S6W6 - Horsemen vs Kennelz

The Horsemen of Apokolips is: Superman,Battle Pope w/M134 Minigun, Eternity, The One Above All, Exitar the Exterminator (9 Deaths), Oneg the Prober, The Destroyer, Snowflame, Hope Summers, Jason Voorhees w/Red Lightsaber, Stitch, Kit Fisto w/Blue Lantern Ring, Black Lantern Yoda, Black Lantern Chris Artrip, Black Lantern Julie Artrip, The Predator (Violet Entity) merged with Ella Artrip (w/Blue Lightsaber, Josh's Wakashi, Supergirl's Cape), The Demon: Gene Simmons w/Red Lightsaber, The Starchild: Paul Stanley w/Heat Axe, The Catman: Peter Criss w/Halberd, The Celestial: Ace Frehley w/Atlas Axe, Fry Guy #1, Fry Guy #2, Friend Bear, Bedtime Bear, Wish Bear.

The Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are:  Phoenix Force Cyclops, Phoenix Force Collossus, Phoenix Force Emma Frost (w/ Pink Kryptonite), Phoenix Force Magik, Phoenix Force Namor, Anti Monitor, Black Lantern Galactus (9 Deaths) , (Black Lantern) Silver Surfer, Super-girl (Ariella Kent), Shazam (Freddie Freeman), Black Lantern Bizarro Superman, Bizarro Supergirl, ,Steel Superman, Inhumans: Black Bolt (w/ Mace Windu's Purple Lightsaber and Green Lantern Ring)(9 Deaths), Green Lantern Ryan Poteracki, Mandalorian Justin Oblak (w/ GoW Lancer), Matt Oblak (Mandalorian Armor, Green & Blue Lightsabers), Dr. Teresa Oblak (In  A Tie Interceptor w/ Tron suit & Light disc, Blue & Green Lightsabers), Pete Sosa Dark Jedi, Tinkerbell (W/Blue lightsaber & Blue Lantern Ring), Young Anakin Skywalker (In a Tie Interceptor (W/Blue lightsaber & Blue Lantern Ring)(9 Deaths))

“I Fucked up… I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have euthanized you.  That was stupid.” Says an inebriated Black Lantern Chris Artrip.  He is seated at a table inside the Transformers Ark which is taking the HoA into battle.
“Unfortunate, it was.  Failure… It was not.” Replies Black Lantern Yoda.
“No it was.  You could have killed KFC  Superman just fine with one arm.  I should have saved your extra death for the playoffs.  Perhaps I would have gotten further.”
“Hmm hmm. “ BL Yoda chuckles.  “Defeat the Commandos twice, we could not.  Nick’s destiny, it was.”
“Maybe.  But now look.” He says pointing around the common area of the Ark.  “Now you’re a Horseman.”
“And what are you?  Hmm?”  asks BL Yoda.
“I’M HIGH AS A MUTHAFUKKA!!” screams Snowflame, interrupting this heartfelt moment and sits down opposite the two old friends.
“You’re a mess.  And you got a little something on your nose.” Artrip says.
“You think I’m a mess?  You should see Hope’s crotch.  BOOOYAHHH!”

The ship jolts out of hyperspace and immediately the team is flying into action.  The Horsemen’s Celestials are the only team members that did not fly within the ark.  The Kennelz have Dr. Teresa Oblak and Young Anakin Skywalker in TIE Interceptors while the rest of the team is using a complementary T-Rons-Porter 3000 as a base ship, courtesy of the all-powerful, and handsome, Fizzatu.  The Kennelz take the immediate offensive and head toward the ark.  Most of the team heads for the ark, attempting to breach its hull or force its way through the hatch.  Steel Superman lands on the ship and begins to smash his hammer into the side. Skywalker and Dr. Oblak fire at the ship while Mandalorian Justin Oblak tries to cut through it with his lancer.  Their efforts are futile.  Tinkerbell flies in through a vent shaft and using her Blue Lantern ring, opens the hatch effortlessly from the inside.  The crew of the Horsemen already knows of the breach and is barreling down the hallway.  The Kennels are following suit in a game of chicken.  Lightsabers and guns are drawn, The first bloodbath is upon us.

