Universe Bowl XI

 *(-4) denotes character is on their last death.

FOREST (Kyle)-

Misunderstood Little People: Link, Harambe, General Luminara (w/ green lantern), Barriss Offee (w/ blue lantern), Mother Talizin (w/ indigo lantern), Nightsister Spirit, Neo (w/ two white lightsabers, -4) and Atrocitus

Dinomites: OwlMan (-4), Wonder Woman, Wonder Girl, Talon (-4), Darkseid, Dark Supergirl, Johnny Quick (-4) and Power Ring (-4)

This Universe Bowl starts off with Link, Luminara and her Padawan Barriss Offee working together to take on OwlMan. At first OwlMan is holding his own against the trio using a myriad of his Owl themed gadgets and by flying around, dodging force pushes, sword and lightsaber strikes, and lantern abilities. Eventually he hits Link with the OwlMan equivalent of a Batarang right in the chest. Barriss Offee rages (foreshadowing her eventual turn to the darkside) and force jumps up in the air, surrounding him in a force shield with her Blue Lantern Ring and then proceeds to choke him to death. OwlMan eventually falls to his death. Luminara then runs to Link trying to heal him using her force powers but as she is doing that Talon comes out from the bushes and hits her in the carotid artery with a throwing knife.

Neo and Talon recognize each other's martial arts skills and decide to have a fight with no weapons. After a long and tedious fight, eventually Neo wins because he was just too fast for Talon, eventually kicking him in the chest so hard that he flew up into the air and was impaled by a tree branch. 

Barriss Offee, Mother Talizin and Nightsister Spirit then work together to fight Wonder Woman and Wonder Girl. Barriss Offee goes to use her Blue Lantern Ring but is not able to get it to work as she is not filled with hope anymore, but rather hatred. Wonder Girl uses her lasso to wrap up the Nightsister Spirit and channels Zues’ lightning to vaporize the Spirit. Barriss Offee advances towards Wonder Woman with an overhead lightsaber strike. Wonder Woman goes to block it with her sword but the sword stood no chance against the saber as it went right through the sword. As Wonder Woman is dodging a fury of lightsaber strikes from the enraged Padawan, Mother Talizin is dealing with Wonder Girl. She has surrounded herself in a force shield and is shooting her green force lightning strikes at Wonder Girl, but Wonder Girl is too agile for any of them to hit. Mother Talizin then decides to hit Wonder Woman with a lighting strike, this causes Wonder Girl to turn her back and look at Wonder Woman and as she does this Talizin uses her Magick derived lightsaber to stab Wonder Girl in the back, killing her.

Johnny Quick sees that Wonder Woman is struggling with Talizin and Offee so he runs over to help her. Quick runs up to Offee, grabs her and runs up to the tallest pine tree in the forest and impales her through the top of the tree. As he does this he does not realize that he was doing this on Harambe’s tree. Harambe uses his strength to grab Quick and throw him off the tree, killing him. Harambe then climbs down the tree to help Talizin with Wonder Woman. 

Harambe stands no chance to Wonder Woman and eventually she rips his jaw open, killing him. Talizin uses her Magick powers to defend herself but is definitely struggling, just when she is about to lose due to being too tired, a White Lightsaber cuts Wonder Woman in half from head-to-toe. None other than Neo has defeated her. 

UPDATE: Little People have Neo, Mother Talizin and Atrocitus left while Dinomites have Darkseid, Dark Supergirl and Power Ring left. Power Ring sees that Mother Talizin is weak after her fight with Wonder Woman and uses her Ring to shoot an energy blast at Talizin killing her. Atrocitus then begins to attack Power Ring. While this is happening Neo tries to distract Darkseid and Dark Supergirl. Atrocitus and Power Ring have a great battle, but eventually Atrocitus begins to struggle against Power Ring as his power is just too great for Atrocitus. 

Atrocitus yells to Neo “WE DON’T HAVE ENOUGH POWER TO DEFEAT THEM!!!”. Neo nods and they both retreat. Neo heads to the City while Atrocitus goes to space. Power Ring, Darkseid and Dark Supergirl follow Neo to the city.

   

WATER (Kyle) - 

Half-sized Humans: Ganthet (w/ orange lantern ring and dwarf ring #3), Sayd (w/ star sapphire and dwarf ring #4), and Aircraft Carrier containing: Fantastic Max, AB, FX, Salacious B. Crumb, Thundercracker, and Skywarp

Malnourished Extinct Animals: Emperor Joker (w/ green lantern ring; -4), Orange Lantern Lex Luther (-4), Indigo Lantern Ray Palmer (-4), Yellow Lantern Scarecrow (-4) and Aquaman

This battle starts off with Emperor Joker doing whatever he wants (because he’s the Joker with Mr. Mxyzptlk powers). He kills Ganthet and Sayd, but he also kills Indigo Lantern Ray Palmer and Orange Lantern Lex Luthor. 

