s6w3- The Empire vs The Horsemen

The Empire are: Black Lantern Abin Sur, White Lantern Swamp Thing, Full Spectrum Kyle Rayner, Pet Avengers Throg, Black Zero, Wartole, Justice Force Tsunami, Abe Sapien, Blastois, Black Lantern Dark Phoenix and Buzz Lightyear

The Horsemen of Apokolips are:  Percy Jackson w/Trident, Superman, Snowflame, Navy Seals #1 and John McClane in a submarine and Seaworm #1, 2, 3 and 5

SSSSSHHHHRRRRRROOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM.

That is the only sound we're able to hear as the battle commences. The mighty sound of Seaworm #4 engulphing Wartole, Throg Blastois, Abe Spien and Buzz Lightyear drowns out their screams of pain as they're hacked to ribbons by the meters and meters of teeth in giant creatures mouth. Tsunami struggles desperately to keep the creatures at bay, narrowly avoiding the monsterous creatures which are over a thousand feet long. He feels a quick burst shoot by him just as Seaworm #5 is about to bestow the same fate upon him as it did his fellow teammates, when suddenly the beast stops, starts to twitch and then suddenly a giant black fist construct explodes out it's midsection. Tsunami is stunned to see black lantern Abin Sur fly out the crevice in the creatures chest, smirking.

"You're welcome." Abin Sur smirks, still covered in the gore of the beast. "But don't make it a habit" and with that he flies off

"I didn't need your-" begins Tsunami, when suddenly a large shadow falls across him and the mighty roar of Seaworm #1 fills the Justice Force members ears. Before he can make the long, painful trip to the Seaworms gullet the monster's head is sudden;y ripped back by a giant green fishhook.

"I can't hold him forever" screams Kyle Rayner "Do something!"

Tsunami quickly gains his faculties, and uses his water controlling powers to create a giant scimitar, and begins furiously hacking at the monstrosity. As Tsunami hacks away, Kyle summons the power of rage within himself as finishes off the creature. Kyle then furiously turns to his teammate.

"WHAT THE F**K IS WRONG WITH YOU?? YOU PANSY ASS DIME STORE NAMOR RIPOFF!!" screams Kyle, still channeling the red energy. "THIS ISN"T TIME TO BULLSH**T AROUND! WE HAVEN'T WON A MATCH YET, AND I'LL BE GODDAMMED IF WE LOSE THIS WEEK! GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND START FU**ING FIGHTING YOU SH*THEAD!!!"

This stirs something in Tsunami "F**k you, newbie." replies Tsunami "You think you know me? You don't know jack. How bout you stop worrying about me, and worry about yourself, dick?"

"Whatever, pussy." snarls the burning red Kyle. "All I know is that's twice so far we've had to save your candyass. You know what they say about three stri-"

FFWWWWOOOSSSSHHHHHH

The two bickering teammates are suddenly encased in  ice as the mighty freeze breath of Superman silences them. The ice containing Kyle begins to creak and break as the rage of the multi-hued lantern reaches a fever pitch. Then, the ice and it's captured inhabitants are shattered by Snowflame.

"YYYeeeeoooooWWWWW, babay! Those two squares are quite the crack-up. Shu shu shaaaaa!" screams the cocaine powered Horsemen "OoooHHhhhh. Hold the phone Soupey sales. That blast took a bit outta me. Gotta take a powder! TTFN. Tata for now!" and with that Snowflame goes off to score some more of the plentiful amounts of blow found in the Horsemen lockerroom."

"I'm starting to rethink fighting for the Horsemen." mumbles Superman as he sees his teammate fly away. Superman uses his telescopic vision to search for more of the Empire, when his blood runs cold. His vision switches from telescopic to heat and the water around him begins to boil. Superman has spotted the black lanterns of the Empire, the memories of what transpired last week in the graveyard with his cousin still fresh in his mind.

"No. More." snarls the Man of Steel. Superman takes a moment to collect himself, and uses his supermemory to recall the various weakness of a black lantern. He curses the fact that there are no lantern rings at his disposal, when he's hit from behind by  the Black Lantern  Dark Phoenix.

"Let's see what happens when I tear that righteous, beating heart from your chest. Will it still bleed for your poor, dead cousin?" she mocks.

