Consolation Match: Round Two: Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs TEAM

Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Michael Vick w/M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher, Dexter the Dog, Toto the Dog, Dexter the Dog, Phil Day w/Sith Lavarouk and Treasure Troll #25.

TEAM is Tomoe Gozen

Phil Day: Hey mate, you must feel at home here.

Phil begins laughing to himself as he is talking to the Eagles quarterback.

Vick: You too you Aussie F#$%! Dis where my dogz at!

As he says this both Dexter and Toto come up on each side of him.

Phil Day: I thought you were put in here because you killed dogs.

Vick: See that's some bullshit that got out of hand in the media. The media was painting me as some dog killa when its was the other ways around.

Phil Day looks perplexed at this statement as he is not quite sure what he is talking about.

Phil Day: So let me get this straight, were the dogs keeping you in cages and making you fight other American Football players?

Vick: No man, that aint it. You f#$^ing ignorant or something?

Phil Day: You said the media was painting you as a dog killer and in fact it was quite the opposite. That would mean that instead of you keeping dogs in cages and forcing them to fight to the death against each other that the dogs themselves were keeping you and other people in cages and forcing you guys to fight each other.

Vick: Hell no man, that aint it at all. Where'd you learn how to read anyways?

Phil Day: Read?

Vick: Look man, this is how it was. We was keeping the dogs in cages to protect them. It dangerous out there, lots of people trying to kill em.

Phil Day: There are people out there just trying to kill dogs?

Vick: Man shut the f#$# up and let me tell my tale.

Phil looks on in pure wonder and finally just gives the man the floor.

Vick: Look, we was protecting the dogs from danger and then one night some of them got out and ran into the electric fence we had around the place. They was trying to get food because they was hungry and shit. Two of them got hurt real bad and then the other dogs started to fight each other because they was confused and shit. Then some of my boys accidently dropped some money on the ground and I tolds them that they had to pay up for busting my errfly possessions. Then they took the electric dogs and dunked them in some water to cool them off because they be smokin like cray.

Phil Day just stares on in amazement at the story.

Vick: Then we called the fire department because of the smokin dogs and we didn't want that shit to get out of hand but instead they sent the cops and then they was racist and shut all that shit down and then they sent us all to jail.

Phil takes a second before he chooses what he is going to say as he isn't even quite sure what he has just heard.

Phil Day: So let me get this straight, you were keeping these dogs safe from all of these people who were for some reason trying to kill them. Then one night the dogs somehow escaped from their safe haven and ran into an electric fence that just so happened to be surrounding them.

Vick: Yeah man...

Phil Day: Hold on mate, I'm not finished yet. Then after two of the dogs ran into the fence and you stopped them from fighting each other a couple of your friends dunked them in water and helped "cool them down" because they were smoking, which I am assuming that is because they were obviously dead at this point. Then they for some reason dropped money on the floor, which for the record I honestly can't make heads or tails of at this point and then you called the fire department so that the dogs who were smoking wouldn't set the other dogs on fire, despite the fact that you had already dunked them in water, therefore taking away the danger that their smoky fur some how put everyone else in.

Vick: Exactly man. I told the cops the same thing and they just called the newspapers and put me in jail.

Phil Day: Wait a second, did you say the cops called the newspaper and that "they" put you in jail?

Vick: Hell yeah man, I wish you was a cop, I wouldn't have ever had to leave the Falcons and shit.

Phil Day: Wait, the Falcons? You had birds in there as well?

Vick: No man, that was my team.

Phil Day: Your team?

Vick: My football team man. Damn Australians don't know shit man.

Phil Day: (Laughing quite hard now) Oh okay, I was picturing you having the dogs fight the falcons.

Vick: Oh shit man, that aint even a fair fight. Them birds would win that shit.

Phil Day: So you've seen this?

Vick: Hell yeah man, that shit was everywhere when I was a kid. It's all about the velocity man. The velocity always wins.

Phil knows for a fact that this statement makes literally no sense but decides not to push it.