Aquaman doesn’t want to lose anymore of his teammates so he decides to use his power of telepathy with sea creatures and calls a SMACK! (yes that’s really what it’s called) of Box Jellyfish to repeatedly sting Joker with enough venom in each sting to kill 60 humans.  

All that’s left for the Little People is the aircraft carrier. Thundercracker and Skywarp launch off of the aircraft carrier and begin to engage Yellow Lantern Scarecrow. At first Scarecrow is able to hold his own but his Scarecrow powers don’t work on the Transformers (because they’re robots) and eventually the transformers are just too much for him and they defeat him.

Aquaman then uses a combination of his trident and multiple Pods of Whales to flip the Aircraft Carrier. He then one by one drags each remaining member of the Little People, one-by-one to the bottom of the ocean where they will drown. BECAUSE AQUAMAN BOPS IN WATER. 

Aquaman will meet with the rest of his teammates in the City.  

ARCTIC (Zach) - 

Halflings: Zombie Green Lantern (-4), Vampire Batman, Darth Maul (w/ red lantern ring; -4), Hermes

Famished Ded Animals from Big Rock: Captain America (w/ green and blue lantern rings), Winter Soldier (-4), Shazam, Larry Koopa (w/ ice flower) 

As we pan over to the desolate cold of the arctic, 8 competitors are dropped off, 4 from each side. Winter Soldier is blatantly angered and worried, “Last time I was in a place this cold I fell to what we thought was my death, right Steve... right?” Maul exclaims, “Wait! You fell from a really high place and left for dead, too?” Buck responds, “This dude has some weird markings on him. Can I kill him, Steve?” Maul responds very pissed off, “Excuse me? Do you even know who I am? I was the apprentice to the great sith lord! You nor anyone here can kill me! My hatred for  K E N O B I will keep me alive until I can kill him!” Shazam comes closer and does his little sparky spark thingy and zaps Maul, leaving him limp in the freezing snow. Hermes, son of Zeus, says, “Hey, my dad can do something like that. Have you heard of him, the greek god?” Shazam scoffs, “Zeus? I’m him plus 5 other gods, I’m better than him in every aspect.” The statement outrages Hermes so he grabs Larry Koopa and snaps his neck with his bare hands.

Meanwhile, Vampire Batman has been blending in with his surroundings and sneaks up behind the Dinos and places an explosive diddly do da from his magic belt that somehow always has something for every situation onto Winter Soldier. It explodes and his metal arm is separated from his body while simultaneously killing Winter Soldier. Cap runs to his lifelong friend’s side as his last breath leaves him. Cap announces, “I will AVENGE you,” (cause ya know, can’t save him, he’s gotta let him die so he can do avenging). Cap charges towards the zombie green lantern, who is merely nothing compared to both a green and blue lantern ring, and simply obliterates him into a million pieces. This plays as the perfect distraction for Batman to jump at Cap, but Shazam has been carefully watching and gathers the largest thunderbolt ever and destroys Batman. Unfortunately, Shazam didn’t care too much for Cap so the bolt killed both parties in the act.

Now with two greek legends remaining, only one option is the obvious choice if one were to bet on such events. Hermes, knowing he will lose this fight one on one, decides to pray upon his father Zeus and beg him to send a lightning bolt to revert Shazam back to a mere boy. Zeus does not answer and leaves his son to do his own work. Shazam smirks, “Nice try,” as he super speed rips Hermes in half. Although Zeus wanted his son to fight his own battle, he is still angered in his death and sends down a lightning bolt to which nothing but Billy Batson is left. This is all Maul needed to see to make one final stand, throwing his red saber towards the child and slices Billy’s head clean off. Maul’s hatred for Kenobi kept him alive this long… but no more.

DESERT (Ethan)- 

Midgets: (Lando Calrissean (-4) (pilot), Nien Numb (co-pilot), Lobot (-4) (gunner), & ALF (-4) (rear gunner) in The Outrider), (The Mandalorian (w/ The Darksaber) & The Child (w/ blue lantern ring) w/ Rick (w/ a red lightsaber) & Morty (w/ a flame thrower) in Mando's Ship), Omega Supreme, Duncan Idaho, Mighty Mouse, and Quasar.

