out a head of Set.  "One down, six to go".  Batman says over the com as we leave this skirmish once again to examine the final frontier of space.  

As it is everywhere else on the Playoff Map, The Space battle is raging on.  Ego materializes a monstrous hand from his globe like body and wraps the city block size fingers around Captain Atom, dematerializing said arm back into the living planet persona.  Ranx then decides to move as swiftly as a sentient city can and make his play against Ego.  The larger Ego attempts to envelop Ranx; but his yellow lantern energy is simply too much for the Marvel entity.  Such massive power is too much for either celestial being to handle as they join each other in death.  Vader and Dr. Manhattan have split up with Vader taking the clones and Silver Surfer to battle Primus, and Dr. Manhattan taking Ursa and The Beyonder against Unicron; but unfortunately for the already undermanned Madhouse, those are not the only combatants that The TEAM Squad has sent into space........  

Rolling through the old abandoned Tartarian Forest covered ancient *city of The Playoff Planet (*See The Doctor's Madhouse Vs. Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips:  Week 5) is Yakub.  Yakub was supposed to be in one of the lamborghinis but his head was too big to fit inside; so when they were trying to figure out which TEAMmember would drive which car it got confusing.  They were originally going to give Yakub Ed's hood a** Plymouth Sundance because it wasn't even black history month or anything, but then they remembered that the two Zachs needed cars and that no universe's version of Zachary Houslander knows how to drive a stick.  But none of that mattered because before they could decide, Yakub stole Conner's Mazda and went looking for a fried chicken joint.  Instead he stumbled upon this ancient city where Yakub decided to get out of his new Mazda and start a new religion (and by start a new religion I of course mean:  Smoke a blunt).  It is at this point that he is encountered by Brainiac.  The two of them, then have to get into a deep discussion of how the world came to be before they have a battle of the big heads.  Yakub almost convinces Brainiac that it was he that originally created the green man to be an evil example of what the true human was supposed to hate and that they should probably go back to his flying wheel in the sky to discuss it further (and by flying wheel in tbe sky, I of course mean his stolen Mazda).  But instead they meld minds and begin an endless mental fight (and by endless, I of course mean it lasted fifteen seconds before Brainiac won and Yakub died).  

{Back to Space}

TEAM's two massive Cybertronian Planets are being backed up by Thanos, Maw, a Kryptonian, a Yellow Lantern, and Astrotrain.  Opting to back up Unicron after receiving orders to do so from the world destroyer himself Thanos and Maw engage Dr. Manhattan who makes short work of Ebony Maw before engaging in a pitched battle with The Mad Titan.  Astrotrain is flanked by The DC Commons as they fly in fast against Ursa.  This leaves The Beyonder on his own against Unicron who doesn't last very long once Unicron begins his transforming process and unleashes some cosmic laser blasts.  Ursa flies towards the dark colored space shuttle, Kryptonian, and Yellow Lantern thinking that she will dispatch them quickly so she can get back to her true purpose of destroying Unicron.  Erz the Kryptonian and Zelda the Yellow Lantern flank Ursa from both sides, while Astrotrain in a surprise move pulls a sharp "L" turn opening his side hatch to reveal a Jet form Blitzwing who flies in towards Ursa and pulls the exact same move, opening his side hatch and ejecting Soundwave in radio form out of his cockpit.  Soundwave then transforms into his robot form and ejects:  Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Ratbat, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Overkill, Slugfest, Squwaktalk, Beastbox (who instantly merge to form Squawktalk), Garboil, Howlback, Glit, Enemy, and ten more Cassettes causing Ursa to realize that she has far more on her plate than she initially had thought.  Thanos and Dr. Manhattan are in the midst of a fight with mental attacks, cosmic manipulation, emotional warfare, and good old fashioned haymakers, when The two Triple Changers Astrotrain and Blitzwing come in to interfere.  Manhattan turns his attention to the two Decepticons and vaporizes their Cybertronian metal into dust; but Thanos takes that raw energy expelled by Manhattan, manipulates it and directs it back at The Doctor.  "As you always say:  A live body and a dead body contain the same amount of particles".  Says Thanos with a smirk.  Dr. Manhattan makes eye contact with the Mad Titan paraphrasing with his last cosmic breath:  "You could not live with your own failure and where did that bring you:  WITH me".  With this exchange they both cease to exist.  Darth Vader is flanked closely by his two 501st Clones and loyal wingmen as they fly in swiftly towards the enormous robot form of Primus, while The Surfer flies in around the back of the Cybertronian Metal god to hit him from both sides.  Thoughts flood Vader's mind as he attempts to examine what possibilities could arise from this attack.  The Bespin Cloud Car following him are not normally even capable of this type of space flight, let alone the speeds it is attaining by following this close to his TIE Dagger.  But Vader personally modified the craft before the battle knowing what it would need to be capable of.  "I'm good at fixing things......  Always have been".....  Vader says to himself, invoking ancient memories and emotions long forgotten and suppressed.  He witnesses Silver Surfer moving at amazing speeds and hitting their opponent with the power cosmic, doing damage (but not enough).  With no missiles on board The TIE Dagger, Vader knows that he must depend on Silver Surfer to do some serious damage before he can possibly inflict enough destructive force with his basic laser cannons and heavy laser cannons.  The ships move into position when Vader, only as a matter strategy sees that his wingman, the Bespin Cloud Car and the two loyal troopers inside have been obliterated by a laser blast from Primus.  Vader holds his course hearing the macabre, dismissive voice of his old master:  "They have done their duty so we can do ours".  Their attack run on Primus continues......   

{Back planet side}.

While the night sky of The Playoff Planet is ablaze with the space battle above, the battle of the city with the serpent does as well.  With the help of Batman and some laser guided missiles from the Tumbler, Blade was able to daringly launch his Batmobile off the roof of a nearby skyscraper, crash it into a head of Set and then deal the killing blow to the same head with his silver bladed, exploding sword before being swallowed whole by the neighboring head.  Robin, in a suicidal, yet brave maneuver was able to take out a head of the massive, mythological serpent as well by employing some JLA/BatTech built into his R-Cycle inside the mouth of Set's head #3.  Unfortunately, he had to drive the cycle directly into the mouth itself and couldn't make it out to celebrate.  Alfred, was not so lucky.  He may not be an Ace Pilot in an F-15; but he was certainly a capable one.  But it wasn't enough firepower to accomplish his goal before being shot down by a fiery bit of mystical breath.   Batman has managed to take out a head on his own as well; but has exhausted all fo the firepower on The Tumbler.  But even half of Set is still quite an enemy............