Phil Day: All right mate, good to know. Just one more question though. Why did you name your place the Bad News Kennelz?

Vick looks at Phil like he is the stupidest man on the planet.

Vick: Bad News Bears Mother F#$#er!

Phil Day: Wait, there was Bears?

Vick: F#@$ man, know your shit! Bad News Bears man, Walter Matthau and shit. It's what we would say to all them people who was trying to kill our dogs.

Phil just gives a look of bewilderment.

Vick: Bad News to dem Mother F#@$ers if they tried to F@#$ with us!

Phil: Ah, got ya.

After Phil and Michael finished their very long conversation they looked around at their surroundings and realized they were standing right in the middle of the mess hall of the asylum. They also realized that without them even noticing it, they were the only ones in the room.

Vick: Hey, where's my boys?

Phil: Boys?

Vick: The dogs man, come on.

Phil: Sorry, I never really quite understand what you are saying.

Vick: We need to find them, who are we fighting anyways?

Phil: Beats me, I don't have a clue.

Vick: Why is I not surprised.

Phil: Your grammar is quite terrible you know that don't you?

Vick just shoots him a dirty look and starts to walk towards the door leading into one of the hallways. As the two Kennelz members reach the hallway they see the dead body of Treasure Troll #25 lying on the floor with its neck snapped. They examine this for only a second when they both see something in the distance. Phil is very tenative towards his approach but as Vick is fearless he keeps on moving down the hallway.

Vick: Dexter, Toto, that you up there?

A few moments pass before the screams of both dogs are heard and then are quickly silenced. It happened so fast that it honestly looked as if the dogs necks were broken by the air itself.

Phil: Something is up there Mick.

Vick: It's Mike mother f#$@er and yeah no shit something is up there. Now get your Sith staff carrying ass up here and fight like a man.

They both continue down the hall when all of a sudden they see something walk out into the middle of the far hallway, still standing in the shadows.

Phil: Who is that up there? Hey you, who are you?

Vick: You fucking dumb man? Don’t talk to them, fight like you aint got a pussy.

As Vick says this to Phil, the shadowy figure brings the Australian down to the ground. Phil lands on hard on the ground, making him drop his Lavarouk. He regains his composure quite quickly and picks his weapon up just in time to defend himself against his foe. He uses it in defense of their attack and then tries to make a strike against the still unknown adversary. He uses the Lavarouk several times but it doesn't do a thing. He is then struck in the head several times in a row and is once again dropped to the ground. This time he is unable to reach his weapon and before he can even react, he is struck in the throat with a well placed ridge hand, crushing his esophogus and therefore killing him.

Vick who is still unclear to who is doing this has finally lost his patience in the secretive warrior.

Vick: Show yourself mother f#$#er! You a pu$$y or something? Can't show your face and shit? Fighitng like a Real Bitch!

Silence falls over the hallway for several moments until his opponent finally reveals himself. What he sees is a shadowy figure in full samauri garb.

Vick: I said show yourself!!!

With that the samauri undoes his face cloth only to reveal a face that Vick was not expecting.

Vick: Well no shit, you is a bitch! Explains a lot.

Tomoe Gozen: You speak like a fool and use weapons that can't possibly hurt me. For I am of an order that somebody of your position could not possibly understand. So use your weapons on me if you must, but I will warn you that they will not work.

Vick slings something from his back and sets it up on his left shoulder.

Vick: Well all of that shit might have been true in your day honey but you can tell your order that there are a couple new weapons around here that might be considered game changers.

Tomoe Gozen: Like I said before, use your weapons if you must, but they will not work.

Vick: I've only got one thing to say to that.

Tomoe Gozen: And what will that be?

Vick: Bad Newz for you Mother F#$@er!

Vick then shoots a missle from his M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher at the female Samauri.

Tomoe Gozen: Huh, what is this?

The missile strikes Gozen before she realizes she should react to it, destroying her in one hell of a fiery explosion.

Vick then slings the missile launcher back behind himself and starts to walk back towards the mess hall. As he continues on his journey I can hear him utter "arrogant bitch" under his breathe.