"You're a Phoenix, right?" asks Superman "Let's see you rise from the ashes" and he lets loose a massive blast of heatvision that incinerates not only the black lantern Dark Phoenix but Tsunami, and the remaining Seaworms on his own team. As the ring begins to reform Dark Phoenix, inspiration strikes Superman and he blasts off into space, and takes off at such speed he disappears completely.

"Coward." the Dark Phoenix mutters as her face reforms. She turns to find another victim when suddenly a red lightsaber bursts through her chest.

"How?" she begins when a green one erupts out of her throat and the combination of green and red energies from the Star Wars weapons eradicate her.

"Sorry. Had to duck out for a second" says Superman. "Now no one can say we didn't get anything good out of the cinematic retelling of 'The Phantom Menace', thanks to that flick I remembered that Qui-Gon and Darth Maul both died round these parts and lost just the lightsabers I'd need. A little super-timetravel and BOOM. One black lantern down"

"AND ONE TO GO!!!" screams Abin Sur as he rockets past Superman in a construct of the Lex-Soar. Superman dodges quickly out of the way, and the two begin a heated battle with neither combatant daring to get too close to his opponent.

Elsewhere, Snowflame flies up the torpedo tune of the Horsemen's submarine and knocks on the hatch. His teammates John McClane and Navy SEAL #1 let him in.

"Just in time, Snow" says the SEAL "Our sub is under attack from this strange seaweed."

"One sec, not to BLOW you off" says Snowflame "But I need some blow."

"Come to the Horsemen they say." says McClane "Have a few laughs. Hang with Superman. Maybe win another title, they tell me. Instead here I am with a common SEAL and a coked out guy in red pajamas. Just great. And ontop of that, that Jackson kids just disappears. Son of  a god? Feh. More like son of a bitch"

Without warning, the hull is breached and seaweed tendrils grab hold of the SEAL and choke him to death. The massive white lantern Swamp Thing bursts into the sub and McClane finds himself in a sinking situation.  McClane knows he doomed, so he quickly rushes over to Snoflame's table and flips it over, scattering the cocaine into the rapidly increasing water.

"MY COKE" screams Snowflame as he sees the last of his cocaine evaporate in the water. "NOW WHAT AM I GONNA DO??"

He's...a...white...lantern." glubs McClane "Snort hi*" and with that John McClane finds  he no longer has to live free. Foir it's a good day. To die. Hard. With a vengeance.  Two.

"POPPA SPANK!" screeches Snowflames as he rockets toward The Empire's white lantern. Snowflame begins to furiously tear the creature apart. Before Swampy can register what's happened he's reduced to mulch and the white ring. Snowflame uses his mighty coke fueled strength to crush the ring into powder and quickly rubs it on his gums.

"OOOOHHHHHHH FFFUUUUUUUCCCCCC- THAT IS THE GOOD SH*T! I CAN SEE THROUGH TIME!" the now near omnipotent being says. "I am needed elsewhere." and with that, he takes off to the final stages of battle.

"I can go all night, Superman" screams Abin Sur. "I'll beat you the way Doomsday did. By tiring you out."

"As long as you black lantern abominations exist, I'll never tire. Even if it takes me to my last breath" and Superman begins his final gambit. He lets loose another burst of freezebreath and freezes everything around him. He uses his last bit of strength to run Abin Sur through with his lightsaber. As the black lantern dies, Superman collapses to catch his breath.

"Is it... is it over?" he wonders When suddenly his shoulder explodes in pain and he feels his remaining strength leave him.

"It soon will be, superfool" proclaims Black Zero."I won't make the same mistake with you that I did with Jax-Ur. This time I used my magnificent weapons creation power to shoot you with a GREEN kryptonite bullet. Any last words"

"Yeah. You still won't win. Your empire will crumble" and Superman spits in his face.

Black Zero screams in rage  and finishes off the Horsemen's first pick for the sixth season.

"You forgot something." says a voice as Snowflame and Percy Jackson appear in front of him.

"And what's that, druggie?" sneers the mighty weaponsmith

"That red kryptonite isn't the only way to get THIS" yells Percy as he reaches into his backpack and pulls out the head of Medusa.

"NNoooo-" Black Zero begins to scream as he turns to stone, just as he did when Jax-Ur faced him. As Black Zero sinks to the depths, defeated Percy turns to Snowflame and asks him

"But, how did you know that the Medusa head would stop him, and that I'd have it?"

"Simple." replies Snowflame "I do my research. I don't just make stuff up as I go. Now let's go score some morre COKE!"