{Space.  Again..}

Ursa stands (floats actually) alone in space having not even moved against her dedicated foe Unicron.  She has choked out Erz, defeated Zelda with a blast of heat vision, overpowered the formative Lightning Lad, knocked down the first ten Cassettes that Soundwave's guys used as first line bullet catchers, and turned Garboil, Howlback, Buzzsaw, & Glit into scrap metal before she was overwhelmed by the Unicron enhanced Decepticon firepower from Soundwave and his remaining Cassettes that even a Kryptonian could not sustain.  Unicron still stands basically untouched as Vader and The Surfer continue their attack run on his brother Primus.  Silver Surfer has unleashed a flurry of cosmic attacks as planned but Lord Vader has come to realize that his craft simply does not have the firepower to take down Primus.  It seems Primus may have realized this as well as he focuses his concentration on Silver Surfer.  The now heavily damaged Primus focuses his ancient Cybertronian god-like powers on Norrin Radd causing the chrome body of The Surfer to corrode off of him exposing his underbody to the rigors of space.  Vader knows that this is now a long shot but looks inward with The Force.  He focuses on the spark of the giant Transformer and sets a course directly for it.  Vader, knowing that his ship doesn't have the onboard firepower to make the final shot, ejects himself into space and uses the TIE most literally as a Dagger into the exposed spark of Primus to take him out.  Darth Vader......  Now the sole member of The Madhouse in space is free-floating, sans ship.  Alive, because of his suit; but with no manner of tech to do battle with the planet destroying Transformer known as Unicron.  Batman speaks to the entire Madhouse Squad via com.  Batman says to The Madhouse Members:  "Lord Vader's ship is down.  We will have to try and figure out a different way to take out Unicron".  As Vader floats in the loneliness of space the singular word of Bruce Wayne rings in his head.  "Try".........  "Try".  His training comes back into his head.  "Do or do not.  There is no try"........  Darth Vader achieves a deep Force trance and focuses on the silver board that his now deceased teammate used for transport.  With his mastery of The Force, Darth Vader summons the free floating board of The Silver Surfer and mounts it.  He flies into the mouth of Unicron with The Force as his ally and is guided directly to the source of his spark.  Vader sends one more message via com to Batman saying:  "The plan is still valid.  Execute Order 32".  Darth Vader concentrates every bit of energy he can muster.  A mix of Sith lightning, Physical Force crushing, and mental manipulation as he whispers to himself one last time:  "The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of The Force".  With this final thought, Vader allows himself to be ripped apart as if he were a voodoo doll of the enormous Unicron who is ripped apart as well.  Batman, knowing the secret plan held close to the chest by only he and Lord Vader orders his team away.  Only he remains in the center of Set to use JLA Satellites to manipulate the gravitation pull of The Playoff Planet and direct the cosmic powered, energy infused Cybertronian metal pieces of the now dead Unicron down to the planet, sacrificing himself for the Madhouse as Vader did to destroy the last remaining heads of Set.  

Earthquakes, tremors, and impromptu storms rock The Playoff Planet as the skirmish on the other side of the city continues.  Thor and Thunderstrike work in unison to battle the yellow lantern duo of Voldemort and Scarecrow, when Invincible comes in to disrupt the fight.  The two Zacharys roll up in unison in a Lamborghini and Ed's old Plymouth Sundance.  You would think the Lambo would get there faster, but the Zach in the Sundance took a short cut across the grass.  They J-Turn into position and manage to crush Robot between the two vehicles.  They both jump out in unison with Arc Trooper Zachary blasting Robot repeatedly with his rifle and O.G. Zachary finishing him off with a good old motor city beatdown to the head with his bat.  Duncan Idaho rushes onto the scene after he sees Robot go down and crescent kicks Regular Zack to the head before pulling out his Atreides blade to find a kink in The Arc Trooper armor to take out the other Zachary.  Thor knocks off the head of Scarecrow with his hammer, but instantly is engaged by Invincible in a test of strength.  Thunderstrike doesn't fare as well against Voldemort though as he is hit by a yellow lantern infused death spell from The Dark Lord of the Death Eaters.  Kid Flash moves in at an insane speed, but he arrives at his destination in two pieces as he was met by a purple lightsaber through the chest before he could get there.  Thor overpowers Invincible, albeit with high diff and then bodyslams him to the ground before driving his hammer into Invincible's skull.  The great Norse god is then overpowered by the trio of Voldemort, Idaho, and Saruman.