Dinomites: General Zod, Ursa, Non (-4)

Zod, Ursa, and Non fly in formation searching for their enemy. The Outrider and the Razor Crest spot the trio a bit out and begin preparing for the first exchange. Lobot and ALF begin the fight by firing their heavy lasers. Zod is hit once, which throws him off his balance and disorients him, but only for a moment. Realizing that their lasers have a reduced effect, they tell Lando to ready a missle. Zod, Ursa, and Non begin flying more erratically now that they are close. The first missile misses its target and airbursts behind the trio, pushing them forward. Both ships dive for the desert hills as the Kryptonians begin badgering their shields with heat vision. Just as they reach the second hill, the Outrider loses an engine, sending it spiraling out of control. Ursa stops to finish off any survivors, while Zod and Non continue the pursuit. 

The shields on the Razor Crest are just about out of power, when Mando gets the ready signal from the rest of his team. As they pass a large stone outcrop, Omega Supreme opens up a large attack on Zod and Non, who are forced to brace. Mando quickly puts down the Crest, and disembarks with the rest of the crew. Non tells Zod to take care of the others, while he holds off the behemoth Autobot. Zod reaches the remainder of the Midgets, who have grouped up. As he plans his next move, Mighty Mouse sneaks over and unleashes a flurry of upper cuts at the same time Quasar begins hounding him from above. Zod evades and grabs Duncan Idaho who is no match for the godlike Zod. Using Duncan as a shield, Zod blocks Morty’s flames, but he is struck by Mando and the darksaber in the arm. Zod becomes disoriented as he is battered and encircled. Ursa, seeing her master in need, begins yelling as she beats Rick and Morty into the sand. Zod quickly gets to his feet, but Quasar grabs him and Mighty Mouse and teleports them further away. Turning to Mando, Ursa moves for the kill, but just as she reaches him, she becomes stuck in place. Mando delivers a killing slice with the darksaber and the child coos.

Zod finally gets his hands on Mighty Mouse and tries to crush him, but the rodent is pushing back with all of his might. Zod overcomes Mighty Mouse, flicking the matter from his hand. Quasar knows he doesn’t stand much against Zod alone, so he signals to Mando to meet him near Omega Supreme and Non, who are still deep in battle. Omega Supreme and Non had both tore up much of the surrounding area by the time anyone else would reach them. Zod gets close to Non and begins helping him in his battle against the Autobot. Zod manages to freeze one of Omega’s arm joints, and Non shatters it. Mando and the Child arrive at the battle, where Quasar explains that one of the Kryptonians must die before Omega or this battle will be lost. The three midgets decide Zod is the best target, as he is the most injured. Quasar entraps Zod in some quantum cage and tries to hold him in place as Mando lunges forward with the Darksaber. Zod uses his heat vision in an attempt to escape, but glasses the surrounding area instead. As the Darksaber makes contact, Zod releases a large blast of energy, but Quasar absorbs much of it, protecting Mando, at the cost of his own life. Mando, the Child, and Omega Supreme manage to kill the last Kryptonian. Omega Supreme, heavily damaged from the battle, powers down after the fight.

SPACE (Kyle) - 

Misunderstood Little People: Falco and R.O.B. in a jedi V-Wing Starfighter, Ratts Tyrelle in Naboo Starfighter, Richie Rich and Dollar Bill in TIE Bomber, Star Fox in ArWing, Star Wolf in ArWing, Peppy Hare in ArWing, Deep Space Nine Command Crew:  Alexander the Great w/ Bucephalus, James Madison (w/ a speed ring (-4)), & Tyrrion Lannister (w/ Dwarf Ring #1 (-4)); piloted by: Vorian Atreides, FA-4, & Slippy Toad and Atrocitus 

Dinomites: Ultraman (-4), Ranx the Sentient City, Wedge in his X-Wing, Biggs in his X-Wing

The Little People see Ranx and decide they need to focus on the Sentient City. So Falco, Ratts Tyrelle, Richie Rich, Peppy Here and Deep Space Nine Command Crew focus on the City. Star Fox and Star Wolf have the Dogfight of a lifetime with Wedge and Biggs. Star Fox and Star Wolf show their impressive flight skills while Wedge and Biggs aren’t as talented pilots but make up for it with how well they know how to work together. 

Eventually Star Wolf gets on Wedge’s Tail and is chasing him through the empty vacuum of space. Wedge calls for help from his partner Biggs and Biggs comes to help as he hits Star Wolf with a Torpedo round destroying his ship. Wedge and Biggs then work together and both get on Star Fox’s Tail. Star Fox shows impressive dodging skills as Wedge and Biggs are trying to hit him with shots but can’t even come close to hitting him. Star Fox sees an opportunity and takes it. He slams on his brakes so that he can get behind Wedge and Biggs, Top Gun style and then proceeds to hit them both with his plasma cannon, defeating them both.

While that was happening Ranx called Ultraman to help. Ultraman goes on a rampage just flying through ships, hitting them with lazers and freezing them so they don’t work. After this rampage is done he’s defeated Falco and R.O.B., Ratts Tyrelle, Richie Rich and Dollar Bill, Peppy Here and Deep Space Nine Command Crew.

