Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s Beeyaatches are Belle & Pablo.
The Right Wing is Nick Houslander
It is a cold and blustery February day as both teams reluctantly take to the slushy ditch in front of Michael Sroka’s house.
“ This is f#@*ing bulls@#* Belle, I could be back at the base hanging in the sandbox, but instead I have to be here. I know I’m a penguin and all, but this cold weather can suck my c#%&!” A very animated (get it) Pablo says to Belle.
“ I understand that Pablo, but we still have to at least try to win this match for Lord Vader. He told us that the force would guide us to victory” Belle says, trying to calm the blue penguin down.
“ Oh screw Lord Vader. Plus, that ancient religion of his hasn’t brought us out of the first round of the playoffs yet, so don’t tell me about how the force will guide us to victory.” Pablo finishes his second rant when he sees someone coming towards them. That someone is Nick Houslander, with shotgun in tow. Nick takes a step down into the muck and begins to load his weapon.
Pablo looks over at Belle and says, “ What the f*#$, he gets a weapon? Hey Belle flash him some skin and distract him while I try and gnaw off his legs.”
Belle looks at Pablo with a look of disgust. “ First off, I would never degrade myself by exposing my body to someone for any sort of advantage. Second, it’s like 15 degrees out. We shall figure something else out.”
“ Oh right, you’ll bang a seven foot tall beast but you won’t flash someone to win a match.” Pablo then looks back at Nick and says, “ Hey Nick you gun toting faggot, why don’t you get rid of the gun and fight me like a man?”
Nick then looks back at Pablo, cocks his gun and says, “ Because then I couldn’t do this”. Nick then unloads a shotgun shell directly in the face of Pablo, sending brain matter all over the dress of Belle.
Belle stands there with a look of shock on her face. “ Mr. Houslander, I am appalled by your actions. I am deeply disappointed in your actions. I thought you were a better person then that.”
“ I don’t know why you thought that” Nick says to the beautiful Disney character.
“ Killing a blue penguin is one thing, I still don’t think you have it in you to shoot a lady” Belle says with hope in her voice.
Nick looks back at Belle and says,“ Shoot a woman, I don’t think I could do that. Beat a woman, well that’s something I’ve been waiting my entire life for. Plus, I know I can make it out in this mud pit longer than you.”
“ What makes you so certain about this?”
“ You weren’t there for the winter of 99’, after that this is nothing.” Nick then walks over to Belle and hits her in the gut with a right hook and kicks out her feet from under her. Belle, who is now soaking wet in gross icy muck, tries to get up but Nick stands on her back and holds her head down into the shallow water. Belle kicks and gasps for air but after a couple of minutes she stops fighting. Nick waits another ten minutes or so, just for good measure. He doesn’t want this dumb b*#%$ to pull a fast one on him.
Nick then gets out of the ditch and looks back at what he has done. He at first begins to feel bad about what he has done, but then he remembers, what’s the point of feeling bad about something that made him feel so good. Nick continues walking up to the house with grin on his face, knowing that he ended his team’s season on a high note. Well, not morally speaking, but you know what I mean.
The Right Wing is Victorious!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
3 comments:
What the Whaaaa? Dude you are insane. Good stuff though.
C'mon Nick. You were writing yourself, you could have went anywhere with it. You... Belle...
I'm just saying.
I did go where I wanted to go. Like Josh said, I'm insane.
Post a Comment