Season XI National League Playoffs Round Two

Mistaken Small People: Omega Supreme, Yoda’s Spirit w/ White Lantern Ring and 5th Ring of the Dwarf Lords, Atrocitus, Starscream w/ Orange Lantern Ring, Black Lantern Magneto, He-Man, Battle Cat, Neo w/ 2 White Lightsabers, Count Dooku w/ Yellow Lantern Ring, Achilles, Queen Aga'po, Luminara Unduli w/ Green Lantern Ring, Barriss Offee w/ Blue Lantern Ring, Symbiote Suit Spiderman, Mother Talzin w/ Indigo Lantern Ring, Nightsister Spirit, Nazgul #9 on Fell Beast, Sinestro w/ Green and Yellow Lantern Rings, Ganthet w/ 3rd Ring of the Dwarf Lords, Sayd w/ 4th Ring of the Dwarf Lords, X-23, Super Saiyan Conner Weidman w/ Blue Lantern Ring in Conner’s Overpriced Mazda, Zombie Predator... and now all of Josh’s vehicle assignments... Lando Calrissean, Nien Numb, Lobot, & ALF in The Millennium Falcon; The Mandalorian, The Child w/ a Blue Lantern Ring, & Quill in Mando's Ship; Vorian Atreides & Kobe Bryant w/ Indigo Lantern Ring in Apache Helicopter; James Madison w/ Speed Ring, James Monroe w/ The Darksaber, Tyrion Lannister w/ The 1st Ring of the Dwarf Lords, & Alexander the Great w/ Bucephalus are The Command Crew of Deep Space Nine, piloted by FA-4 & Slippy Toad; Falco & R.O.B. the Robot in Jedi V-Wing Star Fighter; Ratts Tyrelle in Naboo Starfighter; Richie Rich & Dollar Bill in a TIE Bomber

The First President’s Slaves #BLM: Gandalf the Grey w/ Elven Ring, Thor, Set, Godzilla, Iron Man, Colossus, Luke Skywalker in Luke’s Stealth X-Wing, Sandworm #1-3, Superman, Black Lantern Sandworm, Vampire Sandworm, Zombie Sandworm, Seaworm, Soundwave, Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Ratbat, Wingthing, Squawktalk, Beastbox, Glit, Enemy, Howlback, Garboil, Overkill, Slugfest, Agent Smith, T-1000, Orion, Dumbledore, George Washington, Santa, Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer

I'll note a couple pleasantries real quick. Believe it or not, but Chris actually played 9 more characters/groups than Josh. King Midget likes to make up height by making sure he assigns something to everyone and everyone to a vehicle so that the writer might just want to Jeffery Epstein themself after only typing the roster. Also, I get it, I was Chris 2.0 on the match, but it’s here now isn’t it. So just read, enjoy, and be happy I didn’t take till Christmas.

Act I: Fangorn Forest

The Midgets that approach are Yoda and He-Man atop of BattleCat, while the Elves are Gandalf the Grey, George Washington, and Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. He-Man looks upon the enemy and scoffs, “This is it? Three old white dudes, this will be easy.” Yoda Insists, “Underestimate them, you should not. Very powerful wizards, two of them are.” He-Man neglects what the ancient Jedi Master has said and charges full speed atop BattleCat to slice the old guys up like a Thanksgiving turkey and succeeds with the powerless slave owner, but Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore stuns He-Man with the Stupefying charm which Gives Gandalf time to ironically slice He-Man with Glamdring. BattleCat without a rider is then struck with the killing curse by Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Yoda, now aware he cannot take on both power wizards due to the stupidity of his teammate, sits down to meditate. The wizards approach slowly, expecting a trap. As soon as Yoda senses them to be within range, he uses his power to allahu ackbar the White Lantern Ring, which kills himself and Gandalf, but Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore stands alive due to already putting up a Protego totalum spell before arriving to Yoda.

