Fantasy Fantasy League

LE’ NAPOLEON BRIGADE VS. THE LEGION OF DOOM

I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 1 Match: Le' Napoleon Brigade vs. The Legion of Doom

Before the match I shall enter Comerica Park, now known as the locker room for Le' Napoleon Brigade. The Brigade is Power Girl, Alia Atreides (adult version) and Pterri.

Pterri: I love to fly! I love to fly!

Power Girl: Fly you shall little one. By my side. . . and to victory!

Before the match I enter Ford Field, now known as the locker room for The Legion of Doom. The Legion is Mary Embry and Walker - Texas Ranger.

Walker: My mind is at peace. My fists are ready to strike. My legs are ready to kick. My body is ready to fight.

Embry: Walker, lower your testosterone level. Actions speak louder than words!

I transport the combatants to the top of Detroit’s railway transit system, the People Mover.

Immediately using his keen lawman skills, Walker analyzes the situation he is in – he is on top of the moving People Mover train. He jumps off of the car’s top and light a cat, lands precisely where he must - on one of the latches between cars. He then catapults through the back window and enters the transport. Alia Atreides sees the Legion’s makeup and immediately realizes that Walker is her target. She lowers herself gracefully down the same car and into the cabin.

Walker: Atreides - I am Walker, Texas Ranger. I don’t normally fight women, but I will if I have to.

Alia Atreides shows no mercy, steps immediately in front of Walker and slaps his face. . . hard. Walker’s shakes his head and looks at his foe.

Walker: I am Walker, Texas Ranger. Do not strike me again or I will be forced to use my fists of steel against you!

Alia Atreides leans back and with all her body behind the action, kicks Walker squarely in the testicles. Walker screams in agony and falls to the floor of the train cabin.

Walker: I. . . am. . . Walker. . . .Texas. . . Ranger. . . [and passes to unconsciousness].

Meanwhile, on top of the People Mover-

The women know that their battle will not be limited to the Mover. Their battlefield will be the entire city’s landscape. Power Girl and Pterri take to the sky. Embry follows suit. The women immediately grapple with one another in an embrace of strength, will and determination.

I look to the crowd below the combatants. Although it is extremely unorthodox, I recognize many of the human male team inhabitants looking on.

Josh H.: Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Ryan P.: Stop just hugging one another and get it on!

Goofjuice: Make out already!

Jared P.: Yeah! Come on girls - lip lock action!

Eddie Z.: This is going to be awesome!

Chris A.: I have my camera phone ready!

Bryan B.: I cannot believe how you are objectifying the combatants. Just because they are women, might I add both beautiful and well endowed, that does not mean that they aren’t people who deserve our respect.

Fred B.: Shut up!!! Just look at those. . .

The men scatter as Power Girl and Embry, still together, crash into the ground. The two lie motionless for only mere seconds from the impact .

As Embry slowly rises, Pterri strikes. The small pterodactyl repeatedly scratches and bites at Embry’s face. Although Pterri leaves some minor facial lacerations on Embry, Embry manages to catch the ancient bird. She whispers “Goodbye” to Pterri and uses her super strength to crush the life out of the saurian. As she drops Pterri to the ground, she turns to see the fist of Power Girl coming at her. The force of the blow sends Embry flying (not by choice) through three of the many boarded and abandoned stores in the vicinity.

People Mover -

In the People Mover, Alia Atreides is waiting for her chance to join her teammate. She is currently two stops away. Alia anxiously waits for the next stop. She suddenly hears movement behind her. It is Walker, with a painful grin, coming at her. Walker manages to use the rest of his male/Ranger stamina to take Alia by surprise. He pushes her out the window and Alia falls to her death just before the Mover comes to its designated stop.

Walker: Looks like you’re one stop short Atreides. . . [Walker, happy with his quip, passes out. He is alive, but out of the competition]. The doors open and a grubby gentleman enters the mover. He looks at Walker’s wallet and finds nothing but his badge. He takes his badge (which Walker will replace before the next match or face a disciplinary hearing by The Legion) and hits the streets.

The match continues-

The women present one another with blow, after blow, after blow. Their fight has now lasted close to one hour and each realizes that the match will continue on for several hours before a winner is determined. Their costumes are tattered and shredded. The two women become a near-blur as they lash out at one another, using only their super strength and speed.

Bryan B.: I see a booby!!!!! [The male onlookers begin to salivate at the opportunity of future voyeuristic views].

Embry becomes distracted at the comment and Power Girl, using this to her advantage, grabs her by the leg. Power Girl smashes Embry repeatedly against the ground and building faces around them. Embry crumples to the pavement, unconscious, yet alive to fight another day.

Power Girl, the only remaining Brigade combatant walks to Lafayette Coney to grab a few of the famous ‘dogs.

LE’ NAPOLEON BRIGADE IS VICTORIOUS!!!!!