As we enter the final stage of this battle; the remaining members of both Squads converge on the nearby humid setting in a clearing of the jungle.  Soundwave and his remaining crew, along with Achilles, The God Emperor, and Mace Windu await some potential reinforcement as they take on Black Adam, Brainiac, Voldemort, Duncan Idaho, & Saruman.  Brainiac overpowers the computing memory of Laserbeak, and then is able to physically blow up the advanced leadership focused brain/spark of Ratbat; but is unable to do the same to the many million year old super computer running the systems of Soundwave.  Although Brainiac does make sure to fry the circuitry of the much larger Decepticon Spymaster before he falls to his might.  Black Adam blasts apart the two in one Decepticon Squawktalk, thinking that they had the upper hand, when Jack Lalane, carrying both the hammers of Thor and Thunderstrike, and riding atop Godzilla show up to the skirimsh.  Most fighters can't take the time to break away from their current fight to react; and the action continues on as it had.  Black Adam is having a tougher time than he thought he should against Enemy, when his two brothers Rumble and Frenzy come in to lend a hand.  Duncan Idaho channels the fighting prowess of the ancient Ginaz Swordmasters when he mows through the dinosaur Decepticons Overkill and Slugfest as well as Ravage.  He then engages in a fast paced, pitched battle with Achilles that ends with an Atreides Gom Jibbar in the heel of the greatest Greek before Duncan comes face to face with Leto The Tyrant causing the universe to realize that there cannot be two Kwisatz Haderachs in one place.  They dematerialize and join Paul, their Duke, and Shai Halud in the next realm.  Black Adam knocks Frenzy aside damaging his transformable arm and then delivers spark killing blows to Rumble and Enemy before Jack Lalane screams:  "TEAM TOGETHER" in a last ditch effort to rally his TEAMmates, and is thrown from the back of the monstrous dinosaur as he does.  Godzilla goes for Black Adam after this coating him in lightning breath and finally putting Black Adam's reign of TEAM killing to an end.  Voldemort sends some serious magical/Qwardian power at Mace Windu; but the Senior Jedi Master blocks it with his lightsaber and redirects the energy back at The Dark Lord.  This time, nobody stops Mace and a man too dangerous to be left alive is killed.  Mace turns to Saruman who is channeling every bit of power he can.  Saruman moves in quickly towards Master Windu thrusting his staff into his chest and blowing a hole through him.  Now, at full power, Saruman calls upon his ancient magic to enhance his speed and strength to its limit.  Godzilla postures towards Saruman, the true White Wizard who stabs his wizard staff into the ground and yells:  "YOU SHALL NOT PASS"!!!!  Returning them both to The Valar.

Zachary Houslander awakens from his head trauma and instantly leaps up, grabbing his aluminum baseball bat and looking to join his TEAMmates.  He sees a damaged Frenzy to his left and a bruised Jack Lalane to his right.  

"WHERE ARE THEY?!!?  WHAT'S NEXT?!!?  WHAT HAPPENED?!!?".  Asks Zachary.

Lalane replies:  "We won Kid.  That's what happened".     

Week 9 Staff Consortium: David Byrne's Meat Suits vs The Sigmaz

David Byrne's Meat Suits: Treebeard, Uruk Hai #5-10, Fallen Dwarves #5-10, Black Lantern Goblin

Sigmaz: Aragorn Son Of Arathorn, Eowyn, Fell Beast #2, Mordor Horse #2, And Goblin #1 w/ AR-15

Week 9: Underhills vs Doctor's Madhouse

The Underhills are: Blue Wizard #1, Blue Wizard #2, Ents #2-3, Rider of Rohan #1-3

Doctor’s Madhouse is:

Frodo Baggins w/ Dwarf Ring #2, Elrond w/ Elvin Ring, Hobbit #1-5, Daxamite #1-4

The battle in the Shire starts out with the Daxamites using their heat vision on the slowly approaching Ents. The fire starts to rip through their branches and a few shots are able to remove a couple limbs that fall and accidentally throw Rohan Rider #1 from his horse. Elrond Shoots #2-3 in the head quickly as the Hobbits begin to beat the first rider with rocks and sticks from the Ents. Ent#2, in a fit of rage, is able to smash the five halflings to death before he is fully engulfed in flames and falls in the middle of the battlefield. 

Blue Wizard #1 casts dark clouds above the battle, robbing the Daxamites of their solar energy absorption, quickly draining their powers and Blue Wizard #2 is able to chain a lightning strike through the four of them sending their scorched bodies to the ground. 

Frodo, filled with rage from his dwarf ring and from seeing his kinfolk smashed to mush, picks up a sword from one of the fallen Rohan Riders as Elrond mounts one of their steeds and they charge at the Wizards. Wizard #1 casts a protective shield around Wizard #2 just in time to deflect a barrage of arrows from the Lord of Rivendell. Frodo wisely decides to take out the healer and has managed to get behind the first wizard and run the sword through his back. Ent #3 is still flailing, ablaze and missing many limbs. Takes his final effort to fall in the vicinity of the ring bearer and the wizard crushing them both as he dies. 

Wizard #2 quickly dives behind the fallen Ent and stumbles, taking an arrow to the knee from the quickly approaching Elrond. He rolls on his back against the trunk of the Ent and raises his staff to ready for a fireball. As the horse jumps the tree, his front hoof kicks the staff free from his hand. As the horse lands, riderless, he manages to lock eyes with Elrond as he releases his arrow.

Week 9: Sigmas vs. The Sportsball Team Formerly Known As Redskins

 The Sigmas are: Bilbo Baggins, Gollum, Thorin Oakenshield, Dwalin, and a Tree Sentinel.

The Indigenous Peoples of the Oregon Territory are: Yoda w/Dwarf Ring #4

Yoda browses the aisles, seeking a bargain. He picks up a jar of whimsical purple supplements, “anti-stress” according to the packaging. He flips to the back - Ashwagandha root extract. L-Theanine. Lemon balm… once again, no ketamine. He grumbles and returns the container to its place on the shelf. Settling for a lone tube of Bengay, he makes his way to the checkout. As he goes to exit the Dagobah Walgreens, the automatic doors glide apart to reveal a land unfamiliar to him. He turns to find the pharmacy has vanished and nods. “Begun, the final week has.” Across the rolling green hills he sees The Shire, and makes his way toward today’s fated battle.

In The Shire, Gollum paces and crawls what little floor space exists in Bag End. He wheezes to himself as Bilbo, Thorin, and Dwalin do their best to put the creature’s stirring out of mind. “We gets the Vampire Bite… we BITES the fingers, we takes The Precious BACK!” He snaps like a mad dog at the air while he continues to drag himself in all directions. Bilbo can’t help but flinch slightly when he hears the hollow chatter of Gollum’s teeth gnashing. “Thorin, shouldn’t we… I don’t know, stand guard?” Thorin leans back in his seat. “Do not fret, Bilbo, we’ll rest until the fight comes to us. We’ve set a guardsman to watch the road.”