Act II: Sands of Arrakis

Count Dooku, Mother Talzin, Nightsister Spirit, Zombie Predator, and Achilles approach from the Midgets, while Sandworm #1-3, Black Lantern Sandworm, Vampire Sandworm, and Zombie Sandworm arrive for the newly freed slaves due to Washington’s death. I don’t really know how to break it to the Midgets, but c’mon, that’s a lot of sandworms. I’m sure y’all can take a couple down, but all of them…? Anyways, Zombie Predator takes the lead with Achilles and Nightsister Spirit close behind, and out of the sand comes Sandworm #1-2 Instantly devouring half of Nightsister Spirit to each Sandworm. Achilles takes a quick stab through Sandworm #1’s brain and Zombie Predator shoots an energy weapon down the throat of Sandworm #2. Black Lantern Sandworm and Vampire Sandworm arise and avenge their fallen brother Sandworms, each eating Zombie Predator and Achilles in one bite. Dooku charges but his form two dueling strategy is of no use against such beasts and is swallowed by Black Lantern Sandworm, but is not digested fast enough to stop him from igniting his lightsaber and tear the Sandworm up from the inside, which kills them both. Mother Talzin sees Zombie Sandworm approach, but she is gifted in the art of the dead and puts the Sandworm back in the grave it belongs. Vampire Sandworm and Sandworm #3 jump out of the sand towards Mother Talzin and Sandworm #3 is able to make a killing move, while the Vampire side of the other Sandworm takes effect as the sun is blazing causing Vampire Sandworm to burn to ash.

Act III: Mega City

For those unaware, Mega City is the city from the Matrix, not Zion the real life city, but the city inside the Matrix. I can’t not make this the setting when I’m gifted with Neo versus Agent Smith. It could be a hate crime if I didn’t properly respect the upcoming duel. Although some battle must occur before, such as Kobe’s helicopter crashing by itself killing Kobe and Vorian Atreides #riprapist. After that, the players in the city are Starscream, Black Lantern Magneto, Neo, Symbiote Suit Spider-Man, Nazghul #9 on Fell Beast, Conner in his over priced Mazda, and X-23 for the Midgets. The House Elves are Godzilla, Iron Man, Colossus, Agent Smith, T-1000, and the 16 transformers that you can look up in the roster cause I’m not rewriting them again. They all got smashed into a ball by Magneto anyways, sorry metal bots. Magneto also crushed Iron Man, Colossus, and T-1000 because they’re all made of metal. It’s not looking good for the Elves, but Godzilla swipes down Starscream and the Fell Beast like flies. As Godzilla tramps through the city, Conner zig zags in between the feet of the monster trying to find an attack point. He is driving quite successfully until he misshifts and stalls the car out, which leaves him unmoving for Godzilla to trample through. Symbiote Suit Spider-Man thinks of an idea he saw in this movie once and starts shooting webs around the legs of Godzilla until the beast falls over for X-23 to be standing in the wrong spot and is crushed, but not before her claws are out enough to slay the mighty Godzilla. Agent Smith took this time to sneak up to Magneto and Spider-man and morph them into himself. He is then able to have Neo just to himself, “It’s just you and me, Mr. Anderson. Now why don’t we make it fair and you give me one of those White Lightsabers.” Neo obliges and tosses a laser sword to the ground. Agent SMith makes the first swipe, but it’s of course deflected by Neo. They continue going blow for blow, each blocking every attack, the two being so evenly matched. They go hours of fighting without either of the two gaining on the other. Agent Smith stops for a second to speak, “We can’t go forever, Mr. Anders…” and before he can finish, Neo stabs him through the heart with his saber, catching Agent Smith off guard. Before the final breath leaves his mouth, Agent Smith, stabs Mr. Anderson back, and they die together in each other’s arms. Agent Smith’s death releases Magneto and Spider-Man from his grasp and are the two survivors in the city.

Act IV: Waters of Mon Cala

I can see neither teams respect the water aspect of the playoff planet, but that’s ok, I can force it a little bit. The Elves play a Seaworm, and The Midgets nothing, so I force the Master and Padawan duo Luminara Unduli and Barriss Offee into the depths of the sea. The two Jedi may have fancy water suits but are still vastly inferior in speed to the Seaworm. The Seaworm moves full speed towards the duo unaware of the Green and Blue Lantern Rings they possess, in which they use to grasp the Seaworm with claws they fabricated and drag it into their cool glowy sticks. 

