Universe Bowl IX: Chapter XXXII.5

Master Ki Adi Mundi here, member of The Jedi High Council and longtime captain of George Washington's Slaves. Slave Log 4-33C. I was part of a convoy, and have since gotten lost; but I thought it important to document my quest. I have navigated this rocky landscape for some time now, with no sign of enemy or friend in sight. I have heard a bustling in the hedgerow, but I do not think it is any cause for alarm. Regardless, I will go check it out, for I am at a loss as to what my mission objectives should bring.

A young woman looks to her three smaller companions and tells them to sit tight and wait for her return, while she goes to investigate the noise on the other side of the cactus outcropping that they were using for cover.

As the two figures turn the corner to meet fact to face, Ki Adi Mundi places his right hand over the hilt of his lightsaber, while the young woman does the same to her own belted Jedi weapon. The young woman speaks: “Master Mundi?? Not the combatant I was expecting”.

Mundi answers: “Dora?? What on Coruscant are you doing here”??

“My consolation match is supposed to begin, but some how I have found myself here”. Responds Dora.

“We have met before as enemies young Dora, but I hope you agree that we have no quarrel this day”. Says Ki Adi.

“I agree Master Jedi”. Responds the explorer.

The conversation continues, as Master Mundi begins to tread somewhere near small talk: “I understand that your great and storied team will be under new management next season. As a fellow Season 1 veteran of a storied franchise, I wish to extend a leaf of graciousness toward you, your team, your owner, and your history”.

Dora answers: “I extend my gratitude for your kind words Master Jedi. I must confess that I know not what will come of me, my friends, or my team going into next season. But I will be ready to serve like the soldier I am regardless of the situation. Although, with this being said, I have a match to fight, it may pale in comparison to the match you are the midst of, but it is a match nonetheless. And a good soldier does not judge their mission based on another's sense of worth”.

They begin to walk away from each other, when Ki Adi Mundi looks back at the young lady and says: “Dora.......

“Yes”??

“Good luck to you young one, here today and in whatever the future brings you”.

“Same to you Master Jedi”. Dora responds.

With that Ki Adi Mundi finds an outcropping where he watches the following match transpire:

Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama's “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos take the field for the last time to battle John and Vader's House of Sith Aids.
The Commandos are Dora the Explorer w/ Boots, Backpack, and The Map.

The Sith Aids are Desmond Howard.


As Superbowl MVP and NCAA Heisman Trophy Winner Desmond Howard awaits his opponents, Boots wears Backpack and holds The Map showing them exactly the destination that could possibly be their very last battle. Desmond stands at the ready, statuesque in his physical appearance, and confident in the way he is holding his pugil stick. A true American Gladiator: Howard seems well aware of his obvious advantage over a young woman and her pet monkey.

As Dora and her friends look up at the ladder placed next to the Joust stand, Boots takes note that the Watchers have only supplied one pugil stick for each squad. Boots speaks: “That's okay Dora. I'll use the pugil stick, and you can use your lightsaber. You are the best with that thing anyhow. He'll be no match for us if we work together”.

Dora replies: “That is probably right Boots. But we were chosen for this mission for a reason. And I am not normally in the vain of analyzing a military situation; but I think we were chosen to provide honor for our great team, on its way out of this storied league”.

“What do you mean”?? Asks Boots.

“It means that the rules implied with this setting must be followed. I grew up watching fifteen year old episodes of American Gladiators reruns back home. And I must go fight him.... ALONE”.

“But Dora”..... Says Boots as the young explorer pulls her lightsaber from her belt and hands it to her monkey friend before climbing onto the Joust stand weaponless.

Dora, hell bent on competing fairly grabs a hold of the over-sized pugil stick for her small framed body.

Desmond looks over at his much smaller opponents and speaks: “Dora the Explorer..... Your reputation precedes you. Both your past accolades and current demeanor are worthy of the highest praise in the annals of The FFL History Books. Although, I do believe my physical prowess provides me a significant advantage here. I appreciate your want for fairness, but the FFL point system exists for a reason. I personally have no problem with your teammates accompanying you. But you do not seem like you are interested in my offer”.

“Gracias” Dora replies.

“I feel guilty battling someone who insists upon being so honor bound, in a sport that so favors size; when my size and strength advantage is so notable”. Says Howard.

“Cuanto más grande son más fuerte caen”.

The match begins:

Desmond swings hard, but Dora moves her head just barely to the left. Dora then applies a trio of swift hits to the chest of Howard that serve to virtually not move him at all. Desmond goes on to deliver a half dozen more attempted blows, every one of which would have knocked Dora into the lava below, but not one of them hit their mark due to Dora's swift dodging ability. Dora continues to hit Howard in the same spot in the chest with virtually no effect. Desmond then delivers a blow to the face of Dora that she does not even seem to try and dodge. But Dora stands staring, as if to simply prove that she could withstand a hit from the behemoth. Howard then goes in for the finishing blow, but Dora regains her composure and once again ducks the attack. Dora then leaps back into action and once again delivers a trio of blows to the same spot on the chest of Desmond, to no avail. Dora then back-steps, allowing Desmond Howard to move towards her, but the football player does not realize how the repeated and calculated blows to his chest have thrown off his equilibrium. Howard goes in for another power blow, but this time Dora moves swifter than the athlete could have possibly imagined. She ducks the attack and slides under his legs, whacking his left ankle with her pugil stick and taking him off his compromised balance. Sending the larger opponent down to the lava below. Just as Dora had predicted in her native tongue.