Season 5 Week 6: Better Than All of You vs Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyaatches

Better Than All of You is Symbiote Suit Spider Man w/ Indigo Lantern Ring, Iron Suit Spider Man, Anti Venom, G.I. Joe Mech Unit Team; Duke, Snake Eyes, Scarlett, & Roadblock, Yellow Lanterns #1 & #2, Batman (Dick Grayson) w/ Green Lantern Ring, Robin (Damien) w/ Purple Lightsaber, Bret “Hitman” Hart w/Mithril Vest, Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart, Davey Boy Smith, Dynamite Kid w/Tron Light Suit & Light Disc, Macho Man w/ Mandalorian Armor, Jake Blues w/ Storm Shadow's Katana Blade, Elwood Blues w/ Snake Eyes Katana Blade, Nightwing (Lor-Zod), Flamebird (Thara Ak-Var), Sando Aqua Monster, Black Lantern She Hulk, Morpheus, Smoke, Mr. Mind, Yogurt, Skeletor w/ Gandalf the White's Staff, Rogue, Flash (Wally West), Nick Fury, Eye of Sauron, Granny Goodness, Red Wing, Super Sonic.



Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches are Michael Myers with red lightsaber, Dracula, Vulcan, In Betweener, Master Order, Lord Chaos, Matt Oblak with Mandalorian armor and blue and green lightsabers, Teresa Oblak in a Tron lightsuit with light disc, along with blue and green lightsabers, Gladiator Voltron 1-5, Black Zarak, Victory Leo/Star Saber, Chaos King, Peraxxus and Signalmen 1-4, BL Apocalypse, Predi-Alien with red ring, Oblivion, Deathstorm and Peppy Hare with Maul's double lightsaber in an AT-ST.

The Playoff Planet has drawn the gaze of the Eye of Sauron as his team enters the battlefield. They are led by the sixteen time World Champion, Ric Flair, who is adorned in special armored, yet still crystal-encrusted and feather trimmed, robe. He is flanked by Tully Blanchard and Nick Fury (in the interest of the upcoming movie, we will be going with the Samuel L. Jackson version of Nick Fury here) and closely followed by the Hart Foundation and the British Bulldogs. The rest of Better Than All of You is marching behind them as well as they all look upon what very well may be their destruction. The Backyardigans have opted to unzip their pants and show exactly how big their dick is for this battle. A shadow begins to cover the ranks of BTaoY as Black Zarak begins to stand up and transform into his robot form. The Decepticon is massive and towers over the whole lot. Flair ignites his blue lightsaber and lets out a thunderous “Wooooooo!!”

“That’s our cue, Thara,” Nightwing says to his partner Flamebird as the two Kryptonians take flight and blast over their team. They move at such a high velocity that moments before they tear through Black Zarak chest and out the other end there is a loud sonic boom. They fly back to their ranks and give each other a quick fist bump as the enormous transformer crashes to the ground.

Yet even with this first strike, the Backyardigans do not retaliate. Gladiator Voltron, along with Victory Leo and Star Saber (whom have now formed Victory Saber) hold their ground as BTaoY charge towards them. The G.I. Joe Mech Units quickly swarm Gladiator Voltron as Batman and Robin try to attack the much larger Victory Saber. The Joes work quickly and efficiently as they take down Gladiator Voltron. Batman then uses his Green Lantern ring and blasts Star Saber’s head clean off. They are then ambushed by Peraxxus and his Signalmen. They in turn, find themselves surrounded by Symbiote Spider-Man, Iron Spider-Man, Anti-Venom, Rogue, Black Lantern She-Hulk and Skeletor. Peraxxus quickly dispels Iron Spidey as the Signalmen converge on the others. Robin ignites his lightsaber and races towards Signalman #1, slides underneath him and lops his right leg off at the kneecap. The Son of the Bat then back flips up and drives his purple blade into the skull of his foe. Peraxxus then turns his attention to the G.I. Joe Mech Unit team and annihilates them all in one fell swoop. As Rogue, Symbiote Spider-Man and Skeletor work on taking out the three remaining Signalmen, Batman, Black Lantern She-Hulk and Anti-Venom triple team Peraxxus. As powerful as the world destroyer may be, even he falls to the guts and determination of the trio. With another small victory under BTaoY’s belt they push on, in hopes of wrestling another victory away from certain defeat.