Act V: Milky Way

For what the Midgets lack in water, they make up for in space with The MIllennium Falcon, Mando’s Ship, Omega Supreme, Deep Space Nine, Jedi Starfighter, Naboo Starfighter, and TIE Bomber. The House Elves bring Set, Luke’s Stealth X-Wing, Orion, and Superman. Set and Omega Supreme start into a huge battle. During the excitement, Luke’s Stealth X-Wing is able to land inside Deep Space Nine and mess up the whole crew single-handedly including the pilots, but is unable return to his ship in time before Deep Space Nine crashes into The TIE Bomber and Naboo Starfighter and all explodes into a fiery death. Two gods come from the Elves, one a new god and the other considered a god by the people of Earth. They Move towards Millennium Falcon, Mando’s ship, and Jedi Starfighter. The ships realize they cannot destroy Superman, so instead focus fire on Orion and are able to rip him to shreds with lasers before Superman smashes the ships like a trash compactor. While this all occurred, the battle between an immovable object and an unstoppable force ended in both retiring to death, leaving Superman as sole space survivor.

Act VI: Ozone Layer

The Midgets really like rings in this one with Atrocitus, Aga’po, Sinestro with both Yellow and Green Lantern Rings, Ganthet with a Dwarf Ring, and Sayd also with a Dwarf Ring. The emancipated people of Washington are Thor and Santa with crew. Santa looks upon his list and checks it twice, noticing Atrocitus to be on there Santa transforms Atrocitus into an ant and smushes him with his hand. Thor flies head on to Ganthet and Sayd and is able to conjure lightning to vaporize one and then smash the other with mighty Mjolnir. While Thor celebrates his victory, SInestro uses the power of the two lantern rings to create a canon to vaporize Thor from existence. Before Santa sees Sinestro move to the naighty list, Aga’po and Sinestro move quickly to combine their power and kill the deceptively powerful fat man and his special deer.

Act VII: The Final Countdown

Those remaining for the Midgets are Black Lantern Magneto, Symbiote Suit Spider-Man, Luminara Unduli w/ Green Lantern Ring, Barriss Offee w/ Blue Lantern Ring, Aga’po, and Sinestro w/ Green and Yellow Lantern rings. The Elves have Superman, Sandworm #3, and Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Magneto moves to release rage upon the Sandworm and conjures up metal spikes and sends them soaring through the worm from all directions. Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore comes to avenge and sends the Killing Curse towards Magneto but he dodges and the curse strikes Spider-Man in unlikely timing for the web slinging spider. Magneto retaliates by sending metal towards the old man, but Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore turns the incoming metal to sand, becoming harmless to him. Superman flys in on the distracted Magneto and heat visions through the metal bender’s skull. Although the Lantern and Sapphire Corps are separate, they come together in unison in order to try to take down the great wizard and daunting Superman. Sinestro, thinking he can do it alone, charges before the others in an attempt to feed off the two’s fear. By the time he realizes Superman and Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore contain zero fear in either of their bodies, it is already too late and Superman flies over and rips the two ring bearer in half. Whilst this occurs, Barriss and her master have been feeding their two Rings together enough to create a blast no spell can protect against and it obliterates Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Even with the fact that it is a 3 vs 1, team Midgets know the fight is not over. Aga’po attempts to use the violet light of love to make Superman fall in love with her. His mind is strong and he tries to resist and starts to lash out, killing Aga’po instead of showing her the love she wanted, and then moves towards the Master and Padawan. Superman grabs hold of the Padawan and chokes her until life leaves her body. Master Luminara feared the death of her beloved Padawan, this led to anger, which led to hate for Superman, and hate to suffering. Luminara falls into the Dark Side at the sight of Barriss' death, becoming Darth Luminara. Having no longer to hold back to uphold Jedi ideals, Darth Luminara uses pure rage in a frenzy towards Superman, Superman unable to react in time catches a Lightsaber across the throat and is beheaded…