On the path leading into the home of the Hobbits, Yoda conserves his energy with light but measured steps. Hoofbeats sound, and no sooner than they do, a gleaming filigreed blade slices low to the ground. With a backflip, Yoda skims the flat of the halberd, landing on his feet at the rear of the horseman. The Tree Sentinel gallops off before turning back to face the little green man, and begins a second charge. Yoda braces, waiting for the last second, and slides through the dirt between the horse’s legs. His lightsaber, held upright, bisects the beast and the horseman is thrown from its back. Yoda finishes him before he can lift a finger. Upon his death, the beautifully engineered sound effect of an “ENEMY FELLED” rings out.

Thorin is the first to hear the sound of his watchdog’s defeat. He rises from his seat, beckoning the others out the door. They peer into the distant sunset at Yoda’s approaching silhouette. “Stay behind, Mr. Baggins, we’ll make quick work of this one.” The two Dwarves make their way down the road to confront their foe. When they arrive, no time is wasted on words. Despite their numbers, Yoda is the more skilled combatant, and he gracefully weaves between axe blows looking for an opening to seize. Sure enough, like a glowing beacon, Thorin’s flank reveals itself to Yoda and he slices neatly between the Dwarf’s ribs. Thorin, mortally wounded but still breathing, continues to fend off further blows as a rattled Dwalin begins to swing more frantically. Yoda find his next opening more easily and lops off Thorin’s head before turning his full attention to Dwalin. A shriek pierces the thick of the battle, not from Yoda’s terrified foe but from the pitiful bug-eyed cretin who has crept up on the remaining two. Gollum tackles Yoda, and with his festering teeth he liberates the Dwarf Ring along with the green finger that wore it. With a howl of pain, Yoda kicks Gollum from his body before tackling him back, driving his saber into the wretch. He pulls his saber back and turns around, only to see the flash of two hand axes as they finally find their target.

TEAM Vs. Dolla 49 McRib

 TEAM is Tom Bombadil, Huorn #1-4, & Conner Weidman.

Dolla 49 McRib is 6 Cave Trolls, 4 Balrogs, Nazghul #3 w/ Fell Beast, & 9 Dead Men of Dunharrow.  

Today we shall conduct a match in honor of the songs of Tolkien that so guided his literary works; but were largely left out of the cinematic versions. 

This bit of poetic prose should be sung to the tune of......  Well, to the tune of whatever you want; just make it whimsical, with feeling.

Hey dol! Merry dol!  Ring a dong a dillo!

Ring a dong! Hop along! fa lal the willow!

Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo!

[Tom answers]:

I'm Tom, Merry Tom Ringing the dong a dillo!

Awakened Tom, Morning Friends, Risen from the pillow!

Tom Bom, I'm Tom, Tom Bombadillo!  

Here to save the Shire Folk from Rock Trolls of the East!

Save the lads from fire foes, dead men, and a fell beast!

The Huorns may be stuck in soil, stationary, with places ner to go!

They defeat the trolls with size and might in a handed bit of ratio!

The Huorns are protectors of the tiny folk of The Shire!

But still succumb sadly to the Balrogs and their fire! 

Hurry may and hurry might, with so little time for singing!

Goldberry has gone on errand and I hear the pub bells ringing!

Awaiting for me is me friend, not too far tis Conner my best crony!

He sits at table waiting for me Tom at The Prancing Pony!

Tis such a rush before me now, late is of the hour!

But descendants of the Old Great Took are needing of my power!

Trouble has befallen them, evil, fierce, and quite a power show!

But Middle earth has protection from Tom Bom Tom Bombadillo!

The Wraith finds his ring is about to shatter and to crack! 

And his poor Fell Beast comes to ground with broken back!

The Dead Men have been relieved from the spell of the king of old!

And returned to their noble traits so let the stories be of them told!

The Balrogs are a frightening lot terrorizing Halflings of the meadows!

But merry, old Tom Bobadil casts them back into the shadows.

Grayson's Goobers Vs. Darkseid's Horsemen of Apoklips

 Grayson's Goobers are Meriadoc Brandybuck, Shadow the Hedgehog (w/ The Chaos Emeralds), & Boba Fett (w/ Dimensional Travel Watch).

Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokilips are The Deadly Viper Assasin Squad (The D-Vas):  Beatrix Kiddo, Bill, Budd, O-Ren Ishii, Vernita Green, & Wlle Driver, Eric Cartman (in The Hulk Buster Ironman Suit), & Autobot Cassette #1.

Week 9 Democracy: The Cowboy Killers Vs. Scar-Jo and Cosby's Trash Pandas

 The Cowboy Killers are Avatar Aang (w/ a Star Sapphire Ring (FINAL DEATH)), Orc #1 (FINAL DEATH), Orc #2, Orc #3 (FINAL DEATH), & Orc #4-5.

The Trash Pandas are Gandalf the White.

Week 8: The Underhills vs The Horsemen

The Underhills are: Magglio Ordoñez, Neo w/ 2 lightsabers, X-24, General Zod, Professor Snape, and Pterodactyls #1-6

The Horsemen are: Supergirl, The Juggernaut, Black Lantern Darkseid, Grand Admiral Thrawn w/Green Lantern Ring, King Leonidas

Overcast at night in downtown Detroit and the lights shine on the Comerica Park field. A soft rumble of thunder can be heard in the distance but any storm seems to be moving away. Six shadows passed over the stadium as pterodactyls shrieked through the air, circling their roost atop the light towers. On the field Magglio Ordoñez is wondering why his Tigers uniform doesn’t fit as well as it once did. He taps his bat against his cleats and starts tossing a baseball up to himself for a little BP before the match starts, trying to recreate the home run from the ‘06 ALCS. Beside him in the on deck circle, Neo twirls two crimson lightsabers, their hum slicing the silence. X-24 slashes at the infield grass while General Zod is levitating just above the pitcher's mound, surveying the field. Chilling in the dugout, Snape starts whispering incantations, preparing his first volley of dark magic.

The air shifts and a boom echoes through the stadium, The Horsemen arrive.

