2023 Week 4: League of Extraordinary Heterosexual Gentlemen vs Underhills

League of Extraordinary Hetersexual Gentlemen: Superman, Martian Manhunter, Magneto, Ultron, Commander Ahsoka Tano in TIE Fighter, General Kenobi in A-Wing, Lando and Lobot in Imperial Shuttle, Skylynx, T-X, Thrust, Homelander, Ajax and Beowulf in TIE Reaper

Underhills: General Zod, Neo w/ 2 Blue Lightsabers, Mogo, Aerial Bots combined into Superion, John Stewart, Green Lantern #1-5, Blue Lantern #1-2, Rooster and Hangman in Ebon Hawk, Revan Reborn in TIE Interceptor, Starkiller in X-Wing, Darth Talon in First Order TIE Fighter, Phoenix (Rachel Summers), Meggan, Raven, Transformers #1-5, Xenomnorph Alien #1-20, Sith Marauder #1 in Resistance X-Wing, Sith Marauder #2-

First and foremost, Magneto is present so… hold up, let’em cook. Don’t hate the writer here, it’s just how the match happened, I can’t do anything about it. He has cooked, and the following are now Rest in Pieces: Aerial Bots, Rooster and Hangman in Ebon Hawk, Starkiller in X-Wing, Darth Talon in First Order TIE Fighter (cause in poo-poo empire spaceship), Transformers #1-5, Sith Marauder #1-3, Skylynx, T-X, Thrust, and Magneto (accidentally caught a stray from himself). Also, don't question the logistics of this, it just happened.

Now, onto the rest of the match with a little less pesky metal moving about. We’ll take our omnipresent eye and focus it on The Underhills who set up camp on their teammate, Mogo. General Zod, a maniacal mastermind, has taken the reigns of The Underhills squad as the team is on a deep space exploration of the universe. At this time, Ultron is also leading The League of Extraordinary Heterosexual Gentlemen (LEHG) on a space exploration. Ahsoka Tano’s home planet, Shili, is riddled with blight and it’s not looking good long-term. LEHG decided to help the Togruta species find a new home. Lucky for them, a wormhole was placed within close distance to Shili. Ultron leads the team through the wormhole in hopes of a habitable planet on the other side… 

To LEHG’s delight, they exit out of the wormhole to a large green planet before them. It seems very promising for the Togruta that they may have a habitable world. LEHG descends onto the planet to take a closer look. As they approach, Revan Reborn intercepts the squad in his TIE interceptor (get it… cause he intercepts in an interceptor… get it?). He calls out on the radio, “This planet is off limits to everyone, you must halt your approach and turn around or you will be met with violence.” Unfortunately, with how all political communication in the modern world seems to go, LEHG does not receive the message and continue their approach. Revan no longer waits and pushes forward to shoot down the A-Wing. General Kenobi, a decent flier with added force powers is able to dodge the first attack. However, the shots catch Lando and Lobot in the Imperial Shuttle. On Revan’s second flyby, he catches shots onto the A-Wing, damaging the shields but not a fatal hit. Instead, Homelander heat visions through one of Revan’s wings and causes him to crash into a mountain. The destruction above catches the attention of The Underhills and it appears that LEHG is attacking Mogo. But of course, LEHG sees it as The Underhills attacking them. Quite the predicament.

Nonetheless, Homelander continues his advance after taking out the Reborn force user. He is met with Neo, the chosen one, wielding two blue lightsabers. Homelander, in his arrogant and vicious mentality, regards Neo as but a petty human. Neo can’t possibly be a match to the mighty Homelander, the super powerful Superman rip-off with an added sense of Gen Z mental issues. Although, it doesn’t matter because Neo has already split Homelander in two with his wicked glow sticks. Meanwhile, the Xenomorphs are being treated like firing squad victims from the ships piloted by Ahsoka Tano, Kenobi, and Ajax/Beowulf. Phoenix sees this and realizes she needs to provide air support. Kenobi’s A-Wing is made quick work, considering his shields were already damaged. Phoenix then takes out Ahsoka’s ship while Ajaz/Beowulf decide to kamikazee into Phoenix. Luckily, Ahsoka was able to bail out before her ship was destroyed. At the same time, John Stewart along with the Green and Blue Lanterns are able to subdue Ultron through the help of Mogo, boosting the power of the Green Lanterns. They are able to place him in a prison, not unlike what Parallax was put in.

By now, General Zod has put together a plan to take out Superman. Who else would it involve other than Lois Lane. Superman approaches Zod to realize he is holding Lois captive, “Don’t do this Zod, let her go.” Zod responds with a simple answer… he snaps Lois’ neck. Zod, unfortunately, did not understand the result this would give in Superman. Instead of crippling from sadness, all Superman could see was red. Without hesitation, he flies straight through Zod, detaching his head from the rest of his body. The Green and Blue Lanterns attempt to subdue Superman like they did Ultron… there was no chance for them, Superman has started to kill anything in sight.

The Martian Manhunter sees what Superman is doing and he tells Ahsoka to leave, as fast as she can telling her to return to Shili and never come back here. They find her a spare ship and she flies towards the wormhole they arrived in.

Raven tells John Stewart and Neo to give her as much time as they can spare. Mogo decides he can help too, and makes his entrance into the fight, and he recognizes the Martian lifeform traveling along the planet. Mogo remembers it like it was yesterday when the Guardians gave the Martians a genetic fear of fire due to their unmatched power. All he needed to do was create a ring of fire around the Martian Manhunter and bam, he’s subdued for the fight.

John, returning to battle, notices something odd about Lois’ body… its changing shape back into… Meggan! Stewart realizes that Lois isn’t actually dead and his old friend Superman needs to realize this before he kills everything in sight. It’s too late though, Superman dashes to John Stewart and puts a hand through his chest. In his last gasps of air he tells Superman, “Lois… isn’t dead… it was a… shapeshifter…” Superman pauses, confused at what he’s heard. He flies back to Lois’ body only to realize his old friend was right, Lois isn’t dead. A wave of relief comes over him, but he starts to see the destruction around him and is struck with sorrow. This moment of pause is all Raven needed, John Stewart had provided her enough time to use her magic powers to conjure a kryptonite kyber crystal and tosses it to Neo. He swaps it into one of his Lightsabers and throws it directly into Superman’s back.

For some reason, Mogo stopped the fire. It was plenty of time for the Martian Manhunter to swoop into Neo. Neo, thinking the battle is one, doesn’t see the Martian approach him. Neo’s neck didn’t survive the encounter. The Martian switches direction towards Raven, but she simply teleports him to a hellscape for him to spend the rest of his eternity in fire…