EXCLUSIVE EDITION OF 'WATCHED': An interview with President Barack Obama

This is Cotton McKnight here, welcoming everyone to this exclusive edition of ‘Watched’, where tonight I had the pleasure of talking with President Barack Obama, the head coach of ‘Miley Cyrus and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both World’s” Touring Battalion of Commandos. By now the news has broken about the trade that the “Commandos” made with the “Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers” but at the time of this interview, it had not been released. ESPN 8 – The Ocho has insiders all over the league and the news of this was very carefully guarded. Though not exactly pleased with the information leak, the Commandos head coach was very gracious to talk with me over the phone from their team headquarters.

Cotton McKnight: I suppose a congratulations is in order Mr. President.

President Barack Obama: Thanks Cotton, we here at the Commandos are overly joyed by this edition and even I am still a little shocked by the events of the last 48 hours.

CMK: Surprised in what way?

PBO: We were well aware of the problems that Clark had been having with his former team but it never really occurred to me that we would be in the running to acquire someone of his ability.

CMK: Are you telling me that you never even discussed going for KC Superman? Because as far as I’m concerned this is on par with TEAM trading for Thor back in ’09.

PBO: It was naturally discussed between myself and Mr. Houslander but more in a concerned manner in regards to the imminent departure of Optimus Prime. I told him that if we were to lose Optimus, it was really going to put a lot of stress on Clark [Earth 2 Superman] to have to take the brunt of the heavies in every match. I told him, ‘Somebody will do a solid job for us, but there’s only one player out there who you would consider a ‘premium-type’ player, and that’s Kingdom Come Superman. I did not say that with the idea we’d be going after KCS, because, from a trading perspective, I knew it would be very difficult to do.

CMK: But here you are now, sitting pretty with easily the biggest deal your team has ever made.

PBO: Well yes, without a doubt. Back in 2008 we made a deal with the Kennelz to secure the rights to Dr. Doom, which for me at the time was a huge undertaking. After that it never occurred to me that I would ever again be involved in a deal as high profile as that. So to be back once again in this situation, especially in the middle of a season is quite exciting indeed.

CMK: When was the decision ultimately made for you to go for KCS?

PBO: Saturday night I received a call from the GM [Nick Houslander] telling me he had thought about our discussion and wanted me to not only throw our hat in the ring but outright try to acquire the rights to Superman. It took me by surprise but after a couple of days of negotiations with Griffin, we were able to make the deal happen.

CMK: Do you worry about the possible backlash that could be attached to a deal of this magnitude?

PBO: Sure it is possible that this could ruffle a few feathers within the league but honestly, after being a head coach for almost five seasons now, I’ve gotten pretty good at not paying any attention to that.

CMK: Is there a bitter sweet feel about trading such long time Commandos as HAL 9000 and Sidney Poitier?

PBO: Of course, we have always been a very tight knit team and anytime we lose somebody it is difficult. Erasmus and HAL have been friends for a long time so he will be truly missed. It’s funny because Miley and I were discussing this last night and she told me the only person she would be unwilling to part with was Claire [Danes], so when Griffin’s counter-offer came back and Claire was included on it, she was pretty upset. But after a talk with both Miley and Claire last night, they both realized it was in the best interest of the “Commandos” to make the deal. So yeah, it will be tough to lose everybody, except for maybe Laufey.

CMK: HUH?

PBO: Sorry I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s no secret that Heimdall and him did not get along. It was the biggest mistake I made in this years draft, a mistake I was luckily able to fix.

CMK: Well okay then. Anyways, with this addition, what do you think “The Commandos” chances are of winning the Universe Bowl this season?

PBO: Look, this league is much more difficult this year then in previous years. Every team has improved and though Clark [Kingdom Come Superman] gives us the strength we were looking for, it by no means guarantees us anything in the way of victories. We are only half way through this season and though we have had a great start to the year, there is still a long way to go. We are being realistic, albeit hopeful about our chances.

CMK: Thank you for your time and good luck to “The Commandos” for the remainder of the season.

PBO: Thanks Cotton.

So there you have it people, an exclusive with the man himself, President Barack Obama. I personally feel ‘The Commandos' have a much more promising season ahead of them then Mr. Obama talked about but I do understand his trepidation in regards to this season. I thank you for joining me on this exclusive edition of “Watched”, this has been Cotton McKnight and from everyone here at the Ocho, we wish you a good night.