FFL "Spoiler Sport"- Post Season Edition. Round Three
Well folks, it's all said and done.The dust has settled, planets have shaken, blood has been spilled, and the bodies have hit the floor. We have a new Universe Bowl champion. "Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Batallion of Commandos have concluded their amazing run this year by bringing home the Universe Bowl trophy with a heart pounding, adrenaline pumping victory over Beckerman's Backyardigan's Beeyatches. Both teams suffered tremendous casualties in Universe Bowl Five as only Heimdall left the PlayOff Planet alive, narrowly defeating Orion in the final seconds of the battle.
The Commandos commanding season wasn't limited to just the Universe Bowl however. The Commandos also ended up winning the All-Star game for their division, with a little help from Geroge Washington's Slaves all-star Yoda. Dora The Explorer, President Obama and Kingdom Come Superman utterly dominated their opponents in battle, much like they've done all year.
We take you over to Pepper Brooks, who's still recovering from his near fatal shotgun blast to the head to wrap up the consolation rounds. Whatcha got for us Pep?
Muh mu, Muhmuh.
Muh muh muh muh muhmuhmuhmuh muhmuh muh muh muh. Muhmuh's muhmuhm muh muh muh muh muh muh muh. Muh muh muh. Muh muh muh muhmuhmuh.
Muh muh. Muh muh muh muhmu muh. Muhmuhmuh muhmuhmuh muhmuhmuh muh muhmuhmuh muh muh muhmuhmuhmuh muh muh muh muh muhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muhmuhmuh muh muh muh muh muh muhmuh muh muh muhmuhmuh
Muh muh. Muh muh muh muhmu muh. Muhmuhmuh muhmuhmuh muhmuhmuh muh muhmuhmuh muh muh muhmuhmuhmuh muh muh muh muh muhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muhmuhmuh muh muh muh muh muh muhmuh muh muh muhmuhmuh
Muh muh. Muh muh muh muhmu muh. Muhmuhmuh muhmuhmuh. Muh muh muh muh muhmuhmuh muh muh muh muh muh muhmuh muh muh muhmuhmuh
Muhmuh?
Uh, ok. Thanks Pepper, and once again congrats to Xavier's Annihilation Squad on their win and for becoming the season five "Kings of the Consolation match".
That'll about do it for us, thank you everyone for you viewership and we here at the-
KER-ZACK!!
What the? Sir? We're in the middle of a broadcast here! You can't just...
"Quiet! Cotton, please. You've gotta come with me. His death was all she needed to put her plan into play! This is what he was planning all along, I was too blinded by his methods. I've gotta.."
"Whoa, whoa. Slow down sir. What is all this? Who are you?"
"The name's Reginald McTwivent, but everyone calls me Butterscotch. You don't get it. He was trying to stop her, but it's too late."
"Who? Who's too late?"
"Kang. Don't you see? That's why he destroyed the Playoff Planet. He knew he was destined to die there, that he was they only one who could stop it. But now they have him and we're all...oh god. It's coming. Hurry we gotta get out of here.I hear the faint humming, they're almost here. I only have a few timejumps left, we gotta go! NOW!."
"Butterscotch is it? I'm just a broadcaster. What do I"
"You can make them remember! They can't forget! We have to work together or else it's all going to disappear! Now LET'S GO!"
"Wh-'
KER-ZACK!!!
"Muhmuh? Muh"
FWAH-SHHOOM!!!!
"Muh! Muhmuh!"
"SIlence him, Real Man."
"With pleasure my liege!"
"Mu-"
BLAM. BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM.
"Excellent. Greeting, filth. It is I, your new lord and master, Pandora. Allow me to introduce my companions. To my left is a fellow many of you may know, but who has tired of the constant abuse and disrespect showered upon him by the powers that be in this "League". A being who provided all of you with power beyond your comprehension that you've seen fit to squander and make mockery of. I speak of course of the mighty Nekron.
"YOU SHALL ALL BOW-"
"Patience, my friend. Patience. And to my right, the final cog in my machine. The one who was able to spread such discontent amongst all of you. Who had you turning on each other with accusations and theories of his true identity. You call him by the title "Real Man", but now you know him by his true name....SILK BISHOP!!"
"Thanks, Pandora. This just in...all of you guys are a bunch of assholes! Locking me in Arkham can't stop me! My truth shall never be silenced!"
"Quite right, Silk. Now. As to why I'm here. This entire year, I have waited and watched. Biding my time, until the moment was right. Till I could finally assemble the proper team to perform such an undertaking. And now I have it. Nekron, if you will"
"With pleasure, my queen. Rama-Tut of Earth. RISE!!"
"Yes, my master? What is it you seek?"
"Kang, bring your new queen Pandora what she desires, so that we may once again experience the sweet silence of death and extinguish all the light in this League!"
"As you wish"
FWAH-SHHOOM!
FWAH-SHHOOM!
"Here you are, my liege. The weapon"
"My thanks, Kang. I told you eons ago, that you could only hide this from me for so long. Now it is mine, and we shall remake the universe as we see fit. This message is for all of you, and I hope you're listening "Butterscotch", we are not the bad guys here. You people were given something special, and you drove it to the ground with your power struggles, and backbiting. You were given the chance to create a new universe, yet chose instead to pay lip service to nostalgia. Well no longer. Nekron has provided me with the means to erase all of this from resistance, and Silk helped to remove the final obstacle for me to overcome-the office of the Commissioner. With no one in office, I can finally unleash my fury upon the world and expunge this "Fantasy Fantasy League" from existance. This box was taken from me centuries ago, and hidden. But it is mine again, and with it I strike at each and everyone one of you, and end it all for good!
Farwell, FFL. I spit on your grave and rejoice in your destruction!
*the box begins to open, there's a bright, blinding light and then...*
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5 comments:
To be continued??
Pepper so funny!
While I appreciate the in depth coverage, I think Pepper could have at least mentioned the other consolation teams. And I think I need to retool my 2 year plan to win this thing...
WHAT THE WHA?!!? I enjoyed the hell out of that... I mean, I didn't get it or anything; but it sure was fun to read. Good work as usual Cotton!!
Ha! Loved the ending!!! Great way to wrap up the season. Very interested to see what happens once the bright, blinding light finally dims down.
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