FFL Royal Rumble Round 3!

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty First person to enter the ring will be Mini Me

Peter: Oh thank god, saved by the bell.

Al Qaeda Terrorist #8: God, don’t you mean ALA!!! YOU MUST PRAISE HIM INFIDEL!!!

Out of nowhere, Peter’s face is covered in a mist of blood.

Peter: (Coughs) Oh wow, that was unexpected. And really violent.

Clone Trooper #51: What can I say, it is literally in my DNA to hate a dissenter.

Dexter Jettster: That’s right, you are one of those cloners.

Clone Trooper #51: Well technically I am one of the clones, not one of the cloners. I never actually helped with the cloning itself.

DJ: Well that is what I meant. Jeez, you don’t have to take me so literally when I talk.

CT #51: When you talk? You mean opposed to when you write.

DJ: You know what I mean, again you do not have to take me so…

Peter: And people accuse me of talking about nothing. This is so boring it reminds me of the time Jimmy Carter tried to free the slaves.

DJ: What? That doesn’t even make sense. The slaves were already free by the time Carter was born.

Peter: Well I know that.

CT #51: Then why did you say it if you already knew that?

Peter: Because if I didn’t then my character would literally serve no purpose whatsoever.

CT #51 & DJ: Your character serves a purpose?!?

Mini Me: Wow and I thought my movies were stupid.

DJ: Well hello there little guy, can I help you with something?

Mini Me: (Totally ignoring the four armed fat bastard) So, is anybody going to get rid of this smelly Arab dude with a blaster hole in his head?

DJ: Well isn't that cute. The little guy is trying to say something. So Cloner, are you going to do something about this body or just continue to stare at him?

CT #51: Yeah, I like to stare at my victims for a while after I finish them off. It does something to me down below that nothing else can quite come close to.

Peter: Did you just admit to getting off to dead bodies?

CT #51: It doesn’t get me off, it just gets me close. Kind of like my own personal four play.

DJ: That is sort of messed up my cloning friend.

CT #51: I am not a cloner you severely overweight slob.

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty Second person to enter the ring is Force Adept #4

DJ: I am beginning to get sick of your inbred cloner attitude.

Mini Me: So we are just going to let this dead Arab rot in the corner instead of dumping his body into the lava? That is something we are just going to do and be okay with?

CT #51: Call me a cloner one more time and I will prove that this blaster rifle is even strong enough to make it through your twelve ton flesh pouch that you call a stomach.

DJ: I dare you to try such a barbaric act. Though again, I would expect nothing less from one of you cloners.

Clone Trooper #51 shoots his blaster at Dexter Jettster but before the blast is able to reach the diner owner, Peter Griffin jumps in front of the blast and takes the fatal hit to the gut.

CT #51: Why would you do that? I didn’t want you dead. Well, you know what I mean.

DJ: Thank you Peter but I do not understand your reasoning for such a heroic move.

Peter: All of your chatter about my life not having a purpose really gave me something to think about. You guys were right, I have lived a completely useless life and if I was going to go out, I wanted it to be worth something. I wanted to at the very least give my life some sort of meaning. Now I have given you your life Dex. Earn this. Earn this.

CT #51: Is it just me or was this just a long form way of Peter saying this is reminding him of the time Tom Hanks died in World War II to make sure Matt Damon could go on to make the Bourne movies?

Mini Me: So this is really what we are doing. Dead Arab is just rotting in the corner. This is great you guys, just great.

Force Adept #4: So what’s going on guys? Why isn’t anybody throwing these dead bodies over the top rope? Isn’t this how the Royal Rumble works?

DJ: We are not allowed to touch the bodies until the cloner over there finishes in his armor.

CT #51 tries to respond but is too aroused to make anything other than a low moaning sound that only Mini Me can hear.

Force Adept #4: So I guess I will take that as a no?

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty Third person to enter the ring is Human Bomb

DJ: You done yet?

Force Adept #4: Is he really getting himself off right now?

DJ: It sure seems to be that way.

FA #4: Not that I am judging. I’m pretty impressed actually.

Mini Me: Two dead bodies now, wonderful.

FA #4: Seriously, I am jealous. You think you could teach me? I have a buddy who can do it without touching and everything. Something about watching the skin move…

DJ: You have the ability to use the force and you use it for such immoral reasons.

FA #4: No I want to use it for such immoral reasons. Like I said, my buddy can do that not me.

CT #51: Like I said to my fat friend over there, I don’t get off on it, I only get close.

FA #4: Get close. What’s the point of edging yourself to death if you have the ability to service yourself to completion? That’s like, well I can’t think of anything else that compares to it without just telling another jack off story.

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty Forth person to enter the ring is Blue Ringed John Cena

Human Bomb: What the hell. I haven’t even made it to the ring yet.

The hope filled John Cena decides to not just to enter the ring, but enter the ring with flare. All the remaining combatants look to the roof of the arena and see the star of the WWE coming down from the rafters. A bright blue glow from his lantern ring helps slowly lower him to the wrestling ring so he can fight. Out of nowhere though a loud chant of “Cena Sucks. Cena Sucks. Cena Sucks” comes from the crowd and in a flash, the blue ring stops working and sends the WWE Superstar crashing towards the ring. His body lands smack dab in the middle of the ring, dead on impact.