These close quarters favor the nimble.  Steel Superman has raised his hammer again but Jason Voorhees is able to jump on his chest and after a few seconds, his red lightsaber is able to melt through his metal armor and end his life.  This delay proves costly as Green Lantern Ryan Poteracki is able to relieve Jason of his head before heading toward Kit Fisto.  They begin this sweet lightsaber fight until BL Julie Artrip comes up next to Kit and exposes her breasts to Ryan.  Everyone knows that the naked female form is Ryan’s kryptonite and as he drools, Kit shoves his lightsaber down Ryan’s throat.  

“Uncle Pete!”  A tiny voice calls out.  

Pete Sosa looks down to see Ella Artrip running toward him, arms extended.  Pete kneels down to give her a hug and realizes, as her lightsaber goes through his chest, that this is not the lovable toddler, but she is merged with the violet entity of the Predator.  As he dies, he is able to force push her away and send her crashing into her mother.  The two Artrip women fall on Fryguy #2 engulfing the three of them in flames.

The Mandalorian Oblak brothers have the Horsemen retreating back into the common area.  Once inside the teams have more room to fan out and fight.  The Brothers are met by Snowflame who throws a handful of the white, powdery heaven into their faces.  Instantly reminded of their trips to Vegas, the brothers begin to trip and cannot tell friend from foe.  Justin runs his Lancer into Supergirl (Ariella Kent), killing his own team mate.  Matt manages to find an enemy and dispatches Hope Summers with his dual lightsabers before an enraged Shazam ends the lives of his insane teammates.

Tinkerbell is battling Wish Bear and Friend Bear and having the cutest fight ever.  But since Tink has a lightsaber, this isn’t much of a battle.  She unstuffs Friend Bear and as she removes the limbs of Wish Bear, the care bear uses her only power to cause a bowling ball to materialize out of thin air, sending Tink back to Never Never Land.

BL Yoda, BL Chris Artrip, Kit Fisto and Bedtime Bear retreat and put on space suits to join the fight outside.  Shazam and Bizarro Supergirl still remain in the ship for the Kennelz along with Stitch, Snowflame, Fryguy #1, and Battle Pope for the Horsemen.  Battle Pope is laying down heavy fire while Shazam and Bizarro Supergirl take cover.  The members of KISS 4K feel like this is a good time for music and they begin to provide the soundtrack for the fight.  After a few moments of what sounds like a thousand cats being raped, everyone in the room, including this “legendary” band, stops and immediately choses suicide as opposed to listening to another note of this garbage.

Outside, the 4 Horsemen who retreated stand atop the Ark.  The Kennelz’s two TIE interceptors are circling around, providing cover fire as their other teammates take on the three celestials.  Young Anakin buzzes past the 4 some and Goodnight Bear is sucked up in the wake of his ship passing and he lands on the windshield of Dr. Oblak’s ship.  She swerves erratically and strikes The Destroyer who is floating in space.  They both die as they impact on the armor of The One Above All.  The Celestial does not notice.  Young Anakin moves in to avenge his teammate and flies straight toward his head.  He ejects and as the TIE slams into his face, Anakin lands on the shiny dome of the massive celestial and uses his lightsaber to try and penetrate the massive armor.  This creates a diversion long enough for PF Collossus and Cyclops to create a big enough hole for Cyclops to fire an optic blast inside the armor.  In a fit of panic, The One Above All teleports himself and his three opponents to another universe just as its sun is going supernova and they are all obliterated sending Young Skywalker to the graveyard.