Coming quickly from above, Supergirl landed hard on the Pepsi Porch, cracking the concrete beneath her boots. Her eyes glowed red, scanning the opposition. The wall in left field explodes as The Juggernaut blows through the bullpen wall on a Phil Coke sprint. Black Lantern Darkseid descended from the clouds, death itself in his wake, his anti-life aura blackening the ivy covering the Chevrolet Fountain. Grand Admiral Thrawn, elegant and cold, hovered above the bleachers, his Green Lantern ring pulsing with calculated energy constructs. At second base, King Leonidas stood alone with spear in hand, shirtless and defiant, a relic of war unafraid of gods or monsters.

Zod wasted no time. With a guttural scream, he launched toward Supergirl, fists colliding midair in a shockwave that shattered every window in a five-block radius. Neo ran forward, lightsabers whirling, meeting Leonidas in a clash of ancient combat and digital grace. X-24 leapt like a beast at Juggernaut, who barreled forward, unfazed. Their collision left the infield looking worse than BiCi Field 1.

From the stands, Snape raised his wand.

"Sectumsempra!"

A slash of invisible force sliced toward Thrawn. The Grand Admiral countered with a glowing emerald shield and returned fire, manifesting a pair of green, spectral TIE Fighters that strafed the field. Magglio takes aim at the TIE fighters and hits a perfect line drive straight through one of them, exploding it mid-air. The explosion causes the other to crash into the fountain, flooding the outfield and sending the brand new 2025 Chevrolet Corvette and Silverado EV tumbling to the ground. Both cars are available now at any one of your 38 Metro Detroit area Chevy dealers, starting at around $70k

The pterodactyls screamed and dove in formation, claws aiming for Leonidas and Thrawn. One snatched the Spartan off his feet; he drove his spear upward, impaling the beast midair and crashing to the ground in a tangle of blood and wings.

Supergirl overpowered Zod momentarily, slamming him through the upper deck and into the concourse. But Zod returned, bloodied but smiling, charging her into the Comerica carousel. The two Kryptonians exchanged blows like gods in a hurricane.

Meanwhile, Neo and Leonidas dueled across the base paths. The lightsabers hissed against the bronze shield sending sparks flying with each strike. Leonidas fought with strength and honor, but ultimately, Neo was able to best the Spartan.

X-24, despite his ferocity, was thrown across the outfield by Juggernaut’s unstoppable momentum and was impaled on the statue of Ty Cobb. But as Juggernaut turned to help Darkseid, a swarm of pterodactyls descended, clawing and dragging him into the lower tunnels of the park. Screams echoed. Then silence.

Darkseid advanced. His eyes flared with omega beams. Snape shouted “Protego Maxima!” just in time to deflect them, though the shield cracked and buckled. Thrawn’s ring transformed into a barrage of alien weapons. Magglio ducked and ran for cover.

Snape, bleeding and drained, cast one last desperate spell—“Fiendfyre.” A dragon of living flame roared into the sky, engulfing Thrawn's constructs. Thrawn, anticipating this, sealed himself in a green sphere, but couldn’t counterattack in time. The flames consumed the bleachers, and both Thrawn and Snape vanished in fire and smoke.

Neo, now beside Zod, faced off against Supergirl and Darkseid. He nodded once to Zod.

Zod flew at Supergirl again, buying Neo time.

Neo rushed toward Darkseid, blades igniting at the last second.

The field exploded in light and a blast of energy tore through the stadium.

When the dust settled, only one man stood.

Magglio Ordoñez surveys the carnage. X-24 disemboweled on the Georgia Peach, Juggernaut lost in the depths and buried under rubble, Leonidas slain at second base, Thrawn incinerated, Neo unmoving beside Darkseid's crumpled form. Zod and Supergirl had vanished into the clouds, still fighting for all of eternity..

Above, a single pterodactyl circled silently.

Magglio raised his bat one last time, picked up a baseball, and hit the perfect home run into the 8th row of the left field grandstands. He smiles, raises his fist, and starts rounding the bases in victory.

Week 8 Consortium: Grayson's Goobers vs Dolla 49 McRib

Grayson's Goobers are: Red Hulk, (Legends) Luke Skywalker (w/ a blue lantern ring), The Fantastic Four: Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Girl, Human Torch, and The Thing, and Venom

Dolla 49 McRib is: Count Dooku, Arcee, High Evolutionary, The Technibots: Scattershot, Strafe, Lightspeed, Afterburner, and Nosecone, Xavier Harkonnen, Harkonnen Soldier #2

FFL 2025 Week 8: Trash Pandas vs. The Sigmas

Cosby and Scar Jo’s Trash Pandas: Thor, Gandalf the White, Batgirl (Cassandra Cain), Naruto, Radagon, Peregrin Took and Pete Rose w/ a baseball bat

The Sigmas: Bane, Blake Corum, Tarnish, Dwealin, Duncan Idaho, Maverick, Goose, Iceman, Slider, John Rambo, Shadow the Hedgehog, Grand Slam and Femen #1-6

What an FFL match we have here today folks!! As we have a fierce interdivision match up today between the Trash Pandas and The Sigmas. These teams have made it quite known that they don’t like each other, so look out for that today folks. 

Today’s ball game takes place at the home of the Gritty, American League leading Detroit Tigers!! 

Comerica Park!!

Rod Allen joins me in the booth today.

The Trash Panda's are lined up on the third base line while The Sigmas are lined up on the first base line as the announcer calls for the removal of everyone’s caps as the singing of the National Anthem is to take place.

Jack White plays a solo guitar rendition of the anthem while a trio of F-22s do a flyover of the stadium on this sunny, brisk April Sunday afternoon.

The Sigmas will bat first while the Trash Pandas take the field as they are the home team today.

The Trash Pandas defensive lineup today goes as follows. Gandalf on the mound, Naruto in Left Center, Thor in Right Center, Radagon at First, Batgirl at Second, Pete Rose at Third/Short, & Peregrin at Catcher.

Shadow the Hedgehog leads off from the right hand batters box for The Sigmas, as Gandalf throws a sweeper that catches the outside corner of the plate. Rod, that sweeper is looking good today for Gandalf there. Rod says “Yeah Kyle, Gandalf’s been gifted a plus sweeper by the hand of Era Iluvatar.”

