A Desert Plot: Week 3 Arrakis Meat Suits vs Dolla 49 McRib

 Meat Suits: Galactus and herald David Byrne, Atrocious w/ Jar Jar Heads, Hal Jordan, Firelord Ozai, Firelord Zuko and his Dragon, King Bumi, Scarlet Witch, Quicksilver, Captain Kirk in the USS Enterprise, Avatar Korra, Guy Gardner, Junkeons #1-10, Rocky Balboa in an F-5 Tiger

Dolla 49 McRib: Doomsday, Bizarro Superman, Wonder Woman, Fin Fang Foom, The Mandarin, Anti-Monitor, Harkonnen Soldiers #1-8, Xavier Harkonen, Sentry, Dr. Fate, Mandalorians #1-4

    The annual Arrakis Spice Convention was once again upon us. All of the attendees were in line grabbing their badges and being handed their complementary waters, but those shitty little small waters because the commission was tight on the funds. The heat was already getting to the attendees as they were shuffled into the conference hall which was just a large tent. While there were some tensions in the room over the seating, everyone got to where they were going without major incident.

    Then the commissioner came out onto the stage to begin the conference. He started with a simple hello and moved into the topic of today's discussion, who would be getting control of the spice trade. To decide both teams would need to present why they should have control and then it would be judged by the emperor. Both teams' presentations were going good, but there was a definite edge towards the McRibs (which is surprising because they can barely read), which is why the meat suits came with a back up plan: The McRibs couldn't win if they weren't alive. 

    As the halfway point of the day came upon us, weird stuff started to occur. The Mandalorians and Harkonnen soldiers began to fall to their knees and scream prophetically. Someone had spiked their water with spice. Wonder Woman kidnapped Ozai with her whip and interrogated him about the plot. He immediately spilled the beans and Wonder Woman snapped his neck. The McRibs snuck over to the Meat Suit section and ambushed them with a flurry of attacks. Doomsday speared Atrocious and leaped through the wall of the tent, taking them miles from the site. In all the commotion Anti-Monitor killed the Junkeons with ease, while Wonder Woman threw her sword into King Bumi, and Dr. Fate stopped Zuko from reaching his Dragon. Xavier Harkonnen was caught slippin tho and was killed by Quicksilver.

    Bizzaro Superman and Fin Fang Foom teamed up on Galactus and restrained him. Just as they were about to land a killing blow, David Byrne jumped in the way of the blast. Galactus grabbed the tail of Foom and yeeted him from the battle. While in the air he was blasted by Rocky Balboa and the USS Enterprise, but they were also caught in the blast of that Fin Fang Flesh, sending both craft falling to the surface. Bizzaro Superman began moving evasively from Galactus before Anti Monitor moved in to save him. The two fought Galactus to the teeth, but knew it would take a commitment to finish the fight, so Anti-Monitor sacrificed himself to make it so neither of their matter existed any longer. Scarlet Witch was able to overpower Dr. Fate, knocking his helmet from his head and as he dove for it, she crushed it leaving just the man who was powerless to change his fate. Neither Doomsday or Atrocious had returned, leading both teams to believe that they succumbed to their wounds or the desert. 

    Sentry was in a fierce battle with Hal Jordan and Guy Gardner. The Mandarin had been cut down in battle earlier and now Sentry was on the back foot. While this man was indeed beyond a Sigma, that being an Omega, he was not strong enough for powerful Green Lanterns. After destroying Hal Jordan's shield projection, he switched up and threw everything he had at Guy Gardner and was able to defeat him. Hal’s will allowed him to recover more quickly that Sentry expected though and he caught him at an inopportune moment. 

    For the sake of appeasing the masses, it's time for a women's battle. Wonder Woman vs Scarlet Witch and Avatar Korra. Imma just keep it a buck witchu, Avatar Korra aint got shit on Wonder Woman and there was little to earth or water bend, so she was pieced pretty easily. Wonder Woman and Scarlet Witch fought for a while, but then the Men stepped in. Quicksilver sprinted up and was sneaking in sucker punches, which affected Wonder Woman very little. As he was doing a drive by, Bizzaro Superman grabbed him by the throat and the sudden deceleration killed him immediately. At the rage of losing her brother, Scarlet Witch was powered by emotion. Bizzaro Superman caught the worst of this as he was gone pretty quickly. As she beat Wonder Woman back and back, the two found each other in a rocky outcrop. With Wonder Woman pinned against a wall by magic, Scarlet Witch approached. After some meaningless monologue about loss or something she finished the job, but after a moment she fell backwards. Looking down she could see a hole in her stomach as Wonder Woman had thrown a stone at such speed right before her death. 

    With only Hal Jordan left living, he returned to the conference hall which was all torn up and filled with dust and spice. He made sure that the Mandalorians and Harkonnen soldiers were all dead and sat back in his seat. The commissioner entered the hall, perplexed at the carnage, he had been dropping a phat deuce the whole battle with his noise canceling headphones on. With no other choice, the Meat Suits were awarded access to the spice rich planet of Arrakis.