The remaining 3 Phoenix Force members land on the Ark and engage the 3 Horsemen.  Yoda and Fisto are able to put up a fight together as they kill Namor.  Fisto turns around and is turned inside out by Magik.  Yoda is quick to remove her head as he sees Emma Frost making quick work of BL Artrip.  She sees Yoda charging and chooses to retreat to the rest of her team.  Yoda grabs the dying Artrip and looks into his eyes.

“Hey…  Fight like a Slave.”  Artrip says softly before dying.

Emma Frost returns to join the last of the Kennelz who are regrouping.  She is joined by BL Bizarro Superman, BL Silver Surfer, BL Galactus, Black Bolt and the Anti Monitor.  “I have one last weapon,” she says as she pulls out the Pink Kryptonite.

“Oooohhh.  It’s Gorgeous!!” says BL Bizarro Superman who is suddenly sexually confused.
“Control yourself!” says the Silver Surfer.
“Yeah, get that away from him!  Go take it to the other Superman.” Galactus instructs Emma.

Emma flies toward Superman with the Pink Kryptonite.  She is joined by Anti Monitor and BL Silver Surfer.  Superman is with Oneg the Prober and Eternity (this is gonna get dirrrrrty and Eternity likes to watch…).  As Superman approaches he suddenly notices how shiny the Silver Surfer is… Like… REALLY shiny.  And man, what a form fitting outfit!  The teams are now within talking distance to each other.

“Hi, Silvey.  The world of Fantasy Fantasy can get pretty lonely.  Want a manjob?” Superman says while winking at the Surfer.
“Oh God…” Emma Frost says.
“I’m scared. What’s a manjob?”  He asks Emma.
“Something you don’t want.” She replies.

Superman then turns around and Silver Surfer wastes little time flying his surfboard right in Superman’s anal G-spot sending him to heaven (literally and orgasmically).  Oneg the Prober grabs Emma and she drops the Kryptonte.  Well, I guess it kinda floats there because we are in space but whatever.  He telepathically informs her that the next few seconds may be a little… uncomfortable.  She suffers internal damages from a very invasive procedure that only a sorority chick could handle.  She unfortunately was not and dies quickly.  

The Anti Monitor tries to absorb the energy of the Eternity as the Eternity tries to control the Mind of the Anti Monitor.  This locks the two of them in a mental battle that will rage for a million billion years.  The only result is an eternal stalemate until Exitar obliterates the Anti Monitor.  The Eternity will not awaken clearly brain damaged from the attack.

BL Galactus joins his old buddy BL Silver Surfer to take on Oneg.  Silver Surfer runs circles around his head until Oneg smashes him like a fly.   Galactus inhales deeply, consuming the celestial with little effort.

5 fighters remain.  BL Bizarro Superman, Black Bolt and BL Galactus are together looking at the last two Horsemen.  The size difference between the two is comical.  BL Yoda charges at BL Bizarro Superman while Black Bolt and Galactus head toward the massive Exitar the Exterminator.  BL Yoda tries valiantly to avenge his former owner, but his black lantern power is met with equal opposition in the man of steel and Superman’s combination of heat vision and speed best the tiny Jedi.

BL Bizarro Superman joins the fight that is raging between the 3 remaining nine death characters, none of which want to go to the graveyard.  “I have a plan!” He screams and then explains the plan to his teammates.

“This better work.” BL Galactus says.  I don’t want to die for nothing.
“If it doesn’t, then I will see you soon in the Graveyard old friend.” Replies Black Bolt as he hands Mace Windu’s Purple Lightsaber to BLB Superman and his Green Lantern ring to BL Galactus.

BL Galactus and BLB Superman fly as fast as they can toward Exitar who is raising his arms to strike.  BLB Superman ignites the lightsaber and Galactus creates a spear out of green energy.  Black Bolt flies directly behind the two of them and when he feels that they are as close as they can get before Exitar can attack, Black Bolt screams using his hypersonic voice to propel his two teammates through the impenetrable armor of the massive celestial, killing the trio instantly.