Second pitch comes to the plate and Shadow hits a hard one hopper directly to Pete Rose. Rose makes a quick throw across the diamond as Shadow was flying down the line. Oh what a play there Rod, Rose caught the one hopper right off the bounce and made an excellent throw there. Rod says “Yeah Kyle, Gandalf’s sinker caused that ground ball there. If Gandalf’s got that pitch working today, it’s gonna be a quick game today for the Trash Pandas.”

Maverick walks up to the plate and sets his stance in the right hand batters box. He sets his feet with a narrow and open stance. Gandalf starts his windup and hits a pitch high and inside on the fighter pilot, knocking Maverick to his butt as he dodges the pitch. Maverick is stunned as he almost gets hit there and starts bad mouthing Gandalf from the mound. The Sigmas dugout is now yelling to the ump, telling him to do something about this. The ump points at the Sigmas dugout and Gandalf, giving them both a warning. As the great Vin Scully once said, “Comerica Park has gone from a ball field to a school yard where the ump looks like a teacher that sees trouble.”

Maverick gets back in the box and recollects himself, as Gandalf starts the windup. 

BOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!

Folks, I don’t know what’s happened but, the infield and the dugouts have collapsed into the earth like some sort of sinkhole.

The Trash Pandas have lost Peregrin Took, Naruto, Radagon and Pete Rose.

While The Sigmas have lost Blake Corum, Tarnish, Dwalin, Maverick, Goose, IceMan, Slider, and their Fremen.

All of a sudden Bane and Grand Slam have been dropped off into centerfield from a helicopter as Gandlaf exclaims “you did this didn’t you?! You rigged the field with explosives?!”

“Yes” Bane states, “It was the only way I thought The Sigmas could win this lopsided match up, The Sigmas may have lost some of their own, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make”

Thor has lost patience with this conversation and calls for a thunderbolt to his hammer. He charges his hammer and shoots a bolt of lightning to Shadow and John Rambo. Immediately killing them.

Bane attacks Batrgirl, at first her nimbleness allows her to dodge some attacks from the strong masked man. But eventually he gets a hold of her and breaks her back over his knee like he did to her mentor. Then he grabs her neck and snaps it with ease.

Grand Slam shoots a rocket at Gandalf but he uses his power as the wielder of the flame of Anor to to create a force field around himself. Gandalf then calls for Thor to help. Thor calls for more lightning to his hammer and then shoots it at the transformer, Gandalf joins him by calling for a lightning strike to hit Grand Slam. The combination of both strikes melted every MOSFET and Capacitor in the transformer. Rendering him defeated.

Now all that stands is Bane and Duncan Idaho against Gandalf the White and Thor.

I wish I could say this was a close match but it was not.

Gandalf fought Duncan Idaho while Thor fought Bane.

Bane charged Thor and attacked with a couple furious combos but Thor was able to block and dodge all with ease. Thor then picked up Bane and used his hammer to fly a mile high up in the air. Thor then dropped Bane and let him fall to his death.

Duncan’s skill with a blade was impressive to Gandalf but eventually, Gandalf’s combo of blade and magic was too much for the warrior from House Atreides.

Gandalf and Thor walk out the park and head to Tin Roof for some nice ales to cap the night off.

The Sigmaz Vs. The Cowboy Killers

 The Sigmaz are The Dinobots:  Grimlock, Slag, Sludge, Snarl, & Swoop, God Emperor 40K, Death, & Ronald McDonald w/ Grimace, The Hamburglar, Officer Big Mac, Mayor McCheese, Birdie the Early Bird, Captain Crook, The Professor, & Fry Kid #1-3.  

The Cowboy Killers are General Kenobi, Homelander, Dunadan Ranger Kyle Houslander (w/ The Omnitrix), Hope Summers, Magneto (w/ a red lantern ring), Big Benito (w/ a wizard staff), & Degen #1-2.

It's a gorgeous Spring Day here at Comerica Park.  Luckily us broadcasters get free concessions because I didn't bring $900 with me and I am on my seventh hot dog, third Italian Sausage, and fifth Miller Light, not to mention the peanuts, cracker jacks, and those purple cone things with the sweet something or others in them that I have never actually gotten at any sporting event or concert before because overpriced is okay with me when it involves meat or booze; but other than that I'm just not 'bout it.  I'm smoking a big fat cigar too, because where I reside in the world of fantasy that is Fantasy Fantasy the world is still free and you can smoke in an outdoor venue without some Karen crying about it, ending up in me getting arrested because I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA.  

I'm trying to enjoy the game, but it is really difficult with The Dino-Bots outside the stadium blocking out the Detroit Skyline and destroying the upper deck.  Shouts of:  "Me no Baseball Player, Me Grimlock, Me King", are heard by thousands of frightened fans who are literally peeing and pooping themselves all over the insanely expensive seats that The Illitches have plagued the hard-working people of Detroit with after a semi-successful season last year.  The two Degens sent by The Cowboy Killers are the first two casualties of Grimlock and the boys.  Which is unfortunate because they had just grabbed themselves a fresh Watermelon White Claw and lit a couple of Red Newports.  "Saturday is for the boys" yells Slag; but Snarl argues back saying:  "No.  Saturday for Dino-bots".  The Dino-Bots are the single most powerful and coolest characters in this match; but I think this may be an example of how we really need to get down on The Commish about explaining the settings better at the draft while nobody is paying attention because they are all listening to Kyle and Alex argue about sportsball.  Because the Dino-bots are making a big bad mess of The Copa; but they aren't really able to get inside the ballpark where the rest of the combatants are located.  Luckily I, as a Watcher do not have to figure out a way to officially get them into this match because The Cowboy Killers played Magneto, the ultimate Transformer ratio.  Magneto strains and concentrates with all his might to use his mastery of magnetism to take control of all five Dino-bots' bodies and crush them all together, dropping an enormous, single clump of Cybertronian metal on Woodward Avenue.  Magneto collapses into his bleacher seat from exhaustion; but nobody around him really takes note because they just think it is an old, drunk gay guy that looks like Ian McKellan.