Star Fox is left on his own to try and survive against Ranx and Ultraman. Star Fox is very quick in his ArWing and is unhittable from Ultraman and Ranx’s perspective.

As Ranx and Ultraman are focused on trying to defeat Star Fox, Atrocitus comes up from the Forest. He sees that Ranx and Ultraman are focused on Star Fox. He realizes what he must do. He sneaks into the center of the Sentient City and focuses all of his rage onto his Red Lantern Ring. A bright red flash happens, blinding to the eye. 

After several seconds, the bright red flash has disappeared, pieces of the Sentient City are floating all over space and Star Fox’s ship has been destroyed. Ultraman has a metal rod presumably from the explosion right through his chest, he then falls towards the playoff planet and dies from a combination of the metal in his chest and the fall.  

CITY (Chris) - 

White Lantern Yoda (originally:  Yoda's Spirit w/ White Lantern Ring & 5th Ring of the Dwarf Lords)., X-23 (w/ red lightsaber (-4))., Sinestro (w/ yellow and green lantern rings (-4))., Neo (w/ 2 white lightsabers (-4))., Black Lantern Magneto (-4)., Mando with the Dark Saber, The Child with Blue Lantern Ring

Superwoman (-4), Superman Prime, Ronan w/RL Ring (-4), The Flash, Darkseid, Dark Supergirl, Aquaman, Power Ring (-4)

The Mandalorian lands effortlessly in the back streets of the city where the rest of the Midgets have regrouped for the last battle and hands Grogu to WL Yoda. While the two of them communicate using their fancy Jedi telepathy, Mando goes over important strategies with the rest of the team and also discusses why there are so many different colors of lightsabers on this squad. Like seriously, every year I feel like I’m googling a new color of lightsaber or lantern ring. The plan is pretty simple: Leave Yoda and Grogu meditating in the narrow street as bait while the rest of them tuck into doorways and alleyways to sneak attack.

Yoda sets Grogu down carefully and the two face each other, sitting indian style (feather, not dot) and they begin their meditative trance while the Midgets take their places.

Superman Prime is the first to lock onto their location and directs the rest of the Dinomites to follow. As usual, he lands with one of those super gay superhero landings where they are on one knee and looking down. You know, the Kapernick pose. He rises slowly for dramatic effect but literally no one cares. He’s just wasting time and this match is already like 8 months late. He throws a couple quick blasts of heat vision at the little green guys that gets deflected off the protective aura the duo have cast around themselves. Running at top speed, Superman Prime attempts to break through the force field but just as he is about to collide with it, he gets knocked sideways by a construct from Sinestro’s ring as he leaps from the shadows. As the other Dinomites rush in to help, Yoda reaches out deeper with the force and expands the range of his protective bubble, trapping Superman Prime inside where the rest of the Midgets are waiting for their first ambush. 

The Dinomites stand outside helplessly watching as Superman Prime is quickly outnumbered. Ronan and Power Ring use their magic ring thingies to try and penetrate the shield. Supes is defending on multiple fronts and as he attempts to hold off Sinestro and Neo, X-23 leaps from behind and buries her claws in his neck. Superman yells out in pain. He eyes the easiest target and in a final stand, charges Mando knocking him backwards. He rips his helmet off in rage and manages to cave Mando’s skull in before Neo is finally able finish Superman by running him through with his lightsabers. The young Grogu senses the death of his partner and friend and the force bond with Yoda is broken and the Dinomites rush in. 

Aquaman uses his long reach to pierce his trident through the torso of X-23 who falls lifelessly at his feet. He wastes little time before removing the weapon and heaving it through the air towards Neo. Black Lantern Magneto quickly reverses the trident back to the sender, catching the off balance Aquaman perfectly in the side of the head killing him instantly.  

“Woah!” Neo exclaims at his near death experience. 

His relief is short-lived as the Flash knocks him on his ass and Superwoman drops in to swing him around like a rag doll. She uses him as a bat to beat Magneto back and then just slams his limp body into the ground a dozen times like she's beating out an old rug. 

Power Ring uses his… well his ring. That's all he has. He uses his ring to grab the little Grogu and while grasping the little one by his adorable green ears, he pushes his thumbs into those precious little eyes of his and into his brain. 

Yoda is sensing defeat as Dark Supergirl and Superwoman corner Magneto while Ronan and Darkseid descend upon Sinestro. Hoping there is still someone else out there, he channels all of his life force into an ever growing orb of energy in his hands. As the orb continues to grow in size, the light and heat emitting from it are becoming exponentially intense with each passing moment. The Flash takes off just as the orb explodes, destroying everyone and turning every building in the city to rubble.