Consolation Match-Round 1: The Outsiders Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies

“Welcome everybody to another glorious day here at the beautiful Comerica Park. Mario Impemba here and as always with me is my partner Rod Allen. It’s looking to be a busy field out there today Rod.”
“It sure is Mario, these two teams have some how managed to combine for a total of eleven players out on the field today. Eight of which is starting for 'Brock Sampson’s Murderflies' or as I like to call them, ‘Brock Sampson’s Murdered Flies’.
“That’s right Rod, Brock Sampson did have a pretty rough first year in this league. It will be very interesting to see how they show up today for this first ever consolation match.”
“Yes it will Mario. Though with the entire Scooby Gang, Dorf and Terrible Ted, I think they have a great chance against the aptly titled ‘Outsiders’. These ‘Outsiders’ had a rough year as well, but unlike the ‘Murderflies’, these ‘Outsiders’ were dealt the unfortunate hand of being in the same division as ‘The Horseman of Apokolips’ and the lamely titled ‘Team’. We can only wonder how much different things would have turned out for the ‘Outsiders’ if they had been in the same weak division as the ‘Murderflies’.
“Yeah, but it is pointless to make silly conjectures when we have a match about to begin Rod. Starting for the “Outsiders’ today is sometimes third baseman and always powerful Brandon Inge. In the number two spot today is the golden boy, ‘Justin Oblak’.
“The Golden Boy is right Mario. He received that name from head coach Bill Walsh, when he went on a subway run during week three this year. Putting up with hundreds of different personalities is one thing, but feeding them is another.”
“Ha ha, that is right is Rod. Anyways, in the number three spot for the “Outsiders’ is the always skanky ‘Jenna Jameson’. Well it looks like we are now getting underway here at the Copa, as both teams enter from their respected dug outs.”
“It looks like Ted Nugent is wearing a back pack and carrying a piece of luggage behind him.”
“That can only mean one thing Rod, Terrible Ted has brought his arsenal with him. This could be very problematic for the already out numbered ‘Outsiders’. It will be very interesting to see how they are able to deal with it.”
“Yes it will Mario, these ‘Outsiders’ are going to have a very tough match ahead of them.”
(A very loud explosion goes off and the ‘Outsider’s dug out is completely blow to pieces.)
“WOW Rod, it looks like this match is under way.”
“What did Terrible Ted just say Mario?”
“Well Rod, it was hard to hear, but it sounded like he said, “How’d you like my love grenade, Golden Boy”.
“It doesn’t sound like there is any love lost between these two teams Rod. Well, with that both teams begin to take their positions in this already exciting contest.”
“It looks like Scooby-Doo and Scooby-Dumb are rushing Jenna Jameson. This is probably a smart move on ‘Brock’s’ part, as Ms. Jameson has been known to be very distracting to the opposite team. It looks like both dogs have reached their destination but it does not look like there is any fighting going on. Yep, in fact it looks like Jameson is holding a box of Scooby snacks in her hand. The two dogs are going crazy for the snacks and from the looks of it, have completely forgotten about the match altogether.”
“Yeah, it looks like blinding hate is no match for a good Scooby Snack. Oh wait, it looks like Scooby-Doo is hiding something behind his back. It is hard to tell what it is but, oh god, that was just wrong.”
“Yeah Rod, it looks like the whole Scooby Snack attack was just a ploy to get Ms. Jameson’s guard down because from the looks of it, Scooby-Doo has stabbed Ms. Jameson right in the throat. She is now grimacing in pain down on the ground and from the looks of it, she is probably seconds away from death.”
“Well with that very disturbing chain of events, we look down on the action between Brandon Inge and the remainder of the Scooby Gang. Inge has already snapped the neck of Velma and is now eyeing Fred. He walks up to Fred with a look of anger that I have not seen in his face since the day the Tigers signed Miguel Cabrera. Fred kicks the former third baseman in the shin but it doesn’t seem to have stopped him in the least. Brandon now pushes Fred to the ground and gives him a devastating kick to the kidney. He is getting down on the ground with Fred and is cupping his hands together and putting a good amount of sand in them.”
“Oh my god, he is doing what I think he is doing?”
“Yes he is Mario. Brandon Inge has just emptied the sand from his hand into the mouth of Fred and is now holding his hands over his face. This is a very disgraceful way to go for Fred and a very interesting insight into the mind of Brandon Inge.”