Out in space, Master Order, Lord Chaos, In-Betweener and Chaos King are all patiently waiting. Silent. Motionless. Boring.

But something catches Master Order’s and Lord Chaos’s attention. They send the Chaos King to eliminate the disturbance. He teleport down to the volcanic ruins of the Playoff Planet where he find the Eye of Sauron watching the events of the battle unfold. The Chaos King is well aware of the power that “Lidless Eye” holds and knows that it can not be allowed to interfere. He attacks the eye, and in a massive explosion, which decimates the entire volcanic region, the Chaos King destroys the Eye of Sauron, but at the cost of his own life as well.

The dying sun still peaks out over the horizon as Matt Oblak climbs out the AT-ST. his Mandalorian armor shines as it catches the last of the sunlight. The light reflects and accentuates the scrapes and mars that emblazons the chest plate courtesy of Matt’s years of battle on the now defunct Untouchables.

“You got this, Peppy?” Oblak says as he looks back down into the AT-ST.

“Oh yeah, I have this well under control,” replies the aged grey rabbit.

Matt reaches back into the AT-ST and extends his hand out to lend his wife, Teresa. She grabs hold of his mighty arm and climbs up out of the AT-ST. The vibrant green from her illuminating strips begin to travel up her curves as she prepares for battle herself. The chemist’s helmet begins to digitize over her head moments after giving her loving and devoted husband a sensual kiss. Matt launches into the air, courtesy of his Mandalorian jetpack as Teresa flips off of the AT-ST and races off. Peppy begins to make his way into the battle when the top of the AT-ST is opened up again. Thinking it was one of the Oblaks, Peppy pays no attention to it. However, it actually ended up being the Blues Brothers who must have been on a mission from God. They move quickly with their katana blades that they received when Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow fell. Peppy Hare wasn’t even able to grab Darth Maul’s double bladed lightsaber. Jake opens the hatch back up and tosses Peppy’s carcass out to the ground.

Teresa moves carefully through the city, when she soon finds herself in a handicap match against the British Bulldogs. Davey Boy Smith tries to clothesline the chemist, but she bends back, Matrix-style, and dodges it. She runs up close to a building and uses the wall to kick herself off of it, spins around and flings her light disc. Davey Boy turns around just in time to see it go right into his neck. Dynamite Kid, however has a lightsuit of his own. The illuminating strips are formed into a pattern that resembles the Union Jack. The two of them square off. Dynamite is quickly gaining the upper hand, until Teresa does something quick unexpected. She backs up from Dynamite, reaches up to her neck and begins to slowly unzip her lightsuit. Dynamite Kid is mesmerized by her seduction and doesn’t hear the slow hum of the jetpack flying in behind him. Matt flies in, with both lightsabers drawn and takes Dynamite out.

“What the hell are you doing, Terese?” asks her husband.

“Whatever we need to do to with for the Backyardigans,” she sternly replies. “That’s the team we’re one now. The Backyardigans. Not the Untouchables, not Oblivio, and certainly not the Kennelz. We’re Backyardigans now. Now come here.” Teresa removes Matt’s helmet and grabs a hold of her husband, shoving his mouth into hers so hard it looks like it hurts. Matt is shocked by her new found passion, and in turn fired up himself.

“Alright, now let’s finish “Better Than None” off and go back to the locker room so we can continue this,” she says.

Their AT-ST comes clomping in as Matt signals to what he still believes to be Peppy. Teresa, however, sees that its blasters are turning their aim right at them and knocks Matt out of the way.

“There’s blood smeared down the side of that thing,” Teresa says to Matt. “I don’t think that’s Peppy in there. Plus I don’t think Peppy ever listened to John Lee Hooker.”

The AT-ST fires several shots at them, confirming her suspicions. The Oblaks draw their lightsaber and leap into action. Matt takes off up into the air to draw the attention of the AT-ST as Teresa runs up and uses her lightsabers to slice through its left leg. The AT-ST crashes to the street below as Matt fires a missile from his jetpack, destroying it and the Blues Brothers. The Oblaks seem to be running rough shot through the ranks of BTaoY.