Death and Hope Summers meet up and realize that Death and Hope are actually the same thing.  There is some darkness for you Young Bloods reading this to soak up with your Gen Z Angst.  They join each ohter in the bleak, vastness of despair that is life.  

The Emperor of Mankind and Homelander meet up with each other right at second base, now completely disrupting the game causing the Umps to call the day.  They rush towards each other and start trading blows.  And I don't mean punches, I mean the really icky kind of blows because they are both Turbo Ghey.  As their "fight" reaches its climax (I know you saw what I did there) they both crumble into a pile of unironic quotidian character arc as if they were in the presence of a true Kryptonian White Castle fart.

But alas, this was all part of The Master plan laid out in The Sigmaz locker room by Malcom X himself.  He had inside intel that The Cowboy Killer front office was not going to play Superman or Martian Manhunter again; so Malcom decided to bench his top people as well and play nothing but a roster of Crackah A** Crackahs.  Led of course by his faithful servant Rondald McDonald wearing white face to mock the weaker race that Neva wuz Kangz.  Ron and his elite McDonald's Crew search the stands for the remaining Cowboy Killers looking to destroy them to the last man.  General Kenobi, Kyle Houslander, and Big Benito have legit forgotten that there is a match going on as they are just hanging in The Exclusive Tiger Den getting high key Crunk and ripping death sticks and Dunhills despite Marlboro Reds being the official dart of The Cowboy Killers that all team members are issued before each match.  General Kenobi feels a disturbance in The Force burning through his Miller Lite Haze and gains the attention of Kyle and Big Benito.  "Listen up you two", says Kenobi.  He continues:  "I know the two of you have had your differences; but I need you to work together.  I know you can't box against Big Benito Kyle; but can you box with him"??  Benito stands up and grabs his wizard staff in the most regal manner nodding to Kyle and Kenobi both.  Kyle looks his fellow killer of cowboys in the eyes and says:  "You shall, have my sword, and uh.....  My Omnitrix, AND MY last three Dunhills".  They cash out and leave the Tiger Den and due to some lazy writing by me walk out the double glass doors right as The Ronald McDonald Crew are walking past the concession stand nextdoor.  "Oh......  DAYUM, I see what up.  Whiteys on The Cowboy Killahs is too good to drink with the rest of us.  They gots to go in the Tiger Den to get they crunk on".  Says Ronald McDonald obnoxiously for everyone in earshot to hear.  The clown Prince of Cholesterol adds to his rant:  "I see y'all Crackas is stepping down them stairs from The Tiger Den thinking Y'all better than The Sigmaz.  You think cuz you got the High Groud that you better than the Sigmaz??  We real Sigmaz Sigma".  "Don't try it Ron".  says Kenobi with White privilege oozing from his aura.  But Ronald flings some Pedo-80s-comercial-magic at the General from the low ground and ends up sliced in half......  The rest of The McDonald's Crew are shocked and jump into action after witnessing the death of their fearless leader.  "We allz real Sigmaz, Sigmas".  Mayor McCheese yells as a battle cry as the crew moves in unison against The Cowboy Killer Trio.  "YOU SHALL NOT PASS" Yells Big Benito as he stabs his staff into the concrete spraying Birdie and Officer Big Mac with deadly classic cupped pepperonis.  Kyle sheaths his Ranger Sword and grabs his Omnitrix as he is surrounded by The three fry kids.  Fry Kid #2, knowing it is his final FFL appearance fry kids even harder than the other two fry kids; but still ends up a fried kid when Kyle uses the omnitrix to do whatever it is that I don't remember it does; because it has been like ten years since I have seen that show and I don't feel like looking it up when the match is this close to being done.  Kenobi has stabbed his lightsaber into the gut of Grimace; but it is taking a super long time for it to melt the walking taste bud as he twists the saber to melt him just like Qui Gon did to the blast door at the beginning of The Phantom Menace.  Hamburglar sneaks up behind Kyle with a knife, but Big Benito jumps in the way of the blade to protect him.  Big Benito knocks Hamburglar's block off with his staff; but catches the blade intended for Kyle in the chest to join the burger thief in death.  Kyle runs to Benito grabbing him in his arms saying:  "Benito.....  This isn't fair.  You create such good quality food, how could you die at the hands of The Crack Danks Crew"??  "Behind you" Benito says to his frenemy Kyle with his dying breath.  Kyle listens and pulls his Ranger Sword, Spinning around to take off the head of Captain Crook.  Kyle and Kenobi regroup and fight back to back with perfect Form 3 stature, lightsaber and broad sword in hand as they work together to finish off Mayor McCheese and The Professor.  

TEAM Vs. The Doctor's Madhouse

 TEAM is Zachary Houslander (w/ an aluminum baseball bat), ARC Trooper Zachary Houslander, Thanos, Maw, The Legion of Superheros:  Mon El, Triplicate Girl, Phantom Girl, Invisible Kid, Star Boy, & Lightning Lad, Achilles, & Kefka.

The Doctor's Madhouse is Miguel Cabrera (w/ a cyrsknife), Justin Verlander (w/ a blaster), Max Scherzer (w/ a blaster), Tarik Skubal (w/ a Maula Pistol), Kerry Carpenter (w/ a crysknife), Chris Artrip: Fremen Warrior, Kurt Houslander (w/ a Power Glove), Frank "Wendeezys" Metvier (w/ endless zyn & a Variety pack of 4 Lokos), Ursa, Invincible (Mark Grayson), Atom Eve, Dupli-Kate, Robot, Rex Splode, Allen the Alien on a Trike, Blue Toad, & Yellow Toad.

Week 8 Democracy In The Copa: The Washington Redskins Vs. David Byrne's Meat Suits

 The Washingtion Redskins are Yoda (w/ Dwarf Ring #4), Black Lantern Wolverine, Sinestro (W/ The White Lantern Ring), & Powergirl.

David Byrne's Meat Suits are Moon Knight, Trap Jaw, Emma Frost, Madeline Pryor, Brainiac 5, Prowl, Airmen #11-20, William "Refrigerator" Perry, & Charlie from The Music Shop (w/ a pump 12 gauge shotgun). 

