Season 5, Consolation Round 3 – Dope Fiends vs Murderflies

Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers are: Martin Riggs w/4 barrel Rocket Launcher

Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are: Quick Draw McGraw and Teddy Roosevelt with a green lantern ring.

“Gawsh… I hope this is the right store, Teddy!” Pants an exhausted Quick Draw McGraw.

Teddy Roosevelt is riding atop the Hanna Barbara animated horse who is struggling mightily to keep from collapsing under the massive weight of our nation’s 26^th president.

“It HAS to be this store.  Do not worry, Baba Booey” replies Roosevelt as he dismounts from McGraw in front of the Lowe’s at the corner of 13 mile and Van Dyke.

“First, his name is Baba LOOEY, and my name is Quick Draw McGraw.” Says McGraw.

“Oh yeah… Same show though, right?” Teddy asks as they walk through the front door.

“It’s about time!” shouts an annoyed Martin Riggs who has setup camp near the entrance.  He is stretched out in a zero gravity lawn chair.  Countless pop cans and beef jerky wrappers litter the floor around him.  “You guys do know this match was supposed to start over 3 weeks ago, right!?”

“It isn’t OUR fault!” yells Roosevelt.  “Blame the watcher!  He never told us which hardware store to go to so we have been to 35 different Lowe’s and Home Depot’s in the Detroit area.”

“Whatever, lets get this party started.  I’ll give you two 5 minutes to get a game plan together and then I’m gonna level this place.” Says Riggs as he picks up his rocket launcher and takes off toward the lumber section.

Teddy turns to McGraw and instructs him to go find a small hatchet or a scratch awl.  “Something that doesn’t make a lot of noise,” he continues.  “I will fire off a couple rounds and draw his attention; you sneak up behind him and chop him in the back of the leg or something.”

The horse runs off leaving an animated puff of dust in his wake.  Teddy pulls out his trusty six shooter and starts to stroll down the aisles with his gun at the ready.  Riggs appears a few aisles in front of Teddy and aims his rocket launcher.  As he fires a rocket, Quick Draw McGraw sneaks up behind him and buries a utility knife into the detective’s ankle severing his Achilles tendon.  Riggs screams in pain and collapses hard on the floor dislocating his shoulder for the thousandth time.  He looks up just in time to watch his rocket explode harmlessly against a green brick wall from Teddy’s Green Lantern ring.  Riggs then kicks McGraw with his good foot and crawls on top of him.  He wrestles the utility knife easily out of his hoof and sinks it deep into the horse’s neck.  McGraw breathes in his own blood and within a matter of less than a minute is dead in a pool of cartoon blood.

Teddy stands up and the green energy wall in front of him disappears.  He jogs down to where the scuffle just happened and sees his teammate’s dead body.  He also sees a trail of blood leading out the other side of the aisle.  He smiles, lights a cigar and follows the bloody footprints.

Riggs doubles back toward the entrance using the row along the back side of the store.  Exhausted he turns down the paint aisle and does his all too familiar slam of his shoulder against the metal shelving.  “Man this gets annoying,” he says to himself as he pops it back into place.  As he recovers leaning against the shelf he looks at a row of spray paint.  “It’s kinda old school, but it just might work” he mutters quietly.

Teddy arrives finally and is met with a hobbled Martin Riggs pointing his newly spray painted rocket launcher at him about a hundred feet away.  Riggs fires and Teddy puts up another green wall of energy just in time to see a yellow spray painted rocket barrel at him.

“Oh, Bully…” is all he manages to get out before the explosion breaks the force of his ring and sends him flying against the back wall, killing him instantly.