TEAM Vs. The Empire

TEAM is The Hernandez Mandolorian Clan: Adam, Kate, Jackson, & Eric Gilson, The Constructicons: Bonecrusher, Buckethead, Hightower, Long Haul, Quick Mix, & Scavenger, Vulcan, Duke Nukem, Blaster w/ Eject, Rewind, Grandslam, Raindance, Nightstalker, Playback, Ramhorn, Rosanna, Stripes, Steeljaw, Dile, Zaur, Graphy, Noise, Blackout, Flip Sides, & Sundor, Tom Cruise in a F-22, Robot Sonic, and Hammer Bros. #1-10.

The Empire is The Joker, Harley Quinn, The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello, & Raphael w/ Bernie Sanders (in the Hammer Bros. & Sickle Suit) in The Party Wagon, Casey Jones and Alexandria Occassio-Cortez on a Ducatti, Krang, Shredder, Hamato Yoshi, Karai, & Keno.

Yo, Yo, Yo, it's your boy The Neon Master Pogo here. I'm watching this match from an I-Pad in my house, because like any sensible person I am self-quarantining myself from a virus that I have never seen, never met anyone infected, never met anyone who met anyone who is infected, and that probably wouldn't hurt me even if I got it. It's been a hectic week for all. New York City is in full freak out mode as people hide in their homes; not from the terrible battle that is about to take place in the streets; but from the dreaded virus that the media has used to scare people into thinking that we are all going to die, so before we do, let's make sure to give up all of our liberty to the government. Cybertron has been shut down and so have all flights back and forth from the planet. It doesn't make much sense, because Cybertronians can't be hurt by the virus, but then again neither can most people. With nowhere to go, all of the Transformers on TEAM have been staying at the Hernandez Clan's home. It gets pretty crowded having a bunch of giant robots around, so they are definitely looking forward to this “cRiSiS” to end. The Empire has already taken to the streets, where they can at least still get carry out pizza from a few places. Keno decided to do his civic duty and beat up some guys who dared to go to work and attempt to earn some money today. He looks over at the beat up construction workers and says: “Did I mention I study martial arts”??

Everyone laughs hysterically at this hilarious quip, except for The Constructicons, who get revenge for their hard-working brethren by merging to form Devastator and taking a molten, metallic power dump down Keno's throat.

A crashed F-22 lay on the ground in a wreckage with Tom Cruise's scorched body still inside. The plane never got off the ground, since Tom is just a movie star, who doesn't actually know how to fly a fighter jet. Plus, he was too short to see over the dash anyway.

Shredder single handedly takes out all ten of the Hammer Bros.; but his daughter Karai does not do as well against Robot Sonic who spin attacks her in half despite the resistance from her armor.

Casey Jones is spitting some serious game at AOC while they race around town on the Ducatti; but she is pretending not to like him because he is white. The Ninja Turtles, like many youthful, energetic peeps are having a very serious conversation with Bernie inside The Party Wagon. They are totally sold on Socialism, until six very large proletariat members in the form of Devastator smash the Party Wagon and send its five riders flying in different directions.

The Joker and Harley, the unofficial leaders of the squad, hide out in a back alley as they watch their teammates conduct their always crazy, but masterful plan of attack. They wait for the right moment to jump in; but are confronted by The Hernandez Mandolorians. Adam pulls his blaster rifle; but Joker spins out of the way and pulls out his acid, spraying flower. He takes aim at Jackson; but his Dad and Uncle Eric leap out in front taking the brunt of the Joker serum. As Adam and Eric lay on the ground with an eternally creepy Joker smile on their face, Kate pulls out her dual blaster pistols in a rage and does what Batman could never bring himself to do. She pumps The Joker full of blaster bolts, while Jackson uses his sword constructed from Garage Door parts to finish off Harley.

Bernie grabs his Hammer and Sickle, while the Ninja Turtle form up behind him, ninja weapons in hand. Casey Jones and AOC leap off their crotch rocket to join the fight, while Hamato Yoshi puts aside his differences with Shredder and Krang as well. They move on the much larger Blaster and surround him; but Blaster ejects his entire clan of tapes who instead surround The Empire. The Socialist Ninjas take down Blaster; but they can't handle all his Cassettes. Each Ninja manages to take out a Cassette, with Leo and Raph each taking out two and Shredder taking out the mini Gestalt Slam Dance; but superior numbers and superior firepower win out, despite a fantastic last stand from the martial arts experts.