All-Star Game: The Royal Nutbusters Vs. Shemalabama Apokolips

The Royal Nutbusters are: Professor Charles Xavier and The Annoying Orange.

Shemalabama Apokolips is: The Joker and Real Man.

"Due to a settlement reached with The FFL regarding the "Trophy Room" scandal, The Royal Highness has pledged many hours of community service to the league. One victim of this agreement is I, Professor Charles Xavier. I have been assigned to counsel some of the more... disturbed individuals in The FFL as my particular pennance. I do this under protest, as I was against said trophy room since it's incepton. Unfortunately, NFG was quite insistent on shirking at least some of his responsibility, so here I sit, communicating telepathically with you instead of listening to my first patient. Although, in my defense, it has been saying the same thing repeatedly for the last 5 minutes. Observe..."

Charles Xavier sits in his wheelchair next to a couch in his office. The couch is currently occupied by The Annoying Orange. "What's up, Chuck?" it asks for what must be the 63rd time. Xavier buries his face in his palms while closing his eyes tightly. "Damn you, NFG." he mutters under his breath. He finally raises his head and speaks. "Orange, has anybody ever told you that you are slightly annoying?" asks the Professor. "I'm not annoying, I'm an orange!" explains Orange as expected. Xavier again rues his fate, until an idea suddenly hits him. "Orange, have you ever considered that you are both annoying, AND an orange?" questions Professor X. Annoying Orange begins to speak, but then it's eyes grow wide as it gasps. "Breakthrough..." whispers Orange. "Th... thank you Professor... Thank you..." it mumbles as it exits the office.

Charles Xavier's victory is short lived, and the preparations for his next client are interupted by his door being kicked open. Real Man and NuFaGtu barge in together, and Xavier expects the worst. He is not disappointed. "Chuck, I'm sorry to do this, and I know you're busy, but I need you to babysit Real Man while I go watch another match." says NuFaGtu. "Trust me, this will be easy. Eric gets sleepy after he eats, and I fed him that orange from your waiting room. He'll be out in no time." explains the watcher. Before the Professor can lament the passing of his teammate The Annoying Orange, something more annoying begins yelling loudly. " THIS IS BULLSH*T!!!" begins Eric elegantly. "REAL MAN DEMANDS A CHANGE OF VENUE!!! NFG IS AN @SSHOLE, THEREFORE ALL HIGHNESS MEMBERS ARE @SSHOLES!!! SO SAYS REAL MAN!!!" shouts Eric. "And that's my cue to leave! Thanks again Chuck!" says NuFaGtu. The Watcher leaves the office, and Xavier is completely stunned.

Real Man sits on the couch as Xavier regains his composure. "So... Eric... What is your earliest memory?" asks the Professor. "REAL MAN WILL NOT FALL FOR YOUR TRICKS XAVIER!!! YOUR MOMENTS ARE FEW NOW HIGHNESS!!!" declares Eric, although he makes no attempt to engage his enemy and remains seated. "I see.." continues The Professor before he is inevitably cut off. "REAL MAN IS TOO SMART FOR YOU XAVIER!!! YOU WILL NEVER WIN!!!" yells Eric. "Indeed." states The Professor before they both appear on the Astral Plane. The circuits that slowly transmit thought light the area around them as signals flash across the realm of the mind. "REAL MAN IS NOT IMPRESSED!!! YOU WERE A FOOL TO BRING ME HERE!!! DIE XAVIER!!!' shouts Eric as he begins destroying various nerves that connect to the brain. "Eric!!! Stop!!!" This is YOUR mind, not mine!!!" cautions The Professor. Eric stops and Xavier surveys the damage. "You're lucky Eric. You've only managed to destroy the logic and critical thinking portions of your brain, which, frankly, were quite stunted already." explains Charles.

The world's foremost mutant telepath is brought back to reality by a shrill beep from his intercom. "Your 3 o'clock is here, Professor." says Secretary #8 through the speaker. "He will have to wait a few moments. I may be on the verge of something big." answers Xavier before returning to the mindscape.

"Eric, you must let me help you! No mind can sustain this kind of self imposed mental punishment for long. It's just a matter of time before it implodes. Please Eric. Do it for Real Gayby." pleads the Professor. "ARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!! NO XAVIER!!! REAL MAN RESISTS YOU!!! I AM..."

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

Again, the founder of the X-Men is quickly pulled back to the physical world. He is disturbed to see a bullet riddled Real Man. "Sorry Chuckles, but I'm not a man who is used to waiting. Especially for a nobody like this." says The Joker. He puts the still smoking revolver back in his jacket, then kicks Real Dead Man's corpse off the couch. Joker lies on the bloodied furniture and kicks his feet up leisurely. "Oh Charles, I'm soooooo glad to see you! Is this the part where you cure me? Or do we simply skip to the part where you ship me back to Arkham? HA! I'm just DYING to know Professor... Can you can you save me Chuck, ol buddy?" mocks The Clown Prince of Crime. Xavier's disgust is apparent, but he is unshaken. "Nobody is beyond redemption, even one such as you." replies The Professor. "Is that so?" questions the Joker. "That's funny, I can think of one or two beyond redemption!" he continues. "How's about we start in that fancy graveyard of yours Chucky? HA! I'd say they are officially beyond your help! HAHAHAHA!!!!" laughs The Joker. Xavier winces. "Don't get so down Chuck! In fact, I have to hand it to you, old man. You've probably killed far more children than I have." adds The Joker. The Professor bows his head in disgrace. "Oh lighten up! A lesser man might've given up after one or two... but not you Charles... Oh no... You kept sending them through the ol meat-grinder! I love it! HAHAHA!!!" continues The Joker. Xavier finally looks at the criminal. "Perhaps you are right. Perhaps some are truly beyond redemption." admits The Professor. The Joker raises his revolver to his own head. "Really, X?!? It was that easy to shake you? To make you break your moral code? Pathetic. I make fun of Batman's dead partners all the time and he would NEVER..."

BLAM!

The Joker's "self inflicted" gunshot echos in the office, but all Professor Charles Xavier can hear are The Joker's last words. They would be lost to history, if not for Xavier's telepathic abilities. "No matter what you think, you didn't win today, Charles. I'll say hi to Jean for you." thinks The Joker before he dies with a grin.