S6 Consolation Round 3 – Kitties vs Empire

For this match I did a little something different.  I (Fizzatu) relied on the help of fellow watchers Nickatu and Goofatu.  We used a fun literary game we like to call “Fortunately/Unfortunately”.  The rules are simple. Each watcher had to add one line to the story but the only requirement was that we had to alternate the starting word of each of our entries between “Fortunately” and “Unfortunately”.  Hope you all enjoy reading it as much as we did writing it.   Now on to the match:

The Empire are: Watchdog #3 and 4

Layanderlett's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family: Scott Pilgrim (w/ Devil Lance), Carrie Bradshaw, and Treasure Troll #17

The Kitties Team approaches the abandoned rest stop where they are to do battle today.

(Fizz) Fortunately, The light in the woman's bathroom still works because Carrie Bradshaw needs to take a shit.

(Nick) Unfortunately, Carrie discovered there wasn`t any toilet paper immediately after she delivered a wet loaf to the grimy black and brown speckled bowl she was hovering over.

(Goof) Fortunately, this didn't bother Carrie because she's pretty sure it was a no-wipe delivery.  So she dug some hand sanitizer from her D&G clutch and began rubbing it into her leathery hands. 

(Fizz) Unfortunately, as she was buying a decade old vending machine tampon to stem the light flow from her abused anus, the lights went out and she heard Scott Pilgrim scream. 

(Nick) Fortunately, Carrie remembered that she had an LED compact in her D&G and pulled it out to light up the darkness that the supposedly cool slacker had caused.

(Goof) Unfortunately, reflected in the compact was a horrible monster. 

(Fizz) Fortunately, the monster she saw in the mirror was merely a reflection of her own gaunt, haggard visage. 

(Nick) Unfortunately, the sight of her own reflection was still frightening enough to make her drop and therefore break the only light source she had.

(Goof) Fortunately, being plunged into sudden darkness hid Carrie from the watchdogs who went running past only moments later. 

(Fizz) Unfortunately for the Treasure Troll, he too went undetected in the darkness and was crushed by one of the Watchdogs as they ran out of the restroom and into the common area of the rest stop. 

(Nick) Fortunately for the Kitties, The Watchdogs did not notice they crushed the troll and kept on moving right along, definitely not doing anything that might usually take place at a rest stop during a consolation match.

(Goof) Unfortunately because they were in such a hurry, they did not notice Carrie sneaking out of the bathroom. 

(Fizz) Fortunately for the Watchdogs, the moon provided just enough light for them to see Scott Pilgrim standing before them, gripping his devil lance, poised to strike. 

(Nick) Unfortunately for the Kitties, Carrie gave away her hidden location after mistaking the two Watchdogs for Steve and Miranda, therefore leaving herself and Scott wide open to the Watchdogs.

(Goof) Fortunately for Carrie and Scott, the watch dogs didn't discuss which person to go after and they collided with each other while each rushing in the opposite direction;  Landing In a confused heap on the ground. 

(Fizz) Unfortunately for Watchdog #3, he looked up just in time to see Scott Pilgrim and Carrie Bradshaw tipping a Pepsi vending machine over on top of him. 

(Nick) Fortunately for Watchdog #3, Pepsi was his drink of choice as he welcomed the coming death knowing that his beloved would be the cause of his demise.

(Goof) Unfortunately Carrie’s fear of empty calories drove her into a crazed screaming fit, distracting her from the remaining Watchdog who moved into position to strike. 

(Fizz) Fortunately for the Kitties, as Carrie ran in circles around the Watchdog, it caused him to become dizzy and he began to stagger. 

(Nick) Unfortunately for Carrie, all that running around caused her to break the right heel of her Jungle Red Manolo Blahnik`s, sending her crashing to the ground in a Tsunami of emotions.

(Goof) Unfortunately, the remaining watchdog could not take advantage of the greedy woman's collapse because Scott Pilgrim chose that moment to launch into an attack.

(Fizz) Fortunately for Scott, commons are expendable in the FFL and he thrusted his devil lance deep into the remaining Watchdog's torso. 

(Nick) Unfortunately for Scott, as soon as he finished off the Watchdog and said something douchy to him, he began to get the hard sell from Carrie as she is very much attracted to giant DB's.

(Goof) Fortunately for the watcher he can wrap this thing up. 

(Fizz) Unfortunately for the reader, this love story is just beginning…

(Nick) Unfortunately for Scott, Carrie would not quit with her advances and soon enough the two of them were in a committed relationship, albeit one where the affection was overwhelmingly one sided.

(Goof) Fortunately for Scott, Carrie was still legally married to Mr. Big so in true Scott Pilgrim form he knew he would have to fight and hopefully die before becoming trapped in this one sided relationship. 

(Fizz) Unfortunately for Scott, Carrie has years of training in manipulating men. 

(Nick) Fortunately for Scott, growing up his favorite film was "The Black Stallion" so even though he couldn't stomach her as a lover, he could at least love her as a faithful companion.

(Goof) Unfortunately Carrie was suddenly stricken with a case of equine encephalomyelitis. 

(Fizz) Fortunately, Scott was the heir to the largest sugar cube company in all of Canada so he was able to provide his beloved with all the nourishment she required. 

 (Nick) Unfortunately, Ramona found out about Carrie and was now starting her own battle for the heart of the Sugar Cube Heir.

(Goof) Fortunately... And ironically... Carrie had a sizable investment in a glue factory and had a glue moat poured around the battlefield. Keeping Ramona at bay.

(Fizz) Unfortunately for the new love birds, Ramona also had the help of the wealthy Mr. Big who flew the two over the moat in his corporate helicopter. 

(Nick) Fortunately for Scott, as soon as Carrie saw Mr. Big with Ramona she snapped out of her infatuation and began to run back to her silver fox.

(Goof) Unfortunately for Carrie, Ramona doesn't take kindly to someone moving in on her man and she flattens Carrie mid-stride with her giant cartoon hammer. 

(Fizz) Fortunately for Carrie's honor, Mr. Big felt it necessary to avenge the death of his wife by picking up Scott and casting him down into glue moat below, sending Ramona into a rage again. 

(Nick) Unfortunately for Ramona, she let her rage get the best of her as Mr. Big easily moved out of the way of her charge and she ran directly into the glue filled moat.

Fortunately for you readers, Goof has grown tiresome of this madness and refuses to continue.

Unfortunately, this can easily continue in the comments below.