That is until…..

“Wooooooooooooo!!!!!”

The stylin', profilin', limousine riding, jet flying, kiss-stealing, wheelin' n' dealin' son of a gun arrives in the city, followed closely behind with The Hart Foundation, “Macho Man” Randy Savage, and Tully Blanchard. Savage in his own Mandalorian Armor takes to the air and engages Matt as Flair struts towards Teresa.
“My, my, my. Wooooo!” says Flair. “What do we have here?! Let me take a look at you.”

Teresa, completely smitten by Flair’s advances, takes Ric’s hands as he slowly spins her around so that he can properly drink in Teresa in her lightsuit. The green glow from her illuminating strips bounces off the crystals that adorn Flair’s magnificent armored robe.
“Honey, lets you and me go over here, so you can take a ride on Space Mountain,” says “Slick Ric.” Strangely enough, Teresa shows no sign of struggle and willing follows Flair.

This completely distracts Matt and allows Macho Man to level him with a massive jetpack powered flying elbow. Oblak crashes into a parked car, crushing the roof and shattering the windows on impact. Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart grabs him and gives him a wicked suplex. All the while there are various “Wooooo’s” and moans that can be heard from the nearby alley.

Bloodied and battered, Matt tries to pick himself up off of the pavement. “Terese… what are….you… doing…” he tries to call out.

“Don’t worry about her, she’s in the best hands in the game,” quips Tully Blanchard as he kicks Matt in the stomach. He tries to end Matt with a blow from his Sith Lavarouk, but Matt isn’t going to go down without a fight. Something he fears his wife is doing at this very moment. Matt ignites his blue and green lightsaber and blocks the Lavarouk. He then sweeps Tully’s legs out from underneath him as he rolls back up onto his feet. Matt fires his wrist mounted grappling hook to tie up the Anvil’s legs and yanks him down to the ground. Bret Hart, however, dropkicks Matt back to the ground and stomps him. He then grabs a hold of his legs and locks in the Sharpshooter. Matt screams in anguish as the Hitman wrenches back harder. Tully gets back to his feet, wipes a little blood from his mouth and spits on Matt.

“That’s it, you’re finished,” says Blanchard as he drives his Sith Lavarouk down into the back of Matt’s head.
It’s just about at this time, that “the Dirtiest Player in the Game” is walking back out from the alley. Teresa, completely disheveled, her hair completely a mess and her lightsuit barely zipped. As she tries to fix her hair somewhat, she notices a small worm crawling out of her ear. She grabs is and sees that it’s Mr. Mind. He had been controlling her mind so that she wouldn’t refuse Ric’s seductions. Now, filled with anger, she crushes the alien worm in her hand. She then looks up from her hand and sees Flair being congratulated by his boys for a job well done with her. Teresa also sees her husband, lying dead on the ground and is now enraged. She reaches for her light disc, but it’s not there. She goes to grab her lightsabers, but finds that they too are no where to be found.
Flair then turns around and says, “Oh honey, you looking for these? Boys why don’t you go and finish her off… again for me. Woooo.”

Teresa, not one to back down from a fight, welcomes the challenge. The Anvil rushes towards her, but Teresa quickly moves out of the way. She then sees that Ric arrogantly left his own blue lightsaber behind. She snatches it up quickly and decapitates Neidhart.

“Come on, steroid boys! Bring it on!” she yells. Teresa then rushes towards the four remaining wrestlers. She manages to still be able to take out Macho Man, but in the end Ric Flair is able to drive her own lightsaber through her chest.

Meanwhile, in the arctic, there is another small war waging on between these too teams. Red Wing is slammed to the ground by a red energy blast from the vicious Predi-Alien. He manages to get one quick hit in but is then hammered four times and is defeated. (Anyone see what I just did there?) Deathstorm has already turned Smoke into a pile of ash and is currently trying to get a bead on Super Sonic. The two Yellow Lanterns are embroiled in an aerial battle with Vulcan. But it is all for not, as Vulcan quickly and easily dispatches to the two lanterns. He then notices in the icy waters below that BTaoY have a Sando Aqua Monster waiting in the depths. He focuses a great deal of energy and fires it into the water, killing the mighty beast. And with a smirk and a chuckle, Vulcan files away.