“I had no idea how sadistic Inge was. I mean, I had heard stories but I just figured they were just that, stories. It looks like Brandon is now getting up and going for Shaggy. I don’t really think I want to see this. It looks like Inge is now pulling something out of his back pocket; it looks like the shaft of a baseball bat that has been sharpened down to a point. Oh my, he stick’s the stake right into the gut of the long haired hippie.”
“It looks like Brandon cannot get the stake out the gut of the Shaggster, which is keeping them both occupied for the time being.”
“For those of you wondering what is going on with the other players, it is kind of a bizarre situation. Justin and Daphne have been making out for the last ten minutes on the pitchers mound and there does not seem to be any stopping them. Dorf is trying to make his way over to Shaggy but as always, his tiny legs are making it a very long journey for him. Both Scoobs and Dumb are finishing off the box of Scooby snacks with Scooby-Dumb on occasion drinking the blood from the fresh corpse of Jenna Jameson. The only one that is truly mystifying us so far is Ted Nugent, who has been walking around the park for the last fifteen minutes doing something, but at this point it is hard to tell what it is.”
“I have a feeling that Ted is probably, wait, yes it looks like Scooby-Doo has just noticed that Shaggy is in trouble and is making a mad dash at the two of them. Inge has yet to notice the dog racing in for him, which should make for an interesting confrontation. Scooby, with knife in hand looks less than thrilled at Inge, who has already killed two members of his beloved gang. As Scooby approaches, Inge is able to get his stake out of the gut of Shaggy but is taken by surprise as Scooby tackles him. The dog and Inge are now involved in what is looking to be first real fight of this match.”
“It will be interesting to see if Inge, a known dog enthusiast, will be able to kill the ferocious beast.”
“I really don’t believe it will be a problem for the newly crowned Psychopath of the league.”
“I think you are probably right Rod, but it will still be interesting to see. Oh, it looks like Inge has just given Scoobs a punch to the right side of his face and now he gives him a swift kick right in his nether regions.”
“Wow, Mario. It looks like Scooby’s really hurting from that one.”
“Yeah, I bet you he’s wishing he would have let the gang get him fixed now.”
“You got that one right. Well finally there is some new action going on at the pitcher’s mound. It looks like Justin is done with Daphne, who is now lying on the mound shirtless and embarrassed.”
“Well, maybe now she’ll finally get herself into some real action.”
“You mean as opposed to the shame inducing action she has already been involved in?”
“Yes Rod, thanks for spelling it out for the viewers at home.”
“Speaking of the viewers at home, you are all missing one heck of a bought between Brandon Inge and Scooby-Doo, who is starting to look a little winded. In fact, Inge has just picked up Scooby by his throat and is beginning to strangle the tired pup. It looks like this one might be over folks, but wait; Dorf has finally made his way over to the scuffle and is eyeing the knife that fell out of Scooby’s hand. Now it looks like it may just be a foot race between Dorf and Justin Oblak. Dorf who is literally one foot away from the sometimes catcher grabs the knife and with one quick motion cuts the Achilles heel of Brandon Inge.”
“That was probably the most disgusting thing I have seen all day Rod, which at this point is saying something. This act of shear brutality instantly brings Inge the ground, meaning that Scooby-Doo has been left free to breath again.”
“It looks like Scooby is now crawling over to Shaggy who is either dead or unconscious. Scooby now has a renewed rage in his eyes, but before he can do anything Justin comes racing over to him and kicks him right upside the head. He then reaches inside Scoobies mouth and in one violent motion, tears the dogs panting tongue out. He is now shoving the tongue back down Scooby’s throat, in what it looks like is an attempt to stop the dog from breathing. Now Justin moves right over to Dorf, takes the knife from his blood covered hands and stabs him in the gut and then slit’s his throat.”
“O.K., I take it back, that was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen.”
“I have to tend to agree with you Mario, I think I’m am now going to vomit.”
“Well, while Rod is vomiting I will take over. It looks like Justin is now going over to Shaggy to finish off the job. He walks over to the peace-loving hippie and crushes his skull with his right foot. Now all that is left from ‘Brock Sampson’s Murderflies’ is Daphne, Scooby-Dumb and the missing Ted Nugent. Justin grabs the ailing Brandon Inge and starts walking over to the ‘Murderflies’ dugout, since theirs has been blown to bits.”
“Alright I’m back, and so it appears is Ted Nugent as well. It looks like Ted Nugent is holding a microphone and wants to say something to Justin and Brandon. Nugent, who now has Daphne and Scooby-Dumb standing with him looks as crazy as ever.”