Mini Me: Another F@#$ing Body! Will somebody please do something about this please!

DJ: Well that is just a shame. He was such a fine young man. A death like that always makes me put my own life in perspective.

CT #51: So does that mean you will only eat five plates of chili cheese fries today. I mean seriously, what’s higher, the national debt or your cholesterol?

FA #4: Ha Ha HA, good one man. Now come on, teach me to do the jack off trick.

CT #51: It’s not a trick and I’m not jacking off. I just get pleasure out of murdering people. I know it is f#%$ed up but it’s just the way it is.

Human Bomb: Does anybody care if I dump some of these bodies over the edge?

Mini Me: Thank you. It’s about damn time. You know what, I need to shake your hand. Get over here you son of a bitch and take that damn glove off and let me actually shake your hand.

Before Roy can even stop the little guy he rips his glove off and proceeds to shake his hand. The hand shake naturally causes the Austin Powers character to explode on contact which coats the remaining characters in very small bloody pieces.

Human Bomb: Poor little guy, I feel kind of bad about that. He just seemed so excited that I didn't even realize what he was doing until it was too late.

FA #4: You can’t touch anything without making it blow up? How on Alderaan do you live with yourself?

Human Bomb: I don’t quite understand where you are going with this.

DJ: (With a resigned look on his face) What the sad man over there is referring to is how on Coruscant you can live without being able to pleasure yourself with your bare hand.

Human Bomb: That is what the gloves are for. Twenty seconds with that thing on and I can make this thing explode as many times as I want without any negative consequences.

Dexter Jettster just backs up into the corner of the ring and shakes his head out of shame for everyone else in the ring.

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty Fifth person to enter the ring is Age of Apocalypse Blob

CT #51: Hey check it out Dex, there actually is somebody out there who is fatter then you.

FA #4: Check this Trooper, I am going to force choke this dude before he even enters the ring.

The Force Adept attempts to use the force but nothing happens.

CT #51: Don’t even bother with that voodoo garbage, nothing like a trusty blaster to make everything right.

The Clone Trooper shoots about a hundred shots at the Blob to no avail.

The Blob then enters the ring and proceeds to beat every single person to death. Then one by one he dumped all the dead bodies into the pit via the top rope.

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty Sixth person to enter the ring is Watchdog #4

The Watchdog ran down the ring as fast as his Nazi heart could take him. He then jumped into the ring and proceeded to die in half the time. The Blob then dumped his body over the top rope as well.

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty Seventh person to enter the ring is Dora the Explorer

Instead of running towards the ring, Dora just hangs back and waits for the next person to be announced.

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty Eighth person to enter the ring is Bill Lambier

Dora: Hey Bill, just chill out here with me unless you are loco.

Bill: I don’t take commands from a little girl.

Dora: It’s your funeral amigo.

Bill: Oh wait, is that the Blob? That boxer guy from the Wolverine movie?

Dora: Uh yeah, something like that.

Bill: Screw that then, if Wolverine can’t beat him then I don’t have a chance.

Dora: Yeah, that’s why you can’t beat him.

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty Ninth person to enter the ring is Warg #4

The Warg races to the ring and quickly has its neck broken by the behemoth.

Ring Ring Ring…The Thirtieth person to enter the ring is Lightning

Bill: Yo Jen, get your hot ass over here and give us a hand.

Lightning: Screw you Bill, you misogynistic pig.

Dora: Sorry about that Jen but the only way we can defeat this guy is if all of us team up on him.

Lightning looks over at Dora and then hesitantly back at Bill.

Lightning: Okay fine. Let me go first though. I will send a blast at him first so you guys can get into the ring.

Dora: Okay that sounds good. Now BLAST him!

Lightning sends multiple shocks of electricity towards the X-Men villain that seems to stop him in his tracks long enough for the two remaining ring side characters to enter the ring.

Bill: Great job Jen, it seems to be working.

The Blob: Does it now?

The Blob then sends his gravitational field outwards towards the three remaining combatants and knocks them towards the pit of lava that is awaiting them. Dora is the first to get thrown over the top but the NBA All Star and the DC Comic book character are able to hold on. Lightning then extends her hand to Lambier for support, thinking this may help their cause.

Bill: Holding hands already? This is even easier than I thought it would be.

Lightning: Oh screw you pervert. You know what, why let the Blob have all the glory.

Jennifer Pierce sends a blast of electricity through the body of the former world champion, which knocks him over the top rope.

Bill: I always knew you were a bitttttcchhhhhhhh!!!!!!

As Lambier lands into the lava, a small smirk appears on his face as he sinks to the bottom of the pit.

Lightning then gives it one more go as she once more sends a blast towards the immovable object. The move does not pay off though as she is eventually sent over the top rope herself. The Blob screams in victory as he knows nobody else coming in can come close to taking him out.

As the Pay Per View cameras pan out, they show a ring that includes nothing but the massive fat man all by himself. Though to those few viewers out there with a keen enough eye, there is a small flapping of a tattered cape on the bottom edge of the outside of the ring. The flapping is outside the view of Frederick Dukes, but the clever little Explorer that is Dora, is still somehow hanging on for dear life.