Wally West comes racing in to lend a hand to Super Sonic as he is still evading Deathstorm’s attacks. The two speedsters zip around Deathstorm and manage to distract him as Nightwing and Flamebird fly in and take him out. Morpheus is trying to best Dracula, but the lord of the vampires is simply too fast for even one as skilled as Morpheus. Dracula disappears only to rematerialize virtually instantly behind Morpheus and snaps down onto his neck. He drains the very life out of him and drops Morpheus’s carcass into the snow. Anti-Venom, hidden by the snow, leaps out and tackles Dracula. Brock uses his Anti-Venom powers to weaken Dracula and ultimately destroy him, by “curing” him of his vampirism. This, however, has taken a lot out of Anti-Venom and he doesn’t hear or notice Michael Myers coming up behind him. “The Shape” ignites his red lightsaber and cuts Anti-Venom right in half sending him to the graveyard. Black Lantern She-Hulk then nails Michael with a ferocious right cross that sends him slamming into a tree. She flies over and jams her hand into Myer’s chest, only to find that he has no heart, nor a soul. Michael re-ignites his lightsaber and with a quick swipe, the crimson blade cuts Black Lantern She-Hulk’s arm off. He stands back up, with the severed arm still sticking out of his chest, and processed to brutally (and I mean brutally, I actually threw up when I witnessed it) hack Black Lantern She-Hulk apart.

Batman and Robin then enter the fray only to be attacked by both the Predi-Alien and Black Lantern Apocalypse. They do manage to receive some aid from Symbiote Spider-Man and his Indigo Lantern Ring. Spidey taps into both Batman’s Green ring and Predi-Alien’s Red ring and focuses the power at Black Lantern Apocalypse. Though the decaying and former Horsemen is vastly powerful, he is unable to defend against this attack and perishes. Damien is narrowly avoiding Predi-Alien’s rage vomit, but is able to evade him long enough for his two teammates to fly in and destroy him. Robin motions to Batman and Spider-Man to continue on and that he just needs a moment to catch his breath. What Damien did not realize is that breath was going to be his last. He lets out a loud scream as he is lifted into the air by Michel Myers, who has driven a large icicle into Robin’s abdomen. Blood spurts out of his mouth as he continues his wails of agony. Defiant until the end, Damien looks right at Michael and spits blood all over his white emotionless mask. Batman hears Damien’s cries and doubles back, hoping he’s not too late. Which is exactly what he is. Just like his mentor, he now has lost a Robin to the hand of a demented killer. He sees Michael Myers standing over the body of Damien and launches a dozen green energy batarangs at him. They slice and penetrate various parts of Myers’ body, but they do not drop him. Now enraged with vengeance, Dick Grayson, loses control, flies in and tackles him to the snowy ground. Batman begins to wildly throw lefts and rights, ignoring any of his past training and discipline. Michael then grabs a hold of Damien’s purple lightsaber and uses it, coupled with his own to slice Batman’s arms off. He then finishes him off by driving both of them right into his face.

By this time the rest of the ranks of Better Than All Of You have all regrouped to find their ranks dwindled, but not completely defeated. Nick Fury tries to rally his troops but they are quickly attacked by Vulcan, Oblivion and the In-Betweener. Oblivion obliterates Yogurt, Granny Goodness and Bret Hart in an instant. Skeletor tries to conjure some magic, but is vaporized by Vulcan before he can cast any spell. Flamebird and Nightwing rip into the air and attack the In-Betweener with all their might. They work as a unit, trying to take down the cosmically powered being, but he bends reality and eliminates both of them from existence. Vulcan then, in a cruel twist of irony, saps the power from Rogue and kills her. He then absorbs the speed force right out of Wally West, making him easy prey for Oblivion. Super Sonic races in to try and aid his speedster friend, but is met with a similar fate.

“ENOUGH!!” a voice from the heavens bellows. “I have seen enough. You have all battled well, but there is no chance for victory for you. We shall spare your lives.”

The voice comes from Master Order. He, along with Lord Chaos use their vast powers to remove the remaining members from Better Than All of You from the Playoff Planet and ends this confrontation.