Nugent: “Hey Justin and Brandon, I don’t know if you saw me the last time I was here but I basically blew this place out. Now I think for my encore, I’m just going to blow this place up.”
“Oh, I really didn’t see this one coming”.
“I tried to tell you earlier Mario that I thought it looked like Nugent was wiring this place up, but I got distracted. It’s probably a good idea for us to get out of here.”
“Yeah, you are probably right. Well folks, I think Rod and I are out of here so for “The Outsiders” and “Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies”, we will see you next time. Check out FFN after this broadcast.
(Later that night on Fox Fantasy Net day in review).
(The sweet FFN music plays while clips of the days fantasy matches play in the background)
Hi, welcome to Fox Fantasy Net, I’m your host, Trevor Thompson. It was an explosive day at Comerica Park for the “Outsiders’ and ‘Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies’. But first, there is breaking news from the Fantasy Fantasy League headquarters. Here with the report is Ryan Fields.”
“Thanks, Trevor. Today at a small press conference at the Fantasy Fantasy League headquarters in Livonia, Josh Houslander announced that we will get to see a preview of a couple of new teams that will be joining into the league starting next season. The new teams are not a surprise, but their starting date is. Starting this week, Josh Houslander’s “The Brother-Hood of Evil Midgets” will be facing off against Jared Pilkinton’s “Built Ford Tough”. This is a very exciting announcement for all that is involved with Fantasy Fantasy. The starting roster’s of the two teams are still unknown, but a rep from the Pilkinton camp has given us a hint that a “Whip-smart, Fedora wearing hero may be in our future”. Your guess is as good as ours at this point but either way, we are very much looking forward to seeing this exhibition match. This has been Ryan Fields reporting for Fantasy Fantasy Net, back to you Trevor.”
“Thanks Ryan for the very exciting news, now back to Comerica Park. Today’s match between the “Outsiders” and “Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies” could be described as many things, ‘Civil’, not being one of them. Now onto the action. The day literally started out with a bang as Ted Nugent decided he disliked the opposing teams dug out so much, that he needed to blow it up. This set up a day that was filled with loads of blood and very gruesome deaths. Jenna Jameson was the first death, thanks to the knife to the throat by none other than Scooby-Doo. Scoobs and his cousin Scooby-Dumb then spent the next 15 minutes eating the Scooby snacks that Ms. Jameson so kindly brought them. Then the disgruntled former third baseman, Brandon Inge, decided to take his anger out on the Scooby Gang. He snapped the neck of Velma and then in a very calculating and disturbing manner, suffocated Fred to death with a hand-full of sand. He then staked Shaggy in the stomach but before he could finish him off Scooby-Doo tackled him the ground. The ensuing fight should have ended with Inge strangling Scooby-Doo to death but from out of no-where, Dorf cut the Achilles heel of Inge. Then on the other side of the field, Justin Oblak, who had been involved in some very R-Rated acts with Daphne, left her at the pitchers mound and finished off the job that Inge had started. Justin choked Scooby-Doo to death with his own tongue, slit Dorf’s throat with Scooby-Doo’s knife and then stomped Shaggy skull in. Then after that Ted Nugent, who had been mysteriously absent from the match ever since his “Love Grenade” blew up the dug out, announced that he was going to blow up Comerica Park. He stuck by his word, destroying over 70% of the ballpark in an explosion that was heard 50 miles away in every direction. The blow unfortunately took the lives of Brandon Inge, who had been left in the dug out by Justin, Scooby-Dumb and ironically, Mr. Nugent himself. Daphne who has never been a fan of Mr. Nugent’s self-destructive tendencies, fled from the park as soon as she heard him make his announcement. Justin Oblak did the same and unfortunately met up afterwards with his former lover on the street outside of the newly destroyed Comerica Park. The reunion was short lived though, as Daphne, holding the bra that Justin took off of her, ran over to Mr. Oblak and strangled him to death with it. I guess there is nothing more dangerous then a woman scorned, especially one that is wearing a wire bra. Anyways, with Daphne walking away from this blood bath alive, she gives “Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies” the victory this week over “The Outsiders”. Well, thanks for joining us this week and I would like to personally thank everyone that is still with us, we apologize for writing a novel. We promise that the other consolation matches will not be this long. Well for Fantasy Fantasy Net, this has been Trevor Thompson. See you all later.
(The FFN music plays and it cuts to black.)

Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Victorious!