Week 1 Consolation Match: The Syracuse Valley vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve

The Syracuse Valley is Bossk

Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is Michael Vick, Brandon Inge, Justin “The Golden Boy” Oblak and Treasure Troll #25.

“Cause I’m a cowbay, badass in black, singing hey, hey, hey, hey. From side to side, from front to back singing hey, hey, hey, hey.”

“Hell yeah Golden Boy, sing that S%*#.” A very drunk and happy Brandon Inge says to Justin Oblak as he is singing in front of the entire bar. When the song end’s Justin walks back to the table where Brandon Inge, Treasure Troll #25 and two girls named Tracy and Reagan are sitting.

“Come on man, drink up. You deserve it after the night you just had.” Brandon says to Justin who has a look on his face like he knows what’s up.

“What happened to you guys? Tracy says to the boys.

“Yeah, why are you all hot and sweaty? A doe eyed and drunk Reagan remarked.

“Well, girls, you just so happen to be sitting with three pretty amazing guys. I mean, I usually only speak for myself when I say this, but tonight you are sitting with greatness.” Brandon Inge says as his female admirers looked on in awe. “You see, we won a battle tonight and if I do say so myself, it was one for the ages.”

Reagan looks right at Brandon with not an ounce of irony in her voice and says, “Wow, what happened?”

“Well, this dude named Bossk walked in and we totally kicked his a##. It was sweet.” An incredibly plain sounding Brandon Inge said to the girls.

Justin looks at Brandon and said, “Really, that’s it? What are you the worst storyteller of all time? Come on man, there was more to it than that. Let me tell it”.

“Fine Jules Verne, weave us a fancy fable”

“Jules Verne, what are you talking about?”

“Whatever dude, just tell the story”

“Alright, so Brandon, Quarter size over here and our main dawg Vick come walking in this place like we own it, you know, because we do. Then all of a sudden this ugly as sin dude comes walking in here like “He own’s the place” and were all like “No way man, this place is ours” and he’s all like “I own this place man”, except that he doesn’t speak English or anything so we don’t actually know what he’s saying so it’s more like “Rub mrrf hrlk brfffffffff.” We hear him spouting off like this and Michael’s like, “We gotta put this dog down like it’s a hot night in July” and Brandy and I are like “Oh hellz yeah, Vickers, this dog is dog meat.” Then this dude pulls out this gun and starts shooting at us like we were doing something, so we immediately go into “No Mercy” mode, which basically means if you’re anyone but us, life’s about to suck really bad. Then the next thing we know, Bossk walks past us and starts shooting these dudes behind us and we’re like “Hey reptile face, how bout you fight someone your own size”. Then Michael attacks the dude from behind by smashing this chair on him. The dude gets up of course and shoots Mike in the grill, because you know, it was a good move. Then Brandon and I are already on top of things and have come up with this bada$$ plan to win. The next thing you know, Brandon and I are taking this dude down and I am holding his gun to his face and I say “Any last words sucker” and of course since he doesn’t talk English I just blow his face off and Brandon and I own the bar again.”

“That’s amazing, you are both so brave” a star struck Tracy says to Justin. Both her and Reagan are in awe of these two powerful men, men that they hope to have a future with later on in the night.

Treasure Troll #25 is sitting back listening to the story and laughing.

“What’s up quarter sized, that story was the s*#%, aight!” Justin says to the Treasure Troll.

“Yeah, something like that. Okay girls, now that Kevin J. Anderson and Brian Herbert are done with their stories, would you like to hear what actually happened?” TT #25 says to the brain dead duo of Tracy and Reagan.

“Yeah, I love stories”

“Wow, it literally feel’s like I’m staring at a dog when I talk to the two of you.” TT #25 says to the girls, who just smile back at him.

“Anyways, so the four of us walk into this bar and Justin and Brandon are of course acting completely obnoxious, which naturally draws every bit of attention in the bar towards us. They of course take this as if the bar is bowing down to their greatness, when in reality they just look like a couple of a$$es. So now were in this bar and everyone is staring at us, Michael is really embarrassed and trying to get ready for the match. Brandon and Justin are up at the bar drinking while Michael and I are sitting in the corner wondering who we are supposed to fight. Then out of the corner of my eye I see this table of Storm Troopers drinking beer. I tell Michael this and he tells me that there is a Star Wars Convention is in town this weekend and they are just regular people. I’m still a little weary so I convince him to take me over there to make sure. Naturally he was correct as we talked to the guys for a couple of minutes about the convention. Then out of the blue, this ugly reptile-looking guy walks in and starts speaking this weird language. The guys at the table wearing the Storm Trooper gear tell us that he speaks perfect Trandoshian, the language of Bossk, the bounty hunter. We quickly realize that this Bossk is our actual enemy and we tell the Storm Troopers to take cover, as this is the actual Bossk, not a dude in a suit like them.

They naturally don’t believe us and start to signal over to him because they wanted to check his costume out. Michael and I then go over to Justin and Brandon to tell them what is going on but before we can even tell them our plan, these two geniuses are screaming at the bounty hunter trying to get his attention. Luckily for them, the Storm Troopers are much more enthusiastic about seeing him and he pulls out his gun and starts shooting at the Storm Troopers because for some reason he thinks they are taunting them. Then Michael looked at me and said, “We better put this guy down like a dog on a hot July night”. So the two of us walk over to the table nearby and Michael grabs a chair. He then smashes it on Bossk’s back, which makes him drop his gun. Michael then proceeds to beat Bossk with the small pieces of wood but before he can do anything about it, Bossk had picked his gun back up and shot Michael directly in the face. I then fell down to the ground with Michael, as he had been holding me this entire time. Then in the frenzy that followed, a group of Jedi’s that were sitting at the other end of the bar came over and rushed the bounty hunter. Then there was this big commotion. I could hear gunfire and Brandon screaming something about dog meat. Bossk was on the ground by this time and three of the four fake Jedi’s were dead on the ground. Fortunately for Brandon and Justin, the fourth fake Jedi had managed to knock him down to the ground. Which, by this time Justin had grabbed the gun out of his hand and said whatever ridiculous thing he said to him before he killed him. So yes, technically Justin killed Bossk, but it was by dumb luck, nothing else.”

“Yeah, whatever Moby Dick” Justin said to Treasure Troll #25.

“Don’t you mean Herman Melville? Moby Dick was a book” TT #25 says back to “The Golden Boy”

“Yeah, whatever Charles Dickens. Hey girls, how bout you come with us and find out why they call us “The Golden Boys”. Justin says to the girls as they get up in excitement.

Treasure Troll #25 looks at Justin and Brandon in utter revulsion and says, “That doesn’t even make sense and sense when are you both the “Golden Boys”. I can’t believe Michael Vick is the most normal one on this team.”

Treasure Troll #25 then climbs his way up to the bar and sits in disgust as Brandon and Justin dance some truly terrible dance moves with the brain trust known as Tracy and Reagan.

Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is Victorious!