Week 7: Pandas vs Meat Suits

Black and White Painted Dogs: Cyclops, Jean Grey, Iceman, Archangel, Beast, Aquaman, Avatar Roku, Amon, Ming-Hua, Apollo, Artemis, Wartortle, Zombie Seaworm, Mathew Perry, Captain Jimmy Wilder in a F-18

David Byrne’s Heralds: Avatar Korra, Unalaq, Desna, Eska, Jar Jar Marines (10), Boss Nass, Kosa-Yin Hadu, Captain Tarples, Gungan Soldiers #1-10, Piplup, One Punch Man, Seaworm #7, Seaworm #1A (final death), Vampire Seaworm, Black Lantern Seaworm, Slippy Toad, Scarlet Witch, Quicksilver, Yellowjacket Hank Pym, Norman Rockwell w/ Blue Lightsaber, Lewis, Clark, Sacagawea, Homer Simpson, Marge, Lisa, Bart w/ Dark Brandon’s AR-14, Maggie, Santa’s Little Helper, Jar Jar Binks

Yes… yes… the humble vacation abode for the Houslander name venturing back a millennia. Fortunately for the Houslander members who keep their water interactions secluded to Traverse Bay, this ferocious battle will venture into the mysterious depths of the WORLD FAMOUS BUCKE-…. I mean… LAKE MICHIGAN (just a friendly reminder that Gus Johnson’s dumbass is an Ohio State Fan). And as always for settings like this, those who are not necessarily “made for water” will be given complimentary breathing apparatuses (as both teams made this decision). In this instance, the breathing apparatus is strikingly similar to the “Bubble-Head Charm” from Harry Potter used by the likes of Cedric Diggory (prayers up RIP) and Fleur Delacour during the second task of the Triwizard Tournament. Although, the durability of said air bubble cannot be guaranteed…One last measure of housekeeping involves the Captain of the Black Knights Squadron, Jimmy Wilder, whose appearance in an F-18 is impractical underwater and you might as well refer to this guy as “Goose” because he’s dead before he even hit the water.

—

With all of that settled, let’s dive deep into this top secret underwater city-scape. Now there is no tangible proof of the existence of this atlantis-like city that rests at the bottom of this beautiful lake, but my watchful eyes will have to suffice for proof of reality.

The heralds of the great David Byrne have assumed control of the city center as this team consists of many Gungans, Northern Water Tribe folk, and various water versions of Dune’s Shai-Hulud, all of whom are very comfortable in this setting. In the seaweed (yuck) outskirts of the city rests the opposing dawgs painted black and white to resemble pandas? I don’t know about you folks, but it just seems to me like a poor replication of blackface… you do you I guess. Regardless, Scar Jo’s peeps start their silent maneuver through the city’s outer rim to try and reach King Jar Jar Binks. They first encounter the Simpson family eating burgers at the Krusty Burger (don’t ask why the mysterious underwater city has a Simpsons staple restaurant, just accept this franchise’s wide audience reach) who are taken out quickly by Ming-Hua’s elite water bending abilities. While they may have thought they were efficient and silent, it is unknown to them that Quicksilver was running around as surveillance and caught the act and silently notified King Jar Jar.

As Cosby’s group continues on, it is them who are surprised and are attacked by all the Gungan soldiers. Captain Tarples is able to end Artemis with a precise spear throw, but the rest of the Gungans quickly fall to the work of Jean Grey’s abilities. King Jar Jar was still upset with how he was banished some time ago by the Gungans, this is why he sent them first on this sui-slide mission.

After the “pandas” have made it the majority of the way to the city center, they find a large open area they need to pass to reach the front door of the city center’s castle which is circled above by the many seaworms. The team makes a break for it, but are only halfway when Heralds of David Byrne begin popping up out of nowhere. In reality, it is Quicksilver who is transporting the heralds to surround the trapped “pandas”. While successful, Quicksilver uses far too much energy and has run out of oxygen in his air bubble. Now it is an all out brawl with both teams giving it everything they’ve got. Jean Grey on Scarlet Witch, Piplup on Wartortle, Avatar Roku on Avatar Korra, and so much more. The murky depths are shaken and the muddy waters are making it impossible to see who’s winning what. After many screams, cries for help, and cheers of success, the water finally begins to clear, showing the remaining alive and those who’ve fallen.

One Punch Man stands alone protecting the castle doors hiding away King Jar Jar and the final line of defense seaworms. Opposing the lone man, Aquaman leads a heartbroken Cyclops holding the lifeless body of Jean Grey, the cool guy Iceman, Beast, and their own zombified seaworm. The bald headed superhero appears familiar to the X-men group, but the speed and power he moves at when punching Beast into oblivion sends shutters down their spines. Cyclops finally makes an appearance in battle by shooting a laser beam at the caped foe, but narrowly misses. However, he did not realize the beam would destroy his own air bubble and began to drown. Iceman begins frantically trying to ice One Punch Man and is successful, but not until after their lone seaworm is mutilated. With One Punch Man immobilized, Cyclops sends one last beam through his skull before finally drowning. 

Aquaman and Iceman need to fend off 4 seaworms to be able to finally face King Jar Jar. Seaworm #1A moves straight for the Omega level mutant, Iceman, and is completely unbothered by his attempt to freeze the mighty great maker and Iceman is swallowed whole. With the king of the seas facing four large creatures, he remembers his hydrokinesis abilities and simply uses them to force the great creatures to eat each other.

Finally, one last person is left before Aquaman. He bursts into the great hall of this underwater castle only to find that King Jar Jar’s random clumsiness and luck has run out as Jar Jar appears to have slipped and hit his head causing his own death. So much for the supposed Darth Jar Jar rumors…

—

In a bonus side story, a retelling of Mathew Perry’s fate unfolded. He yet again got really high on various drugs, and again decided to take a face down snooze in a bathtub (not very effective when you’re already completely underwater). Fortunately for this time around, the beloved Friends character was granted his air bubble like everyone else at the start of the match. It allowed him to live!! Yay!! I can’t belie– wait, what are you doing?? Oh ma lawd he just popped his own bubble to drown himself…